Chapter 11: Lost My Way, Found It Right Back

Author's Note: Happy Tuesday you guys! DEVCOM week is finally over which means back to normal classes for me. Sigh. Anyway, I know I said I'll upload two chapters this week but my schedule couldn't cut it. I'm so sorry. As I disclaimer, I'll just say that from now on my updates may not be delivered on time. But I'll try my best to try to update per week. I hope you guys understand. T.T

Well then, let's see what our characters are up to shall we? :)

Legend:

Bold - English Translation

Italicized - Inner voice/monologue

Normal - spoken in Korean

Underlined - spoken in English

Y/FN – Your full name with second name, middle name and all

Y/N's POV

I clenched my fists at the sides to keep them from shaking as I felt my own voice quiver in response. "H - Hi po Ma." (Hi Ma.)

"Oh bakit 'Hi' lang. Tinatanong kita kung kamusta ka na huy. Dalawang linggo ka nang walang tawag – tawag ah. May problema ba?" ( Oh, why are you only saying 'Hi'? I'm asking how you are. It's been two weeks since you last called. Is there a problem?)

I gulped nervously. Mama is the sharpest person I know. She can immediately sniff out trouble like a hound dog, it's scary.

I waited for a short beat before answering, but Mama beat me to it.

"Dios mio wag mo sabihing nabuntis ka diyan?!" (My God don't tell me you're pregnant?!)

I let out a surprised laugh.

She thought what?

"Anong tinatawa – tawa mo diyan Ineng? Aba, umayos ka Y/FN! Naku hindi kita pinalaki para maglakwatsa! Ano nalang sasabihin ng mga kapitbahay natin, na may anak akong bulakbol?! Naku naku! Sabihin mo sino bang tatay niyan ha? Isa sa mga Koreanong katrabaho mon oh? Sagutin mo ko Y/FN!"

(What are you laughing at, young lady? Get your act straight! I didn't raise you to fool around! What will our neighbors say? That I have an irresponsible daughter? Oh oh! Tell me, who's the father? Is it one of your Korean coworkers? Answer me Y/FN!) She screeched so loudly into the phone that I had to pull it away from my ear.

Ano ba tong pinagsasabi ni Mama? Nahihibang na yata toh. Nabuntis? Sa paggunaw pa siguro ng mundo. (What is Mama saying? She's lost her mind. Pregnant? At the end of the world maybe.)

I chuckled some more, the rest of my nervousness ebbing away from my Mama's accusation. She always had a knack for overreacting. It was something I always found annoying but endearing at the same time. It was what made my Mama my Mama.

Which is why she can't know about me being k-pop idol trainee just yet. What if she overreacts like she just did? I already signed the contract. I'm not ready. She's not yet ready.

I brought the phone back to my ear, as a response formed in my head.

"Unang – una po Ma, hindi po ako buntis. Paano ako mabubuntis eh ni wala nga akong nobyo? Pangalawa hindi po ako naglalakwatsa. Pinalaki po ako ninyo ng mabuti para malaman kung ano ang tama sa mali. Kaya po ako hindi nakatawag nitong nakaraang dalawang linggo kasi busy ako sa trabaho. Sana maintindihan mo."

(First of all Ma, I'm not pregnant. How can I be when I don't even have a boyfriend? Second I'm not fooling around. You raised me well to know right from wrong. I wasn't able to call these past two weeks because I was swamped with work. I hope you understand.)

My mom didn't sound convinced as her skeptical voice crackled across the line. "Talaga lang ha? Ganun talaga ka busy na hindi ka man lang makatawag nang saglit o magtext man lang?" (Oh really? That swamped that you couldn't call or even text?)

I blew out an exasperated breath. Mama Hound Dog was on the prowl.

Wag kang madulas Y/N. Wag kang magpahuli! Nakasalalay dito ang pangarap mo at ang puso ng Mama mo! Umayos ka!

(Don't slip up, Y/N. Don't get caught! Your dreams and your Mama's heart are at stake here! Get it together!)

"Opo Ma. Busy po talaga. 10 sections po hinahandle ko at may tigtatatatlong exam po sila. Ako lang po isa ang nagtse – tsek ng lahat ng mga papel kaya pagkauwi ko ayun po pagod na pagod na po ako. Maliban doon may mga performance task rin po sila na kailangan kong i – tsek. Sorry po Ma."

(Yes Ma. Really swamped. I handle 10 sections and that each have three exams. I'm the only one checking the papers that's why I'm so tired when I get home. Aside from that they also have their performance tasks that I also have to check. Sorry Ma.)

I bit my lip as a wave of thoughts washed over me.

