Kamui awoke with a start and was embarrassed to feel the pressure in his groin remaining from the dream.

Subaru stirred beside him and Kamui suddenly remembered that he had begun sleeping in the onmyouji's room to avoid the nightmares that had plagued him ever since that day. Certainly he and Subaru had become close but their relationship was… well Kamui wasn't sure what it was, truth be told, but it certainly hadn't involved anything like that.

"Are you alright?" Subaru mumbled as he turned over.

Kamui was abruptly reminded of the obvious tent being formed in his nether regions at the moment and squirmed away to the edge of the bed, grateful that the room was only lit by a sliver of moonlight peeking through Subaru's heavy drapes.

"I-I'm fine." He stammered and tried to slide out of bed. "But I was thinking, I really should start sleeping in my own room instead of waking you up in the middle of the night like this."

"It's fine, I don't mind. Did you have another nightmare?"

Kamui heard the rustle of the sheets as Subaru sat up and he tried to make it to the door. He was too late however, as Subaru turned on the lamp on his nightstand. It only gave off a small glow but it was more than enough with Kamui in profile like this…

Subaru blinked for a moment and then Kamui saw realization and understanding set in as his eyes widened ever so slightly before he caught himself and settled his features into a neutral expression.

"Kamui…" He began slowly.

"Sorry, I'll just-" Kamui tried his best to get to the door as quickly as possible without sprinting.

"Wait." Subaru called after him. His voice was gentle and yet stopped the teenager like a brick wall. "It's okay, you don't have to run off."

Kamui felt the burn of the blush creeping across his cheeks.

Subaru beckoned for him to return and Kamui started to run off anyway but it was cold and he was already beginning to shiver in his thin pajamas so he did as he was told and crawled back under the comforter, careful to keep as much distance as was possible just in case.

Subaru studied him in silence for a long moment and Kamui felt himself beginning to squirm under that carefully calculating gaze.

"I just… it was a dream and…"

"It's okay." Subaru shrugged. "Part of growing up."

"Can't imagine it ever happening to you." Kamui grumbled without thinking and was shocked at the blush that spread over Subaru's face.

"Not often." He mumbled but quickly cleared his throat. "But still, it's nothing to be ashamed of."

"Okay, but what do you do about it then."

Subaru was suddenly consumed with a wracking cough, a momentary distraction as Kamui worried over his health.

"Well?" He at last pressed when the fit had subsided and Subaru gave him a bewildered look, leaving no doubt in Kamui's mind that he had in fact been faking.

"Well... the usual I guess."

The first time they had ever met, Subaru had practically told Kamui his life story, about the man he had loved, about his sister's brutal murder, about the anguish he had experienced since then. In the short time that they had known one another now, Kamui knew some of the most intimate details of the onmyouji's life and hell, was sleeping in his bed now. What could possibly be so earth-shatteringly private that he would balk now.

Kamui pointed all of this out and Subaru shifted uncomfortably, but conceded the point.

"I just meant that there's... you know, plain old masturbation."

Kamui raised an eyebrow. "You masturbate. That's kind of hard to imag-" He trailed off as he realized that not only was it not nearly as difficult as he might have liked to imagine, it was also not nearly as unpleasant as he might have preferred. This was not helping the issue at hand. He cleared his throat. "This wasn't the kind of dream I would want to jerk off to."

"Why not?" Subaru asked almost reflexively and Kamui saw the shadow of regret pass through his eyes. Before he could take the question back, Kamui quickly answered.

"It just wasn't much fun."

Subaru's eyes dipped for only a split second before he caught himself and Kamui blushed fiercely.

"No I mean… yeah there was some stuff in it… but it was too violent." He wrapped his arms tightly, defensively, around himself. "Mostly." He mumbled more to his chest than to Subaru.

"Mostly?"

"Well, most of it was about Fuuma acting strange like he did when he turned into the other 'Kamui'."

"Oh." Subaru's eyes filled with sympathy. "What was the rest?"

How could a twenty-five year old man honestly look that guileless? Kamui wondered at the streaks of innocence that still remained in those emerald eyes after all that had happened.

"The rest…" Kamui swallowed hard. Part of him wanted to lie, but it seemed so hypocritical after calling Subaru out earlier on the supposed openness between them. "The rest was about you." He confessed at last.

"Me?" The onmyouji was clearly taken aback.

"Yeah, that was the only part of the dream that didn't suck." Kamui replied then felt his face grow hot as he realized the poor choice of wording.

Subaru blinked in confusion a few times before his meaning clicked, his eyes widening blatantly as it dawned on him.

"Oh," he drew the syllable out slowly. "That was why you were in such a rush to go."

