Thanks for the well wishes for my holiday and job hunting. Your reward... A really long chapter, enjoy. Oh and there is a surprise at the end

Beckett's lip trembled as she looked at the door before her. She wasn't sure about coming here, but she needed to do something. Her life was in turmoil. After leaving the hospital, she had gone to her apartment. Not her home! It certainly hadn't felt like home when she opened the door and walked in. Her apartment was an almost foreign place to her even though she had been there recently.

Ignoring the cold empty feeling she felt while standing within the four walls of her apartment, she went straight for her shower. She needed to get Castle's blood off of her. The clothes she had been wearing went straight into the trash. Even if she could get the blood out of them, there was no way she wearing those items again.

Once she was in the shower, she had given a good performance of Lady Macbeth. Sitting on the ground with a scrubbing brush in her hand, she had scrubbed her hands within an inch of their life. She was halfway up her arms with the brush before she realised she was having another attack. Dropping the brush like it was a hot potato, she then fell back against the wall and cried.

She cried, cried and cried.

When it had become hard to breathe because of her crying and the steam of the shower, she crawled out. Literally. On her hands and knees, she exited the shower. She had pulled down a towel, loosely wrapped it around herself and then continued to sit there.

When had her life become so messed up, or had it always been that way? Things had been going along just fine, or had they? She was so confused about love and life and she hated it.

So, why then was she here? She needed help and she hated to admit it. Beckett slid her keys into the lock and opened the door. Walking in, the essence of the place swept over her. She looked at the pictures on the wall. Family! She looked at their smiling faces and the love clearly shining in the people's eyes.

Love.

Beckett trembled. She took a deep breath as she felt the imminent attack coming on. Looking around, Beckett bit her lip. She needed help. Now!

"Daddy," Beckett screamed out.

She looked into the lounge where he was normally sitting at this time of night. He wasn't there. Walking further into her parents' house, she called out again.

"Daddy."

Maybe he had gone to bed early? Hearing no response, Beckett headed towards the kitchen where there were lights blazing.

"Daddy," she called out again as she entered the kitchen and saw her father.

She quickly ran to him and threw herself into his arms.

"Daddy, daddy, daddy," she mumbled into his shoulder.

"Katie I..."

"Daddy it's all messed up. Rick's been shot and he proposed," That hadn't been exactly what she was going to say but it just came out.

"Katie," Jim Beckett tried again.

"Oh daddy, I don't know what to do," Beckett rubbed her head against her father's shoulder. "I thought this job was what I wanted. I thought Castle and I were just having fun. He never gave me any reason to think it was any more than that."

Beckett hugged her father tight.

"We've been coasting along together, Dad. Just playing it by ear. He hasn't asked me to move in with him; I just sorta never went home. We were supposed to have dinner one night, but he thought he might be late, so he gave me a set of keys and I just never gave them back. Rick had gone home before me one night to deal with a drama Martha was having. When it was time for me to leave the precinct, I was hungry and Castle has better snacks. So I went to his home and he seemed happy to see me in the morning. So I kept doing it"

"Umm Katie listen," her father tried to pull her out of his arms but she resisted.

"Daddy I know you probably don't want to hear this about your little girl but I really need you," she told him. "It has been me to take the big steps Dad. I was the one to suggest the family dinner. I was the one to offer him a drawer for his clothes at my place. It's been all me Dad."

"Kate, maybe" Jim tried to interrupt his daughter.

"No Daddy please let me get this out," Beckett pulled out of the hug but still held onto her father's arms. "When this job offer came up I didn't think much of it at first. Then I started seeing it as a challenge, a goal to work towards. I didn't think I had that with Castle and I didn't want to waste this opportunity. I didn't want to hate Castle if I stayed for a relationship where we weren't on the same page about what we wanted. Now things have changed Dad. He's offered me a commitment and I don't know what to do."

Beckett took a few deep breaths. It was a lot to dump on her father. He was never one she turned to in times of crisis in the past. It had always been her mother. Usually after all the crying, talking and ice-cream her father would come in and ask if he needed to get his shotgun out. It was an empty threat because he didn't actually have a shotgun, but it had always made her smile. That's what she needed now. To smile again.

"Daddy for once in my life I want you to tell me what to do?"

Jim Beckett stared at his daughter.

"Katie."

Beckett nodded at him. She wanted to know the answer that would define her future.

"I have company," he told her.

Beckett froze for a second before tilting to the side to look behind her father. Her eyes widened when she looked at the person sitting at the kitchen table.

"Ohhhhhh" Crap! "Martha."

"Hello dear."

