The Water is Wide

Chapter 18

Lessons

I met Edmund as planned after the seamstress. Or rather, he met me at my rooms. "Are you ready?" he asked

"I am."

"Are you sure you don't want to put on a pair of riding pants first?"

"Girls don't wear pants, Edmund. They wear dresses…with the exception of your sister."

"Not even riding pants when riding? Many of the ladies I've seen have special riding clothes, which include a set of pants."

"I…I don't know how Mama would feel about that. We never had the chance to find out. I've always been taught that girls wear dresses. So, if you don't mind, I think I'd rather stay in what I have on."

"As you wish." Without any further discussion on pants, Edmund and I left my room and began making our way to the stables…At least, that's where I guessed we were heading.

"Now, I've decided to you pair you with Brenna, one of our dumb mares," he said as we walked down the hall together.

"Dumb?"

"It means she's not a talking horse. In actuality, Brenna's really intelligent. And she's gentle. Which is why I selected her for you. I think she would be the easiest for you to learn to ride. Philip has agreed to meet us in the stable and assist me with…"

"Assist?" I questioned with a small smirk. Edmund laughed.

"Yes, assist. I'm quite capable of teaching you to ride on my own. Sometimes it is better to learn by demonstration though, and since I've been gone for nearly five months Philip is refusing to let me ride any other stallion. So, he will be there to assist me."

"I see."

As Edmund and I continued on our way, he went on to tell me a few of the basics of riding. For example, if I wanted to turn right I had to squeeze with my left leg and pull the reins across the left side of the neck, and if I wanted to turn left I had to squeeze with my right and pull across the right side. That seemed odd to me. Why would I pull left if I wanted to go right? Edmund said he thought it was confusing at first too, but said I would understand once I saw.

At last we came into the stables, if the stalls and barrels of hay weren't proof enough, the smell was. As we entered, I came to an abrupt halt. Standing in the middle isle, directly before me, were two large horses and a…stable hand, I guess. Both horses had coats of brown, but one of them, the one not already saddled, had a lighter coat than the other. Edmund didn't notice my halt until later. When he realized I was no longer walking beside him, he turned around and came back.

"Estelle? Are you all right?" he asked, his worry evident in his tone.

"They're much larger up close. I've only ever seen them through the market before. I was never allowed to get this close."

Edmund gave a feeble smile. "Yes, they are much larger up close, but I promise you, they won't harm you."

"You have my word as well," said another voice. Somehow I knew it was the lighter colored horse, the one without a saddle.

It took me a moment to gather my words, but I did. "You…you must be Philip?"

"And you must be the Maiden Estelle," he replied. Then he bent one of his fore legs and lowered his head. Did he just bow to me? "It is an honor to meet you at last. I have heard much of you."

"You have?" I cast a look over to Edmund, who appeared to not want to look at me at the moment. "Edmund has spoken fondly of you too," I said as I gained a bit of courage and approached the two horses, or the Horse and the horse.

"Of course he has spoken fondly of me; there are only fond things to say."

I laughed, and I think Philip laughed too.

"Careful, Philip. Pride is a dangerous thing. Now, Estelle, you have met Philip. This is Brenna, and this is Mayhan," Edmund said as he indicated to the stable hand. "Thank you, Mayhan, I will take it from here. If I need any further assistance I will let you know."

Mayhan bowed and handed over the reins to Edmund before going off to work with other horses. Edmund walked me closer to Brenna where I began to familiarize myself with her. First I gently, and a bit timidly, touched my hand to her long nose. Her coat was very soft, and when she didn't flinch at my touch I ran my hand a bit higher. Edmund handed me a cube of sugar and told me to place in it my hand and hold it out for Brenna to take. Her lips tickled my hand as she ate the cube from it, making me laugh. Of my own accord, I moved around to rub Brenna's side. Before I knew it, my trepidation from being so near a horse had fled.

Once Brenna and I had made friends with each other, Edmund began walking me through the steps of putting a saddle on, even though she was already saddled. He showed me the stirrups and all the things he had mentioned on our walk over. Then, when he thought I was ready, he decided to let me mount. I placed my left foot in the stirrup before me and my hand on the pommel of the saddle. Then I kicked off the ground with my right foot and heaved myself up.

I didn't even make it a few inches off the ground before coming back down.

"Good job," Edmund said from behind me.

"I didn't make it," I replied.

"I know. I didn't expect you to, but it was a good effort. Try again."

I took a deep breath and did as he said. And again, my foot dropped back to the ground. I did notice, however, that I made it a little further off the ground.

"Better. Again."

I tried again, and again I made it higher. But this time I came down awkwardly and nearly fell. I would have fallen completely if Edmund hadn't caught me. I huffed in annoyance and turned around.

"How can I learn to ride if I can't even get on the horse?"

"I know it's frustrating, but trust me, you'll feel better knowing you did it. You almost had it that time."

"King Edmund did not make it up his first few tries either," Philip said. "And he didn't have anyone standing behind him to catch him when he fell. He landed right on his tail-nub as I recall."

"As I recall, I fell because you lurched," Edmund defended.

"You pulled on my mane."

Edmund looked thoughtful for a moment. "Good lesson." He turned his attention back to me. "Never pull on a Horse's or a horse's mane."