Patay kang bata ka. Ito ang unang beses na nagsinungaling ka sa Mama mo. Baka nga nagiging bulakbol ka na. (

(You are so dead. This is the first time you've lied to your Mama. Maybe you are being irresponsible.)My conscience crooned.

Tumahimik ka! Buhay ko 'to! (Shut up! This is my life!)

Okay. Pero binalaan kita. Bahala ka diyan. (Okay. But I warned you. You're on your own.)

I may have just dug my own grave.

Will my Mom take the bait?

Several anxious heartbeats went by when my Mom sighed wearily.

"Ganun naman pala eh. Sana nagsabi ka. Para na akong luka – luka dito nag-aalala. Sa susunod kahit gaano ka man ka busy, magtext ka para alam ko kung anong lagay mo diyan, okay? Matanda na ako, anak. Hindi na mabuti sa puso ko ang magdamdam at mag-alala."

(Then you should've said so. I'm on my wits end here, worrying about you. The next time, no matter how busy you are, take the time to text. I'm old, dear. It's not good for my heart to worry.)

Filled with relief, I sighed before I answered her. "Opo Ma. Magtetext na po ako. Sorry po ulit. Wag na po kayong masyadong mag – alala sa akin. Mabuti po ang lagay dito."

(Yes Ma. I'll text you. Sorry again. Don't worry about me too much. I'm doing fine.)

I hesitated a bit before I continued. "May mga bago po akong kaibigang nakilala kaya hindi na gaanong malungkot dito."

(I met new friends so I'm not that lonely anymore.)

I can say that much for now, right?

My Mama seemed to brighten up at such news as her voice took on a cheerier tone through the phone. "Talaga! Wow! Masaya ako para sa'yo, anak. Kilala ba sila ni Mi Young? Mababait ba sila? Paano kayo nagkakaintindihan?"

(Really? Wow! I'm happy for you! Does Mi Young know them? Are they nice? How do you communicate with each other?)

I giggled. My Mama also has this cheery air around her. She the happiest person I know, apart from Somi – unni of course.

"Hindi pa. Pero pinaplano ko silang ipakilala sa isa't – isa. Malapit na. At mababait sila Ma. Sobra. Mas matanda sila sa akin kaya parang nagkaroon na rin ako ng mga ate nang makilala ko sila. Nag – aaral na rin akong mag – Korean kaya nagkakaintindihan kami. Malapit ko na nga makabisado eh. Aba matalino yata itong anak mo!"

(Not yet. But I'm planning to introduce them to each other. Soon. And they're nice. Really nice. They're older than me so it's like having my own older sisters. I'm also learning Korean so we can understand each other. I'm can almost master it. Your daughter is smart after all!) I joked.

"Mabuti naman kung ganun. Nag – aalala kasi ako kasi si Mi Young lang yung kaibigan mo diyan. Dapat kasi nakikipagkaibigan ka sa iba't ibang tao. Hay makakahinga na ako nang maluwag kung ganun. Ay siyempre naman matalino ka! Mana ka yata sa akin!"

(That's good. I'm just worried that mi Young is the only friend you have there. You should make friends with different people. Now I can rest easy. And of course you're smart! You got it from me!) She said with pride.

"Opo Ma. Tatandaan ko po 'yan. Eh kayo kamusta kayo diyan? Kamusta kayo nila June – June? Nakuha niyo ba yung mga padala ko?"

(I understand Ma. I will remember that. How about you? How are June – June and the others? Did you get the money I wired?) I asked about her and my younger brothers. It just seemed so long since I last talked to them.

"Eto, kumakayod pa rin. Tig – ani na kaya medyo abala din ako ngayon sa bukid. Si June – June ang tumutulong sa akin pagkatapos ng eskwela. At oo nakuha namin yung mga padala mo. Maraming salamat ha?"

(We're still working hard and I'm a bit busy at the fields. June – June's helping after his classes. And yes we reeived it. Thank you.)

I felt a weight lift from my gut. At least they got it. Thank goodness.

Suddenly my Mama squealed and I jumped a bit. "Ay oo nga pala may ibabalita ako sa'yo! Kinuha nga pala tayo bilang supplier ng bagong kakabukas na grocery sa sentro. Malaki – laki rin ang inalok nila, 'nak. Mas makakaluwag na tayo!"

(Oh that reminds me we got hired as a supplier by a new grocery store in town. They're offering a sizable amount. We're getting by!

Oh my gosh. Thank God!

"Wow Ma! Magandang balita 'yan! Masayang – masaya ako para sa iyo!" (Wow Ma! That's great news! I'm so happy for you!) I gushed unabashedly. If anyone deserved this huge success, it was my Mama.

