Patsy meandered about the small house as she sipped her tea that Monday morning, her internal clock waking her much earlier than she actually needed to be since it looked like they were to remain snowed in yet another day. She looked around, tidying things as she went out of habit. She wondered if she should attempt to make a bit of breakfast but she didn't find herself hungry at the moment and she didn't want to risk waking Delia before she was ready to rise. She thought the woman could use a lie in after their rather… active evening.
Patsy stopped to stand and gaze out the window by the front door, her eyes blinking rapidly as she blushed, recalling the night before. She sipped her tea as her thoughts drifted back to the experience. Not only the sex, which she would argue was the most passionate she had ever had, but the way it made her feel. She was nervous, for sure, who doesn't feel nervous their first time with a new partner? But not once did she feel anxious once Delia took over. She didn't feel like panicking when she stripped and showed her scars. She liked that Delia didn't take off her clothes for her, she merely asked and let Patsy choose. Patsy loved that Delia kept her mind from wandering, kept her engaged by asking her questions, making her ask for what she wanted. Patsy had never felt so confident, so empowered by letting someone else tell her what to do. Outside the bedroom she always seemed to default to being the leader, always the one to shoulder more responsibility because… why. Trust. Patsy lived most her life unable to rely on anyone, really, only herself. Except now, she trusted Delia. She could rely on Delia. The thought made Patsy feel calm. Affectionate. She took a deep breath and resisted the urge to crawl back into bed and give Delia a hug, cuddle with her. She bit her lip, bringing her mug to her mouth, deciding to let the woman sleep.
Patsy sipped her tea, her mind thinking back on more specific details of the night prior. She blushed again with a small smile, shaking her head in disbelief. Was Delia really only 21? Patsy made a mental note to ask just where she got all this sexual confidence from. She wondered if Delia had a lot of girlfriends before.
Patsy shook her head, willing herself it to not think of Delia being with other people and to stick to the wonderful memories of the night before as she sipped her tea. She couldn't help that little twinge of self loathing creeping in, still keeping her suspended in a state of disbelief that Delia was even remotely attracted to her, given all her faults, her issues, her terrible behavior before. Patsy didn't think she was even all that attractive, but sometimes the way she caught Delia looking at her made her feel beautiful.
Patsy caught her reflection in the window and gave a defeated sigh. She still didn't see it.
'I'm just not my type, I suppose,' she mumbled to herself with a shrug as she looked back out the window.
Patsy stopped herself midway through bringing her mug to her lips for another sip of tea before a low rumbling in the distance caught her ear. She squinted her eyes and was able to make out the headlamps of two large trucks making their way through the snow, one pushing the snow to the side of the road and the other following it, spreading salt in its wake.
'Plows,' Patsy said to herself, her heart thumping in excitement and relief. Her mind was racing suddenly. They were finally clearing the road. She could get to the car today. Fill it with petrol. They could finally get out of here.
Patsy blinked.
Finally get out of here.
Her heart sank for a moment, the realization that their impromptu stay here would be ending soon and she would have to get on with her real life. The thought made her sad for a moment, as leaving this idyllic little cottage with this idyllic person was the last thing Patsy wanted to do. Everything seemed so perfect here, so quiet and warm.
Patsy shook her head, thinking she was being ridiculous. They couldn't stay here. This wasn't their house. This wasn't even their bloody country. They were essentially squatters stealing food and resources from some poor soul who forgot to turn off the power when they left for the season. She gave a resounding sigh. Soon they would head back to London. Get back to work. Work.
Patsy sighed, downing her tea as she turned back towards the kitchen and begrudgingly located the telephone cord, hooking it back up to the phone on the wall. She checked the clock on the stove and saw that it was 7:45. Phyllis was sure to be sitting in her office sipping tea and reading the newspaper like she did every morning. Patsy dialed her number and brought the phone to her ear.
'Crane here,' Phyllis picked up after only a half ring.
'It's Mount,' Patsy said.
'Mount!' Phyllis said, and Patsy heard the rustling of newspaper and the creaking of that old chair Phyllis refused to throw away, 'Good god, woman, where the hell are you?'
'Oh, so I assume you got my message,' Patsy said nonchalant, swirling the tea in her mug.
'Of course I did, but you didn't leave a callback number. Are you alright? How is Nurse Busby's ankle?'
'What?' Patsy had nearly forgotten, 'Oh, yes, she's made a full recovery. And I actually don't quite know where we are. Seemed to have stumbled upon someone's holiday cottage and have been squatting here waiting for the roads to clear up.'
'You're still snowed in?' Phyllis asked.
