The Pregnancy Ship

Chapter 15: Going Home

Author's note: Just wanted to say thank you for all the wonderful reviews, and as for the negative ones you make me want to address your concerns. First of all this is an AU, Alternate Universe story. Second of all, in my story Sharon is pregnant with twins and is experiencing pregnancy hormones in double doses. At a time in her life when she thought she would be enjoying her grandchildren, instead of not one, but two new children of her own. On several occasions Mary McDonnell has said that Sharon Raydor is full of emotion but has had to bury her emotions for a lot of reasons. So in my story, she's pregnant with twins and she is temporarily blind! Even Sharon Raydor might buckle under those circumstances. In her previous marriage to Jack, she never experienced the loving kindness and support Andy is giving her now. She recognizes it for what it his, true love! So she's allowing him some leeway. As for his faux pas of hitting her on the butt in front of people, he realized his mistake, he apologized and she forgave him. As for shushing her he wasn't trying to treat her like a child, he was trying to take responsibility for what he felt was his fault. Andy is trying to be her one-man support system! He's also trying to be everything Jack was not. Nurturing, loving, supportive and maybe, he is babying her a bit, he's trying to help her cope and he feels she deserves to be babied a little. As for her crying too much, (She doesn't mean to come off as a Laura Petrie, "ohhhhh Rob!" or Lucy, "Ricky!") She's been thrown a lot of curve balls in this story. There are bound to be tears, until she comes to grips with her loss of sight, temporary though it may be, it doesn't feel temporary while you're experiencing it. Don't forget the headaches and sensitivity to sound and light and her exhaustion. How would you react under those circumstances? Sharon may be Darth Raydor, but she's human too. (I say that with tongue in cheek, because she's a figment of James Duffs imagination, but she's as real to me as anyone of my friends.) I hope I explained my reasoning. Everybody is entitled to his or her opinion though. Again, thank you for all of your reviews.

After Rusty kissed Sharon and said goodbye, he left for school. Then the nurse came in and freed Sharon from all the equipment, i.e: IV's, fetal monitoring, equipment, blood pressure monitors, and catheters so that she'd be ready for her first therapy session with the low vision specialist/occupational therapist. She was glad to be rid of it all.

At 11:30am Melinda Roslin came into the room after knocking. She was of medium height, with long red hair worn in a French braid down her back and had hazel eyes. She was pretty and energetic. She wore purple scrubs and carried a clipboard with Sharon's information on it. She observed Sharon Raydor sitting in her fiancés lap her head on his shoulder, her hair was tousled, her eyes closed. She was still clad in her nightgown from home, she had fuzzy purple socks on, and she looked tired, vulnerable and pregnant. Melinda also observed that the bed had been stripped, and was being remade by a young candy stripper. "Rough night? "Melinda asked.

"You have no idea." Sharon answered tiredly.

"Well, at the risk of making it worse I am Melinda your Low Vision Occupational Therapist and we have work to do."

"I'm sorry, I'm such a mess! They wouldn't let me take a shower. They said you would want to help me with that and from what I remember it's part of the learning process." Sharon took a breath after her long speech. She pressed her lips together and tried to relax and not fidget.

"No worries, I didn't expect you to look like you were ready to go to a ball, you're a patient in the hospital, after all and you're right, it is part of the learning process. Have you been through this before?"

"Yes and no, it was a sensitivity workshop for work that I designed. Excuse me I forgot to introduce myself, I'm Captain Sharon Raydor and this is Andy Flynn, my fiancé. You can call me Sharon. Where will we start?"

"Well, we normally start with eating, but I was told your son upstaged me and brought you oatmeal from Starbucks so you've already had breakfast. So why don't we conquer the shower first, then we can work on lunch.

"You know I'm going home today?" Sharon asked, not wanting there to be any misunderstanding.

"Yes, it says so in your chart." Melinda said smiled, "today will be an abbreviated session. Once you've been home and had a real night sleep, you'll be up to more lengthy sessions."

