Chapter 5: I Could Feel Your Truth Beyond the Screen

Notes:

Warning: There is some medical stuff that is as realistic as I could make it and I'd like to think it is pretty accurate (I work in the medical field and I used to work in an Emergency room. I've seen A LOT). If you don't like that kind of stuff, please be warned. It is not very graphic, if anything just kind of gross.

You woke up with a pounding headache and the worst dizziness spell you ever had in your life. You hadn't even opened your eyes and you could feel the world spinning around you. Then you felt the contents of your stomach hurling up and you immediately sat up, emptying your stomach of the offending food. The vomit came at such a high pace you almost choked on it. What the hell. You caught your breath and looked around you. The first thing you saw were the half-processed contents of your food which made you gag again. You saw dirt, trees, and the night sky. Your ears were buzzing and you felt completely disoriented.

Where the hell am I? You got up and found your phone next to you, playing music on your headset, almost out of battery. You got up and the world spinned around you again so you leaned against a tree, trying to keep from falling. When you looked past the hill you recognized one of the buildings, the one near your house. Oh, I fell asleep on the hill. You turned around and stumbled back to your house feeling miserable, physically and emotionally.

You got home after what felt like the longest walk of your life. You drank about a gallon of water, you felt so parched and dehydrated. Of course this made the nausea worse and all the water went right back up a few minutes later. You gave up on drinking water so you stepped in the shower and almost slipped. Everything was still spinning so you sat down and let the water run on you while you tried to compose yourself. You looked up and felt the water droplets running down your face. You thought of Zen and remembered the best dream you ever had. You smiled.

And then you cried.

After getting yourself together you finally stepped out of the shower. The water had long started to run cold and you were trembling when you stepped out. You dried yourself off, threw on a shirt, and went in bed, sinking into a deep sleep. You woke up hours later, groggy from sleep, but still feeling quite terrible. At least things weren't spinning as much but you still felt pretty nauseous. You had never felt so shitty so you decided to go to the Emergency room around the corner of your house.

"So you say you passed out on a hill last night and woke up with a bad headache, nausea, dizziness, emesis…" the doctor repeated back to you after you told him the story of what had happened. "Well, miss MC, it seems like you may have overexerted yourself, fallen, and given yourself a concussion. I'd like to get a CT scan of your brain to rule out any swelling" the doctor said. "Follow my finger with your eyes" he moved his fingers in front of your face from side to side "Yeah you have a very noticeable left lateral nystagmus… you must have hit your head pretty bad. Let's give you some fluids, something for the nausea, and we'll get you that CT scan, ok?" he said, before walking out of the room.

You rested your head in your arms and breathed slowly, worried that breathing too quickly may even make you throw up again. A nurse came by and hooked you to an IV for fluids and some IV nausea medicine. You felt a little better. After a while though, boredom got the better of you so you grabbed your phone and launched mystic messenger. You hadn't launched a route since you last played the April Fool's DLC. You opened the gallery and found Zen's pictures. You looked just like this in my dreams… you thought a smile creeping on your lips… followed by tears on the corners of your eyes. Fuck. I can't keep doing this to myself. You closed the app and put your phone down, laying on your side facing away from your phone, curling up to a fetal position as you held back the urge to cry. You could almost imagine Zen curling up on a hospital bed with you, worried you may be sick, worried the nurses were taking too long to come help you, caressing your back, just… comforting you.

"Princess" you heard, clear as day, and your eyes shot wide open and you sat up immediately, almost rolling off the hospital bed. You looked around desperately but you were alone in the room. You laid back down and covered your eyes with your hands. What is wrong with me.

The hospital kept you overnight. After a few other tests and after having CT results available, you were discharged home with instructions and some medicine. There was no swelling in your brain or anything to serious. The nystagmus had resolved and you had been able to have some oatmeal for breakfast that didn't immediately hurl back up. You felt confident you'd fare well at home on your own. Even then, you called off work for the next few days so you could recover. Once home, you got a little work done but sitting in the computer gave you a headache so you went to grab something to drink and sat on the backyard. It was already getting dark out. You laid back on your patio furniture and watched the color of the sky go from a light blue, to orange, purple, red, and finally pitch black.

Despite swearing off mystic messenger a few days ago, you don't know what got into you that you opened the app again and went to the chat log of the darn DLC that broke your heart.

