Chapter 21

It was impossible for them to get any time alone in that house, not with both Elena and Rose staying. Quality time was elusive and it all started to get on Damon's nerves. They'd been apart for 8 weeks and he hadn't sex in that whole time. He wanted him and he could see that Stefan wanted him just as much. Vampire sex however, didn't lend much to a tendency for discrete levels of excitement and they knew that they couldn't risk getting lost in each other right now.

"Godddd!" Stefan grunted as they broke away from another passionate embrace and huffed. Damon put his arm over his eyes and sighed. "I can't take this much more. I want you."

"I know." Damon mumbled from beneath his arm. Sleeping in bed together but being unable to touch like they wanted was making them both feel like they were barely pubescent teenagers again.

"We can't take our eyes off of Elena for a second though or she'll go and make a martyr out of herself like usual."

"Can't you get her to stop doing that?" Damon moaned.

"How?" Stefan sat up irritated.

"I don't know, she's your ex. Sweet talk her into it." Stefan swatted him in the stomach and Damon jumped in surprise and looked at him.

"I've got enough on my plate without that responsibility alone brother. If you would stop offering to kill Tyler Lockwood it would help a lot."

"I'm just saying. I'd be happy to." Damon smiled sweetly. "Don't go all pouty face." Damon stuck him bottom lip out and Stefan gave a small smile inadvertently and looked away trying to stay annoyed at him.

"You're an ass."

"And you love it." Damon purred sitting up and kissing the back of his neck and sliding his arms around him. "When we stop this whole thing going down I'm stealing you away. You're not going to leave my bed for a week." Stefan hummed and leaned back into him.

"I just want one day where we can be together alone." Stefan sighed and opened his eyes as he heard Elena pause on the stairs below. Damon stopped kissing him and lay his chin on Stefan's shoulder. Elena must have heard that comment. Damon sighed against him and Stefan looked to him. Damon released him and he stood up from the bed and headed out to see her. This was the way it was right now. Elena had been staying here. Ever since Rose had been bitten and died so horribly, she had been scared for both of them, for their safety, despite the fact that she was the one prophesized to be sacrificed in some weird voodoo ceremony. Of course they both wanted her there, they demanded it in fact, but it was obvious that she still had feelings for Stefan and that there was still something between all three of them in that regard. Elena and Damon had made peace over him leaving Stefan for that period but they still seemed to butt heads a lot and Stefan was always caught in the middle.

He went out onto the stairwell as she turned around to descend the stairs again.

"Elena, hey." Stefan caught her arm gently and she turned back to face him, trying not to look wounded.

"It's ok Stefan, I get it. You don't really want me here interrupting you guys."

"It's not like that, come on you know that. I love you." He said and pulled her into a hug.

Strange how those words sounded so different to her now that they were said out of friendship. She squeezed him back and closed her eyes. In truth she was glad that she was here so they couldn't have sex. It was a terrible thing to be thinking but she wasn't quite ready to accept that it was really over. Hearing Damon and Stefan having sex would prove that things really were over. She knew that she was deluded, it wasn't as though they weren't couply in their own ways. Damon wasn't a hugely public person when it came to affection but he did kiss Stefan lightly, even to show that they were together. It had taken her a few days to get over seeing their response to each other when Damon had come back. They had ran to each other and kissed passionately, whispering words of love and devotion and it had been like a knife in her heart. She and Stefan used to have that and now it was gone.

Perhaps that's why she'd done what she had next. She could see how close they were getting to bursting, wanting to be alone together, wanting to consummate the fact that they were properly and publicly together now. She couldn't bear it, so when Elijah had asked if she needed anything, if he wanted her to do anything at all before this all went down – she'd crossed the line and she knew she was going to suffer horrible for it if she lived.

"Damon, I know things have been hard between us lately…" She began as Damon lay on his bed ignoring her, staring up at the ceiling. He'd had spoken for a few days, had barely left his room other than to feed and her guilt was beginning to grow into a monster. He blinked, his expression unreadable.

"Please, talk to me. Stefan's so upset because of this." She sat down on the edge of the bed and he closed his eyes. She watched his chest rise and fall as he struggled to breathe properly – he was in agony and it was her fault, although she could never tell them both what she'd done. They would never forgive her.

"He feels terrible. He never wanted to hurt you. It's just…you know he is better off with me." He turned to look at her. "He couldn't have had a normal life here."