Beckett closed her eyes and bit her lip. "Martha, what are you doing here?"

"I needed a drink and someone to talk to," Martha picked up a glass and took a sip.

Beckett looked at the table and saw the bottle of wine and two glasses. Gritting her teeth Beckett glared at her father.

"Oh, it's non alcoholic," Martha told Beckett. "It's not too bad actually," Martha said as she took another sip.

"Katie, why don't you sit down and have a drink with us?"

Beckett shook her head. "No. I should go. I'll leave you to." She then looked between her father and Castle's mother. "To whatever it is you were doing."

Beckett turned to walk away.

"Now Katherine, wait. It's not like that at all."

Beckett took a deep breath before turning around to face Martha. The only time she had been been called Katherine was when she had been naughty and her parents were telling her off. Hearing Katherine often had her shuddering and waiting for the inevitable punishment. No TV. No books. No motorbike. Yet when Martha called her Katherine, all she felt was comfort. She knew the only thing she should be expecting by hearing Katherine was love.

"I came to see your father because I was worried about you and my son dear," Martha told her.

Becket offered Martha a brief smile. Martha wasn't just worried about Castle: she was worried about her, too. The woman had sought out her father to talk about the mess she obviously knew about.

"So, my son actually proposed, did he? I hope he bought you a wonderful but appropriate ring."

Beckett nodded at her as she pulled her necklace out from under her shirt. She had stopped wearing her mother's ring around her neck on a daily basis. It was only when things had gotten hard or she had a particularly bad day that she would wear it. After her shower she had pulled out the necklace and ring. She had given it a good clean along with the ring Castle had given her. Cleaning Castle's blood off the ring had given her a good chance to actually look at it. It was beautiful and would suit her style, not too big and over the top. When the ring sat on her finger it wouldn't look like she had a pebble stuck to her finger. Her first thought had been to put it in her jewellery box for safe keeping. The ring had sat there for two seconds before Beckett removed it and put it on her necklace. For some reason, she felt as if she needed to keep it close by.

Beckett held up the ring on her chain. "It's a beautiful ring Martha."

Martha nodded at her even though it would have been impossible for her to see it from where she sat.

"That ring isn't my son's first sign of a commitment to you."

Beckett frowned. "What do you mean?"

"His will. Did you forget about that?"

Beckett eyes narrowed at the woman. "What about his will? What are you talking about Martha?"

Martha's eyes narrowed. "You really don't know about his will. I assumed he told you, considering he has a copy of it taped to the inside of your work locker."

Beckett's eyes widened. "He what?"

Martha shook her head. "He had it in his head that his Will could go missing. So he made sure he had multiple copies of it stashed away."

Beckett shook his head. "Doesn't his lawyer have a copy?"

"I do," Jim offered up. "But he was worried about how easily files got lost or modified especially in regards to things that went on with your mother."

Beckett mouth gaped open. "Dad, you're his lawyer? But you don't deal with that kind of thing,"

Jim shrugged. "He came to me because he said his lawyer was moving to LA, and he wanted someone he could trust."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I guess I thought you knew."

Beckett shook her head.

"Regardless of who Richard's lawyer is dear, he put you in his will. He emailed me a copy if you would like to read it."

Martha pulled out her phone and held it at a distance from her face and began poking at her screen.

"He emailed it to you?" Beckett asked confused.

Martha nodded. "Yes. I told you he was paranoid. He emailed a copy to me and Alexis and told us to keep it in a separate file in our inbox. Another copy is in your locker. There is another in his safe at home too. Silly technology," Martha held up her phone to Jim. "Jim dear, can you figure out how to use this damned thing. I am trying to get into my email and it's just not working."

Jim shook his head. "No need, I have a copy of Rick's Will here. I'll just go get it."

Beckett turned her head and watched as her father leave the room.

"My Dad has a copy here at home. What was Castle so paranoid about? Does he have the map to the fountain of youth or something?"

Martha shook her head as she ushered Beckett forward. "No but I guess he was worried his ex-wives would try and get more of his money. He gave them 2% each of his fortune, which I think is far too much,"

Beckett walked over to the table and sat down next to Martha. She lifted her father's glass to her mouth and took a sip. For non-alcoholic wine, it wasn't too bad.

"Here it is," Jim said as he walked back into the room with several sheets of white paper in his hand. He sat down at the table and offered the pages to his daughter.

Beckett looked at what her father was offering her. Castle's will. Wills were meant to be read once someone had died. Castle was still alive and she couldn't bear to touch it and tempt fate. She shook her head.

