Plucky Duck was standing on a small stage in a bar in Detroit, with a microphone stand infront of him.
"So this guy comes up to me and asks me, hey do Detroit's so called american cars really get made in Canada? And I say..."
Plucky reaches down, takes his one of his legs off his body and continues.
"...Does a one legged duck swim in a circle?"
A man sitting behind a drum kit does the classic joke follow up beat. Plucky waits for a reaction. But all the pardons give him is a mean look. Plucky's open mouth smile turns into a look of fear.
"Uuuhh. And...and how about these streets huh? I can't walk three inches without getting a mug shot. Whether by getting arrested for a crime I didn't do or being whacked in the face by one of the ugly mugged Detroiteans."
The crowd started booing Plucky and even started throwing peanuts and beer bottles. People walking past the outside of the bar heard a 'FWAP' sound as a green duck went flying through the door, across the street, and into a garbage can. Plucky poked his head out of the garbage can and shook spoiled cheese fries,cardboard containers for fast food,and ice cream off his head. Some weird sticky stuff refused to separate itself from his head. Plucky shook his head again, then again even harder,then again until he made himself dizzy. Then Plucky got an annoyed look on his face. He reached his left hand on top of his head and tried pulling the sticky stuff off his head. But instead it stretched as Plucky pulled on it. Now it was as long as a jump rope and was stuck on Plucky's head and hand. Plucky started jumping up and down and as he did the sticky stuff started spinning around like a jump rope. During the thirtyth jump Plucky's right flipper accidentally stepped on the rope of sticky stuff. Now it was on Plucky's head, on his left hand, and now on his right foot. Plucky let out a battle cry as he started rolling and spinning around so fast, all anyone could see was a green blur. After fifteen seconds, Plucky stopped spinning and rolling around. Now the stuff was all over different parts of his body. Plucky heard the phone in a phone booth start to ring.
"Hey, isn't that the phone booth that I gave the number of to that one hot girl incase she wanted to reach me?" asked Plucky.
He then remembered the way that girl looked, and hearts filled his eyes as he made a 'HAOOGA' sound as he jumped into the air, his legs spinning around. Then he zipped to the phone booth, leaving a cloud of dust behind. Then Plucky picked up the phone.
"I knew you'd be calling me soon Baby. It only took you four months. So what do you say we settle down at my place and..."
"Plucky?" Babs asked in confusion.
"Babs? ...OH BABS! Hi uh...how did you know where to find me?" said Plucky.
"I asked Shirley and she referred me to this one girl from a brothel who gave me this number. She had a very hard time memorizing it. She said the guy who gave it to her was a real loser and that she's never servicing him again." said Babs.
Plucky looked a little upset then said "Okay I get it. Anything else you wanna tell me over the phone?"
Babs told Plucky of the whole story.
"Really? But that can't happen. Main characters in a cartoon can't be killed. That's insane! That's terrible!" Plucky said as tears fell out of his eyes like a water fall.
A guy was walking by and saw this and put a sign next to Plucky's eyes that read Niagara falls.
"So who's helping you arrange the funeral?" asked Plucky.
"Riley Bunny." said Babs.
"Oh his niece? My gosh she must be devastated. Hey is she still hot do you know?"
"PLUCKY!"
"Okay, okay. I'm sorry. Continue."
"So can you make it?" asked Babs.
"Even if I have to travel on foot, I'll be there!" said Plucky.
"Great, I'll see ya there Plucky." said Babs.
"Same here Babs. Bye." said Plucky as he hung up the phone.
Plucky walked to the bus station and got on a bus. He was seen getting forced back off.
"Tickets? Didn't I use to ride the bus to school for free?" Plucky asked himself.
Then Plucky just shrugged his shoulders and started walking until he got to the Detroit city limits. Then he looked at the long road out of the city. With a Rambo-like look on his face, Plucky sucked in a deep breath and then released it. Then he looked like he was about to break into a sprint as he started heaving his chest with an intense look on his face. But all he did was start walking slowly from Detroit to Acme Acres.
