Wide Awake
Chapter 16
Just Natural
"Damn it, watch my chest! It hurts like a bitch!" I shouted as Hidan jostled my injuries.
"Bitch, it's your fault for having a huge ass chest!" Hidan snapped back.
"If I didn't have five healing bullet wounds I would come over there and stab you!" I yelled.
"Itami, stop being irritable, yeah." Deidara commanded. I growled.
"Excuse me? What did you say to me? I'll stab you too! And I'll torture you by making you an endless puppet with Sasori!" I threatened.
"I wish we hadn't taken her home…." murmured Kisame with Pein, Itachi, Sasori, and Kakuzu nodding in agreement.
"But we did miss her." Kakuzu mentioned.
I suppose you're wondering what's going on, right? Well, after me proving I was fit enough to leave, they sent me home from the hospital. Of course, they also felt the need to give me a shit load of meds and things I have to do. Like I need to take baths to sooth my poor wounds. And I need to lay down a lot.
But, those were the rules I was given. Am I going to follow them?
No.
I'm going to move around once the pain killers set in and first, I'm going to interrogate Violet and Kirai, who were in the corner with Konan watching me swear at the morons. Then I'm going to question Jack and Chris to find out what they're hiding from me.
They were hiding something. I knew it. I was too perceptive for them; they could hide things from our parents but not from me. My dad was usually too plastered to see things and my mom usually was just too blind doing her own thing to notice.
My brothers were good at avoiding things though. They were able to change topics rather easily, even though I managed to try to avoid that. And they were fucking lucky. Every time I cornered them, someone would interrupt us and my interrogations would have to be restarted next time.
It was very tedious, I must say.
Back to life.
"You guys missed me?" I questioned, not being a bitch as I was maneuvered on the couch.
"You're not hard to miss, un." Deidara said with a grin for me.
"Thanks, I suppose." I wasn't sure if it was a compliment or not, but I was taking it as a compliment because I needed a compliment.
"It was a fucking sob story around here without you bitch." Hidan reported, receiving a few glares from my brothers.
"So what happened while I was out? And don't say nothing, I know something happened." I growled. The room was soon engulfed by a pregnant silence. We sat there, me glaring my brothers, Violet, and Kirai down. Violet was the first to break down, but I got nothing. She left the room with Kirai following her. Next Jack and Chris started to awkwardly give each other looks. I knew they were able to understand each other easily.
Stupid twin telepathy.
"Just fucking tell her." complained Hidan.
"Give them a moment to collect themselves." snapped Kakuzu.
"Itami, you may want to brace yourself… if they tell you." Konan murmured. I sat up and glared at my brothers.
"What the hell happened? Tell me, now. Before I get up and make you." I threatened.
"We want to tell you but…" Jack trailed.
"We also don't want to tell you because of how you may react…" Chris added.
"I'll be fine, what the fuck happened that has you two acting like this?" I asked. However, I noticed something. My heart was beating fast.
I'm nervous, I had realized. I moved my hands together and my palms were sweaty. My eyes darted across the room; I looked at each of my morons. Deidara and Konan didn't meet my eye, Kakuzu and Hidan just gave me blank looks. Pein didn't even look up from the book he was reading while Itachi and Kisame were watching from the corner. Kisame wasn't looking as jovial as he usually did. Then, I looked to Sasori, who looked like he was going to say something.
"No, un." Deidara muttered, lowly so I could barely hear, and Sasori closed his mouth. He had listened to Deidara for once.
"What the fuck is going on, I'm fucking serious." I snapped. I was getting much more nervous now. My mind was whirling, I couldn't figure out what happened. Jack opened his mouth and said something too fast for me to understand, his voice cracking. Chris shook his head.
"Someone else do it. Please." Chris pleaded, looking away. I looked at the Akatsuki.
"Someone died." Sasori informed me vaguely. I blinked.
Who could have died? My parents were fine, they had visited. Kitai and Violet had fled to the kitchen moments before… oh no.
"Who?" I croaked.
Of all my friends, the one I expected to die was Eve. Poor Evie was sick, deathly sick. I don't remember what she had; apparently it was going bad though. I remember her mother saying something to me only a few days before the accident.
"Her illness is getting bad," her mother had said, "She's going in and out of the hospital a lot and her health is deteriorating even more."
"Who?" I demanded, more forcefully. When no one said anything Hidan sighed, called them all a bunch of pussy's, and turned to me.
"Your short friend, that weird one who talked fast. The one who was with you when you were shot." Hidan informed me. My eyes widened.
Kayan?
Kayan had died?
