Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek

"Jim? Come on Jim, talk to me. What's going on? Who is that?"

Archer was getting worried. Jim hadn't spoken in several moments, and didn't seem to be completely aware of the situation around him.

K'Temoc put the PADD down. "I guess I don't need to ask if you know him," he commented dryly, though his tone didn't completely mask his own concern for the state of the Captain on the other end of the call.

Jim focused his mind on taking several calming breaths, and on not letting the tears he could feel building in his eyes escape. After a minute, he closed his eyes tightly against the burning, took one last deep breath, and let it out slowly, opening his eyes.

Jon seemed content to wait for the most part, but when he sensed Jim was getting a grip on himself, he straightened in his seat slightly and adopted the authoritative Admiral tone of voice that he knew the Captain in Jim would not be able to help but respond to. "Report, Captain Kirk."

Just as he had thought, Jim quickly snapped out of whatever hellish thoughts had captured his mind for the last few minutes. He still wouldn't meet Jon's or K'Temoc's gaze, his own eyes remaining fixed on the desk, as he quietly replied, "Karidian is not his real name. I knew him as Kodos."

Jon sat back in his seat, startled at the information. That was not what he had been expecting. Swallowing harshly, he turned to the computer. "K'Temoc, that man is a fugitive from the Federation. He is wanted for the murder of over four thousand Federation citizens. Would your people be opposed to handing him over to us face justice?"

K'Temoc frowned in thought, thinking about all the research he had done after his first meeting with Jim. He had been intrigued, about the Captain and about the history of the deserted planet they had met on. He had looked into what had happened and why, and came up with the former governor, known as Kodos the Executioner, who had decided to murder half the colony to let the other half live; according to official records, he had been killed when Starfleet had arrived.

"I was led to believe that this man had been killed upon Starfleet's arrival at the planet Tarsus IV more than fifteen years ago," the Klingon commented, intrigued. "All reports that I was able to read indicated that the man was dead."

Jon flinched, looking ashamed. "We found a body, burned beyond recognition," he admitted ruefully. "The Admirals decided that it would be better for everyone, including the survivors, to have the situation resolved. We had carried out a private search for the man for a few years, but nothing ever came of it." He looked at Jim, remorse clear in his expression. "Jim…"

Jim just shook his head, finally looking up. "I knew he wasn't dead, Jon, you don't have to apologize. I might not like the lying and subterfuge, but I did understand why you all did it. Eventually, anyway."

Jon furrowed his brow. "How did you know?" he asked curiously. "We kept that information highly classified."

A ghost of a smirk crossed Jim's face for a brief moment. "I know I've said this before, but Starfleet really needs better firewalls."

Jon sighed wearily and shook his head. "I probably shouldn't be surprised," he muttered under his breath. Louder, he continued, "Maybe that's something you can help with, if you have time before you ship out again."

Jim didn't say anything, but he nodded slightly in agreement, and Jon turned back to the computer. "So do you think the Klingons would be willing to hand the fugitive over?"

K'Temoc looked uncertain. "I will address the issue with the Clan leaders. I would recommend sending a ship to wait near the Neutral Zone, just in case. If, and I do believe it to be possible, the leaders agree, we will bring Karidian, or Kodos as he is known, to your envoy."

Jon inclined his head gratefully. "Thank you very much; we appreciate your disclosure."

K'Temoc didn't reply, and just signed off. Jon turned back to Jim, whose gaze had fallen once more to the desk in front of him. He wanted to say something that could offer some sort of comfort, but he had no idea what that would be, so he just sighed. "I'll send the Endeavor. They're pretty close to the Neutral Zone right now, so it shouldn't take too long to get them in place." He worried his lower lip, wishing he knew what was going on in the younger man's head right now. "I'll make sure the Captain uses discretion. If Kodos –" He paused as Jim attempted to hide the shudder that rippled across his shoulders. "Apparently he's been stalking you for a while. I'd rather none of this get out before we have a chance to get ahead of the game." He wanted to ask if the kid knew why the former governor had been gathering information on him, wondering if it aided the theories he and Richard had thought up, that Jim had been the one to send Starfleet the incriminating documents that had brought the situation to Starfleet's attention. The documents that proved what Kodos had done. No one could confirm where the information had come from, but finding the teenager JT in the state he was, compiled with the vague suggestions that had been noted in the documents themselves, had certainly suggested that the kid was more than just an ordinary victim.