SHIRLEY'S HOUSE SOMETIME LATER
"Well like when is it?" asked Shirley in her valley girl accent.
"In three weeks. Can you be here?" asked Babs over the phone.
"Like if I don't make it there I might as well beat myself with an ugly stick. But like it would have to be a pretty big ugly stick." said Shirley with a smug grin on her face.
It got a small laugh from Babs.
"Wait, is Plucky going to be there?" asked Shirley.
"Yes he is. It was Bugs's request we all be there. Is that gonna be a problem?" said Babs.
Shirley was silent for a bit, then she shrugged it off.
"No that wont be a problem. I'll be there as soon as I can." said Shirley.
"I'm happy to hear it Girl. I can't wait to see you." said Babs.
"Like same here, Girlfriend. I'll see you there, Babs." said Shirley.
"Alright ,Shirl. Bye." said Babs.
"Bye." said Shirley.
Then she hung up her phone. She let out a sigh. Then she looked at the class graduation group photo that had her, her friends,and all the Acme Looniversity staff, including Bugs Bunny. A tear escaped Shirley's eye.
"Hi Mama." said Plucky Junior.
"Like hi, Sweety." said Shirley.
"You were on the phone." said Plucky Jr.
"Yes Pluck. Like Mommy was on the phone." said Shirley.
"You were on the phone." said Plucky Jr.
"Yep, like totally, exactly. Mommy was just on the phone." said Shirley.
"You were on the phoooooooooone." said Plucky Jr. who giggled after saying that last part.
"Yeah I was on the phone, right." said Shirley.
"Now look Honey. We're going to have to go somewhere for a little while." said Shirley.
Plucky Jr.'s went wide eyed. He has been scared of going long distances since...IT happened.
"No go trip. Bye, bye." said Plucky Jr. as he ran for the stairs. But before he could get to far up the stairs, Shirley grabbed him up into her arms. With a kind motherly smile she said' "Honey it will be alright. I wont let anything happen to you. Besides, your dad's going to be there."
Plucky Jr.'s eyes went wide as he gasped in joy.
"Daddy?" asked Plucky Jr.
"Yes Sweetheart, you're daddy's going to be there." said Shirley.
"Daddy?" said Plucky Jr.
"Yes Pluck, you're daddy will be at the place we're going to." said Shirley.
"Daddy?! Daddy?! DADDY?!" said Plucky Jr.
"Yes Pluck, your deadbeat Dad is like totally gonna be there." said Shirley in a flat voice.
"Okay, me go." said Plucky Jr.
"And you promise you're going to be a brave big boy?" asked Shirley with a little mischef in her voice as she moved her finger closer to Plucky Jr.
"Yes Mama." said Plucky Jr. as he nodded his head.
"Good, because I was afraid I'd have to tickle every tickle spot on you." Shirley said as she started tickling Plucky Jr. who giggled and giggled.
ITALY
Fifi was riding in her limousine to her fashion show. Since leaving Acme Acres, she has become a very popular fashion designer. And has made a new scent of perfume. She originally made it exclusively for herself to try and get rid of her natural skunk scent. And it worked. She was free of her skunk stink. Now she was the gal of the town. Men wanted her (and so did some women, but in these times that's okay, nothing wrong with that), and women wanted to be her (and so did some men...just...NO!). Her perfume and clothing line have sold to some of the biggest celebrities. Including but not limited to, Kim Kardashian, Taylor Swift,and Miley Cyrus.
AUTHOR TO THE READERS:I don't like them either (except Taylor Swift), but I gotta keep up with the times. Moving on.
But in all the fame, fortune, glory,and worship, Fife La Fume still hadn't found the one thing she had been searching for her whole life, Mr. Right. Yep, despite being rich and famous,and losing her stink, Fifi still hadn't found her one true love. But she was still confident she would find him one day. Although that hope was very slowly starting to fade. Fifi checked her phone and saw she had missed a call from Babs Bunny.
"Huh, Babs?" Fifi said in her french accent.