Andy helped Sharon stand up to face the therapist. "Okay, let's get this done." Sharon said, resigned. She was already tired since she hadn't been on her feet since five o'clock the night before. She stood tall though a bit shaky. "What do I do first?"

Melinda could see the effort she was having to put forth, just standing and decided to forego a lot more than originally thought. "Andy, if you'll grab her overnight bag, we'll walk the ten steps to the shower." Andy did as he was told, not letting go of Sharon. "Now, Sharon let's count your steps, don't slide your feet pick them up like you normally would. Place your hand on the wall here and use it as a guide." She placed Sharon's hand on the wall, and showed her. "1..2..3..4.. 5..6..7..8..9..10, we're here!" Said Melinda at the same time someone called for another doctor on the overhead intercom. Sharon winced at the loudness of her voice, mixed with the intercom. Melinda resolved to keep her voice down. "I'm sorry, are you in pain?" she asked concerned.

"I am really sensitive to loud noises and bright lights at times. I guess it has to do with hitting my head. It's one of the many reasons why I want to go home, blessed quiet."

"For your sake I hope that gets better soon. Two babies crying at the same time, not quiet."

Sharon rolled her eyes, "don't I know it. I once had a three year old and then an infant at the same time and they are not quiet, and I remember when I was a younger, my baby sisters after they were born. They were definitely not quiet."

Getting back to their task, Sharon listened carefully, and did her best to follow instructions. She remembered a lot from the workshops, but found a great deal was different then she remembered. She was exhausted and couldn't wait to sit down. Finally they were done the shower and dressing, she also ran a wide-tooth comb along with detangler through her hair. Afterwards Sharon counted her way back to the chair. Once there, she sat down heavily, and blew out a breath. "You did well Sharon! You should be proud of yourself."

Sharon said, "thank you Melinda." She quietly humphed to herself, self-deprecatingly, knowing now how Andy felt so many months ago when he was hurt, and Rusty and her had made a big deal about him being able to stand and turn around without getting dizzy.

"You're welcome. They brought your lunch. I gather you know about the plate being the face of a clock, so I'll skip the preliminaries and say that a grilled cheese sandwich is between the 7 and 10 places on the clock. A cup of tomato basil soup is between 1 and 3. Crackers are at 5 and 6.

Sharon ate with slow measured movements and was careful not to spill the soup or drop anything. By the time she finished she was past exhaustion, Andy could tell. "Sharon, Honey, I'm going to hunt for Dr. Janet and get your discharge papers signed so we can go home, okay?"

"Thank you, Andy," her voice was faint. Her eyes closed.

"Sharon that's all for now, I will be coming over to your house tomorrow morning, about 11:00am, sound good?" Said, the therapist.

"Hmmmmm, okay. Thanks again." Melinda watched Sharon for a minute. Concerned she had pushed her too hard, "Sharon, are you okay?"

"What? Yes, I'm...just very tired, can't get enough sleep here. When I get home I'll be fine." She didn't open her eyes she just curled up in the chair and dozed.

Melinda sat and waited for Andy to get back, twenty minutes later he came back with the discharge papers in hand, and a wheel chair. Before he came in the room the therapist met him at the door and they had a discussion about how to help Sharon at home until she could have a session with her there. Then Melinda looked at her watch and said, "oh gotta go, I'm gonna be late for my next client if I don't hustle."

"Sorry Melinda, it took awhile to find the doctor, thanks for staying with her."

"No problem, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Do you need the address?"

"No, thank you! Got it in my GPS." Melinda mentioned and then said her goodbyes and left.

Andy woke Sharon and helped her into the wheelchair. They left the hospital and were home within a few minutes. The team had wanted to come to the hospital to help get her home, but Andy had thanked them and said no. He knew Sharon just wanted to sleep. All the noise and confusion of having the team there would have brought on another major headache. So he helped her out of the car and guided her through the house to their bedroom. He heard her mumbling something. "What Sharon? Did you say something?"

"Not really, just counting to myself. There are ten steps from the garage to the kitchen door, and fifteen more from the kitchen to the bedroom," she said, proud of herself for remembering to count in spite of her fatigue.