Jim still continued to stare at the desk, even after Jon fell silent. He remained unmoving for long enough that Jon was seriously considering comming Chris or Lieutenant Wallace, or maybe Spock or McCoy; any of them could probably help better than he could. But before he had a chance, Jim levered himself out of the chair and left the office.

Jon watched the door close behind the Captain. "Shit," he muttered, before leaning over to pick up his comm.

XXX

Chris found Jim throwing up in an alley next to Cochrane Hall. He waited until the kid was finished, before he moved forward, offering the young man a hand.

Jim didn't bother resisting, and let the Admiral maneuver him a few feet away; Chris gently pulled Jim with him as he sank down to the ground, leaning against the sun-warmed metal wall of Cochrane Hall. The Captain didn't have to ask how the older man had found him, knowing that Jon had probably sent him. He wasn't even upset that Jon had told someone. It could just have easily been Carol or Bones that the Admiral had sent, and then Jim would have felt like he had to pull himself together and pretend that nothing was wrong.

He didn't have it in him to pretend right now.

So Chris really was the best option. The man knew everything, or at least almost everything, and he wouldn't expect anything. Indeed, Chris just sat there, waiting, watching the threads of thought chase their way across Jim's pensive face. He kept one grip on Jim's arm, where it had settled as soon as he had announced his presence, but it was more of a grounding touch, to keep Jim from disappearing completely into the past.

After several minutes of silence, Jim finally drew in a deep shuddering breath. "I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say right now," he admitted quietly, his gaze remaining fixed on the ground in front of him.

Chris frowned worriedly. "You don't have to try," he promised. "Whatever's going on in that head of yours, just don't fake it, not for me."

It was slightly more hesitant than Chris wanted, but Jim did nod once in agreement, so the Admiral would take it. "I don't know what to do," he finally responded, his voice barely above a whisper.

Chris managed to contain his wince, and instead worked on getting the man back on his feet. "You don't have to figure it out right now. Let's just get back to your apartment, OK?"

Jim nodded minutely, and allowed the Admiral to lead him across the campus to the residence buildings. Chris kept one hand on his arm, a steady presence that reassured Jim, even if he didn't quite know how to say it. When they reached Jim's apartment, Chris let them in, and then set Jim down on the couch. "Why don't you change, get comfortable. I can talk to your friends, if you want. Keep them away. You don't have to interact with anyone until you're ready, I'll make sure to clear everything. Or I can tell them to come over, if you'd rather that."

Jim pondered the offer for a moment, and then shook his head. "There's no quicker way to worry everyone than to tell them to leave me alone," he sighed, leaning back into the sofa wearily. "I've still got a few hours before they realize something's up. It'll be fine."

Chris nodded, but he didn't look completely convinced. "Do you want me to stay?"

Jim almost said yes. He thought about it. But in the end, all he really wanted was to be alone, so he shook his head, offering up what he hoped was a smile that successfully conveyed his gratitude.

Chris returned the smile, though it was a little more strained than he would have liked. "Take some time to process, Jim. If you need me just call, all right?"

Jim inclined his head, and Chris left. Jim sat there for another few minutes, before he decided that the Admiral was right, and he went to go change out of his uniform.

That act done, he sat at his computer and steeled himself to make a few unpleasant calls. The Admiralty would handle informing survivors of the recent development, eventually; but that could take days, and it wouldn't happen until and unless the Klingons handed him over. He owed it to his kids to let them know immediately.

He started with the easiest one. Cory was probably at the library right now, or in his office at UC Berkley. The call connected pretty quickly, and Cory immediately dropped what he was doing when he saw the expression his cousin was wearing.

