Candles in the Darkness

Azula had been lost in the dark for countless eternities, and saw an endless stretch of darkness before her.

Her world consisted of only three things. The first was the darkness, heavy and rough as stone, which draped over her world and her sight and her body, and seeped into her ears and eyes and mouth to drown her mind. Her brain was a fortress, a keep deep within the heart of enemy territory, which was under siege. The second aspect of her world was the voice, the heavy and droning voice, that rode the waves of darkness into her mind and worked away at the fortress walls like armies of wraiths and war spirits and things she couldn't even imagine. The legions of the voice scraped at the substance of her brain and drilled holes into its sides, so that the freezing darkness could flood through and soak her to the marrow of her bones.

The third thing was the lantern, and even though the light pushed at the darkness, it was still an enemy. It was by the steady comings and goings of the light in front of her face that she could sense the passage of time. It was much like the sun in the that way, except the lantern did not have the strength to cast away all the darkness, and it had waxed and waned so many times that Azula could only despair of rescue coming, for if it were possible then surely it would have happened one of these centuries.

She suspected that the lantern was an agent of the darkness, a shadow that had inverted itself simply to mock her.

Azula sat in the dark, bound to a shade of night that could have been a stone chair for all its roughness and lack of comfort, and cowered deep within the castle of her mind while the legions of the voice hammered away at its walls. The hammering drove all cleverness from her, leaving her to simply curl up within her brain and futilely cover her ears against the hammering.

She knew she couldn't hold out.

She would have to accept the voice, believe what it said, and do it homage.

She would have to bow to the dark and admit that it would always cover her life.

The only question was if Azula would be able to preserve any sense of self once the assault was done.

She suspected the answer would soon ring across her being, and it would be a harsh rasping, "No."

Meisai had lost track of time in captivity, but not her ambitions.

She woke up in a wooden cart smelling of dust and the road. Her senses were obscured, and as the fog cleared from her mind she realized that it was because a black bag had been drawn over her head. It kept out light and muffled sound, but it could not stop Meisai's perception. She was a soldier of the Fire Nation, and although she had betrayed her country, she still had the training and skills of the greatest military in all of history. Her hands and legs were bound with ropes, but her mind was free.

The cart itself was easy enough to figure out. It rattled heavily around her, all wooden noise, so it must be traveling through rough countryside. Nothing pressed against her but the wooden slats at her back, so she was the cart's only cargo. Or so it seemed. "F- fahhh," she tried to say. Her tongue was thick in her mouth and everything was dry, but a little thing like that wasn't going to stop her. "Fff- Fffah-ther?"

"Shut up back there!" The voice came through the wall behind her, but it was not obscured by anything but the bag over her head. There had to an opening in the wall of the cart, then. So she was being observed, but they didn't care that she was awake. This was either going to be very good or very bad.

Next, she tried to stoke her Inner Fire and summon at least a feeling of heat within herself. It shouldn't have been hard, as the air was warm and dry around her, but she still had difficulty. Fire required fuel, and though she would have Qi as long as she had life, she hadn't been eating properly since... well, since she had been taken captive, whenever that was.

The memories of her captivity coalesced to fill the void in her vision. One night she had gone to sleep in her cabin on the Hidden Gem, and the next day she had woken up in a stone cell without a window. A heavy metal door covered the only opening, and the only thing that came through that door were armored Earthbenders carrying trays of food and empty chamberpots. They hadn't asked her anything, hadn't made a sound at all, and the only way Meisai could even tell they were coming was when the floor suddenly opened up to swallow her feet and keep her from even thinking of escaping.

They had fed her rice and water, and only just enough to avoid sickness. They didn't want her Firebending, even that far from the sun.

The only time she had left the cell was when she had been used against Suki...

Azula.They had called her Azula.

Meisai's captivity hadn't lasted long after that. The final time the door had opened, an Earthbender guard carried something other than the usual necessities. He had a black bag that he had forced over her head, and Meisai had barely drawn her first breath of the odd-smelling air within before she lost consciousness.

And now she was in a cart in undeveloped country. Like she said, either very good or very bad. The fact that she was alive was already a good sign.

