a/n: first of all, this was planned long before that anon on tumblr called me out.

"The Sneeze"

He loved how short she was. He made fun of her for it constantly but fuck, he loved it. She was easy to hold, easy to lift, easy to snuggle into in the Falcon's tiny bunks – and she had a knack for looking like the most savagely seductive woman he'd ever had the incredible fortune to come across, when she knelt up on the edge of that very bunk with her heady, charming eyes and took his hips in her elegant hands and his cock in her mouth.

It was an easy position, standing there, leaning forward until he was draped against the top of the bunk, hands gripping the metal railing at the top tightly, his forehead and nosed pressed against metal while he tried to keep his knees from buckling. Kest, she was fucking good. She was good enough to make him cry, sometimes, almost – such a slow burn technique, teasing, coquettish, always like she was pretending she was a princess who had no idea what she was doing –

Although, tonight, she was being a little – her teasing was a little –

"Leia," he mumbled hazily, his teeth grit. He shifted his nose against the metal, his breathing labored. "Somethin' wrong?"

She mumbled something, and he tried not to laugh.

"You shouldn't talk with your mouth full," he joked huskily.

She eased back.

"No," she answered softly.

"You keep stoppin'," he muttered.

She ran her hand over his thigh, her lips moving over him again, ignoring his comment. He felt her shrug a little, returning to her ministrations, and after a moment, she pulled back again.

"Well, I can stop, if you'd like," she threatened.

"Not complainin'," Han said quickly. "S'just if you're not into it tonight, don't – "

"Oh, get over yourself," she purred flippantly, leaning forward to kiss his hip. "I love it."

She ran a finger along the underside of him, and then went back to her task. Han closed his eyes tightly, rolling his forehead hard against the bunk, and tightened the muscles in his thighs.

"Fuck," he mumbled huskily.

She paused again, and turned her head to the side. He lifted his head, peering down. Her nose twitched.

"Leia," he said again.

"I keep thinking I have to sneeze," she hissed, blushing.

Restless, Han reached down to touch himself, and Leia knocked his hand away, offended.

"Give me a minute," she requested.

He whined.

"Baby," she accused. "Quit whining."

He grinned at her wolfishly.

"Don't tell me you're allergic to me," he drawled.

She shook her head, catching his eye this time as she turned back to him. He slid a hand up to her neck and into her hair, leaning forward gently into her, his eyes sliding closed hazily. He murmured her name, lashes fluttering, and forcing himself to watch her.

He tightened his hand in her hair, nodding his head.

"Mmm," he moaned under his breath. "Leia. Leia."

She jerked her head back suddenly, too quickly for him to realize she needed him to let go of her hair, so really it was partially his fault that she was – not clear of the danger area when she was overcome by the sneeze she'd been fighting for the past ten minutes.

She didn't get him as bad as she could have, but it was a far cry from the ending he was aiming for. Teeth – teeth, in any capacity other than a light, teasing graze – were never a pleasant addition to a blowjob.

Han was fairly sure he'd never made such a high-pitched, girlish noise in his life. He stumbled back, hunched at the waist, black spots bursting in his eyes, and feeling the rolling nausea that always came with a sharp injury to the groin spreading through his veins. He stopped short of actually vomiting, but when he regained his senses, he was sitting on the floor, and Leia was peering down at him, a mortified look on her face.

"Oh, my god," she was hissing, panic written on her face. "Oh my – Han?"

He let out a stream of expletives, and then panted –

"How'd I get on the floor?"

"You fell," Leia said faintly. "I think you blacked out."

Han tilted his head up, his eyes squeezed shut. He swallowed hard, the biting – appropriate way to describe it – pain still radiating through him. He shook his head roughly.

"What's the damage?" he asked. "'M afraid to look."

"It's not hurt," Leia assured him.

"It's fuckin' hurt, Sweetheart - !" he howled, indignant.

"Umm, uh," she stammered, her hands moving over his chest soothingly. "It's still the same size?"

That made him laugh – oh, good, so she hadn't bitten any of it off. The laugh was hoarse, and a little wheezy, though, and he turned to the side, hunching over. He groaned dramatically. He panted, trying to catch his breath, and then shook his head.

"That's a first, Your Worship," he said. "That's a first."

"I'm honored," she said in a small voice, her face flushed pink.

She crawled over him – so short and tiny, light as a feather, and pawing at him with concern, her lips pursed in contrite horror.

"I told you I thought I had to sneeze – "

"You always slam your teeth together like a rancor's cage door when you sneeze?" he drawled dramatically.

"I'm so sorry, Han," she pleaded, and when he tilted is head up, there were tears in the corners of her eyes.

He blinked, shaking his head.

"S'okay, Sweetheart," he mumbled. "Damn, don't cry," he soothed. He arched a brow. "What're you cryin' about? I didn't take a bite out of your – "

Leia slid her hand over his mouth, and then her lips, in a gentle, soothing kiss.

"I'll kiss it better," she promised, tilting her head.

He caught her in his arm and pulled her closer, arching an eyebrow warily.

"Don't take it too hard, Leia," he said dryly, "but you just keep your lips," he pointed to his, "up here for the rest of the night, eh?"

She nodded, her expression contrite, and beautiful. She leaned forward to give him another kiss, paused, turned her head to the side, and sneezed again, startling them both.

She gave him a helpless look, and he tilted his head back with a laugh of disbelief – if anything, this was an incident that would keep him keen on periodically dusting the Falcon.

space cosmo sex tip: SNEEZE-BITE YOUR MAN'S DICK SO HE KNOWS WHO IS IN CHARGE

-alexandra