"Salamat, anak. Kaya wag ka na rin masyadong mabahala riyan, okay? Alam kong pinapadala mo halos lahat ng kinikita mo. Ngayon, sarili mo naman ang gastusan mo. Bumili ka ng bagong damit o kaya sapatos."

(Thank you dear. So don't worry too much there, 'kay? I know you send almost all you earn. Now spend some for yourself as well. Buy yourself some new clothes or new shoes."

A pause and some sniffling before my Mama's shaky voice was heard again.

"P – panahon na, Y/N. N – ngayon, sarili mo naman ang unahin mo." (It's time, Y/N. Now, put yourself first.)

Oh my gosh. Was she crying? My Mama rarely cries!

Astonished, I asked her. "Ma okay ka lang? Umiiyak ka ba?" (Ma, are you okay? Are you crying?)

She snorted and sniffled in response. "H – hindi ah! Nabilaukan lang ako sa laway ko! Mahaba – habang usapan na rin kasi toh!" (I – I'm not! I just choked. This has been a long talk after all!)

Yeah right Ma.

She cleared her throat before continuing. "Pero seryoso ako anak. Alam kong may dinadamdam ka sa akin dahil sa maraming bagay kang kinailangan isakripisyo para sa pamilya natin. Patawad. Pero may magandang pakiramdam ako sa oportunidad na ito. Kaya anak,"

(But I'm serious dear. I know you've been holding it against me after I've asked you to sacrifice so much for the family. I'm sorry for that. But I'm feeling great with this venture. So my dear,

She let her last statement hang in the air for a few seconds before she continued.

"Pinapalaya na kita." (I'm setting you free.)

That statement did it for me as I gasped and felt tears pool at the corners of my eyes that slowly trailed down my cheeks. My Mama who had always relied on me as her partner, her rock, her Ate, was setting me free.

Immediately I felt guilt, shock, happiness and excitement swirl inside. I just couldn't believe it. I opened and closed my mouth several times but no sound came out.

Ho – ly crap. Is it really happening? I'm not dreaming right? But, but I still can't tell her. I still need time to think of how to break it to her. Not now Y/N. Not now.

Finally, I sighed, wiped my tears away and responded to her.

"Salamat Ma. Maraming salamat po talaga. Opo may mga panahon po noon na naramdaman ko noon na ang daya na parang ang dami kong kailangang isakripisyo. Pero noon po 'yon. Ngayon nagpapasalamat nalang po ako na nangyari po iyon kasi malaking bahagi po iyon kung sino po ako ngayon. Kaya Ma alam kong hindi ko palaging sinasabi toh sa iyo pero."

(Thanks Ma. Thank you very much. Yes there were times I resented you and felt it unfair that I had to sacrifice so much. But that was then. Now, I'm just grateful that it happened because it made me who I am now. So Ma, I know that I don't say this often but)

I hesitated for a bit before I proceeded. "Masaya akong ipinanganak akong anak niyo." (I'm glad I was born your daughter.)

Across the phone, I heard her sharp intake of breath before she blubbered, clearly overwhelmed. "A – ano ba toh! Itigil na natin toh! Magcelebrate tayo!" (W – What's this? Let's stop this! We should be celebrating!)

She cleared her throat several times that I had to snicker at her.

"O siya sige paalam muna ngayon. Maaga pa ako bukas eh. Maghahakot pa ako ng mga gulay sa grocery. Bye anak! Love you!"

(Well, I should go. I still have an early start tomorrow. I still have to deliver the vegetables to the grocery. Bye dear! Love you!)

"Bye Ma! Mahal rin kita! Ikamusta mo na lang ako kina June – June ha?" (Bye Ma! I love you too! Say hi to June – June and the others for me, 'kay?"

"Walang problema. Ba – bye!" (Will do. Ba – bye!) She said finally as the line clicked dead.

Correction: I was undeniably, irrevocably utterly dead.

What have I gotten myself into?

Jungkook's POV

I shook my head in frustration as Noona ran out of the study to answer the call. I motioned to review my finished work when I felt three pairs of eyes look at me. Raising my eyebrows, I matched their stares with one of my own.

Hobi – hyung spoke up first. "Yah Jungkookie what was that about?"

"What? It was cringey. Noona can't act."

"Duh, Captain Obvious. She was obviously exaggerating. But you didn't have to laugh at her." Jimin – hyung reprimanded me.

V – hyung piped up next. "Yeah! She put in effort. You should commend her at least for that. Plus, she looked really cute acting all excited and giddy, right? Don't you guys agree?" He looked to the three of us.

"Really cute. I never thought she had it in her." Jimin – hyung sighed. "Too bad she isn't my type. I'm not really into boyish girls. I'd totally date her if she was."

I felt a flame of indignation spike up as I retorted to him. "Yah! What's wrong with my Noona?"