"You have no idea what you're talking about Elena. He's not who you think he is." Damon spoke quietly, calmly – too calmly for someone whose true love had just dumped him for his ex-girlfriend again (courtesy of compulsion).

"That's why he still needs you." She said, holding her conscience tight in her grasp to avoid spilling the awful truth about Stefan's sudden change in heart.

"I told him I couldn't do this unless he was sure." Damon mused and looked up at the ceiling again. He was like a shell of himself. "What happened?" He croaked and closed his eyes in pain.

They both turned as Stefan ascended the stairs towards them. Stefan leaned against the door frame nervously and full of guilt and remorse as Damon's eyes filled with tears.

"Hey." Stefan whispered and Damon turned back to look at the ceiling again as he tried to compose himself.

He walked in slowly and motioned for Elena to give them some space. She reluctantly withdrew. Deep in her stomach she feared that if they were alone too much then the compulsion could wear off and they would fall in love again. She'd been too guilt-ridden to ask Elijah to compel Stefan to forget that he loved Damon – she didn't want to take that from him, but she had wanted Stefan to remember his feelings for her and feel them as intensely as he used to. That had been her request and she kept trying to tell herself that that was all she had done – but she'd known that reviving Stefan's feelings would tear him between both she and Damon and he and Damon hadn't really been together properly as a couple for long, so the history he had with her would pull him more in her direction.

She gave them some space and went to soothe her guilt with a coffee. The sacrifice was supposed to happen tonight and she was beyond terrified. Elijah had come up with a potion that he believed could save her life and so she taken it in preparation. She just had to focus on surviving this and then she could think about Stefan.

Stefan sat down on the bed and Damon turned away onto his side facing away from him.

"I don't know how I can explain." Stefan whispered and tried to stroke his back when Damon flinched away from him. "Damon, I'm so sorry. I just, it just made sense. You and I, we never made that much sense…"

"You said none of that mattered Stefan. You said you were with me on this." Damon choked bitterly, full of pain and anguish.

"I was. I promise you I was. I love you so much…"

"Shut up."

"I do, I still do. I just…I love her too and Damon this is better for both of us."

"I should never have let you inside of me." Damon curled into himself. "I knew it." His voice was laced with pain and Stefan crawled onto the bed to hold him. "No! No! Don't touch me lover boy. You made your choice."

Stefan choked and pulled him around and into his arms as Damon's composure fell away and they held each other. Stefan's heart raced and he struggled to breathe. He loved him without a doubt in his mind and he'd really wanted this with him, but then he'd realised how fated to doom it was. They were brothers. He'd told everyone in Mystic Falls who mattered, that they were actually cousins and they were in love and he had been, so in love. People reacted in different ways – some positive and some negative and Elena had been hurt the most by it. He'd seen it in her, especially when Damon had come home.

Damon pulled back and began to kiss him urgently, desperately. Searching for that same love and devotion Stefan had vowed him only a few days before but had since rescinded. Stefan held him gently and tried not to respond. He couldn't let this happen. As he tried to slow the kisses and break away, Damon held him tighter, unwilling to let him go and Stefan began to feel heat building between them once more. He sighed and tried to move but Damon was like a vice.

"I love you brother." Damon whispered against his mouth and Stefan let out a sob of uncertainty. He wanted to kiss him, it felt natural to, but he couldn't – not anymore. He broke the kiss finally and held Damon's face.

"I'll always look after you." He said and Damon's face crumpled in pain as he pushed him back and leapt out of the bed to go to his bathroom.

Damon just needed some space and time. Stefan rubbed his eyes and sighed regretfully. He'd really fucked up everything. He got up tiredly and left Damon to his pain. He just wished there was something he could do to take it away, but Damon wouldn't speak to him hardly. That kiss had been from sheer desperation, but despite that Stefan couldn't deny his heart was still divided. He had to stop this from ever happening again or it would ruin Damon.

He walked down the stairs to Elena and sat down.

"Is he ok?"

"No."

"Just give him time Stefan. He's hurting." She squeezed his hand. Stefan grunted non-committal and stared off into the distance. She watched him nervously. She should try and keep him distracted from it. If this was the last night she was going to have alive, she needed him. She knew it was a poor excuse for breaking Damon's heart but she needed Stefan right now. She was probably going to die and she was sure that their relationship would end up getting them both killed eventually too. It wasn't natural. She'd done a terrible thing but for the right reasons…right?

She inhaled and squeezed his hand again.

"I'm scared Stefan." She admitted, although he didn't comprehend the full extent of her fears.