Jim could barely hear his own voice through the fog that seemed to surround him, and knew that he had to get a better grip or he would seriously worry his friends.

Cory's own expression dropped immediately when he heard the news. "But they… I thought he was dead!"

Jim shrugged, slumping down in his seat. "Starfleet needed closure, the victims needed closure. They gave us that. Doesn't really matter anymore. Point is, they're working on bringing him back to face justice, so there will probably be a trial or something. I don't have too many details right now, but I wanted to let you know."

Cory immediately straightened and attempted a smile. "Thanks, Jim. I didn't mean to be demanding. I've got some work to finish up, but I'll come over as soon as I'm done."

Jim tried to return the smile, and signed off.

His next call was Tom, and went about as well. Tom was furious at Starfleet, but grateful that Jim had contacted him directly, rather than having to wait for an official notice. "If there's a trial, will we have to testify?" he asked, concerned.

Jim grimaced, not quite managing to hide the flash of fear that shone in his eyes. "I don't know," he admitted. "I think they'll probably need to at least prove that it's him, and there are only nine people who have seen his face. We might have to identify him, but I can try to keep you and Kevin out, if you want. I don't really know the other witnesses, but you only saw him a couple of times; with my own testimony, that might be all they need."

Tom knew that he was probably right, but it didn't seem honorable or fair to let the other man take that whole burden on alone. He shook his head. "I won't run away from it, JT," he promised, not even realizing he had slipped into using the old nickname. "If they want me to ID him, I will. I refuse to be afraid of the bastard anymore."

Jim's smile was just a shadow of what it could have been, but to Tom, it was like the brightest sun, and he mentally applauded himself for helping his brother in all but blood, just a little.

"I've got a few more calls to make, but we'll talk again soon, all right?" Jim asked, shifting slightly in his seat.

Tom nodded quickly. "I'm on the next transport back to Earth," he replied immediately. "It'll take me a couple days to get there, but I'll let you know when I arrive."

Jim smiled again, this time a little more genuinely. "I can't wait to see you," he said quietly.

When the call disconnected, Jim did feel a little better. It wasn't easy, sharing this news, but it felt good to have the support of the others, knowing that they were just as upset and worried as he was, but they were rallying. They wouldn't let Kodos have any more of them than he had already taken.

He placed several more calls, to those kids whose contact information he still had – Kieran, Sha'al, and Percy – and sent messages to a couple others that he knew he could reach in that way. None of those he talked to were thrilled with the situation, but they were grateful to get the personal contact, rather than hearing about it in the news. Their conversations held some subtle rebukes for not telling them who he was – it was bad enough that they had to hear that Kodos was still alive, but to also find out that their savior was the famous Captain Kirk? Kieran wasn't quite as surprised as the other two, since he apparently thought he had recognized Jim's face after the news broke on the Narada incident, but the others were completely blindsided. Still, even with that, they were thankful for the personal notification.

Once the calls were done, he sent out messages to Kevin and April. Those two he could actually talk to in person, and he preferred to have this conversation face to face with those he could.

They arrived within ten minutes, both looking concerned and apprehensive. Nothing good came of group messages to those two that asked them to come meet with Jim immediately.

In a halting, hesitant tone, Jim told them what had happened.

April sat down heavily on the couch as soon as the first three words left Jim's mouth. "They found him."

She didn't even need to know anything else to know what he was talking about. But she let him continue as Kevin also sat down, on Jim's other side. She listened in a detached sort of way, as Jim told them that the Klingons had found Kodos, and had gotten in touch with Archer, who had sent for him. He had identified the man from a picture, and they were working out a deal that could get the Klingons to release him to Starfleet so that he could face justice for his crimes.

April didn't even realize that she was pressed so firmly against Jim's side until she felt his arm circle around her shoulders, hugging her gently.

On his other side, Kevin also pressed close. There were tears in his eyes as he whispered quietly, "I thought he was supposed to be dead?"

Jim almost flinched, but he forced himself to remain outwardly calm as he replied, "They found a body, burned beyond recognition. It's not the same thing."

