Do you want to vote for two men who are honest, serious, and are no-nonsense? If you do, then don't vote for our candidates. But if you want candidates who are awesome, magnificent, and can perform Falcon Punches, vote Trembley-McSkirmish 2012.

"If you vote for us," the presidential hopeful told us, "I can guarentee there will be a 89% decrease in vampire fridge attacks."

Let's see their stances on key issues.

ABORTION

"No comment..."

"Agreed!"

CRIME

"It's simple," Trembley stated in an interview. "We kill the Batman."

DECEMBER 21, 2012

"Aliens."

"Intergalatic synchronization beam."

DOMESTIC ISSUES

"First, I will end the Pancake War which has cost us millions of syrup bottles. Then I will use that extra money usually used for pancakes and make Waffle Land! Just think about it! I will create the greatest waffle-themed amusement park/carnival in all of Earth and Mars, and kajillions of people will go there. You get a waffle-themed play land, and money. It's a win/win situation."

ECONOMY

"To fix the economy of these several united states, we must bury all of our money underground. We will then give people jobs digging them back up again. D-Don't laugh...it's perfect!" Trembly has previously stated he supports continuing the Summerween Candy Tax of 2003, which has caused some controversy among 12 year old kids.

EDUCATION

"I'm too cool for school, so I can't answer that." McSkirmish had told us.

"Yes, school, the birthplace of knowledge! If I'm president I will dedicate an entire class to the FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER!"

ENERGY

"I have thought about this for a while," Trembley told us while scratching his nose. "We must harness the power of DNA to, to evolve animals! We can have Japanese kappa, mammothines, elephantines, krakens, and lionesques. And at the head of this is a flying whale...YES! That is the answer. I shall call this whale...THE LEVIATHAN!"

"Uh..."

"What? I'm sure that idea is not copyrighted."

ENVIROMENT

"Who cares about the enviroment?" Trembley asked.

EQUAL RIGHTS

Trembley's offical stance is that Hobbits and Martians are of equal status of humans. However, his track record is marred by an outburst by Mr. McSkrimish during a previous debate.

Obama: Wanna hear a joke?

McSkirmish: Women's rights!

McSkirmish has apologized for this statement, saying, "I'm sorry. I was in the heat of the moment."

IMMIGRATION

"Everyone is welcome to this great land." McSkrimish stated. "Except Norwegians. And you know why."

FOREIGN POLICY

"INVADE THE SOVIET UNION!" Rumble McSkirmish states his beliefs are based on the fact that it's still the 1980s.

"Now, now Rumble," Quentin told his pixel-y vice president. "First we make our Death Star fully operational, then we invade France so they can't use their lightning gun against us."

"Do you mean the Eiffel Tower?"

"What?"

HEALTH CARE

Rumble McSkirmish chose to answer this one. "Simply level up until you get maximum health. I recommend beating up Goblins, they have an combat level of 2."

INFRASTRUCTURE

Trembley has outlined his idea in the Coney Island Plan. "First, we destroy Coney Island, because the hot dogs there cost way too much. Then, we use the materials to build Waffle Land, and less important stuff, y'know, like highways."

JOBS

"It's a four letter word, Biden, IT'S A FOUR LETTER WORD!"

MARRIAGE

"I support Human-Woodpecker Marriage," Trembley stated. Him, the vice president hopeful, and the reporter stared at each other awkwardly for a few moments. Finally, Mr. McSkirmish broke the silence.

"I ship Dipper and Candy."

NATIONAL SECURITY

Trembley made a fist. "The Templars vye for control of Earth, but we cannot allow this. ASSASSINS! ASSASSINS!"

Our reporter immediantly fled, yelling "Assassino!"

QUESTION 2

Trembly laughed. "That's an easy one. We simply freeze ourself in a block of solid brittle, a pretty smooth move if you ask me, and wait until they discover how to re-animate bodies."

RENT

McSkirmish got very angry when he heard this word. "THE RENT IS TOO DAMN HIGH!"

SENIOR CITZENS

"People can get to be 65 years old!?"

TACO BELL

Under the "Dipper Goes to Taco Bell Act of 2012", Trembly decrees: "All members of the Pines Family, including one Stanford Pines, Mabel Pines, and Roderick "Dipper" Pines,...weird name, I know, are never allowed to go to Taco Bell or your local KFC ever again, on account of scarring hundreds of Tumblr and Fanfiction users."

TAXES

"Ooohh, this one is a tough-y." Rumble scratched his head, creating a rather disturbing noise. "Oh, I got it now. Less taxes for everyone! Except Norwegians. And you know why."

TRANSPORTATION

"What's wrong with horses?" Trembley has asked to several reporters. None of them has come up with answer besides the fact he wants to use, well...horses.

"I fully support the use of Game Central Station!" McSkirmish has declared.

So, please, vote for the Dinousaur Party. Because our party will take our country's problems, and push them somewhere else.

TREMBLEY-MCSKIRMISH 2012. SILLINESS AT HOME, INSANITY ABROAD.