Chapter 7

The next few days had been challenging to say the least. Stefan still wasn't right and feeding on Damon so regularly had made them both so horny and testy it was unreal. Damon usually went out on the prowl when he felt like this but he didn't have the time to get laid, not when they had bigger problems to keep them occupied. Caroline had been turned into a vampire by Katherine in the middle of the night and now everyone was freaking out. Damon's typical nonchalance when it came to Caroline's welfare became apparent through his refusal to accept any other plan that putting her out of her misery and their care. Elena and Stefan refused, even though Stefan knew he was right. Things started to feel a little normal, with Damon pulling back into himself and acting selfishly like before and Elena and Stefan ganging up together. The only moments Damon seemed to open up were when Stefan had to feed.

Damon had been trying to regulate the feeding and gradually reduce the amount Stefan was taking in order to give them some sort of linear path of progress to monitor, but Stefan never made it easy. Now that he knew Damon was aroused and enjoyed it, he used that to let Damon give him a little more at times, before Damon became wise to it pretty quickly.

Damon shivered, biting his lip as Stefan sucked from his wrist. Since Damon had began to observe his tactics and not give in to them, Stefan was getting better at not losing his control because he knew that if he took too much Damon wouldn't feed him as regularly. It was as though Damon was trying to nurse him.

Stefan sighed in pleasure and Damon's cheeks began to glow.

"Enough. Stop." Damon whispered straining to keep desire from his tone and Stefan groaned but retracted his fangs. He licked over Damon's wrist appreciatively and allowed Damon to pull away. Damon stood up and moved a safe distance away from him, doing up the cuffs on his shirt as Stefan breathed and controlled his desire to lunge at him for more. It was getting easier.

"You're getting better. Soon you won't need me." Damon said and Stefan frowned anxiously. He didn't want to lose this. He wiped the expression of need from his face as Damon looked over at him.

"I need to be strong."

"You will be." Damon assured.

"It's the mayor's funeral today. Think Katherine will make an appearance?" Stefan asked casually. He really couldn't care less about the mayor - the man had been an ass, but Elena needed his support and now that they knew Katherine was lurking, he needed to be even more on the ball to protect her. Damon nodded.

"Are you coming?" Stefan asked, trying to conceal the hope in his voice and Damon gave him a small smirk.

"Social event of the week in Mystic Falls brother, besides, I'm supposed to be part of the council now. Gotta keep up appearances."

"If I need…"

"You won't Stefan. You're doing fine." Damon reassured.

"But if I…"

"You won't." Damon said emphatically and reviewed Stefan's pallor as Stefan gulped. "If someone haemorrhages in front of you then call me ok? I'll be there." Damon gave him a tight smile and Stefan instantly relaxed.

The day didn't go as well as Stefan hoped. Katherine indeed made an appearance disguised as Elena and outed herself to Bonnie. Thankfully he had been there to ensure Bonnie survived the encounter but he could see the questions germinating in her mind as to how Elena and she could be identical – a subject he hadn't the foggiest idea how to tackle. Katherine had declared her eternal love for him, expecting him to believe that she had come back for him, but he knew her tricks. That bitch had no heart, she didn't even understand love. She was here for something, he just didn't know what, but one thing he was sure of was her interest in dividing he and Damon. She had already made that intention clear when she had kissed Damon, fooling him into believing she was Elena. Stefan couldn't quite deal with how that made him feel still. He needed Damon on his side, so he had to put that behind him just now. No matter how hard she pushed they needed to ensure they were a united force, a wall between what her and what she wanted.

He had tried to go on a hunt to keep Damon happy that he was combining his feeding. When he returned he heard Elena's voice so he stopped just outside the front door to listen. Why was Elena here at this hour? He'd told her to stay at home in case Katherine was a threat tonight. Damon was supposed to be going to her not the other way around. Any vampire could walk into the boarding house! He focussed in his ears to listen.

"What no goodbye kiss? Come on, kiss me or kill me. We both know you're only capable of one." She teased and he realised as his skin prickled. Should he interrupt? There was sudden movement and his heart began to beat wildly. Surely Damon wouldn't fall under her spell again! After a few seconds he heard clearly what sounded like kissing and furniture being knocked into as he closed his eyes in dismay. Damon, she's playing with you! He resolved to enter when he heard Damon gasp and tell her to pause. He stopped too, holding the handle tightly as he listened.

"I have a question. Answer it and we'll be back to fireworks and glare. Answer it right and I'll forget the last 145 years I've spent missing you. I'll forget how much I loved you and we can start over…" He was beseeching and Stefan held his breath as she let silence fill the air.

