Chapter 5

Lime juice selfie warning! And mention of sexual assault.

BPOV

Edward encouraged me to eat as he drove to his "alone place" as he called it. He figured that anywhere else he could have taken me, we'd never have gotten through our conversation because somebody else was going to pop up and interrupt. Luckily, both our meals were kinda finger foods, so eating in the car wasn't a big deal.

After a while, he pulled to a stop in a clearing, pulled a pack out of his trunk, and from there, we got out and walked for a bit. It wasn't a very long walk, but it was definitely off of the marked path. When we finally broke through the trees, I gasped. It was October now, so there wasn't much greenery, but the meadow was an explosion of reds, brown and oranges. It looked like something scenic that would be on the back of a postcard.

Beside me, Edward dropped his pack and knelt down to pull a blanket out of it, his reddish brown hair glowing bronze in the sunlight, before spreading said blanket on the ground and motioning for me to join him. I kicked off my shoes, and this time there was no hesitation as I cuddled up to him.

He adjusted me, as if I weighed nothing, spreading his legs apart and placing me between them so that my shoulder was tucked into his chest and both of my legs were thrown over one of his. "I'm sorry about earlier." He said softly. His lips were in my hair and both of his hands on my hip as he squeezed me to him. The effect was fabulous. The more I was surrounded by him, the more relaxed I felt.

"It's…" I started to tell him it was okay, but then I didn't want to lie to him either, so I said "I'm used to it."

"But you shouldn't be. People like Jessica don't deserve to even know people like you. What she said-"

"Edward, I've been called worse."

"What? By who?" He pulled away from me to stare, but this conversation was easier if I didn't have to look at him, so I tucked my head right back under his chin and shrugged.

"Too many to name specifically. Despite what year it is, people are still very bigoted. My mom being one of them. Her parents weren't rich, or very well off at all, but they still disowned Renee when she got pregnant with me. Not because she was a teenager, but because my dad is black.

Renee, um. She was okay with it at first, because my dad isn't very dark skinned, and my mom is so pale, she'd figured I'd be…'passable'."

Edward stiffened. "Jesus, Bella."

"But when I was born and was more brown than she'd liked, she changed I guess. Well, I don't know if she was very kind to begin with, but I've talked to my dad about it, and she was pretty intolerable at that point regardless. He wouldn't tell me the things that she said, but it was pretty obvious from the things that she said to me all the time that she was regretting her decision not to have an abortion. Apparently he talked her out of it."

I told him about how she punished me in ridiculous ways when I didn't do the things that she wanted. How she made me compete in all these singing competitions, but she would put makeup on me to make me look lighter, make me wear blue contacts, straighten my hair. How when I filled out, she wouldn't let me eat meat and put me on all these ridiculous diets. She was like one of those pageant moms from Hell, and when I got sick, or my voice got tired, or I just wanted to quit, she called me horrible names: fat pigs, monkeys, mutts, mongrels.

"Bella," Edward started, but I shook my head and gripped him tighter.

"No, wait Edward. If you want to date me, you need to know everything. I wouldn't be a normal girlfriend. I won't be able to… I can't-"

He finally succeeded in prying my head away from him and turned me to face him with a finger under my chin. "Bella, whatever it is, it's okay. Tell me."

I could only hold his stare for a moment, and then I was looking everywhere but his face; the trees, the blanket, his zipper. Anything else.

"I…I missed singing. A lot. So After school a couple of weeks ago, I was waiting to see if Renee was going to come get me. She forgot a lot of the time, and she was late a lot of the time. I never knew which, but if I started walking home and she came and for me and I had already left, she flipped out, so I just waited every day.

Anyway, I had wandered into the auditorium, and…Renee's fiancée's son, was there. Renee had sent him to come get me. I didn't know he was there; he was usually in class until late. I was just kind of standing in the middle of the stage looking out into the seats and-and he just… he was just there. He dragged me into the wings by my hair.

