It was six in the morning at Ataturk international airport in Istanbul, and that's where Patsy found herself that early summer day waiting for her connecting flight.
She sat at a measly bar in the terminal, so very grateful that no one was going to judge her for drinking a whiskey so early in the morning. Her head was resting in the palm of her hand as she stared at the mirror behind the bar, watching through it all the busy people rushing around behind her, running to catch their flights or to find the nearest toilets.
She sighed as she sipped her whiskey, rocking her neck back and forth to crack her bones and stretch her stiff shoulder muscles. She was awful at sleeping, much more so when it came to sleeping on flights. Not to mention she was much too tall to stay comfortable for long in those damn coach seats. She was at the very least thankful the movie selection wasn't too terrible and was kept occupied enough through the long hours of sitting in one spot.
Only 24 more travel hours to go, Patsy thought unenthusiastically to herself as she tipped her glass at her reflection in the bar mirror, downing the last of her whiskey.
The lone bartender swooped by and poured her another, for which Patsy was thankful.
Patsy stretched and wondered again why she was putting herself through this.
She blinked, then sighed.
Oh, right. That whole business. She rolled her eyes to herself with a sigh as she settled back into her slouched position at the bar.
Her thoughts drifted back to a few months ago when Trixie brought up her concerns, that bloody conversation pretty much starting this whole trajectory. If it weren't for her then Patsy would still be sitting pretty in her office going about her regular schedule back in Poplar. She could have refused this. She could have said no. She would still have Delia close by and she would still be given socks for being good and continuing to go to therapy and the gym on a regular basis.
No more gym for Patsy. Therapy was going to be email only with Tony for the next few months, and her contact with Delia was to be through hand-written letters only because her paranoia wouldn't allow for texting or emails.
No socks for Patsy now. Not for the next several months anyway.
Her hand absentmindedly found its way into her pocket where she clutched the bit of soft material that Delia had given to her as a parting gift. It was really funny how Delia's socks became so important to Patsy. A little secret, of sorts. Something that the two of them knew Patsy not only enjoyed but also made her feel calm. Something that made her think of Delia now that she was so far away and would be for the next several months.
That familiar piercing pain in Patsy's chest hit her as that dimpled smile flashed through her mind. She had spent the last several evenings watching Delia sleep so she could sear her face into her memory. Granted, she would never forget a woman like Delia, no matter how they eventually parted in the end.
Though this wasn't goodbye, was it. This was a… to be continued.
She hadn't said goodbye when she left, like she did with the others.
A small smile played on Patsy's lips as she thought back on her parting words to Delia.
Patsy pulled the sock out of her pocket and instinctually brought it to her lips, feeling the soft cotton against her skin. The scent of the fabric triggering something in her memory, reminding her of how she ended up sitting in the first place.
'Patsy, please have a seat.'
Patsy took a deep breath as she entered Phyllis' office, trying to remain calm as she braced herself for what Phyllis was about to say next. She walked over and took a seat, Phyllis rounding her desk and mirroring her actions.
'I won't keep you long, I know it's late,' Phyllis began softly as she removed her glasses and began cleaning them with a cloth from her breast pocket.
Patsy clenched her teeth and remained silent, willing herself to be as stone faced and expressionless as possible.
'This is rather a pressing matter of importance and I felt it best we talk when we wouldn't be disturbed.'
Patsy sighed and closed her eyes, wishing Phyllis wouldn't belabor this any longer. If she was going to confront Patsy about her and Della's relationship she wished she would just get on with it already. Report her. Sack her. Anything. She would take the blame and leave so long as it meant Delia was able to stay here and see out her residency. Keep her job. She would take the fall. Hell, she would volunteer to be raked over hot coals for the woman at this point.
'It appears your services have been called upon yet again by the Turners,' Phyllis said as she placed her glasses back on the perch of her nose, shuffling some paperwork around in her desk as if searching for something.
Patsy raised an eyebrow. Her heart was still beating frantically in her chest, each pulse sending just the tiniest wave of relief that moved from the center of her chest to the tips of her fingers.
'I beg your pardon?' Patsy said meekly.
'Where the bloody hell… I just had it,' Phyllis grumbled, annoyed as she shuffled her papers, finally plucking one from the stack, 'Ah, here,' she said as she handed Patsy the paper.
Patsy took it and quickly scanned over the contents. It was an email Phyllis had printed out by the looks of it.
Phyllis cleared her throat before continuing, 'Dr. Turner… Er, Patrick Turner, this time, is in need of a nurse. He's on assignment with DWB from London and is currently seeing out his year in Cambodia and-,'
'Wait, DWB?' Patsy asked, her mind still reeling from this conversation taking a completely different direction from what she had anticipated.
'Doctors Without Borders,' Phyllis filled in as she clasped her hands together, leaning forward on her elbows, 'and as I was saying, Dr. Turner is short staffed now that one of the nurses he was working with has requested to get out of his contract due to a family emergency. DWB is strapped for any sort of staff they can pull from other areas, so he has reached out to affiliated clinics to see if they can spare anyone.'
'And he wants me?' Patsy asked uncertainty, raising an eyebrow to Phyllis.
Phyllis took a deep breath and raised her eyebrow, 'Yes, but I didn't want to give you up that easily. I've offered the opportunity to Trixie, and even Valerie. Both strong nurses in their own right who would have been excellent for the job. I asked them first because I selfishly wanted to keep you here remembering what happened last time you were out for an extended period.'
Patsy let out the breath of air she didn't know she had been holding in. She couldn't believe this was the conversation Phyllis wanted to have.
'So,' she said when she collected herself, 'what did they say? Valerie and Trixie?' she asked.
Phyllis leaned back in her chair and sighed, 'Both refused the offer, unfortunately. Valerie saying she had had enough travels with her time in the Army and Trixie just flat out refusing. Something about needing to be here to take care of her father. I didn't push her on the subject but I do know the man is unwell,' Phyllis' voice lowered, 'PTSD, I believe, from his time in the Gulf, but that's just between you and I.'
'Of course,' Patsy said quietly, thinking that Trixie rushing out of Phyllis' office earlier looking troubled made complete sense now. Her gaze turned slowly towards the paper in her hand, the print becoming legible finally as her eyes focused. She scanned the email and tried to digest the details of the assignment, her eyes honing in on the length of time she was to be placed in Cambodia alongside Dr. Turner.
'The nurse I would be replacing… this says their contract was for a year. Will I be expected to be there a whole year too?' Patsy asked.