After a short time, the cart came to a halt. Across from Meisai, a creaking door was yanked open with a rattle that was partially metal- the door must have had a bolt on it- and a body hoisted itself inside. Meisai's body was the next thing hoisted as her captor grabbed her by her tunic and pulled her out the door. She had a brief sensation of flying before the hard dusty ground welcomed her home. Pain jolted through the shoulder that had taken the brunt of the landing and then settled down to a meaty ache. So, probably bruised, not dislocated or broken.

Then a second impact hit the ground beside her, and the sound of her father's cry pierced through the bag over her head. He was alive! And at her side!

Then the cart rattled away, leaving Meisai blinded and bound in the open country.

Under the shining sun.

She steadied her breathing and gave in to her anger at her captors, people who had stolen her out of her life in order to manipulate another woman. A woman who Meisai had taught and befriended. She focused on the anger, and connected it to the warm feel of the sun on her skin, then pumped the intangible concoction into her Qi and summoned that energy in the hands bound behind her back.

Her stomach growled, but a series of small flames ignited along the edges of her fingers. That was all she need; the ropes were strong, but burned quickly. Soon enough, Meisai's arms were free and she was tearing the bag off her head. She didn't even bother burning off the ropes around her ankles before dragging herself to the body next to her and freeing her father. He looked worn and exhausted, but he smiled at her when his eyes adjusted to the sunlight.

They were free.

Free.

Ty Lee had never come to the Fire Nation by eelhound before. It made the homecoming strange but exhilarating. She loved new experiences. Too bad this one was probably going to be a downer.

Sokka was intent on heading straight for the Fire Palace, and Ty Lee didn't disagree. She had no real desire to go home. That wasn't to say she disliked seeing her parents or her sisters, even though she didn't want to live with them, but explaining what was going on would have been too hard. Or maybe it was admitting everything that was hard. Ty Lee hadn't felt guilty about helping Azula when Sokka had first proposed his plan, or anytime on Kyoshi Island, but after the deception had fallen apart and Azula herself had accused Ty Lee of betraying her, she was a lot less sure about everything.

Everyone was unsure about everything. Ty Lee had never seen such a collection of ugly auras since Ozai was Fire Lord.

Sokka brought the eelhound right to the gates of the palace, and the guards waved them through without hesitation. They were escorted quickly through the palace, but not to the throne room. Ty Lee knew the way there by heart, but this time her path led in a direction she knew a small number of frightening childhood excursions: they were headed towards the basement.

Although it lacked light, Ty Lee didn't fear the stone basement now that she was an adult. It was really used mainly for storage, for things that needed a dry and cool place. As a child, with Azula telling her about all kinds of tortured Spirits that were supposed to live down there, every shadowy shape had been a potential horror, but now Ty Lee recognized them as casks of wine and cuts of meat and other mundane items that were no scarier than a dinner banquet. (Which could pretty scary in its own right, sometimes.) The guards brought Ty Lee and Sokka to a closed room deep in the labyrinth of the basement, at the end of a straight hallway, and they found Zuko waiting for them beside the door.

When he spoke, he sounded a little out of breath, like he had run to beat them there. "You got my message."

"Two days ago," Sokka said. "We didn't even stop to sleep. Ty and I took turns napping in the saddle."

Yeah, that hadn't been fun, but Zuko's note had sounded important. Ty lee ran a hand through her short hair as she recalled it. It said that Zuko had recovered, from one of the former colonies, a body that people had believed was Azula's. It turned out not be her somehow, but there was still something about it that he wanted Sokka to check out, and they had to hurry. Ty Lee couldn't imagine what could be so intriguing, but she had an awful twisty-stomach feeling about it. Zuko's aura was a very dark blue, almost mud colored, and Ty Lee had never seen him more afraid. Not even when he had returned to his father as a Prince of the Fire Nation and claimed to have killed the Avatar. (Zuko and Aang were friends now. That was good. Despite everything else, they were still friends.)

"So," she said, "what did you want us to look at?"

Zuko lowered his gaze, and his face went green. Not aura-green, his skin actually went a little green like he was ill. "It's hard to describe. Sokka should see it for himself. We've been keeping the body preserved down here, but it's good you got here quickly. I don't know how much longer we could have kept it as... viable evidence."

Sokka grimaced. "Wonderful. Well, we're here now, let's get this over with."