I tried to get him off of me, but he slammed my head into the floor. After that, i-it-it's hard. I can't really- I don't-. I can't stand to lay on my back Edward. At all. Do you see what I'm telling you?"

It was hard to say who was the one shaking at that point, Edward or I, or both. I kept opening my mouth to finish, but no words would come out, just squeaks, so I waited to see how he would react to the news that I wasn't going to be able to have sex with him for a long time, if ever.

"Bella? Did he-" He paused, took a deep breath and squeezed me tighter to him. When he spoke again, his voice was a rough whisper. "Did he rape you?"

My own voice was so wracked with sobs after that that I have no clue how he understood me. "The n-nurse told me wh-when I woke up in the hos- in the hospital that he penetrated, but he didn't get a chance to break through be-be-because someone pulled hi-him off."

He swore after that. In English and in what sounded like French? So many swear words, in combinations that I'd never heard of, but not once did he let me go, or even loosen his grip. "I don't care Bella." He said finally. "I don't care. I mean, I care, I'm going to fucking kill him, but the other thing, it doesn't matter."

I didn't respond. Sure, it's easy for him to say so now, but when he was ready to have sex, what then? No matter how much he cared about me, nobody wanted a girlfriend who was so messed up that he couldn't be with her. "Hey," He adjusted me in his lap again, so that he could better see me, and then he froze, as if realizing how intimate sitting like this was. "Does it bother you, being in my lap like this?" He sounded completely horrified, and went to set me away but I grabbed onto his jacket.

"Bella!" he grabbed onto both of my hands with his. "This whole time I've just been touching and kissing you without asking you first, Jesus Christ, I'm so sorry!"

"Wait, Edward!" I went to rise up on my knees, but Clumsy Bella made her appearance and I plowed into him, knocking him onto his back and landing on his chest with an oomf. I thought maybe his eyes would explode right out of his head at any minute. But he was quiet and he was still, so I tried to explain better. "Every time you doing something new, you ask if I'm okay. I don't want you to stop touching me, Edward. God, that sounded bad. But everything you've been doing is okay, and I like it. I just…I don't think I'd like being pinned down, and I haven't been able to lay on my back at all. But I'll let you know if something is too much, I promise. But don't stop, please."

Edward's face was bright red, his jaw was clenched and his eyes were screwed shut so tightly that I'm sure he'd see spots when he opened them. Still, he didn't say anything.

My own face started to flush in embarrassment. I knew it would be too much, but still, I tried again.

"Edward? Please say something."

"I'm sorry Bella, I'm just…trying really hard not to say or do anything to mess this up." He leaned up on one elbow, and with the other hand, reached up and caressed the side of my face. "This is okay, you sitting like this?"

I nodded, and his grin came back. "Then we're good Bella. More than. I can still cuddle with you and be close to you, the rest is just extra stuff we could work on, or just not do. At the end of the day, I still get to have you as my girlfriend, so trust me it's not a deal breaker."

EPOV

I laid back on the blanket and opened my arms for her. "Now," I told her, waggling my eyebrows in a way I hope was comical and not douche-y. "I need to hold you after all that heavy stuff. Cuddle with me?"

My girl, God bless her, didn't hesitate a second, just lowered herself back down to my chest. One of her legs was thrown over mine and her arm laid over my stomach.

Holy fucking shit, that was close. It was ridiculously hard not to say something wholly inappropriate with Bella sitting on top of me. That gorgeous, hot ass of hers was right on top of my dick while she was saying things like 'I don't want you to stop touching me, Edward.' And 'Don't stop. Please.' I need an award for that shit. I swear Mjolnir was gonna drill straight through my sweatpants in an effort to get to her. But now was definitely not the time. My self restraint should be a fucking thing of legend.

I had to make myself stop thinking about my dick for a second to check on her. Her face was pale, her eyes were red and swollen and she clung to me in a way she hadn't done before. I took her glasses off and put them on the blanket next to us so that I could wipe her tears with my thumb. "Baby, you good?"

