CH 9
"Are you ok?" Patrick asked bringing Sabrina out of her reflections. She heard what Juan said but was still processing everything.
"Yeah. I mean, no. I don't know." She replied flustered. "Juan where is all of this coming from? After 20 years, why now?"
"I'm not sure exactly. Like I said, I haven't spoken to him, but I heard through some family members that he's changed and wants to make amends. Or some load of bull. I've been trying to contact him for days to see what his real agenda is. No luck. So I had to try to head him off." Juan looked away from Sabrina and began to nervously shift from one leg to another as if he had to use the rest room.
Something about Juan's behavior set alarm bells off in Patrick's head. While he was clearly concerned about Sabrina, Patrick couldn't help but think there was more to story. He noticed how uneasy Juan was acting from the moment he shook his hand. At first he thought his apprehension was directed towards him and his involvement in a family matter, but that wasn't it. Juan had barely even acknowledged Patrick's presence since they had come into the empty exam room. Something was definitely off with him. But whatever it was, Sabrina didn't seem to notice.
"There's no way in hell I'm ever going to let him hurt you again, Prima. I promise." Juan vowed
Sabrina collapsed into her cousins arms. She believed him. Juan was the closest thing she had to a sibling. He would never lie to her. Or so she thought.
"So listen" Juan said pulling away from Sabrina's grip "I'll be here for as long as you need. I'm staying at the Metro Court. I have to go check in. Come by later tonight, ok? We'll get through this together."
"Ok. Thanks Juan." Sabrina replied.
Juan exchanged glances with Patrick before leaving the room. Sabrina turned her back to hide the tears that were starting to form. She knew the conversation that was going to have to take place between them. Sabrina hadn't been completely open with Patrick about her childhood. The moment really never presented itself until now. She couldn't run from it now no matter how badly she wanted to.
"I don't want to push you on this, Sabrina" Patrick began "But clearly there are something's I should know. That's if you want to share them. You told me your father couldn't function after your mother's death, but it sounds like it was a lot worse than that."
"You could say that." She said turning to face Patrick
Patrick seeing the pain in her face went to comfort her "Sweetheart, why didn't you tell me?" He asked.
"What was a going to tell you Patrick," she recoiled away from his arms and walked over to the window "That my father was an abusive drunk who barely wanted to have anything to do with me before or after my mother's death?"
The word abusive sent rage up Patrick's spine "Abusive? Sabrina…. did he hit you?"
Sabrina who was staring out the window lightly chuckled to herself "On the good days, he would hit me." She met her tear soaked eyes with Patrick's "On the bad days he would lock me in a room and pretend that I didn't exist."
Patrick stood silently not sure exactly what to say next. He wanted to run to her and love away all of her hurt. He wanted to ensure her that he too would never let her father hurt her again. He understood why she hadn't opened up about this until no but he wish she had. After everything they'd been through, he was convinced there was nothing they couldn't get through together.
"Wow, Sabrina… I'm sorry." He whispered
"No, I'm sorry. I haven't been completely truthful about everything. I just didn't want to relive any of it."
"It's ok" Patrick said joining Sabrina by the window "There's nothing you can't tell me. I mean, if you want to."
Sabrina took a deep breath before divulging the details of her upbringing. "Well…. Where do I start? He was never the paternal type to begin with, I suppose. I don't even recall him being around a lot. He was always away for work. At least that's how my mother explained it. And when he was around, he never seemed to be in the greatest of moods. I always thought it was because of me. Like I had somehow set him off just by… being. I don't know. I was really little. It could have all been in my head. But I don't ever remember being Daddy's girl, ya know? Seeing you with Emma… I can't think of a single instance of my childhood where we had anything even remotely similar to that." Her eyes drifted back out the window to the street below. She reflected on how she longed for what Emma had with Patrick. It was one of the things she loved the most about him. How he was able to show her what a fathers unconditional love truly was. It was as if she was living vicariously through Emma and didn't even realize it until that moment.
"The only thing I knew for sure was that he loved my mother." Sabrina smiled. "I remember sneaking downstairs late one night and sitting on the steps and watching them dance in the living room. There wasn't even any music playing. The way he looked at her. The way he held her. The way he brushed her hair behind her ear… and then how quickly his behavior changed when he caught me sitting there. It was like night and day."
"So he wasn't abusive with you mother?" Patrick asked
"No. Never. He adored her. They had gone through so much together even before I was born. She was diagnosed with cancer shorty after they were married. But they had gotten through it together. They had gone through hell and come out the other side stronger. She was in remission for years. During that time, they had me. My mom didn't think she would be able to bare children. She used to call me her miracle baby." Sabrina paused and looked at the floor "When I was 6, the cancer returned. She fought like hell for a little over a year, but…"
Patrick took her hand in his. Her pain was his pain. "So that's when he sent you to live with relatives?" He asked
"Not exactly" She sighed "After she died, my father…. He shut down emotionally. Even more so than before. He began drinking daily to numb his reality. He would sometimes leave me in the house by myself for days at a time. And on days he would come home, he would smack me around for no other reason than for reminding him of her, I guess. Child protective services were called after my teacher noticed the bruises. They removed me from his custody and sent me to Puerto Rico to live with her side of the family."
"My God, Sabrina." Patrick took her in his arms. He couldn't imagine what that was like for her. He wanted so badly to go back in time and protect her. "I never told you this, but my father turned to the bottle as well after my mother died. I know what it's like to watch someone lose themselves to grief."
"Another thing we share" Sabrina whispered.
"So you haven't seen him since?" Patrick asked wiping away the tears streaming down her cheek.
"No. He was barred from contacting me until I was an adult. By that time, I didn't want to have anything to do with him nor him with me. Plus my family didn't want him anywhere near me either. I have no idea what he could possibly want now." As soon as Sabrina finished that statement, her cell phone rang.
"Juan? What's wrong?" Sabrina asked on the first ring. Patrick noticed her face go flushed. "Ok…. I'll be right there."
"That didn't sound good." Patrick said concerned.
"It wasn't. My father is here. I have to head over to the Metro Court." She said beginning to leave the exam room.
"Wait" Patrick said gently grabbing her arm. "I'll go with you"
"You don't have to, Patrick. This is something I have to do alone."
"Sabrina..." Patrick took her face into his hands "I love you. You will never have to do anything alone as long as I have breath in my body."
She looked at this man who was willing to stand by her in her toughest moments and felt a little more at ease. There was nothing Sabrina couldn't face as long as he was by her side. She took his hand in hers and they headed towards the elevator. She felt prepared for whatever was to come as long as she held on to Patrick. And he was prepared to hold her up through anything just as she had done for him. The elevator doors closed taking them on a journey neither could have seen coming. One that would shake Sabrina's trust and would test Patrick's commitment. They proceeded to the Metro Court unaware that most of what Sabrina had just told him would soon be exposed as a lie.