'Yes, but I was calling to tell you we might be able to make it out first thing tomorrow morning. I was wondering if you would be alright without the two of us until Wednesday?' Patsy asked hopeful. If she could get the car to start she could very well get her and Delia on the road that day, but to be completely honest she just wanted one more day. One more day with Delia all to herself.
'We've managed this long without you two, I think we can wait a few more days. We just want you to get back safely,' Phyllis said kindly.
'Oh, well, thank you Phyllis,' Patsy said with a hint of surprise in her tone. She was honestly touched.
'Of course. And by no means has it been easy without you. As much friction there may be between the two of us sometimes, the girls and I certainly have come to appreciate what a valuable asset you are to our team. We'll certainly be happy to have you back here working alongside us.'
Patsy was absolutely taken back, the kindness in Phyllis' words overwhelming her. They appreciated her? They valued her? The words cracked something in Patsy's psyche. She was wanted. There was suddenly a surge of compassion that swelled within Patsy. She thought of the other nurses at work. She had basically treated them the same way she had treated Delia when she first arrived. She pushed them away with her attitude, her yelling, her bad temper. Kept them from getting too close, save for Trixie, but even then she had barely scratched the surface when it came to really knowing her as more than just the other senior nurse. Patsy realized she didn't know any of the other nurses at all, save for their names. She had almost brushed Delia off along with them, and look at their relationship now. If it hadn't been for this bloody trip would she have ever given Delia a chance? Gotten to know her? This kind and wonderful woman that made Patsy laugh, made her happy? Made her feel loved. Patsy wondered what kinds of people the other nurses were. Their personalities. Their talents. She wondered if maybe, if she took Delia's kindness as an example to reach out to the others, she could work to rekindle her reputation. Make it so that the others weren't afraid to come to her for help and… maybe even become friends.
To do all that though, she needed to make a change. She had to be better.
Patsy made a snap decision right then and there. She cleared her throat, collecting herself before she addressed Phyllis again.
'Listen, Phyllis,' she started, 'I would appreciate it if you could set aside some time for me when I return Wednesday. I can come in early if needed, but I need to speak with you soon.'
'Of course,' Phyllis paused, 'is everything alright?'
'Yes… I'm just… there are just some things I need to discuss with you. Nothing bad, I think.'
Phyllis sighed, 'You come to me when you're ready to talk, alright?'
'Alright,' Patsy said softly, and there was a comforting silence between the two for just a moment.
Phyllis cleared her throat before continuing, 'Patsy, how is Nurse Busby? I'm hoping this experience hasn't put her off too much,' she sighed, 'I know you and her didn't quite get along, I hate to think you two stuck together in the middle of nowhere would deter her from continuing on with us at the clinic.'
Patsy bit her tongue to hold in a gasp as she suddenly felt a pair of warm hands on her hips find their way underneath her jumper. Only when those hands palmed over her torso, stopping to cup her naked breasts, did Patsy turn her head to give her best warning glare, but it did absolutely nothing to squelch Delia's sleepy, yet cheeky grin as she continued to hug Patsy from behind.
'Delia's fine,' Patsy said, fighting off the urge to sigh, 'I don't think she's too terribly put off by this experience,' Patsy bit her lip when Delia lightly pinched her nipple. She almost doubled over to try and get her breasts out of reach but the woman behind her seemed to have extendable arms, 'in fact she seems a lot more enthusiastic about seeing out her residency at Nonnatus with us.'
'Well that's good to hear you two are getting along,' Phyllis paused a moment to address someone who just walked into her office, 'Oh, Julienne needs my attention, Nurse Mount, so I'll need to be off, but do give me a call to check in before you leave?'
'Will do,' Patsy bit back a groan in her throat as she felt Delia's hands wonder underneath the waistband of her tracksuit bottoms, 'take care, Phyllis.'
Patsy slammed the phone down on the receiver without waiting for a reply, and twirled around to look at Delia.
'You cheeky little-!' she couldn't even finish the sentence before Delia had taken off in a run, screaming.
In an instant, Patsy was chasing after her, excited laughter escaping her as the two noisily padded around the house, maneuvering around furniture, jumping over coffee tables and this and that scattered along the floor. Patsy batted away a throw pillow that was tossed at her, finally cornering Delia in the bedroom, the brunette all smiles and giggles as she tumbled over the bed to the other side of the room from Patsy, landing on the floor with a thump. She stood and raked her fingers through her messy hair to get it out of her face.
'I've got you now, Busby,' Patsy said as she crouched, ready to pounce if Delia made a run for it. She had to admit, the woman was as fast as a rabbit, her chase leaving Patsy rather out of breath.
'Hardly, I can easily slip through,' Delia replied, narrowing her eyes playfully.
'I'd like to see you try,' Patsy challenged.