"I already know your question and its answer. Truth is, I've never loved you." Stefan's eyes popped open. "It was always Stefan." She said softly, almost apologetically and Stefan felt his body vibrate with adrenaline. He could hear Damon's clipped breathing as she walked away and exited through the window. Damon's heart was breaking and Stefan didn't know what to do. He felt like an unwelcomed intruder – some of the cause of his pain. Damon began to sound as though he was hyperventilating. He had to do something. He pulled the front door open nervously and caught the devastated expression on Damon's face. He was staring into nowhere, eyes glassy and filled with tears which fell down onto his cheeks as he struggled to breathe. Stefan walked in cautiously and Damon closed his eyes, spilling more tears down his face.

"Damon…" Stefan cooed gently and Damon gave a terse shake of his head in response. "Brother…"

Damon shot him a look of utter loathing and hatred and Stefan froze like a statue.

"I hate you." Damon hissed, his tone so cold it chilled Stefan to the bone.

"She's screwing with you brother. She can't love anyone." Stefan babbled trying in vain to change Damon's expression. "Damon don't let her do this to you. You're stronger than this!"

"Get out before I kill you." Damon growled, his vampire face showing angrily as Stefan frowned in disbelief.

"No!" He wasn't going to let Damon crash and burn, spiral out of control…Not anymore. They'd come too far! Damn her! Damon growled and stiffened. He was serious. Stefan gulped and held still. "I'm not going to leave you like this."

"Get out!" Damon shouted. Stefan took a step closer.

"I need you brother." Stefan gambled but Damon just got angrier.

"You only want me for blood and to look after your pets!" Damon roared and Stefan moved forward and grabbed him in an embrace tight enough to stop him from lashing out. Damon growled and tried to free his arms.

"I am not going to leave you!" Stefan growled back as he felt Damon begin to crack, breathing erratically. Stefan began to loosen his hold gradually and stroke his back as Damon began to calm. "It's you and me brother. You and me." Stefan cooed and Damon relaxed and lay unresisting in his arms but didn't hold him back. They stood for a few minutes, before Stefan pulled back and held Damon's face in his hands, looking at his eyes. Damon looked defeated and unbearably sad. Damon sighed hopelessly and shook his head.

"No." He choked and removed Stefan's hands from his face. "Leave me alone." Stefan let him go and watched as Damon grabbed a bottle of brandy on his way to his room, slamming the door loudly behind him once he reached the top of the stairs. Stefan stood astonished in the middle of the lounge. He had so much adrenaline he didn't know what to do with himself. He sat down but couldn't sit still, getting up multiple times to pace before trying to sit again. He didn't have any answers. He didn't know what to do. Katherine had always been Damon's reason for existing. He'd survived all of this time because he thought he could rescue her from the tomb, now they knew that she had known how much he longed for her and she hadn't given a damn about him. To top it off she told him now that all of his love had been wasted as she had never felt for him. Damon's whole life had been destroyed by that one statement and Stefan honestly didn't know if he would recover. He just couldn't imagine how that must feel.

As his scheduled feeding time approached Stefan became restless and jittery. Damon still hadn't come down from his room. What should he do? Damon already felt used, would this make that feeling worse? Damon had determined the schedule of feeding. Did he remember that he was due to do this tonight? Stefan felt his stomach clench in anticipation. He stood up for the hundredth time and began to pace again. He should check on him. He ascended the stairs audibly to give Damon a heads up to the fact that he was coming to check on him. Damon's door was closed so he paused as he went to knock and his hesitation gave the game away as Damon growled inside.

"What?!" Damon shouted and Stefan took a step back from the door. Damon was still dangerous. He was stronger and vicious and if he really wanted to hurt Stefan he could easily. Stefan cautiously opened the door and peaked in. Damon was laying on his bed looking at the ceiling dejected. He had removed his shirt and shoes so that he was merely dressed in his jeans.

"What do you want golden boy?" Damon asked quietly and Stefan entered and closed the door behind him. He didn't know how to respond and Damon smirked. "Must be dinner time huh? Why else would you creep in here like a slug?"

Stefan flinched at Damon's hate filled words and he sighed in grief.

"Don't tell me. You neeeed me right? God forbid you could face your own problems." Damon's words continued to spear him painfully but he remained silent and Damon turned to look at him blankly. "Why don't you go and cry in Katherine's arms? I'm sure she'd love that. You two have a shared ability to get what you want from people."

"Damon…"

"Hell maybe you're made for each other. Just think, if you two get back together maybe I could be with Elena…" Damon teased, trying to get under Stefan's skin.

