I'm Back. With more PAIN. (Ok, but it gets sort of comforting/fluffy towards the end, so like, not as painful as the other chapters?) But still. Angst mother is back with another installment because why the hell not, ya know? Tissue warning can be brought down a notch here I guess? Idk it's still sad, but I'll let you guys be the judge of that. Anyways, here y'all go! Enjoy! Comments and feedback are always loved my dears!

She couldn't breathe.

The hands were everywhere. Searing and gripping and purely unrelenting in how they came for her, holding her down in every possible way they could. Firm grips of hands and forearms pressed and strangled at her neck, leaving her gasping desperately for air as fingernails dug into her thighs and ribcage, holding her in place. She tried to fight them, gods did she try. Twisting and writhing in every direction she could think of, but to no avail. The hands only gripped harder, nails only dug deeper.

So Astrid screamed. Screamed as loud as she could for as long as she could until her throat was raw and voice faltering as she cried out into oblivion, yet she continued. She screamed his name, hoping he could hear her cries of desperation and agony in this moment of festering pain because dammit she couldn't do this. Not again. Not anymore.

And then the voices came.

'You'll never see him again.'

'Worthless slut.'

'He'll be better off without you.'

'You'll never be enough for him.'

'He'll leave you as soon as he realizes what you've become.'

'You aren't worthy of anyone's love.'

'He's not coming for you.'

'You're nothing.'

She begged at them to stop with her screams and pleaded with her eyes at the invisible faces before her that were shrouded in a menacing and consuming blackness that she couldn't escape. No matter how hard she tried, it engulfed her with every breath she took, dragging her deeper and further away from her last strands of hope she had desperately clang to.

Death was knocking at her door again, and this time? This time she should just let him in.

But then she heard his voice somewhere out in the distance, calling for her. She didn't know where but it was there. So she screamed again with everything she had left in her; cried his name as the gripping hands drug her further and deeper into the consuming darkness. Further away from him and the safety that surrounded him that she ached for but couldn't have.

Didn't deserve.

Never—

"Astrid!"

She jolted awake, shooting up from her spot next to a dwindling fire. Bleary eyes blinked with purchase, desperately searching the dimly lit area for the source of what woke her up. Her brain slowly registered the weight of hands on her shoulders, and a new form of panic began to wash over her.

"Astrid, no no, hey, look at me."

She made a strangled noise of desperation, air getting caught in her throat as she grabbed for the arms holding her down, trying desperately with what little strength she had left to push away. She needed to get away.

The brooding weight was suddenly gone, and a brief moment of relief came over her. Just as it was gone, she felt calloused hands fall to each side of her face. Astrid flinched at first, but this touch came with a sense of clarity and trust that nudged her gently from the back of her mind. Thumbs gently stroked at her cheekbones as she let out a shaky breath, and a gentle, calming voice made itself known.

"Babe, look at me."

Hiccup.

Her panicked gaze finally fell on him; forest eyes brimmed with unshed tears stared straight into her as if they were looking for something, anything to show him that she knew she was home. That she was safe.

Hiccup let out a relieved breath of air, eyes flickering in tandem s a tear found its way down his cheek. All the while, his thumbs never ceasing their calming stokes along her paled cheeks. Astrid could only look at him, dazed eyes taking in where she was.

Everything that had just occurred seemed to hit her at once.

Her eye's welled up again, throat constricting on itself as she tried to hold back the sob that shook its way up through her thin body. She brought her hand up to cover her mouth as the mournful noise found its way out. She felt Hiccups hands leave her cheeks and travel down to her arms, gently pulling her towards him.

"Cm'ere."

Strong arms came around her as her head fell to his chest, and she cried.

Cried for everything that had happened, for what she went through on that island, for all the pain she endured in those months in hell.

But she also cried for the love that engulfed her in that moment. She cried for Hiccup, and all he had been put through in those past months as well. How much he fought to get her home. How scared he must have been that he might not even get that chance. That he might have been too late.

How he almost was.

Astrid didn't know how long they sat there for in front of the diminishing flames of the fire. Time seemed to all but have stood still as Hiccup held her, as they both cried for what had happened. Cried for what was to come.

Hiccup brought back his arms from around her, gently placing his hands on her shoulders to gently push her back. She sniffed gently, eyes mostly dried up, yet still red and puffy. She couldn't meet his eyes as she slowly came away from his chest, folding her hands in her lap as she took a few slow, deep breaths to calm herself more. She always felt horrible when this happened, not that she could control when her mind decided to plague her with nightmares, yet each time it happened he would always come to her side and stay there to let her cry as long as she needed to, holding her until the pictures and the voice left her mind.