"I'm sorry. I've been so selfish. Here you are getting ready for tonight and I'm…" He croaked and looked upwards to Damon's room. She wasn't sure if he was even aware that he'd done it as she tensed, watching him.

"Stefan, be with me today. I need to not think about what might happen." She whispered and he looked at her nervously. Why was he nervous about sex these days? She gave him a reassuring smile and tilted her head towards his bedroom. He tensed and sighed.

"We can't. Not when he's here Elena." Stefan said resolutely and she sighed, beginning to understand just how frustrated they had both been when trying to get some time alone together. A large thud sounded above them and then a crash of furniture as they looked upwards. Stefan sighed and put his head in his hands.

"He's never going to forgive me for this." He said, his eyes filling with tears. She stroked his back and kissed his head soothingly.

"He's your brother, he loves you. He just needs time."

"He was so much more than that Elena, you can't understand."

"I know." She chewed her lip. Why even with compulsion was Stefan's prevailing thought still for Damon? She couldn't understand it. She could see they loved each other and Damon had been able to feed him and make love without any boundaries but she and Stefan had had a fierce love too.

"You're not changing your mind are you?" She whispered anxiously and he lifted his head and wiped away a tear as he shook his head.

"No, it's just hard. I need some time too." He explained and she sighed and felt herself deflate. She might not be alive tomorrow. Her sadness impacted him and he drew her into his arms and kissed her hair. He stood up and pulled her with him.

"Let's get out of here for a while. Do something human." He gave her a small smile and she nodded gratefully. As they left the boarding house Stefan looked up at Damon's window and sighed. Damon was watching them leave with a bottle of whiskey in his hand. He walked away from the window and Stefan took a deep breath and got into his car. They both just needed some time and these feelings were bound to die down. They had too.

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As usual, everything in Mystic Falls had gone to shit. Stefan and Elena spent the day making love, trying to reconnect, but every time he came close to climax he saw Damon beneath him. It had taken all of his acting skills not to let Elena realise that.

Damon had gone off of the rails in a bad way and had managed to piss of just about every Allie they had.

Caroline and Tyler had been kidnapped by Klaus for what could only have been for the purposes of the ritual that night and Damon was left with the task of rescuing them while Stefan and Elena canoodled. It made him sick and angry. Why should he bother with any of this at all? Why was he still here? He should just walk away. Rick had been the only one to snap him out of his reverie – telling him to get a grip of himself and think about all of them. Even if Damon left them all to their fates now, there was no telling that Klaus wouldn't come looking for him and dispose of him too and if Stefan was killed…That woke him up. The thought of Stefan dying was too much to bear despite how much he equally loved and hated him. He reminded himself of his vow to himself from a long time ago. Stefan had forced him to live forever and so he was going to make sure that Stefan did too, otherwise he would be the one to kill him for everything that he'd done. He had to remember that and hold onto that vow even if there was nothing else keeping him here.

When Damon had found out that Stefan had offered himself as a substitute for Jenna, he'd lost his mind. Every thought or feeling of hate vanished as he panicked. This had been his fault – he'd managed to rescue Caroline and Tyler but Klaus had a plan B. He'd ran all the way into the woods, followed by a relatively calm Elijah, to find them, to offer himself instead, hoping that the fact he'd pissed off Klaus so royally on so many occasions would help his cause, when he heard Stefan screaming. His heart stopped and he ran as fast as he could into the clearing, bumping into Bonnie as she appeared as though from a mist beside him. Since he'd been off of the rails today she'd decided to plan her own strategy in case he screwed it up and he now felt very vulnerable and out of the loop.

Bonnie looked to him, unsurprised to see him there and she nodded quickly as she began to chant and stepped forward into Klaus's view. Elijah stepped up behind him and instructed him to grab Elena's body from the alter, distracting Klaus as he got behind him and killed him finally. Damon nodded and moved into the scene as Bonnie made Klaus fall to his knees screaming. Where was Stefan?! He looked around wildly, seeing Elena's body limp and lifeless and he went to her, lifting her up as Klaus growled and screamed at him. He blurred away from him to leave the job of killing him to Bonnie and Elijah. He didn't care either way, he was here for Stefan.

He spotted him finally beyond the smoke, lying in agony trying to move. Klaus had broken his back it seemed. Damon went to him and carefully lay Elena down next to him. Stefan reached out for her sobbing and Damon pulled the stake out of between his vertebra, enabling the healing process to begin. Stefan cried in pain as it healed and Damon held him gently, whispering words of comfort.