Zuko didn't move. "Um, maybe just Sokka should look?"

Ty Lee blinked in surprise. "Why?"

Sokka's face twisted like he already knew the answer, but Zuko just turned his head to hide the unscarred side of his face and said, "It's... um, not a pleasant sight. I'm not trying to disrespect you, but... but I think you would really be better off not seeing something like that. I know I would have been."

Ty Lee thought about arguing it, but then gave a sigh and nodded her agreement. Zuko knew her well enough, and it's not like she had any real purpose here. Sokka was the smart one, the one Zuko wanted to look at things and get all thinky about them. Ty Lee was just a helper.

A sidekick.

As the boys passed through the door, a chill wind escaped from room beyond, and Ty Lee shivered as she sat down to wait and leaned against the wall.

Once Meisai and Father had stood up and looked around, they discovered a town on the horizon. The cart that had carried them out here was nowhere to be seen, but the town was only a short walk down a stretch of 'road' that was nothing more than a strip of dirt only slightly less rocky than the land around it. Sadly, Meisai hadn't been wearing shoes when she had been kidnapped out of her bed in the middle of the night, and her captors hadn't seen fit to provide them. But then, they had let her go, so they were still surprisingly accommodating for criminals and agitators.

The town had a healing house, thankfully, and the matron who ran it took them in, immediately given them something to eat and drink, provided beds to rest in, and treated their scrapes, sores, and cuts. As the old woman had moved away to let them sleep, Meisai raised a hand and asked, "Can I have a knife?"

The old woman let her face go slack. "Whatever for, dear?"

"My hair. I like it shorter. It grew while I was locked up."

The old woman had eyed Meisai's hair, which was only just long enough to start sticking up in places, but she said nothing. She fetched a small blade and gave it to Meisai before closing a curtain around the pair of beds. That was a better reaction than her choice of appearance usually got.

The former soldier didn't even try to sleep. She could rest while awake, but she needed the time to think. And cut her hair.

Father watched while she worked, and when he spoke, it was in a soft voice that wasn't quite a whisper. "You're not thinking about going after them, are you?"

"Going after who?"

"The guys who kidnapped us. They let us go, for whatever reason, and we're free and in the clear. We should try to get back and see if our ship is still docked. That's our whole life, that boat. We have to look out for it."

Meisai said nothing, and sliced off another clump of hair.

Father sat up in his bed, and continued, "I know, it doesn't feel right leaving pirates like that out in the world, but there's nothing we can do. We don't know who they were, we don't know what they want, and we don't know where they are. It's like the folk you... you ran with when you left the Fire Army. We have to be smart about this."

Finally satisfied with what she could feel of her hair, Meisai put the scalpel down on the table next to her bed and laid back, but she couldn't bring herself to close her eyes and try to sleep.

Father took a deep breath before speaking again. "And don't think we have any debt to that... to her. She said her name was Suki, but they called her Azula back in that room. The Fire Princess. The Mad Banisher. The Conqueror of Ba Sing Se. And the fires on Kyoshi Island were blue when they fell out of the sky, is what the crowd was saying. She lied about everything. She hurt all those people. She sold us a bum cargo, and that cargo was herself. She can rot in that prison for all I care."

Meisai let all the breath ease out of her lungs, and shut her eyes against the light.

The door flew open like it had been kicked, and Sokka stumbled out into the hallway. Ty Lee opened her mouth to ask what Zuko had shown him, but before she could get the first word out, Sokka bent over and vomited all over the floor.

Ty Lee squeaked in surprise and leaped to her feet, but Sokka ignored her. He heaved again, retching so hard that it sounded painful.

Zuko emerged from the room at that point, his good eye widening when he saw what was going on. His face was also, to Ty Lee's eye, pale and drawn. Whatever was in that room must not be pleasant at all. Ty Lee wasn't sure if she was glad she hadn't looked or sick with guilt that she knew herself to be too weak.

There were other things she could do, though. She unhesitatingly walked over to the Sokka and, paying no attention to his vomiting, leaned over him and began rubbing his back. "It's okay. Just breathe. Breathe."

She threw a glance at Zuko, and after a moment he managed to get a hold of himself and nodded. "I'll get some servants to clean this up. Just... um... just..."

