I smoothed out my dress for the umpteenth time, glancing at the clock hanging on the wall opposite. Two minutes later than it had the last time I checked. Still five minutes to go.
I'd never been so anxious over a date in my life – not even my first (last), date with Alice. It was the anticipation that was getting to me, along with the added conflict, the thoughts that had been swirling in my head since that afternoon. Seeing her again filled me with a mixture of twirling emotion, but I knew as soon as I saw her that those feelings would fade – because she had such an effect on me.
Yet another reason why I wanted her to get here already.
I knew she wouldn't be early, though. She'd be precisely on time – eight o' clock, not a second too early, not a second too late. I stood, moving to the bathroom to check my appearance once again – my make-up was still in place, eyes lined heavily with mascara and eye-liner, lipstick still in place.
I'd gone all out tonight.
My dress was black, with a plunging neck-line, revealing just enough cleavage to be classy, and not slutty. It stopped mid-thigh, and if I crossed my legs when I was sat down, the tops of the thigh-high stockings I'd worn for the occasions were just enough on show to tease. I'd even put on my best matching underwear for the occasion.
Sighing, I made my way back into the main room of my apartment, heels clicking on the hardwood floor. I pulled on my black leather jacket, prepared for the horrid weather, and checked my bag for the third time – phone, keys and purse were all inside, just like the last time I'd checked.
Eventually, the doorbell rang, and I ran to the door, running a quick hand through my messy, curled and sprayed hair to make sure I didn't look too eager, before yanking the door open.
"Hey," I said, slightly breathless at the sight of the beautiful vampire stood before me. She was positively beaming, eyes swimming with warmth as she leant forward to kiss me gently, lips against mine for only a few seconds before she stepped back.
"I missed you today," she murmured, leaning against the doorframe. I was half-tempted to grab her and drag her inside, but I refrained – I didn't want to ruin her plans, because I was fairly sure that they were going to be fun. "Did you have a good day?"
"Yeah," I replied, locking my door behind me and turning, a soft smile on my face reserved for the woman beside me. "It was fun. What did you do?"
"Nothing much. Just went for a walk."
"In this weather?" We started walking, Alice's arm linked with mine, our hands stuffed into our pockets against the cold. I let her lead the way, having absolutely no idea where we were going, content to just follow.
"I don't feel the cold, silly." It was almost like a slap in the face – another reminder of how completely different we were. A reminder of the decision, and the sacrifice I was going to have to make pretty soon – Alice, or my life.
I looked to the side, focusing on the bright lights of the flats and houses and some shops that we passed, blinking back the sudden tears that threatened to overwhelm me, biting my lip and forcing myself to stop being such an idiot. It was, after all, my own fault that I was in such a mess – well, not really, but I couldn't blame anyone else for my unfortunate attraction to vampires.
God, maybe there was something wrong with me.
Everyone else's reaction was to run or shy away, but me? Ohhh no, not me. I just went around kissing them.
"Oh yeah. I forgot." I remembered to reply to her, after a slight delay – that, or something changing in my voice, tipped her off because she pulled me to a halt, forcing me to face her and meet her worried gaze.
"Bella? Are you okay?"
"I'm fine."
"You don't… You don't sound fine."
"I'm just cold," I lied, hating seeing her look so sad, knowing that my own inability to control my voice and emotions was to blame. "Come on, let's go." I tugged on her reluctant arm and eventually she complied, leading the way by half a step once more.
"I'm sorry," she murmured, so low that I barely even heard her. I bit my lip, choosing to let her think that I hadn't heard. We walked in silence then, and I let my mind wander. I could do this. For this night, I could feel like a normal girl, going out on a date with the person that I wanted to be with more than anything else.
I could enjoy it, without my thoughts being overshadowed by this issue – why my stupid mind had chosen today to focus on it, I didn't know. Well, I suppose I did – because I hadn't even really had time to truly consider what I relationship with Alice would involve.
But tonight, I could do this.
I squeezed Alice's arm softly, and she glanced up towards me, eyes still dark with concern. I managed a smile, and she pulled me to a stop, ducking under a nearby tree and leaning up to kiss me.
"I'm sorry for being so stupid," I muttered against her lips, and she shook her head.
"You weren't being stupid. I just wish you'd tell me what's wrong."
"Nothing's wrong." She shot me a look that screamed 'I don't believe you', so I made a face and back-tracked. "Okay, how about tonight, nothing's wrong? I just want to be with you tonight. That's all."
