You heard a beeping over and over. It dragged you out of your sleep as if it was pulling you into consciousness. You didn't recall your alarm sounding like this but it was annoying enough to wake you up. When you opened your eyes the light was so bright you thought it would blind you so shut them close again. You tried to cover your eyes with your hand and open them slowly - except when you moved your hand towards your face you touched a tube coming out of your mouth and you realized it was a tube going down your throat. You started to panic and felt the tube was choking you. The beeping you were hearing before suddenly got a lot faster. Your eyes shot open despite the brightness and you looked around - You didn't recognize your room or Zen's room. Then you remembered Saeran had drugged you and taken you from the restaurant you had been having dinner at with the rest of the RFA. You tried to sit up but the position made the tube on your throat hurt more. When you looked around, you noticed you were in a hospital bed. You looked to your right and saw a familiar face sleeping on the chair next to you.
Mom? you recognized her immediately. You banged your hand against the railing on the side of the bed and her head shot up.
"MC" she said, shocked, yet relieved. You pointed at the tube in your mouth, feeling more and more freaked out by the second but at least knowing you were in a hospital made you feel safer. Your mom stood up quickly and called for a nurse, saying you were awake. About 20 seconds later there was an array of nurses taking the tube out of your throat so you could breathe on your own. There was also a tube in your nose you had ignored until they removed it as well - it was painfully uncomfortable to remove and you wished you never had to go through that again.
Once the nurses made enough room and the tubes where out of you, your mother ran to your arms and gave you a hug. Her voice was cracking, she had been crying. "I thought you'd never wake up honey, I was so scared I'd lost you"
"I'm sorry mom. I'm sorry" you said "how… what… what happened?"
"You've been asleep for almost 3 days baby" she said, pulling away from you and putting her hands on your face. "One of your coworkers worried when you didn't show up for work and you weren't picking up your phone. She sent paramedics to your house and they couldn't wake you so they brought you here and they called me"
"Oh…" you said, looking down. You had been so enamoured during your time with Zen you didn't really think through the possible consequences of your body in your own dimension. You looked at your hand and your ring was gone. What was very noticeable was the IV line on your hand.
"They were saying you overdosed on benadryl" she said, grabbing your hand. "Is there something going on honey? Is this true? Why didn't you come to me if you were having problems? I love you honey, I love you" your mother kept repeating over and over until her tears overtook her ability to say anything coherent and she just held you in her arms again.
"No, mom, no, I didn't. I didn't try to… I didn't overdose, I swear" you tried to explain but she wasn't listening. The doctors must have told her this over and over. "I'm sorry I put you through this mom, I'm sorry" you said.
"Please don't ever do this again, you can't leave me" she repeated between tears. Seeing her like that broke your heart and you felt so guilty for not thinking this might happen you began to cry with her as you apologized over and over. How to explain what was really going on? Seeing your mother like this was like a bucket of ice water had landed right onto you and given you a rude awakening. A few seconds later, a doctor walked into the room.
"Miss… MC" he said, looking at a computer on wheels he had rolled into the room. "I'm glad to see you awake. We were worried you might not come back to us" he said, coming over to the side of the bed. "Do you mind if I do a quick examination?"
"Uhm, go… go ahead" you said, in between sobs. Your mother finally let go of you and sat back on the chair. The doctor listened to your lungs and your heart. He also listened to your stomach, looked at your eyes and had you follow several commands which he explained were to check for any neurological deficits - touching your nose with the tip of your finger and touching your thumb with the rest of your fingers in an alternating pattern. He ran a little pointy cartwheel through your legs and when he did this you noticed a catheter on the side of the bed. You groaned at the idea and asked him to take it out. He said the nurse would come do that in a few minutes.
"Well, you look like you're back to normal. Now, let me ask you some questions. What day is it?"
"Uh…" you said, looking at your mom with the side of your eyes. "She said I'd been asleep for almost 3 days so I'm guessing… tuesday?"
"It is tuesday" he said, typing on the computer. "Did you take any drugs that may have caused you to sleep for this long?"
"I… I took some benadryl before I went to bed but that was only two"
"Only two benadryl?" he repeated, questioning you.
"Yes"
"Alright" he said. "Do you recall being bitten by any animals recently?"
"No"
"Anyone that might have drugged you or poisoned you?"
"Uh… No…" not in this dimension, at least.
"Okay. Well. Assuming you're not lying about any of your answers…" the doctor began "You either were drugged and you don't know it, you tried to commit suicide and you don't want to admit it, or… " he paused before continuing "according to the history we have on you and what your mother shared with us, it could be new onset schizophrenia with severe catatonia." he said. "However, I am an internist and not a psychiatric doctor. Two of these likely diagnosis need to be tested and diagnosed by a psychiatrist. I recommend a 72 hour psychiatric hold which is standard procedure for patients with suicidal ideation or unmanaged psychiatric disorders. That is assuming you remain conscious."
"A psychiatric hold?" your mother asked.
