Hey guys sorry for the hiatus. I've had a really awful week at work and been incapable of happy zen thoughts;-( Thank god I have Stefan and Damon to play with.

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Chapter 5

He drank one more gulp and retracted his fangs, licking over the wound contentedly. He removed his hand from Damon's pants and stepped back to wipe it with a handkerchief as Damon leaned on a tree for support and cupped over himself in disbelief. Damon had his eyes closed firmly.

"Why did you do that?" His voice was strained and barely above a whisper.

"I could feel you were bursting." Stefan explained innocently and Damon opened his eyes and didn't respond. "You said it was normal. I figured I could help you with it so I could take a little more."

"There was nothing normal about what you just did."

"Was it not good?"

"That is so far from the point." Damon sighed and Stefan frowned. Damon didn't seem to be angry but he wasn't happy either. Stefan raised his eyebrows in query. Damon shook his head.

"Damon come on, we're both guys. It's not like we haven't jerked off before."

"We've never jerked each other off!"

"Yeah but it's not like it meant anything. You're my brother for god sake. I just wanted to ease your discomfort."

Damon didn't know what to say, all he could do was stare at him. Stefan waited patiently, unsure of what all the fuss was about. It wasn't like he wanted to suck Damon off or sleep with him. Damon was acting as though it was.

"I'm sorry. I thought I was helping." Stefan offered as Damon continued to stare. "Damon come on."

"We shouldn't do this anymore." Damon said and Stefan felt panic start to rise in him. He stepped closer and Damon backed away so he stopped, hurt at that movement.

"You're acting like I'm coming onto you or something." Stefan said hurt and Damon shook his head and bit his lip.

"Stefan you can't touch me like that, it's weird, it's…"

"I just didn't want you to be…"

"I can't let you…"

"We're both grownups! If me feeding makes you feel like you have to release then what's the problem? You are giving me so much and you don't get anything back." Damon stopped what he was saying and hung his mouth open, squinting at Stefan in disbelief.

"Are you suggesting that…?"

"Let me help if you need it. Completely platonically." Stefan offered and Damon almost laughed in shock.

"You can't be serious!"

"I don't see the problem. I get pleasure when I feed from you. You don't see me complaining about it, because you're my brother. It's not about you, it's just a consequence of you being my donor." How was it that the way Stefan was putting it so plainly and logically, seemed so much less of a deal than what Damon knew was really happening. Damon swallowed and tried to clear his head. It had been a great orgasm but…No this was fucked up.

"Please brother." Stefan said in a small voice and Damon looked at him. "I need you. I can't do this on my own."

Damon groaned internally and chewed his lip as Stefan put his puppy dog face on. He knew it wasn't an act though. Stefan wouldn't ask for help unless he really needed it. What the hell was he going to do? First off, he had to shower and go and find a few girls to bang. He needed to get the memory of Stefan's hand caressing him and making him spill over himself, out of his mind pronto. He nodded gravely and Stefan sighed looking relieved.

"Don't touch me." Damon put his finger up to make the point clear and Stefan nodded. They travelled back to the boarding house in uncomfortable silence and Damon raced away to shower. He wasn't sure how to feel about this. What had started out as a brotherly bonding session had turned strange. He wondered if he should feel a little violated but truth was that it had been amazing when Stefan had started to touch him. Perhaps because the feeling of being fed from was so encompassing. He went on the prowl, forgetting about his plan to drink from animals. He couldn't stand to have to drink that stuff again tonight, he needed a nice warm female bosom to suck on and find it he did, multiple times. He rounded a few girls up and compelled them to his bed that night, showing off his sexual skills to them and feeding into the early hours of the morning until he heard Stefan rousing.

He probably shouldn't have feed from them with Stefan so near along the hall. He must be able to smell the blood. At the time all he had been concerned about was satisfying himself though. He came out of his room, leaving the sleeping naked girls to curl into the mattress and closed the door firmly behind him. Stefan was in the kitchen making coffee. He entered to check on him.

"Have fun last night?" Stefan asked with his back turned to him.

"Yeah, sorry about the smell."

"It's fine." Stefan said but he still hadn't turned around to face him. Damon fidgeted nervously.

"I'll get rid of them."

"I don't care." Stefan said loosely and Damon folded his arms. "You're going to taste like them."

