Chapter 4

It was amazingly liberating not to have to fight the hunger anymore or to have to struggle with how much he wanted to drink from Damon. Damon had given permission that he could feed daily and it felt like such a huge weight off of Stefan's shoulders. He felt so happy and strong. Things with Elena were improving on account of it too. It seemed as though everything was going to be ok.

"Stefan." Damon called as he walked down the hallway to his bedroom. He stopped and looked in as Damon put his watch on his wrist. "I'm going to the hospital. Liz needs my help dealing with some council stuff while Caroline recovers."

"Great. Jeremy had a rough night. Elena caught him with a bottle of Anna's blood last night."

"He drank it?" Damon frowned.

"Yeah. I've told her not to let him out of her sight. I'm going to go round and keep him under house arrest until it's out of his system." Stefan leaned against the doorframe as Damon shook his head and sighed.

"You should eat. Especially if you're going to be around a suicidal teenager all day." Damon advised and Stefan gave a small smile. Damon unbuttoned the top buttons of his shirt and opened the collar wide to reveal his neck. Stefan came towards him, a little unsure of whether it would be more advisable to drink from his wrist instead.

"You want me to drink from your neck again?" He asked nervously and Damon looked at him a little confused as to why Stefan was reiterating something so obvious back to him.

"I can't be bothered undoing my cuffs." Damon replied and Stefan nodded. Damon moved backwards to sit on his bed and Stefan followed him, kneeling down on the floor and leaning into his neck. Damon was so relaxed, texting on his phone as Stefan bit down and began to drink. Damon must have just had a blood bag, the taste was so fresh and human-y. Stefan felt his eyes roll into his head as his stomach sang happily. He closed his eyes and relaxed into it. After a few gulps he brought his arms up and held Damon to him and Damon ceased his texting and let him. Damon hung his arms relaxed and sat his cell down on the mattress beside him, bringing one arm up to hold Stefan gently, almost as though he was soothing him. Stefan drank for a few minutes and then licked his tongue over the wound and sighed. His body was warm and happy and he felt so comfortable with the way Damon was holding him back that he lay his head on Damon's shoulder and hugged him. Damon seemed to be a little slow in his response but he gave Stefan a reassuring squeeze back and Stefan released him from the hug and looked at him to make sure he was ok. Damon's expression looked a little strange and Stefan frowned in concern.

"Are you alright? Did I take too much?"

"No. It's fine." Damon gave him a tight smile, but Stefan got the vibe that there was something not right with him. Damon cleared his throat and smiled again, buttoning his collar back up as his skin healed. Stefan stood up again, still watching him.

"Thanks."

"You don't have to keep thanking me Stefan. This is my way of making sure you don't fall off of the wagon. Think of it as an investment on my part." Damon explained and Stefan nodded and smiled. Damon chuckled and shook his head.

"What?" Stefan cornered.

"I've never seen you smile so much. You usually seemed to have some trauma or dear diary moment until recently."

"Well we do live in Mystic falls surrounded by constant near death experiences brother."

"It doesn't stop me from smiling and having some fun."

"Yeah but you are the master villain aren't you?" Stefan joked and Damon smirked and stood up, moving to grab a blood bag from a small fridge he had put in here. Stefan relaxed as he popped it into his pocket.

"It's ok, I think I can deal with it now. You don't have to hide your feeding anymore." Stefan offered and Damon smirked.

"One step at a time ok?"

"Alright." Stefan shrugged. He really felt amazing and he was sure it wouldn't bother him to smell human blood now. Not when he knew he could technically have some by way of Damon. The lust for it was much lessened now.

Stefan left and spent the day making sure Jeremy didn't hurt himself as Damon tried to intercede in some hairy moments between Liz and Carol Lockwood. Caroline's prognosis wasn't good and Elena had come by with Bonnie to discover just how badly she was doing. Damon wasn't sure exactly how he ended up getting involved but he did and he couldn't stand to see Elena so upset that Caroline might die. He'd suggested using his blood to heal her. After much encouragement and an icy reception from Bonnie towards him, Elena agreed that he should do it. He'd given just a little and Elena had seemed happy. He had an aching desire to rip Bonnie's witchy little head off for almost getting them killed last night but what would be the point really? Instead he opted to take Elena home and thank her for her part in ensuring that Bonnie helped Stefan rescue him. When they got back to her house they could hear shouting within and they both dashed inside in fear.

"Get away from me!" It was Stefan's voice and they looked to each other in confusion as they darted up the stairs.