"K-Kayan… is dead?" I questioned, looking for someone to tell me it was all a big joke. However when I looked the Akatsuki all had stony faces and Jack and Chris looked ready to cry. Jack moved forward to hug me, as did Chris. I didn't let them touch me though. I pushed them away and sat up.
I was not really in control now. I was more like a robot. When I had heard Kayan was dead, I just froze. I slowly pushed myself off the couch and stood. The pain killers had kicked in, so I felt nothing. But I couldn't feel anything, which was the problem.
I had nothing to take away the emotional pain. Nothing to focus on. The room was dead silent, no one was moving. All focus was on me. And my mind had seemingly gone away.
I moved somewhat quickly as I made my way to the hall. I pulled the stairs to my room down and climbed up before I pulled it back up. I numbly made my way over to my bed where I sat down and decided to lay back.
"Kayan… no… she's dead?" I whispered to myself. I felt my heart again, now it was going slowly. As if it was going to stop and lave me here, dead for my brothers and morons to find.
"I'm Kayan, nice to meet you dude."
Kayan and I meeting.
"I-I'm fine, your hand…"
Me protecting Kayan for the first time. I looked down at my hand where there was a scar from then. I traced it slowly, as if it would bring me back to that day.
"Itami?"
"What are you doing here?"
When I had comforted her over the loss of her neighbor.
"Itami hang in there!"
"It's all my fault!"
When I had been shot the first time.
"ITAMI! Stay awake!"
The last time I heard her.
A sudden sob erupted from me. A noise that never came from me. I made a few more noises, trying to cover up my sobs, but I couldn't. I curled up, unable to think and unable to do much.
"K-Kayan." I murmured. She had been a good friend. And good friends were obviously hard to find, as it has been proved by Sky.
Suddenly however my vision blurred and everything went black. Not for long though, because moments later flashes went through my mind.
A noose.
A knife.
A car accident.
A hospital monitor.
An explosion.
Another knife.
Bloody water.
A sword.
A gun.
And then, finally, I saw tears falling.
And then I was back, as if nothing had happened. I blinked a few times, the tears blurring my vision. I sat up and looked around. Nothing had changed; I still felt nothing but sadness. I stood up, and almost fell. I balanced myself and looked around.
Then my eyes landed on a solution. Something that would end the emotional pain I was feeling. Something that would end my suffering. I shuffled over, my feet dragging along. My legs gave out halfway across my room, and I sat there, collapsed on the floor and crying. But I managed to pull myself together. I began to crawl across the floor, unable to stand. I used the dresser as a support to help me stand, and then I grabbed the thing on my dresser.
A switch blade.
I was on autopilot again. It seemed so… natural as I pulled both my sleeves back to show the ugly scars that already danced across my skin. I leaned against my dresser and looked at the blade I held. The blade was shiny and reflected my face so I could see it.
My eyes were brimmed with tears and red, as if I had drunk too much like my dad. My skin was pale once again, unnaturally pale. I resembled a ghost with my eyes looking lost and hopeless; my mouth was set in a firm line. I shook my head and launched the knife across the room once I began to examine the scars on my face. The knife was then embedded in my wall, all the way across the room. I slowly stood again and made my way into the bathroom where I collapsed on the toilet. I had closed the door and was planning on turning the water on, so that I could cry without anyone hearing. Instead my eyes found another blade that sat on a rack I kept in there for emergencies.
This is an emergency, I decided unconsciously as I reached for the blade. This blade was a bit different, it wasn't shiny or sleek. It was stained an angry crimson color that seemed to mock me.
"No…" I put the blade down next to me on the sink and pulled my knees to my chest. My wounds were obviously being irritated, but I didn't feel anything. I buried my face in my knees, trying to block out everything, even my own thoughts.
However, nothing worked. And before I knew it, before I consciously knew what was happening, the knife was back in my hand and poised above my arm.
Because it was a natural thing for me to do when I was like this.
It was just natural.
AN
Very depressing. I should put a depressing warning somewhere. Also, i believe this counts somewhat as a cliff hanger...
So, I'm injured from softball. And I went to a con. My first con. I almost tackled a girl in an Akatsuki cloak, I high-fived a guy in a Minato costume, and there were two people in Naruto jumpsuits. I was in HEAVEN. And, I got a picture of Obito drawn. Not small kid Obito, but older Obito. I was amazed.
A-Go and read DaniZaraki's kitty trilogy, I demand you do. It is amazing. I have the second two in my favorites because I'm too lazy to go and favorite the first even though it was amazing.
Q-I don't know… predict Itami's future.