"I'm good."

"Okay. I meant what I said earlier Bella. I don't care, and I mean that. I'm fine with holding you, just like this, for forever if need be." She nestled in closer at that, and I was quiet for a while longer, simply playing with her thick braid until I remembered some of the other stuff that she'd told me. "And you're not fat Bella. You're not fat, or a mutt, a mongrel or any of those other stupid ass things she called you. I really think your mother's just hateful and jealous."

Bella snorted. "You haven't seen my mother."

"I don't need to. I see you. You're beautiful Isabella." I full-named her so she would know I was serious. "You're all soft skin the color of warm honey and full lips that I just want to tug on with my teeth all the time, and bright hazel eyes I tend to stare at until I can pinpoint exactly what colors are in there. And these curves, fucking Christ." I put my hand in the curve of her waist again. "The way you dip in here, and then out to these hips and this ass." I leaned up so I could watch my hand trail said path from her ribs to her thigh, though I behaved and kept my hand off of her ass even though I was dying to molest it.

Well I kind of behaved. I really didn't mean to tell her: "I want to fucking follow this line with my tongue." But I did.

Instead of stiffening and pulling away, her breathing picked up, causing her breasts to start heaving awfully close to my face. With a groan I dropped back into our original position pulling her with me before I did something I'd regret, like pulling her into my lap by two handfuls of her ass and then unzipping her hoodie and licking her along the neckline of her top.

"I'm getting too horny for this." I mumbled. Bella shifted again, but still didn't say anything, so I chanced a glance at her face to make sure I hadn't over done it. And wouldn't you fucking know it, she was staring at my half formed erection. When Mjolnir became aware that he had an audience, he stood at full attention, and my sweatpants hid nothing.

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

"Uh, maybe it's time to go?" I said, traitorous voice cracking like I was 12 all over again. I pulled Bella to her feet and put my back to her while I gathered the blanket and my pack, hoping my dick would calm down by the time I had to face her again, but knowing better.

When we got back to the car, Bella caught my wrist after I slammed the trunk closed. She stared me in the face, looking for something before she said "I'm sorry."

"What? Sorry for what?"

"For staring. For making you uncom-"

"You didn't make me anything Bella," I interrupted. "Besides horny as hell, and there wasn't really anything you actively did to cause that. I just look at you and it happens. I just…felt like an asshole considering the conversation we'd just finished having. I didn't want to make you uncomfortable."

"I kinda hate that I even brought it up now." She whispered, but she was so damn short I barely caught it with all the wind. I picked her up and placed her on the trunk, fitting myself between her knees, thankful now that Mjolnir was against the car and out of Bella Molestation Range. Bella looked at me, astonished.

"I couldn't hear you down there Short Stuff. You're barely taller than Alice, what are you, 5 feet?"

"I'm 5'1." Bella grumbled, going to smack my chest, but I caught her fingers and kissed them.

"I'm glad you told me." I whispered against her forehead.

"Well I'm not. It made you uncomfortable."

"That's reasonable, it's an uncomfortable topic Bella. But it's still a good thing you told me. What if we had started kissing and I'd flipped us over so that I was on top of you?"

"I'd have known you weren't doing it on purpose." She insisted, pulling away from me a little.

"After the fact, maybe. But right then, you would have reacted and I don't know if you would have said anything or not, or if you would have frozen until I noticed. I would have felt like shit. I don't ever want you to feel anything negative when I'm touching you."

"Well now you won't touch me at all!" She nearly wailed. I pulled her back to me and grinned where I knew it was safe and she couldn't see. It probably made me a massive dick, but I liked the fact that it upset her, the thought of me not touching her again, even though we hadn't been doing anything heavy at all.

