Wide Awake

Chapter 18

Life Loves Screwing With Me

"Itami, come downstairs!" called Jack from downstairs. I looked up slowly at my trapdoor, and seconds later there was banging coming from it. I didn't really want to move. I didn't want to face life at the moment. Besides, I had more problems.

I looked at my wrists, I had unwrapped them to take a look and I already felt my heart dropping. I was ashamed of it; it was probably one of my biggest weaknesses too.

I didn't like admitting my weakness. I hated admitting it, it made me feel worse. But I knew that I couldn't just leave myself like this. I wasn't an idiot, I knew it was wrong. But, when I was like this, my mind just couldn't get pulled together.

"When did I become such a mess?" I asked myself quietly as I looked up at my ceiling. I took a deep sigh. I suppose if I do a little self counseling, I've always been a mess. When I was a kid I was weird, I never fit in. Sure I liked the ballet and gymnastics, but now that all seems foreign. Like it's from another life.

It really felt like I was reborn, like I was a new person now. Ever since I first found myself in the Naruto-verse, my life had turned around. I had learned a lot, I've gotten stronger; I've actually made more than like five friends. And… I felt like I belonged with them. I never truly felt like I belonged with most people, I belonged with my brothers I suppose. They were my only true family, and my friends are my family too. So, I suppose my family consisted of Jack, Chris, Violet, Kirai, Deidara, Sasori, Kakuzu, Hidan, Pein, Konan, Tobi, Zetsu, Itachi and Kisame. Kayan had been a part of my family… and she still is, wherever she is now.

Thinking of Kayan, what I had seen. What Kayan was, that creature? It was half of my Kayan, my friend who was always fun-loving and happy. The other half, that was a monster. That wasn't Kayan, or was it? I'm not sure of things anymore; I've learned that I don't know everything. That there are forces out there that can change anything. Those Gods and Goddesses, all the things that I've seen and done. They break the laws that were placed down for us humans. I shouldn't be here; I shouldn't have been to the Narutoverse. I should be dead. I would no doubt be dead if I hadn't met the Akatsuki.

"I don't even know anything anymore." I moaned, rolling over and grabbing my iPod. I pulled an earphone in and just listened to music for a minute. Trading Yesterday came through my earphones and I felt myself relax and calm as I listened to a few songs.

"Itami! Get your ass down here!" Broke through my music and I rolled over, glaring at the wall. But I stood anyway and slowly descended down the stairs where I found my brothers and the Akatsuki standing.

"What?" I questioned dully.

"It's bad timing, but do you remember what tomorrow is?" Jack inquired. I took a moment to think.

"Friday?" I raised an eyebrow curiously.

"You honestly forgot?!" Chris asked, slightly stunned.

"What did I forget?" I questioned, somewhat curious. Jack did a wonderful face palm and shook his head.

"Itami, tomorrow, seventeen years ago you were born." Jack informed me. And I blinked, slowly counting the days of the month. I ignored the shock from the Akatsuki members.

"Son of a bitch, you're right." I realized after a moment.

"Tomorrow's your birthday, un!?" Deidara asked, and the familiar spark lit inside me, momentarily breaking me of my depression.

"No, we're lying." I snapped, and my sarcasm seemed to relieve many of the people in the room.

"I can't believe you forgot again." Chris commented, thinking back to the previous few years when I had forgotten my birthday. It had always been a minor occasion for me, I got a few things from those who cared about me, and I was a year older. Last year it allowed me to learn to drive too. But I really didn't like my birthday truthfully, I always think about what would happen if I hadn't been born. And I usually like that story better than my own.

"Birthdays are stupid, I'm a year older. Great. Another year gone by that I didn't die." I growled, looking down at the floor. The wooden panels suddenly seemed very interesting as I said the word "Die".

"Birthdays are special Itami; it's the day you were born! The day you came into our lives!" Jack insisted, and I frowned.

"Yeah, well I hate my birthday." I snarled. Chris scowled at me.

"You can't hate your birthday, we know you're never excited for it but you can't hate it." Chris argued. I snorted.

"Whatever, I hate it anyway. I'm going back to my room if this is the shit I get." I growled, turning and heading for my stairs. I stomped up the stairs and pulled it up. I turned around, and almost screamed.

"The fuck? When did you get up here?" I snapped, and Itachi didn't even blink. Rather, he walked into my bathroom . My heart started to pound as I realized that there was probably still somewhat of a mess in there from… it.

"Oi, what the hell are you doing?" I called, hiding my nervousness. Luckily, my voice didn't falter at all and I knew my face was set in its usual permanent straight face.

