REPOST

"No." I said, "I can't and I don't want to."

He looks bewildered. Lost. Afraid. Confused. "I'll drive you home."

The car drive was quiet. Not a single peep came from either of us. When he pulls up in front of my house, I feel a sudden pang of guilt. I want him, but I am too afraid of wanting him only to lose him in the process and find myself hurting again.

"Goodbye, Christian."

"Why does it feel like you're saying bye to me?"

"Because I am." I tell him.

I step out of his car, and head straight for my room. All I wanted to do was cry.

How could someone who I have barely known mean so much to me? I can't be what he needs. I am as fragile as he is. There he is, dealing with his own problems. Getting into fights, getting drunk and feeling out of place in his own family. Here I am with the problem of being afraid, not knowing what to do because my mother is too far away, too scared to get hurt. I hug a pillow and cover myself in blankets to cry.

Winter break goes by without a single text or call from Christian. I am relieved but also disappointed that Christian didn't bother to fight for me. Kate and I have been hanging out and I have told her pretty much everything. She is still stunned by the fact that I said no to Christian. I doubt that any one else can and would ever say no to Christian.

As I sat in front of the TV, watching performances by pop stars during the New Year's Eve countdown show, I feel the phone in my back pocket vibrate. I knew it would be Kate scolding me about her New Year's Eve plans but I had to double check my reading when I see that the text was from Christian.

*IM DRUNK HAHAHHADJJBA*

I call him and just when I was about to hang up, he answers.

"AAAAANA!" He giggles.

"Christian, is this going to be a thing?" I snap at him, "Are you going to call me whenever you're drunk?"

He's laughing, "No...hey! I got my cast off! We can have fun now!"

"Please tell me you're not driving."

"If I did, will you come and get me?" He slurrs, "Whoaa" he chuckles, "almost hit a...something there!"

"Christian! Stop! Pull up on the curb and tell me exactly where you are." I wave at my dad and point to my phone, telling him that I'm leaving. I grab my keys and a coat.

"Oooo-Kay, I'm on the street. By a curb. In front of a house. Under a light." He laughs.

I try not to sound amused but I still found his drunk state hilarious, "This is not funny Christian. Tell me where you are!"

"Fiiiine! I'm on 112th street...I think," he pauses, "Are you actually coming?"

"Yes but only if you stop driving right now."

I drive north of 112th and find nothing. I make a u-turn and head south when I hear a screech of who I can only imagine would be Christian. "Shit." I mutter to myself.

I pull up by the curb and call him. "Christian?! Where are you?!"

"I seeeeee youuuuu!"

I turn to my side and see a sports car passing my car, waving his arm around.

"Christian! STOP." Right away, I see the car stop in the middle of the street. "Ok, pull up on the curb and park your car. I'm going to get you. Stay there." I snap at him.

I get out of my car as fast as I can and run to him. Before I get there, he opens his door and steps out of his damned car. He holds out his arms and waits for me to hug him, but I slow down into a walk when I saw that he was fine. Without giving him the expected hug, I get inside the car. I roll a window down. "Get in the fucking car, Christian." He quickly gets on the passenger side and laughs.

"What the fuck were you thinking?!" I yell at him.

"The same thing I was thinking last time," he giggles.

"Christian, you can't keep doing this," I shake my head, "I am not going to be here everytime you get drunk."

"But Ana...you won't listen to me. I need you."

"Tell me why you keep doing this and I'll be with you," I take a moment to re-think what I'm doing, "I'll be your girlfriend. But please, tell me why. This can't just be all about you needing a girlfriend."

He inhales slowly before saying what could possibly make or break everything, "My mother is a crack whore." He mutters through his teeth. "She was a fucking crack whore who couldn't give a fuck about her child."

I am confused by all of this. When I met Mr. And Mrs. Grey, his mother looked nothing but a lovely mother who cared deeply for his son. "Grace?" I ask.

"No." He glares at me, "Not Grace. My actual mom. My bioooo-logical mom."

"Oh...I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, she's dead. She deserves to be dead." He whispers.

I look at him and he looks like he has been traumatized. "Christian, don't say that. She's still your mother. There's not one mother in this world who didn't love their child."

He snorts, "Well mine didn't." He pats the dashboard, "Drive Ana."

I am still shocked by his confession and it takes me a moment to focus and comprehend what he had just said.

"Take me to...Hotel Bellevue." He orders.

"Is that where you're staying?" I ask.

"Mhhhmmm." Is all that came out of him.

I drive towards the the hotel and wonder what the hell a teenager was doing there when he has a beautiful home. I pull up in front of the hotel and the valet quickly comes to open Christian's door. Christian startles awake and gets out of his car.

"Ana..." He holds out his arm, "Come here."

I walk towards him to help him walk in the lobby. He wobbles through and his feet just seemed to be floating.

"Do you already have a room?" I ask looking at the check-in desk.

"Yeah" he giggles.

I help him get to the elevator and I realize he passed out. "Christian. What floor?" He doesn't budge. "What floor?!"

I slap his face to wake him up and get his attention.

He quickly kneels on the ground with his hands on his thighs and without looking at me he says, "Yes, Ma'am?"

"What are you doing? Get up." I help him up but he still doesn't look me in the eye. "What floor, Christian?"

"The last one, Ma'am."

He is acting like a military personnel, his body was straight and controlled. "Why are you calling me Ma'am?"

He doesn't answer.

"Christian, look at me." I hold onto his chin to pull his face up. "Look at me. Why are you calling me Ma'am?!"

He wakes up from his trance or whatever that was, confused to see me, "Ana?"