Jimin – hyung looked shock. "Yah! Why are you shouting at me? I'm still your Hyung! And I'm just stating facts. She just isn't my type."

I put my fist up. "I'll have you know she's the coolest woman I know! She's strong, she kicks ass, she even kicked mine, and she speaks her mind! She's Super Noona!"

Hobi – hyung put his hand between Jimin – hyung and me. "Now, now Kookie calm down."

Jimin – hyung raised his eyebrows in challenge "Oh really. Even cooler than IU?"

I choked on my breath.

He had to go there didn't he? Hyung!

"O – of course it's different! IU – noona is my idol! Noona is my tutor and friend! They're both cool in their own ways!" I sputtered.

Jimin – hyung smirked. "Then that makes your previous point invalid."

"Hyung!"

V – hyung came between us this time. "Everyone calm done. Let's all settle this calm-"

Suddenly the door opened and Noona came in. We quickly scramble to settle ourselves but it seemed that she didn't notice our earlier scuffle. She robotically grabbed my module to check my work. I looked at her closely at noticed that her face was red and her eyes were puffy. I looked at my other hyungs to see if they noticed it as well, to find that they were only looking at me curiously. I schooled my face into a neutral expression as I waited for Noona's assessment.

I guess I'll just ask her later.

A few minutes later, she looked up from her work and gave me a small smile that didn't reach her eyes.

Something's wrong.

"Good job, Jungkook – ah! You're a few steps more before mastering the language. I guess it's safe to say that you're almost as good as Namjoon – oppa. But that doesn't mean you'll stop learning, of course. You still need to practice every day, okay?"

"Ye, Noona." I narrowed my eyes at her but she seemed oblivious to my scrutiny.

Or was she.

We continued the rest of the session answering her Korean homework. Noona was improving at a fast pace. In no time, she'll be able to have a firm grasp of the language.

Well, she can converse with us now just fine.

All the while I was teaching her, I noticed that she was more reserved than usual. She didn't offer the same comebacks or japes like she used to. There were also times that I had to repeat the question once or twice before she blinked into understanding.

Yup. Something's definitely wrong. I thought to myself as I repeated for the nth time, the last question on her assignment.

She blinked twice before she snapped into attention and answered the question.

"Sorry Jungkook." She offered an apologetic smile that clashed with her tormented eyes.

Noona, what's wrong?

Soon, our session ended and we bid our goodbyes. I smiled brightly at Noona while she offered a strained smile and a half – hearted wave before she went her way.

Sighing, I went to gather my things and my second to the last homework.

"Y/N seemed so down just now, didn't she?" Hobi – hyung piped up suddenly.

V – hyung's head snapped in awareness. "You're right. It's so unlike her."

I swung my head at them in accusation."Wait. Hyungs, you noticed too?"

Jimin – hyung rolled his eyes at me. "Well, duh. We're not blind, Kookie."

"Well, I was looking at you guys earlier and you didn't seem aware of anything."

"Granted we noticed it during the time you were repeating the questions to her. She seemed so spaced out." Hobi – hyung sheepishly admitted.

"What could have made her so sad?" V – hyung mused. Then he trailed his eyes to me and suddenly gasped. "Don't tell me she got offended by what you said about her acting?"

I scoffed at his accusation. "It can't be. Noona's not that shallow."

Jimin – hyung punched me lightly on the shoulder. "It's not about being shallow Kookie. It's about you being too critical of her when she was trying her best to help us."

"Think about it Kookie. Wouldn't you feel betrayed and depressed when your friend just mindlessly criticized you despite all your efforts no matter how futile they may be?" Hobi – hyung interjected.

I pondered over what he said and felt dread settle over me.

Well damn, Kookie. You really did it this time.

I looked helplessly to my hyungs. "What should I do?"

V – hyung shook his head at me as he raised his index finger to my face. "First, you have to fix this Kookie. Be a man. Own up to your mistakes."

I nodded. "O – okay. And then what?"

"And then we leave it up to you."

I felt my jaw drop at his lack of care. "W – what? But hyung you said you'll help me?"

Hobi – hyung shrugged his shoulders at me. "We never said we'll help you. You just assumed we would."

Jimin – hyung rolled his eyes at me again. "Sorry Kookie. You're on your own. Fix your own mess."

Exasperated, I sighed before I glumly walked out to my room. "Fine. Thanks a lot, for your help hyungs."

"No problem!" V – hyung had the gall to reply sarcastically at my back.

Arriving at my room, I immediately plopped to my bed then grabbed my phone.

I pondered for a bit before I started typing.

Noona, I'm sorry.

I clicked 'Send'. Moments later her reply came.

For what?

I quickly typed my response.

