Before she left, Patsy had decided to make a standing appointment with Tony on her days off, and they bid each other a polite 'until next time' as she headed out the door. She left the office feeling rather rejuvenated, thinking that it was nice for a change to have someone she could talk to that could empathize with her about her background, and about things she couldn't talk to anyone else about, especially about Delia.

There was only one other person alive that Patsy could think of that had any idea about her life. That had any shared experience with her at all, and the thought of that person carried her feet for several blocks until Patsy looked up at her surroundings and found herself in an neighborhood with marble rowhomes and pristine tree lined streets. She had walked to Chelsea, and looked upon a familiar home she hadn't seen with her own eyes in several years.

Patsy rested a hand on the steel gate that lined the property as she took in the appearance of the house. It was well kept, even in the winter like this, the garden in the front looked like it was well tended. She wondered if they still lived here. She wondered if maybe in the years that had gone past they had moved out of the city.

'Well as I live and breathe,' came a voice that Patsy recognized immediately.

Patsy turned her head to the sound of the voice and saw a woman approach. Long blonde hair fell around her shoulders, bundled up from the cold while she pushed a pram carrying a sleeping baby boy.

She looked just as Patsy remembered seeing her last.

'Sophie,' Patsy smiled at the sight of her sister.

Sophie blinked and let out a breath of air that she seemed to have been holding in, looking as if she couldn't believe Patsy was standing there in front of her.

'Pats…,' Sophie shook her head in disbelief, a breath escaping her lips that came out in a white cloud that disappeared around her head, 'What on Earth are you doing here? I haven't seen you since the wedding.'

Patsy sighed, looking down at the baby as a wave of guilt washed over her. She had apparently missed out on a lot in her sisters life in the three years since they last saw one another. Their relationship had divulged to the occasional birthday or Christmas card that revealed no personal information whatsoever about what was going on in the others life. The Mount family had fallen apart when they were young and neither she nor Sophie were ever particularly close as sisters, turning out to have vastly different personalities as they aged, Patsy being the misanthrope while Sophie was the funny, bubbly extroverted one. The only thing they really had in common was their shared background, and that the two had grown very good at concealing their true feelings.

'I was just around, I suppose,' Patsy said half-heartedly as she stuck her hands in her pockets, feeling shy and ashamed, 'and for some crazy reason I thought… well I don't know what I thought. I was thinking of you and thought it was about time I come round for a visit.'

'Oh,' Sophie sighed, exasperated, 'you just thought you would pop by, hmm? No word from you for ages and you just appear out of the blue. Everything always still on your terms, ey Pats?'

Patsy sighed, knowing her sister was right to be angry, so she remained silent.

The baby in the pram fussed and both Patsy and Sophie looked down at him.

'He's probably hungry,' Sophie said terse, thought causing slightly before speaking again, seeming to have made a decision to let Patsy visit with them, 'Why don't we go inside out of the cold? I'll make a cuppa?'

Patsy nodded with a hopeful smile and opened the gate for her sister, and followed her inside the house.

Sophie led Patsy to the kitchen where she was instructed to sit at the table in the corner. Patsy removed her coat and hung it on the back of her chair before she sat and silently observed her surroundings for what seemed like the hundredth time that day. The house was nice. From what she could see the kitchen was set up for cooking but it looked in such immaculate condition that Patsy didn't think anyone actually cooked in it. Stainless steel pots and pans hung from hooks in the ceiling, there were granite countertops and shiny appliances that didn't look like they were ever used.

Sophie put some water in the kettle as she held her son over her shoulder. She brought over a tin of biscuits and sat at the table across from Patsy as she opened her shirt and began breastfeeding her son, draping a flannel over her chest to cover herself.

'So,' she sighed as she settled in, forcing a smile, 'What have you been up to?'

'What have iI/i been up to!' Patsy asked, feeling rather shocked, 'Sophie, you've had a baby!'

'Seems so,' Sophie said, her expression souring.

Patsy's expression became completely confounded, 'Were you… were you ever going to even tell me? Tell me that you're a mum now? That I have a nephew?'