Delia moved as if she were going to take off running, but stopped when she saw Patsy matching her motions. The two had a gleeful staredown across the bed from one another, neither daring to move an inch.
'I can't believe you had the nerve to tease me while I was speaking with our boss,' Patsy finally said.
'Patsy, you're my boss,' Delia retorted.
'Yeah, don't remind me.'
Delia laughed and decided to make a run for it. She rounded the bed, but wasn't quick enough for Patsy's reflexes. The redhead took great pleasure in snatching Delia, scooping her up bridal style, the smaller woman screaming and kicking her feet the entire time. Patsy threw her on the bed, Delia bouncing slightly before Patsy descended on her, trying frantically to pin the smaller woman down, but was finding it rather difficult given how wiggly the woman was.
'I have you now!' Patsy cried triumphantly with a grin.
'No fair! I can't scoop you up like that!' Delia whined.
'We all play to our strengths, Busby.'
Delia wiggled and Patsy clamped down harder.
'Jesus Pats,' Delia sighed exasperated, 'all that shoveling must have done you good.'
'Compliments will get you nowhere. You've gotten me all hot and bothered while talking on the phone with Phyllis. How dare you.'
'That was the idea,' Delia wiggled her eyebrows and Patsy looked down at her warningly.
'We mustn't get into the habit of mixing business with pleasure now,' Patsy replied, her tone playful, but stern.
Delia rolled her eyes, 'Oh alright, alright,' she conceded, as Patsy let up her grip, 'so what shall you have me do then? I suppose you'll want to teach me a lesson?' Delia bit her lip, looking up at Patsy hopefully.
Patsys heart fluttered in her chest, and not because of the physical exertion. She felt absolutely playful. Like a kid again. Delia had given her an opportunity just then to do something she hadn't done in a long time.
'Well,' Patsy started, 'since this is your first infraction, I suppose I'll let you off with a warning, and…' she trailed off, her index finger slowly lifting Delia's jumper and grazing teasingly along her exposed tummy. She could feel Delia's muscles tense under her touch in anticipation, and Patsy smiled, 'five seconds of intense tickling!
Delia eyes widened, but before she could react, Patsy's hands and mouth were on her, the redheads fingers tickling her sides while her mouth blew a loud raspberry on her tummy. Delia squealed delightfully and kicked her legs as she wiggled frantically, moving in every which way she could to try and release herself from Patsy's grasp, but it was unfortunately to no avail. It wasn't until Patsy sat up and released Delia completely did she finally have the strength to sit up and overtake a smiling Patsy.
'Pure, absolute torture, Mount!' Delia cried as she moved to pounce on Patsy, the redhead allowing her to wrap her arms around her. The two wrestled on the bed, a mess of arms and legs and shouts and giggles.
Finding herself carried away in the moment and not paying attention to what her hands were doing or grabbing onto, Patsy playfully smacked Delia on the thigh with her hand, the smaller woman gasping and swatting Patsy on the bum in retaliation. Patsy laughed, but felt Delia go limp in her arms.
Confused, Patsy disentangled herself from Delia and looked her at her.
'Sorry,' Delia said looking worried, 'I didn't mean… I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry.'
Now Patsy was really confused, 'Done what? Smack my bum?'
'Yeah…' Delia tailed off, unsure of what to say.
'Why? I smacked your thigh,' Patsy said, scratching her head, 'was that… did you not like it?'
'No, I did,' Delia replied, 'I don't have a problem with it, and I know it was playful and all that. It's just that… with you… you know…'
Patsy blinked, her heart sinking in her chest slightly as she had an inkling as to where this conversation was headed.
'What?' she asked with a shrug.
Delia scratched the back of her head nervously as she finally spit out what was bothering her, 'Well it's just, you told me about how you got your scars, and I said I wouldn't hit you again.'
'And I remember telling you it didn't bother me,' Patsy interjected, suddenly feeling defensive.
'I know but its just weird that it doesn't bother you, since you were… you know… as a kid.'
'It's iweird/i?' Patsy repeated, unable to look Delia in the eye suddenly.
iIs/i it weird? Was iPatsy/i weird? Being swatted playfully on the bum by Delia had so far been a pleasurable experience whenever she had done it.
Was Patsy iwrong/i? Was she wrong for liking it?
Patsy's anxiety flared up in an instant. What if she was wrong? What if being spanked was a fucked up thing for her to like given her past. She felt so ashamed all of a sudden, so small. Why did she have to be like this?
Patsy began to feel herself want to withdraw, and her body language reflected this as she looked away with her shoulders slouched.
Delia suddenly looked panicked, rising to her knees as she held out her hands, 'No! Shit, Patsy, it's not weird! I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that.'