April looked up at him and frowned, realizing what Starfleet had done.

Jim sighed and shook his head. "I get why they told everyone he was dead," he said softly, reaching out with the hand not wrapped around April, to rub Kevin's back soothingly. The younger man leaned into the touch gratefully. "Everyone needed closure, and Starfleet wanted it to be over. I hate it, and I probably would have been even more furious if I didn't already know that they had lied to everyone, but I do understand, from a purely logical viewpoint."

"Wait – you knew that they had lied?" Kevin sat up quickly, looking startled.

Jim shrugged. "I spent a lot of time hacking Starfleet when I was a teenager," he admitted ruefully. April and Kevin couldn't hide their smiles. "I was an angry kid, and I wanted to know everything Starfleet knew about Tarsus. Some of it was that I wanted to make sure they still didn't know my identity, and erase any evidence that might potentially lead them to me, but I also wanted the truth. I found it." He sighed, and Kevin settled back down. "I probably should have told you before now, I just… it seemed like it was over. I wanted to put it all in the back of my mind and forget it. Bringing up the truth, telling people that Starfleet had lied… it just didn't seem worth it."

"Would you have been able to?" April asked curiously. "I remember Starfleet making us all sign some pretty extensive nondisclosure agreements, before they'd let anyone leave."

Jim grimaced and rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "I kind of escaped from the hospital before they managed to force me to sign anything," he admitted. Shaking himself off, he attempted to rein in his turbulent emotions. Part of him was really wishing he had put off having this conversation a while longer, to give himself an opportunity to process and maybe break down a little in private before he had to pretend that he wasn't completely shattering inside. But April and Kevin deserved to know the truth as soon as possible, and it didn't matter how much he wanted to come apart at the seams, he would shove it all aside to be there for them.

They lapsed into silence after that, both April and Kevin leaning into Jim comfortingly, while the Captain continued to offer what support he could.

That was how Carol found them roughly fifteen minutes later. She frowned, concerned, when she saw the trio huddled on the couch, April almost relaxed enough to actually be asleep, though both Kevin and Jim looked up as she entered.

Jim flicked his eyes towards the bedroom, and understanding, Carol headed for the room.

Her boyfriend joined her a minute later, sighing wearily as the door closed behind him. "Thanks," he said softly, taking a seat on the bed.

Carol sat next to him, her concern stepping up a notch. "Jim, what's going on? What's wrong?"

Jim sighed gustily as his shoulders slumped. "It's been an… interesting day."

That didn't help ease Carol's fears, and she listened with growing horror as Jim told her what was going on. "What can I do?" she asked softly, as Jim fell silent.

The Captain managed to muster up a small smile as he reached over and drew her into a light hug. "Just be here," he replied, burrowing his head into her shoulder.

Carol immediately moved her arms, hugging him back tightly. "I can do that," she promised. Pulling back, she frowned minutely. "Does Leonard know?" she asked suddenly. "I ran into him earlier, and he looked worried. He said that April left in the middle of her shift."

Jim shook his head. "I wanted to tell the ones directly affected first. I'll tell everyone else, but I thought the ones who were there… the ones that I still have contact info for anyway… they should know before it winds up splashed across every news outlet from here to the Andromeda Galaxy."

Carol nodded in understanding. "Well you know we're all here for you. And Kevin, and April. Nothing has changed in how any of us see you."

Jim smiled again, slightly wider as he looked down a few inches into his girlfriend's comforting gaze. "I know," he said, leaning down to give her a light kiss. "I'm going to tell them, I just haven't had a chance yet." He sighed. "I won't say it's not hard, or that I'll actually be able to accept help if I need it, but I do understand that you're all here."

Carol clasped his hand tightly. "That's enough for me." She stood up, Jim following her lead. "Why don't I go get some food for us. It's nearly dinnertime, right?"

Jim nodded quickly. "Thanks." They left the bedroom, finding both Kevin and April sitting up on the couch, looking much more awake than they had when Jim had left them.

