I don't know how long I stood in the doorway, staring into the empty room, before I broke down. I just snapped, the realisation of what had happened crashing into me like a tonne of bricks. I slid to the floor, tears blurring my eyesight, and cried until I couldn't breathe, sobs escaping as little more than ragged gasps.

I was still curled up, trying to get myself under control, when my phone chimed with a text – my bag had been dropped to the floor, forgotten about, when Alice and I had cleared the door – and I scrambled over to it, still in my underwear, praying that it was Alice.

It wasn't.

It was Nikki, asking if I was free tomorrow to meet up – she wanted to tell me about the 'awesome' date she'd had, and figure out when Alice and I were free to meet her. Tears started to fall again, my eyes stinging, so I did the only thing I felt like I could do without breaking down even more – I called my best friend.

"Hey, Bella, what's up?"

"I… I… Can you come over here? Please?" I hated to upset her when she sounded so happy, but I wasn't going to fare well on my own, not tonight. Plus, I was in work tomorrow – I needed someone to calm me down before I had to show my face there.

"What's wrong? Bella?" Panic crept into her voice, and I felt awful for making her worry, but I could barely even manage to string a sentence together, let alone explain.

"Just… Please come over." She didn't say anything else, just hung up. Ten minutes later Nikki flung the door of my apartment over, worried eyes immediately going to me, taking in the scene. She was on the floor in-front of me quick as a flash, kneeling and wiping the tears away from my face with the sleeve of her jumper.

"Bella, what happened?" Her voice was soft, gentle, and I leaned forward, resting my head on her shoulder. She hugged me, rubbing my back gently – I'd never lost it like this in front of her before. She probably didn't know what the fuck to do, but bless her for trying. "Come on, let's get you into bed," she murmured, managing to pull me to my feet.

I walked numbly to my bedroom, and she wrapped me gently in an over-sized t-shirt, muttering to herself about the temperature in my apartment and disappeared briefly (presumably to turn it back down).

I curled on my side in my bed while she was gone, and I felt it dip with the weight of another body soon after – turning, I saw that she'd gotten changed into shorts and a t-shirt like me, and was sliding into the covers beside me.

"What are you doing?" I managed to ask, my voice cracking slightly. There was a glass of water on my bedside table – I didn't remember putting it there, or seeing her put it there, but she must have done. I took a sip, wincing at how raw my throat felt – just from crying.

"You didn't think I was just going to leave you alone in this state, did you? You know me better than that."

We fell into comfortable silence then, and Nikki got up to turn the light off when she figured that I was all cried out. I felt her slip back into the bed beside me, warmth at my side where Alice had been cold.

"I'm sorry," I murmured into the darkness, feeling safer now that I knew she couldn't see me. My voice held steady this time, thankfully. "I probably ruined your evening."

"You did no such thing. She wasn't staying over. And even if she was – I'm here for you whenever you need me, Bella. No matter what time, if you need me you call me." I wondered what I'd done to deserve a friend like her, but I was definitely glad that I had. "Are you going to tell me what happened?"

"We had a fight," I muttered, more into my pillow than to her.

"Yeah, no shit. About what?"

"She told me she loved me. I told her I wasn't ready."

"And she got pissed?"

"Pretty much. There's more to it than that, though," I sighed, wishing I could lay all my problems out on the table and let her work through them with me – but that wasn't possible, and it was something that I was going to have to work through myself.

"Are you actually not ready, or did you just say that?" I didn't answer, but she wasn't letting up easily. "Do you love her? Because you shouldn't throw away something just because you're scared. I know I don't know the whole story, because I can tell you're keeping things from me – but that's cool. You must have your reasons, and I respect that. I know you'd tell me if you could.

"But I think that if you have something with someone, if they love you and you love them – and I think you do love her Bella, I think you're just scared to admit that to yourself – then I think it's stupid to throw that away.

"Issues can be worked out. They can, if you love them enough to stay. And you may not officially be together, but you've known her for a while – it's not like you've just met. You know her, and she knows you. So whatever's standing in your way, work it out. Because you don't throw away your chance at happiness over something stupid. You work at it."

"When did you get so wise?"

"I've always been wise; my wiseness has just been wasted on you because you're such a smartass yourself." She shifted in the bed, to get more comfortable, and I realised how much I'd missed our easy friendship when things had been a little-but-not-so-to-bad-as-to-mention-it awkward between us.