'No, Patsy, thankfully for our sake you wouldn't be there an entire year. They're simply requesting that someone replace him to see out the remainder of his contract.'
'And how much longer is that?' Patsy asked, dreading the answer.
'You wouldn't be leaving right away,' Phyllis continued, not meeting Patsy's eye, 'there's a certain amount of administrative in-processing along with ensuring you're physically willing and able to live and work there. Dr Turner ensured me it was a safe area. Very rural and quiet. They have clean running water in the hospital at least.'
'Phyllis,' Patsy said warningly, thinking it was rather out of character for Phyllis to beat around the bush like this, 'how long?'
Phyllis sighed, 'As I said, there would the several weeks of in-processing into the organization, after which you would be off,' Phyllis paused slightly to tap her fingers against her desk, 'Should take no longer than six weeks if you do choose to go. That would put you leaving at around the June timeframe. DWB would then work on organizing a replacement for you, since you're a stand in… however that may take some time.'
'So it's uncertain as to when I would be back…?' Patsy asked, feeling a little dry in the mouth at the thought.
Phyllis shrugged, looking regretful that she did not have all the information, 'The contract ends in October, but if worse comes to worse they would ask you be prepared to extend your time there.'
'By how long?' Patsy asked, 'By a few weeks? Months?'
'No longer than six weeks, I would assume. Any more than that and I'll come over there and collect you myself,' Phyllis finished, looking rather bristled.
Patsy smiled slightly at Phyllis' overprotectiveness. She had always looked up to the woman for her stern and no nonsense approach to her work and uniform mostly. Her professionalism and classic English stiff upper lip way of dealing with things around the clinic made working here relatively drama free and Patsy appreciated having someone around who even made her look soft in comparison. She valued Phyllis and she knew the woman had her and everyone's back when it came to it. She had earned Patsy's loyalty that way, and Patsy knew she would buck up and do nearly anything for the woman if she asked.
However.
'Up to six months in Cambodia…' Patsy trailed off quietly to herself. That was such a long time. And so far away. She wondered if she would be up to such a task.
One month ago she would have said yes without hesitation. She had nothing here but her job and her cat. Now though, she had Delia. She had her sister Sophie back in her life, she had her nephew Teddy. She had just started taking better care of herself, going to the gym, going to therapy. Hell even the other nurses at work had grown on her. She had felt like she was really starting to scratch the surface with them, feeling like if she kept going on as she did she could really genuinely become friends with everyone. Grow her village, as Tony would say. Was she really going to be able to put all this on hold for half a year when she felt like she was just getting started?
Then again, perhaps this was her opportunity to keep Delia safe. No one would suspect they were in a relationship if she happily volunteered to be away for such a long period of time. There was no chance of being caught if she wasn't here. No chance for a slip up. No chance for anyone to overhear anything or read too much into a passing glance or touch between the two.
It wasn't ideal, but it was something Patsy would be willing to do if it meant that she and Delia were kept from any suspicious rumors or any threats of being found out and being punished in some way or losing their jobs. The last 24 hours Patsy had been a wreck with nerves and anxiety and she simply couldn't live her life like this so long as Delia was here with Trixie close by to analyze their every move and conversation.
Patsy brought a hand to her face, her palm grazing over her cheek and chin as she let out a long breath of air.
'Can I… I need to think on it,' she finally said, 'When do you need an answer by?'
'By Monday, if you please,' Phyllis said resoundingly, 'Take the rest of the week and weekend to think it all over. If you decide you do want to do this, then the sooner we can get the paperwork started the better. You know how slow these bureaucratic agencies can be,' she said knowingly, a jibe Patsy knew she was making at their antiquated equipment she knew the NHS was slow to update.
Patsy merely hummed in agreement.
Patsy found herself later that night standing on the other side of the door to Delia's flat. She hadn't seen or spoken to Delia the rest of that day after the incident in the break room, and the memory of it all had played over and over again in Patsy's mind afterwards, specifically the incredibly hurt look on Delia's face right before she rightfully stormed off.
Patsy took a deep breath.
She found it within herself to scrounge up the courage to raise her hand and knock on the door. She had made several promises to herself and to Delia in the weeks that had followed them entering into this relationship that she would never treat her again the way she had when they first met, but she felt she broke that promise today and she hated herself for it.
Patsy held her breath as she knocked, and waited. There were several beats of silence where she could only hear the sound of her pulse pounding in her ears. Then suddenly, soft footsteps that grew louder and louder as they approached.
The door finally cracked open and to Patsy's dismay, it was Cynthia, Delia's flatmate.
Patsy took it as a sign that she was not in good standing with Cynthia when the woman did not open the door all the way, merely looking at her skeptically through the crack.
'Hi, Cynthia,' Patsy said, looking at the smaller woman pleadingly in an attempt to convey she was there to make amends, 'is Delia in?'
Cynthia looked away slightly as she responded.
'She's a little upset with you…,' she said softly, and it made Patsy wonder if Delia was close behind her listening in.
'I know,' Patsy said replied, 'I've been rather terrible to her today and I've come to explain myself and... beg for her forgiveness, if she'll hear me out.'
Cynthia did not budge, but her expression softened just slightly.
'I don't mean to put you in the middle of any of this, Cynthia,' Patsy continued, a little louder just in case Delia was listening, 'Just… I just need to know if she'll see me, and… and if she won't then I'll go away,' she finished firmly. If Delia was really listening, then she needed to make it clear that she was willing to adhere to her boundaries. She had an explanation for her behavior but was willing to wait and explain herself on Delia's terms, no matter how much it hurt her to be turned away right now.
'I don't think now is a good time,' Cynthia said softly, looking rather sorry she had to relay this news to Patsy.
Patsy straightened her posture even though her heart ached and she was on the verge of tears.
'No, Cynthia, it's alright. Thank you. I'll… I'll go now,' Patsy said, giving a feeble wave before she turned on her heel.
She didn't look back as she heard the door softly click shut, walking quickly towards the stairwell. She harshly wiped away a few stray tears that stubbornly fell from her eyes, and she felt so distraught in that moment that she barely heard the sound of a door opening behind her and someone calling out her name.
'Pats!'
Patsy turned around to see the sight of an angry looking Delia running towards her. She was simply wearing a jumper and jeans, her shoes untied, looking as if she had rushed to slip them on. Even in the dim lighting of the overhead lamps, Patsy could make out her pink cheeks and puffy eyes. She looked as if she had been crying, and any trace of hurt on her features had been replaced with anger.