Carol offered them a smile on her way out, as Jim told them where she was going. April groaned and stood up, shaking herself off. "I'm going to go get changed. I'll be back in a few minutes, all right?"

Kevin settled back down on the couch as the doctor left, Jim joining him once he had grabbed a PADD from his desk, and they settled into silence as they waited for the two women to return.

XXX

Carol had just finished laying out the takeout containers on the living room floor, when Cory arrived. He looked entirely shaken and ready for the day to be over, but managed to muster up a smile when Carol passed him a takeout carton and a fork.

As they all settled onto the floor to eat, they determinedly didn't talk about the situation.

McCoy arrived right as they were finishing, looking for April, and knew immediately that something was wrong. He listened in furious silence as Jim quietly updated him on what had happened. "How the hell was that asshole able to stay free for so long?" he fumed, taking a seat on the couch. "Wasn't he supposed to be dead?"

Jim shrugged and set his carton of food down. "He faked his own death. It's been known to happen before. Starfleet knew, but they decided that closure was more important than the truth." Yeah, that didn't sound bitter at all.

McCoy scowled. "So they just lied to the universe, knowing that he's still out there somewhere. Were they even looking for him?"

Jim shrugged again, determinedly not meeting the doctor's gaze.

After a tense moment of silence, Cory shifted slightly and looked at his cousin. "So what do you want us to do?"

McCoy and Carol were amazed at the way Kevin and April also immediately turned their attention to Jim, looking at him as if he had all the answers to life itself. They had known, in the abstract, that he had led them, that he had kept them safe and alive; but it was still startling to see the implicit trust they placed in him, the way they looked to him to lead them through this next hurdle.

Jim sighed and leaned back against the couch. "For now, nothing. I'll let you know what happens, if the Klingons hand him over and what Starfleet's going to do."

"What do you think will happen?" April asked from her spot next to McCoy, where she had moved when he had arrived.

Jim was quiet for a few moments. "It depends on how it goes getting him back here. Either they'll make a big PR opportunity out of his trial, or they'll do it quietly to avoid people asking why he's alive. If they can get away with no one finding out, I think they'll probably do it."

McCoy and Carol looked varying degrees of disgusted with the idea of Starfleet continuing to try and avoid their screw up getting out, but the others looked all right with it, since it meant their closeness to the situation was less likely to get out.

Jim didn't want it to turn into a media circus; he wasn't thrilled with the way Starfleet had handled things back then, and he knew he'd still have to testify, but if they were able to keep it out of the media, he could do it privately and maybe avoid having to actually see the man who had at one point been someone he had looked up to and admired, before everything had gone to hell.

He was also worried about why Kodos had so much information on him. He hoped Jon was planning on finding out why the man had been stalking him. At the same time, as much as he wanted to know, he was afraid of what might be discovered.

They stayed there, talking about anything except Tarsus and Kodos, for a few more hours, before McCoy declared that it was late and they should all get some sleep. He wasn't naïve enough to think they'd actually get much rest, but he thought he should try and make an effort.

Carol was apparently on the same wavelength, but she also figured the others didn't want to be alone, but maybe didn't know how to say it, so she disappeared into the bedroom and reemerged a minute later with blankets and pillows, which she dumped unceremoniously on the floor.

Jim's grateful look said everything, and they all grabbed a piece of floor.

Kevin was quick to claim a space next to Jim, while Carol took his other side. Since Joanna was at a sleepover, McCoy didn't have any reason to leave, so he lay down next to April; the female doctor maneuvered herself so that she was within arm's length of the Captain; Cory chose a similarly close position, and everyone settled down to sleep.

XXX

Chekov and Sulu were the first to arrive in the morning, far earlier than what most people would consider 'polite calling hours', but neither of them had heard from Jim since the day before yesterday, and though they didn't want to admit it, they were worried. It wasn't like Jim to not check in at least once a day.

They were surprised to see McCoy answer the door, blinking owlishly but somehow managing to also give the pair his usual irritated glare. "It's far too early to be making house calls," he grumbled, but he stepped back to let the two enter.