"M'kay," she said eventually, after eyeing me for a few seconds. She leaned up to peck my lips once more before taking my hand, twining our fingers together and leading me off once more. "Then let's go!"
Ten minutes later we stumbled into one of the nicest restaurants I'd ever been inside. The walls were mirrors, the place packed with people, all in various degrees of evening-wear. Even the waiters were dressed elegantly.
"You have a reservation?" The woman standing at the desk near the door called, eying the two of us critically.
"Yes, we do – it's under Brandon."
"Alice?" She nodded, and the woman turned and shouted something Italian to one of the passing waiters. He came over and they had a hushed conversation before he came over to us.
"I can take your coats, if you'd like?" He asked, a faint accent to his voice. I shook my head, as did Alice, and he motioned with one arm towards the intricate spiral staircase to our left. "If you'll follow me."
I shot Alice a look, but she just smiled and pressed forward after the waiter, leaving me with no other choice than to trail in their wake. The staircase let out into a beautiful rooftop garden, a glass canopy overhead protecting against rain.
There were only a handful of tables set out, no more than four or five, but only one was covered with a tablecloth – the one right at the centre. A fire blazed a few feet away, casting warmth across the balcony.
The waiter placed two menus on the table and gestured us over, helping first me into my seat and then Alice, before taking our drinks order and walking away.
"How did you manage this?" I asked, voice hushed with awe. It was cold, but the crackling flames from the fire chased it away, and I slid out of my coat, smirking at the way Alice's gaze went first to my chest, and then to my legs around the side of the table.
"When you have money, there's nothing you can't do," she said, leaning her elbow on the table and her head on the palm of her hand, eyes intense as she looked at me across the table.
"I feel bad though, you've spent so much - "
"Hey, you're not to worry about that, okay? Let me take care of you. I have a lot of money, saved up from years of investments – this is nothing. Alright?" I agreed reluctantly, realised when the waiter came back with our drinks that I hadn't actually even opened the menu yet. He disappeared again, and I opened it curiously, wondering what food somewhere like this did – and for how much.
"Thirty pounds for a salad?" I said in disbelief, glancing up to see Alice watching me, mouth quirked up into a smile. "How can a salad cost so much?"
"I told you not to worry about money."
"I'm not! I'm just wondering what self-respecting person would pay so much for a lettuce leaf." She laughed, and I glanced back across at her, wondering how I could have ever become so fortunate to have someone like her sat opposite me.
"What are you thinking about?"
"You," I replied, and she opened her mouth to say something, probably to ask more, but I was spared being questioned by the return of the waiter.
"What can I get for you ladies?"
"I'll have the ravioli, please," I said, closing the menu and handing it to him. He glanced at Alice expectantly but she shook her head and said something in Italian, to which he nodded, replied and then turned.
"Since when can you speak Italian?"
"It's not like I haven't had the chance it learn other languages, Bella. I've certainly had the time. I speak Greek, Latin, French and Spanish as well. I tried Chinese but the symbols got too much for me."
"Wow."
"It's not that impressive," she shrugged, and I was amazed at how she could be so nonchalant about being multi-lingual – I'd certainly never been any good at anything but English.
"Yes, it is." I took a sip from the glass of red wine I'd ordered, eying her over the rim of the glass.
"What?"
"Nothing. What did you say to that guy, anyway?"
"That I had bad allergies, and couldn't eat many foods."
"That's an understatement," I murmured, smiling. Our chat turned idle then, to basic details of what we'd been up to since we'd last seen each other – which we'd never really gotten into before. Four years was a lot of ground to cover, and the time passed quickly.
Alice spoke while I ate, and I listened with interest to the things she'd been up to – her designing hadn't just been an elaborate ruse to meet me again, she actually was pretty big in the fashion world.
"I can't get too well-known though, obviously. I've been mainly focusing on UK fashion, keeping it small, so that word doesn't get out too much. In other countries I've got designs out under different names – I've submitted them to people."
"For no profit?"
"I'm not in for the money – it's not like I need it. Besides, I do it because I enjoy it. I get a rush seeing a model wearing my clothes in a fashion shoot or show." Her eyes lit up, sparkling with passion for her work, and I couldn't help but find it adorable. It was clear how much she loved it with the reverence that laced her words, the expression on her face.