"It means she'll stay in the hospital until she's evaluated and discharged by the psychiatrist on staff. He may recommend further testing which can be done outpatient if possible to not incur in further costs for you if she is healthy enough to leave. Let me have you stand up and walk around the room." he said, lowering the bar on the side of the bed. You rolled to the side and stood up. You were stiff and sore but felt much better than the other times you had traveled to the other dimension - likely because the IV's you had in you kept you hydrated and they probably moved you around so you wouldn't get bed sores. "Alright, she seems physically fit. The majority of your tests were normal except for your HCG levels. Have you had HCG injections before?"
"HCG?"
"That's the pregnancy hormone. Your levels are high but you're not pregnant. HCG injections can make your level appear high-"
"What?" you interrupted him. You weren't pregnant?
"HCG injections are common for weight loss"
"No…" you said, holding onto the IV line tube, You weren't sure you were denying his question about the injections or… "Mom, can you… can you go get me some juice, please?"
"Of course honey" your mom said, grabbing her purse from the chair. You were surprised that had worked so well, you expected her to want to stay to listen to what the doctor had to say but you realized perhaps she needed a minute to compose herself too and had been waiting for an out. As soon as she stepped out of the room, the doctor turned back to you.
"Is there something you wanted to tell me not in front of your mother?"
"I'm not pregnant?" you asked
"No. And it doesn't look like you were. At first we thought you might be and it wouldn't be a totally uncommon reason for a young unmarried girl like you to attempt suicide from thinking they're pregnant or attempt an abortion at home. Is that what you did? Did you take something to try to induce an abortion?"
"No! No, no." you said. "I just… I had gone to my OBGYN and the test results were… inconclusive. I was supposed to return. There was nothing on the ultrasound they did."
"Were you trying to get pregnant?"
"No, no, I don't… I don't even have a boyfriend" you said, feeling a pang in your chest when you said that. Zen.
"Alright. Well, it is odd that you have that high HCG level but we did an MRI scan and there's nothing there. You're definitely not pregnant and based on your levels we should have seen something if you were. There isn't even a yolk sac or any remnants that would indicate an early miscarriage. I hate to say it but if you are having new onset schizophrenia, it is not uncommon for it to present with a psychosomatic pregnancy or pseudocyesis. Again, these are things that you should see the psychiatrist for and they're not my field of expertise." You nodded, mostly because you didn't want the doctor to repeat himself but you were in shock listening to the things he was telling you. "Alright. Do you have any other questions for me?"
"When do I see the psychiatrist?" you asked, your voice barely a whisper now.
"He'll probably be around before the end of the day" the doctor said. "I'm going to keep you for observation and if you don't fall asleep where we can't wake you and you don't present with any new symptoms then we can discharge you to the psych floor to get clearance from them."
"Okay..." you said, feeling a burden on your shoulders. Had this all been a hallucination? Your mother wasn't back yet so you looked for your phone which you found on the chair your mother had been sitting by some of your other things. You skimmed through the missed calls and texts but ultimately you just opened the mystic messenger app. It didn't look like anything had changed in it. You could still open all the different routes and skip through conversations as you had before. It was nothing but a game. You put your phone down on the bed and looked at the floor. What is happening to me. Am I actually sick? Is this what schizophrenia feels like? I… I believe a video game character proposed to me? Zen… are you real at all?
You lied back on the bed despite feeling like you had been lying in it for too long. You pressed the nurse button and when someone came in you asked them to take the foley catheter out which they complied with. Your mother came in as soon as the nurse left with a sandwich and a bottled juice.
"You've had nothing but that liquid they put on the feeding tube up your nose" your mother said, bringing you the food. "I saw the doctor on my way back and he said it was okay to feed you if you were hungry but that it could make you nauseous since you haven't had solid food in a few days. Oh honey… did you try to… hurt yourself?"
"No mom… I really didn't" you say, taking the juice she gave you. Your throat burned when the juice went down it and your stomach felt like it would hurl at any second. You gave her back the juice and shook your head no at the sandwich. "I can't, not now" you said. "Maybe later".
A few hours passed and your mother recounted the amount of tests and various diagnosis they had given her while you were asleep. The doctors were impressed your blood work was clean from drugs and had tested major poisons but there were too many and you weren't running a fever. They had tested you for meningitis, rabies, and a variety of other viruses and cancers but you had been cleared from all of them. The only strange thing was that every few hours or so you seemed to tense up which was what had led them to believe you weren't actually asleep but in a state of catatonia. "They couldn't explain it otherwise." your mother said, eating the sandwich she had brought for you. A nurse kept coming every hour or so to check your vitals which were normal and you walked around a bit to stretch your legs. They still wouldn't take out your IV in case they had to give you medicine but other than that it just felt like they were keeping you locked in a hospital bed. You felt fine if not for the nausea and the burning throat which they told you it was because of the tube you had. Finally, about 8 hours later, the psychiatrist finally made an appearance. Coincidentally, your mother had gone to get some clothes and it was nearing night time. You told her to go home and get some rest. She had been sleeping in that chair for 2 days now and it didn't seem fair she had to stay another night.