Delia stopped several feet from Patsy, glaring at her. Patsy watched as she took deep breaths through her nose, white puffs of air floating around her head.
'You have th-thirty seconds to explain y-yourself,' she said, her teeth clattering. She crossed her arms and shivered slightly from the cold April evening.
Patsy was done wasting time and got right to the point.
'Trixie approached me last night,' Patsy said, swallowing a lump in her throat as she saw Delia's expression change, growing concerned 'She suspects. About us. About us being together.'
Patsy unzipped her coat and shrugged it off.
'She told me she was worried I was taking advantage of you,' she said as she approached Delia and draped her coat around her shoulders, not minding the cold one bit, 'something about being concerned with the age difference between us and that you were easily impressionable.'
Patsy's gaze softened slightly as she moved to pull her coat snug around Delia's body.
'Can you imagine?' she asked, smiling slightly, 'You of all people being easily impressionable. I had to resist the urge to laugh.'
'Well I certainly don't feel like laughing,' Delia said, her tone clipped. Patsy dropped her smile.
'Sorry, it's just…,' her heart sank in her chest slightly at Delias stern look. She needed to explain her behavior, but the look Delia was giving her kept her silent.
'Pats… I was so upset with you today,' Delia said through clenched teeth. Patsy noted that she avoided eye contact. She couldn't seem to bare looking at Patsy right now.
'I know, and I'm sorry,' Patsy pleaded, tentatively holding Delia in her arms, 'I… when Trixie talked to me last night, well… I couldn't sleep at all. I was over analyzing everything you and I had ever done or said to one another at the clinic. Anything she could have overheard, maybe thinking she saw something that we did when we weren't thinking…,' Patsy trailed off slightly, rubbing her hands over Delia's arms to try and warm her a little, 'I went into work today thinking about every little word and action and… and in the break room when you reached over and touched me…'
'No! Patsy you just … you can't be like this,' Delia said, her lip quivering slightly, 'you can't… Well, first of all, the way you acted is only going to make Trixie more suspicious!'
Patsy closed her eyes, feeling pained, 'I know…' she said.
'You can't just act the way you did all day and expect me to be OK with it!' Delia continued, clutching Patsy's coat around her tighter, 'You could have told me, Pats! You could have said something and I would have… I would have understood.'
Delia shrugged herself out of Patsy's embrace and stepped away, and Patsy remained still, silent.
'If you needed me to stay away I would have,' Delia continued, her nostrils flaring and gaze intense. She looked as if she was trying to control her temper, 'This is all part of it, our relationship. We both went into this knowing there were risks but you need to tell me when something like this happens, Patsy. You can't keep things like this to yourself. Not anymore…'
Delia trailed off and Patsy felt ashamed, merely nodding in response. She felt the muscles in her jaw tighten as she clenched her teeth, and willed herself not to let the searing pain in her heart distract her too much from being pushed away, but with the way she had been towards Delia today, she couldn't blame her.
'You were really awful to me, for no bloody reason,' Delia said softly, 'I spent all day wondering what was wrong. Just feeling like absolute shit, wondering if I had done or said something to make you act that way towards me.'
Patsy watched as Delia's lip trembled a bit, and she had a sneaking suspicion it wasn't from the cold this time.
'I was so hurt and confused… especially after the weekend we had together,' Delia continued softly.
Patsy studied Delia's face, her heart feeling like it was breaking as she watched fat tears start to stream down Delia's cheeks and off her chin.
'We just had this…,' Delia paused, shaking her head as she searched for the words, 'amazingly intimate night together and then… and then you gave me your key and took me to meet your family and… and I thought we were… I don't know, I just,' Delia gave a defeated sigh as she wiped the tears from her face, 'I don't know what I thought, but wherever I thought we were headed with this I felt like we took two steps backward today. I thought you had regretted it… that you were having second thoughts about being with me after all, and… and after just… everything,' Delia whispered, bringing a shaky hand to her mouth to nervously bite on a finger, 'everything we've been through… everything we've shared with each other…'
'No, Deels, please…' Patsy begged, stepping forward and tentatively reaching out for Delia again.
Delia flinched, and Patsy tried not to let the sting she felt in her heart deter her from making this right.
It amazed her, really, seeing Delia like this.
Delia had always seemed this tenacious, stubborn, strong woman in Patsy's eyes, and in a moment like this she was reminded that Delia was as vulnerable and fragile as she was. Though she hated that it was her awful behavior that was reminding her of this fact.
'Delia, I'm sorry I acted the way I did… and you're right,' Patsy started as she dropped her hands to her sides, 'You're so right… after everything we have shared together I shouldn't have kept this from you. I shouldn't have kept you in the dark thinking something was wrong between us when it was really just… something we could have worked through together. I shouldn't have tried to take it on myself.'
Patsy looked down, taking a deep breath. Her heart ached, weighing heavily in her chest as she wiped the tears from her own eyes. Her insides fluttered with nerves thinking of what she was going to say next. What she needed to say. What she needed to tell Delia, because after all this she was done keeping one of the most important people to her in the dark.
'Deels, I… I need to tell you something else. Something more serious that could… greatly impact us.'
'Us?' Delia narrowed her eyes and the muscles in her jaw clenched, '...what do you mean? What is it?'
Her tone was still short, and Patsy knew Delia was still angry and hurt, still defensive. She needed to try and be delicate about this.
Patsy took a deep breath and tried to hear herself over the pounding of her pulse in her ears.
'Before I left the clinic today, Phyllis sat me down and said that Dr. Turner has reached out again, um… the Mr. Turner, and not Shelagh this time, and… well, he's… he's asked for me by name to…to…' Patsy trailed off, picking nervously at her fingernail.
'Spit it out, Patsy,' Delia seethed, glaring.
Patsy exhaled through her nose. Alright, forget being delicate. Suppose it was time to rip off the plaster.
'He's currently in Cambodia serving out a term with doctors without borders. He's had a nurse fuck off and back out of his contract,' Patsy explained as plainly as she could, her own tone growing short.
'No,' Delia said as she closed her eyes and shook her head. Patsy could tell she knew where she was going with this and it seemed like she didn't want to hear it.
'He's in need of a nurse to work alongside him,' Patsy continued, watching Delia's features contort as Patsy spoke.
'God, Pat's,' Delia screwed her eyes shut and turned around, taking a few steps away, 'Cambodia,' Patsy could hear her mumble, practically spitting the word from her mouth with resentment.