"I have not heard from Babs for oh how do you say, like a minute. Which apparently to Americans today seems to be a long, long time. I am wondering why she is calling." said Fifi.
"Excuse me, ?" said the limo driver.
"Oui, what is it?" asked Fifi.
"We're here Ma'am." said the driver.
"Oh. Well,...uuuuhhh...I guess Babs can wait a little bit longer." said Fifi. The
limo came to a stop at the red carpet. The limo driver got out, and opened up Fifi's door. All eyes and cameras were on her now. Fifi gave a smile for everyone and a few poses. A bunch of people kept slurring a bunch of questions at her.
"Fifi did you really date Johnny Depp?"
"Fifi is it really you in the picture leaving that bar?"
"Fifi do you like cherry pie?"
"Fifi what color underwear am I wearing?"
All the cameras and questions and commotion stopped. And everyone stared at a small reporter. He smiled an embarrassed smile and tip toed away. After that weirdness, Fifi shook the confused (and somewhat disturbed) look off her face and walked into the building that the fashion show was being held at. The fashion show went on without a problem. The dresses aww struck the onlookers. Fifi watched from her sky box with pride in her work. After the show, she went back to her penthouse sweet. She was just getting ready to take a dip in her hot tub, when her phone rang. She quickly ran to the house phone and picked it up.
"Bonjour, who is this?" asked Fifi.
"Yes Ms. La Fume, this is the front desk. There's a call for you from...Acme Acres. The caller is a Ms. Babs Bunny." said the man on the line.
"Acme Acres? Babs Bunny? Calling here? Le wow. Oui, oui, I alomst forgot. Yes, put her on at once." said Fifi.
"Of course Ma'am." said the front desk man. It took a minute.
"Hello Fifi?" said Babs.
"BABS MY BEST FRIEND! BONJOUR, HOW ARE YOU MY LONG LOST FRIEND?! Oh Babs it is so how do you say AWESOME that I am talking to you again. How are you? How's the weather? How's the old town and the school? Do you still drop by it once and a while?" said Fifi.
"Fifi please, this is really important. I love talking to you again too, but this is really,really big." said Babs.
"Okay, I am listening." said Fifi. Babs told her everything. By the time it was over Fifi was crying' "LE BOOOO. LE BOO WHOO OOOOHHH LA SOB Of course I will be at se funeral." said Fifi.
"I'm glad to hear it. I'd like to stay on and chat more, but I've gotta make some more calls." said Babs.
Fifi wiped the tears from her face and tried to talk, but her voice kept cracking.
"I understand...my friend. SNIFF...I look forward to seeing you, Shirley, Buster,and all those guys again. Goodbye for now my friend. I love you Babs." said Fifi.
"Bye Fif. Girl, I love you too." said Babs.
Fifi hung up her house phone, and then walked over to the couch she set her purse down, and pulled her cellphone to make the arrangements.
IN A BAR IN NEW YORK
"Went on down to the cross roads. Fell down onto my knees." Fowlmouth sang in a bluesy way as he strummed on the strings of a guitar.
Then he sang it even louder with more of a growl in his voice' "WENT ON DOWN TO THE DAB GUM CROSS ROOOOOOADS. Fell down on my knees."
Fowlmouth strummed the lead, while Furball played the rhythm section. Meanwhile Dizzy was tapping on the drums. Dizzy didn't like just playing a slow paced drum part. He was becoming inpatient. He eyes turned angry, the red hot heat rose from the bottom of his head to the top, which made the small propeller on his hat spin with the speed of a helicopter blade. Steam came out of Dizzy's ears. That's it, I can takes no more' Dizzy thought in his head.
And with that, Dizzy started banging hard on the drums out of rhythm with Fowlmouth and Furball. Fowlmouth and Furball looked behind them to find to their absolute horror that Dizzy was banging the shit out of the drums.
"Dizzy, Dizzy, STOP!" Fowlmouth shouted at the top of his lungs.
But either Dizzy couldn't hear him, or he was just ignoring him. You be the judge.