Patsy didn't have words. She shook her head to convey that she did not want to discuss this any further. She got up off the bed and walked to the door.
'Pats, wait, please…' Delia pleaded and Patsy stopped. She looked down at her feet, her heart aching in her chest, feeling as if something had pierced it.
'The roads were plowed this morning,' Patsy said with as little emotion as possible, 'I'm going to go and see about the car. See if I can get it started and drive it back here.'
'The roads?' Delia asked, a little perplexed at the sudden change in topic.
Patsy simply left the room without another word, moving to the lounge to slip on her boots and coat. As she was zipping herself up, Delia emerged from the bedroom and walked over to her.
'Pats, don't go,' she pleaded, sounding rather helpless as she watched Patsy reach for the car keys, 'please, can we talk about this?'
Patsy clenched her teeth, still feeling overwhelmingly hurt at Delia's words, even though they may not have been intentional. She knew her fuse was short but there was absolutely no way she was going to let her temper get her to a point where she lashed out at Delia again like she had the other night. This time she wouldn't let Delia corner her. This time she would take the time to think. To get her feelings sorted and think of how she could even find the language to respond to Delia.
Patsy finally looked at Delia, tears threatening to spill from the smaller woman's blue eyes as she looked at her pleadingly.
'Deels,' Patsy started calmly, sighing deeply through her nose, 'I just… I'm terrible at talking about my feelings and I… I need some time to think about what I want to say, is all. I'm… I'm hurt, and angry right now, but I don't want to lose my temper so,' she shrugged, sighing again, 'I just need some time to cool off and think about what I want to say. Alright?'
Delia merely sniffed, bringing her hand to her face to harshly wipe away a tear that dropped down her cheek.
Patsys heart ached at the sight. She could see Delia was sorry. Knew she regretted what she said, but there was no way they could talk about it in this moment without Patsy possibly losing her temper. She needed the space to calm down.
'I promise I'll come back,' she said softly, 'and then we can talk about this, alright?'
Delia took a deep breath and sniffed again.
'Alright,' she croaked out.
Patsy had to look away, needing to force herself to open the door. Once she did, she stepped out into the cold and closed it behind her, taking a sigh of relief, even though relief was farthest to how she was actually feeling.
With a heavy heart, Patsy's boots crunched through the hard snow as she walked to the shed. She retrieved the can of petrol and a shovel, hitching it over her shoulder as she began to make her way down the long driveway and towards where she left the car three days prior.
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Patsy walked slowly, taking her time as she mulled over what she was feeling, thankful there was no one around to hear her talk to herself out loud.
Weird. She didn't think my infatuation with her feet was weird but she has a problem with bloody spanking me. Why. I told her no one had touched me like that since I was a kid. I told her it didn't bother me when she did it. She knows pain is a stress relief for me. Why doesn't she believe me? Does she not think I'm capable of making decisions for myself? About my own body? That I don't know what I like and don't like? That I don't know my own boundaries?
Patsy was grinding her teeth the further into her head she got. She was angry and wished she could smoke the last of her cigarettes but reasoned that wasn't a good idea with the can of petrol in her hand. She continued on down the road breathing heavily, her brows furrowed in thought as white puffs of her own breath swirled around her head from the cold.
Weird. Fuck that word. Fuck Delia for saying it. For thinking she was weird. Fuck her for making her feel ashamed over something she had no control over. Like everyone else in her fucking life that made her feel bad about things she had no choice in. About just being a kid. Being a girl. Being gay. Fuck her for piling on one more fucking thing to the fucking list of fucking things Patsy had no control over.
'Fuck,' Patsy said out loud, seething, 'fuck, fuck, fuck,' she said, each consecutive work growing louder, 'fuck, fuck, FUCK!'
Patsy dropped the can of petrol, and in one swift motion, brought the snow shovel down off her shoulders and beat it against the road over and over again.
'FUCK FUCK FUCK!' Patsy was screaming, her face red and eyes full of tears as she continued beating the shovel against the road, again and again and again, the loud clang of metal against asphalt ringing noisily through the trees.
'Fuck,' Patsy finally cried, almost in a whimper. She kneeled in the road using the shovel to keep her balance, her outburst depleting her of her energy, her adrenaline draining. Patsy took several deep breaths as she felt hot, heavy tears roll down her cheeks and drip off her chin. She brought a hand to her face and harshly wiped them away, the motion causing an image to flash in her head. A memory of Delia doing the same thing earlier. Her crying because she had made Patsy feel bad.
Patsy continued to breath, her head bowed as if she was praying.
Delia feels bad for what she said. She iis/i sorry. She cares about you.
