The Water is Wide
Chapter 21
A Truth Untold
The feast to celebrate the High King's birthday was spectacular. The foods were amazing and the wines delicious. Narnians from all over the country came to bid health and long life to their king, including an old Beaver couple who were simply called Mr. and Mrs. Beaver. The night was filled with laughter, singing—in which I took requests from the crew and sang their favorite songs from the voyage and debuted the song I had been writing with Mr. Tumnus—and there was even a bit of dancing. Much to his elder siblings' surprise, Edmund danced with me willingly and quite often.
I didn't know the feast of celebration would also be a feast of parting, though. A little more than a week later, the High King sailed for Tashbaan. It was said that he was simply going for a friendly visit and a much needed time of relaxation, but for some reason I had the feeling that he was going to search for my siblings. With each day that passed and there was no word that the High King had found them, the fear that I would never see my siblings again grew stronger. I know Edmund and Lucy did everything they could to keep my mind off of that fear.
My mornings were spent learning to read and write with Lucy; she could be a grueling master. My afternoons were spent with Edmund and Philip. I learned nearly all there was to know about riding, and came to quite enjoy a good race. I always rode Brenna and, when we raced, Edmund would ride a dumb stallion; it was unfair to race against a talking Horse unless both parties were on talking Horses.
The days passed, some were a little slower than others but they too passed. When the High King had been gone for somewhere more than two months but somewhere less than three, Edmund and his sisters received word that the High King was leaving Tashbaan. He was not returning to the Cair, however; he decided to sail by the Lone Islands on his way and see what he could find there, for he had found no trace of my siblings in Calormen. I thought I would feel relief at knowing my siblings weren't serving as slaves, but instead I only felt despair. At least if they were slaves, I would know something.
The summer weather slowly came to an end as the autumn weather began to set in. One month turned to the next. The High King had been gone for nearly four months when word was received that he was returning home at last. According to Edmund though, his latest letters of correspondence were unusually vague. The High King said nothing to indicate either way whether he had found something useful or not.
"You wished to see me, Hi…Peter?" I said timidly as I stepped into the High King's study alongside Salinus. For a moment the High King didn't say anything. He just looked at me with eyes that were cold and distant.
"Yes, thank you for coming," he said suddenly, with an air of cheerful politeness that seemed forced. When he addressed those around him though, he seemed genuine. "Thank you, Lord Peridan. That will be all for now, but we will resume this later."
The High King then addressed Balnair and his own guard. He asked them to remain outside and see to it that none, especially his brother or sisters, disturbed our private meeting. Then he turned to Salinus.
"If you will please, Salinus," the High King said as he indicated to the door behind us. I suddenly felt I didn't want to be alone with the High King.
"Please, Your Majesty, if you've brought me here to tell me my siblings are dead I would like to have Edmund here, if not he then Salinus."
Again the High King didn't speak to me, and again I saw only cold eyes as he looked my way. He looked to Salinus and nodded his head to the door. Salinus bowed in response. Before he left, he turned towards me and placed his hand on my shoulder. He squeezed gently and when I looked into his eyes I saw such sadness as I had never seen before. Terrified of being left alone, I grabbed his hand desperately.
"No! Please don't leave me. Please, Salinus," I pleaded.
"I'm sorry, my friend, truly, but I must go."
Salinus squeezed my shoulder again before prying my hands from his and patting them gently. I watched him leave, unable to bring myself to face the High King and his coldness alone. The High King said nothing in Salinus' absence; he only stood silently behind me waiting for me to turn. At last I gained the courage to do so. There was no sorrow in his eyes as there had been in Salinus'. There was only a never ending stream of coldness, and something akin to anger. Whatever this meeting was about, it didn't concern my siblings.
"Have a seat." There was no 'please' as he indicated to the chair before his desk. When he looked at me though, the anger in his eyes was paralyzing and I couldn't move.
"I don't enjoy repeating myself." His eyes dropped to the chair again and then they came back to me. This time his anger was enough to override my fear.
I sat.
The High King moved from his place behind his desk and sat on its right corner. His left leg was bent, but his right remained straight and his foot touched the floor. He loomed over me and looked down on me from a seemingly great height.
"Do you know what these are?" he asked as he handed me a pile of papers."
I took the papers with unsteady hands and looked them over. I could read well enough now to know that the papers contained a list of names, lots of names, with numbers written beside the names.
"I…I do not know, Your Majesty. It appears to be a list of names, but I don't know why. I can't make out the words at the top. Perhaps if Edmund or Lucy were…"
"They are records," the High King interrupted me firmly. "Birth records to be precise," he continued. Suddenly I knew what this meeting was about; my heart began to race. "It was a practice started under the Witch's command. The name and dates of birth and death of every islander were recorded. When someone new moved to the islands or when a child was born, their name was added to the records. It was a way for the Witch to keep track of how many lived on the islands, and how many children were born. Have you heard of these records?"
I nodded slowly.
"Here is a similar list, this one containing the names of established vessels: ships, carts, and horses too. There is another list, I do not have it with me, which details the departing and returning ships. This list includes the name of the ship and all those on board, the date of its departure from Narrowhaven, the date of its return, and, once more, the names of all those on board."
I bit my lip and kept my head bowed as I tried to hide my tears and fear.
"Now, it was this last list I was searching when I found something rather peculiar. Do you know what that might be?" The High King paused but not long enough for me to respond. "This peculiarity led me to the other lists in which I found something even more peculiar. In the last fifty years there have been exactly three records made for the name 'Estelle.' One was for a small fishing vessel. Of the other two, both were given for a female human, one was born nearly forty-five years ago, and the other died about five years ago."