"DIZZY STOP BANGING THOSE DAB GUM DRUMS, DAB GUM IT!" Fowlmouth shouted even louder with a toothy growl on his face.
Dizzy started spinning as he beat the drums even harder. So much harder infact that the drum kit started flying apart and into the audiences. Finally Dizzy stopped spinning, but even though the drums were gone, Dizzy was still waving his drum sticks around wildly and snarling as he waved them. The crowd started booing and threw stuff at the stage. Fowlmouth and Furball had to drag Dizzy off the stage, while trying to avoid flying debris from the crowd. One man threw a bowl of peanuts at the stage, and Dizzy jumped up and ate the whole bowl. Backstage Fowlmouth started bad mouthing Dizzy.
"Dab gum it Dizzy! That's the fourth show of ours you ruined! Listen closely you dab gum excuse for a dab gum drummer! We're a dab gum blues band, not a dab gum rock band! Get it, got it, DAB GUM GOOD!" Fowlmouth berated.
"Dizzy gotta kick out the jams, dude!" Dizzy yelled as he started playing air guitar.
Then their cellphone started to ring. Furball went to one of the duffel bags to answer the cellphone.
"Furball how the hell did I ever let you talk me into letting Dizzy in the band?" asked Fowlmouth.
Furball just looked over at him and shrugged, then continued looking for the cellphone.
"Meow?" Furball said into the phone.
"Furball is that you? It's me, Babs."
Furball's eyes went wide with surprise. He let out a barrage of excited meows.
"Hey what gives Furball?" asked Fowlmouth.
"Hey could you put me on speaker phone Furball? I have something to say to everybody." said Babs.
Furball pressed the speaker phone button and ran closer to Fowlmouth and Dizzy so they could hear.
"Hello?" said Babs.
"BABS BUNNY?!" said Fowlmouth and Dizzy at the same time.
"Babs, how are ya?" asked Fowlmouth.
Dizzy jumped on top of Fowlmouth and said into the phone, "Dizzy so happy to hear from Babs after all this time."
Fowlmouth grabbed Dizzy by the throat and pulled him to the ground. Then Fowlmouth jumped back to his feet and said into the phone. "So whatcha calling for?"
Dizzy put a boxing glove on his right hand and whacked Fowlmouth in the head. Fowlmouth got knocked out and sunk to the ground.
"Alright everybody, listen up..."
Fowlmouth zips back to his feet.
"...what I have to say isn't easy at all to say." said Babs.
Fowlmouth, Furball, and Dizzy all gathered around the phone and listened to Babs tell them about the situation with Bugs Bunny.
"Dab gum." said Fowlmouth.
"Meow." said Furball as tears came out of his eyes.
Dizzy just broke down crying. His tears flew all over the place. Fowlmouth and Furball now had on yellow raincoats and hats, with opened umbrellas.
"Of course we'll be at the funeral. We wouldn't miss it for the biggest dab gum gig in the world." said Fowlmouth.
"Meow, meow!" Furball agreed. "Dizzy make sure we get there!" said Dizzy after he stopped crying.
"Alright, I'll see you guys there. I have two more calls to make. See ya soon."
"Bye." Fowlmouth and Dizzy said at the same time while Furball let out a loud meow.
"Alright boys, to the van! Dizzy your paying for gas." said Fowlmouth.
"Why Dizzy always gotta pay for gas?" asked Dizzy.
"BECAUSE YOU'RE ALWAYS WRECKING OUR DAB GUM GIGS! NOW JUST DAB GUM DO IT, DAB GUM IT!" Fowlmouth shouted at the top of his voice.
NEW JERSEY
"Hi Hamton J. Pig here with another fantastic cleaning product! Do you keep wishing that your shoes wouldn't get that old worn out look like it eventually does? Well look no further than Acme's newest product, Acme Shoe new! You simply spray it on your shoe, then wipe it all over. But be sure to do tough rubs. Now you can where your same shoes for over fifty years and they'll still look not a day older than when you first got them. Call the number below on your screen to order now. And remember, if its not Acme, you won't be happy."