She couldn't see it but Andy smiled, "you'll have to tell Melinda. He said and gave her a hug glad her spirit was lifted. He imagined part of it was being home. "Sweetheart, what would you like to do first? Nap on the couch; drink a cup of herbal tea? Sleep here in the bedroom?"

"Snuggle in here with you? Could that be one of my choices?"

"Of course. Always."

Sharon looked happy one moment, pensive the next. Her eyes began to dart back and forth, as she tried to get her bearings and calculate where the bathroom was in relationship to where she was standing. Andy realized the problem, by her body language. "The bathroom is a forty-five degree angle to your right. The wall including the door which is closed is at a fifty degree angle, use it to guide you, remember don't turn too fast." Sharon turned slowly, counting seven steps to the door of the bathroom and three more steps to the toilet. She sighed in relief as some of the terror she was feeling about something as simple as getting to the bathroom without soiling herself disappeared at least under these circumstances.

After taking care of her business she felt her way to the sink and washed her hands, and then found her way out of the bathroom. As she stood in the doorway of the bathroom she tried to remember the therapist's instructions and her previous training about picturing her bedroom and where things were from the vantage point of the bathroom door. Sharon had been sharing this room with Andy, for only the last 6 1/2 weeks, but even so she had come out of the bathroom and gone to her dresser hundreds of times, since then. She tried to conjure up a picture in her head a layout of the room, but for some reason pictures of her room at the condo and the rooms were jumbled in her mind.

Before she had a meltdown she started to take deep breaths. Then she heard Andy's voice. "Sharon, don't panic, you can do this. If you are looking for the dresser, it's two side steps to your right. Reach out and touch it, Sweetheart." Andy waited and watched as she followed his instructions. When she had her hand on the dresser, he instructed her to slide her hand over the surface of the dresser and find her jewelry box. She did, "okay, so now you are facing the middle of the dresser, do you remember which drawers, hold your nightgowns and underwear?"

"The top one to my right holds my nightgowns, the top one to my left my underwear."

"Okay, great! Find something to wear then we'll go from there."

"Will you help me? I can't seem to find my other favorite nightgown," Sharon said rifling through the drawer.

"Honey, I can't help you. You need to learn to help yourself by learning to rely on your sense of touch." Andy's tone came out a little sharper than he had meant it to be. It was because his knowledge of what would truly help her and his desire to wrap her up in his arms to protect her and do everything she asked him to do were warring with each other. He was gratified to see fire in her eyes. Her expression was shocked at first, then angry.

"You try being fifty-two and pregnant, with twins no less, and blind to boot! Temporarily or otherwise and see how you like it! I asked you for one simple thing, and you decide to play the tough guy! Well, thanks a lot Andy!" Sharon started to try to turn away from him, but she became dizzy again. She started to flail her arms to regain her balance, but this time Andy caught her before she fell again.

"Whoa there Sweetheart, I've got you." Sharon held onto him for a moment then stepped away remembering she was mad at him for refusing to help her. Then just as suddenly she became sad that she needed him or anybody else to help her do such a simple thing as pick out a nightgown. Andy could see Sharon struggling to gain control of her emotions, so before she could overthink their little fight, he touched her chin with his finger and tilted it so it appeared she was looking straight at him. "Hey, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that the way it sounded. Honestly, Sharon it's all I can do to keep from helping you more...physically by walking you to the bathroom. Instead of giving you instructions to get there yourself or putting the clothes out for you instead of verbally directing you to them or to help you get dressed instead of allowing you to dress yourself. But I know it would not be good for you, it would be crippling you...essentially. I know you would hate to be dependent on me for everything. This is hard for me, too Sharon. I love you so much, and I want to make things easier for you. I'm the reason you're in this situation, and I so want to make it all go away. Not...not the babies, but all the bad stuff that has happened lately.