"Seriously though, Bells. Don't throw this away. You've changed in the last few weeks. You're… You're happier. You might not have seen it, but I have – I've never seen you go so seriously for a girl before. She's good for you. So don't fuck it up."

"Thanks for that," I said dryly, though feeling much better than I had before.

"You're welcome. Now get the fuck to sleep so that you're not a cranky bitch when you wake up early for work in the morning." I smiled, snuggling down into the covers, thinking over what she'd said – if nothing else, she'd at least improved my mood.

Next thing I was aware of was my blaring alarm, and Nikki shaking my arm, trying to get me to wake up. After much protest and grunts on my behalf, I was finally standing upright, glaring at my friend, who just tried to bite back a smile.

"You need to get ready."

"I need coffee."

"It's already on. I'm such a good friend – and what do you do for me in return? Nothing."

"I honour you with my presence. Now shoo while I go shower." I was fully awake by the time I walked back into my bedroom, one towel wrapped around my hair and the other around my body – a mug of coffee sat waiting for me, and I took a grateful gulp before throwing on underwear and starting to dry my hair.

Fifteen minutes later I was ready, strolling into the living room to see Nikki sprawled on my couch, watching the crappy early-morning television. I still felt awful about what had transpired last night, but I didn't feel anywhere near as bad as I had at the time. I leaned on the arm of the couch, sipping at the last of my coffee.

"Do you want me to walk with you to work?"

"No, it's alright. Are you not in today?"

"Yeah, but not until twelve. I'm on the closing shift today." We spoke for a little bit longer while I finished my drink, one eye always on the time. I left not long after, pulling on a coat and sliding my bag over my shoulder.

The air outside was cool, as per usual for early November, but thankfully it wasn't still raining. Last night had left puddles on every available surface, and I skirted them carefully along the way. The walk cleared my head, and I felt able to face the day by the time I jogged up the steps of the magazine's building.

I made it to my office without seeing anyone from my floor, and paused in the doorway, staring with dismay at the pile of papers that covered my desk. I'd been gone a week, and apparently now I was overloaded.

"Bella, you're back!" Alex's voice brought a smile to my face, and I turned just in time to be nearly bowled over by a hug, and laughed.

"Wow, maybe I should take a break more often. Did you miss me or something?"

"She missed having to do more work than she's used to," said Lisa, appearing over Alex's shoulder, smile on her face. "Welcome back. You can have your pick of those assignments – we couldn't decide which one would be best for this issue, so take your pick."

I sat in my desk chair and sighed, the pile seeming even bigger when I was sat in-front of it. Half were specifications for articles that needed approving for publication and then actually writing (because I'd been working her for so long I was trusted enough to shift through and find the decent ones, and pass them off to other people to write as well as do them myself), and others were ones that had been written that needed editing. I liked the variation with what I did – it meant I wasn't stuck doing the same thing all day every day.

I soon got back into the swing of being back, and blasted through the first few folders, adding them to piles according to what they needed doing. Lisa's knock on the door a few hours later was one of the few times I looked up, and I beckoned her inside.

"What's up?"

"I was just checking you're doing okay."

"Yeah, I'm fine." She looked like she had something else to say, and I waited for a few seconds. "Is there something else?"

"Well I…"

"Yes?"

"I was just wondering… That designer, seeing as you seemed to know her… I was just wondering if you knew why she left so abruptly."

"I… I don't know, I'm sorry." I didn't like having to lie to her, but I could say 'Oh, yeah, she just had to go and visit her vampire family in order to stop her psycho brother who also happens to be my ex from coming down here when I really didn't want him to'. She seemed to accept the answer though, and left soon after.

The rest of the day passed in a blur, and everyone was packing up to leave. I stayed behind for around an hour later to catch up on everything and get everything that I'd need to do tomorrow sorted out.

It was dark when I left at around half six, the sky an unforgiving and ominous grey, and I walked quickly home, afraid it was going to rain. I was about five minutes away when I thought I heard someone whisper my name, but I shook it off, thinking my mind was playing tricks on me.

But then they said it again, right behind me, and the touch of cold fingers to my wrist made me whirl around, freezing when I saw who stood behind me.

"What are doing?" I managed to say, backing away a few steps. There were people all around – not as many as I'd have liked, but enough so that I felt confident that if I screamed, someone would help me. Or so I hoped.

"I wanted to talk to you. I thought that would have been obvious." Edward Cullen released my arm and lent backwards onto the railing that stood behind him. His eyes were darker than I liked to see, but there was little menace in them – for now.