No matter how broken she was, he was always right there to help pick up the pieces.

She felt him shift in front of her, his knees bumping hers as he found a more comfortable position on the cold ground, but she stayed glued to her spot despite the protest of her numbing legs.

Warm fingers caught her off guard as they landed on her cheek one more, and she found herself leaning into the touch, eyes closing and brow knit as she sought comfort in his calming presence. She felt his thumb fall under her chin, gently pushing up so she would meet his gaze. Tired blue met worried green as they sat there, Hiccup never once wavering from his place; never once taking his eyes off of her.

Yet each time this happened, all she could do was apologize, because how could she not? She was the reason he wasn't getting any sleep at night. She was the reason he was constantly worried about her, always coming in to check on her whenever he had a spare moment away from his dad or the forge. She had become this burden on his life that he didn't need right now, and the voices in her head reminded her of that with every given opportunity.

"I'm so-"

"Don't."

His eyes seemed to drink her in, pleading with her in a way she couldn't quite figure out.

"Astrid you have no reason to be sorry. Ever. What happened to you on that island was not your fault, and you—"

"No, it's…I'm just—" She let out a sound of frustration, nails digging into her night skirt as she looked for the right words, because she understood where he was coming from, but he just didn't get it. Her eyes fell down to her hands in her lap before she spoke. "I'm tired of being this burden—"

His grip on her shoulders tightened, and her eyes came up to his once more. He had that desperate look in his eyes again as he always did, and it ate away at her, as it always did.

"Astrid you are not a burden. You will never be a burden. To Berk, your parents, our friends, especially to me." His hands fell from her shoulders to her hands that sat gripping in her lap, thumbs stroking along the sides of her thumbs, warming her and grounding her in the moment. "Do you remember what I told you on the Edge while you were blinded and we were looking for Stormfly?"

Astrid nodded. Of course she remembered that day, and what he had told her. It was one of the memories of them together that kept her going, helped her keep fighting when all she wanted to do was stop and give up. She replayed his sure words in her head daily to keep her grounded, and that they did for as long as they could.

"There will always be a Hiccup and Astrid. Always. Even if you try to get rid of me, by hell Astrid I will still be here because nothing you can do or say will ever drive me away from you. I love you with everything I have and I always will. No matter what." His hands that encompassed hers squeezed with emphasis, hoping to get their point across. How did he do that? How did he always know what to say whenever she was doubting or dragging herself down?

Gods she needed him. She would always need him. She couldn't even imagine trying to go through all of this alone. She wouldn't have lasted.

She wouldn't be here if it weren't for him.

"Through thick and thin, yeah?" He smiled at her when he said that, and her lips twitched up in unison.

"How do you do that?" She asked, thumb coming out from under his hand to rest atop it.

"Do what?"

"Know what to say when it needs to be said, right when I need to hear it."

He smiled gently at her, cocking his head to the side to make sure he had her eyes trained to his. "Because I know you, Astrid. I know how hard headed and harsh you can be on yourself, no matter what the situation is. And you need to understand that you don't always have to be this perfect, put together human that can take any hit and come out of it like new. You aren't built for that, no one is." His eyes were soft when he spoke, and she calmed under that look. He leaned forward to close the small distance between them, pressing his slightly chapped lips to her forehead. She leaned into it as much as she could, relishing the moment. She had taken so many other times like this for granted, but no longer would she ever take any moment like this and let it go to waste. Time was too precious to her now a-days.

"You're allowed to fall apart and break under the pressure because no matter what, in any circumstance, I will be here to pick you back up every single time. That's a promise, and that one's sticking."

Hiccup smiled at her, and she smiled back. She truly didn't deserve him, no one did. He was too kind and his soul was too pure to put up with everything he had to. She wouldn't tell him that though, because of course he would disagree. He always did. But maybe with time to heal and pull herself back into a frame of the person she once was, when she learned to love herself again, she could deserve him, truly deserve him.

With him by her side, she was sure she could make it through.

"I love you." She said it simply, but threw so much behind it. She loved him more than they both truly knew, and maybe that scared her a bit. That that love could so easily be torn apart and tested as it was before. Yet she had a feeling as she stared into him grounding eyes, that despite everything those past months had thrown at her, with him by her side, she would make it through.

His smile was unwavering when he replied, and she found solace in that. "I love you, too."

She was sure of it now. Yes it would take time, but with time came healing. She would be ok. As long as she had him by her side, she would be ok. And she rested easy that night wrapped in his embrace in knowing that.