'I…,' Sophie started, looking away, her cheeks turning slightly pink as she worked to control her temper, 'Patsy, quite honestly I'm not sure why you're getting so worked up about it. Not once have you ever shown any interest in my life,' she glared at Patsy, shifting her son against her slightly, 'when you left after Gran died… I barely heard from you. Hardly ever sent a birthday card, never wanted to spend holidays together. You didn't want to be there for anything important that happened in my life,' she frowned, shrugging as she ticked off a few things, 'My 18th birthday. My uni graduation… and it was like pulling teeth to get you to come to my wedding. The wedding of your only sister, Pat's, and even then you left early. Didn't even stay for the reception because you said you were on call. You couldn't take one lousy day off to be there for me on my day? Your only sister? It meant so much to me that you were there Pat's. You're the only person on the planet who was there with me through… everything.'

Patsy remained silent, her finger in her mouth chewing frantically at a nail as she felt her anxiety grow, but she knew it as all true. She had been absolutely awful to her sister for over a decade and she deserved to hear it. She kept quiet and allowed Sophie to continue until she was done.

'Pats, I wanted to share so much with you. You know how hard I took mums death. The horrible way ihe/i treated her,' she seethed, Patsy knowing that neither of them have ever prefered to refer to the man that was married to their mother their father, 'It took years for me to learn to trust men again after all that, to trust someone enough to know they wouldn't treat me the same way.'

Sophie situated herself so she was covered again and threw a flannel over her shoulder. She gently placed her son on the flannel and began to gently rub his back.

'I don't know what I've ever done to you. I know we have our differences but I can't possibly think of anything I've ever done to you for you to dislike me so much. And after you just left my wedding… my one day where I could be around the people in my life that matter to me the most, whom I love with all my heart…. Including you… and you just… you just left. You just left and I realized you just… I felt like I had given you enough chances to… to… I don't know. I reckoned that you walking out was the last time I was ever going to see you. And I was angry with myself for thinking that my wedding would somehow make you different. Make you put someone else's needs before yours for once. I suppose I just wanted you to show me that I mattered to you. But you didn't. You were your same old self and you left.'

Patsy sighed, her heart weighing heavily in her chest as she looked at her sister through glazed eyes. She blinked back tears, her mind completely at loss of words, how to even begin to respond to that. Everything her sister had just admitted.

How could she be so selfish to have thought no one cared about her until recently when Sophie had been here the whole time.

The water bubbling noisily in the kettle broke her from her thoughts, and Patsy slowly rose from her place at the table, the wooden chair scraping noisily against the floor. She walked to the counter and poured the bubbling water into two mugs, steeping the English breakfast that was left out. Patsy returned to the table and placed the mugs between the two of them. When she looked back at her sister, Sophie was looking away, her face red. She looked as if she had been harshly wiping away her own tears while Patsy's back had been turned.

With another deep breath, her gaze focused on her fingers in her lap, Patsy finally spoke.

'I was in a bad place for a long time Sophie,' she started quietly, taking a moment to pause and think of her words before continuing, 'I never had a good sense of what it meant to be a good person. To be a good sister. To be part of a family that made me feel I belonged with them. That made me feel loved. I… I grew up into an adult that didn't know how to love myself… and didn't know how to love others-,'

'You weren't the only one, you know,' Sophie cut her off harshly, 'I was hit, too. I didn't turn out like you.'

'I know,' Patsy said sadly, 'and to be honest… I hate myself thinking what I could have done to protect you… to keep you from that.'

'That wasn't iyour/i job, Pats,' Sophie stressed, swallowing a lump in her throat before lowering her voice, 'and you know it. We were kids for Christ sake. Do you really think… do you think I've been holding ithat/i against you? After all this time?'

Her expression was ernest and she shook her head disbelievingly as she shifted her son in her arms, cradling him now as he yawned and stretched his balled fists out.

'And what do you mean when you say you didn't feel like you belonged?' Sophie continued, 'We're a family. I've always been proud that you were my sister… I don't know. It just seemed that right before Gran died you had changed. You were depressed and indifferent and you just… shut me out. Still to this day I wrack my brain wondering what happened. If it was something from our past or if I had done something…,' she trailed off, looking to Patsy hopefully.