Patsy watched as Delia took several deep breaths, her shoulders rising and falling, white clouds of air circling around d her head and disappearing. Patsy remained silent as Delia slowly turned and gripped the balcony railing, her knuckles turning white, her head bowed as if praying.
'How long?' Delia asked softly, her eyes shut tight.
'Phyllis was uncertain about that…,' Patsy said feebly, hating that she didn't have all the answers.
'So, what,' Delia seethed, and Patsy watched her whirl around and finally face her again, 'Phyllis is going to up and send you all the way to the other side of the world? Without knowing when you would be sent back? Of all the nurses on the planet she and the bloody Turner's have placed this on your shoulders?!
'Deels, they just… they want me, alright?' Patsy shrugged, sounding almost incredulous, 'They asked for me by name, I don't-,'
'Why?!' Delia shouted, 'Why don't the Turners know any other nurses? Why can't they pick someone else?' she exclaimed, her hands flying, 'Barbara? Trixie? Why you?! Why is it always you?'
'Deels…,' Patsy sighed, her voice calm, 'trust me, Phyllis tried. Even she doesn't want me to go and she tried to convince some of the others. It's just… I just think that maybe…'
'Well I don't want you to go either!' Delia exclaimed, throwing her hands out, exasperated, 'I don't want you to fucking go, alright!'
More heavy tears streamed down her face and rolled off her chin, but this seemed to go unnoticed by Delia who was furious.
'For once in my life I want to be selfish!' she shouted, 'I want to think about what I want for once! I feel like I just found you Pat's and I don't want you to go. I don't want you to fucking go!' Delia nearly shrieked, her hands clenched into fists.
Patsy could only stare, mildly shocked as she witness Delia in a moment where she uncharacteristically lost her cool.
Unfortunately for her, Delia mistook Patsy's silence as complacency.
'You want to go, don't you,' she seethed, her rage suddenly collected and honing in on Patsy, who merely blinked, 'This is an easy way out for you, isn't it? How convenient this opportunity comes for you on today of all days,' Delia said quietly, taking the oversized sleeve of Patsy's coat and harshly wiping the tears off her face with it, 'You can just take off and run from your problems now, leave me here, forget all about me…'
'Stop,' Patsy quietly commanded and the intensity in her voice and gaze silenced Delia.
She certainly deserved to be the focus of all the rage and anger Delia had for her in that moment, but she certainly wasn't going to stand there and let Delia fill her own head with false narratives.
Neither woman broke eye contact for several moments and the two remained silent, Patsy clenching her jaw and working to control her breathing so she didn't lose her temper and lash out at the woman she…
Patsy swallowed a lump in her throat and ignored the stinging behind her eyes as she spoke.
'Delia, I know you're upset. I know this news is just the shit icing on the shit cake of the shit day we've both had, alright?'
'Then why didn't you say no?!' Delia cried, her expression and tone conveying that she was pleading for understanding.
'Because being with you has given me a conscience, damn it!' Patsy shouted finally, ignoring that her hair had fallen and was covering half of her face, 'Because for the first time in my life I don't want to be selfish! I don't want to just think about myself and my wants for a change. Because me being sent away might actually save our relationship and careers and deep down we both know that something like this is bigger than the two of us, than our relationship!'
Her voice echoed in that concrete hall, the dim yellow lights flickering above her and Delia once more. Patsy took a moment to collect her breath and calm her voice before she spoke again. She wasn't here to fight. She wasn't here to push Delia away. Above all she needed to change the course of this conversation because, if anything, she needed Delia to know just how much she meant to her.
'And… and I'm telling you all this now because even though I didn't say 'no', I didn't say 'yes' either. This isn't a decision I can make on my own,' Patsy said softly, raking her fingers through her hair, 'I don't want to. I want it to be something we decide on together because… because that's how important you have become to me. Whatever next step I need to take in my life, I want you included in some way. Especially if it means we might be separated by continents and oceans for several months…' Patsy trailed off for a moment, licking her lips, her gaze averting Delia's, 'What you think, how you feel… it all matters to me now, a great deal, actually and… and I don't want to do this by myself. I need you, Delia.'
Patsy finally looked up and noted with a light heart that Delia's face seemed to soften at her words. The brunette remained quiet, and Patsy decided to continue.
'Look… earlier… I acted the way I did today because I'm just… I'm trying to protect this,' she said, clenching her fists and bringing them to her chest, '… us. This relationship. It's…,' Patsy paused and turned her head towards the stars.
She closed her eyes, the tears that had been threatening to fall all evening finally streamed down her cheeks, feeling hot.
'Delia, you are unlike anyone I've ever been with… hell, unlike anyone I've ever even met before. I feel like I had been so broken on the inside for so long and you… you are so strong, so loving and so patient. You've taken my hand and guided me… you've been by my side while I've taken these steps to… to make myself better and you…'
Patsy harshly wiped her eyes with her sleeve, and she was surprised at first to feel a hand on hers. She blinked her eyes open to see Delia looking up at her with pleading eyes, holding her hand in hers.
Patsy swallowed another lump in her throat before she continued.
'For years I shut myself off from others, thinking that I was unlovable, but you… you made me feel loved and…,' she took another deep breath, her chest filling with a thrilling excitement and dread of the unknown before she continued, 'you're the most important person in my life and I want to share myself with you.'
Patsy felt a little relieved when she felt Delia squeeze her hand a little tighter, the smaller woman finally turning to face her and step just a bit closer towards her. Delia remained silent and looked up at Patsy pleadingly as she brought her other hand to cup Patsy's face, her thumb stroking her cheek gently.
Patsy sniffed, grasping onto Delia's arm to keep herself from shaking.
'I've never… Deels, you are the strongest person I've ever met. You see the good in me and that makes me want to be good. Not just to others, but to myself, too. You see the beauty in me and that makes me feel so beautiful, which is not something I have ever felt before, and I'm… I'm…,' Patsy paused, licking her lips and unable to meet Delia's eyes as she gathered her courage to say how she felt, 'I am thrilled and terrified of this at the same time because…,' she let out an shaky breath, blinking as hot and heavy tears rolled down her face and off her chin 'because... because I have fallen so helplessly in love with you,' she clenched her teeth and swallowed again, willing herself to not think about how much of a weepy mess she was right this second, 'I'm very much in love with you and I'm just… I'm so scared...'