"About what?" I was tense, wondering what he could possibly want. I'd always known that there was the possibility of him turning up again, but I hadn't really expected it to be so… well, sudden. He was silent for a long time, his focused on mine, a slightly pained expression on his face.

"I'm sorry." The two words hung in the air between us, and I frowned, sure that I'd misheard.

"What?"

"I'm sorry."

"…What for?" I almost wanted to pinch myself; I was so sure that this must be a dream. There was no way that this could actually be happening, no way at all.

"For everything. For leaving you. For not looking back. For…" He trailed off, finally looking away me, turning his gaze into the distance, past me. I could almost swear there was a sheen to his eyes, as if he were crying – but then I blinked and the moment passed. "For getting in the way of you and Alice."

"I… why are you saying this?"

"Because I did love you, once. I think I still might do, but I know you and I aren't meant to be. I always knew, on some level, but… I was in love with you, and I was selfish, and I wanted you for myself. I never thought there was any conceivable way for you to be with her as you once were with me, but… I see I was wrong."

"I'm… sorry?" I had no idea how to deal with this situation – he made me uncomfortable at the best of times, and this was definitely not one of the best of times. I'd much prefer him to be yelling at me than talking about our past. Much prefer it.

"No, you shouldn't be sorry. It's my fault, all if it. I'm sorry for being selfish, and for trying to put myself before everything. I… want you to be happy with my sister, if you can. I fear I've destroyed her relationship with me too much, but perhaps someday she'll forgive me. I don't begrudge her you. You're meant for her, and you should be together."

He was looking at me expectantly, and I desperately tried to think of something, anything so say, but he had me stunned into silence. I'd never imagined him being able to step up, but I supposed that when you'd been alive for as long as he had, you weren't really going to get much more mature.

"Thank you, Edward," I managed eventually, words sticking in my throat. "I… I appreciate this. I really do."

"I'm also sorry that it took me so long to say," he said, slightly sheepish smile on his face. He ran a hand through his bronze hair nervously, eyes skittering from behind me and then to my face. "I'd, ah, better make a quick exit."

I glanced behind to notice a small somebody leaning against a lamppost not too far away, and I bit my lip at the sight of Alice – for what was I going to say to her? The thought of last night made my chest constrict, and a lump from in my throat. Everything came rushing back, and I fought the tears that threatened my eyes – I wasn't going to let Edward see me cry.

"Might be for the best. Thank you, again," I murmured, eyes flicking back to him briefly. He nodded, soft, sad smile on his face, and then turned and walked away, hands in his pockets. I watched him go for a few seconds, both preparing what I was going to say to Alice, and also still awed over the conversation that had just taken place, before I sighed and turned, walking towards my fate.

Alice's eyes were unreadable when I reached her, and she didn't say I word, just turned and fell into step beside me. The silence was unbearable, but I dared not break it, for fear of breaking down. I knew she was still pissed at me, could feel words unspoken in the air between us, but I kept quiet until we reached my building. I slipped inside the door and let her in, and did the same at my apartment.

She stalked inside, stopping only when she reached the window that dominated one wall, and looked outside. I took a deep breath, shut the door, and went and poured myself a glass of wine – something told me I was going to need it.

It was only when I'd sat down on the couch and had drank half the glass that I finally chanced a look at her. She stood facing me, arms crossed across her chest, looking especially scary in a black coat that reached her knees and was pulled tightly across her body.

Well, I say scary, but that was mostly the guarded expression on her face – mostly she just looked hot.

"Are you just going to stare at me all night, or…?" A flicker of anger flashed through her eyes, and I was glad to get at least some response from her. Then it was just back to glaring – and that just made me angry. "Look, I'm sorry, okay. But you don't get to yell at me just because I'm not ready to commit to you yet.

"I've known I have feelings for you for what, two, two and half weeks? You don't get to berate me for that. You have no right to do that. I thought you were gone, all of you, for good, and then you come waltzing back in here and tell me you've been in love with me since the moment you first saw me.

"So you don't get to be pissed at me just because I didn't say 'I love you', back. You don't get to do that. And you don't get to make me feel like crap for being honest. Would it have been better if I lied? Would you have liked that better?"

My fingers tightened on the wine glass in my hand, jaw clenching in anger, and it was only that I realised how much holding on to all of this had gotten to me. I guess it really was bad to bottle things up.