"Noted," I said.

"Ready to try again?"

"I guess I'll have to."

I turned back to Brenna and once more placed my left foot in the stirrup. This time I pushed and pulled with every bit of strength I had. And I made it! I swung my right leg over the saddle and sat squarely in the seat. I let out a laugh of joy.

"I told you you'd appreciate the feeling," Edmund replied. "Are you comfortable?"

"Mostly. I suppose as well as I can be."

Edmund adjusted the height of the stirrup so that my foot could sit comfortably in it, before walking around to do the same to the right stirrup. Then, with me sitting in the saddle, Edmund slowly began to lead Brenna forward. I wobbled at bit at the unfamiliar movement and Edmund rushed to catch me if I fell, but I didn't. When he saw that I had regained my balance, he continued. He led us out into a pasture where I continued my riding lesson for the day.

Mostly he led me around while I adjusted to the movement. Philip walked with us, and offered his advice now and then. After a while of being led, Edmund handed over the reins to me. I was scared at first, but Edmund's confidence in me was reassuring. Edmund pulled himself up on Philip, without a saddle mind you, and together they walked along side Brenna and I. Then, when Edmund thought I had that well enough under control, he thought it was time to try going outside the castle. So we left the castle grounds; Philip and Edmund were beside me and directing me where to go.

XOXOX

I stood on the precipice and watched as the sun began to set. The western horizon gleamed a brilliant orange while in the east the towers and battlements of Cair Paravel still glittered. A cool but gentle breeze brushed against my cheek, and on it I thought I heard a distant song. I closed my eyes and sighed blissfully before adding my own voice to the song. I was so at peace I forgot that I wasn't alone until I heard him move beside me.

"I can understand why you enjoy this place," I said. "It's beautiful and very peaceful."

"I thought you would like it," Edmund replied, his voice soft and low as though he didn't want to disturb the natural peace of the air around us. "But please, don't let my presence be the reason you stop singing."

I smiled and turned to look at Edmund. My song before had not been one of words, but now I sang just for him. As I sang a few bars of an ancient Avraian love song, Edmund's eyes met with mine; his gaze was deep and intense. Slowly, he closed the distance between us and touched his hand to my cheek. My heart beat faster and heat flooded my face at the simple touch, yet still I sang. I thought back to all of our other touches…the brushes of hand, the hand holding…none were this intimate, none made my face burn or my heart beat as it did.

I continued to sing even when his hand moved from a gentle stroke of my cheek to cup it completely. Softly, he tilted my face towards his while his own face slowly moved towards mine. My heart beat rapidly inside my chest, and I found I could no longer sing. I couldn't breathe. I was afraid that if I did, I would realize that this wasn't really happening. His nose brushed mine and I lost all sense of self as his lips met with mine. The heat in my cheeks spread like fire, consuming me entirely. His hand slid from my cheek into my hair as he pulled me closer. My hands came to rest on his chest. My head whirled as quickly as the dancers on the floor had, and I felt as light as the air itself. Surely, there was nothing that could top the feeling of a first kiss. But, as amazing as that first kiss felt, as deep and absorbed into it as I was, I still couldn't stop my fears and doubts from taking my mind. He was a King. I was just Aaralynn.

I pushed him back gently and our lips broke apart.

"We can't," I choked out in a whisper. I kept my eyes focused on the ground beneath my feet. I didn't want to see the pain that flashed through his eyes, or the confusion that conquered his face. There were several seconds of intense silence before he spoke.

"I—I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so forward. Please forgive me, but I… I thought you felt the same. I must have been mistaken."

The grief and shame in his voice brought tears to my eyes. I didn't want to hurt him further, but how could I lie to him any further?

"I do," I whispered, my eyes still focused on the ground. It took every bit of strength I had to look at him, and even then it wasn't enough to last very long. "Edmund, I want to, but it just…it wouldn't work between us."

"I don't understand. Why wouldn't it work?" The hope in his voice and the pain in his eyes sent my eyes back to the ground.

"The waters are wide between us," I replied, echoing earlier words. "You are a king, Edmund, a great king of a great nation. I am no one. I have no parents and no home. I am of no great fortune; there is no land to gain or a treaty to sign. I have nothing to offer a king."

"Do you think I care about any of that? Estelle, none of that matters to me," he said as he stepped forward and closed the distance between us again. He placed his hand under my chin and gently tilted it up. His eyes sought mine, and through my tears I saw the truth in his.

"I did not fall for you because I thought your father a great fisher or your mother a fair singer. I have fallen for you because you are gentle and kind. You care greatly and you love deeply. I have seen the lovely Princesses of the Isles, and I have seen beautiful Tarkeenas of the south, but your beauty far surpasses any I have yet seen. Your beauty is not surface only, but it runs deeper, deep enough that it has embedded itself on your voice. Your love, a treasure far greater than any precious jewel of Calormen, that is what you have to offer, not a king, but a humble man like me. Your love, Estelle, that is all I ask for. Can I not have it?"

I had no strength to refuse anymore. Hardly able to speak I nodded my head. "You do," I said through broken sobs. "You do have my love, Edmund."

In an instant his lips were on mine again. Nothing else existed in that moment. There was only he and I. And this time, I did not pull back.