"Yeah about that, listen I think maybe you should try and just do the deer thing for a few days. I should just be a backup." That got Stefan turning to face him.

"But…"

"Just try it Stefan. If you can't do it then come to me." Damon explained and Stefan looked pained.

"You know how hard that is going to be."

"You've done it before many times Stefan. You've just stopped believing you can do it. You have to try."

Stefan nodded, paling slightly and Damon gave him a small smile and returned to his room to get rid of the humans. Stefan sat down at the countertop and took a deep breath. It had been such a rough night and when Damon had brought those girls home he had felt so angry and jealous about it. He wanted to be able to feed like that, without having to worry.

He quickly gathered his things and headed out into the woods. He didn't want to have to be around when Damon's new sorority meals came downstairs. As he walked into the woods he thought on what had happened last night. Now that he'd slept on it, he could see how weird it was that he'd touched Damon like that. It hadn't been that much of a conscious thought. He'd just wanted to drink more and saw that as the only way to get Damon to let him. He'd been trying to see it from Damon perspective though and he would have felt weirded out too if Damon had slid his hands down his pants. Still, he had never been fed from before so he had no idea what Damon was actually feeling. Did animals get turned on when he fed from them? He had no basis for comparison. He should ask Damon more about it to try and alleviate his discomfort. Damon was still acting strange though. In truth Damon had been a little odd all throughout this experiment of theirs but they'd never talked about it properly. He should go home and talk to him.

He hunted a few deer and choked their blood down. He had to be seen to be trying. As he left the woods his cell wrang. He pulled it out to hear Elena's frightened voice.

"What's wrong?"

"It's uncle John, I found him in the kitchen! He's been attacked. Stefan they cut his fingers off to get his ring!" She cried and Stefan could hear that an ambulance was just pulling up outside of her house.

"I'll be right there."

"I'm going to the hospital with him. Can you meet us there?" She begged and he automatically agreed before he had the chance to consider that. She hung up and he ran the rest of the way back to the boarding house.

"Damon?!" He called and Damon blurred down the stairs at Stefan's tone.

"What's wrong?"

"Someone got in and tried to get John Gilbert's ring. Someone's here and they know about it."

"Is he dead?"

"No. I'm going to the hospital to find out more." Stefan said as he grabbed his car keys and Damon stood in front of him, halting his exit. He looked at him in question.

"Stefan, you can't go to a hospital."

"What?"

"Are you crazy? You can't be around people who are bleeding." Damon emphasized the word 'bleeding'.

"I fed on some deer, ok? Just like you commanded. I can't leave Elena to deal with this on her own."

"Commanded?" Damon said in surprise and Stefan huffed. "It's not like this is how I want things to be Stefan. I'm just pointing it out." Damon folded his arms and Stefan could feel anger bubble inside of him.

"If you're so worried about my self control, let me drink from you before I go." Stefan countered and Damon's expression tightened.

"Or, I will go to the hospital and you stay here and detox brother."

"Afraid I'm going to touch you again? You seem so obsessed with the idea that I want to." Stefan spit and Damon was gobsmacked for a few seconds as he took in how angry Stefan appeared.

"You did." He said finally through gritted teeth and Stefan shook his head and moved around him.

"Thanks for making this so much easier Damon." Stefan grunted as he slammed the door. Damon stood in the hallway breathing for a while, trying to think about what to do now.

He should have gone with him to make sure he could handle himself, but in all honesty he was relieved to have some Stefan-free time to think. He couldn't figure out what was going on in Stefan's head. Stefan hadn't been this needy and reliant on him since they were human brothers. He wasn't used to it, to the feeling of responsibility anymore. After Elena's outburst he had started to wonder if she was right, but then he couldn't exactly leave Stefan to it, could he? Maybe he should lock him up for a while and detox him that way. It could work. That way he could feed him animal blood only and not have to let Stefan drink from him. That'd be best.

He sat down in his armchair and closed his eyes sighing. Stefan's pleading for help was unusual. They had spent so much time hating each other, mistrust was rife in their relationship. Stefan would never normally beg for his help but he was now and his emotions were all over the place. Damon's emotions were all over the place too as a result. How could you fight something as natural to you as brotherhood? Is that what they had again? If it was, what was a safe extension of that role? Should he stop kidding himself that Stefan feeding on him wasn't turning him on and making him want to continue? It had started out as a way of keeping Stefan under control and he had liked that he had a little power over Stefan in that way, but now Damon was starting to enjoy it. Enjoy it! That really messed with his head because he knew that the longer this continued the more his sense of reason might leave him and he might actually accept Stefan's offer of releasing him during feeding. That would be a disaster. What would that even make them?