"We'll just sit down here," Ty Lee finished for him. Sokka had stopped being sick, and subsided into quiet gagging. Ty Lee tightened her arm around his shoulders, led him over to where she had been sitting against the wall, and lowered him into a comfortable position on the floor. She rubbed his back again in silence while Zuko ran off for help.

She didn't rush Sokka. She didn't push. She did rip off a piece of the circus outfit she was wearing, one of the dangly dark pink triangles that hung from her waist, and used it to wipe Sokka's mouth, but she didn't speak at all. Her presence was enough for now, and he would release the poison in his heart when he was ready.

Soon enough, Sokka found a way to explain. "We looked at her skull. This woman. She- she looked just like Azula, but I could tell she was someone else. It was hard, though. She was... there were burns all over her. Awful burns.The bone was visible and- and it was hard to see she wasn't Azula at first, and the burns on her face-"

His voice cut off in another gag, and Ty Lee moved her hand to his shoulder. "It's okay," she whispered.

He swallowed several times, and then began speaking again. "It was the bone Zuko wanted me to look at. The parts of her skull that were visible were... weird. I've seen plenty of bone from all the hunting I've done. Her skull didn't look like real bone. It was like... like an Earthbender had taken dirty white sand and compressed it into the shape of a skull without smoothing it up. It looked like I could have shattered it with a tap of my boomer- ulk..." Another set of gagging overtook him.

Ty Lee waited again, but he didn't resume speaking before a palace servant appeared with a mop and began working at the mess on the floor. Sokka watched him with dull fascination, going very still, and Ty Lee decided that he shouldn't spend so much time in his own mind right now. "So what does that all mean? That's what Zuko wanted you to see, right? So you could figure out why."

Sokka nodded heavily, and turned to look at Ty Lee with eyes that were starting to water. "I have absolutely no idea what to make of it," he rasped. "This- this is awful. Suki is out there, and everyone is trying to kill her, and... and I can't figure out the clues that I have. I saw a mess of a human body with random parts of its face burned away and what looked like an indentation of a thumb in the bone and I'm too young and naive to even understand what that means. Everyone, they... they all think I'm smart. They think that I can look at all the things they've shown to their advisers and kings and wise men and I can just... figure it out. Figure out what no one else in the world can."

Ty Lee smiled and squeezed his shoulder gently. "They told me you were 'The Plan Guy,' when Zuko and Mai first introduced me to you after the war. They really respect you."

Sokka nodded, but the tears didn't stop forming in his eyes. "They think I'm some kind of genius, and always look to me when things get really bad. I try, but I can't do it. I'm- I'm clever enough to outsmart a bunch of bored soldiers, but... I'm not... smart enough. I couldn't save Yue and… no one is as smart as they all think I am. So they show me these things, and Azula is gone, and the only thing I can think of is that she could be all burned up just like that poor woman in there and no one will ever know. I could have already failed her. Because I don't know how to find her, and I ran off anyway like an idiot. I fell for my own reputation. And that's the stupidest thing I've ever done."

Ty Lee wanted to deny that, to tell him how brave he was for knowing that Suki- Azula- needed rescuing instead of hunting, but Sokka spoke again before she could find the words. "I'm not who everyone thinks I am. I'm not who I thought I was. I'm a lie. Just like Suki. I'm a lie and I forced her to be a lie, too. And that's why really why the whole thing fell apart. The universe loves irony."

He turned away, and the tears finally fell from his eyes.

The walls of Azula' fortress were coming down, and she was ready to surrender.

She no longer had any hope of surviving the assault. At this point, alone in the darkness and surrounded by enemies, the only hope she had left was that she would survive this torture. Every word that the voice spoke hammered at her will to resist, and when one punched a hole through the resistance, it rushed into her and stabbed her right in the heart. As each word made its way within, another blade of night cleaved her being. She was lying like a tattered rag on the floor, slowly losing more and more of herself, and she swore that if she were allowed to exist she would do whatever the voice wanted, become its willing and happy pawn, but please don't make her into Nothing please please please please-

Another word marched up and stabbed deep within her. Kuei. Another word marched up and stabbed deep within her. Fifty-second. Another word marched up and stabbed deep within her. Bosco. Another word marched up and stabbed deep within her. Long Feng. Another word marched up and stabbed deep within her. Dai Li. Another word marched up and stabbed deep within her. Dong Min. Another word marched up and stabbed deep within her. Corrective behavioral therapy. Another word marched up and stabbed deep within her. Lake Laogai. Another word marched up and stabbed deep within her. Ozai. Another word marched up and stabbed deep within her. Ursa. Another word marched up and stabbed deep within her. Suki. Another word marched up and stabbed deep within her. Amnesty.