"Trust me Bella," I whispered in her ear. "I'll definitely still touch you. A lot. I'm big on the touchy feely remember? I'll just be more cognizant of boundaries than I already was. I'd never forgive myself if I was trying to be affectionate with you and I did something to make you have a panic attack, okay? I just want to go slower when we do anything new so I make sure you're okay."

"Okay," her voice was thick with tears and sniffles.

"Baby, why are you crying?"

"Because I feel like an idiot!" she sobbed. "I just wanted to let you know about the sex thing so you would know what you're getting into, or not getting into as it were-" I choked at that. "-but it blew all out of proportion and I made a big deal out of nothing, and you're going to decide you don't want to deal with my crazy, especially when you aren't even getting sex out of it before I even get a chance to tell you I decided I wanted to try being your girlfriend, and now I'm doing that word diarrhea thing all over you again, and I'm sorry!"

"Shhh, Bella." I rocked her from side to side, trying to soothe her.

But she continued to sob and gulp for air, and I think she was just finally letting everything out. "I'm just so angry!" She hiccupped. "What did I do to anybody? To my mother? To Garrett? Phil? I tried to be a good kid and do what she t-told me, for years! I just- I just wanted to go to school and graduate so I could leave. I j-j-just wanted-ted to-"

"Okay Bella, stop. You gotta breathe Baby, or you're going to pass out." I removed her glasses since they were fogging up anyways, and held the sides of her face in both hands. "Bella, look at me, come on. Deep breaths." Her eyes met mine, and she tried to take a huge gulp inwards but it was a big hiccupping, stuttering mess still. "Slower," I urged, placing one of her hands on my chest and taking exaggerated breaths for her to mimic. It took a couple more minutes, and I worried for a sec that I was going to have to call an ambulance or something, but she started taking regular breaths again. The temperature was dropping, and it was starting to look nasty outside but I gave her a while longer until her breathing was completely back to normal. She was still crying, but her face was at least back to it's usual golden color so I decided to go down the list and disabuse her of a couple of her concerns, at least where I was concerned.

"Listen to me Bella. You didn't blow anything out of proportion, it IS a big deal what happened to you. And I already told you why I'm, glad you told me, and it'll do a lot of good for me to know. You're not crazy, you're just dealing with trauma. Something, unfortunately, this family, which you are a part of, girlfriend or not, is very familiar with. And as far as the sex thing-"

She stiffened, but I didn't let go of her and wouldn't let her hide. "No you don't. Listen to me, look. As far as the sex thing, it's not a fucking deal breaker, okay? I told you that. I'm kind of amazed by the fact that you want me to touch you at all, even just like this. But just some food for thought," and because I wanted to fucking distract her. "We aren't there yet, I know. But if the biggest hurdle is laying down on your back-" I leaned in and sucked briefly on her earlobe. "-did it ever occur to you that there are other positions to have sex in besides missionary?"

"M-missionary?" She stuttered, both hands gripping me tight beneath my open jacket. I nodded, trailing kisses all over the side of her face, ear, and neck. "You on the bottom," I answered. I let trailed a hand along my favorite path down her side, and then in figure eights along the top of her thigh, careful not to drag my fingers too far inwards, close to what, from what I could feel, was very, very hot. "There's cowgirl," I teased her. "That's you on top. Hmm, Reverse Cowgirl, that's you on top, facing away from me. We could try either of those with me laying flat, or sitting up and holding you in my lap. There's also standing."

"Standing?" she interrupted my fantasizing, and fuck me if she didn't look interested. "How?"

"I'd pick you up."

She looked unconvinced then. "You couldn't hold me up there the whole time, could you?"

"Bella, please. You're a shrimp. I could support you with one hand and use the other in all sorts of fun places."

Her face flushed dark red then and I laughed, deciding to stop teasing us both. "Seriously though," I handed her back her glasses. "It's a hurdle we'll jump when we get to it. We've got loads of time. We good now?"

She nodded. "We're good."

"Good."