Does she? Patsy's self loathing crept in, as usual. Does she really? What if she regrets this. What if she's thinking she's made a mistake.
You saw her face. She was crying. She feels terrible.
Still. I made her feel uncomfortable just by being myself.
You want her to believe you when you tell her you want something. When you tell her you feel a certain way. You need to believe her, too. You need to believe her when she says she's sorry. You could see it in her face. You could hear it in her voice. She's sorry, and she wants to make things right.
Patsy blinked away the last of the heavy tears and looked up to see her mittened hands clasping at the wooden handle of the shovel. The mittens that Delia made for her because she didn't have any. Because her hands were cold.
She cares about you.
Patsy sighed as she stared at those mittens, remembering sitting with Delia as she knitted them. She was curled up on the sofa under the blanket, happily humming along to the records Patsy was playing that evening. Patsy felt her heart swell with affection for Delia.
She cares about you.
Patsy slowly rose to her feet.
'Alright,' she said to herself, breathing deeply as huge waves of relief and calm washed over her body. 'Alright,' She said again, reasoning with herself that she had expended her frustration and anger out on the poor shovel and she would absolutely in no way raise her voice to Delia or lash out at her.
She was ready to talk.
Patsy hitched the shovel over her shoulder again and picked up the can of petrol. She looked in the direction of where she was to walk, and spotted an enormous pile of snow with one red tail light poking through. It was their car. Sighing, she readied herself to dig the car out of the mound and pray that it would start once she filled the tank.
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With a bit of patience, Patsy was able to get the engine to turn over after it had been sitting in the cold and snow for several days. She let it sit idle or several minutes to warm everything before she turned it around and drove it back to the cabin.
When Patsy exited the car, she was surprised to see Delia on the front porch, fully dressed in her hat and coat and waiting for her. Patsy closed the door to the car and began walking towards Delia, and Delia stepped off the porch to meet her halfway.
'I'm sorry,' Delia said.
'I know,' Patsy replied calmly.
Delia took a deep breath and looked away, shuffling on her feet nervously as Patsy remained silent.
'You have to,' Delia started, looking back to Patsy, 'will you please tell me what you're thinking? How you're feeling?' Delia's hands fidgeted in her coat pockets, 'It's driving me crazy not knowing what's going on in your head.'
'Deels,' Patsy started softly, getting Delia's attention.
Delia halted her nervous motions. She remained still and listened.
'Look,' Patsy sighed, her hands finding their way into her own coat pockets, 'I know what I've been through is fucked up and it makes total sense that you would think I would have a problem with being hit or being spanked, but I don't. Not by you.'
Delia nodded silently, waiting for Patsy to continue.
'I… my ability to make decisions about my own body…. my agency... was taken away from me as a child. I felt… powerless and… and,' Patsy grit her teeth, her eyebrows furrowing as she struggled to find the words she wanted to say, 'and now, I don't. I have agency over my own body now, as an adult… I've taken it back. I've reclaimed it.'
Patsy blinked, wondering just where this proclamation was coming from, but she felt herself stand taller as the words left her mouth. It just felt right to say.
'But the biting, Pats,' Delia interjected worriedly, 'I mean, how can you say you've reclaimed yourself when you-,'
Patsy cut her off, 'That's a perfect example, isn't it!' she exclaimed, holding other hands, 'I find pain cathartic and I've used my body in a way that I know isn't healthy, alright? I iknow/i this, and… and have given iyou/i ownership of something I did to harm myself because I think… no, I iknow/i you would only use as a source of pleasure, and not as something that merely relieves me of my depression or anxiety or… whatever,' Patsy finished, waving her hand.
Patsy took several deep breaths to calm herself before she went on.
'Deels,' she continued, looking down, feeling rather shy all of a sudden, 'I don't know. Last night you just… I felt safe. For the first time in a long time I felt safe with someone else. I felt like I could be vulnerable with you and tell you what I wanted. You were taking the lead, but I felt like I was the one in control, and it was…,' Patsy clenched her fidsts, finding the right word, 'it was empowering, and that gave me the confidence I needed to be open with you and ask for what I wanted. But when you react the way you did earlier, it just... my confidence just shattered. Like, all I wanted was to disappear and it makes me not want to tell you anything because… because I'm afraid you'll think less of me or… think there's something wrong with me…'
'I know,' Delia interjected, the look on her face pleading, 'I know, and I was wrong. I shouldn't have said it was weird. I don't think it's weird at all, honestly… I was just… I was worried I would hurt you or… cross a boundary or something and that's never my intention and… I know it's hard for you to, um,' Delia brought her hand to her mouth nervously, 'to be close to people. To let them in, and… and I'm going to try to never come from a place of judgement when you tell me things,' Delia finished, picking at her fingers nervously while she gazed up at Patsy hopefully.