Now that the doctor wasn't blocking their view, the pilot and navigator could see Jim, along with what looked like April, Kevin, and Cory, asleep on the floor, all tangled in a mess of pillows and blankets. Carol was sitting up, attempting to extract herself from the pile without waking anyone.

Sulu offhandedly wished for a camera in that moment; Kevin was snuggled up against Jim's side, and April was clutching his hand tightly, while Cory seemed to be grasping the hem of Jim's shirt, and unwilling to let go any time soon.

It was almost as if the three needed to reassure themselves that Jim was still there, even in sleep.

Sulu bit his lip and looked back at McCoy. "Pavel was worried that we didn't hear from Jim at all yesterday," he said softly, not wanting to wake anyone up.

Chekov rolled his eyes, glaring lightly at the pilot. "You were just as concerned," he shot back. "Is something wrong?" he glanced at Jim, and then turned back to McCoy, his expression pleading.

Leonard sighed slightly, not wanting to have to share this news, but also wanting to take some of the burden, so that Jim wouldn't have to do it.

Carol managed to get herself free, and joined the group standing just inside the door. "I'll get breakfast ready," she informed them. "You're all welcome to stay, of course."

She disappeared into the kitchen, and McCoy was about to close the door, when he saw Uhura, Spock, and Scotty making their way down the hall. He sighed again, this time more exasperatedly, and waited until the newcomers entered, before he shut the door.

Spock raised an eyebrow at the group still passed out on the floor. "The Captain did not initiate his regular check-in yesterday. Lieutenant Uhura informed me that she likewise did not receive any communication; we thought it best to ensure his wellbeing."

McCoy rolled his eyes, and Scotty let out a soft snort, before sobering. "He ran out after a call from Archer yesterday; I tried comming him later, but he didn't answer. Seems like something serious?"

They were interrupted by those on the floor beginning to stir; Jim was the first to sit up, but the others were quick to follow, and none of them looked comfortable at realizing that they were being watched.

Fortunately, Carol diffused the moment by reappearing in the living room and pressing Chekov, Sulu, and Spock into helping her bring breakfast out for everyone – they wouldn't all fit in the tiny kitchen.

Jim and the others gathered up the blankets and pillows and threw them into the bedroom, before they all settled onto various pieces of furniture and the floor to eat.

After a few minutes of silence filled with everyone helping themselves to pancakes, eggs, and bacon, Chekov once more broached the subject that had brought them all to the Captain's apartment.

Jim was about to reply to the Navigator's query, when his comm. chimed. With a regretful look at his full plate, he excused himself and headed into the bedroom to take the call.

Everyone else looked at each other, before Uhura forcefully set her fork down. "All right, what's wrong."

Kevin flinched, and April grasped McCoy's hand, as she quietly filled them in on the situation.

Chekov went white, his knife clattering to the floor as his eyes widened. Sulu, on his right, quickly rested an arm across his shoulders, rubbing his arm reassuringly.

"But –" Uhura cut herself off, not wanting to dig into the situation any more, afraid that if she asked why the man was still alive, she would only make things worse.

April shook her head sadly. "Starfleet took advantage of an opportunity back then, and it looks like it might come back to bite them in the ass." Spock looked mildly confused, but didn't question the odd turn of phrase, and April sighed, looking down at her plate. Suddenly she wasn't so hungry anymore. "He disappeared back then. Apparently they found a body, and decided to pass it off as him. Jim says Archer will let him know when the Klingons make a decision, and whatever happens from there will determine how things get handled back here."

Jim rejoined them at that moment, and didn't meet any of their worried gazes as he dropped back down to the floor, picking up his plate once more. "Jon says the Klingons have agreed to release him," he informed them, poking a pancake disinterestedly. By the way they were looking at him, he knew they had been told. "The Endeavor will meet them on our side of the Neutral Zone, and bring him back. Should take about three or four days."