A few hours slipped past as Damon sat going over it all in his head worriedly, until he heard a knock at the door. He got up in surprise. Who could that be? He opened the door and was surprised to find Elena standing alone staring at him nervously.

"Hey. Where's Stefan?"

"He's still at the hospital trying to get information out of John." She sighed and he stepped aside to let her in.

"You left him there? Are you crazy?" Damon asked in disbelief and she gave him an authorative look.

"He seemed ok, in control. I wouldn't have left him there otherwise. I guess the task of getting John to talk has taken over his hunger." She said and he shook his head and frowned. "I wanted to talk to you about that."

"I bet." He said dryly and motioned for her to come and sit in the lounge. She sat down and looked to him. He shifted slightly under the intensity of her gaze and frowned.

"Alright take your pound of flesh."

"That's not why I came here."

"Oh?" He raised an eyebrow at her.

"I…wanted to thank you for helping him. I know that I don't really understand how it's helping but he seems to be less volatile today." Damon laughed internally at that assumption. No way was Stefan less volatile. Stefan had practically thrown a strop to equal teenage girls before he'd left to go to the hospital.

"Ok." He said unsure.

"I know it hurts him to be around me and I just wish there was something I could do about it." She looked down at her hands and Damon let out a sigh in sympathy.

"I don't know if maybe you were right all along Elena. He's leaning on me, he's not standing on his own just now."

"I'm glad he can though. You can be here for him when I can't. I've always known there was something between you two. I'm glad that you're not fighting it anymore." She gave him a smile and he felt himself straighten in his chair and flush.

"What do you mean?" His voice was croaky.

"Damon, you act tough and pretend that you don't care about him, but I know it's not true. You love him."

"I…"

"You don't have to say it. I just like that you're willing to let him in now. He loves you so much."

"He's my brother." Damon squeaked suddenly wondering whether Stefan had told her about what had happened. Where was she going with this?

"And I can't compete with you. I don't want to compete with you. We need to work together if we want him back to normal. Please don't shut me out." She leaned forward as she spoke and he stood up, trying to shake off his discomfort. Why did he feel guilty and annoyed and embarrassed all at once? He hadn't even done anything and yet her words were hitting him with meaning that she didn't seem to be aware of. He cleared his throat unsure of how to respond and gave her a silent nod as he tried not to blush. She stood up and embraced him. He became a little rigid as she nuzzled against his chest but he held her carefully, not used to affection like this from her. Normally she was careful about how she touched him because she knew he had feelings for her. He relaxed a little, enjoying how warm she was pressed against him. She sighed and blew her breath across his collarbone and he closed his eyes for a second. When he opened them she had pulled back slightly to look up into his face. He was caught in her gaze entranced. Her eyes were so large and full of emotion. God if only he could kiss her. She was so beautiful. She flicked her eyes to his lips and licked her own and he felt his loins stir in desire. He held his breath as she slowly leaned into him and placed her lips onto his. He didn't know what to do so he did nothing. She began to kiss him sweetly and he found himself unable to resist her. He wanted her and she was making the moves. As they kissed he held her with more intention and ran his hand up her back and into her hair.

He didn't think or question it, he just went with the flow until a large crashing sound made them separate in surprise. Damon turned towards the sound to see Stefan fuming and looking like he was going to kill him. The veins in Stefan's eyes came out and he growled, fangs barred at him and Damon blinked trying to collect his wits as he dove for him. Elena screamed and moved aside as they fought, with Damon trying to grab him and control him.

"Stefan calm down!" He roared but Stefan was like a man possessed, his eyes burning like fire. Stefan hadn't fought this dirty in years and Damon took a few hits to the face that surprised him. Stefan was normally so reserved and tried to avoid fighting but now it was as though he was trying to beat Damon to within an inch of his life as they crashed around and groaned in pain. After a few minutes Stefan had to stop to breathe and recover. They were both messed up and in pain. Damon saw his opportunity and rammed a broken chair leg into Stefan's stomach, pinning him into the wall for a second as Stefan's eyes bulged open in pain, before pulling it back out to disable him. Stefan fell to the floor gasping as Damon tried to wipe the blood from his face. Stefan had broken at least three facial bones and his jaw in his assault and enough was enough!