"No, I wouldn't have liked that better." Her voice was cold, and the chill carried itself into my heart, settling like a stone in my chest. She wasn't looking at me anymore, she'd turned and was looking out into the dark streets below, but I could see her reflection in the glass, and the pained look in her eyes.

"Then why did you leave? You didn't even give me a chance to explain." Some of my fury left me when I saw her eyes, but I was still riled up – I wasn't letting this go until we'd talked it out properly. Whether that took minutes or hours, it didn't matter. I didn't want to feel the way I had done last night ever again, and I was fairly sure that Alice would feel the same.

"I was angry, Bella. I left because I was so, so angry, and I didn't want you to see that. I know it's not your fault, that you can't force how you feel about me, but... You have to understand where I'm coming from."

"I know where you're coming from, I said that before. But just because you've loved me for so long doesn't mean that you can be angry with me because I don't feel the same!"

"Bella," she said, frustration lacing her voice as she finally turned around to face me. "Can't you see why I was so angry? You know how long I've felt that way for you; I didn't try to hide that. But if there was a possibility that you might to be with me after it all, after the Volturi danger's been averted, then why would you get so involved with me?" Her voice cracked, raw emotion in her voice, and I looked away, unable to stand the look in her eyes for any longer.

"I…" I trailed off, not knowing what to say. Much to my chagrin, she had a point; it just wasn't one I'd really considered. It was selfish of me, I realised, but at the same time, I wasn't solely at fault. "Why did you go along with it? I don't believe for a second that you didn't know there was the possibility that I didn't know what the fuck I wanted."

"You say that I have a choice," she said, bitter laugh on her lips. "Like I could ever resist you. I love you, you idiot – there's nothing I can deny you. I've wanted you for over four years, as if I was going to turn you away when you kissed me. You're my one and only weakness, Bella."

"I'm sorry," I murmured, unable to stand the look in her eyes, or the way her voice cracked. My anger had dissipated as fast as it had come, but I didn't move closer to her like I wanted to. "I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you."

"I know you didn't, Bella, I know. But you did. And that's why I left – I needed you to understand that. So you don't get to be mad at me for leaving. I needed some space."

"I think I did, too." I looked away, letting the silence fall between us, before I looked up again. "Do you understand me though, Alice? Do you understand why I can't say it yet?"

"Because you won't be with me unless I turn you. And you haven't decided with your life is worth giving up for love." I raised my eyes to hers, trying to fight back the tears that threatened at her tone of voice. I knew this conversation was going to be hard (maybe that was why I'd put it off for so long), but that didn't make it any easier.

"I'm sorry," was all I could manage, and a single tear escape from one eye – I wiped it away hastily, but not before she saw.

"You shouldn't be sorry. It's a big decision to make."

"I meant I was sorry for you hurting you."

"You already apologised for that. Or did you mean because you thought that I didn't know what you were struggling with? I'm physic, Bella. You should know that there's little you can hide from me."

"Did you know what Edward was going to do?" I felt that a change in subject was necessary, giving the circumstances, and she didn't deny me. Maybe she needed to collect her thoughts as much as I did mine.

"Not until this morning. I knew he never left with the others, but I never suspected he would. I knew he wasn't finished. What changed his mind, I don't know, but… Who can say why people do what they do?"

Silence reigned again and I downed the last of my until-then forgotten about wine. I stood to go and get another glass when there was a knock on the door. I frowned until I heard a key turning in the lock, and wondered whether I should stop Nikki from coming in or not. I decided against it though, and she poked her head inside the door a second later, eyes widening when she saw Alice.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I just thought I'd come see if you were okay seeing as you weren't answering my calls… But now I see why. No worries, I'll come back later." She started to pull away and leave, but Alice's voice cut through the air, clear and cold once more.

"No, you don't need to go. I do, though." She turned back to face me, resignation on her face. "You have a decision to make – I wouldn't want to get in the way of that. I'll be back tomorrow, around the same time…" She trailed off, walking over to me and leaning close, speaking quietly so that Nikki wouldn't overhear. "Whatever you choose, I'll accept it. Don't consider me in this choice – I don't want you to resent me for it later on. I've already told you, I can deny you nothing. But we do only have four days before the Volturi are upon us, you mustn't forget that."

She left then, slipping past Nikki and out of the door, shutting it with a definitive click behind her. I sighed, glanced at the empty glass and filled it to the brim once more. Nikki stayed by the door, watching me for a few seconds, before she broke the silence.

"Sooo… I'm guessing that went well?"