"The Klingons will really just hand him over?" Sulu asked curiously. He knew that they had gotten help from the warrior race before, and Jim was even on decent terms with some of them, but he had still gone most of his life thinking of them as enemies.

Jim shrugged and took a small bite of eggs, chewing slowly. "They want recognition," he replied. "They want it known that they're cooperating with us, which Jon is completely on board with."

"Did he say anything about after…?" Kevin asked nervously. He would do whatever was needed to put that bastard away forever, but he really didn't relish the thought of coming face to face with his biggest nightmare.

Jim grimaced and pushed his plate away. He really wasn't hungry anymore. "Jon's working on contacting the survivors. He's trying to get everyone who can identify him here within the week. They're going to try to do this quietly, but they also need to uphold the law, you know, and that means a fair trial."

Spock watched his Captain diligently, keeping his concerns from showing on his face. He was worried. Jim had told him that he had dealt with Tarsus, but Spock doubted that was the complete truth. He believed that the man had simply pushed it aside and refused to let it become an issue; the problem with that was that it appeared to be threatening to overwhelm him now.

But he had worked with and been friends with Jim long enough by this point to know that his Captain wouldn't be amenable to a direct confrontation, so he simply resolved to be there, however his friend needed him.

Jim took a moment to collect himself, managing a small smile when Carol grasped his hand tightly, offering whatever support she could. After a minute of silence, he let out a low breath. "Jon said he'll keep in touch, and I'll probably have to meet with him and the Attorney General at some point, but there's really not much for us to do right now."

It seemed so insurmountable right now; all he wanted was for this to be over. He just wanted to go back to space and live his life.

"What will be expected of us?" April asked, leaning into McCoy's side.

Jim bit his lip and looked at Kevin apologetically. "You might be called. Jon said they'll probably want testimony from all the witnesses; if you want, I can try to see if they can work with just me."

Kevin shook his head immediately. "I'm not running from this, Jim. I'll testify." It would undoubtedly be one of the hardest things he'd ever do, but he wouldn't let Jim take on an additional burden for him, not anymore.

Jim nodded slightly, a strange look in his eyes that was almost pride – parental pride for a child who was standing up for himself, for what was right, and refusing to bow down in the face of adversity. He turned to April. "You probably won't have to do anything," he assured her. "You didn't see his face, you've got nothing to add. No offense."

April smiled minutely, relieved, and then guilty for feeling relieved. Her friends were going through so much pain, and she couldn't really do anything to help relieve them of it. Jim met her gaze knowingly, and a subtle shake of the head told her that he knew exactly what she was thinking, simultaneously telling her to stop going down that road, it would lead to nowhere good and it was completely unhelpful.

"So what are you going to do?" Cory asked quietly, looking up at his cousin. He wished he knew what the older man was thinking, but Jim was a master at hiding his thoughts and pretending everything was fine.

Jim's jaw clenched slightly, the only sign of his inner turmoil. He wondered what he might have to reveal in the next few days. Kodos had been keeping an eye on him ever since Tarsus, and Jim knew that interested parties would want to know why. Going by Starfleet's intelligence, there was no proof that he had been on that planet. But as far as anyone knew about the teenager JT, he had been captured and held by Kodos because he had escaped despite being on the kill list, and he was tortured because he refused to give up the rest of his kids. He wasn't even sure if Chris knew more than that – they had never actually discussed that fateful meeting, after Jim had escaped the hospital back on Earth. He thought there might be some theories on it being JT who had sent Starfleet the information condemning Kodos, but no one could confirm it back then. Jim didn't want to tell anyone more than that. He didn't want there to be anything else. Somehow he doubted he would be able to avoid the questions.

He just knew that everything was going to blow up in his face and the façade he had spent years developing and perfecting would come crashing down.

As the silence stretched on and Jim still didn't answer, McCoy decided to wrap the conversation up. Clearly, the man didn't want to deal with this right now. "What do you want us to do?" he asked softly, hoping that something in his tone or expression would convince Jim that he was there, if the insufferable genius would just accept the help.

