The Water is Wide

Chapter 16

Return to Narnia

I meant what I said. I did believe Edmund was only trying to help me in the garden. I did believe his kindness wasn't a ruse. But, in the following days, there were moments where it was difficult. I would be walking down the hall and the day would be ordinary, when suddenly I would feel that same panic and fear I had while standing in the garden. I would see things how I saw them that night; I would see Edmund as I saw him that night. I don't know why it happened.

We stayed in Redhaven for another five days. I don't know if those days were originally planned or if we merely had to stay behind to see through the ordeal with Trivan, that was my captor's name. I was called into a hearing before the court on one of those days. I had to tell them what happened before Edmund and Baldair had arrived. Edmund sat with the court to ensure that justice was delivered. I don't know what that justice was, only that Trivan's fate remained in the hands of the Redhaven court; Edmund told me no more than that and I didn't ask. I was in the hearing for less than an hour. My remaining time during those five days was spent with Lucy, Salinus, and the young she-Leopard Balnair trying not to think of the garden.

Balnair went everywhere I went. She didn't follow behind me, as Baldair did with Edmund or the Tigress Sheba did with Lucy. Balnair walked beside me, which I preferred. I really didn't feel comfortable with having my own guard, but perhaps if I had a guard earlier I wouldn't be in the position where Edmund and Lucy thought I needed a guard.

I'd never been more glad to set sail than I was when those five days were over and we at last bid farewell to the Seven Isles family and boarded the Splendor Hyaline. We left the harbor in the early morning with our banner flying high and a strong wind to carry us westward. It didn't take long for everyone on board to fall back into their usual sea routine. I went back to singing the Song of Blessing each morning, and in the evening I would sing or share a story. It was difficult to fully put aside my trepidation over whether or not I would see the other Edmund again, but as the days at sea passed it became easier. I thought of the other Edmund less and less, until there came a day where I didn't think about him at all. Edmund did just he promised he would; he waited patiently for me to come around and kept his distance until I did.

One morning, after about three weeks of sailing, we woke up to find a mass of land on the far horizon. After my morning sing, I found Edmund standing at the prow of the ship looking towards the land. He was standing alone. I told Lucy that I would meet her in the galley for breakfast in a few minutes, but that first I had to do something I should have done a while ago.

I slowly made my way over to where Edmund stood.

"Good morning, Estelle," he said softly without looking at me.

"Good morning, Edmund," I replied just as softly. He still didn't look at me, but I thought I saw the corner of his lips raise a little. "Is that Narnia?" I asked, as I turned my eyes to the land mass instead.

"It's the main land, but we aren't quite to Narnia yet. We're seeing more of Ettinsmoor at the moment, which lies north of Narnia. We should reach the Cair in a few days however."

"I know you must be very excited."

"I am."

He turned his head to the side at that moment, and our eyes met each other. As it so often happened before when our gazes met, I felt I couldn't look away. I saw in him all the kindness he had shown me and the goodness he had bestowed upon me. I saw his eagerness to do what right and to remain just and loyal to his people. I saw in him something…something I couldn't quite describe, but I wanted to see more of it.

"It's occurred to me, Edmund, that I never actually thanked you."

"I don't need to hear your thanks, Estelle."

"You saved me, Edmund. You rescued me. And I don't just mean in Redhaven, but you rescued me from the sea too."

"Really, Estelle, this isn't necessary. I don't need…"

"I don't care if you need to hear it or not, Edmund. You will hear it."

Edmund looked shocked for a moment and then he laughed softly. "Very well then. You were saying?"

I was momentarily stunned by his submission, and I stumbled for my response. "Th—thank you."

"You are welcome, Estelle," he said after the slightest pause. "Do you feel better now?"

"Yes actually. More than I thought I would." In having kept my distance from Edmund, I'd forgotten how easy it was to talk with him. I'd forgotten how simply being near him made me feel happier than I've ever been. I missed his smile, his laugh. I missed him.

Only too late did I realize that I had said that out loud. I think Edmund was as surprised by it as I was. His eyebrows rose at my confession, and he gently reached out a hand and placed it over mine. I could feel my hand surge with heat, another feeling I'd nearly forgotten, and I had to take a deep breath to steady my breathing.

"I've missed you too, Estelle," he said. "I'm sorry if I was distant, but I didn't want to push anything before you were ready."

"It's all right, Edmund. I understand why you did it," I said as I slowly turned the hand he was touching over; his fingers fell naturally between mine. The heat from my hand surged through the rest of my arm as his fingers better secured their hold with mine.

"But please," I continued as I turned my eyes up to his, "I don't wish to think of that anymore. Won't you turn my thoughts to something else?"

"What would you have me turn them to?" I can't be certain, but I think his eyes may have briefly dropped to my lips. I smiled at the thought.

"Something happier," I replied.

"Happier?"

"Yes. Tell me, Edmund, what is the first thing you wish to do upon returning home? After greeting your own siblings that is?"

"Hmm, that is a good question. The first thing I wish to do is…go for a ride with Philip."

"Philip?"

"He's a Narnian Horse and a dear friend of mine."

"A Narnian Horse? You mean he's a talking Horse?"

"Yes," he chuckled at my apparent excitement. "Philip is a talking Horse. I met him at the Battle of Beruna. I had never ridden before and we thought it might be needed in our fight against the White Witch or for a quick escape. Philip offered to be my riding mount. It is much easier to learn to ride properly when the Horse is the one instructing you. He has insisted on being my mount any time I ride to…well, any time there is a possibility of danger."

