Chapter 2 TDT

Stefan lay awake tossing and turning in his room as he considered Damon's suggestion. It was absurd and insane. It would never work anyways. You couldn't replace the hunt and thrill of the feeding when you had to do it with your vampire brother and not a human. It would never work. Still, he had agreed to try it if he thought he was losing control. It had been the only way to promise Damon that he'd try and sort himself out. He wasn't exactly sure what this would mean for them if he did have to feed on Damon. Could he? He had done it the other night but it had been in the heat of the moment, sparked by the lust of drinking from Amber. It hadn't been about Damon.

He turned onto his side and sighed. He hadn't seen Elena yet. He wanted to call her but he wasn't sure how he could face her. She'd tried to come around to see him today but thankfully Damon had advised her not to. He had listened as she had argued with him but Damon came through for him despite it. He wouldn't have been able to handle her today, not so soon after everything. Thankfully Damon had known that and stood his ground. It was funny how protective Damon still was, despite the fact that he proclaimed to hate him and not care about him. Stefan had always suspected it was a lie. He hadn't known until he had grabbed for Damon in desperation when Bonnie was hurting him, that Damon still had that same sense of brotherly love and protectiveness that he always had for him. Now Damon was willing to be prey to him if he needed him. Insane.

The next morning Stefan dragged himself out of bed and out to hunt. He had to try and get himself under control. He stopped in the lounge for a quick drink of bourbon to help stifle his cravings before he ventured outside when he smelled it. Damon had left a tiny amount of blood in the bottom of a glass, sitting on the table. He inhaled sharply and looked over at it. Damon hadn't meant to. It probably hadn't occurred to him that Stefan would notice it, but Stefan's whole body vibrated at the smell of even that small amount. He tensed up and tried to focus on his breathing calmly. He turned and left the house quickly in search of a deer. The forest was thick with deer at this time of year and he needed to find one quickly.

He drank his fill of the animal blood and tried to keep it down. It tasted awful again and he was unsatisfied. It resonated through him just how unfair it all was. He'd never met another vampire who struggled so much with drinking blood. He was a vampire for god sake, he should be able to feed without becoming a lunatic so why had it always been so hard for him? Damon could drink as much or as little human blood as he needed and he had no problems. It wasn't fair! He wanted to feed like that. Why should he have to suffer the rank taste of animals? He grew more frustrated and angry the longer he thought on the injustice of it all. He had to get to grips with it. This was the way things were and they weren't going to change. He had to get back to normal quickly for Elena. He'd scared her so much last night with his outburst. She might not want to be with him anymore.

He dragged himself back into the Boarding House sullenly to find Damon sitting by the fire, inspecting his arm wincing.

"You ok?" Stefan approached in curiosity and Damon looked up at him and exhaled.

"Got into a little scuffle with John Gilbert. He thinks I have something he's looking for." Damon explained tersely as he rolled his shirt sleeve back down to hide the cut.

"He attacked you?"

"Please." Damon snorted. "That man couldn't hurt me if he tried Stefan."

"You're bleeding."

"Just a flesh wound." Damon smiled patronisingly. "How was your lunch?"

"Fine." Stefan lied and Damon smirked again and shook his head. "Back to denial again are we?"

"Alright I almost threw up. Is that what you want to hear?" Stefan sniped.

"Don't kid yourself is all I'm saying. Why don't you try a small glass of O Neg and see how you get on?" Damon suggested and Stefan shook his head. "I won't let you drink any more than that. Just try and do it and breathe. You just need to learn to pace yourself. If you can handle one glass and be content you can gain some control. It's like any addiction."

"We've been over and over this, I can't do it."

"Cold turkey is never the way to go Stef. You can't handle it when you slip up. 20 steps doesn't work for you." Damon eyed him as Stefan sighed and put his hands on his hips. "What if Elena got a cut or something? Huh?" Stefan looked at him. "What if she bled in front of you? If you never expose yourself to human blood you'll have a harder time fighting it off than if you drink it in small doses regularly. It won't seem so taboo and forbidden. If you wanna keep eating Disney animals then feel free, but a little human element consensually given in the form of a blood bag will make you stronger and less prone to relapse."