For making you sad. I shouldn't have been so harsh on you when you were trying so hard for our sake.

Please forgive Jungkook -ah. T.T

I felt my trepidation rise as I waited for her answer. Seconds passed before my phone buzzed.

Oh that? It's no big deal, Jungkook – ah. I know I can't act.

I was only doing it because your hyungs needed motivation.

Please, don't worry about it.

I felt my brows furrow as I read her reply. She was shrugging it off so easily but I know that there was something going on.

Oh really? Then why were you so sad earlier Noona?

If it's not me then who, what? What's wrong?

Her response came in a flash.

Nothing's wrong Jungkook.

Yeah right. You can't fool me Noona.

Yeah right, Noona. I can see right through you.

Oh yeah? Are you a mind reader now?

Then tell me, what do you see oh Great Jungkook?

I gritted my teeth in annoyance. Despite being down in the dumps, Noona's sarcasm is as sharp as ever.

I see that you're avoiding the subject

even though you know something's wrong.

It took a while before her reply came and all the while I was biting my lips in consternation, that when her reply came I jumped up in surprise. Gathering my wits, I quickly opened her message.

Fine. But not now Jungkook – ah.

I promise to tell you, but I can't right now.

Please do understand. For now, please keep this a secret.

I don't want to bother anyone else.

Nobody else apart from you knows. Please Jungkook. T.T

I felt my face fall as I read Noona's reply. I've never seen her so distraught before. Sighing, I shook my head and inputted my response.

I promise Noona. Scout's Honor. ;)

Seconds came when her answer arrived.

Ever the comedian are we? Thank you Jungkook – ah.

Really. Thank you. ^_^

Smiling gently, I formulated my response.

You're welcome. I'll be waiting Noona.

However long it takes. :)

Her ambiguous text came beats later.

;)

The days that followed after were hectic and filled with tension. Bangtan was busy with so many projects and events lined up, that I felt my body grow wearier while my mind grew excited for the opportunities, by the day. My sessions with Noona continued, albeit more serious and less filled with laughter.

Noona was more on guard around me like she was afraid I was going to spill the beans on her and that made me sad. I always kept my promises, especially to my closest friends. Even more so, although I hated to admit it, I missed the sarcasm, dry wit and natural cheeriness she shared with me.

Sooner than I liked, my last English session with her came and we stood to say our goodbyes. I showed her my sincerest and brightest smile before I bowed to deeply to her in gratitude.

"Noona, thank you so much for being such a patient and wonderful teacher to me all this time. I promise that I will put all your teachings into heart."

I rose up and saw her sad smile.

I hated that smile.

I wanted to see her warm smile, the one that crinkled the corners of her eyes and made them sparkle to life.

"Thank you as well Jungkook for being such a diligent student. It has been a pleasure teaching you."

She quickly bowed to me and motioned to leave when I grabbed her arm to stop her.

She glanced at me in surprise and I met her gaze with a steely one of my own.

"Remember Noona, however long it takes."

"I know Jungkook – ah. I know." She smiled one last sad smile, removed my hand from her arm and left.

Moments later, I left the study and plopped down to the sofa where the rest of the hyungs were watching a movie. Onscreen, a bunch of dinosaurs were rampaging as people ran away, screaming in fear.

I threw my arm over my eyes and sighed. V – hyung who was beside me noticed my sour mood. He scooted closer to me and whispered to my ear.

"Jungkook – ah everything all right?"

I shook my head and whispered back. "No. It's Noona."

"What about her?"

"She was very distant earlier and it was supposed to be our last session. I thought it would've been more fun – filled and enjoyable, you know?" I hunched my shoulders as I tried to bottle up my sulkiness inside.

V – hyung propped his knee up on the sofa and casually swung his arm over it. "Well, I'm not really sure I'm the one you should be telling about this Kook – ah. I'm not really experienced with the ladies."

At this, I shot hyung a smirk and he smiled sheepishly before continuing. "But I can tell you this. Give her time. I'm sure if she's ready she'll tell you."

I sighed even deeper. "I know, Hyung. It just sucks seeing her so miserable and not being able to help her. I'm her friend, for crying out loud."

V – hyung patted my shoulder comfortingly. "Patience, Kook – ah. That's all you can do for now."

I just nodded at him in response. "Ye. Thanks, Hyung."

"No problem." He said before he turned back to the movie.

I hunched my shoulders further in as I tried to no avail, to watch the movie that paled in comparison to the trouble my friend was facing.

It was three days later when I finally heard from Noona.

Jungkook – ah are you free today?

I felt a relieved, triumphant grin split my face as I quickly typed a reply.

Of course! We just finished our recording.

We have some time before we go to our scheduled photoshoot.

Her reply came swift as the wind.

