"Kids, we're here!" Stan parked the car, got out, and opened the door for the twins. They both tumbled out. Mabel wiped the dust off of her sweater and beamed at Stan.
"I can't believe we're in Mount Rushmore!" Mabel exclaimed. She jumped up and down in excitement.
Dipper put Volume 3 in his vest. "Why are we here?"
"I thought selling some novelties and befuddlements here would make me a lot of money. And it will!"
"Actually, I think you might have some competition." Dipper stated. He pointed at a large RV that was surrounded by tens of adoring fans.
Stan's eyes narrowed. "Gideon..."
"Don't worry, Grunkle Stan, I'm sure you can handle him!" Mabel cheered.
Stan smiled with determination. "He's not gonna defeat me today!" He pushed the twins towards the woods. "Why don't you two, uh, make play in those woods."
"Okay!" Mabel sprinted into the forest, following a dusty, worn out trail. Dipper studied the forest for a moment.
"Uh, Grunkle Stan, are you sure its safe in there?"
"Ooooooohhhh," Stan said mockingly. "Watch out for Bigfoot and carnivourous jackalopes in there!" When Dipper didn't laugh, Stan slapped him on the back. "C'mon, kid, just go join your sister." Dipper nodded, and ran after her.
Dipper nearly covered his ears as Mabel's nonstop talking entered the 12th minute. "I'll name my baby Carlos! Or maybe Edward. Or Brock! So once I get out of the hospital, I'll take Carlos/Edward/Brock back to my sparkling enchanted tree house where me and my vampire husband-not boyfriend-will be waiting. A bunch of sparkling unicorns will fly around the house, creating a never ending DOUBLE RAINBOW! And then...what's that?"
Mabel ran over to something very interesting. "Mabel, that's a rope," Dipper said.
"I know, but it's so-" The rope suddenly rose up and tightened. The twins slammed into a tree, and the rope tightened so hard Dipper couldn't break free.
"Ahh, Mabel and Dipper, how unexpected. And by expected, I mean completely EXPECTED!" Jeff walked in front of them, leading a large group of gnomes. He smirked. "I saw that in a TV show."
Stan stuck a large wad of cash in his pocket as Gideon sauntered over. "Oi, it's you!" Stan said angrily.
"Look, Stan, I don't like you either. So let's make this quick." He smirked. "Get off my land."
This took Stan by suprise. "What?"
"Did I stutter?"
"No." Gideon paused and stared in confusion. "What?" Stan asked. "You asked me a question, so I responded."
Gideon facepalmed. "Listen, Stan," he said as yawned casually. "I have a permit to set up my Tent of Telepathy here, so please kindly step aside.
Stan glared. "Make me, punk!"
Dipper rolled his eyes. "Jeff, don't you I'm going to just going to escape, beat up the other gnomes, and kick you in the face?"
Jeff cracked his knuckles. "Not this time! So, come on Mabel, let's get married."
Mabel sighed. "Jeff, I don't like you. So I'm not going anywhere!"
"Ok, so maybe marrying us might cause you a little trauma. But, look on the bright side," Jeff explained. "You get to lose your virginity!"
If there any action music, or any type music, was playing, it would have stopped. Mabel and Jeff stared at each other awkwardly for a few moments. Mabel then broke the silence. "What."
Jeff hesitated. "I-Isn't that what all 7th grade girls want?" When Mabel shook her head, he turned to face another gnome. "Schmebulok, where did you get that information?"
"Uh, Facebook!" Jeff started to bonk Schmebulok on the head.
In between punches, he said, "I-told-you-the-internet-LIES!"
Schembulok shook nervously. "But Carson told me to look there!"
Carson glared at Schembulok. "No I didn't!" The gnomes split into opposing groups and started arguing with each other. While they were distracted, Dipper (surprisingly) ripped the ropes apart. He fell to the ground and pulled Mabel free. They turned and fled.
"GUYS, GUYS! THEY'RE GETTING AWAY!" Jeff yelled. The gnomes chased after them, but their little legs weren't fast enough. Soon, the twins were out of their sight. Jeff breathed in deeply, then yelled, "Gnomes of the forest, ASSEMBLE!" A thousand gnomes appeared and started linking arms.
"Dipper, they're gonna form that monster thingy again," Mabel cautiously told her twin. They then heard giant footsteps from behind them, and they quickened their pace.
"Mabel, follow me!" Dipper yelled. They sprinted toward the Mount Rushmore heads. "Mabel, go find a hatch or door of some kind on Roosevelt, and I'll go on Lincoln." Mabel nodded and they split up.