Patsy could see the remorse in her expression and in her body language. She knew she was being sincere.
'Me too,' Patsy replied after a short silence, 'but I need you to trust me and believe me when I say I know what my boundaries are.'
Delia nodded again, 'I will.'
The two shared a tentative look, Delia still looked so nervous. Patsy watched as Delia's lip quivered and she looked down, seemingly to try and keep her tears at bay.
Patsy was through explaining herself. She couldn't bare the physical separation any longer. She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Delia, the smaller woman intuitively tucking her head into the crook of Patsy's shoulder as she hugged Patsy back.
'Why are you crying, darling?' Patsy asked softly.
Delia sniffed, 'I was so scared,' she said, nuzzling her face softly into Patsy's shoulder to wipe her tears on her coat, 'I thought I really fucked up with you. Thought I had ruined everything.'
'You didn't,' Patsy said soothingly.
'You just left,' Delia continued with a hiccup, 'and I didn't know if you were regretting this. I didn't know if you were going to come back and tell me we shouldn't do this, and… and…' Delia trailed off and Patsy could feel the smaller woman clutch onto her coat with her hands and pull her even closer.
Patsy responded in kind by holding her tight in her embrace, closing her eyes as she let the woman in her arms cry on her shoulder.
'I don't want things to go back to normal, cariad,' Delia continued, 'they can't. I can't… I just… I like you too much. I don't want to go back to how it was.'
Patsy couldn't help but smile, relief washing over her. Delia had managed to squelch any feelings of doubt Patsy had about how she felt. Patsy tenderly kissed Delia on her temple before pulling away slightly to look at her.
'Deels, sweetheart,' she started, pausing only to kiss a teardrop away from her cheek, 'I know exactly how you're feeling, darling.'
'You do?' Delia croaked out.
'Yes. I'm scared too. With everything going on with me I thought you would think I was too much to deal with.'
'I wouldn't have…,' Delia sighed, 'you know I wouldn't have pushed for this like I did if I didn't really want this, Pats.'
'I know,' Patsy said, hooking her finger under Delia's chin. She wanted to make sure she was looking her in the eye when she said this, 'and I want this, too. Just like you. And, you know it's not easy for me to open up to someone,' Patsy smiled kindly, 'You think I'm going to give up on you that quick? After everything we've been through these past few days?'
Delia's lip quivered, and she shook her head.
'I think you're very much worth the effort, Delia, and I like you too much to just give up so easily,' Patsy said as Delia pulled her close once more and tucked her head into the crook of Patsy's shoulder again.
'I like you too,' Delia said, her voice muffled from her mouth being pressed against Patsy's coat.
Patsy took a deep breath and sighed.
'You know what I like about you most of all?' she asked.
'What's that?'
'Your hair smells like bacon.'
Delia hushed her, unable to control the smile that spread across her face as she playfully swatted at Patsy.
'I made breakfast while you were away,' Delia said, her hands coming to her face to wipe away her stray tears.
'Mmhmm,' Patsy said as she moved to cup Delia's face in her hands and kiss her tears, 'and from the way your hair smells I know it will be delicious,' she playfully took a lock of Delia's hair with her lips and gently pulled, humming appreciatively.
Delia laughed and playfully batted her away, 'Hey now, if you're hungry there's food in the house.'
'But what if I want to nibble on something else,' Patsy replied, pulling Delia close to her and gently grazing her teeth on a spot on Delia's neck under her ear that had the smaller woman screaming delightfully.
'Pats!' Delia cried out with a laugh.
Delia gently pushed Patsy's away, and the two shared a laugh as Delia caught her breath. Once they calmed down, Delia grasped Patsy's hands with hers and held them in between their bodies.
'So… are we ok?' Delia asked, looking up at Patsy shyly.
Patsy nodded.
'We're still figuring this out, alright?' Patsy started, taking a deep breath, 'Everyone goes through this part, don't they? We're going to make mistakes and we're going to fight, and that's alright. We had a fight this morning and look at us,' she took a step back and held out their hands, as if to prove a point, 'we came back together. We worked it out.'
Delia gave a tentative smile and nodded in agreement, 'I suppose that's a good sign, hmm?'
'I think so,' Patsy said.
Delia's smile grew enough to show off those dimples that had Patsy swooning as the smaller woman turned in her heel and gently guided Patsy back inside the cabin where they shared a hot breakfast with tea.
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The two women sat at the kitchen table, sipping on fresh hot mugs of tea as they chatted and nibbled on bacon and toast. Patsy was feeling relieved and relaxed that they had been able to work out their issue without her throwing a tantrum like she had done the other day.