I noticed then, a police cruiser pull up behind us, and Charlie was out fast as hell, quickly walking a circle around my car, looking for damage. "You two okay?" He asked. "What the hell are you doing out here?"

"We had a picnic." I shrugged.

"In the cold? And why are you crying?" He was looking at Bella when he said this, sounding suspicious now.

"It wasn't really cold this morning." I shrugged again. "We were having kind of a rough conversation. Bella decided that if we were going to date I should know about Phoenix."

Bella tensed, but I kissed the side of her head. "It's fine." I whispered. "He'll appreciate the honesty, trust me." Plus, I just didn't give a shit. I didn't believe in hiding anything from my parents because I didn't have anything to be ashamed of.

"Ah. Well. Give me your keys so I can move your car and get into the cruiser. All the weather radios have been going nuts, we're due for something nasty here in a bit. Your parents have been trying to call you for the past couple hours so you can get home."

"Shit." I pulled my phone out of my pocket and saw that I had 9 missed calls. I'd never felt the damn thing vibrate, oops. Just as well, I probably would have ignored it until Bella and I were done talking anyway.

I tossed Charlie my car keys and lifted Bella off of the trunk. One handed. Before I put her down I waved my free hand in front of her face and winked at her, just to tease her for doubting me. I laughed at her when she turned red again and put her down before Charlie turned to see what we were doing. I opened the front seat of the cruiser for her, and shut her in before crawling into the back. Looks like Charlie found us just in time because the wind started howling, and the cruiser swayed a little bit. We watched as he pulled my car further into the clearing, away from any trees, hurried back to the police car, making it just as the skies opened up and it started to rain.

"Alright kids. Bella, I dropped your school bag and some other things off for you Bella. I'm going to have to be at the station until this mess is over so you're going to stay with the Cullens. Ride to school with them in the morning and I'll pick you up, okay kid?"

"Okay, Dad."

"So, you want to tell me about this dating business?"

Charlie looked at me in the rear view mirror with the Dad Eyebrow. In the front seat, Bella groaned and covered her face. "What's to tell. We're dating. Ta da?"

Charlie grinned at me, but gave me a middle finger for my impudence. "Yeah, well I told her you were a good kid and she should give you a shot. I take it back if you're going to be a wise ass!"

I laughed at him. "No take backsies Old Man!"

"Maybe when we get to your house, I'll just leave you back there. Maybe a day or so in the back of the cruiser will teach you to respect your elders."

"Probably not."

"You're probably right about that." Done teasing, he looked between Bella and I. "Gotta say though, I'm impressed that you're being up front and open with each other. Having the hard conversations was something I never mastered in my relationships. Very adult of you. Both of you."

We pulled up in front of my house just as the rain turned into a brutal sideways gale strength storm. Mom was already waiting with the front door open, and as soon as Bella let me out on her side, I grabbed her, and we ran for it. It took maybe 5 seconds max to get from the car to the house, but the rain was frigid, and by the time we cleared the door way, we were dripping and shaking.

Mom wrapped us both in huge towels that she had to have just taken out of the dryer, and took turns toweling my head and then Bella's. She gave her usual python hugs and then switched the now wet towels for two more warm and dry ones. After having spent the last couple hours outside, these damn things felt awesome.

Dinner wouldn't be for a couple hours, so we headed upstairs, me to my bathroom and Bella to Alice's to take hot showers. Actually getting clean was the last of my priorities though. Even though the cold rain had helped a bit, after all of the teasing I'd inflicted on Bella, the thought of her naked and wet across the hall fired me right back up. I didn't even let the water warm up first before I threw myself in and fisted my erection, glad to finally have some kind of pressure on my dick after a half a fucking day worth of hard ons.

I lathered up the soap in my palms and then grabbed onto Mjolnir with both hands. "Fuck." I moaned. It wouldn't take much this time, I knew that for a fact.

"Bellaaaa." I groaned, imagining her sinking down onto me.