Maybe Damon was right. He really didn't want him to be but his logic was sound.

"Has Elena called?"

"Only like a billion times." Damon smiled at him in jest and Stefan took a deep breath. He nodded and began to walk away. He had to face the music and see her. He reached the door and opened it before pondering on what Damon had related about John.

"Damon." He turned to look at him. Damon raised his eyebrows. "This thing John thinks you have. What is it?"

"I don't know yet." Damon huffed.

"Do you have it?" Stefan asked and Damon shot him his innocent look and smiled back at him. "Is it safe?"

"Safe as houses." Damon smirked and Stefan gave him a tight smile.

"I'll be back later and you can fill me in."

"Don't worry yourself brother, the world can just collapse around our feet while you go and suck up to your girlfriend. No pressure!" Damon joked but Stefan could tell he meant it. He swallowed feeling guilty for having gone so off the rails and leaving Damon to worry on his own. He gave him a quick nod and left.

Damon gave a chuckle as Stefan raced away in his car. Saint Stefan. How could he be the age he was and still think like a teenager? They had bigger problems that kissing up to girlfriends right now. A lot bigger. John Gilbert was a stone throw from exposing them and thanks to his ring, he was harder to kill. He just hoped that Stefan would pull himself together now and help him.

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Elena was being an angel as always. Stefan didn't deserve her at all. He sat down on her bed and listened to her talk about her problems with Jeremy. It seemed like Jeremy was working it all out and that scared her. She sacrificed so much to shield him from all of this.

"You should talk to him. Find out what he knows." He suggested and she nodded absentmindedly.

"With everything that's been going on, Isobel, John, the council…I haven't even told him that I'm adopted yet." She sighed and looked at him torn. He squeezed her hand in consolation. "How are you doing now? Are the cravings…"

"They're still hard but I think the worst is over now." He tried to give her his most reassuring smile. She looked down at the pillow beneath her and blushed slightly, making him tilt his head in curiosity.

"The other night, you were so…"

"I'm so sorry Elena. I've worked so hard for a long time to keep that part of me suppressed." He gulped.

"Were you always like that when you drank human blood?" She flicked her eyes up to him nervously.

"Most of the time." He replied honestly, waiting for her to call it quits to their relationship any minute.

"I didn't know you could feed from vampire blood too." He looked at her and felt his body tense. He didn't know what to say. "When you bit Damon, it seemed like you were feeding. You weren't just fighting with him, you…seemed to enjoy it."

He felt himself completely unprepared for this conversation. He rose from the bed slowly and walked over to look out of her window as she sat up and looked at him.

"Could you survive on drinking from other vampires?" She prodded. He folded his arms around himself as he considered how to respond.

"I don't know. Maybe. I've never tried." He struggled.

"You've never drank from one before now?" She just didn't get how uncomfortable this conversation was for him. She didn't understand about blood sharing and what it meant. How could he tell her that he had drank from others before only when they were being intimate sexually? It would make her believe that drinking from Damon was disgusting and sexual and that wasn't it. There was so much more to it than that. He didn't desire his brother sexually. He had just been so desperate, so hungry. When you were a vampire hunger blended everything together – love, hate, lust, sexual desire and formed one thing…hunger. Hunger like that didn't have any stipulations. Damon understood that, that's why he had made his offer to support him through this stage. Only another vampire could possibly understand.

"If you could survive on it, maybe…" She began and he turned around to face her.

"Elena, drinking from another vampire isn't something I'm interested in. Besides, me and Damon are the only ones in Mystic Falls." He said.

"There's Pearl and Anna." She pointed out and he sighed exasperated.

"I think sticking to animals is a better idea. If we could survive on vampire blood we wouldn't need people." She seemed to accept his answer and he breathed in relief. He moved back to sit on the bed with her and kissed her softly. He just wanted this whole mess to be over and to move on. He'd managed his animal feed today and it would get easier with time, he just had to stick with it no matter what Damon said.