Jim really just wanted to pretend that none of this was happening, but he knew that that response probably wouldn't be very helpful, so he just shrugged. "You've all got duties to attend to today. Go do them." He attempted a smile that fell far short. "Seriously, I'm fine."

None of them believed him, but fortunately, they all decided against calling him out on it.

McCoy stood up with a nearly silent groan as his knees cracked. "I've got a shift at the hospital. Dinner tonight?" Jim nodded and the doctor looked at his girlfriend. "Take the day off, April." She looked like she might protest, but then settled back down and nodded ruefully. She wouldn't be very focused, and it would be in everybody's best interest if she took the day to regain control of her turbulent emotions.

Spock and Uhura left next, after leaving Jim with the promise that he only needed to ask, and they would be there. Scotty departed soon after, needing to return to the Enterprise to oversee the upgrades. He promised Jim that he would send the updated reports and keep him apprised of any issues. Jim trusted him. He knew Scotty would take care of their girl.

Carol pressured Chekov and Sulu into helping her clean up breakfast, glaring Jim into submission when he tried to help as well.

Amused, he sat back down on the couch and waited until everything was cleaned and put away. When the last dish was back in the cabinet, he asked Sulu if he was interested in some surfing.

The pilot's eyes immediately lit up and he nodded eagerly. "It's a perfect day for it," he replied happily, glancing at the window which showed the cloudless blue sky. It truly was a great day to spend at the beach.

Jim smiled in return. "Go change and grab your stuff. Meet back here in half an hour?"

Sulu nodded again, and quickly left.

Carol's eyes crinkled with mirth at the excited response, and she was pleased to see that Jim looked happy with the plans as well.

"The beach sounds like a great place to spend a day," April commented idly. "Mind if I join?"

Jim nodded immediately. "Of course, you're welcome to come along."

April left to go put on a bathing suit and grab something to keep herself occupied. After a moment of deliberation, Pavel, Kevin, and Cory decided to join them as well.

Carol apologized, but she had to do some work in one of the labs, and couldn't take the day off. Jim gave her a light hug and a kiss, silencing her explanations. "Go be a brilliant scientist," he said, smiling. "I'll see you later."

Carol returned the smile, and Jim disappeared into his bedroom to change.

XXX

Jim and Sulu spent most of the day in the water, catching waves and relaxing on their surfboards in between sets.

Pavel tried a few times, but still couldn't quite get the hang of surfing, so he gave up by midday, and joined Cory, Kevin, and April on the beach, where they had set up several blankets and seemed utterly content to not move until the sun went down.

They had all brought PADDs along, so that they could at least try to be productive, even if they weren't strictly on the clock.

Sulu probably could have been doing work as well, but Jim wanted to surf, so Sulu would be there by his side, no matter what. He remembered the man telling him once, that surfing was a way to relax, a chance to let all the bad thoughts and memories slip away, if only for a little while. It almost sounded like meditation, the way Jim described it.

It was late afternoon when they were once more taking a break, bobbing along on their boards as they enjoyed the warm sun beating down on them.

"Do you remember when we were teenagers?" Sulu asked suddenly, breaking the easy silence that had settled around them. "There was one time we went surfing together, right here on this beach. I don't know what happened, but you were pretty upset." Jim nodded, confused, and Sulu bit his lip. "I asked you if you could be anything, what would you be?"

Jim's expression cleared slightly as he remembered the conversation. "Yeah. I said I would want to be happy."

Sulu looked down and drew patterns in the water around him. "Are you happy now?"

Jim pondered the question for a moment, thinking. "I am," he replied quietly. "Yeah, the past is always there, and sometimes it feels like its pressing down so hard I can barely breathe, but yeah, I think I am pretty happy. I've got great friends, a wonderful girlfriend, and a job I love." His smile was small but genuine. "Yeah, I'm happy."

Sulu smiled. "I'm glad. And I'm always here to provide a surfing distraction whenever you need it."

Jim chuckled lightly. "Thanks. And thanks for teaching me, all those years ago."

Sulu's grin widened. "Anytime."

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