Patsy still couldn't meet Delia's eye. She didn't want to. She said Delia gave her strength but she didn't know if she had the courage to see Delia's reaction to this confession. It felt liberating to say because deep down Patsy knew it was the truth, but all last night she had been telling herself all this was too much too soon. Was Delia even ready for this? Had she been selfish in not considering Delia's feelings before saying something so intense? Even though she was just being honest?
Patsy was pulled from her thoughts when she felt Delia leap into her arms, the smaller woman practically falling into her as she wrapped her arms around Patsy's neck, the redhead instinctually wrapping her arms around Delia to hold her tight, taking a step back so they wouldn't topple over.
'Patsy…' Delia said in the taller woman's ear, 'I love you too, you fool'.
Patsy squeezed her tighter a feeling of absolute relief washed over her.
'I've been dying to say it, Pats,' Delia said, her voice muffled slightly as she pressed herself impossibly tight against the crook of Patsy's neck, 'I love you, I love you,' Patsy hear Delia take a breath before pulling away slightly so she could look at her.
'God, Pats,' Delia breathed, her eyes scanning Patsy's features as her hands pushed back her unruly red hair, 'I love you so much.'
Patsy had never had someone look her in the eye and tell her they loved her before.
She couldn't believe this was her life. This felt so unreal.
'I know it's crazy, but it feels so good to finally say it…' Delia mused.
'Are we crazy?' Patsy asked, genuinely curious.
'Who cares?' Delia said, her face breaking out into the most magnificent grin.
Patsy couldn't help but smile, picking the brunette off her feet and twirling her around right there. Delia's laughter and happiness in the moment was absolutely infectious. She placed her back down again, the two women falling into smiles and giggles as Patsy felt her anxiety completely vanish, and much to her displeasure all her adrenaline vanished, too.
Patsy felt herself sway from all her depleted energy and she instinctively reached over to grasp onto the railing of the balcony.
'Are you alright?' Delia asked, her expression suddenly one of concern as she held onto Patsy's arms.
'Yes… sorry, it's just, I'm suddenly remembering I've been awake for nearly 36 hours.'
'Oh dear,' Delia said fussing over Patsy suddenly, her arms around Patsy's hips as she guided her back to her flat, 'Alright, let's get you to bed, cariad.'
Patsy took her sleeve and wiped her face of any remaining tears as they walked and entered her flat, Cynthia close by looking concerned.
'Everything alright?' she asked, giving a distrustful stare to Patsy, 'there was a lot of shouting…'
'Its alright, Cynthia,' Delia said, 'we worked it all out. Let me just get Patsy to bed.'
'No, you don't need to… I can go back to my place, I can make it,' Patsy said tiredly, not wanting to give Cynthia any more excuses to think she was a worthless person who was undeserving of Delia and her kindness.
'Nonesene, you're sleeping here tonight,' Delia insisted.
Patsy was much too tired to put up any more protest, and she let Delia guide her back to her bedroom where she helped Patsy undress, situating her in a top and boxer shorts that were oversized on Delia but fit Patsy just fine.
Delia pushed the duvet aside and made room for Patsy to crawl in, tucking the tired woman in snug. Patsy turned on her side to face her, feeling undeserving of all this care and attention after what she had put Delia through that day. Delia merely smiled at her kindly and reached up, tucking a lock of red hair behind Patsy's ear and ran the pad of her thumb over her eyebrow lovingly.
'I'm going to set my alarm nice and early so you have plenty of time to go back to your place in the morning,' Delia said, her voice soothing, making Patsy's eyes grow heavy.
Delia kicked off her shoes and lay down next to Patsy, facing her. She took Patsy by the hand and kissed her knuckles, her other hand reaching up to run her fingers through her red hair. Patsy could feel herself relaxing, closing her eyes at her gentle touch.
'Don't worry about Trixie,' Delia said softly, 'don't worry about this whole business with Dr. Turner…'
'How can I not?' Patsy replied, 'I probably made things worse with my behavior today and Phyllis needs an answer by Monday…'
'Pats, love, it'll all be ok. We… we both know now to be more careful at work and… and Monday… well, that gives us plenty of time to talk about it, doesn't it?' Delia leaves forward to kiss Patsy on the forehead sweetly, 'We'll talk about it over the next few days and make a decision together. Just like you said…'
Delia sighed, her expression turning to one of regret before she continued.
'I'm sorry about earlier,' she sighed, 'What I said was mean. I don't think you're really running away from your problems…'
'Deels, come here, darling...' Patsy trailed off and used the last of her strength to pull the smaller woman to her, holding her close to her chest, 'I'm not upset with you. God knows I deserve it after the things I've put you though,' she paused a moment to take a deep breath, the scent of Delia surrounding her.
'Are you sure you want to love me?' she asked tiredly.
Delia gave a small laugh and tucked her head under Patsy's chin, nuzzling against her chest.
'You're an absolute fool and you drive me crazy, but I love you something awful.'
'I love you too…' Patsy trailed off, her eyes closing and not wanting to open again. Her vision and her mind turned black, there stress and tension of the day finally dissipating. The feeling of Delia's weight against her, being immersed in Delia's bed surrounded by her scent and her warmth had lured her into a deep, heavenly sleep.
Naturally, after several heartfelt talks up until when Patsy needed to give Phyllis an answer, the two had agreed that Patsy should go.
It didn't take much to bring Patsy around to the idea, her top priority being to protect Delia and their relationship.
Delia didn't like it. There were more breakdowns. More crying. Delia was fairly certain that she and Patsy could continue on as they had been without her needing to go across to the other side of the world. She couldn't bare the thought of that much physical distance being between the two of them for an undetermined amount of time. Though, eventually, she reasoned that, after all said and done, Patsy would be using her skills and experience to help an underserved community, in much more dire need of help than Poplar was.
In that regard, Patsy was right. Something like this was much bigger than their relationship and Delia knew she would never forgive herself if she kept Patsy from being part of this, no matter how much it hurt her. Additionally, even though they would be separated, they would be safe.
Patsy was dealing with her own hurdles after finding her courage and telling Phyllis that she would go on the assignment. Up until that particular moment in time, Patsy had never really had anything of such importance to prepare for. No birthdays to celebrate or holidays with family, no trips or even get togethers with old friends. She had never really had something to look forward to, to anticipate, to plan for.