"Miss… MC" the psychiatrist said, looking at the computer he had brought into the room with him. "Hello, I am Dr Yiao, the onstaff psychiatrist. I understand we are going to be moving you into the psych unit for clearance. It seems you had an episode of catatonic sleep for 3 days? That's impressive." he continue to read your chart without actually talking to you and you decided it would be best to just let him go through what was there and just answer his questions as best as possible. "Possible new onset schizophrenia with pseudocyesis"
"That's what the other doctor said" you said, holding your fingers with each one.
"Alright. Let me go over some questions with you and I want you to answer as honestly as you possibly can. Even if you don't think something might be relevant, you tell me anyways. Alright?"
"Alright…" you said, feeling a knot in your throat. If you tried telling him everything, he'd probably diagnose you with the problem right away.
"Any drugs that may have caused your symptoms? Illegal drugs or prescription medications?"
"No"
"Any chance someone might have drugged you without your knowledge? Do you suspect anyone?"
"No... " you said and couldn't help back the tears when you thought of Saeran taking you in Seven's car and giving you that rigged PhD Pepper.
"Why are you crying? Is there something you want to tell me? Is there someone hurting you?" he asked "You're safe here, anything you say is confidential"
You took a deep breath and tried to control your tears. Where to even begin.
"I've had these… these… I don't know" you say, covering your face with your hands as you couldn't hold back the tears.
"What have you had? Voices? Hallucinations?"
"I've… I've been having these dreams and they feel very, very real."
"And what are you dreaming about?"
"The characters of a video game. It's as if I am in their universe"
"But you're aware these are dreams?"
"Yes… well, at first. At first it only happened for a few hours. I thought it was just a really vivid dream but then it happened again and again. Always the same setting with the same characters and it's… its continuous, I remember what happens the previous times I've been there and so do they"
"Do you see any of these characters when you're awake? Do you hear them?"
"No. When I'm awake I know I'm here and I know they're… not real… but when I am there it… it feels real and it's as if… as if I forget that I exist in this reality"
"And you're sure you've never seen them or heard them outside of these dreams or outside of these episodes?
"Well… once I thought I'd heard one of the characters. I was actually here in the hospital for a concussion but I knew it had been my imagination then"
"Very well" he says. "These last… two days that you were catatonic, were you with these characters?"
"Yes"
"Tell me what happened"
"I… I found out I was pregnant and I was proposed to" Saying it outloud made it seem and feel completely and utterly insane.
"So you're pregnant in these dreams you're having" you nodded. "Okay." he said, looking at his computer. "Anything else happened in these dreams?"
"Right before I woke up here one of the characters drugged me"
"In your dreams?" he asked.
"Yes"
"And then you woke up?"
"Yes" The doctor moved over and sat on the edge of the bed. "And right now, do you feel these dreams are real or you understand that they're just dreams?"
"I…" you wanted to say that you knew they were dreams. Nothing but vivid dreams. But your heart cried when you tried to deny the love that you had experienced with Zen. "I... don't know"
"That's alright. It's okay to be confused. It can be scary to feel that you know what the right answer is to be… normal but I'm trying to help you. We can start you on some medication that will prevent you from having these episodes-"
"NO!" you said and immediately covered your mouth. "I… I don't want to take medicine. Is there a… an alternative" you said, trying to dissimulate what just happened. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell."
"Well, there are not a lot of options for what it seems that you have. You really need to be on this medication to prevent further catatonic episodes. You could die of dehydration or you could injure yourself if you pass out. You could hurt someone else who is trying to help you if you think you're in another reality and you're not hearing them and you can't react to them"
"I just… I just…" how to explain you didn't want to… not go back to Zen. "I... I would rather try maybe to change my diet or…"
"Unfortunately schizophrenia with heavy hallucinations and 3 day long catatonic episodes and a psychosomatic pregnancy cannot be managed with just a diet change or exercise. You are welcome to try these things in conjunction with the medication and it can help you improve your symptoms. If you decide not to take your medications and you continue to have these episodes, there is a high chance that you might need inpatient treatment at a psych facility."
"You mean a mental hospital?" you said, appalled"
"Basically, yes"
"And then I'd end up taking the medication there as well"
"Absolutely" he said, taking further notes in his computer. "I'm going to start you on Chlorpromazine 25mg a day. I want you to be closely monitored when we start you on this medication so we'll keep you in the hospital for the rest of your psychiatric hold and if you're doing ok we will discharge you. I understand you live alone?"
"Yes"
"Can you have a friend or a relative stay with you for a few weeks to keep an eye on you?"
"I think my mom will probably stay with me for a while"
"Very well. I will come check on you tomorrow. Do you have any questions regarding your course of treatment?"
"No… " you say. "Well, wait, can you take this medication if you're pregnant?"
"No, but you're not pregnant" he said, as he started to push the computer out of the room. You leaned back onto your bed and felt defeated. Should you have lied? What if this really was a disease that you were experiencing? You did not want to lie to your doctor, let alone a psychiatrist. You didn't want to die and you didn't want to put your mother through what you just put her through. You laid on your side on a fetal position and cried until you felt your tears ran out. You covered your face with your hands and felt you were shrinking into the hospital bed. You knew you couldn't live like this, not eating or drinking for days on end while being in another dimension. But what if you took this medication and you never saw Zen again? Could you live with that?