Wide Awake
Chapter 22
A Day of Goodbyes
I doubt anyone could ever come close to understanding how I felt.
"You're being overdramatic." drawled Akuma, looking at her nails with a bored expression.
"No, she's not. Her brothers are dead, and in only a few days she has to kill someone, or else she herself will die." Tenshi disagreed. Akuma snorted.
"Death isn't that bad, unless Shinigami-sama gets her. Then it might not be fun." Akuma retorted.
"Shinigami-sama?" I interrupted. Tenshi and Akuma shared a look.
"Megami-sama's counterpart of sorts. He's the god of death, while Megami-sama is the goddess of life. Shinigami-sama brings pain and sadness, Megami-sama brings joy and love." Tenshi explained after a moment of thinking.
"I see, so I won't be going to him if I die? I'll be going to the god that doesn't like me, correct?" I questioned. Akuma nodded.
"Yeah, you'd be sent to that asshole." Akuma drawled.
"And what of you two?" I added. Akuma and Tenshi shared another look, although this one didn't look like they were pleased.
"You'd be counted as a failed assignment for us, as we were created to be your guide as sorts to stop you from fucking things up." Akuma muttered.
"And so," Tenshi continued as Akuma glared into the dark abyss of my mind, "Because you would be tortured forever, we would not be needed any longer."
"We would disappear." they finished together.
I blinked and slowly nodded, looking down at my knees. And without a word, I pulled myself from my mind.
Opening my eyes back in reality, I found myself in my room, sitting on my bed. At the other end of my bed, Deidara was asleep. He had fallen asleep while watching over me. It seemed as though the Akatsuki felt that my mind was fragile now and that I shouldn't be left alone.
I stood up slowly and quietly so that Deidara wouldn't be disturbed. Then I crept over to my bathroom and locked the door behind me. I sat on the toilet and stared at the ground.
A day had passed since my brothers had died. I had spent that entire day crying. And what was stopping me from doing anything rash was the fact that Deidara was with me through the entire thing.
My eyes trailed over to my counter where one of my switchblades sat. A smile faintly reached my lips as I recognized the switchblade. It was Mr. Switch. Damn, that brought back memories.
I took Mr. Switch into my hands and looked the switchblade over. I had recently gotten Mr. Switch back from the school, but I had been preoccupied by all the shit I was in so I had just thrown the blade wherever.
I put Mr. Switch back down on the edge of the sink and slowly stood. I looked into the mirror and slowly a scowl overcame my face. I made a fist as I looked over myself. I looked like shit.
My face was pale, my eyes rimmed with red from crying and bags were apparent under my eyes. The scars on my face contrasted against my pale face greatly, and in general, I just looked creepy.
I looked down at myself next. The scars on my arms were terrible and I cringed slightly from looking at them. Then I slowly pulled the back of my tank top up so that I could look in the mirror at my back. Tattooed across my back was my scar that still read 'bitch'.
I sighed, feeling the familiar feel of depression wash over me. And then, slowly my eyes drifted over to the blade that sat on my sink. The temptation was great.
Third Person POV
The silence in the living room was tense between the Akatsuki members. None looked happy in the slightest, even Hidan and Tobi were silent.
"Itami's mental stability," Pein began calmly, automatically getting all attention, "Is deteriorating immensely."
"She isn't trained like us. She has someone after her life, and in less than a week we will be leaving. On top of that, her only family that she cared for died unexpectedly." Konan added as a silent explanation. Her eyes were closed, she didn't want any of the members to see the sadness in her eyes.
"Itami may kill herself." Itachi spoke up. All the members looked to him, slightly shocked.
"Your proof?" Kakuzu questioned.
"She cut her wrists when her friend died, now she has lost both her brothers and will lose us soon. Her reaction is going to be much greater." Itachi explained quietly. There was a tense silence after he finished.
"What should we do about her?" Kisame broke the silence after a few moments.
"We will be leaving in less than a week, after that, Itami won't be our problem." Pein said, although his face betrayed him. Despite trying to sound cold and unfeeling, his expression showed that he didn't like his decision.
"We're not leaving the bitch to fucking kill herself." Hidan snapped, glaring at his pierced leader.
"There is nothing we can do for her, her wounds aren't physical." Pein argued calmly.
"I disagree also, I wish to help Itami." Konan argued. Pein looked over to Konan and they locked eyes, sharing a silent conversation.
"We can't help her." Pein sighed, "We won't be here for long, and if she grows more dependent on us, when we leave she'll break completely."
"But she'll kill herself at this rate." Kakuzu pointed out.
"We're here for now to stop this." Pein stated.
"Speaking of stopping Itami… there's a large smell of blood coming from upstairs." Zetsu informed everyone from his position in the doorway that lead to the kitchen. Almost immediately Konan was heading for the stairs, Hidan was behind her. The rest of the Akatsuki followed almost as quickly.
Upstairs their arrival woke Deidara, who looked around in confusion. Meanwhile, Konan hurried over to the bathroom door.
"Itami?" she called inside. There was no answer.