He gasped for breath, wincing as he tried to push his broken bones back into place and watched as Stefan held himself almost sobbing. It must be excruciating considering he didn't heal as well without human blood. A sense of guilt came over Damon as he watched tears rolls down Stefan's cheeks. What had he done? He'd kissed his brothers girl then impaled him simply for taking out his justifiable anger. With that thought he quickly spun around looking for Elena wildly. She must be terrified.

"Elena?" Damon called in anxiety, but she was nowhere to be seen. Stefan made a sound between a sob and groan of pain and Damon turned back to him, dropping the chair leg.

"Are you ok?" He said, his voice laced with surprised remorse and Stefan tried to sit up, holding himself as blood coated the floor and his clothing. Damon swallowed.

"How could you?" Stefan sobbed in anger and Damon didn't know what to say. Stefan knew he wanted her too, why was it such a surprise to him Damon would kiss her? Oh that's right, they were supposed to be brothers again, close. He shook his head. They had ways to go before they could be like that again, if even at all. Damon wasn't that guy anymore. He did what he wanted always. And yet…

He moved forward to help Stefan to his feet but Stefan pushed him away as he stumbled, leaning against the wall gasping at the continuing pain.

"Don't touch me. I saw it all."

"What?" Damon asked warily.

"She kissed you." Stefan said in agony and Damon remained silent. Stefan looked at him briefly as he was overcome by sadness. Damon instinctively leaned in towards him and Stefan pushed him away again. "I hope you're happy with yourself."

"Stefan…" Damon began to say but Stefan waved his hand at him and struggled out of the house, trailing blood along the floor as he went. Damon ran his hands through his hair and searched for his cell phone to call Elena.

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Stefan walked as far as he could before he fell to his knees in the woods and cried until he had no tears left. He'd seen it all - seen her as she had peered into Damon's eyes and initiated that kiss. He didn't really blame Damon strangely. Damon had made no secret of his longing for her and he had simply responded like any man would to that situation. It hurt though…god it hurt so much. They were the two people in his life he cared about the most, despite Damon's behaviour and malice at times and they had betrayed him, made him feel like a fool. Was it his fault? Was it because he was so weak? Damon didn't have to abstain from normal blood. He could be strong and heal immediately and protect her. He was a normal functioning vampire when instead Stefan was…what? A vampire Frankenstein somehow? Prevented from being able to be what he was because of his lack of ability not to kill everything around him?

He stood up slowly, painfully as his stomach struggled to heal and headed onwards. He'd had enough of this constant battle with himself. It was too hard, too exhausting and it was never going to change or get any better. Damon's blood seemed to have given him a bit of his life back but now he could feel it in his bones that Damon wouldn't let him anymore. If only Damon wasn't his brother, if only he wasn't a man. If he could feed from a woman vampire perhaps they could have some sort of arrangement, but there was no one he could trust with something like this. It was so private and humiliating, there really had only been one person in the world he could have trusted and that person just had his tongue down Elena's throat.

Stefan let out a sigh as he finally reached the lake and sat down in a heap on the ground. It was so beautiful here, so serene. He'd always loved this place. It seemed apt that he should end up here. He watched the water lap up to the bank as he calmed and tried to meditate. He closed his eyes and inhaled the smell of the sun beginning to rise. Such a strange but comforting smell, as though the air was on fire somehow. He smiled at the thought of inhaling the sun beams as the sun rose before him and cast light over him, almost hugging him warmly. He exhaled and thought of Lexi. She would have loved this spot, but of course she was gone now. His only real friend. He lay back in the grass and looked up to watch the sky change colours. Everything the light touched seemed to come alive as if brand new. Every day life regenerated around them and they didn't notice it. Life everywhere but in them. Except Elena had been his light, his hope of change, of a life and now she wanted Damon. Stefan sat up and looked down at his hands. They were coated in his own blood and Damon's blood too. He pulled his ring off his finger, dazzling at how it gleamed despite the blood and tossed it into the lake as he lay back down again.