"Take her home, get her away from here." Stefan begged and Damon panted in grief. He wasn't going to leave him here!

"I'm not leaving you."

"Damon! Ahh!" He cried in pain. "Please save her." Stefan begged and Damon couldn't take the look of desperation in his eyes. He nodded and lifted her body as Stefan breathed and seemed to become calmer. He sat up.

"Come back home to me Stefan. If you die, I'll kill you." Damon ordered and Stefan gave him a look of love and anguish. Damon blurred away to safety and Stefan stood up shakily. Bonnie was chanting and flames were everywhere around them, he struggled to see. He moved towards the sound of her voice when he heard Elijah's voice too. He breathed in relief.

"For the memory of our family, this is the end for you brother." Elijah announced and plunged his fist into Klaus heart, ripping it out as Bonnie fell back and Stefan caught her. She was gasping and trying to remain upright but he could see how close she was to death. He lifted her into his arms as he looked on at the sight of Klaus's dead body and that of Elijah staring down at him.

A moment passed between them, amidst the death and flames and Stefan couldn't breathe. Elijah stood over his brothers' broken body holding his heart in his hand. This was a triumph, it was what was necessary for the greater good and yet, Elijah showed no such elation. Elijah looked down to Klaus and Stefan saw it for the first time. Indescribable grief. Stefan took a breath again and realised. It didn't matter how much pain you caused each other, how many awful things you had done, when you loved each other with such a bond, there would always be love even amongst anger and hate. It was a revelation. It was as though he was seeing himself standing above Damon's body holding his heart in his hand. Damon had done terrible things, he'd killed, hurt people, manipulated but Stefan had been the one to make him so vulnerable as to take his heart from him and kill him that way emotionally. Damon was dying inside and he was never going to get over it. Damon would love him forever. Stefan had made a decision he'd thought was for the greater good. Damon was the bad guy, Stefan was the good. It was as black and white as that sometimes, but it didn't change how much they would always feel for each other. They were bonded forever. No amount of time was going to ease that.

Stefan stepped backwards as he reeled from the thought and Elijah picked up Klaus's body and shed a tear as he held him to him and walked away, leaving Stefan to question his own fate, his own brother – the brother whom he'd taken to bed and loved and worshipped and made weak, made him feel and sacrifice everything and whom he'd also abandoned and left, expecting him to recover.

Bonnie sighed in tiredness and he came back to reality and blurred them back to his car. She needed blood and quick. He lay her in the passenger seat and she gave a weak smile of thanks. Then he smelled it. Every hair on his body stood on end as the scent of blood drifted to his nose. His eyes widened as he noticed the blood dripping from her ear. The spell had been so powerful as to be making her hemorrhage. His began to lose his calm as his veins appeared and he pulled back from her hyperventilating, trying to calm himself as he clutched at his throat. His throat burned in need for the blood and he knew he'd lose control.

Oh god, oh god…Damon…

He thought and then caught himself. Damon had always been there to stop him, to offer himself in return but Damon wasn't here and he'd never do that with him anymore. It was over. He pulled at his hair as he realised he was really on his own. Really and truly. Damon would never help him like that ever again after everything he'd done, after all of what they'd shared had been shredded by Stefan's change of mind.

"I can't do this, I can't do this!" He panted, talking to himself when he heard Bonnie call him weakly. She was dying, she was dying and he had to save her! He sobbed and tried to shake himself out of it as his body was propelled back towards her. She smelled so delicious. His mouth watered and his fangs descended. Her eyes were closed now and she was losing the fight as he leaned in towards her and inhaled her scent.

You can control it Stefan, you just have to believe you can…

You've done it before, you've just forgotten that you can…

Control it Stefan!

He heard Damon's voice replay in his head and he bit into his wrist and shoved it into her mouth as he breathed and held himself as tight as he could. He couldn't bare it much longer. Think of Damon…Think of Damon.

He pictured Damon in his bed again, smiling and laughing like they had done so long ago, before life had crashed into their bubble. As he remembered it he sobbed silently. They'd been so happy, so free. Bonnie stopped sucking and opened her eyes again and he pulled away safely and rubbed his eyes. Bonnie looked around disorientated and saw him. Instantly she smiled and realised what was happening.

"It's ok. We are going to be ok." Stefan croaked, pulling himself together as he got into the drivers' side and sped off back towards the boarding house. Back to the one he loved.