"Change me then!" Jeremy was demanding. Damon blurred into Jeremy's room and was aghast at the sight before him. Elena gasped as she arrived just behind him to see Jeremy waving a bleeding wrist in Stefan's direction as Stefan panted like a cornered animal.

"Jer stop!" She shouted and Stefan looked to Damon desperately as the veins in his eyes took over. Damon dashed for him and caught him as he went for Jeremy. Elena screamed and even Jeremy fell back as Stefan foamed at the mouth. Damon caught him around his waist and held him from behind as he called Stefan's name trying to get him to snap out of it. Stefan was long gone though and although they had agreed not to let Elena in on their extracurricular feeding activities, Damon knew he had no choice but to act. He forced his wrist against Stefan's mouth and Stefan bit down and held him there with his arms, like iron. Elena's mouth fell open as Stefan calmed and drank hungrily. Damon fell back on top of a dresser and held him to his chest, trying to avoid catching Elena's eyes.

"What the hell?" Jeremy said alarmed and looked at Elena for answers. She couldn't tear her eyes from Stefan.

"Jer, go downstairs. Don't dare do anything stupid." She warned and he quietly left the room in shock. Stefan moaned and panted in satisfaction and she felt her heckles rise a little that he was obviously feeling pleasure. Did that make Damon competition somehow? She knew it was ridiculous but somehow she couldn't shake that feeling off. Stefan slowed and dropped Damon's wrist gradually, licking his lips and opening his eyes again. He looked high.

"What's going on?" She folded her arms and looked to them both.

"He came at me, I swear I didn't…" Stefan began to explain about Jeremy, but that wasn't what she was asking right now. Damon pulled an expression of discomfort and slight embarrassment and Stefan realised what she was referring to. He was still leaning into Damon behind him and he immediately stood up straight and stepped away from him. He and Damon exchanged glances.

"It's nothing." Stefan said and she blinked at him in disbelief. Damon bit his lip.

"You call that nothing?" She asked and looked to Damon who appeared to be trying to melt into the wall paper. "He's feeding on you?"

"It's no big deal." He justified.

"It's helping me control myself."

"It doesn't look like it. If we hadn't gotten here when we did…"

"We did, ok? Cut him some slack. You don't know what it's like." Damon defended.

"How can you say that? How can you act like this is nothing? Both of you! Stefan you've told me a hundred times that you can't handle human blood that you have to avoid it completely."

"And he is. He's drinking my blood, there are no human bodies lying around the Boarding House."

"It keeps me strong Elena." He approached her taking her hands in his as he implored her to understand. "I get a lot of the stuff I need from Damon's blood because he can feed normally when I can't. I need this. If I'm going to be strong enough to protect you, I need to have this."

"Don't make this about me Stefan. I would never have wanted you to do this. You sound like a drug addict."

"He is. We're vampires Elena." Damon sighed and she scowled at him in annoyance.

"You're making him worse. The longer it takes for him to get back onto the animal blood, the harder his withdrawal will be."

"I'm standing right here." Stefan reminded her looking vexed and she looked to him, emotion filling her expression.

"I can't be with you if I can't trust you." She whispered and he squeezed her hands.

"You can trust me."

"So why did you hide this from me then? How long have you been feeding from him?"

"Right here!" Damon sighed and Stefan looked at him in exasperation. "You know what kids, I've have grown up things to do. I'll leave you to it. Remember and close the window behind you Dawson." Damon smirked at Stefan as he walked around them and left. Stefan stared after him as he left with a tight expression.

"You enjoy it don't you?" She asked when he returned his attention to her. He raised his eyebrows in question. "Feeding on him. You enjoy it." He felt himself become defensive and he let go of her hands as he tried to think of a response.

"It's food. That's all. It's like you enjoying a cheeseburger."

"I generally don't eat cheeseburgers off of my brother."

"What are you implying?" He folded his arms.

"Are you…feeling…"

"What?" He snapped at her.

"The way he describes feeding is sensual, like, like…like it turns him on." She stumbled and Stefan exhaled as his face grew red. "When you feed on him, do you want to…?"

"For god sake Elena! I can't believe you would even…you can't understand. You're human. He understands what this is like for me, he's here for me to get me through this. There's nothing more to it than that!"

"Why are you being so defensive?"

"Because you're accusing me!"

"I'm just trying to understand." She sighed, rubbing her eyes tiredly.