My tears were unstoppable now, but still I fought to contain them.
"It is clear to me that you are a girl and not a small fishing vessel. However, neither are you dead nor do you appear to be forty-five. This revelation leaves behind several troubling questions in my mind. Under normal circumstances, with such questions being asked I would request that my brother, the Just King, be present. Considering that my brother would be emotionally compromised in this case, I thought it best to leave him out of it…for the moment. Now please, who are you, and what are your intentions with Narnia?"
I shook my head furiously and swiped at my tears. "Nothing," I croaked. "I have no intentions with Narnia, nothing ill. I love Narnia and her people. I would never want to harm her." I swiped again at the tears that continued to fall.
There was a moment of pause as though he were evaluating my answer. "And your name?"
"A—" I hesitated.
"Your name." This was not a request but a demand.
"Aaralynn. My name is Aaralynn," I conceded. It felt strange to speak my true name after so long. "Estelle was my mother. That is all I have hidden from you, I swear. You can check the records. I…I remember something like these after Heulyn was born. We had to submit his name at the Governor's dwelling. There is a list similar to these which includes family ties. Check them. You will find that Estelle, the one that died five years ago, my mother, had five children; I am the eldest of these."
The High King was silent for a long while. I was certain he didn't believe me, but I knew of nothing else to do or say, neither was I capable of doing or saying anything else for the tears and fear that restricted me. At last he sighed and spoke in a voice that was less threatening.
"Why would you give your mother's name as your own?"
"I don't know," I said honestly. "When Salinus first asked, I truly couldn't remember. And when I did, I was too busy thinking of my siblings to recall that I hadn't given my name. When Lucy asked again before the tour, she asked if there was any name I wanted to be called. My mother's was the first name to come to mind.
"On the islands, it is not uncommon for a girl to be called by her mother's name. And I have always found strength in my mother. She was so strong, even when her body was too weak to hold her she was strong. Before she died, she promised me that same strength. I didn't mean to harm anyone by it. I didn't think it would matter."
"You didn't think it would matter?" he repeated almost incredulously. "Estelle…Aaralynn," he corrected. As strange as it felt to speak my name it was even stranger to hear someone else speak it. "Do you realize that in our efforts to find your siblings, had we been using the name you gave us, your siblings would not have known you by it? They would claim to have no sister by the name 'Estelle,' and thus the report we received would have been inaccurate."
I hadn't thought of that, and as that realization washed over me a new panic began to form. My siblings might have been safe all along but because I gave Edmund and Lucy a name that was not mine, they couldn't find them. The past several months of worry and anxiety over what may have happened to my siblings could have been caused by my false name. It could be my fault that my siblings hadn't been found yet. It was my fault that we were separated in the first place, and it was my fault that we weren't back together yet.
Fresh tears ran from my eyes. I buried my face in my hands and my shoulders shook with sobs. For several minutes I sat there crying, unable to stop. A hand that was neither mine nor Edmund's rubbed my shoulder awkwardly, almost as though it were an attempt to calm me down.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. It's my fault. I can't believe it's my fault. I abandoned them in the storm and every day since. How could I? It's my fault."
"It is not your fault, Aaralynn. You did not abandon your siblings," the High King said in a voice that was very different from when I had first entered his study. When I lifted my head from my hands it was to find that the High King no longer sat on his desk, but he was bent before me with his hand on my shoulder.
"It's my fault you haven't been able to find them," I said.
"No," he reiterated.
"But you said…"
"I said, had we given your name in the search they would not have known you. Fortunately, in our efforts, we did not give your name. We searched only for theirs. It is not your fault that we haven't found them."
"Maybe not, but I did abandon them. I don't deserve to be a sister."
"Why do you think you abandoned them?"
"Papa ordered me into the dinghy with them. He told me not to wait, but I did. And because I hesitated, we were separated."
"You put your siblings into the boat and then you waited for your father. You didn't want to leave him."
I shook my head.
"And then there was an accident. It was out of your control. It was not your fault."
"I could have acted in a way that would have prevented the accident."
The High King nodded quietly. "There are many things in this life that could have been prevented by the actions or inactions of others. We cannot dwell on what could have been. In the end, all things have a way of working according to Aslan's will."
"My mother used to say something very like that."
"She sounds like she was a wise woman with a strong faith."
"She was. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to cause you any trouble or to make you doubt me. I…I just wanted to feel strong like she was." I was silent for a moment, before asking what I feared. "Does Edmund know? What you found on the islands, does Edmund know?"
"No. Only Salinus and my guard were with me at the time; they know. I believe you should tell him, and my sisters. But be warned, Aaralynn, if you do not tell my siblings in a reasonable time, I shall be forced to do so myself."
"Maybe I should just let you tell Edmund. He'll never want to see me again once he learns the truth."
"No, Aaralynn, you should tell him. This truth would be best received if told by you. And I believe you will find my brother more forgiving than you imagine."
I nodded silently in understanding, but I still dreaded the thought of having to tell Edmund. The High King rose to his feet and retreated to stand behind his desk. I took this as a sign that I was free to leave and so I too rose to my feet. I was about to open the door when High King Peter suddenly called out.
"Aaralynn." I turned back towards the desk.
"Yes, Peter?"
"When you tell my brother the truth, you should tell him everything."
That word, everything, resonated deep within me. The way he said it…Did he… did he know the truth about Terebinthia?
Wow! How long has it been? I don't even know. I'm so sorry though. Hope this satisfies you for a bit.