"I'm sorry."

"What?" Damon stopped teasing mid sentence in response and stared at Stefan in bewilderment.

"I'm sorry." Stefan repeated. "I'm sorry for forcing you to become a vampire." Damon huffed in surprise. "I'm sorry I took her to my bed when I knew you loved her." Damon's expression hardened and he growled under his breath as Stefan continued. "I wanted to be like you. I wanted to be you and she was so enticing. We had always shared everything, since the day I could walk and she had me believing that we could both share her too. That we three could be happy."

"Stop talking." Damon warned pensively.

"I wanted to come with you in whatever way I could. You were my world brother. I would have followed you anywhere, even into death and I thought I had. I swear when you were shot I wanted to die too. I thought I would." Stefan became a little emotional and he surprised himself as words tumbled from his mouth that he didn't expect. Words that he'd wanted to say for the longest time.

"When we woke up in transition I was confused. I never wanted it, but you were with me, alive again. When father…"

"When you murdered him." Damon added coldly.

"I couldn't stop. Then it was too late for me. I was so scared. I needed you. I was selfish and scared and I couldn't do it on my own. I needed you with me and I forced you into this. I'm sorry." Stefan moved closer as Damon scrutinised him and sat up.

"That's not why I hate you."

"Then why?" Stefan croaked as he stopped in front of him.

"Because she turned you. It was just supposed to be me Stefan. Just me." He said matter of factly, tensing and Stefan looked to the ground silently.

"I didn't want this." Stefan whispered and sat down on the edge of the bed as Damon moved away from contact with him. Stefan hung his head sullenly as Damon watched. "I just couldn't bear for you to go where I couldn't follow."

"What the hell is this Stefan?" Damon spat, searching for some hidden trick or plan within Stefan's confession. Stefan turned and looked at resolutely.

"I want my brother back."

"Your brother died 145 years ago." Damon sneered.

"You're a liar. I can see him in you somewhere. Why else would you feed me?"

"Because I like being able to play you like an instrument." Damon smirked, but Stefan shook his head.

"You might believe that but I don't. You're just scared of letting me in again." Stefan accused and Damon lay on his back laughing. "Why won't you let anyone love you Damon?"

"I only have eyes for one Stefan and she'll come around eventually." Damon smiled to himself as Stefan tried not to let it affect him. "At first they all want the poetry, the empathy but in the end they all come to me for what they really need."

Stefan growled in anger and Damon laughed again and looked at him menacingly.

"I don't mind seconds." Damon chimed innocently, smiling and Stefan finally lost it and lunged at him snarling. Damon laughed as he held Stefan's punches off easily. Stefan was no match for him. Stefan tried vainly to injure him, giving it all he had as Damon caught every punch and pushed him backwards. Stefan fell back gasping for breath as Damon's eyes gleamed at him with adrenaline.

"What's it like to be alone Damon? To never have the love you crave because you are too stupid and stubborn to accept it?!" Stefan shouted. Damon smirked, panting from the exertion. "What's it like to know you're going to die alone, forgotten about and pointless?" That stopped Damon smiling as his expression became angry again.

"Aren't you tired of this?" Stefan urged and Damon gulped and tried not to let emotion overwhelm him. "I just want you back. I loved my brother more than anyone in the world and if he were here, I'd die to protect him, to take away the pain that I've caused him." Damon took a shaky breath as he listened and became uncomfortable. Stefan crawled closer to him and Damon retreated to rest against the headboard.

"I know you feel and I won't let her destroy you like this. Not now. Not when we've…" Stefan huffed embarrassed and ran out of steam as he searched Damon's blank expression. Damon kept his face blank and Stefan sighed in resignation. He couldn't get through to him when he was like this. He slowly climbed off of the bed and stood up. He was so tired of fighting. He slowly left the room and closed the door behind him feeling washed out. Only Damon could drain him like this. Only two people who had loved each other and shared so much history could torture each other to such a degree.

Stefan flopped down onto his bed and closed his eyes. He'd just have to sleep hungry and hunt in the morning. He just hoped that he'd have the strength to deal with whatever Katherine pulled next. Caroline was new and scared and she needed his guidance. He had to be strong for her now too. It was ironic that he should step into that role for her, but somehow it seemed apt. If he could help her control her instincts then perhaps it would help him with his too somehow. Perhaps it was a necessary part of the healing process.

As he lay thinking it through he missed the sounds of tell tale footsteps approaching his door. Damon entered and gave Stefan a fright as he creaked the door closed behind him. Damon looked emotional but in control. Stefan sat up warily and faced him.