"I'll read it to you," Martha told her as she took the pages. "If you are reading this, then I Richard Castle have left this world. Or you just want to know how much of my fortune you are getting,"

Beckett raised her eyebrows at that. She looked at her father and Castle's mother, hoping for some explanation.

Jim shrugged at her. "He said he was a writer and wanted to leave a final stamp on the world. I just made sure it was all legal."

Martha seemed to be skimming over a few parts, mumbling as she went, before she got to the bit she was after. "Here it is." Martha then cleared her throat. "I ask that Katherine Beckett look after my daughter Alexis,"

"Hold it," Beckett interrupted. "He asked me to take care of Alexis years ago. He thought he was going to die. He was acting irrationally, so I told him yes. I didn't think he was serious but obviously he was. That is probably just transferred over from his old will. Besides Alexis is of age now."

Martha shook her head. "You didn't let me finish. ' I ask that Katherine Beckett look after my daughter Alexis and my mother Martha and they in turn look after her."

Beckett was startled by this. "He what?"

"He wants us to look after each other after he is gone,"

Beckett shook her head. "That doesn't even make sense. Why is that even in his will, Dad?"

"He wanted to make sure you girls knew what his last wishes were, so I put it in there."

Beckett shook her head, confused. Weren't wills meant to be who gets what? She brought her hand up to her mouth and nibbled on her thumb nail. In a way, Castle was giving her his family, and giving his family her.

Beckett shrugged. "So that doesn't prove anything. We were friends before. It makes sense he would want us to look out for each others' family."

Martha sighed. "Jim when did you make this will for my son?"

Jim smiled. "January."

Beckett frowned. "January two thousand and what?"

"13."

Beckett stared at her father before looking away. He had asked her father to write up a new will only months earlier and had made this new change then.

"Well, technically he asked me Christmas 2012?"

Beckett looked up. "What?"

"The surprising phone call you made to me Christmas morning. When Rick asked to speak to me, he wished me Merry Christmas. We chatted for a bit and he asked me then. He realised it was a bit morbid asking such a thing on Christmas day. Christmas was about families, he told me, and he wanted to make sure his was protected."

Beckett nodded at her father. It made sense. Sort of, but to her it didn't prove anything. Beckett heard her father sigh.

"Martha, I think you better read the rest of his will to her. She still isn't convinced about how committed Rick is to her."

"Right," Martha told him. She skimmed over the pages. "Money to a variety of charities including his ex-wives," Martha muttered. "Oh Dr Parish gets a sum of money to ensure she always has scratchless safety goggles," Martha told her. "Whatever that means."

Beckett bit her lip and smiled. Castle had complained about the goggles he had to wear in the morgue. Beckett had purposely given him the worst pair just to annoy him.

"Detectives Ryan and Esposito get the Ferrari to share," Martha continued. "As well as Richard's tie collection for Ryan because apparently Mrs Ryan has bad taste in ties. Oh and Detective Esposito gets my son's collection of leather jackets. If they fit."

Martha looked up and smiled. "Any of the clothes us ladies don't want to keep for memories, Richard has kindly agreed to donate to my school for props."

Beckett bit her lip. When her mother had died, her clothes had stayed in her closet for well over a year. Eventually her father had cleared them out, and had asked her if she wanted anything. At the time she couldn't bear to look at them and had said no. Something she had always regretted.

Thankfully, a few years ago when she had come home to get copies of photos after her apartment had blown up, she found her mother's clothes. Her father had packed all her clothes away in vacuumed-sealed bags. She had taken out one of her mother's favourite shirts and put it on. When her father had seen her wearing it, she was worried about his reaction. He simply smiled. Apart from one or two items, he had kept the rest for her. If wearing her mother's clothes made her feel happy, then he wanted her to do it.

"Ok here we are. After Richard has made all his donations and whatnot, the rest of his estate is to be divided up as follows. Even though I told Richard I didn't want anything, he has given me 6 % as well as any royalties that come from his books except the Heat and Storm series."

Beckett smiled. Martha was a proud woman. She knew how torn she had felt when Chet had left her money from his estate. When she needed more money for her school, she hadn't asked her son for it: she had gone to apply for a loan. A loan that nearly got her killed, but a loan regardless. 6% would still be a large amount, more than enough to pay off the loan that she had eventually gotten despite Castle's constant protest.

If Castle had left Martha 6%, and each of his ex-wives 2 %, than Alexis was left with a tidy sum of 90 % of the estate. That is, in the long long distant future when Castle finally died. Nope, she wasn't even going to think about it. Castle was fine. He was shot but he was going to survive.

Why were they even reading his will anyway?