Sharon's smile was sudden and as bright as the sun. She reached up to find his cheek and caressed it. "What happened is not entirely your fault or mine, Andy. It happened, and you are right, I have to learn to be independent. Someone once said to me, without the bad how could we recognize and appreciate the good? I know that sounds unrelated to what we are talking about, but let me finish. I experienced some good but much much more was bad in my relationship with Jack; and now that I have you in my life there's so much good. You are unfailingly kind loving and supportive, I appreciate you so much and I love you too, but I've become somewhat used to you not telling me no, so it kind of shocked me when you did just now. I know I've been a complete mess lately, crying, whining, and you've been loving, supportive and comforting. These are things I never got from Jack and just now I acted, spoiled and crabby, I am so sorry. I should have realized what you were trying to do, and not gotten mad. Please forgive me." She buried her face in his neck, needing the physical contact.

Andy put his arms around her and sat down with her on the edge of the bed, running his hands up and down her back in a soothing pattern. "You were not spoiled or crabby. Actually, I was kind of glad you got mad. It shows that you're on your way back to being you. Sharon you have been crying a lot the last couple of days, but I don't think you've been whiny. You've been hit with a lot of curve-balls lately! Anybody going through what you've been going through would fall apart, well maybe that's the wrong way to put it. Andy sat up straight and started talking like the scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz when he started talking smart. "Um...under those circumstances, anybody would need a moment or two to assimilate themselves to their circumstances. It just shows you're human that's all."

Sharon snort laughed at his antics and his high faulting speech. "Well don't go all hoity-toity on me now. You were right the first time. I fell apart! In the hospital I was completely freaked out about being there to begin with. They were trying to stick me and put things in me, and I couldn't see! I didn't know where you were, if you were safe or if something happened to you, and I thought no one was telling me the truth!"

Sharon stopped and took a deep breath, as she tried to gather her thoughts. "My head hurt so badly, and aside from that time when I had to save Rusty from Wade Weller, I don't think I've been that badly frightened in a very long time. Not since Ricky was taken by cesarean two weeks premature with the cord wrapped around his little neck, and Jack was nowhere to be found. Emily was staying with Mary, and I was all alone. Mama and Daddy were across the country with Jan, watching her kids while she and her husband Mike went on a delayed honeymoon. Andrea was in court at the time, and as soon as she got out she came, but by then he was here. I mean Ricky was here."

Andy nodded, "that must have been terribly frightening. Is that where...um I um... I have been meaning to ask you, where your aversion to hospitals and needles came from. Is that where it came from?"

"Not exactly, that's another long story," said Sharon. She knew she should tell him, had been meaning to, but it was hard for her to remember that time. It wasn't that she couldn't remember it just hurt to remember.

"I'm listening," Andy said with determination. He felt he needed to know to understand her better.

Sharon blew out a breath; "okay" she snuggled closer to Andy as they lay back together and she began her story. "I was about eight and I was experiencing a lot of pain in my right side. I was on my way down the stairs to tell my parents about it, when I overheard my father talking about how expensive having five kids was when every time you turned around somebody was either sick or hurt. I guess he was going over the bills. My brother Jon had climbed a tree two weeks before, chipping a tooth and broke his collarbone when he fell out. My sister Mary had the flu, the week prior. The twins were still tiny babies. My mother said something that sounded like they regretted having us because we were so expensive and I heard her saying thank goodness Sharon was neither sick nor hurt. So...I didn't tell them about the pain, I was afraid they would regret me too." Andy could hear the sadness in Sharon's voice as she relived a part of her childhood.

"The next day I collapsed in art class. My Art teacher accompanied me in the ambulance, but she wasn't allowed back in emergency room, I was all alone, except for a nurse that was trying to take blood and she kept having to stick me over and over. It felt like she was mining for gold down deep in my arms. My parents were unable to get there in time for my emergency appendectomy. They only had one car and Daddy had it that day. So Momma had to call him and he had to pick her up. Plus Mary needed to come home from school to baby-sit the twins and help Jonathan he was still recovering from breaking his collarbone. The nurses were all nice to me, but they were giving me needles and I felt like a dartboard." Sharon shivered at the haunting memories before she continued. "I was so terrified of everything going on, and that my dad was going to have to pay a lot of money and would regret having me. My terror was making me produce adrenalin, and I wasn't going under like I needed to be. I felt a lot of things they were doing to prepare me for surgery that I shouldn't have felt, before I finally did go under. When I woke up later, my parents were there. They asked me why I didn't tell them I was having pain. I guess the doctor told them I had to have been feeling pain before the appendicitis attack. When I told them, they said that what I thought I heard was untrue. Mom explained that she had said, "we can't regret having our children, not they did regret us."