So she found it astounding, really, how time seemed to go by so slow day to day but the weeks just flew by in preparation for this assignment. As soon as she said yes, her life became a flurry of meetings with Doctors Without Borders representatives, emails and Skype chats with Dr. Turner in the middle of the nights, seeing doctors for her own medical exams and vaccinations, filling out mountains of paperwork and collecting every government document and proof of citizenship she could dig up from long forgotten boxes of files shoved in her closet somewhere. All this in conjunction with her regular work and suddenly she found herself at the end of May with less than a week left until she had to leave.
'What are we going to do though,' Patsy asked nervously that spring Sunday morning.
She heard Delia sigh beside her as they sat shoulder to shoulder, the both of them staring out and watching a group of children play football in the distance as Delia sipped her tea and Patsy idly smoked a was days away from taking off for her flight to join Dr. Turner in Cambodia and after everything she had been through, the weight of the entire situation seemed to be finally sitting heavy and low in her chest.
'We're going to make it through this, right?' Patsy asked.
'We'll do what everyone else does,' Patsy heard Delia say, and she turned to look at the woman when she felt Delia grab a firm hold of her hand, 'we'll write. We'll wait. We'll love...'
Patsy remained silent and slowly nodded, Delia's words and demeanor comforting her.
'I've fallen… so very much in love with you,' Delia sighed, 'and that's not something that can just be undone. No matter how far away you are or how long you're gone…'
Patsy watched as Delias expression turned rather sad, and the woman squeezed Patsy's hand before letting go, moving to instead rest her head on her shoulder.
Patsy's own expression turned dour at the sight of seeing Delia so forlorn. She took a deep breath as the thought of something she had been mulling over for the last few weeks came to the forefront of her mind, and Patsy decided to stop mulling it over and to just come out and ask Delia already.
Patsy took one last drag of her cigarette before stubbing it out, moving to wrap her arm around Delia so her head rested in the crook of her shoulder.
'Deels, darling,' Patsy said softly, bringing her other hand to sweetly stroke her finger along Delia's jawline. She couldn't help but place the smallest kiss on the top of her head.
'Hmm?'
'Have you renewed you lease on your flat? With Cynthia?'
Delia chuckled slightly, 'It's not up until July. Why are you asking?'
'Are you planning on renewing?' Patsy asked, ignoring Delia's question.
Delia looked up at Patsy then, her eyebrow arched curiously, 'Maybe? Really, why are you asking?'
Patsy bit her lip nervously but managed a smile, 'Oh, no reason, really. I just know a certain fluffy boy who is going to be in need of a flat mate once I'm off. He gets quite lonely, you know, and could use someone around to cuddle and glare at spitefully.'
'Pats, you know George is no suitable replacement for you,' Delia said, finally cracking a smile as she crossed her arms, 'but if you're asking me to take George in, I will…'
'No, I'm asking you to move in with George,' Patsy clarified.
'Pats… are you…,' Delia turned to look at Patsy almost incredulously, 'you want me to move into your flat?'
'Absolutely,' Patsy said, trying to stay calm to convey she was being genuine, even though her stomach felt like it was filled with all the butterflies in the world in that moment.
'Wha…' Delia blinked, sighing exasperated, 'I mean…' Delia looked distraught for a moment as the idea sank in, and Patsy cringed. This was the exact opposite reaction she wanted, and she leaned forward to grasp both of Delia's hands in hers, determined to make herself clear and try to fix this.
'Deels, listen, I'm sorry I'm just springing this on you and... you can absolutely say no if you want to it's just… sweetheart, I just want to do what I can to take care of you while I'm away and I thought… well, I bought my flat outright when I moved in so there's no mortgage.'
Patsy brought a hand to her mouth and bit on a cuticle nervously.
'I just thought… I wanted you to move in so you can save whatever it is you're spending on rent now. You can use that money to… well, for whatever you like, really. Save it. Send it home. Go on holiday…' Patsy trailed off and looked up at Delia, meeting her eye.
Delia's expression not changing one bit and her heart sank in her chest.
'Oh, Deels, I'm sorry,' Patsy looked back down, raking her hands through her hair, 'I didn't mean to presume… I just thought-,'
'Pats,' Delia cut her off, 'Oh cariad, I'm not upset,' she said reassuringly, reaching out to cup Patsy's face in her hand while the other interlocked with Patsy's, 'I'm not, I promise. That's all so very sweet, it's just…'
'What is it?' Patsy asked softly.
Delia sighed, 'I just… it's just the thought of being in your flat when you're not there.'
Delia dropped her hand and placed her forehead against Patsy's shoulder.
'Everything is going to smell like you. Everything is going to remind me of you. It just might take some time to be there without… without missing you so much,' Delia finished sadly,
She looked down at their intertwined hands almost dejectedly.
'Everything in there is yours too, you know? It's your space. I'll just always feel like I don't really live there. I'll just be a visitor,' Delia trailed off quietly, almost sounding as if she were going to start crying.
'Oh…' Patsy trailed off, understanding what Delia was trying to say. Her heart sank in her chest a little at Delia's sad expression. Her suggestion that Delia move into her flat did not turn out how she intended, and after a moment, an idea struck her that had her sitting up suddenly with enthusiasm.
It was just a flat at the end of the day, wasn't it? People moved out and in all the time. It was what you did with the place was what mattered.
'Well we can very much fix that now, can't we?' Patsy said, looking to Delia hopefully.
'How do you mean?'
Patsy stood suddenly, a grin breaking out on her face as her chest swelled with excitement.
'We'll make it ours!' she exclaimed happily, not caring that strangers in the park were looking at her.
'Ours?' Delia blinked.
'Well go shopping!' Patsy said, suddenly full of energy, her mind racing as she paced in front of Delia, 'We'll pick out things together. New bedsheets!' she exclaimed, turning to Delia, 'New towels! New curtains! Throw rugs and pots and pans! What else is there? Plates! We'll get plates!'
Delia giggled, her dimples showing and Patsy was happy to see the smaller woman's mood changing.
'I like plates,' Delia said with a smile, and Patsy beamed.
Delia licked her lips and looked back up at Patsy uncertainly, giving her a rather lopsided grin.
'Oh… is that… are you not sure?' Patsy asked, turning to face Delia, scratching the back of her head nervously.
'No it's just…,' Delia looked back up at Patsy rather shy, 'can we paint the walls too?'
Patsy couldn't help but laugh, 'Yes, Deels, we can absolutely paint the walls.'
Delia stood and grasped Patsy's hands in hers.
'Alright,' she said, 'I think I'm coming around to this idea, only…'
Patsy tilted her head, 'Only what?'