"Itami." I almost faltered but instead I stiffly entered the bathroom. The sink had a few bloody smudges on it, and some water still remained from the bloody knife lying on top of the drain, preventing the water from going down. Wordlessly, Itachi picked the knife up and the water drained out completely now.

"Don't torture yourself like this." Itachi said calmly, rinsing the blade in his hand and slipping it in his sweatshirt pocket. He had Chris's Metallica sweatshirt on.

"I didn't do anything." I denied. But I was obviously lying, and it was unbelievable to anyone who heard.

"Believe what you want," Itachi replied as he walked up to me and I looked up at him, he looked down at me with his Sharingan blazing, "But you can't hide your feelings forever. Not in this way, Zetsu could smell the blood and I could see the chakra laced into it."

Itachi walked past me, leaving me stunned. I heard him exit my room and close my stairs behind him. I felt my knees grow weak and I gripped the sink for support. I bowed my head against the mirror and stood there.

"The hell does he know?" I muttered, "Feelings…. I can bury them as long as I want. They're not needed. They can disappear." I felt a low chuckle escape my throat and I looked up at myself in the mirror.

I was a sight all right.

My eyes were slightly rimmed with red and there were slight bags on my eyes. My face was ghostly pale and a few scars covered my face. The most noticeable one was the one that traced down the side of my face which I wore my hair to cover. My dark raven locks made my face a bit shadowed as it cascaded down over my face. The red tips at the end reminded me of blood.

"Fuck it." I murmured, opening the cabinet that was above the toilet next to the mirror. I pulled out a pair of scissors and took my bangs, cutting the red tips off. I cut the tips off my hair in the back too, but it didn't matter. They would grow back soon enough; it usually took only a day or so before my tips would be the same mocking red.

I swept up the hair on the floor and dumped it in the garbage pail, I looked at my reflection in the mirror and my eyes trailed down my bangs, now almost two inches shorter.

Then I found myself laughing slightly under my breath. It wasn't a humorous laugh, it was an eerie one. It was throaty, and mocking. But I couldn't stop laughing. I exited the bathroom into my dark room. I blinked; I had been in the bathroom for longer than I thought. It was night now. I looked at the clock and saw it was around 8. I had been in there for over an hour.

"Hm?" suddenly, the world started to fade and I found myself standing in a black void. I felt my heart start to slow as I looked around. This void wasn't my mind, I could tell. My mind had a familiar feel to it, and Akuma and Tenshi would come out and start arguing. No, this was something else.

"Itami Duncan." I turned to find a door behind me; the voice resonated from this door. I placed my hand on the door knob, and slowly turned it and pushed it open.

A dim light poured out and I entered the dark stone room. Sitting in the shadows was, something. It could have been a man, or maybe a creature. But from what I could see, it was a large silhouette of a man. His glowing crimson eyes glared at me. Further inspection showed glowing purple eyes in a shadow off to the side, but these weren't as terrifying as the red ones. These looked more amused than angry.

"Shinigami, leave." the deep voice boomed, and the purple eyes widened, and I could tell whatever or whoever was in the shadows was smirking.

"And if I don't want to, Sosu?" the voice mocked, high yet not too high. This voice also sounded younger. This looked like it really pissed the large crimson eyed one off.

"Sugata o kesu!" growled the voice, and the purple eyes narrowed at the dark figure before looking to me.

"Sorry, Tami-chan, you're on your own now." And the purple eyes closed, slight smoke coming from that area before black fire erupted around the figure and burned away the silhouette. The fire disappeared seconds later, leaving me with the dark figure with the crimson eyes.

This disturbed me slightly. Whoever, or whatever that had been, called me Tami-chan. Who the hell would call me that other than my brothers?

"You're the disturbance I've been dealing with." the figure muttered, its crimson eyes narrowing on me.

"The hell have I disturbed?" I inquired. It gave a low throaty laugh, a cruel one.

"What have you disturbed?" it echoed, before standing. It grabbed a large staff and slowly descended the steps from the throne to me. It came into the light, and I knew that whatever he was, he wasn't human.

His skin was a blue-purple color, two dark purple horns sprouted from his forehead and three spikes came out of his neck. A black cape hung over his form and his scarlet gaze never strayed from me as he approached. I stood my ground until he was above four yards away from me where he slammed his staff down. I looked up at him, meeting his gaze.

"You've disturbed the world balances. You created a rift." he snarled, and he cracked some of the stone smashing his staff down in front of me.

"How the hell did I do that?" I questioned. It growled at me, and a sudden portal looking thing opened to the side of us. I looked into and saw short clips of my life before meeting the Akatsuki.

My brothers, Kayan, my friends, my family. Moments with them flew by; each clip shown was something bad though. Me causing trouble, hurting someone, someone getting hurt because of me. This slide show lasted, showing me how my existence hurt someone. Many times.