I loved what I did, but I knew that when I spoke about it, it was with nowhere near the high regard that Alice showed with every word.
"I'm sorry," she said after I'd finished eating, her face apologetic, "I know you hate fashion. I've probably been boring you."
"Not at all – I might not like fashion, but hearing you talk about your life is perfectly fine with me." I glanced up, seeing that the light rain had stopped, and stood, going to the edge of the balcony and leaning against the railing.
The city spread out before me, as far as I could see. Lights twinkled everywhere, beautiful points of light, illuminating the world. I could see the Thames, the buildings on its banks reflected in the black, churning water.
Farther afield I could see the more famous landmarks – Big Ben, Westminster Abbey, the Houses of Parliament and the London Eye, they too glittering with light, despite the late hour.
This was why I loved this city – it was beautiful even in the dead of night. It was alive, regardless of the hour.
And it was home.
"It's pretty, isn't it?" Alice murmured from my side. I hadn't heard her get up, but that was hardly surprising. She could move soundlessly when she wanted to, after all. I turned slightly to get her profile along with the cityscape, wishing I had a camera to immortalise this moment. Her perfection and the city's, side by side.
"It's perfect," I replied, admiring the way the way she was framed by the lights strung up along the balcony, illuminating her face in a soft, gentle glow. Her eyes, focused on the distance, glittered, swimming with hidden emotions. "What are you thinking about?"
"Nothing specifically," but her voice was quiet, making me wonder if there was something she was keeping from me - then again, if that bothered me, then I was a hypocrite. "The Voltui will be here soon," she murmured after a few minutes of silence. "Next week. Five days."
"Should I be worried?" Standing there, on that rooftop, feeling like the world was spread out before me, it felt like nothing in the world could touch me. The fact that my life might be in danger was a world away from how I felt right now – I guess that just went to show how quickly things could change. One minute, life was perfect, and the next – the next could be your last.
"No."
"Can you see the future that clearly?" I was teasing, of course – I knew how subjective her visions could be.
"No, but…"
"But what?"
"I'm not going to let anything happen to you, and that's a promise." Her voice was low, fierce, and when I looked to my side she was a mere few centimetres away, so close I could feel her breath on my face. "I can't let anything happen to you."
Her face turned anguished, and I could think of nothing to reassure her with – I knew she wouldn't appreciate the lie of saying everything would be okay, because there was a possibility that it wouldn't be. After all, a horde of angry vampires were going to come knocking down my door, and that wasn't exactly risk-free.
Strangely, the thought didn't bother me. Maybe it was because the threat had been hanging over me for so long that I was used to it; or maybe five days just didn't seem all that close – especially right here, in this moment.
I didn't have to think of a response though because she kissed me then, leaning up and winding her hands around my neck, pulling herself closer to me, pressing her body tightly against my own, pushing me back into the railings.
The kiss was hard, passionate, setting my heart racing and my skin aflame with heat – I was breathless when she pulled back, cheeks flushed, trying to catch my breath. The waiter reappeared, took my plate away and left behind the bill, face neutral when he glanced towards us – I waited until he'd gone before I tried to speak.
"What was that for?"
"I don't want to lose you," she murmured, not looking at me again. I bit my lip, wondering if this was solely to do with the Volturi, or whether she had any idea of the thoughts that had plagued me all day. I knew I unlikely to find out unless I asked (and even then, it was doubtful), so I remained silent.
I watched the people walking below, little more than shadows on the pavement, wondering what it would be like to be down there, wandering idly, without a care in the world. I sighed and shivered as an unexpectedly cold gust of wind blasted across the balcony, my hair flying in my face.
"We should get you back." Alice finally turned and brushed a gentle kiss against my lips. "Because phase two of my plan doesn't involve us staying out here all night," she breathed the words against my lips, and I shivered again – only this time it wasn't because of the cold.
She paid the bill and then we were off back to my apartment, walking much more quickly than we had been on the way there, both anxious to be alone.
As soon as we were inside the door, I was on her, slamming her back against the wood, hands already tugging at her shirt impatiently – not that she was complaining. Her lips devoured mine hungrily, hands running hungrily along my body before settling for my hips, pulling me ever closer.
We stumbled our way to my bedroom without incident, still kissing, hands still fumbling, and I was pushed back onto the bed, a triumphant Alice breaking our kiss to straddle my hips, looking down at me with hungry eyes.