"Mmmmm, Baby go slow." I urged her as she was finally seated in my lap. Her hot pussy was squeezing me and her fucking tits were right in my face as she eased herself up, and then down, testing the ride. I gripped her tight around her waist, coaxing her, helping her with one hand while the other pushed her glasses up into her hair and out of the way.

"I don't want you to stop touching me, Edward." She said breathlessly, moving one of my hands to her tit.

I trailed my fingers down to her nipple, rolling and tugging the one as I took the other in my mouth. She gave a breathless cry of "Don't stop, please!"

"Hold on Baby, hold on." I took over, moving her faster, harder on my dick. "I'm gonna cum!" She squealed, gripping me impossibly tighter.

"Yes, Baby." I took one of her tits in my mouth again and sucked on her nipple while my thumb found her clit and pressed hard.

"Edwaaaaard!"

"Yes, that's it baby. Cum. Cum! I'm-! Fuck. Bella!"

With one last pump into my tightened fist, I came so hard I had to bite my lip to keep from yelling. I spurted all over the shower wall in front of me, and when I was finally empty, I sat my ass down on the shower floor, legs shaking.

"Fucking shit." It didn't take me 2 minutes and I was fucking coming so hard I had to sit down. And I hadn't even touched her yet. Son of a bitch.

When I finally dragged my ass out of the shower, I have to say, I felt a LOT better. I dressed in a wife beater and basketball shorts, because I saw how my girl stared the last time she saw me dressed like this, and decided I should probably record something for my YouTube account. I had videos backlogged, of course, set to automatically upload every other day, but I hadn't recorded at all over the weekend, and if I didn't watch it, I'd run out of uploadable content.

So I turned on the super bright ass light that Dad helped me install so I wouldn't have studio lights cluttering up my room, and set about setting up my cameras and checking the focus on both the lenses.

"What is all this?"

I turned to see Bella in the doorway with Alice. Alice came right in and plopped down on my couch, but Bella was watching staring at the two video cameras and the 3rd tripod that held my audio recorder. She had in her hand, what looked suspiciously like an iBox. "This is how I typically set up when I film for my YouTube channel," I told her, holding my hand out for the white box in her hand.

Sure enough, it was an iPhone. "Dad left it with my stuff. Alice told me either you or Carlisle could help me set it up. What kind of YouTube channel?"

"He has two." Alice mumbled, getting up to twiddle with my equipment. I left her to it, it always looked better when she set it up for me anyways. "Pet stuff and a vlog."

"Vlog?" Bella asked, as I yanked the plastic wrap off of the box her new phone was in. I could totally see her staring at my arms again out of the corner of my eye so I winked at her, just to see if she'd flush for me. Hell yeah, she did.

"A video blog." Alice answered again. "YouTube calls them lifestyle vlogs. For some reason people like to watch him talk about the whole lot of nothing he's done all day."

"Oy." I chucked the cardboard box at Alice, having taken all of it's contents out already. She ignored me and waggled her eyebrows at Bella. "I think it's mostly girls, and they just like looking at him."

"Stop it you wench." I growled at her. She didn't mean anything buy it, sure, but I didn't want Bella getting self conscious again, especially after the string of conversations we'd had today. I walked over to the corner of my black leather couch and pulled Bella into my lap so that I could walk her through the set up.

Finally, as I tapped her thumb repeatedly for the fingerprint setup, she asked. "Can I see?"

I shifted her to one leg so that I could dig my phone out of my pocket and clicked on the YouTube app for her, and blindly handed it over, since I knew it would open to my account's home page.

It was only after the phone was in her hands that I remembered what my last post was. Sure enough, she read out the title:

"Huge Crush on the New Girl"

God damn it.

AN: uh oh! Somebody's busted! But we all know at this point that Edward has zero shame. Our lovelies had some hard conversations, but they were fully necessary for Bella to be able to go forth as unencumbered as possible!

Limeward likes reviews, just sayin ;)

See you in the next chapter!