Well, a tantrum in front of Delia anyway, Patsy thought back on that poor shovel with a sigh. She made a mental note to herself to add that to the list of things she needed to address when they returned to London. Figuring out how to reign in her temper so she didn't have an outburst like that again.
'Pats,' Delia said, pulling Patsy from her thoughts, 'I think… I think I can do it.'
'You can do it?' Patsy asked, raising an inquiring eyebrow.
'Spank you, I mean,' she licked her lips, her brows furrowing in thought, 'like… I still feel bad for reacting the way I did this morning and… well, I mean, the more I think about it, the more I think actually doing it and seeing you get pleasure from it would help me get over…' Delia waived her hands around as if she were searching for the right words, 'I don't know, whatever preconceived anxieties I have over it.'
Patsy smirked, 'Really? You'd be willing to try this for me?'
'Of course I would, and I guess… I don't mind leaving your bum a little red at the end of the day, but I also don't want to hurt you, you know? I mean, you may know what your boundaries are, but I don't.'
'Shall I bend over now for you to test your strength or would you like me to clear the table first?' Patsy chuckled.
Delia grinned smartly, crossing her arms, 'Oh no. Only naughty girls get spankings and you haven't earned it yet.'
'Fair point,' Patsy quipped as she sipped her tea, feeling her ears turn red, 'so something naughty, hmm?' she asked, her mind starting to churn with ideas.
'That's right,' Delia nodded, 'but besides spanking, I want to know what you think you would be alright with, because if we start to play I want to at least stick to the boundaries you've set.'
Patsy looked away, blushing at Delia's use of the word 'play'. They iwere/i playing, weren't they. This was a game and they were setting the rules so everyone involved had fun.
'So you're letting me make the rules then?' Patsy asked.
'Pats, that's exactly what you've been doing this whole time,' Delia replied as she blew on her tea.
Patsy blinked. Had she? Her thoughts turned to the night before. Delia certainly told her what to do, but it dawned on Patsy that by consistently asking for permission to do what she wanted, she was able to let Delia iknow/i what she wanted, to let Delia guide her and not take the risk of doing anything she wouldn't like or would upset her.
'Huh. Suppose you're right,' Patsy said.
'You would do well to assume-,'
'That you're always right,' Patsy finished for her with a playful eye roll, 'Yes, yes, you've made that clear.'
Delia chuckled.
'Well… Delia I've honestly never done anything like this before,' Patsy started uncertainty, 'planning something out like this…'
'Me neither,' Delia said, smiling reassuringly, 'which is why I need you to tell me what you want.'
'But I don't iknow/i what I want,' Patsy huffed, 'what… what, um, kinds of things do iyou/i want to do to me?' She asked shyly.
Delia tilted her head from side to side, looking as if she was considering something.
'How do you feel about hair pulling?' Delia asked.
'I'm alright with it,' Patsy narrowed her eyes, 'do you know how to pull hair properly?'
Delia uncrossed her arms and leaned forward, reaching up to grab a fistful of Patsy's hair from the base and pull the taller woman towards her. Patsy closed her eyes and let out a surprised gasp.
'Like this?' Delia asked with a hint of cheek in her tone.
Patsy let out a sigh, her eyes squeezing shut tight at the painful pleasure, 'Alright, yup. Just like that,' she breathed.
Delia released her grip with a smug smirk and Patsy sat back in her seat, running her fingers through her hair, her heart fluttering. The simple act of having her hair pulled at the kitchen table had her excited and she couldn't stop the small smile that spread across her face. She was looking forward to what else Delia had in mind for her.
'So, what else?' Patsy asked.
'Choking?'
'Choking?!' Patsy exclaimed, nearly spitting out her tea.
Alright so maybe not looking forward to everything.
'What? Some people like it,' Delia shrugged.
'Seriously?!' Patsy said, sounding aghast, 'Delia, do you want to choke me!?'
'Sometimes,' Delia grinned, narrowing her eyes, and Patsy could tell she meant not in a sexual way, 'and anyway, Pats, we're in the judgement free zone here,' Delia said extending her arms out, 'I'm declaring this kitchen a judgement free zone. I'm merely suggesting things because I don't know what you would be willing to try.'
Patsy shook her head, 'Well that's a hard no for me on that one,' she said firmly.
Delia chuckled, 'Very well then. How about being tied up?'
Patsy paused for a moment, really thinking about being bound while Delia did things to her. Something about not being able to move her arms or legs made her feel anxious. She wanted to have free motion of her limbs in case something didn't feel right. She wanted to be able to see and hear Delia, too.