Elena deepened their kiss and he sighed into her mouth peacefully. They lay back gently on her bed and held each other. He'd missed these gentle moments amid his faking of normalcy. He began to feel aroused as the heat of her body warmed him. He wanted her and he could tell she felt the same. He began to stroke up her sides, under her t-shirt as she gyrated. She was so warm inside, he loved it when they made love. His kisses became more heated as she pulled at his hips and he began to kiss down her throat as he lifted her shirt off. She was glorious and without a bra as he traced his lips down over her breasts. She hummed and urged him to continue as he got lost in her scent. He could smell her desire as he approached the top of her jeans and he hummed over her groin through the denim to make her gasp at the vibration radiating through her sex. She tilted up and he removed her jeans and panties. She was already swollen and ready for him and he smiled in lust and pulled his jeans off. He slid between her legs and began to kiss her again as he stroked over her folds with his fingertips gently enough to make her heart race.

"Uhhh…" She moaned and he carefully pushed himself inside of her as she closed her eyes. He moaned at her heat and began to move, still kissing her mouth passionately. Sex with her was always wonderful and he knew he would feel better after this. The gentler he was, the more she sweated and moaned, till he had to lay his head in her neck to stop himself from wanting to thrust harder into her. She was so fragile and breakable, he always had to stay in control when he was inside of her. The smell of her blood quickly caught his attention and he blinked and tried to focus on the sensations around his manhood instead. Sex was always consuming and he had hoped that the call of the blood would be drowned out by the ecstacy of sex. He moaned as he felt the beginning of his climax start to build. He kissed her neck, dragging his lips along her skin as saliva filled his mouth. The smell was glorious. He lifted his head away from it and tried to focus on her face instead as he rocked into her a little more insistently now. She climaxed under him and he closed his eyes speeding up.

"Oh god…" He moaned and opened his eyes to see her pulse beat frantically in the skin of her neck. He stared at it as it throbbed and felt his eyes tingle. She looked up at his face and gasped in fear and he realised how close he was to her skin again. He'd leaned in without realising and she was scared. He quickly pulled out of her and threw himself backwards from the bed into the wall behind him as he fought with himself. She sat up in fear and stared at him as he closed his eyes and breathed. He had to get out of here. He stood up and put on his clothes in a blur while she cried out in surprise. He blurred out of there so fast that he left the door flying open as she grabbed her blanket from the bed and held herself.

Stefan ran like a madman. He'd almost bitten her. He knew he couldn't do this, he'd told Damon he wasn't ready to be out and about again! He got to the Boarding house and marched inside planning on giving Damon a piece of his mind when he caught the scent of blood again. He moaned in anguish as he walked into the lounge and found Damon drinking a glass of blood poured from a blood bag. Why was Damon being so careless? Was he trying to make this harder? Damon turned around in surprise at Stefan's entry and raised his eyebrows.

"I told you I wasn't ready! I told you and you still let me out!" Stefan shouted and Damon sat his glass down and looked at him in concern. "I almost bit Elena!"

"Remember we talked about breathing? Just take it easy. Control it!" Damon snapped at him, but kept his expression of concern despite his tone. Stefan growled still feeling charged up for an argument. "Is Elena ok?" He asked gently.

"No thanks to you!"

"What did I do?" He countered.

"You let me out!"

"Because you were being an idiot! For god sake have some back bone Stefan." Stefan fumed. "Weren't you the one who poured blood into me to make me a big bad vampire just like you? Own it Stefan, for pity sake."

Stefan closed his eyes and tried not let anger rule his brain. Damon was right. This wasn't his fault, not really. Stefan's inability to control his urges was his fault alone. He opened his eyes and looked to the glass Damon was holding still. Damon noticed and sat it down in his direction.