"I still can." Kamui mumbled, starting to push aside the blankets.

"No, it's okay." Subaru reflexively reached out for his arm before Kamui could skitter away. "It was just a dream."

Kamui stared at the hand wrapped around his wrist, at the faint outline of scars. "Do you ever have dreams like that about him?"

Subaru was silent for so long that Kamui finally raised his head to face him, only to find that Subaru wouldn't quite meet his eyes.

"Yes." He replied quietly, more in response to the gaze than the question. He withdrew his hand to pull it into his own lap as though curling in upon himself. "Sometimes."

A thought suddenly occurred to Kamui. "Except you've been dealing with it by yourself all this time haven't you?"

Dulled clouds of grief too-long bourn passed over the older man's eyes, tarnishing the emerald of them to a worn gray. Something about the helplessness, the weariness that he saw there, strangely emboldened Kamui, awakening the same part of him that had declared his determination to protect the world for Kotori and Fuuma's sakes. A small spark of rebellion struck in him.

"May- may I touch you?"

Subaru snapped back to reality from his lonely reminiscence. "What?"

Kamui took a steadying breath. "Can I touch you?" Beneath Subaru's even gaze, he began to falter once more. "It's just- it's not fair."

"What's not fair?"

Kamui struggled to put into words the thoughts tumbling over one another in his mind. "You've helped me so much, been there to support me and yet you've been all alone all this time. You're always there when other people need you but no one has been there for you all these years."

Subaru opened his mouth to speak but Kamui cut him off. "I want to make it up to you somehow."

"You have nothing to make up to me. And even if you did, this isn't the most appropriate way to do so."

"Maybe not. But it's something." Kamui bit his lip and added before he could stop himself "Besides, it might be a little bit selfish of me to want to this way too."

It was a bit manipulative he realized, to make Subaru believe that this was just something Kamui wanted for himself. Subaru had a bad habit of giving into other people's wishes too readily and it seemed a bit unfair to use that against him, but Kamui reasoned that there were worse ways to exploit that inclination.

Predictably, Subaru gave in, acquiescing with a single nod that might have otherwise merely been an almost bow. The problem now of course was that Kamui realized that he had no idea what he was doing. He awkwardly stared at the space between them for a moment, uncertain of how to close the distance. Subaru naturally noticed his hesitation and was quick to remind Kamui again that he didn't have to do anything at all.

Something about the altruism there suddenly got under Kamui's skin. It just wasn't fair.

"It's okay."

No. Kamui thought. It's not okay. Nothing that has happened to you has been okay. Before Subaru could say one more word about how okay everything was, he shifted to balance on his knees, placing a hand firmly on each of Subaru's shoulders for support, and kissed him just to shut him up.

The older man's face registered a certain degree of shock as Kamui leaned back, nervous but determined, and tugged at the hem of Subaru's t-shirt. Still numb with surprise, it took Subaru a moment to understand what he wanted well enough to raise his arms, letting Kamui strip away the shirt, tossing it carelessly over the side of the bed. Subaru watched it drop out of sight, seeming almost confused as to how it had gotten from his body to the floor.

Okay so Kamui still didn't exactly know what he was doing and he was sure that he was missing the finer points of seduction here but whatever. It wasn't as though he had had any practice with this and he guessed by the look that Subaru was giving him, that the older man hadn't had a whole lot of experience here either. All he really had to go by was instinct, and if he was being completely honest, the handful of pornos he had seen. Since the latter had always been a guy and a girl, not to mention obviously staged anyway, he wasn't entirely sure how useful what little he had gleaned from them would be.

So instinct it was.

He had always kind of wanted to touch Subaru's hair, to see if it was as soft as it looked, but Subaru was taller than him and so that was always the part of him that was farthest away, like some well-kept secret. Now, raised on his knees while Subaru sat cross-legged, he realized that he was for once above Subaru and that it was the perfect opportunity. Starting at his left temple, Kamui slid a hand through Subaru's hair, feeling a small frisson of delight run down his spine at the discovery that it was just as soft as he had imagined, not silky but almost downy. He ran his fingers along the scalp, behind the graceful curve of an ear and let them come to rest at the nape of Subaru's neck, enjoying the sensation as much as the sense of breaking some taboo with that intimate touch.