Hamton's Jersey born cousin Piglet turned off the T.V. as she heard the phone ring. Piglet had been watching Hamton's new commercial, but really wasn't interested in the actual show. Piglet answered the phone.
"Hello?" asked Piglet.
"Hello, is this Hamton?" asked Babs.
"No this is his cousin. Who's calling?" said Piglet.
"Oh well my name is Babs Bunny. Me and Hamton went to grade school together as kids. May I talk to him?" said Babs.
"Yeah, okay, sure. Hold on please." said Piglet.
Piglet walked to the backyard of Hamton's big house. Hamton was swimming in his pool enjoying the hot summer day.
"Hamton! Hamton!" Piglet called out.
Hamton peeked over the edge of his pool to spot his cousin holding out the phone.
"Phone's for you! Some bunny who says she went to school with you." Piglet shouted.
Hamton tried to jump over the side of the pool. But instead he took it down with him and the water started flowing out. The flowing water carried Hamton's body with it. It sent Hamton's body crashing into several potted plants,the picnic table and chairs he had set up,and then into a decorative rock. Hamton got up to his feet and tried running over to Piglet, but the water made the ground slippery, and made Hamton slip off his feet and start sliding toward Piglet. Piglet jumped out of the way and let Hamton crash into the wall of his house.
"Oh Hammy! Hammy are you all right?" asked Piglet.
Hamton got up to his feet and said "I'm fin Piglet. Honest I am."
"Oh what a relief." said Piglet.
She then handed Hamton the phone.
"Hello?" said Hamton.
"Hi ya Hammy. It's me Babs."
"Babs? Hi, nice to hear from you after so long. In fact it's been to long since I heard from you or any of the others from Acme Looniversity." said Hamton.
"I know, I know Hamton. I just wish that this was only a pleasure call." said Babs.
"What do you mean?" asked Hamton.
So Babs told Hamton everything about Bugs Bunny.
"I'll be there." said Hamton.
"Okay, I'll see you there." said Babs.
"Likewise, Babs. Goodbye." said Hamton.
"What's the matter Hammy?" asked Piglet as she saw Hamton's eyes tearing up.
"Bugs is dead." said Hamton.
"Bugs? As in Bugs Bunny? That's impossible." said Piglet.
"I have to go to the funeral in Acme Acres. I don't think I can go through this alone." Hamton said as tears ran down his cheeks.
"Can you come with me?" he asked Piglet.
"Yes, of course I will. I've always wanted to know more about your childhood and where you came from. I'll cancel my surgery. I'll help you get through this." said Piglet.
"Aww Piglet. You're the best cousin I could ask for." said Hamton as he hugged his cousin.
After their hug, Piglet said' "Now I think we should start preparing for the trip as soon as possible."
"I agree completely. Despite the circumstances, it will be great to see all the guys from back in the day." said Hamton.
COUNTY JAIL, SOMEWHERE IN PITSBURG
"Alright, I'll keep you posted funny bunny wunny." said Elmyra. "Bye,bye now. Yo guard, come hang up the phone." The policeman came up to Elmyra's cell and took the phone from her and put it back on the hook.
ELMYRA TO THE READERS: Have you ever noticed that the phone is always close to a main character's cell in these type of scenarios?
"Who was that Elmyra? Is something wrong?" asked Elmyra's cell mate.
"Na, it's okay Kiki. It was just a huggable bunny I knew in school. Everything will be alright."
"Well what did the rabbit have to say?" asked Kiki.
"Our school principle passed away. I have to attend the funeral."
"Uh just one problem with that girlfriend, you're not due out for another eleven months." said Kiki.
"Well my fellow down on her luck inmate, if things go the way I'm arranging, I could be in for some parole time." said Elmyra with a sly smile on her face.
"Elmyra you're request for parole was denied." said a passing police officer.
Elmyra shrugged her shoulders and said "Hmm, guess I'll just have to break out." said Elmyra.
"Just have to? Girl you can go ahead and try but I don't think you'll get..."
"Bye,bye Kiki." said Elmyra, cutting off her cell mate.