Azula sobbed and offered her life and her love, but the words kept coming like a wave of shadows consuming everything. She was alone in the night, and feared to look for herself, lest there be too little light to see by.

This was the end.

Ty Lee nodded at Sokka's words, but that wasn't to say she agreed with them. She spoke softly as he she continued to rub his back. "I know what you mean. Really, it comes down to Identity, you know? That's how people label things. We come up with names, and nicknames, and reputations, and we fit everyone into those words so that we can understand each other. The Plan Guy. Circus Freak. Even stuff like Avatar and Fire Lord. And our names! People say, 'Who are you?' and we say, 'I am Sokka,' or, 'I am Ty Lee,' or 'I am Nobody.' People use them to limit each other, and if we aren't careful we fall into that same trap and we use them to lock ourselves in cages, like an animal in the circus."

Ty Lee sighed long and heavily. "Those cages are our bad thoughts. Expectations. Getting too full of ourselves. Even just spending too much time on the stuff we think we're good at and ignoring whatever else we might be able to do, if we just gave it a try. We think, 'Well, if everyone says that I'm just silly Ty Lee, then maybe I'm nothing but silly Ty Lee.' And I try every day to be the best silly Ty Lee I can be, and that seems to keep everyone happy."

Lifting her hand from Sokka's back, she reached over and tugged his chin so that he faced her. She smiled, and continued, "But you're not happy, Sokka. You're getting crushed by your Identity. I can see it, you know. It's a beautiful identity, but it's wrapped over your shoulders and it's dragging you to the floor. But I know that's just junk. Everyone had something to say about you. Zuko and Mai, your sister, the other Kyoshi Warriors. They all have an Identity for you, but when you put it all together, you get this wonderful person who is bigger than it any little piece of it. You thought you were just a warrior back in the South Pole, right?"

Slowly, he gave a nod.

Ty Lee nodded back. "But then you discovered that you were a good friend, and a really smart guy, and a leader. You grew beyond your old Identities, and you can grow beyond the ones you have now. I grew beyond just being another spoiled rich girl, into a happy circus freak, into an unhappy hero of the Fire Nation, then a Kyoshi Warrior who actually helps keep people safe, and now I don't even know what I am."

Sokka stared into her eyes, and finally spoke. "You," he whispered, "are the best friend Azula ever had. And one of my best friends."

Ty Lee felt her face warm. "And you're the man who saved Azula's life. Plus, one of my favorite people. But that's just more for you to grow beyond. Let it all go! Don't worry about what everyone wants you to do, or what you think they expect you to do. Or what you expect yourself to do. That's when you'll figure out what's really needed, because you really want to save Azula again, and we're too beautiful and complicated to sit here and worry when there's still a way."

He stared at her, and there might have been a little light deep in his gaze.

Meisai opened her eyes, and met Father's stare. "I knew who she was. Not her name, but that she was the one who attacked Kyoshi Island. I figured it out by the time we got to the colonies." Father started to say something, but Meisai cut him off. "I could see the guilt in her eyes, and hear it in her voice. Even while she was lying she was telling the truth about how she thought the person who did it was a monster." She tapped her own chest, and continued, "I used to be a soldier for the Fire Nation, and thought I was saving the world. Now, my own Fire Lord says I was a deluded fool who was killing the world. Even after I first heard that, I didn't get it, and started working for people who were up front about how they were hurting people who didn't deserve all the pain we were forcing on them. Now I'm hiding from it all and trying to find a way so that none of it bothers me."