Neck. Kamui suddenly recalled some of the sharper details from his dream. As much as he didn't want to emulate Fuuma's actions or intentions, he couldn't deny the more pleasurable aspects of some of what he had done. Kamui hesitantly sank slightly, still holding the back of Subaru's neck as though to hold him in place as he placed a cautious kiss just below the onmyouji's jaw line. Out of the corner of his eyes, he could see Subaru's lips part slightly, though he made no sound. How was he going to be able to read reactions like that? Kamui slid his left hand from Subaru's shoulder to his chest, to rest just over his heart, before trying again, pressing his lips a little more firmly against a spot slightly lower on his throat. Perhaps he was imagining things, but he could have sworn that the pulse beneath the heel of his palm quickened. Certainly there was no denying the cut off gasp that followed when Kamui curiously ran his tongue over the same spot.

He buried his face in Subaru's neck, grateful for an excuse not to have to look him in the eye as he let his left hand roam over the pale plane of Subaru's chest. To his surprise, Subaru raised a hand himself to wrap around Kamui, resting on his back with reassuring warmth, silent and gentle encouragement. Kamui took it as a sign of welcome and his own hand dipped lower, fingertips exploring the onmyouji's stomach, intrigued by the very faint definition of abdominal muscles. He had never thought of Subaru as being especially keen on working out, but he guessed that martial arts training and periodically fighting for his life were enough to keep one fairly in shape. And at least Subaru wasn't quite as painfully thin as he had been before he had moved into Imonoyama mansion with the rest of them.

Kamui's hand slid sideways, almost of its own accord, to explore the ridge of Subaru's hip. "May I?" He hooked a finger just beneath the waistband of Subaru's shorts, pleased with the way Subaru's breath hitched slightly at the contact. He buried his face in Kamui's neck, nodding against it and Kamui tugged the shorts down. Of course he couldn't quite get them off, what with Subaru still sitting down, but still he had enough space to reveal that he had indeed been having the effect on the onmyouji that he had hoped for.

Of course he had seen other guys naked in the locker rooms before and after gym and a few times at public baths on school trips, but he had never been up close and personal with another guy's dick before, especially not when said guy was aroused. He had never wanted to be. Looking at Subaru's now, he realized he wasn't sure why not. There was a certain attractive quality to it. Yeah, it was different from seeing a girl so exposed, but not in a particularly bad way. Certainly it would be absurd to try to deny the effect it was having on his own already hesitantly growing erection.

For a brief moment, he wondered to himself what he was supposed to do about it. He remembered all too well Fuuma's actions of the dream but realized he didn't feel quite emboldened enough for that just yet when Subaru's earlier words returned to him.

"The usual I guess."

Kamui shifted slightly, gaining better balance before reaching down to cautiously touch his fingertips to the exposed head. Subaru groaned slightly and Kamui felt the effects of that nonverbal response just as much as though Subaru had touched him as well.

Spurred on by the reaction, he slid his hand further down, grazing the onmyouji's testicles as he wrapped his hand around the base of his shaft. Subaru's hands twisted in the back of Kamui's shirt and Kamui wondered if the fact that it was tugging the shirt up, exposing his lower back, was intentional.

It was strange, the new awareness that came with touching someone else. When he was jerking off himself, Kamui realized he was focused on the sensations coming from his own genitals, but how that he was touching someone else, that sensation was gone and for the first time, he was able to pay attention to his hand's perspective. He'd never realized how soft the skin on the penis was. For all that people tended to think of rock-hard erections, the "hardness" extended only to the form, not the texture. It was surprisingly pleasant actually, if Kamui was being honest with himself, and he had no trouble finding the motivation to test out a few slow strokes.

Subaru's hands meanwhile began a first unconscious mimicry of the motion along Kamui's spine beneath his shirt. Once he realized what he was doing, Subaru paused and seemed to consider carefully before asking if he could unbutton the pajama top. Kamui nodded, slightly distracted by the sudden dilemma of having to decide whether to wipe the bit of pre-cum off of his hand or not. He decided to leave it for now, even if it was a bit sticky. It wasn't like he could stop every few seconds to wash his hands and anyway, maybe it would work as a little bit of lubricant?

Not really as it turned out it dried too quickly but that was okay as Subaru took his time unbuttoning Kamui's shirt and the feel of those gentle hands brushing his stomach and chest were driving him a bit mad. Letting his right hand keep a firm grasp on its charge, he wrapped his left around the back of Subaru's neck, diving in for another insistent, if sloppy kiss, biting down slightly on Subaru's lip as he came up for air. Subaru fortunately got the message and the feather light brushes turned a little more firmly tactile, although still far from intrusive.

"Subaru… please." Kamui tightened his grip and gave Subaru a pleading look not to mention a more insistent tug further south. It was a lucky thing that Subaru was generally good at reading social cues and caught on quickly to the unspoken request.

