Chapter 20 TDT

A few weeks went by as Damon travelled around and tried to remember to breathe. Every day he got up, washed and dressed and breathed, breathed just enough to be able to leave his room and face the world – a world without Stefan. It was crippling and he constantly thought about giving in and going back. He had no real purpose anymore. For most of their lives his purpose in life had been to hurt Stefan, to punish him and in Mystic Falls this time he had found something worth living for. He'd made a couple of friends…almost, he'd felt like he could belong given enough time and Stefan…Stefan was…

He focussed on his pain, it helped sometimes to have that to focus on. He was here in the world for a reason and that reason was to prove himself. He wanted Stefan to have the kind of relationship he deserved and he wasn't going back until he was sure he could offer that to him. His libido argued bitterly and fighting off female attention seemed constant. It never ceased to amaze him how people seemed more attracted to others who were taken and committed to someone. It was almost as though the alarm bells of desperation were so far removed that it attracted people. Not that he'd ever had to try to get people into bed. He knew what he looked like, but still, now the attention irritated him because it was a temptation.

Stefan was the one and he wouldn't sleep with anyone else no matter how much he craved that connection. Touch was so tempting. No one ever really touched him in a non-sexual way and so avoiding sex meant that he felt little physical comfort from others at all and it made him feel lonely. He had to learn to be happy in himself, accept himself and not need the sighs and post-coital declarations of others to be able to feel valued and worthwhile.

He compelled his way into a few psyche classes on a nearby campus for a while, just to learn a little more about why he felt this way. It really helped him put things into perspective. It all made sense after a while. Katherine had used sex to make him do what she wanted, to come around to her way of thinking and once she'd been taken from him – once she'd abandoned him, he'd simply used what she had taught him. He'd done that for a long time and now it had become hard to separate that behaviour from what he wanted it for. Stefan had been right – sex was a beautiful, loving thing, but for him it had also been about dominance and lack of self confidence. He'd compelled a few psychiatrists to talk things over with a few times, explaining everything about he and Stefan's situation and ridding their memories of him afterwards.

He had been surprised at some of their reactions – after the vampire element of course. The incest issue was something they all wanted to explore with him. They couldn't understand it and the few that did have some empathy tried to explore the possibility that it was the result of their familiarity. Of course it was. You didn't have to be a genius to know that you are more attracted to people who you can be yourself with and no one knows you better than someone who's known you their entire life and then some. Being with Stefan was easier because of that fore knowledge and acceptance but it went deeper. Stefan needed him. Was that all it was though? If Stefan didn't need him anymore, would their love dissipate? Would it gradually fade away and leave them back where they started? In some ways that would be easier for them. If this was out of need, then if it did fade it might leave them stronger but not in love. Without the love they had, there were fewer complications for both of their lives. That was what made him decide to go back. If this faded, it would be better than an explosion or a trauma that would make neither of them able to look at each other anymore. If it faded, they could still have the memory of their closeness and love but they would both feel able to move on.

He arrived back in Mystic Falls in the afternoon and went in to find him. It had been weeks and he felt like he could spontaneously combust if he didn't see him soon.

"Stefan?" He called but there was no answer. He went up to his room and found that Stefan had moved a lot of his things in here. He smiled to himself, feeling his heart throb as he sat his bags down. The room smelled of Stefan, deodorant and bubble bath. He walked into the bathroom and laughed when he saw an empty bottle of champagne beside the sink. So Stefan had adopted some of his quirks had he? It made him feel loved to see that. He pulled his cell from his pocket. They'd both managed not to contact each other but it had been crippling. Stefan had been so upset he had left without saying goodbye and had texted him that, but after that there had been nothing. Damon had sent him a text full of kisses in response and then maintained radio silence. He was impressed at their maturity and restraint. It meant good things surely.

He went back into the room to see what else Stefan had changed in here, when he noticed something that made his heart freeze. There was a lipstick on the dresser. He walked over and lifted it up. Either Stefan had been keeping some rather unusual lifestyle secrets, or there had been a girl in here. He scanned the room feeling nauseous and then he noticed Elena's jacket hanging over a chair in the corner. He felt the air leave his lungs and he struggled to draw in a breath. He sat down on the bed weakly, feeling ill as he tried to process it. Elena had left personal items in here, in his room. In his room that Stefan had adopted. What? Had Stefan simply moved in and took this room? He looked around for his things and they were still here. He swallowed feeling confused and hurt and got up and moved to Stefan's old room.

He walked inside and found more female clothing and evidence of a slept in bed. What? He frowned confused. What was going on? Who was staying here? He heard the door open downstairs and he turned round and headed along the hallway when a flash of colour blurred past him and forced him against the wall.

"Hey!" He growled at the woman holding him. She blinked and let him go immediately.

"Damon, I'm sorry I didn't know you were back." She apologised, looking nervous.

"Who the hell are you and what are you doing in my house lady?" He asked tightly and she became nervous.

"My name's Rose. You don't remember me from that day do you?"

"What day? I meet a lot of women babe." He said confidently and she shook her head.

"You're just like Stefan describes. Although hotter than I remember."

"Who? What?"