Andy stroked her hair as she talked to help sooth her. In a low voice he said, "wow, that must have scary for you. Did you even understand at the age of eight what the word regret meant?"

Sharon hummed as she relaxed in Andy's arms. "I read a lot, and excelled in spelling bees. "Regret" was the word I won my first spelling bee with, so I understood the meaning of the word. My interpretation as a child though, was they wouldn't love me anymore or want me if I cost them too much money. They assured me that I couldn't be further from the truth."

"How did you get passed all that?" Andy asked impressed with all that Sharon had gone through.

"My family helped. I remember my sister and brother doing their best to distract me during doctor appointments when I had to get shots. When I grew up and became a police officer and shot that young man that was trying to kill his mother I had to go to a therapist, some of those issues were discussed and I was given coping skills to deal with it. They are not entirely successful all the time, but for the most part they help. Distraction is one of the best ways to get me through it and you are great at that," she smiled up at him then yawned. "I guess I had better try again to find my favorite nightgown, before I get too comfortable."

"Sharon, reach under your pillow. It might be there." Sharon did as she was told, after finding her pillow she reached under her it and found her other favorite nightgown. It was a white fleece with embroidered rosebuds all over it. Andy watched as she felt for the tag, and placed it on her lap face down. She reached back, pulled her sweater and cranberry shell off at the same time, and then she put the nightgown on. Sharon stood up and pulled her yoga pants off. Since she hadn't worn them long, she reached out to feel for the chaise lounge and put the outfit on it, to be worn the next day.

While she was doing that Andy pulled the covers down, got into his sweatshirt and took off his pants leaving on just his boxers. Then they got into bed and snuggled. Sharon kissed Andy's chin, "I love you, Andy. So much! I don't feel like I tell you that nearly enough."

"And I love you, Sharon! More than I can ever express. We'll get through this. I know we will.

"I know we will too as long as we're together. You know..." she swallowed nervously, "we're supposed to get married in a couple of days and I've been seriously thinking of postponing it until I can see again or at least function independently in my own world. But I...don't want to... postpone it I mean. I want us to be married. Do you mind marrying me like this?" Sharon made a gesture to encompass her bruises and stitches. The gesture was also meant to include the blindness.

Andy looked shocked that she would think that he would bail on her because of her blindness, even if it were temporary. He realized right away the source of her insecurity and silently cursed Jack, yet again. "Of course not," he said kissing her. "If you like, we could just do it simply now, here at home or at the courthouse like we planned, and when you get your sight back we could have a reception at the beach and say our vows again."

"I like that idea, perhaps we could do it the second time after the babies are born and maybe have them christened at the same time. I would love to be able to have a separate party for their christening, but with the fact that Emily lives in New York, and Ricky lives in Palo Alto. Trying to coordinate everyone's schedules, I think it would be much less of a headache to combine them." Sharon shrugged her shoulder and made an ironic face.

"Speaking of which how's your head? Does it hurt as bad as it did in the hospital?" Andy asked, concerned.

Sharon took a moment to answer, "no it doesn't really. It hurts, aches actually but it's a dull ache that has receded into the background. At the hospital, every time the intercom would sound and someone would be talking at the same time or the machines would be beeping. There it was all kinds of other noises were happening at the same time, it would be like someone stabbed me in the temple, but now, it's much more manageable. It's probably the quiet and peace of being home," she said as she yawned again and her eyes fluttered closed.

That quick she was asleep. Andy smiled, amused that she had dropped off so quickly. He kissed the top of her head and closed his own eyes. Together in their own bed they slept better than they had in...what seemed like days.