Patsy shook her head, 'Sophie, no… it's entirely about me, alright? You've never done anything wrong. It's just… everything that happened when we were kids, and then living away from one another at school when Gran looked after us and just…' Patsy looked away and brought a hand to her mouth. Her heart was pounding frantically in her chest as she carefully thought out her next words. It was about time that Sophie knew, if she didn't already.

'Do you remember the summer I was away before my sixth form?' Patsy asked, looking to Sophie's face for any sign of recognition, 'When I had to transfer schools last minute?'

Sophie shrugged, 'Gran said you were at some sort of A-level prep course. Needed a bit of help with your maths or something.'

Patsy shook her head, feeling rather sad, 'You really… you never found out where I actually was, did you? Where she sent me?'

Sophie looked panicked, 'Why, what happened? Where were you?'

'The year before my last… I had a girlfriend. At school,' Patsy started slowly, still unsure exactly how Sophie would take the news of her being gay.

'A girlfriend?' Sophie repeated.

'Yes,' Patsy fidgeted somewhat in her seat and tried not to let her sisters surprised gaze affect her too much, 'As in a romantic love interest, not just a friend.'

Patsy chanced a look to her sister to gauge her reaction, and the younger woman remained stoic, yet enthralled. She took that as a sign to continue.

'Well, anyway, we were caught. She was pulled from school and sent elsewhere and I finished out the year before I was sent to that camp,' Patsy said bitterly, crossing her arms and leaning back in her chair, 'bombarded with propaganda, Bible study, how to live a good Christian heterosexual life…,' Patsy stopped to look at her sister, 'No offense.'

Sophie let out a strained laugh, 'Jesus Pats, none taken. I didn't think those things existed in the UK. You were really sent to one of ithose/i places?'

Patsy merely nodded, 'Yes. And I left with a warped sense of my self worth,' she said as she fidgeted with her fingers once more. Patsy stopped herself and grasped her mug of tea with both hands before she continued.

'Everything from the child abuse to that bloody therapy left me feeling pretty worthless as a human being, just a useless burden on our family and society in general. I was made my whole life to feel wrong. Like I was nothing special and I should just keep my head down and not have to pretend I had any self worth. Not trust any one. Push people away. Like I said, I never thought I was made to feel like I belonged in this family. Not as I was born. I grew to hate myself. I loathed everything about myself and my life up until that point and for years now I've been walking around feeling so empty on the inside. I've done nothing but bury myself in my work this last decade because it makes me feel useful. It makes me feel needed, and no one has to know what I'm really like. No one is judging me when I'm helping them heal or bringing new life into their world.'

Patsy took a moment to take a breath and sip her tea before she continued.

'And so… back then I shut you out, and honestly it was completely unintentional. I assure you, you did nothing to deserve it. It was mostly because I didn't feel like I was worth having around in your life when you seemed so… so much better off than me. So well adjusted. And straight. That damn camp made me feel like such a pariah that I just didn't think you would want me around anyway if you knew the truth about me, just like Gran.'

Patsy took another sip of tea and looked down to see that her nephew was staring at her with big blue eyes. The sight melted her heart a little and she felt more calm. She took another breath and set her tea down on the table before continuing.

'Then I watched you get married. You looked so happy that day. So beautiful. You had a new family who could be there for you and who could love you in a way that we never could. And I left thinking you were better off. You were finally with people who could love you in the way that you deserved.'

'Patsy,' Sophie interjected, looking pleadingly to Patsy, 'I don't care at all that you're gay. I don't care at all, and, oh God, all this time I thought it was you who wanted nothing to do with me for whatever reason, so I just stopped trying to reach out and now… God all this time,' she sniffed, 'Pats if.. if you think I could ever replace you as my family then you're wrong,' Sophie sniffed again as fat tears began to roll down her cheeks and off her chin, 'Pats…,' she started once more, clenching her teeth to suppress a sob, 'do you have any idea how much I've missed you?'

Sophie finally broke down and let out an aching sob, tucking her chin to her chest to try and hide herself.