'Only I want to decorate the walls, too.'
'Ok,' Patsy shrugged, 'we'll get some artwork, too.'
'No, I… I don't want artwork. I want pictures of you. Of us.'
Patsy's heart fluttered nervously and she swallowed a lump in her throat, the mere thought of having her photo taken, with Delia no less, sent panic through her system. She still had no mirrors in the house. She still had issues with the way she looked. She was still paranoid about anyone finding out about her and Delia being together. In the few months they had been together, Patsy had been adamant about not having her picture taken, less it somehow ended up on some social media page she was unaware of and exposed their relationship. Delia thus far had been absolutely respectful of this request for no photos.
The look of sincerity and genuine earnest in Delia's eyes had Patsy squelching her anxiety over it all.
Sod it, she thought. Surely if Delia had been compliant all this time about her not wanting photos of them out there, she could certainly be trusted to keep any photos of them to herself. She looks at you all the time anyway, Patsy reasoned, she's not going to think you look bad in photos like you seem to.
Patsy sighed.
'Ok.'
'Ok?' Delia asked, looking a little relieved, albeit extremely happy.
'Yeah,' she raked her hands through her hair and took a step back, 'Give me your phone.'
Delia did as she was told and Patsy opened the camera, her long arm holding it up as she turned and wrapped the other around Delia's shoulder, turning to kiss the woman's ear, causing her to shriek playfully as Patsy snapped a photo.
She handed Delia back her phone, 'Keep this out and start snapping.'
'Pats, what are you- Oh!' Delia exclaimed, Patsy turning and grasping both her arms, hoisting her up on her back. Delia instinctually wrapped her legs around Patsy's hips and the redhead reached behind to interlock her fingers under Delia's bum, holding her secure.
'Alright, off we go!' Patsy shouted over Delia's laughter, and took off running in one direction, Delia bouncing on her back behind her.
'No! Patsy!' Delia shouted through giggles, 'Ikea's the other way!'
Patsy huffed and came to a stop, turning around and running in the other direction as Delia giggled in her ear, the sound making Patsy's heart race. A grin broke out on her face as Delia somehow managed to hold her phone out in front of them without dropping it and snapped a few blurry photos of them acting like fools. Patsy didn't care though, as the sound of Delia giggling happily in her ear was in stark contrast to the crying she had heard when she last carried her on her back through a snowstorm.
Later that week, Patsy woke up with Delia in her arms in a flat that had been completely transformed. Several new things that she and Delia had picked out together were now adorning several rooms in the flat. The new additions seemed to make the space more bright and cheery, all Delia's doing. The change of scenery made Patsy happy too, most notably the now yellow walls decorated with framed photos of their day out together (Patsy also noticed that Delia had snuck in a few candid shots of her sleeping, which she was not entirely pleased about but let then stay up in the end as it all made Delia happy).
George could even now be found spending most of his time purring happily from his new cat tree in the corner of the lounge.
Patsy's only grievance was the ghastly pot Delia had managed to find in the back of the cupboard somewhere that she insisted be used to hold the fresh flowers she had brought back with them after their shopping spree. Patsy didn't particularly care for how it looked sitting in the window, but if it made Delia happy then there it would sit. She made a mental note that if they truly were able to pick up where they had left off when she returned from this assignment, she would make sure that pot had a fresh bouquet every Sunday.
Now though, it was Friday. Today was the day she was to leave.
Delia had made them breakfast and the two shared a loving, lingering kiss goodbye before she took of her her shift at the clinic, both sadly noting that it would be the last time they would kiss for several months.
Patsy stayed behind to clean and do some last minute laundry, merely tutting at George's antics as he climbed into her bag as she was packing and not losing her patience with the boy. She had a feeling he was much more clever than she thought, and that he suspected something was up and he didn't want her to go. She scooped him out of her bag and gave him as long of a cuddle as she could before she had to get on with her packing, less she be late.
Patsy packed light, figuring she would be in scrubs most days, and so she was able to roll up her clothes and fit everything in nice and tidy into one carry-on.
She made her way to the clinic with her bag draped over her shoulder, heading to her office to collect some paperwork and possibly go over any last minute details with Phyllis and Julienne. Fred had also kindly offered to give her a lift to the airport, and the two of them were set to leave together early that afternoon.
Patsy managed to sneak into her office unnoticed as the rest of the nurses were busy, presumably with clients. She took the time to try and forget that Delia was somewhere about while she rifled through her filing cabinet, her bag open as she tucked the needed files in.
She was tidying up one last thing or another when there was a soft knock on the door frame.
Patsy looked up to see Delia standing there with her finger to her lips, a silent command for Patsy to be quiet.
Patsy stood up straight, her mouth curling into her signature fishhook smirk with an eyebrow raised as she watched Delia slowly take a small sealed envelope out of her breast pocket and place it into the open bag sitting on Patsy's desk.
Patsy's breath caught in her throat slightly, a stinging sensation behind her eyes when she made out the words on the envelope.
My love.
Patsy looked back to Delia, the brunette peeking around the door frame to see if the coast was clear before she silently hooked her finger, beckoning to Patsy to step towards her.
Patsy did, and Delia reached into her pocket, taking Patsy's hand and placing something small and familiar onto her palm.
Patsy merely smiled, not needing to know that it was Delias little sock that she had grown to love. What started out as a treat for being good with her temper and keeping her promises like going to the gym and therapy had become something more. A secret, yet intimate token of the love and appreciation they had for one another. The gesture made Patsy feel so calm, like everything was going to be alright. Holding onto something that had such reverence between the two that represented their strange, yet loving relationship made Patsy feel more loved and cared for than any other kind of trinket Delia could have just gone out and bought.
Delia took a deep breath, licking her lips slightly before she silently mouthed I love you. She squeezed Patsy's hand and turned to walk away before Patsy's brain could even catch up to respond.
Patsy stood in the doorway and watched her retreating form, but she had no time to linger as the sound of someone obnoxiously clearing their throat pulled her attention away.
Patsy blinked, her heart jumping into her throat as she looked over to see Phyllis eyeing her, her hands clasped behind her back as she rocked on her heels, her face looking bulldogish and unreadable as usual.
'All set Nurse Mount?'
Patsy came to her senses at once and nodded, turning and quickly pocketing the sock before hastily zipping up her bag. She hitched it over her shoulder and exited her office, and walked alongside Phyllis towards the breakroom.