"If you want it, have some. Just remember that you only have one. Be satisfied with that. Remember you can have another tomorrow. There's no need to gorge. Drink this and have another tomorrow, ok? Just one." Damon advised and Stefan reached for it shakily. He had promised himself that he wouldn't do it Damon's way but he didn't feel like he could stop himself when it was being handed to him. He put the glass to his lips and drank it slowly. The taste exploded in his mouth and he closed his eyes. So much better than deer. Damon watched him closely as he finished it off and sat it down.

"Better?" Damon probed and Stefan felt his eyes still tingling.

"How much was in that?"

"Enough."

"That wasn't a whole blood bag." Stefan countered, already trying to think of excuses as to how he could have just a little more. Damon snorted.

"It was enough for now Stefan."

"You drank some of it too. How's that fair that I get your left overs?" Stefan walked over to him and Damon's eyes widened.

"Listen to me. That's the hunger talking. It doesn't matter what I would give you right now. I could give you ten blood bags and you would be feeling the same. Do you get that?" Damon squeezed his shoulders. "It's always going to feel the same, you just have to learn that what you're feeling isn't the truth of it. One glass a day is enough."

"I just want a full bag that's all. You have a full bag, why can't I?"

"Stefan." Damon gritted his teeth and Stefan caught sight of the traces of blood lingering inside Damon's mouth. Stefan zeroed in on his lips, noticing evidence of his feeding and Damon stepped back from him perturbed by the attention. The veins in Stefan's eyes tingled again and Damon huffed annoyed.

"Control it!" Damon spat.

"Screw this!" Stefan made to move down to the basement to get another bag when Damon grabbed his arm forcefully. Stefan growled and shoved him from him.

"It's not there anymore. I've hidden it." Damon shouted after him and Stefan stopped in his tracks. "Sorry. You're a liability. I will give you some more tomorrow but you'll just have to content yourself till then."

"Who do you think you are?!" Stefan shouted aggressively and Damon folded his arms. He dove for him, knocking Damon against a side table. Damon fell back and growled.

"No more human blood for you till you straighten out. I warned you!" Damon replied. Stefan roared and punched him. They began to fight brutally as Stefan vented his frustration. Damon didn't put up much of a fight and after five minutes Stefan realised that Damon was doing this to distract him, to tire him out and relieve some of the urge to drink again. He should have felt grateful but in honesty he still felt like Damon was playing him. He punched Damon's nose and it burst, making Damon groan as he brought his hands up to wipe the blood away protectively. Stefan seized his opportunity and grabbed him, pulling him forward as he bit into Damon's neck again. Damon yelled in surprise and fell back into a lamp, taking Stefan with him. Damon's blood tasted strongly of the O Neg he had just drank. It was almost as good as drinking from a blood bag itself. It was curious. The one benefit of drinking from Damon instead was that his blood was warm and spicey because of the element of vampire blood.

Stefan pressed himself into him and delighted in the taste as he gulped and ran his tongue over the wound to catch every drop pouring out of Damon's neck. Damon wasn't fighting him or struggling, just waiting for Stefan to feel satisfied. Stefan drank and drank until he began to feel calm and happy. He sighed peacefully and pulled his lips away. He sighed again and opened his eyes. Damon's eyes were closed and it brought Stefan back to reality. He pulled back to arms length and frowned. Damon opened his eyes groggily.

"I'm sorry…" Stefan stuttered and Damon exhaled loudly and closed his eyes again. "Damon?" Stefan cupped Damon's cheek in concern.

"It's alright." Damon mumbled. "I'm ok." Stefan stepped back from him shakily as Damon slumped leaning into the wall for support.

"I didn't mean to…"

"At least it was me brother." Damon opened his eyes again and gave him a weak smile. Stefan let out a shaky breath and bit his lip. "How do you feel?" Damon winced as he pushed himself away from the wall to stand on his own.

"Normal. I'm in control." Stefan assured him nervously and Damon nodded and began to move along the hallway towards the stairs.

"Damon can I get you something?" Stefan asked, desperate to know how he could help, if he could help. His mind was whirling over what was happening. Damon groaned and shook his head as he climbed the stairs with some effort and left Stefan to clear up the mess they had made.