"The day you came and rescued Elena from Elijah." Damon blinked at her. "The English guy you staked through a door?" She prompted.

"Right."

"I was there that day. Elijah killed my friend and I had nowhere to go. I came to help protect Elena and found Stefan. He's been letting me stay here." She explained.

"Why do you care about Elena?" He scrutinised her and she shrugged.

"I've nowhere else to go." She said and he opened his mouth to quiz her further when he heard the door open again. Stefan…His heart began to race and she looked at him in interest at his change in demeanour. He moved past her and headed down the stair case as she watched. He couldn't shout out, his throat was closed in anticipation as he ran down the stairs and stopped abruptly when he saw Elena. She froze too and they stared at each other.

"Hey." She said after an uncomfortable silence and he gave an uncomfortable smile. Where was Stefan and why were all of these women hanging around? "Stefan's out hunting with Caroline." She explained, realising that was why he was standing so awkwardly.

"Right." He said quietly. They both fidgeted nervously.

"Are you back?" She asked and he opened his mouth to speak when she interrupted him, "Because if you're not then leave before he gets back. I don't want him to know you were here."

"I live here too the last time I checked." He said a little annoyed. "What's with this becoming a sorority house all of a sudden? I turn my back for two minutes…"

"Two minutes? Try nearly two months Damon. Two months!" She fumed and he was taken aback by her anger.

"Why are you here Elena?" He folded his arms and she shook her head.

"Elijah."

"Who is this guy? The one I staked?"

"The very same." Rose spoke from behind him and walked down the stairs effectively trapping him in between them both.

"He wasn't dead. He's an original, one of the first vampires and he's been bargaining with me for everyone's lives to get Klaus here to perform the sun and moon ritual."

"With the moonstone?" He asked and Elena nodded. He walked down the rest of the stairs and they followed him into the lounge. He moved to the brandy table and lifted a bottle. He looked at it in surprise at its weight and realised that it was empty. That was odd. He didn't finish it, he loved this one and kept it for times of particular stress. Elena sighed as she watched him.

"Stefan drinks it now."

"Since when?" Damon frowned. Stefan drank bourbon and brandy but it was rare.

"Since you left him." She said pointedly.

"I never left him." Damon defended and flashed his eyes over to Rose nervously. Were they really going to talk about this in front of other people? Rose gave him a sympathetic smile and he frowned again.

"He drinks your brandy, sleeps in your bed and doesn't smile or laugh anymore. I hope you're happy." She said bitterly and he put the empty bottle down.

"Hold the phone here ok, what the hell is this? What do you know about anything? Last time I saw you, you said you never wanted to see him again, that we were disgusting. You were revolted…"

"That was eight weeks ago!" She reminded him.

"And now…what, suddenly it's all rainbows and moonbeams? Are you back together now?" He snapped at her, trying to ignore the churning in his stomach when he thought about her things in his room.

"That'd be so much easier for you wouldn't it? Then you wouldn't have to deal with how hurt he's been."

"I think I'm going to go and have a shower." Rose said full of discomfort as she rose and headed towards the stairs.

"Wait a minute I don't even know who the hell you are and you're just going to wander around my house like you live here?" Damon said incredulously and she paused.

"You were the one that left Damon. You've no right to come back here and start tossing your weight around, to break his heart anymore." Elena snapped at him and his mouth fell open.

"You don't know what you're talking about." He said clenching his jaw.

"He told everyone." She said.

"What?" He frowned.

"When you left you said it was so he could get a real idea of what his life would be like, of what would change if he still wanted to be with you. Well he told everyone that he loved you. Do you have any idea what people have said to him, how people have reacted?" She was angry and he was too stunned to answer.

"He told people you were actually cousins through Giuseppe, but it's been so hard for him and you were off on your trip not even texting him."

"So you thought you'd move in and comfort him did you?" He sneered and she scowled at him.

"I love him Damon."

"So do I!" He shouted. Rose took that opportunity to leave the room. "I love him in a way you'll never understand and I've come back to be with him too."

"Oh please, don't stand there and start with your vampire connection stuff. I know I can't give him what you can but it doesn't mean I love him any less than you do." She became emotional and he put his head in his hands and sighed. They fell into silence again as Damon thought over her bomb shell. Stefan had told everyone about them but told them they were really cousins. Would that swing? It wasn't much better but maybe…

"I'm not here to compete with you. I just want you to know how much he's had to deal with on his own since you left. If you're here to stay then you better make sure you don't let him down."

"Ok you seventeen year old child." He said in disbelief that she was giving him relationship advice.

The door opened and they both turned around expectantly as Stefan entered and stopped when he saw Damon.

"Damon." He said barely above a whisper and Damon gave a relieved yet nervous smile. Stefan gazed at him in longing and Damon blurred over to him, startling Elena at his speed and grabbed Stefan kissing him as Stefan held him tight.

"Where have you been?" Stefan breathed in between kisses and Damon smiled and kissed him passionately, forgetting all about Elena's presence.

"I love you, god I've missed you." Damon whispered and Stefan melted into him sighing. They kissed for a few minutes before breaking apart and taking each other in.