It was hard to tell whether it was Subaru's hands or Kamui's own body trembling as Subaru reached beneath his waistband, blindly following the curve of hip that vanished beneath it. He explored for only a moment before pausing and pulling his hand back out. Kamui gave a most dissatisfied groan that turned into a gasp of surprise when Subaru changed tactics and slid his hand up Kamui's leg and into his shorts from a different angle instead, giving himself a less awkward position to work from.

Kamui gasped as Subaru's fingers discovered and gently explored his balls. How had he never realized how sensitive they were before? He involuntarily leaned into that touch, trying not to lose focus on his own exploration of Subaru's dick. He had to tighten his left-handed grip on Subaru's shoulder just to keep himself steady as Subaru's hand finally wrapped around his penis and began to slowly stroke.

One might think that giving and receiving a handjob at the same time would be pretty much the same as masturbation. One would be quite wrong as it turned out. The feel of someone else's body, someone else's breath, the strangled sounds of concealed pleasure, they all added up to make an entirely different experience as Kamui was swiftly discovering.

Their movements grew more frantic, less careful until the last crest of sensation washed over them both, not in perfect sync but in close enough timing to appreciate the shared ecstasy.

For just a moment, they sat, gasping for breath. Kamui was far too light-headed to think of much else for the time being so it was Subaru who first shifted, sliding his hand down from the top of Kamui's thigh where it had rested.

"Ah. I, um, I'll get a towel." He remarked awkwardly, disentangling himself from Kamui and the sheets before Kamui could have a chance to register any embarrassment at being the source of part of the mess.

While Subaru rummaged around in the bathroom, Kamui studied his hand, rubbings his fingers together, testing the odd consistency of the semen on them until curiosity got the better of him. He licked the side of his forefinger and made a face. It wasn't so much the taste as it was the texture that caught him off guard somehow. He wasn't so sure how he would feel about having any more of that in his mouth, although it was not as bad as he might have imagined. He blushed at the thought, realizing the implications and quickly lowered his hand as Subaru reentered the room.

"Ah- I'm sorry about your shorts."

Kamui shook his head as he wiped his hands on the offered towel. "It's okay. But um, do you mind if I sleep… without them?"

Subaru shifted nervously but nodded.

Kamui wriggled out of the shorts without actually getting out of bed, having decided that he had done enough of that for the night. Besides, he wasn't entirely sure his legs would hold him at the moment. He began to snuggle back into his spot but paused.

"Oh. It's wet."

Subaru opened his mouth but Kamui gave him an even gaze. "If you apologize for one more thing tonight, I'm going to hit you in the face with a pillow."

Subaru's mouth hung open in surprise for a moment, caught mid-apology, but he soon closed it into a warm smile with a hint of self-conscious worry. "No regrets?"

Kamui shook his head insistently. "No regrets." A troubling thought struck him. "You don't regret it do you?"

Subaru quickly shook his head in turn and Kamui wondered if he was intentionally mimicking him.

"Well. Okay then." Came the awkward reply and they sat again in uncertain silence until Subaru pointed out that they should go to sleep.

"Yeah… I'm kind of exhausted now." They shared a nervous laugh.

"You can sleep on this side if you want." Subaru offered.

"I do actually."Kamui grabbed Subaru's arm before he could crawl to the other side of the bed. "With you. If that's okay."

"It'll be close." Subaru pointed out.

"I know."

Subaru conceded and they shifted and wriggled until they had reached a comfortable snuggle more or less, too tired to be concerned with propriety just now. Some part of Kamui knew that when the morning came with its judging light of day that things might be a little different, but for now, he was content to rest his head on Subaru's shoulder and enjoy the soft rise and fall of his chest.

It was only as he was drifting to sleep that he wondered if the door had been cracked slightly open earlier.

.

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Author's Note:

Oho! Who opened the door? :P Well you'll just have to wait and find out when I write the next chapter, if I ever get around to it. XD

So the thing is, I don't actually ship Kamui and Subaru together. In fact, I am one of those odd people who really really liked Kamui with Kotori so I don't even consider him gay or bi, or whatever CLAMP was trying to imply with the whole Fuuma business (even though I think it's obvious that Fuuma had a thing for him). So this chapter gave me a lot of trouble to write because the characters remain in character to my own canon in my head and sometimes chat with me as I write my fanfics. The following was how the conversation with Kamui went the whole time I was writing this:

Kamui: *glare*

Me: What?! At least I'm letting you get laid! Sort of!

Kamui: But with SUBARU.

Me: Well he's hot at least.

Kamui: But he's a GUY.

Me: Oh very well spotted Kamui, you're oh so observant.

Kamui: *glares some more*

Subaru meanwhile was nowhere to be found. He was probably off dealing with a suicidal ghost or maybe helping Yuzuriha toilet paper Yuuto's house for all we know.

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