Father's eyebrows drooped as she spoke, and he shook his head vigorously. "No, stow that garbage. We all make mistakes, but you realized what you were doing and stopped. You're not hiding, I'm giving you a home. I'll always give you a home, as long as you're alive. I know I weren't there for you as a kid, but I- I-"

Meisai smiled at her father, and sat up so that she could reach over and take his hand. "F- Daddy. You've been wonderful. You accepted me without even a frown. And that's what we need to do for Suki, or Azula, or whatever she wants to be called. She lied, yeah, but she wasn't making up the sound of her voice, or the way her Inner Fire felt when I trained her. Maybe she made some bad mistakes, but she doesn't want to hurt people, and those thugs who kidnapped us want to hurt her. And she doesn't have anyone else in the world to help her. Maybe she won't accept us, but we're the only ones now who can offer her a home. I have to try. You don't have to..."

She trailed off as she saw her Father's face grow tighter and tighter, and she really thought he was going to ask her to leave him out of it, but then he sat up in his bed and said, "How are we going to find her?"

"They mentioned Ba Sing Se, when they were using us to make her surrender. That's where they're sending her."

Father sighed and nodded. "Then that's where we'll have to look. I've been to those docks. But we'll need a ship if we want to get there quickly. We'll look for the Hidden Gem, and if it isn't still where we left it, we'll find berth on something else. But we'll try."

Meisai finally leaned back and let the tension ease out of her. "Thank you."

"I can't say no when my daughter asks me for something. Wouldn't be right."

Sokka swallowed and wiped his eyes. "Thanks. I needed to hear that. And I thought Katara was into the hopey-happy speeches."

Ty Lee couldn't keep a giggle from popping out of her mouth. "She doesn't have to worry about competition. I'm just being Silly Ty Lee again."

Sokka smiled back, and was about to say something more when his face suddenly went slack and his gaze lost focus. "Wait."

"What?"

He didn't respond, didn't act like he even heard her. Sokka just stood up, closed his eyes, and cradled his head in his hands.

Ty Lee waited, and tried not to let her worry show on her face.

After an eternity, Sokka's eyes flicked open again. "I'm getting it. All the little bits, all the clues, they're forming a picture."

"A picture of what?" Ty Lee hopped to her feet and clapped her hands together. "You know where to find Suki?"

"No." Sokka said it flatly, and his gaze was still aimed somewhere that Ty Lee couldn't even comprehend. "I don't have any idea what it's a picture of, but... it's a picture. I can tell that now. There are some lines and dots scattered over a big empty space, and I just realized that if I connect them right, I'll get a picture. I can see that there's a picture now. Dai Li, Dong Min, Azula imposters, the colonies, and Azula herself. Dots and lines. I just need to fill it in. And I know where the blank spots are now."

"Okay. So, how do we do that?"

"Data! I need data! I can't make... things... without... other things. I need more information!"

Ty Lee waved in his face, and when Sokka's eyes finally focused on her, she said, "How do we get that?"

Sokka finally smiled. "Zuko is going to write a letter for me."

Help, Azula moaned from the deepest darkness that had ever existed. The words, the entire army of words, reformed into a massive crushing voice. It had combined with the shadows to make a single imposing presence that felt like Death itself. She was lost in a sea of nothingness, and she could feel that any moment now she would collapse under the pressure into a pinprick of nothingness herself. Soon, even the name of 'Azula' would be worthless, for there would be nothing that 'Azula' could possibly mean.

Goodbye, she said from the edge of the void. She had no choice about accepting her fate, but a Princess surrenders with Honor. Dad… Zuko... Sokka... Mom... good... b-

The darkness and the voice pressed down together, and for an instant, she thought she was gone.

Then a light flared, golden in color, and pierced the shadow through its dark heart.

The shaft of light rained down on Azula, and she realized that she was still alive. There was still an Azula. Her body and mind had not been purged of will. She looked up into the light, and a smile grew on her face. Thank you. But how can this be?

At her plea, she felt the light grow warmer, and it was like being in her mother's arms all over again.

Everything is going to be all right, Azula. I couldn't stop the dark from laying its traps, but together we will get through them. Just trust me. You have strengths and depths you never realized.

Azula could feel, instinctively, that she could trust this ray of beautiful light, but she could not deny her controlling nature. Please, what is going on?

The light grew wider, brighter, and lifted Azula up out of the eternity of darkness.

My name is Suki, and I'm here to rescue you.

TO BE CONTINUED