Can we talk? I can come over your dorm if you want.

I thought for a second before I inputted my response.

Um do you mind if we meet someplace else?

We won't be coming back to the dorm until later tonight.

I know a good place.

I'll just send you the address if that's alright with you?

Noona's reply beeped seconds later just as I was leaving the studio.

Sure.

The rest of the members were still in the studio taking their time to rest. I quickly excused myself and told them I had an errand to run. They raised their eyebrows at me in disbelief but nevertheless told me to be back soon since we had a schedule. Once, I was settled in my car seat, I told Manager Sejin where to go and we were off.

Minutes later, I was in my favorite coffee shop, settled in a secluded booth in the back, in a seat facing the door, sipping my iced Americano. Manager Sejin was in a table across from me sipping his own piping hot cup of caffeine, silently standing guard.

The door jingled signaling the arrival of a new customer and I looked up to see the familiar hoodie clad figure of Noona, with the addition of a black baseball cap on her head. I waved to get her attention and after she zeroed in on me, she sauntered over, plopped down and quickly but the cap I put down earlier on the table.

"Are you crazy?" She screeched as she raked her eyes on her surroundings. "You're freaking Jeon Jungkook of BTS! What the heck are you doing walking around in public? Do you want to get mobbed?"

I rolled my eyes at her as I removed the cap and put it down again.

"Relax Noona. It's fine. No other customer is here. Besides, the owner knows us. We're practically regulars here."

Just in time, the owner came out into the counter and waved at me. I waved back at him as Noona glanced at the two of us in shock. I looked at her pointedly, making her huff in response.

"Fine." She crossed her arms in annoyance.

"Aren't you going to order?"

"O – Oh yes! I'll just have a dark chocolate blended cappuccino." She made to stand but I stopped her with my hand as I went off to put her order. I went back to my booth and calmly sipped on Americano.

"So Noona, care to spill what has you so on edge this past few days."

She blew a hair strand away from her face and glared at me.

"You know for someone who's such a high profile celebrity, you're pretty chill."

I shrugged my shoulders. "I already told you, we're regulars here. If anything happens, we can just make a quick escape to the back. Now are you finally going to tell me what's really wrong or are you going to keep beating around the bush?"

She sighed deeply just as the owner arrived with her order. He put it down, winked and sped away. Noona stirred around her drink, took a sip sighed and relayed her story with me.

By the time she was done, my eyes were bugging out of their sockets and my jaw was hanging open. Simply put, I was Jungshook.

I didn't know she was dealing with so much at the moment. I knew from the chat we had at her congratulatory party back then, that she was the one helping her Mom raise her family. She had a lot on her shoulders but I didn't know she was dealing with pressure and expectations from her family. I've always seen Noona as someone strong, reliable and unfazed. Seeing and realizing she also had her issues made my appreciation and respect for her grow.

I stared at her as she forlornly slurped on her cappuccino.

For someone so boyish, I didn't take you for having such a sweet tooth Noona.

Noticing my scrutiny, she straightened up immediately.

"What?"

"You didn't strike me as one with a sweet tooth, Noona."

She scoffed. "Well I do love sweets. Got a problem with that?"

I held my hands up in surrender. "No, not at all. It's just surprising."

She just shook her head and looked at me imploringly. "What should I do Jungkook – ah?"

It's a no – brainer.

"I say you tell her Noona. I mean she did give you her blessing right?"

She bit her lip in consternation. "She did. But what if she didn't really mean it? What if she gets disappointed in me? What if she hates me forever?"

I leaned my arms forward on the table and looked her squarely in her torn, conflicted eyes. "Noona, you're thinking about what – if's. How will you know how she'll react if you don't even try? Besides, she's your mom isn't she? She'll understand no matter what. You just have to have the courage to try."

She looked back at me with a hint of doubt still in her eyes.

Let's try a different approach then, shall we?

I pasted on my bunny smile and put every encouragement I got as I started singing.

Lost my way

Constantly pushing without rest within the harsh rainstorms

Lost my way

Within a complicated world without an exit

Lost my way

Lost my way

No matter how much I wander, I want to believe in my path.

Noona suddenly joined me in singing and I looked up at her in surprise but still pushed on.

Lost my way

Found my way

Lost my way

Found my way

When I finished singing, I found myself being welcomed by Noona's familiar bright smile that I've missed in so long, that I felt a smile of my own envelope my face.

"Just so you know I'm not paying for your talent fee. I never asked you to sing for me." She smirked haughtily.

Sarcastic, witty Noona is back! Assa!

I smirked right back at her. "Don't worry. The affirmation that you are ARMY is payment enough for me."

She gasped in shock. "Okay for the record I'm not a saesang fan. I'm a fan but I'm not die – hard unlike my friend Youngie. I hope you know that."