Patsy pulled her chair forward and wrapped her arms around Sophie, enveloping her sister and her nephew in a tight embrace.

'I'm sorry,' Patsy breathed as she tucked her head into Sophie's shoulder, working to hold back her own tears, 'Sophie I'm so sorry. I'm here now. I promise. I'm here.'

Sophie took her free arm and wrapped it tight around Patsy's body, holding he close as she sobbed into Patsy's shoulder. Patsy held on tight as she let her sister cry, not caring that Sophie was soaking her shirt as memories of holding her like this when they were younger suddenly flashed through her mind. She squelched her feelings of anxiety that rose within her and tried hard to focus on her sister, on her grief.

No, Patsy thought, this wasn't grief. This was healing. For both of them.

The two sisters hugged tight for some time before Sophie's crying subsided, and the two finally pulled away, Patsy reaching over to wipe a few tears from her sisters cheek.

'I still have my problems, Sophie,' she said softly, 'but I'm taking the steps needed to make myself better for… for everyone. Including myself. And I mean it when I say I'm here. I want to be here for you and little…'

Patsy looked down at the blue eyes baby in her arms and realized her sister never told her his name.

'Teddy,' Sophie said.

Patsy smiled, 'After Pop?' she asked, referring to their mothers father.

Sophie smiled and nodded, 'I've always liked his name, and he was so good to us when he was alive, you remember?'

Patsy nodded, fondly recalling those few summers spent with him before he fell ill, tending the garden, swimming in the pool, and Christmas holidays with him surprising them in the mornings dressed as Santa passing out presents for the two of them.

'His middle name is Daniel,' Sophie continued, seeming rather proud, 'after Michael's grandfather. Thought it was a rather good choice, don't you think?' she paused and took a breath, 'Theodore Daniel Rappaport,' she said, and looked to Patsy, 'Thought it rather sounded like a name that commanded power.'

'No doubt he'll be prime minister someday,' Patsy quipped with a smile.

'Well,' Sophie said as she rose from her seat, 'now that the two of you are acquainted, I think he would appreciate being held by his Auntie while his mum went off to go and blow her nose.'

Patsy sat back in her seat and let Sophie hand Teddy over to her, and Patsy cradled the baby in her arms, his eyes wide and curious as he looked at her and cooed.

Patsy couldn't help but smile as she rocked him in her arms, bringing him up slightly so she could nuzzle her nose against the little fuzzies on top of his head before she placed a sweet kiss there.

'How old is he?' Patsy called to her sister in the kitchen.

'Just turned three months!' she replied.

'Oh,' Patsy looked back down at Teddy with a smile, 'you're a new year baby, hmm?' she leaned down to nuzzle against him once more when a feeling of dread washed over her. She thought about how if she hadn't had this day off she would have missed this. She wouldn't have gone to therapy. She wouldn't have gone to the gym. If she hadn't met Delia, none of this would have happened. She wouldn't have felt the way she felt now. She wouldn't have seen her sister and she wouldn't have known about Teddy.

She hugged the small baby closer to her as she felt tears prick at her eyes.

Her selfish attitude had caused her to miss the birth of her first nephew. To be there for her sister and brother in law while they brought their first child into their lives.

She blinked back her tears and let Teddy reach out and grasp his little hand around her pinky finger as she looked down at him.

New year. New baby. Fresh starts. Maybe that's what this day was all about.

Patsy could feel herself changing, for the better. She knew she would never be prefect. She would never fully recover and never fully heal from the horrors of her past, never fully feel like she would fully repent for her terrible behavior.

Though, looking down at the innocent face of her gorgeous, blue eyed nephew, she began to think that she could keep going. She could think back on this face and remember how she felt in this moment, that there was now this little person in her life she wanted to be a good aunt to. She wanted to be here for him and to be the best version of herself that she could be. If she didn't feel like working out, going to therapy, if she felt like lashing out or being stubborn when she knew she didn't need to, she could think of this face. This boy whose life she almost missed out on because of her selfish ways.

Patsy closed her eyes and kissed Teddy once more on the forehead and sighed, whispering, 'Never again. I won't miss another important moment in your life so long as I live.'