You closed your eyes and held the phone to your chest, remembering that dream you had. Remembering how he smiled when he first saw you. His hair pooling around you when he held you in his arms, the feeling of him inside you . You opened your eyes and you stared at the night sky again, feeling as if your heart would shrivel up within your chest. Just when you were considering going back in the house to lie in bed, you saw a shooting star vanish across the sky and your heart fluttered again, making the same wish you had before. I'm hopeless.

You woke up in bed a few hours later really needing to use the restroom. You got out of bed and didn't bother to turn the light on - you knew your house so well you could walk around with your eyes closed. Except when you headed around the bed you stubbed your toe on the edge of your bed. Ugh. You walked towards to bathroom door but hit a wall instead. What? You looked for the light switch but couldn't find it so you headed back to the bed and grabbed your phone, turning on the flashlight. This wasn't your room. Your heart began racing. You looked at the bed and it was empty. You looked for a light and turned it on, recognizing Zen's room. Your heart did a summersault. You went out of the room and yelled out his name. No answer. You went to use the restroom and grabbed your phone shortly after, noticing it was around 11pm. Zen would be... working out? You didn't care, you called him immediately.

"MC?!" he said, with a tone of urgency on his voice. "Are you alright? Where are you?" his tone startled you.

"I'm at your place?" you said, unsure of his reaction. "Where are you?"

"I went for a run, don't leave, I'll be right there princess" he said, before hanging up the phone. You literally squealed of excitement and threw your hands in the air. You'd get to see him again. Another great dream. You couldn't wait to see him, to kiss him, to catch that smell of citrus in his hair. You threw yourself in his bed again and grabbed one of his pillows, inhaling the scent. Citrus. Manly. Zen. Your heart was getting ready to beat out of your chest and you couldn't stop smiling. You grabbed your phone and started at his picture. You jumped in the RFA chatroom but no one was online. You shrugged it off and put your phone aside. You heard keys at the door when your phone started ringing again.

Incoming call from Zen.

"Zen?" you answered. "Are you at the door?"

"Yeah, where are you? I thought you said you were here?" Zen said, as you heard footsteps in the living room.

"Yeah, I'm in your room" you said, sitting up on his bed. You barely finished saying that when he stood in his doorframe with his phone held to his ear. He was breathing heavy, as if he had just ran all the way to his apartment. "Hi" you said to him, putting the phone down. Just seeing him made you beam. He stared at you incredulously. "Zen?"

"Where had you been?!" He exclaimed, almost yelling at you. It startled you, freezing you in place. You had been about to run to his arms but his reaction made you nervous. He saw your hesitance and walked over to you and kneeled at the end of the bed putting his head in your lap and his arms around your torso. "I was so worried you were hurt. I was so worried something happened to you. I even thought… I thought I went too far last time you were here and that you hated me, that you didn't want to see me again." He was holding you so tightly. You were speechless. This is weird. Why would a dream be mad at me for not… dreaming? He continued on "And I had a dream you were sick and you were in the hospital but I couldn't… I couldn't touch you, I couldn't comfort you, and you were crying, and I called for you, Princess, but you were alone. I felt so… powerless"

This was surreal. You looked at Zen's head as he laid on your lap and moved your hand to his hair. You touched him. He felt so real, just like last time. You played with his hair and caressed him. You wanted to comfort him but you felt a knot at the top of your throat. What could you say to him?

"Princess, please, talk to me. Tell me what happened" he said, looking up at you. He begged you for answers.

"I… I… " you started, but the lump in your throat made you choke on your own words. Then you saw him, you really saw his face. He was puffy, his eyes were red, and he had bags under them. He still looked beautiful but you could tell he had been worrying, he hadn't been sleeping well, he had been crying. You slid off the bed and knelt in front of him, embracing him, hiding your face from him. "I'm sorry" where the only words you were able to utter out. If you said more, you'd be crying inconsolably and that was not how you wanted to spend what little time you had with him before you woke up. He wrapped his arms around you so strongly and lowered his head to the corner of your neck, as if he could absorb all of you in a hug. You could feel him breathing heavy, as if he was holding his emotions back as well.

"I woke up and you were just... gone" he whispered in your ear. "Like you had never been here"

I'm losing my mind.

"I was here" you said desperately. "I was here. You touched me. You kissed me. We made love. I was here" you said. And it was like something in your brain clicked. You were here.

And you were here now.

Notes:

Ahhh I'm sorry for all the angst and no sin. I'm working on the next chapter. There's an 80% chance that one will have sin. We'll see.

Critiques and comments are super welcomed! please tell me what you think! And let me know if you catch any grammar errors!