"Hey no biggie. It's just cool to be able to duet with an ARMY that's my friend."

"Uh – huh."

"Yeah. You know you have to tell me the story of how you became an ARMY someday, right?" She raised her eyebrows at me. I smiled cheekily at her in response. "So, are you going to tell your Mama or not?"

She expelled a breath and looked at me helplessly. "I'll tell her. You're right, I should at least try." She looked at me appraisingly then. "You know you're pretty encouraging when you want to."

I combed my hair back reminiscent of Jimin – hyung. "What can I say? I'm the Golden Maknae, after all."

She punched me lightly on the shoulder for the jape. "Yeah, right." Then she offered me a gentle smile and I felt a fuzzy feeling wash over me. "But really, thank you Jungkook for setting me straight. You helped me find my way. Thank you so much."

I winked at her in response. "It's no problem at all Noona. I'm glad I could help."

She raised her closed fist in the air. "And I'm glad you became my friend."

I bumped my fist with hers. "Me too, Noona. Me too."

Y/N's POV

I watched as puffs of smoke billowed from my mouth in the chilly night air. The nights were becoming colder and it seems like the change in the seasons was near. With a hint of trepidation and with slightly shaking fingers, I dialed a number and waited as the phone rang. On the third ring, it picked up and my Mama's warm voiced echoed through the line.

"Hello?"

I gripped the balcony railing tighter as I steeled myself for what I was about to say. "H - hello, Ma."

"Oh anak. Napatawag ka?" (Oh hi dear. You called?)

"Ma, K–Pop idol trainee po ako." (Ma, I'm a K – Pop idol trainee.)

There I got it out.

"Ha?" My Mama's confused voice resounded through my ear.

Oh boy.

"K – pop idol trainee po. As in yung pareho sa 2NE1 yung parang si Sandara. Magiging idol po ako pagkatapos ng dalawang taong training." (I'm a K – Pop idol trainee. Like 2NE1, like Sandara. I'll be an idol after two years of training.)

A resounding silence was heard for a good few minutes or so before my Mama spoke up again.

"Seryoso ka?" (Are you serious?) Her deadpanned voice echoed back.

I gulped hard. This is make it or break it.

"Opo. Mag – iisang buwan na rin nang magsimula akong magtraining." (Yes. It's been almost a month since I started my training.)

Another tension filled silence ensued.

Holy crap Ma. At least say something!

"Eh bakit hindi mo sinabi kaagad?! Ang galing!" (Why didn't you tell me sooner!? That's amazing!) Her excited, squealing voice reverberated through my ears and into my muddled brain.

Wait what?

"H – hindi ka galit Ma? Akala ko magagalit ka?" (You're not mad, Ma? I thought you'd be mad.) I asked dumbfounded after a few seconds of stunned silence.

Her warm laughter could be heard next. "Eh bakit naman ako magagalit eh alam kong noon pa lang hilig mo na ang pagkanta. Masaya nga ako eh kasi sa pagkakataong ito ay sinunggaban mo na ang pangarap mo."(Why would I be mad when I knew even back then, singing was your passion? In fact I'm happy because you seized the opportunity to follow your dream.) She paused then spoke again. "Masayang – masaya ako para sa iyo anak. Ipagpatuloy mo lang ang pangarap mo. Susuportahan kita hanggang sa dulo." (I'm really happy for you, dear. Continue your dream. I'll be here supporting you until the end.)

I gripped the phone tighter to my ear as I expelled a disbelieving breath. A wave of emotions overtook me, with relief and happiness finally taking lead. I couldn't believe it. My Mama was actually happy for me. I felt tears tug at the corner of my eyes and quickly blinked it away.

This is no time for tears Y/N! Get yourself together.

Another beat of silence filled the conversation before my Mama spoke.

"Yun yung dahilan kung bakit ang tagal mong nakatawag, ano?" (That's the reason why you weren't able to call for so long, is it?)

I nodded then realized she couldn't see me before verbally confirming it. "Opo. Buong araw po kasi kaming nageensayo. Tapos Linggo lang kami nakakapagpahinga. Pero higit pa roon." (Yes. We're practicing the whole day and we only ever rest on Sundays. But more than that.) I sighed ready to reveal my greatest fear to her. "Natakot ako na baka magalit ka sa akin. Na mas pinaiiral ko ang pagiging makasarili ko dahil inuuna ko ang pangarap ko kaysa sa inyo na pamilya ko." (I was afraid you'd be mad at me. That I was being selfish for choosing my dream over my family.)