"You're sure about this?" Her voice was husky, and she managed to make every word drip with desire.
"I'm sure," I replied, voice catching when she ran one hand from my knee to my hip, sliding under the skirt of my dress. She raked her nails along the stockings underneath and my eyes fluttered closed at the contact, a soft sigh leaving my lips. "I trust you."
"I'm glad." My hands found her hips, tugging at the material of the red, skin-tight dress she wore – I leaned up and peeled it over her head, trying not to ogle the perfection that lay underneath.
She was gorgeous, in every aspect – her pale skin was flawless, the dark blue underwear she was wearing contrasting starkly. I'd never in my life found someone as sexy as I found her in that moment (and to be fair, I'd had my fair share of women in bed).
I shifted so that her legs were wrapped around my waist, and we were both sitting up – I kissed her softly, our tongues moving together in a well-practiced dance, as she bunched my dress around me hips and lifted it over my head in one smooth motion.
I ran one hand through her hair as she joined our lips once more, fingers tightening as she dug her nails into the skin of my back, pushing us closer together so that there was no space between us. She felt glorious against me, only separated by the (very thin), barrier of our underwear. The chill of her skin was fought off by the heat coursing through my body – as well as the fact that I'd cranked the heating up to maximum before I'd gone out.
I wanted to be fully prepared for the nights' activities, after all.
We stayed tangled up for a while, kissing languidly, getting used to the feel of each other before I got flipped onto my back again, eager hands running down my sides, cupping my breasts and tugging at my nipples gently, cold touch making my hips buck into hers, my fingers tightening in her hair.
Her lips ran along my neck, trailing lower, and she flicked the (front) clasp of my bra open with an impatient flick of her fingers, tracing her tongue around one nipple with her very capable fingers played with the other.
"God, you are far too good at this," I managed to pant out between moans, and I felt her smirk against my skin. Her hands trailed to my hips, tracing tantalising patterns as she went, trailing dangerously close to the one place I wanted her to be.
She lifted her head to kiss me again, her thigh falling between my legs as I shifted, bearing her weight down on my centre. I groaned, and she pushed into me, the cold on hot sensation making it a thousand times better.
She pulled away to let me breathe, leaning her weight on one arm and looking down at me, hair framing her face, eyes dark and wild – hungry, but with desire. It'd never crossed my mind before how much self-control she truly had – with Edward, he'd barely even been able to kiss me without losing it. Maybe he just hadn't had enough to restraint to trust that he wouldn't hurt me.
But she did.
"I love you," she murmured, so quietly that I barely even heard her, but my eyes snapped up to meet hers when the words registered, eyes widening. I knew she felt that way about me , of course I knew, but she'd never said the words out loud before.
Explicitly.
To me. Whilst looking at me with those damn eyes, clearly waiting for a response.
"I… I…" But I couldn't do it. I was falling for her, that I knew, but I still hadn't decided that the hell I was going to do. I couldn't be expected to make a decision regarding the rest of my life in a single day, could I?
And it was be unfair to say anything to her when I was so unsure, unfair to give her an 'I love you too' when I wasn't sure I meant it – or, if I did, to snatch that away if I decided that this relationship wasn't the best thing, long-term.
So I hesitated, and I saw her face fall. Saw her eyes switch to wary, guarded. And I definitely noticed when she pulled back, kneeling on the bed and looking at me with a hurt look on her face.
"Bella?"
"I… I want to mean it. When I say it, I want to mean it. Otherwise, it makes it meaningless." I reached for her arm as she started to move away from me, getting slowly to her feet, eyes never leaving my face. "Alice, please - "
"You don't love me?" She asked, voice carefully controlled – calm, flat, and empty. "You don't know if you will ever love me?"
"I… It's not that simple!"
"It is, actually. You either want to be with me, or you don't. There's no in-between. Don't feel like you have to be with me out of obligation – I'll be out of your hair in a few days, then your decision should be relatively easy."
She didn't give me a chance to retaliate – she'd already seized her dress and stalked from the room, so quick she was a blur. I caught my bedroom door before it banged shut – but there was no sign of her in the room beyond.
She was gone.
A/N:
Reviews are lovely. Even if they're telling me how mean I am, like I imagine they could be. ;)
Also sorry if there are any continuity errors. I wish I had the time to check between every update that all the details fit with the other chapters, but I don't. And I have too much of a short-term memory to remember all the details that previously happened!