"And are there many instances where there may be a possibility of danger?" Suddenly the thought of him riding anywhere where there was even the remotest possibility of slight danger had me recoiling inside.

"Not recently, no," he assured me with a soft smile. For added assurance he gave my hand, which was still clasped in his, a gentle squeeze. "There has been a great peace in Narnia for a few years now. It is why Lucy and I have been able to travel as we have."

"I've never ridden a horse before, talking or not," I said, turning the conversation away from talk of possible danger.

"Truly? Well, we shall have to change that when we return."

"Will you be my instructor? Or will you leave that task to Philip?"

"No, that is certainly a task I would seek for myself." His voice had gone much lower, and there was something in his eyes I couldn't detect but I wanted to explore.

"Will you be my instructor?" she asked almost innocently. Then with a coy smile she added, "Or will you leave that task to Philip?"

There was something in her smile that told me she wasn't just thinking about learning to ride a horse, and so I responded in kind. There were many things around Narnia I wished to show her, if only to spend more time with her. In the last two months my desire to spend time with her had only grown stronger. When near her I temporarily forgot all my worries. I was lighter. Freer. There was something about being in her presence that was…calming. And the last few days without her were misery.

I could have stood at the prow with Estelle all day, holding her hand that fit so perfectly in mine, but as it always happened, our moment together was interrupted when Balnair joined us on the deck. Apparently my sister was wondering why Estelle hadn't joined her for breakfast yet.

Home at last!

It was late afternoon when the Splendor Hyaline docked at the quay just outside Cair Paravel, but it felt like we had steadily watched the shoreline grow larger for an eternity. You never realize how much you miss home until the moments just before you return; Lucy and I had departed from Cair Paravel nearly five months ago when we sailed for Tashbaan. I could tell that Estelle was steadily becoming more nervous as the shoreline grew nearer. Lucy and I, and many of the Narnians too, tried our best to reassure her, but I suppose this was just one time where she wouldn't be at ease until she met Peter and Susan and witnessed their acceptance first hand.

As we were docking, Lucy and I stood portside and waved to the small crowd that had gathered to welcome us home, of which Peter and Susan were at the front. We still had to wait several minutes though for the loading board to be brought out and secured. When the Captain gave us his assurance that the board was ready and that we may depart, Lucy threw the queen in her aside and ran down to the dock and threw her arms around the necks of both of our siblings. I decided to be a little more civilized in my manners. I took the Captain's hand in mine and thanked him generously for our voyage. Then I walked…quickly—oh, all right, perhaps it was more of a jog—down the board to greet Peter and Susan.

I hugged Susan first and kissed her lovely cheek. It felt nice to hear her laughter again and to feel her gentle hands on my face as she gently pushed me back to look me over for any injury, as she always did. Then came Peter as he wrapped his lanky arms around me in tight bear hug and clapped me soundly on the back, which I ardently returned. When he pulled back his golden hair glowed in the dying sun and his teeth, I swear, they reflected the sun's light. He was always the picture of perfection…and magnificence.

"It's good to see you, Ed," Peter said.

"It's good to see you too," I replied. "Have…have I grown?" I didn't recall being able to look Peter in the eyes quite as easily as I did. It wasn't Peter that responded to my question though; it was Philip.

"You haven't grown, my liege. The High King has simply shrunk with old age."

"Not you too, Philip! You were the last one I could count on," Peter whined. I simply laughed loudly at Philip's remark and curled a hand into his mane while the other rubbed his neck affectionately. Philip nuzzled his nose into my shoulder in response. It was good to be home.

Peter's soft clearing of his throat drew my attention back to him. With his eyes he pointed behind me to the Splendor and the loading board. I turned and found Estelle timidly making her way down after the last of the crew. Balnair was at her side and gently nudging her forward. I took a few steps towards her, trying to catch her eyes with my own. I smiled when I did and was rewarded with the faintest smile in return.

"Peter, Susan," I began as Estelle reached us. "May I introduce to you, the lovely maiden, and our friend, Estelle."

"Your Majesties," she said softly as she dipped into a low curtsey and held it. Peter waited only a few seconds before stepping forward and gently tilting her head up to look at him.

"The Maiden Estelle," he said as he took one of her hands. "On behalf of my Royal Sister let me say, welcome to Narnia." He kissed the back of her hand and a smile washed over her features as she rose. It was a smile of great relief as her anxiety fled. Susan swept in then and linked her arm through one of Estelle's.

"Come," she said. "Your voyage has been a long one and I'm sure you would like a nice hot bath and a fresh dress." Lucy took Estelle's other arm and together the three of them began making their way to the castle. I watched them go.

Philip stepped up to me, his nose twitching. "Something's different about you, King Edmund. You…you smell differently."

"I've been at sea for the last three weeks, Philip. I've hardly had a proper washing," I replied with a laugh.

Philip tossed his head. "No, it isn't that. I've smelled you after two months of battle and no proper washing. That smell I would remember. But this one, this is different."

"I know what you mean, Philip," Baldair said as he joined us. Well, truthfully, he'd been there all along and he was only just now deciding to speak; Baldair was a Narnian of few words. "I smell it too. I began to smell it shortly after Estelle's arrival aboard the Splendor Hyaline."

I was still watching Estelle as she walked with my sisters, and paying little attention to what they were saying.

"I believe, Philip, that what you smell is my brother's attraction for the young Maiden Estelle," Peter replied.

"Don't be ridiculous, Peter," I said as my head snapped to the side to look at him, before my eyes drifted back to watch Estelle. When I realized what my eyes had just done, I laughed softly and added, "Philip can't smell that."

Wait! Was that a confession? I...I can' quite tell. What do you think?