She sighed exasperatedly. "Sana hindi ka na lang nagsinungaling sa akin at sinabi mo na sa simula pa lang. Mukhang nasobrahan yata ako sa pagpapalaki sa iyo ng mabuti. Kasalanan ko rin kasi napressure kita ng sobra sa pagtulong sa akin para sa pamilya natin." (I wish you didn't have to lie to me and just told me outright. I guess it's my fault for putting pressure on you to help with our family.)

Then her voice took on a much more determined and reassuring tone. "Puwes ngayon sinasabi ko na sa iyo na iwala mo na ang takot diyan sa puso mo. Panahon na para buhay mo naman ang pagkaabalahan mo. Okay na kami rito. Naalala mo yung grocery na kinuha tayo bilang supplier ng gulay? Nagustuhan nila yung mga sariwa nating gulay at kinuha tayong lifetime supplier! Nagsimula na rin akong magtinda ng mga kakanin."

(Well, now I'm telling you I'm telling you to stop chickening out. It's time you lived your own life. We're fine here. Remember that grocery store who hired us as a supplier? They loved our fresh produce and hired us as a lifetime supplier! I also started making rice rice cakes.)

She waited a moment then said. "Talagang okey na kami anak. (We're really okay, dear.) Go. Live your dream."

Aba may pa English pa si Mama ha? Hanep! (Wow Mama's speaking in English huh? Awesome!)

I broke into the biggest grin I may have ever had. "Patawad po Ma kung nagsinungaling ako sa 'yo. At salamat na rin. Maraming salamat po talaga. Hindi lang sa pagsuporta sa akin pero pati na rin sa pagpapalaki ng mabuti sa akin. Ipinagmamalaki ko pong naging Mama kita." (I'm so sorry Ma if I lied to you. And thank you as well. Thank you so much. Not only for supporting me but also for raising me. I'm proud that you're my Mama."

My Mama sniffled as she answered. "Ano ba huwag nga tayong magdramahan dito! Happy tayo! Happy!" (We should stop with all this drama! We should be happy! Happy!)

She sniffled a bit more and coughed to get herself together. "Pero seryoso. Walang anuman anak. Salamat rin sa Diyos at nagkaroon ako ng anak na katulad mo. Ipinagmamalaki kong naging anak kita." (But seriously, you're welcome dear. I thank God as well for giving me a daughter like you. I'm proud that you're my daughter.)

Now it was my turn to get teary – eyed again but this time I let my tears fall. I figured they too needed to be set free.

"Salamat Ma." (Thanks Ma.) I bit out.

"Oh siya sige magpapaalam na ko bago pa tayo magiyakan dito. Kailangan ko na ring matulog kasi maaga pa ako sa bukid bukas. Mag – iingat ka palagi anak. Kumain at matulog ka nang mabuti. Mahal kita." (Well I better say bye before the waterworks start. I also need to sleep now since I need to be early in the fields tomorrow. Take care, dear. Eat well and sleep well. I love you.)

"Opo Ma. Mag – iingat din kayo diyan palagi. Ikamusta mo na lang ako kina June – June. Mahal kita." (I will Ma. You take care as well. Give my regards to June – June and the others.)

"Walang problema. Ba – bye." (No problem. Bye.)

"Ba – bye po." I heard the click of the line then put the phone down.

I wiped the remnants of my tears away as I looked at the sprawling, twinkling Seoul skyline.

The night was bright and now it seemed like my future was too.

Author's Note: Oh wow. I'm just glad I was able to finally finish this. I feel drained somewhat. .

Filipino culture 101

I's expected that if you're the eldest you'll be helping your parents in earning for the family, most especially if you live a simple and to put it bluntly, poor life. It's part of our collectivistic culture, one that entails loyalty and duty and giving honor to the family. That's why Y/N was afraid of disappointing and making her Mama mad.

Anyway, now her Mama knows and she's even supportive about her being an idol! Don't you just love it when parents are supportive of their kids? I'm just glad my own Mom is down with everything I choose to pursue.

(And Kookie was so encouraging to his Noona as well. I would actually melt into a puddle of feels if he serenaded me with that beautiful, angelic voice the way he did Y/N. How are you holding up, Y/N? HOOW?! Of course, real smooth Kookie! xD)

So this chapter was more character – driven than plot – driven. I figured we needed to see of who Y/N really was when it comes to her family. She can't really bring all that emotional baggage when she debuts, can she? So, I apologize if there were some parts that were a bit too mushy for your taste. I tried. T.T

And on that note, which was your favorite scene from this chapter? Did I get the balance of humor, fluff and drama right? Please let me know down below.

Until the next update! Annyeong! ^_^

PS. I've known for a while that BTS has backstories/theories to their MVs, but I haven't gotten around to watching most of them. So I'd like to ask you guys which MVs should I watch and in what order? Thank you! :)