"Guys, we're going after Mabel," Jeff commanded. The gnome monster turned and ran after Mabel, who had reached the top of the head. She spotted a handle and pulled on it. It opened up and Mabel climbed down a ladder, closing the hatch above just as the gnomes reached it. She sat down on a lone chair and looked around the control.
Their were several blinkling lights, buttons, levers, and other gizmos. Above her a red light blinked and a sign next to it said "READY?" Mabel looked at a keyboard and found a button that said "Yes". She pushed down on it, and the machine roared to life. More lights turned on, several needles inside guages spun, and Mabel felt the floor lurch as the robot came out of the mountain.
"This is just like Power Rangers!" Mabel squealed.
A low voice came out of a speaker. "Prancer 1-1, you are not authorized for motion. Please stop or we will send in every SWAT team, NAVY SEALs, and actually seals we can find to smoke you out."
"You sound like a buttface," Mabel told the voice. It didn't respond.
Another voice came over the radio, this one familiar. "Mabel, can you hear me?" Dipper asked.
"Roger roger," Mabel answered Dipper with. She pulled down a lever, and the robot spun around, causing the gnomes on its head to fall off. Mabel swore she heard one of them say "Schmebulok."
"Mabel the monster is right behind you!" Dipper yelled over the radio. Mabel spun some sort of wheel and its right arm spun backwards and punched all the gnomes in the right leg. "Hey, Dipper, ten bonus points for hitting Jeff!"
"I wonder if Grunkle Stan is seeing this?"
"Gideon, you tried to strangle me in a previous chapter. I am not moving!" Stan told the pint size boy. Gideon shook his head.
"TSK-TSK Mister Pines," Gideon told the miser. He pulled out a paper and held it boastfully in front of Stan's face. "See it? Here's my permit."
"I don't care, Flapjack," Stan retored. Gideon's face got red, and he tried to slap Stan.
"I DON'T SOUND LIKE FLAPJACK!" Gideon roared. Stan just laughed, and fell off his chair. He grabbed his sides.
"Haha, yes you do. You don't want me to get Mabel down here, do you? Cause she'll just kick your butt again!" Stan slapped his knee, but started coughing. "Hehe, that was worth it."
Gideon stomped his foot in rage. "Stanford, I will have my revenge one day. And when I do, you will all pay tribute to your overlord!" Gideon dusted off his cape and turned around, walking back to his RV.
"Ha, what a loser. I wonder where those kids are."
"I GOT HIM! FIFTY POINTS!" Mabel yelled. She punched Jeff in the face, sending him to the ground. Twenty gnomes around him joined together, but Dipper's Lincoln robot just smashed them.
"Hey, I thought it was ten points," Dipper complained as he slapped Carson. He then flicked the gnome, sending him flying into the forest.
"I changed my mind. Rocket!" Mabel hit a yellow button, launching a rocket at the gnomes. They ran back into the forest, away from the explosions. Only Jeff remained, glaring angrily at the twins.
"This isn't over, you hear me kids! I'll win this one-" The Lincoln robot kicked him, sending him flying into the woods. "I'll get you back!" he yelled as he sailed away.
"I think I won, I got 240 points," Dipper said into his radio.
"You were keeping track?" Mabel asked. "Who cares? We WON!" The twins manuvered their robot back into their resting place in the mountain. She opened up the hatch, then hugged Dipper, who was already out of his robot. "We did good, broseph."
The long day finally ended. The twins and Stan walked back to Stan's car, with Dipper carrying a sign, Mabel held some unsold items, and Stan hugging a fistful of cash.
"So, Stan, how was your day?" Mabel asked. Stan chuckled.
"Well I made fun of Gideon. What more could a guy ask for?" He laughed uncontrollably, nearly dropping the money.
"Me and Dipper fought off a bunch of gnomes using presidential faced robots!" Mabel said excitedly. Before Dipper could say anything, she added, "And I got more points than him."
"Oh, you kids and you're imaginations!" Stan rubbed Mabel's head with his free head.
Above them, 3 F-15s flew toward Mount Rushmore. Simultaneously, the pilots flicked open a glass cover that protected a red button, wiped sweat off their forehead, and pressed down on the button. 12 rockets flew toward the mountain, destroying the robots. "Big Red, this is Rudolf. We have destroyed Frosty, repeat Frosty is destroyed."
"Very good, Rudolf. Return and have some cookies and milk!" The jolly man known as Big Red replied. The jets returned back to their base.
Despite the explosion behind them, the twins and their Grunkle didn't stop. They didn't turn around.
Because cool guys don't look at explosions.
A/N: Wow, this story was the longest one so far. So enjoy! If you want, you can leave suggestions for future chapters in the reviews or you can PM me. If I like it, I'll right a story based on it.