"Itami?!" she called louder, her voice urgent. From Itami's dresser Konan grabbed a few bobby pins and quickly picked the lock on the door before opening it. Then she dropped the materials upon looking inside.
"Itami!" Konan rushed inside, and Hidan looked inside and began swearing. Deidara pushed Hidan out of the way and rushed in behind Konan.
Inside, Itami sat on the ground. Her switchblade was on the floor, and thankfully blood free. However shards of glass were everywhere. Itami had glass imbedded in her skin, and her right fist was damaged a lot. Where her mirror once hung there was now a few pieces that hadn't fallen when Itami had punched the mirror.
Itami's hair hung over her face and she stayed silent as Konan shook her, trying to get her attention. Deidara was on her other side, and both looked very worried.
"I stopped the temptation." Itami murmured quietly, gesturing to the switchblade that was on the floor a few feet away, "But I couldn't take the sight I saw in the mirror. I punched it."
"Let me heal your hands." Konan said softly as she picked the glass from Itami's hand before healing it. The healing left more scars for Itami's collection. Itami stared at her hands.
"Ugly." she muttered, "The scars."
"They're fine Itami." Konan replied firmly.
"You're not ugly, Itami, yeah." Deidara added, sensing the problem. Itami's head whipped around and she glared at him.
"Liars." she growled, standing up and stepping around the shards of glass. She exited the room and stomped towards the trapdoor, ignoring Hidan who tried to stop her. But she did pause next to Itachi.
"You weren't wrong." she admitted to him. Itachi nodded. He was right, she couldn't hide her feelings the way she had.
She stomped down the stairs after telling everyone she needed some air and grabbing a sweatshirt that she pulled on. As she exited the door though, she tripped over a box. She had some déjà vu, thinking of when she had found the Akatsuki as cats. Bending over, she opened the box and her eyes widened.
"How did this get here?" she murmured to herself as she picked a black handgun from the box.
'I ordered one… but it shouldn't have ended up here…' Itami then picked p a note that was inside the box from it.
"This is the decider of fate." Itami read aloud. And she looked at the gun. Itami slipped it back into the box and closed it before setting it under the porch steps. Then she walked down the street, intent on getting as far away as she could.
Itami knew that the gun was the one she ordered. And she also realized that one of the gods had manipulated the mind of the sender and had the package delivered to her house, so as to remind her.
Itami reached the park after a few minutes. She sat on one of the old swings and looked up at the sky. She didn't particularly care she was still in her pajamas besides her sweatshirt.
Itami sat there for awhile just staring at the sky. She barely noticed when someone sat on the swing next to her until she could feel someone looking at her. Itami looked to her side and found Sky sitting on the swing. The girl's hair was pulled into a messy ponytails, and her eyes red rimmed from crying. Instead of the clothes that Sky had been in recently, she was now in a tee-shirt with paint streaks on it and a pair of jeans.
"Want to join the pity party?" Sky asked, "You look bummed too." Itami let out a small chuckle.
"What's wrong with you now?" Itami questioned, not particularly caring that she was sitting next to Sky after beating the crap out of her when Sky became a bitch.
"Josh broke up with me." Sky whispered, looking down, "He said I changed. He said that I wasn't me. Did I really change that much, Itami?" Itami nodded.
"You became a bitch. You lost all your good qualities." Itami replied quietly. Sky nodded.
"I can tell you're sad, you look as if you've been crying too. What happened to my badass best friend?" Sky inquired. Itami took a deep breath.
"Kayan killed herself. And my… my… my brothers… they, they died. In a car accident. A day ago." Itami whispered quietly. She could feel tears welling in her eyes, but she held them back. Sky was silent for awhile.
"There's more, I can tell. But, somehow, I think that I won't be able to believe it." Sky murmured. Itami nodded.
"I'm in a whole mess of shit. Ask Violet or Kirai, they know most of the story. But, I'll tell you now. I might not be alive in a few days; I've managed to piss off the wrong people." Itami admitted. Sky laughed slightly. Her strange, weird laugh.
"I always figured you'd piss off the wrong people, but, you're strong. You'll get out of this mess; you've gotten out of a shit load of trouble before." Sky retorted. Itami nodded and stood.
"This time, it's either my life, or someone else's life. There's no middle ground on this one. I'm in deeper shit than I've ever been in, and I get into a lot of shit. Do me a favor, and go back to the old Sky. Josh will take you back if you do, he loves the old you. Not the new bitch. I'm heading out now… I think, I think I'm going to visit Evie. I feel like I've neglected her for awhile. And, who knows. This might just be my last goodbye." Itami muttered as she left. Sky watched her go.
Itami reached the hospital next and headed to a room on the opposite side of the hospital she was usually in. She entered the familiar room of her friend.
Evelyn was sitting in her bed watching the TV as usual when she noticed Itami. Itami silently took a seat next to the sickly girl, and they sat in silence for a few moments. Evelyn's pale eyes landed on Itami, and she took note of the depressing air around Itami. And she knew why, she had been told that Itami's brothers had died and she knew that Itami would have taken Kayan's suicide hard.