"You can't. Just trust me. I know what I'm doing. Just get off my back." He didn't want to talk about this anymore. He had to get some air. He walked past her as she stood unflinching. He felt mad and he needed to blow off some steam. She didn't get it, she could never get it. Damon had been right. Damon was the only one who understood him right now. He was surprised to find Damon sitting in his car outside when he left the house. He walked over and leaned on the door as Damon leant his arm out of the window.

"Thought you were gone." Stefan said, aggravation still evident in his voice and Damon gave him a small smile.

"I figured you might need a quick getaway."

Stefan couldn't suppress a smile and walked around and jumped in the other door as Elena watched from her window. They sped off like two mischievous runaways as she turned around and sat down on Jeremy's bed. She had no idea what was happening, but one thing she did knows was that this was very wrong. Neither of them seemed to be able to see the feeding for what it was – a temporary fix. Damon's blood was Stefan's new methadone and even Damon's judgement was clouded now. What was she going to do when it was clear that they planned to exclude her from their decisions on the matter?

She couldn't just sit back and ignore this, not when Stefan had fought so hard all of these years to get control of himself. She couldn't help but feel a little strange about the fact that it was Damon he was feeding from in particular. Wasn't it kind of incestuous? She'd suggested the idea to Stefan herself when she'd been wondering if he could survive that way and not have to be in so much pain all of the time but now that she had seen it again, after that first attack in the woods…the way Damon had encouraged it this time as though he wanted it to happen…Was she just imagining that? Had Damon just did the only thing he could think of to save Jeremy from harm or had it been for another reason? She shook her head. No, if she started thinking like that, who knows how she'd feel. They were brothers and they cared for one another that was all, they were both just deluded in how to deal with this situation.

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They drove home discussing how irrational Elena was being. It felt good to have Damon back him up on that, to defend his way of thinking. It was nice and reminded him of how close they used to be in that respect.

"I'm sorry I lost it back there with Jeremy. He took me by surprise."

"Like I said Stef, one step at a time." Damon kept his eyes on the road as Stefan looked over at him and smiled.

"Thank god you were there." He blew a breath out and ran his hands through his hair.

"You're welcome." Damon smiled. "She'll come around." He added and glanced at him comfortingly. Stefan nodded. Right now he actually didn't care, he didn't want to think about it all.

"Have you had any other blood but mine today?"

"No. I'm ok."

"Stefan you can't survive on just my blood. You need to keep hunting. Hunting down your furry friends will help control your urges, vent some adrenaline. It's just as important."

"How do you vent your adrenaline? I mean, you're not drinking from people any more, not up to your old tricks are you?" Stefan asked in a light tone and Damon chuckled. "You're not prowling around the sororities when I'm not looking are you?"

"No time with all of you dragging me into near death apocalyptic situations these days." Damon drolled.

"How do you control it? You don't work out." Stefan pointed out. Stefan worked out a lot to try and keep a lid on his adrenaline levels, but Damon's only exercise seemed to be lifting his bourbon glass. Damon flashed him a wicked smile.

"Oh brother where is your libido?" Damon rolled his eyes in jest.

"You call that exercise?" Stefan laughed and Damon chuckled.

"Sex with me is definitely exercise brother." They both burst into laughter.

"It must be amazing to be able to feed at the same time."

"You never done it?"

"How can I?" Stefan said seriously and Damon shook his head.

"Ever? With another vamp?"

"No."

"Damn you've missed out." Damon grinned.

"What's it like?" Stefan asked in curiosity.

"Like the world could be ending at the foot of the bed and you wouldn't notice." Stefan nodded trying to imagine what that would feel like. "Anyway, back to point – you need to make sure you're still hunting. You might have been ok if you had today."

"Your blood tastes so much better."

"I'm dead Stefan. You need the living stuff."

"Ever wonder what would happen if I didn't drink any living stuff? I mean, I've never heard of anyone doing that but maybe it would be ok."

"That's a dream Stefan. If we could survive that way then we would have started to before now."

"We don't know that." Stefan stated and Damon gave a long sigh.

"Just trust me on this Stefan. Even if I wanted to I couldn't be your only source of food." Stefan pouted a little but somehow there was a voice in his head that agreed. Damon was talking sense. Damon looked over at him when Stefan remained silent. "I'm not saying we can't continue, but you have to get yourself in check. This isn't going to be easy for Elena now that she knows. We should start to gradually decrease how much you drink from me to wean you off of it."

"Wean me off?" Stefan sat up straighter in surprise.

"Well you can't feed on me forever Stefan." Damon gave a small chuckle and Stefan felt his chest constrict a little. Was Damon going to take this away from him so soon? He was just starting to connect with him, to feel like they shared something. Damon thought for a few minutes and slowly pulled the car over onto the side of the road. Stefan looked at him quizzically. Damon got out and Stefan jumped out to figure out what he was doing as Damon began walking into the woods.