"Do you still want her?" Damon asked quietly and Stefan frowned. Who was he referring to? Katherine?

"No." Stefan said with absolute certainty. Damon seemed to relax but Stefan became concerned about what his answer meant for them both. Did Damon still want her? Was he making sure that Stefan wouldn't interfere should he try and get Katherine back again? Stefan shook his head slowly as he considered it. Damon was so desperate for love he would covet someone who had stated so heart breakingly that she didn't care for him?

"I don't want her back. I want you back." Stefan said and Damon looked at him in the eyes. "Forget about her."

"She's all I've got." Damon murmured.

"You have me…and Elena. She cares for you too. You know that."

"You don't need me here messing up your love life."

"I do need you. I'll always need you Damon." Stefan said and Damon's eyes filled with tears that he refused to let fall. He screwed up his face in denial of his heart as Stefan watched in sympathy. Stefan climbed off of the bed and went to him, pulling him into an embrace. This time Damon held him to him gratefully and leaned his head on Stefan's shoulder. Stefan squeezed him and pulled back to hold Damon's face in between his hands again, bringing their foreheads together.

"I've missed you." Stefan whispered and pulled back as Damon frowned with his internal struggle. "What can I do?" Stefan asked, trying to think of some way to ease his suffering.

"Drink." Damon whispered and Stefan raised his eyebrows. "Make me forget for a while."

Stefan held his gaze for a few seconds, ensuring that he meant it before he pulled Damon forwards towards his bed and urged him to lie down. If Damon really wanted distraction he'd let Stefan feed from his neck and feeding from his neck was utterly blissful when he was allowed. Damon lay down and made himself comfortable as Stefan climbed on top of him.

"Thank you for being my brother." Stefan whispered and Damon angled his neck to allow him to bite. Stefan bit down and drank happily as Damon relaxed and closed his eyes. Something about the feeding felt different this time and Stefan wasn't sure why. He pulled back at the point where Damon normally stopped him and looked down at Damon's face. Damon's cheek were moist from tears and Stefan frowned.

"Are you ok?"

"No." Damon croaked. "Feed on me."

"More?" Stefan asked in surprise and Damon nodded. Stefan bit down again and Damon arched his back and sighed. Damon was craving a distraction, that's what this was. Stefan stroked his back like always and realised he was still shirtless. He felt a little taken aback at stroking his brother's bare skin and he ceased in surprise, but Damon pulled him into him suddenly. Stefan stopped and looked at his face confused and aroused.

"Help me." Damon whispered and tilted his pelvis into him slightly. Stefan was astonished. Damon was always vehement that Stefan wasn't to help his release, that that would be gross, but he wanted him to now? Stefan raised his eyebrows and Damon nodded. Stefan suddenly felt nervous and strange about it, so he lay his head into his neck again and began to drink as he slid his hand down into Damon's jeans and grasped a hold of him. The blood made him feel more confident and he began to pump him as Damon shivered and responded audibly, except Damon didn't hold back like usual. Damon moaned breathlessly and gyrated and Stefan blushed as he felt himself turned on by it. He felt oddly sated by the amount he had already drank, perhaps Damon's regular feeding was working after all and he didn't feel the need to take any more from him right now. He pulled back as he continued to pump him. Damon needed this. He watched his face as Damon panted and closed his eyes, close to climax and Stefan gazed in wonder at him. He'd never seen Damon's face like this, so unreserved, so taken over by sensation. He didn't know why he did it, he had no idea what it meant but he leaned down and captured Damon's lips as Damon moaned. Damon's eyes flew open and they stared at each other as Stefan pulled back, still pumping him. He expected Damon to be angry, instead Damon just gazed at him and held him tighter to him.

Stefan leaned down carefully and kissed him again, pulling back again to see his expression. It seemed oddly satisfying to keep watching Damon's face change colours with arousal. Damon was watching him unreserved. Stefan sped up his hand movements and Damon tilted his neck back as he moaned in pleasure and Stefan felt happy to observe rather than bite again. Damon seemed surprised. He raised his hands up to Stefan's back and pulled him down closer as he captured Stefan's mouth and pushed his tongue inside. Stefan jolted from the unexpected kiss but he didn't fight back. Damon's lips were so soft and their combined pleasure was overwhelming his brain. He responded passionately and Damon climaxed loudly into his hand and broke the kiss to shout.

As he regained his equilibrium Stefan sat back and looked at him, looked at his flushed cheeks and relieved manhood and he realised just how far this had gone, how far they'd crossed the line this time. Shit.