"Your existence is what is causing rifts; you were made to be placed in a world. But you were placed in the wrong world." he said, and I stared in shock at the screen as a familiar face showed up on the portal next to my own angry portrait.

The girl who had been with Sasuke and them, Alice I think her name was, was next to my picture. We resembled each other, our faces had similar shapes and so did our eyes. Both our eyes were slightly narrow and our faces thin. Her skin was pale, but mine beat hers drastically. In the picture her hair was no longer dyed three various colors but was a deep chocolate color, almost black like mine. Her eyes were blue, not icy like my one eye but they were blue.

"You upset the balance, you were meant to be sent into another world. There shouldn't have been two of you in one world." he explained, not sounding like he cared about how this affected me.

"Couldn't you have juts killed me, or taken my soul back or some shit?" I questioned, my eyes not leaving the portal.

"There were attempts, but your soul is particularly strong. It refused to bow, it fought back. While you lived and grew, various things were sent to weaken your spirit and will to live, but you still lived through it all!" He yelled, and various things went through the screen again. The bullies I faced, my father, various moments where I had almost been hurt but I had miraculously avoided.

"You hold an ultimate free will and power other humans do not possess, you have no destiny. No fate to guide you. You act on your own free will, on your instincts." he snarled, looking down at me.

"You opened that rift between spaces, between the world you were placed in and the world that you refer to as the 'Naruto-verse'. Because of your free will, you opened that rift that your soul fell through, and now those who don't belong in that world have fallen through it whole." he explained angrily. I blinked, and went to reply but he started talking again before I could say anything.

"I'm going to offer you a deal," he said looking back to the portal which was growing to be about the size of him, "You're about to see what the lives of others would be without you, if you think that its better than I'll take your soul painlessly."

"What if I don't like it?" I questioned. He scowled.

"Then you get sent back to where you were before you were brought here." he replied, looking very unhappy about this, "While you are alive, your life is governed by other beings other than me. Unless you make a contract with me, I can only influence outside scenarios to attempt to kill you."

"Alright, then show me." I agreed. And then a force pushed me into the portal.

"FUCK!" I shouted as I was thrown forwards into the black abyss before me.

Life loves to screw with me.

AN
So…. the one year anniversary for Insomnia was four days ago. My grandma died four days ago, at like 7 in the morning. I had to go to wakes and the funeral. Now, don't think I don't care about my grandma dying, I care, and I was sad and let loose like, a sad face and like a minute of tearing up (And at the funeral so I didn't look like an emotionless bitch). But I'm pissed I missed Insomnia's birthday, I was going to do a special update but I didn't get the time to write the chapter. So, this chapter and the next chapter and the chapter after that combined will be Itami's 'birthday special' where it's her birthday, and then all this shit is going on.

Oh, and we get to see Sosu, Shikigami and Megami again! Well, Sosu is really all but the other two will make their fun appearances again. And holy fuck, look at poor Itami, learning that she's been fucked with because she was a mistake. Anyway, here's some of the main plotline sneaking up to bite me in the ass. I usually get PMs and reviews wondering what the fuck I'm doing when I involve the major plotline (Aka, "Why did you kill Kayan?!" and "Why did she have to cut herself!?")

In other news, Summer has finally began for me! The start of it involved someone dying (My summers never start good. my mom was in the hospital the entire summer and month before summer last year, and the year before that my cousin died the 24th in a car accident, all my relatives die on vacations from school it seems.)

Also, I ended school like a fucking genius, I scored a 95 on a regents, an 89 on another, got a plaque from the school for being a musical genius (And almost fell off the damn stage getting the plaque) and I got a fucking 99 on my history final. One question wrong, and I'm dying to know which I got wrong. Also, I made this huge-ass chalk pastel snarling wolf in my advanced art class. An entire pile of artwork went missing from my art teachers room the last week of school. In that pile was my huge-ass wolf picture, that if it was thrown out the custodians are even fucking stupider than I thought. Its an advanced art class, with a realistic pastel wolf. It was huge. And I don't know how NO-ONE knew where it was. There are teachers, motion sensors, cameras and janitors all over the place! And you need to walk around with an ID. But, I graduated the shittiest middle school ever, and now get to go into an amazing high school.

Enough of my shitty rambling, half of you don't read it.

Q-What plans do you have for summer? (As a preview for the question, I already know I'll be on a week-long hiatus starting July 5th, I'm leaving for Pennsylvania with my friend coming along. Honestly, I went through five friends before I found one who could come. I'm going to try to update next week before I leave, possibly twice if I can because I was MIA for a while)

A-I cannot answer that question, or else the plotline will make more sense now and not how it will later.

Ja, or Sayonara. Whichever you prefer.