Kiki saw Elmyra on the other side of the cell window that overlooked the courtyard. Kiki's eyes widened in surprise.
"How did you get out of here?" Kiki asked.
"Through that plot hole in the wall." Elmyra said as she pointed to a closing hole in the cell wall.
Kiki tried to jump through the plot hole, but it closed and she just ran into a solid brick wall.
"Oh tough luck gal. Well bye,bye Kiki." Elmyra said just before she walked away.
BACK IN HOLLYWOOD
Buster ran as fast as he could through the bus station. He stopped for just a moment and looked around at every corner. Then he took off to the right. As he ran a man rolled a baggage cart in the way of Buster's plotted course. Buster tried for a screeching stop, but he was too late. He went flying into the baggage. Buster walked away from the wrecked baggage walking all loopy with his eyes all googly and stars flying around his head.
"I'm alright." said Buster.
"I mostly hurt just my pride."
Buster shook his head a few times to regain his senses then continued running. After several more minutes of running around like a lost bunny (pun intended) Buster finally spotted what he was looking for.
"GOGO! DON'T!" Buster yelled as his legs spun in the air, then sent him zipping to the bus stop Gogo was standing infront of.
Gogo was just about to hop on a bus leaving for Nevada. He decided to try his luck at the craps table. But just then Gogo could've sworn he heard a voice calling his name. But it was hard to hear over all the noise being made where he was. People were talking and clamoring to each other.
" 'SIGH' Must be in my head." said Gogo.
But just then Gogo felt a hand grab him by the back his rubbery cartoon neck. The hand wrapped completely around Gogo's neck and pulled him back away from the bus stop. The person let go of Gogo's neck and then put his hands on Gogo' shoulders and shook him a little.
"Take anything you want! I wont tell the cops!" said Gogo.
The shaking stopped, but Gogo still felt the hands on his shoulders. Gogo opened one eye and saw it was Buster.
"Buster! Why'd ya sneak up on me like that?! I was just about to go ninja samurai on your bunny tail!" said Gogo as he removed Buster's hands from his shoulders.
"Gee sorry, Gogo. But I had to stop you from getting on that bus." said Buster.
"Well don't bother. I'm going to Vegas." said Gogo.
"Vegas, why?" said Buster.
"You fired me remember. I have to make more money somehow." said Gogo.
"But, Gogo..."
"STOP!" Gogo held his right hand out infront of Buster and it turned into a stop sign.
"My mind is made up. Besides that's what all has been celebrities do. Well that and drink, do drugs, hit their wives, and then act like it all never happened and open up a twitter account. WINNING!" said Gogo.
"But I prefer the just gambling part."
"Gogo will you please listen to me for a second? I've got something very important to tell you." said Buster.
Gogo grabbed two elephant ears and put them on his head and said' "I'm all ears."
"Okay Gogo...it's gonna be hard for you to believe...but...Bugs Bunny died." said Buster.
The elephant ears floated off Gogo's head as the look on his face turned from serious to sad.
"What?"
"I know. I know Gogo. I was upset too. Heck I still am upset." said Buster.
"Oh my...How did it happen?" said Gogo.
"No one really knows." said Buster.
Tears started to fall from Gogo's eyes.
"When is the funeral?" asked Gogo.
"In a week. And Bugs's will asks us all to attend and to dump his ashes on Carrot Island." said Buster.
"Really? Wait a minute. All of us? As in...?"
"Yep exactly Gogo. The whole gang from Acme Loo." said Buster.
"Wow, can you imagine? The whole gang back together. It should be heartwarming." said Gogo with a heart over his chest with an electric blanket over it.
"So will you come?" asked Buster.
"Of course. Are you kiddin'? I wouldn't miss this for the biggest break in Hollywood. LET'S GOOOOO!" said Gogo.
"Alright Gogo me dodo. I already paid for two first class tickets to Acme Acres. Let's hoof it."
And then Gogo and Buster spun around and came out dressed like cowboys and Gogo had a fiddle which he played as he and Buster square danced to the airport.