'I believe we have everything in order on our end,' Phyllis said with a curt nod, 'The time you've spent with Trixie and Valerie these last few weeks I think has really prepared them to step up in your absence.'
'I'm glad,' Patsy remarked with a small smile, 'I wouldn't feel right leaving you all for this stretch of time if I didn't think the team could handle it.'
And it was true. Patsy had been spending plenty of extra time with the two other most senior nurses after her, going over her schedule of patients and overseeing their methods to ensure they were well suited to take over for her in her absence. They had come a long way, Patsy thought, and she had no reservations leaving them on their own, especially with Phyllis close by to make sure everything was kept in working order like clockwork.
Both Patsy and phyllis stopped short of the door to the alley, not quite knowing what else to say. She and Phyllis had such a formal relationship that all conversation was kept to either work or the weather, which was why Patsy was rather surprised when Phyllis spoke once more.
'I'm proud of you, kid.'
'You are?' Patsy blinked, raising an eyebrow.
'To step up and take on a task like this,' Phyllis said, turning on her heel to Patsy and looking at her with a glint in her eye, 'it takes real courage and ambition, and an immense amount of selflessness to step up and take on a task such as this,' she remarked with a boldness that made Patsy question whether or not the woman was upset that she wasn't going on this assignment herself, 'It'll be challenging, but I'm certain you'll affect a lot of lives for the better, maybe even come back an even better person yourself.'
Patsy could only manage a rather bashful smile at her words.
'Good luck out there kid,' Phyllis said, extending her hand, 'I'm proud of you.'
Patsy accepted the firm handshake, a little touched since Phyllis telling her she was proud was more than she had heard from nearly any adult in her life.
The moment was broken as Julienne entered the room, appearing in the doorway to the alley.
'Oh, there you are,' she said with a small smile, giving Patsy a once over.
Patsy clutched her bag nervously, very much aware that she had dared to wear a short sleeve top for the first time in years without some long sleeved thermal or other sort of a garment to cover her arms. It was rather liberating, her arms naked and exposed to the air, and quite relieving given the temperature that afternoon, but at the same time rather nerve-wracking. She was proud of herself for not having bitten her arms in months. The marks on her arm had faded greatly to the point where people would merely think that she had walked through a particularly thorny thicket and be none the wiser to her self harming ways. Nonetheless Patsy still felt rather exposed and out of her comfort zone, but she figured she would be much more out of her comfort zone in a matter of days so she may as well start small while she could.
Patsy felt her face turn red slightly from Juliennes polite but lingering glance at her arms. She hoped that she would he able to sneak out the back and into the car with Fred unnoticed by anyone else. All this preparation for her trip left her feeling anxious and she was ready to just get on with it already.
'And just where have you been, Julienne?' Phyllis asked, peering down her nose at the woman through her glasses.
'Just rounding up the girls to see off Nurse Mount, of course,' Julienne said holding open the door, her smile turning to one of glee at Patsy's reaction.
Patsy's jaw went slack, her eyes wide.
'What,' Patsy deadpanned.
'Ah, jolly good,' Phyllis quipped, unapologetically shoving Patsy out the door into the alley.
Patsy stumbled over her own feet slightly before standing up straight to see all her co workers standing around by the car, all of them turning to look at her in tandem as they broke out into enthusiastic applause and hollers for her, shouting We'll miss you! and wishing her well.
There was a brief pause in their cheering as all the women, save for Delia, looked directly at her bare arms. Patsy felt the hairs stand on the back of her neck and her shoulders hunch, feeling very much like a startled cat at all their surprised gazes. She hoped to God her marks aren't as noticeable as she thought they were.
'Oh, bloody hell,' Patsy could hear Valerie say angrily, Lucille standing next to her looking rahter smug.
'See, I told you she didn't have any tattoos,' Lucille said.
Valerie grumbled as she pulled out five quid from her pocket and slapped it into Lucille's outstretched hand.
A gentle hand on her shoulder kept Patsy from protesting their little bet, and she turned to see Jullienne looking up at her with, for once, a kind smile.
'Do be sure to write every now and again? We want to hear all about your experience there,' she said, a genuine interest in her expression.
Patsy was surprised to see Jullienne then open her arms and pull Patsy down for a hug.
'Um, certainly,' Patsy stuttered as she awkwardly hugged her back, 'I want to keep up with all that's going on here too,' she added.
When she pulled away, Patsy turned and found herself going down an assembly line of hugs and well wishes from Barbara, Trixie, Valerie and Lucille, everyone wanting her to have a safe journey and to keep in touch and write often.
At the end of the line was Delia, looking back up at her with a strong smile even though her eyes shimmered.
'Come here,' Patsy said opening her arms and pretending that she hadn't already hugged Delia hundreds of times by then.
It was no use. Patsy threw caution to the wind in that moment and pulled her in close, taking those last few precious seconds she had with Delia to feel her pressed against her and smell her hair, taking the chance to leave her with parting words she knew to be the absolute, most honest thing she could ever think to say.
'You're my girl,' Patsy said so softly in Delia's ear so that no one else could hear, 'and I love you.'
She heard Delia sigh in her ear, and together at the same time, they let go.
Patsy tucked the little blue sock back into her pocket and slammed down her empty glass with a noisy clink against the bar, the sound muffled slightly over the hustle and bustle of the airport around her.
The scene of when she last saw and held Delia, telling her she loved her, played over in her mind once again for what seemed to be the millionth time. Delia wore a smile in that moment only because she had to, but Patsy wondered if she felt as miserable as she did just then.
She took a deep breath and wondered if all this separation and heartbreak was going to be worth it.
Patsy paused, thinking about how much she truly loved Delia.
She subtly felt the sock in her pocket again, her anxiety abiding as she ran her thumb over the soft fabric.
There wasn't anything that Delia had ever done or said to make Patsy think that she loved her any more or less than Patsy did.
They could do this. They would make it through this.
Patsy raked her hands through her hair as she caught a snippet of the song playing faintly from the speakers overhead.
It's been so lonely without you here
Like a bird without a song
Nothing can stop these lonely tears from falling
Tell me baby where did I go wrong
'Christ,' Patsy swore, thinking that of all the songs in the world, she would be made to listen to this one right about now, as if her thoughts weren't already occupied with the one person she wanted to be with but couldn't.
I know that living with you baby was sometimes hard
But I'm willing to give it another try
'Cause nothing compares
Nothing compares to you
'God damn it Sinéad,' Patsy said to herself as she leaned over the bar and raised her glass, signaling to the bartender for a refill.