'Um… I don't want to say no, but I think I'd need some time to work up to that. The thought of not being able to move my hands, it just… makes me feel a bit uncomfortable,' she said as she watched Delia nod in acknowledgment, 'also blindfolded. I don't think I'm ready for something like that yet.'
'Alright. We'll keep it to hair pulling and spanking for now then,' Delia mused to herself, swirling her tea in her mug.
Patsy took a deep breath, 'This is…,' she sipped her tea and gave a shy smile, 'this is the first time I've ever had a conversation like this,' she looked at Delia curiously, 'and you're OK with this?'
'Pats, I'm absolutely OK with it,' Delia smiled, showing her dimples, and Patsy felt a little relieved, 'I iwant/i to do this for you, because well, I do feel bad about how I reacted this morning. If it had been anyone else I wouldn't have had that reaction, you know? I don't think any of this is weird, really. I'm… I don't know, I'd be pretty much alright with doing anything just so long as we're both OK with it. I want this to be a fun and sexy experience for the both of us, so it's important we talk about it beforehand like this, you know?'
'Right,' Patsy nodded in agreement, failing miserably at hiding her smile behind her mug of tea. The anticipation of what they were planning was getting her excited, and she wondered what Delia was going to do, what she was going to say.
'And you'll tell me if I do anything you don't like? If I do something that takes it too far?' Delia asked.
'You mean like have a safe word?' Patsy say up straight in her seat, raising an eyebrow, 'Is that what we're doing?'
'Well we're certainly toeing that territory, yeah,' Delia responded with a shrug.
Patsy blinked, 'Huh. I suppose we are.'
'So what do you suggest? Something that's completely random and would take both of us out of the moment if things go too far?'
Patsy could think of only one thing that would completely turn her off.
'Donald Trump.'
Delia faked retching and Patsy laughed.
'Pats, I said take us out of the moment, not have me running to the toilet to throw up!''
Patsy continued to laugh as Delia mumbled, 'I'd need a safe word for that safe word, sheesh…'
Patsy sighed once Delia had calmed down, 'How about we stick to something simple? Like… green, yellow, red?'
'I like that idea much better,' Delia said with a relieved sigh.
Patsy put down her mug of tea and bit her lip shyly as she looked over to Delia, the smaller woman smiling back at her mischievously, looking Patsy over with half lidded eyes. Patsy watched as Delia rose from her seat and took the two paces towards her and moved to straddle her, Patsy automatically wrapping her arms around Delia back and hips to hold her steady as she settled in her lap.
Delia wrapped her arms around Patsy's shoulders and ran her fingers through her red hair, looking as if she were about to kiss her, but she stopped.
'Pats, I need you to promise me something,' Delia said.
'What's that?'
'I don't even want to begin unless I know you're in a completely relaxed and anxiety free state of being. I don't want to start something unless you're all here with me, you know?'
Patsy nodded, pulling Delia close to her as she closed her eyes and nuzzled her nose and lips against Delia's neck.
'I promise,' Patsy said softly, sighing as the feeling of Delia's fingers through her hair made a pleasant shiver go down her neck.
She pulled away slightly so she could look at Delia.
'I can come to you, when I'm ready.'
'Alright,' Delia said, a slight blush feathering her cheeks, 'and what are you going to do to help you relax before we start?'
'Well, we're leaving in the morning, aren't we?' she said as she looked around, 'I feel like it wouldn't be right if we left without cleaning and running the sheets through the laundry and all that.'
'I suppose you're right,' Delia said with a disappointed sigh, 'though I hate to think we spend our last day here mostly cleaning.'
'Sweetie,' Patsy said with a smile, 'I can absolutely take care of it myself. It's not a big job at all, especially after what I accomplished on Saturday.'
'Are you sure?' Delia asked with a raised eyebrow.
'Positive,' Patsy said as she hugged Delia tighter and pressed her lips against Delia's in a searing kiss, leaving the smaller woman in her arms rather breathless, 'besides, I know you'll make I up to me later,' she whispered playfully.
With a smile, Delia captured Patsy's lips with hers again and the two shared several more deep kisses, their mouths eventually moving to graze over jawlines and necks, nibbling on earlobes and teasingly biting exposed shoulders. Patsy gave Delia one more sweet kiss before she bit her lip mischievously.
'Hold on,' she said, and she felt Delia's grip around her shoulders tighten as she grasped a firm hold under Delia's bum, the woman in her arms giggling and hitching her ankles behind Patsy's back as she stood.
The two laughing playfully the whole time, Patsy carried Delia to the bedroom where she ungracefully dropped her on the bed, and they carried on with where they had left off earlier that morning, becoming a tangled mess of arms and legs and laughing the whole time while they stopped to kiss and say sweet nothings before they parted for the time being to carry on with their last day together there in the cabin.