"Damon?" Stefan followed him to a clearing and Damon turned around to face him.

"You need to eat brother, properly." Stefan scrunched up his nose and opened his mouth to argue when Damon interrupted him. "I'll hunt with you ok? Maybe if I drink some bambi you'll get used to the taste again when you drink from me."

"What for?"

"Because I don't want Elena to be right ok? I don't want you feeding on me to hold you back. If I taste like deer, then maybe you'll find it easier just to hunt deer rather than make your girlfriend jealous."

"Jealous? Damon what the hell…"

"Stefan come on! She's not that clueless. There's a part of her that realises drinking from me is weird. She might not understand blood sharing but she saw you today."

"I didn't mean to…"

"I know." Damon squeezed his shoulders as Stefan tried to fight his embarrassment. "You can't help it, it's natural to enjoy feeding, but it might have come across…sexual to her and I'm your brother."

Stefan gulped and nodded in agreement. That was exactly what she had said or had tried to intimate. His heart sank a little that even Damon was being guided by the logic of human morals. He didn't want to lose this. His sadness reflected in his expression and Damon gave him a squeeze again.

"Let's eat." Damon encouraged and let go of him as he blurred away into the woods. Stefan sighed in grief, looking around and trying to find motivation to hunt. He tuned his ears in and blurred following the sound. It didn't take him long to catch a large buck and he drank as much as he could bear before releasing the animal alive. He stood up unsatisfied and wiped his mouth as he heard Damon grumble to his left. He began walking in his direction and heard the unmistakeable sounds of Damon groaning and spitting. He chuckled to himself and smiled. Damon had never fed on animals before and so he had no idea how different their blood tasted. Damon was frowning and holding his stomach unhappily as Stefan found him.

"You get used to it." Stefan smiled and Damon tried his best to appear ambivalent.

"Did you eat?"

"Yeah."

"Good." Damon said, spitting again as though he was fighting back bile. Stefan remembered how many times he had vomited until he'd been able to get used to animal blood. He stroked his back comfortingly and Damon chuckled. "Well, this is sure to sour the milk for you." Stefan tightened his expression and exhaled. "Try it and see." Damon offered and Stefan leaned into his neck and bit down to taste him. The taste was different but not as bad as the animal blood on its own, as he suspected. Damon had his own taste and now that there was no human blood, Stefan could actually identify it more easily. He held Damon to him and drank a little more. Damon's spicy taste was helping to relieve the bitterness of the deer blood. Damon became a little rigid as he continued, sucking gently with reverence and stroking Damon's back unconsciously. Damon let out a sigh and tensed.

"Stefan." He mumbled in warning but Stefan wanted just a little more. Just a little more. He held him a little tighter to him and frowned as he felt Damon's manhood stir. Damon was aroused. He should stop now. He should really make this mouthful his last. Just one more and then he'd let him go. Damon gave a small moan and tried to push Stefan backwards but Stefan just wanted a little more so he held him and stroked his back reassuringly as Damon began to pant and squirm slightly.

"Stefan you've got to stop now!"

Damon was just urgent because he was aroused and he was worried that Stefan would freak about that, but it was no big deal. Like Damon had said earlier – it was natural to be turned on by feeding. It was natural and healthy for them. Stefan didn't want Damon to worry about that on his behalf, he had to show him it was ok. As he swallowed more, he brought one hand around to the front of Damon's body and stroked over his erection to show him it was ok if he needed to let himself go. Damon inhaled sharply and tried to separate them. Why was Damon acting so modestly? They were both men, their bodies had these reactions, it was no big deal. It wasn't like they hadn't seen each other naked before. Damon's struggling seemed a little light hearted as he panted, so Stefan knew he was just trying to stop this for both of their sakes rather than because he wanted to. Stefan made the split second decision to help him release so he could continue to drink for a little while longer without a fight. He slipped his hand inside Damon's pants and took a hold of his member.

"Ahh! Stefan what are you doing?" Damon whined, panting and trying not to gyrate into Stefan's hand as Stefan began to pump him and squeeze him. "Stefan please…uhhhh!" Damon was moving his hips in time with Stefan's hand now and unravelling as he moaned helplessly. "Stop it, you can't…uhhhh, uhhhhhh…!" Damon's body froze and tensed as he climaxed into Stefan's hand and Stefan closed his eyes and sighed happily as Damon melted into him breathing.