"You came home, does that mean…" Stefan trailed off and Damon grinned.

"I'm ready." Damon said happily and Stefan exhaled in emotion and held him to him again. Damon stroked his back, kissing his shoulder.

"I hear you've let the proverbial cat out of the bag brother." Damon whispered and Stefan tensed a little. Damon pulled back and cupped his face.

"You wanted to know if I really wanted this, even with all of the consequences and I do so I took the leap." Stefan explained but he looked tired and a little upset. Damon stroked his face in concern.

"I would have come back. I didn't want you to face this alone."

"I had to. Besides, Elena and Caroline have been here and Rose."

"They all know?" Damon asked and Stefan nodded. "Rick, Liz?"

"Everyone."

"Stefan." Elena said and they both turned to look at her. "I'm going to go home for a while, catch up with Jer."

"You can't, Elena it's too dangerous. This is going to be the only safe place for you right now." Stefan reasoned and she gave a weak smile.

"You two need some time alone. I'll be fine, Elijah won't hurt me, we can do the paperwork later."

"No, it's too risky. I have to sign over the house so you will be safe here."

"What?" Damon gasped. Stefan was going to sign over the deeds to their house?

"I'll explain in a minute." Stefan reassured him as he looked to Elena.

"You've missed a lot." Elena said to Damon and Stefan went to her and hugged her.

"Stay here, please. I can't sit and worry about where you are."

"Ok." She gave in and sat back down again.

Stefan turned back to him and pulled him by his hand up towards their bedroom. Damon followed numbly wondering how the world had gone so strange in such a short absence. Stefan closed the door behind them and Damon turned around to face him.

"Elena's been staying here for a while."

"Noted." Damon said bluntly, eyeing up her jacket on the chair behind Stefan. Stefan blinked.

"It's not what you think. Don't look at me like that."

"Like what?" Damon folded his arms.

"Like I'm cheating. She's been here for me while you've been away. I don't know what I would have done without her."

"I thought she was done with you, with us."

"We had something Damon, we are always going to care about each other. Just like no matter what happens with us, I'll always care about you."

"That's comforting." Damon's tone still dripped with hostility and Stefan sighed.

"Things here have been a nightmare. I've had so much to deal with. I wanted to call you so badly." Stefan said sadly and Damon softened and embraced him. He pulled back and kissed him softly as they explored each others' mouths again. Stefan flushed and walked them back towards the bed and Damon tensed and broke their kiss.

"Sorry." He said and Stefan raised his eyebrows. "This isn't the time."

"I want you, please you've been gone so long." Stefan began to kiss him again and Damon groaned as they lay down on the bed and melted into each other.

"Stefan no, I can't." He whispered and Stefan broke away and frowned, looking down at him.

"I need you inside me."

"Stefan if I took you right now it'd be because I'm jealous and I want to remind you what I can do for your body that she can't." Damon groaned and Stefan huffed.

"I don't care."

"Stefan, when we make love again I want it to be because I love you, not because I'm pissed at Elena." He struggled and Stefan sighed and sat up feeling rejected. He sat up too and kissed Stefan's cheeks and ear. Damon bit his neck playfully, winning Stefan over as he tilted into him and hummed.

"I've missed this neck." Damon hummed.

"I've missed yours too." Stefan said and Damon cupped his face tenderly.

"How have you been?" Damon asked sincerely and Stefan sighed sadly.

"I missed the blood. I hated you for leaving for a while because I couldn't have any. It took me weeks to calm down." Stefan confessed and Damon gulped. "You?"

"It's been a challenge."

"Did you sleep with anyone else?"

"No, but I wanted to." Damon admitted and Stefan's face creased in pain. "Then I thought of how much I love you and wanted to be sleeping with you."

"It's always going to be this hard isn't it?"

"Yup."

"I'm ready for that now. People barely speak to me at school because they think I'm a freak show but I don't care as long as I have you." Stefan smiled and Damon smiled too.

"I'm ready to try this for real too. I have to." Damon said and Stefan kissed him again.

"Oh I want you." Stefan hummed and Damon kissed his jaw line slowly. "Have you calmed down yet about Elena?" He asked hopefully and Damon bit his neck playfully again.

"Not yet. Her things are in here Stefan." Damon gestured to the lipstick and jacket.

"She's in trouble, she's been living here. I have to sign the house over to her to make sure there's somewhere safe for her where no one we didn't know could enter."

"And she's been sleeping in my bed?"

"Platonically. Only sometimes." Damon huffed jealous. "Damon she's scared and…so was I. I didn't know how long you'd be gone. For all I knew you could be gone for years."

"Well I'm back now."

"I'm not going to ask her to leave just because you're home. She's important to me. You can love two people differently but with just as much importance."

"Stefan…" Damon grumbled.

"I'll make up a room for her, but she stays brother."

"Fine, whatever you want." Damon said tightly. "Let's take care of her problems so that we can get back to our life together."

"Our life?" Stefan grinned and Damon huffed annoyed but gave a small smile as he saw how delighted Stefan was at his use of words.

"Our life. You and me." He reiterated and Damon pulled him into a deep kiss that made them both breathless and full of mirth again.