Randy sprinted down a dark alley. He was a big round man with a brown beard, but what was pursuing him scared Randy enough to nearly make him pee his pants. Randy heard the sound of feet hitting the wet asphalt, and tried to go quicker when *BAM*
The pursuer delivered a bone crushing quick to Randy's back, sending the bearded man to the ground. The bag he was holding flew toward a trash can. Randy, dazed, looked up at his pursuer.
His eyes grew wide. "No, no, NOT YOU!" A duck waddled next to Randy and pecked him in the face. Randy squirmed but a webbed foot kept him in place.
"THE DUCKTECTIVE!" Cue theme song.
"Mabel, hurry up, its starting!" Dipper yelled. Mabel sprinted into the room, wearing a brand new teal sweater with a picture of a duck stitched on it. She sat down next to Dipper.
"You know I can't watch a new episode of Ducktective without my special sweater on."
Dipper rolled his eyes, then saw Mabel wolf down the popcorn. "Mabel, save some, alright? We still have 21 minutes to watch!"
The ducktective studied Randy for a moment. "Quack quack?"
Randy shook his head. "No, I-I don't work for the mafia!" The duck shook his head, then waddled over toward the bag Randy had dropped. He opened it, revealing thousands of wads of cash. Ducktective stared at Randy in disbelief.
"Alright, you got me. Bamboni sent me to get some money because he was in debt of Mario Russo. But I got that money fair and square!"
"QUACK!"
Randy hung his head. "Okay, I guess robbing a bank isn't fair and square, but, I had to get the money or-" Randy was cut short as a bullets struck his prone body. His head turned and Ducktective knew he was dead. A few bullets headed toward the duck's way, so he rolled toward a trash can for protection.
Two goons walked toward the body. Ducktective inched around to the other side of the barrel, then jumped toward the closest goon. He head butted him, and the criminal fell down. The other one pulled out a hand gun, but the duck slapped it out of his hand before pecking him in the nose. "Ow, m' 'ose!" the goon said as he fell down in shock.
Ducktective had no time to lose. Another car pulled up and several criminals were firing Tommy guns at him. "YOU'RE DEAD, DUCKTECTIVE!" one of them yelled. Ducktective then taunted, "Quack, quack-quack!"
The guy stopped shooting. "You're right, that's what I think." Ducktective squeezed threw a hole in a nearby fence. He wadded toward his Mustang, but a large muscled man stepped in front of him. Avalanche, Bamboni's enforcer.
"We meet again, ducktective. I hope you've brought some snow gear because you're gonna be stuck in an AVALANCHE!" Avalanche tried to grab the duck, but he rolled out of the way. Ducktective then launched a vicious roundhouse kick, connecting with Avalanche's jaw. The enforcer stumbled in pain, and Ducktective pecked him in the neck. Avalanche fell to the ground. While the strong man was distracted, Ducktective jumped into his car and drove off.
A large truck rumbled down the street, narrowly missing the mustang. Ducktective saw the trucker hunched over the steering wheel, eyes locked on the mustang, and the duck knew that trucker was out for a cooked goose.
The truck turned around and pursued Ducktective down the free way. The duck looked back and saw the truck was gaining on him at an alarming rate.
Up ahead, a ship was chugging down the river, and an operator was going to turn the swing bridge. An idea formed in Ducktective's head. He stepped on the gas pedal, and was now going 120 mph. The worker saw the Ducktective and his eyes widened in surprise.
The Ducktective launched over the gap and landed on the middle section of the bridge. The trucker tried to follow, but his truck smashed into the side of the middle section. The trucker smashed through the windshield and tumbled right next to the Mustang. Behind him, the truck fell into the water with a fiery explosion, narrowly missing the boat.
Ducktective opened the back door, hitting the trucker in the side of the head. He knew the man wouldn't talk unless he was tortured hard enough. The duck jumped out of the car and waddled over toward the trucker. "QUACK!"
The trucker spit out a cigar. "I ain't talking, water fowl." Water fowl was a highly derogative term, and the duck got very angry. He hoisted the trucker up and dangled him over the side of the bridge.
"QUACK!"
"Okay, okay, OKAY! You want information? I got it. Bamboni and Avalanche are meeting tonight in the old warehouse down at Wharf 21! Just stop dangling me!" The duck nodded and threw the trucker to the ground, who proceeded to curl up in a ball. Ducktective got back in his car and put on his shades. It was time to rock and roll. Cue commercial break.
"It's time to rock and roll," Mabel told her twin. SHe grabbed a pair of shades and put them on. Dipper shook his head.
"Mabel, you know I'm the only one who can look good in those shades." He pulled a pair of shades out of a desk and put them on. The twins stared a each other, trying to determine who looked better. Wendy then walked in.
"What are you dorks doing?" she asked. Dipper blushed and froze up, so Mabel asked the all important question.
"Who looks better in shades?" Wendy gave each of them a good, long stare. She rubbed her chin in thought, then took a deep breath.
"Mabel."
"YES!" Mabel cheered. She jumped on top of the recliner and started dancing. Wendy laughed then walked back to her position on the roof. Mabel poked Dipper. "You're jealous that your girlfriend thinks I look better in shades, aren't you?" Dipper glared grumpily at Mabel, then the TV announced Ducktective was back on.
"OOOHH! Now we will finally see Bamboin CRUMBLE!" Mabel pretending to shoot things around the room with her grappling hook.
Ducktective parked his mustang outside of the warehouse. He kicked the door open, but discovered it was pitch black. A loud booming voice rang out from above him.
"Got any grapes, ducktective?" Five muscled goons surrounded the ductective. Bambino crawled down a ladder and started slow clapping. "You nearly ended my reign of crime, ducktective, in particular that New York mission involving that donut and the musuem. But it ends tonight!"
Two goons grabbed the duck and held him to the ground. Ducktective tried to break free, but they were too strong. Bambino pulled out a hand gun. "Good bye, Ducktective!"
Then something strange happened. Bambino dropped the gun in shock. He stumbled then fell flat on his face, revealing about 20 tasers embedded in his back. It was the Constable!
While everyone was distracted, Ducktective threw the two goons. They both crashed into crates. The duck waddled over toward his friend. "Just like old times, eh?"
"Quack-Quack!" The two starting beating up the goons around the warehouse, providing their rear brand of duck-human justice that only they could deliver. Punches, slaps, peckings, kicks, and other types of strikes were performed. By the end of the montage 5 criminals lay around the ware house dead.
The two highfived, but then a gun loaded behind them. They turned and saw Bambino was aiming a gun at the Constable's head. Bambino chuckled. "I...always...have the last laugh." He swayed a bit, then pulled the trigger. Fortunately, the gun jammed. Bambino looked at the gun in disbelief. "Bollocks...I'll...murder you...momentarily. I just...need a glass of ice...water..." Bambino stumbled, the fell to the floor unconscious.
The Constable sighed in relief, then turned to face the Ducktective. "Looks like you-," the duck gave him a hard stare. "Umm, solved the case." The two fist bumped. Cue credits.
Mabel's eyes went wide with excitement. "Wow, that was the greatest Ducktective episode EVER!" She jumped and did a twirl.
Dipper wasn't as impressed. "They totally ripped off Batman Returns with the last with Bambino."
Mabel just shrugged. "Whatever. And besides, you got butter all over the chair."
"What! That was you!" Dipper accused. The two pretending to fight each other as they went to bed.
So that concludes another exciting chapter! See you next time, and remember, don't patronize that duck!
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