"How long?" Itami questioned quietly. Evelyn sighed and coughed slightly.
"They said that it's getting worse. That I'm probably not going to make much longer. They said, that one night, I'm just going to go." Evelyn replied quietly. Itami nodded.
"Are you afraid? Afraid to die?" Itami wondered. Evelyn shrugged.
"I am, and I'm not. I'm afraid to leave everyone I love, but, I'm happy because I'll leave this pain. And, years from now, when everyone else is dead, we'll be reunited. If that's how death works, I don't know how death works." Evelyn murmured. Itami nodded again.
"I'm in deep shit, Evie. I've pissed off the wrong people. In a few days, either I'm going to die, or I'm going to kill someone. I don't know which is going to happen, and I'm wondering if it's really worth fighting." Itami admitted. Evelyn smiled at Itami.
"You're a strong person, Itami. Even now, when I can see you're ready to give up, you're still going strong. I've always admired you; you're strong, not afraid of anything, and pretty. I've always wanted to be like you." Evelyn informed Itami. Itami gave a dry chuckle and she stood.
"I came to give you a last goodbye, not because you're dying. You'll be fine, I know it. You're a better person than me. And you're strong, you're not afraid to die and you're taking everything like I used to. But now, I don't think I can take anything else." muttered Itami as she exited the room. As Itami left the hospital, Evelyn smiled.
"You'll be fine, Itami. You're strong, and I believe in you." she whispered to herself.
Itami walked down the streets, a depressing mood about her. She moved to take a short cut through an alley, but bumped into someone. She looked up and locked eyes with someone. His eyes widened. They stared at each other for awhile. Grimly couldn't believe his eyes.
He remembered Itami as someone who wouldn't go down, someone who even against a gun would live. But now, seeing the girl that he had hated for quite a while, he didn't feel that hatred anymore. The girl before him didn't look like the Itami he remembered. She was different. Broken was a word he would describe her as.
"Got a gun this time?" Itami asked with a dry chuckle. Grimly shook his head slowly, watching the girl before him. Studying her, trying to figure out what happened. Itami noticed this.
"You don't have to worry about me for very long. I've gotten myself into some deep shit; I'm probably going to die soon. Besides, I don't have much to live for, anymore. My brothers died, Kayan killed herself, and a few people that I care for are leaving soon." Itami informed him. Grimly didn't know what to say. She started to walk past him, but he held out his arm and she looked up at him expectantly.
"I've hated you since you beat me in that fight." Grimly muttered, "You were strong. Stronger than me. And, I think that you're still stronger than me. I could shoot you, right now again. But, you'd still survive. You'd still be stronger than me." Grimly began to continue on his way.
"I have a gun, now." Itami spoke up, making Grimly pause. He turned and looked at her.
"That gun is what I'm going to use to either save my ass, and if I can't do that. Bring myself to kill someone. I'm using that gun to end everything for me." Itami said quietly before she began walking away. Grimly watched her until she left the alleyway and turned so he couldn't see her. Then he continued on his way, but his mind was still on Itami.
Itami continued down the street. At one point, she passed a girl with dyed green hair. The two had looked at each other, and Itami had recognized her as a girl from her manners class that felt so long ago. But they hadn't stopped to speak to each other.
As Itami reached her home, she grabbed the box from under the porch and headed upstairs to her room, ignoring the Akatsuki. She pushed the box under her bed and slowly sat down, looking at the time.
Itami trooped downstairs and made dinner, as usual. She ate quickly before heading upstairs and changing into her pajamas and laying down on her bed. Before she fell asleep though, she heard someone come upstairs.
"What?" Itami asked as they took a seat on her bed.
"I don't wanna leave you alone, yeah." Deidara informed her. Itami nodded before rolling onto her side to go to sleep.
All in all, the day had been depressing for it had been a day full of goodbyes.
AN
So, depressing chapter.
Anyway, YOU ALL must FOLLOW my twitter that I just made. Because I'll probably post updates on my shit and stories and deviantart and shit on there. So, my twitter is ShadowBloodNin, since twitter was like NO. YOU CAN'T HAVE THE LAST LETTER IN YOUR NAME. YOU CAN'T PUT AN A. So yeah, once again a website hates me. Just like when I tried making a YouTube account (A horrible failure by the way)
Also, Wide Awake is coming to a close soon. A few chapters left. So sad.
And finally, BACK FROM MY TRIP :D I had fun; I went to Busch Gardens and Kings Dominion. Although I'm sad because I went last week and a YouTuber I'm a fan of is going tomorrow to Busch Gardens. And, there had been a guy with a Naruto shirt who walked past me. I almost tackled him but I didn't want to lose my dad since he had my phone and my phone is my life source when I'm on vacation since I'm a dumbass who didn't think there was wifi at the hotel so I left my computer home.
I think you all deserve to know I won a somewhat large Pikachu and it just fell off its perch and hit my head and I jumped and almost lost my laptop to the floor.
Q- So, school is coming around. Tell me your thoughts, when are you going back. Do you want to.
A-Nothing for me to really answer. Woo.
Sayonara!