"Can we just put it away? I don't want to hear Castle's will. He is going to be fine." Beckett stood up. She had come here for answers, not a death sentence.

"Katie, sit down," her father told her. "We know Rick is going to be ok. You need to hear the rest of it though. You need to know what Rick has been feeling."

Beckett bit her lip. Fine. She would sit down and listen to Martha read out how his daughter got the rest of the estate proving what she already knew. Castle loved his daughter very much.

"To my daughter Alexis, who is by far the best thing I have ever created. I leave 45 % of my estate, with the house in the Hamptons so you can enjoy many summers there with your children and any royalties from the Derrick Storm series."

Beckett frowned. "Only 45%. Surely he didn't leave the other 45% to some person that has come up with some crazy idea?"

Both Jim and Martha were giving her very peculiar smiles.

Martha cleared her that again. "To Kate, I leave 45% of my estate, the loft, all royalties from the Nikki Heat series, and my plot on the moon, because being with her makes me feel like I can fly there."

Beckett's mouth dropped open. "There must be some mistake,"

Jim shook his head. "I drew it up Katie, there is no mistake."

Beckett turned to look at Martha. "You knew about this?"

Martha nodded. "I was there when he signed off on it."

Beckett's mouth gaped open. "Why didn't you try talking him out of it?"

Martha laughed. "Out of what, dear? When it comes to you, my son has held back, on everything but this. I was glad to see him taking a stand."

Beckett frowned. "What do you mean, held back?"

Martha sighed. "My son has been very careful with you, Kate. It was like the two of you were doing some crazy dance before you got together. He would take one step forward and you would hold your ground. He would take another set forward and then you would take one step back. Two steps forward, one step back. I am surprised the two of you managed to get together, but one day you took a step forward. I was so glad when that happened, Kate."

Beckett stared at Martha. The woman had such insight. She had only let Castle get so close before, and if he stepped over the imaginary line she had created, she retreated. However, Beckett could hear the unsaid "but" in there.

"But?" Beckett finally offered up.

"But now the two of you are together, my son has been afraid to even take one step forward in case you go running ten steps back. He really loves you Katherine, and he doesn't want to lose you. He jumped the gun with both his previous marriages. My son is just so eager to love and be loved back. He doesn't want to get hurt again. So he has held back with you."

Beckett sighed. She knew what it was like to get hurt and that had been a big part of why she had kept Castle at a distance for so long.

"You think he hasn't been offering you commitment, but he has dear. For once in his life, Richard has been subtle. He hasn't asked you to move in, yet he conveniently forgot to ask you for his keys back. There was no empty drawer for you to put your clothes in, but there are a lot less clothes in his closet now. The milk in the fridge is the one you buy. He once emptied out his pockets at the end of the day, and there were tampons in there along with his keys and wallet. He said your pants didn't have pockets on them that day. If that's not commitment, then I don't know what is!"

Beckett smiled.

The tampon incident.

She remembered it vividly. As per usual, she had been wrapped up in a case, and hadn't realised it was that time of the month. She had woken up to see that Satan had arrived during the night. Spending time soaking her underwear so she didn't lose another pair meant she was running late. Without thinking, she had grabbed whatever clothes she had put out the night before and put them on.

It wasn't until hours later she discovered the dilemma. As she was heading out to go speak to a suspect, she had reached into the back of her drawer to get the tampons she always kept there. Keeping her hand clenched, she had tried to put the items in her pocket without drawing attention to herself. Men were often such babies when it came to feminine products. The trouble was her pants didn't have pockets. Well they did, but the stupid sewn shut ones. She then had reached for her jacket and discovered the designer had the same idea. There was no way she was putting one in her bra again. Ryan and Espo still brought up that incident. Best ever takedown of a suspect, they constantly reminded her.

She had grimaced, and the ever-observant Castle had noticed something was up, and as usual wouldn't let it go. She thought she would shock him like she had done on so many occasions. Opening her hand she presented the brightly coloured tampons to him. He looked at them, then looked back up at her and shrugged. After explaining she had nowhere to put them, Castle simply grabbed the tampons and put them in his pocket. He had even sneakily handed her one when she mentioned she was heading to the restroom later in the day.

Beckett looked at Martha and her father. "He is sensitive to a woman's needs but.."

"Katie, you can't make work your whole life, but I don't see why you can't have both."

Beckett shook her head at her father. "It wouldn't work Dad. This job would be very demanding. So much more than what I am doing now. If Castle didn't work with me now, we would hardly see each other." Beckett then frowned at her father. "Dad. You have made work your whole life. Isn't that a bit pot calling the kettle black."

Jim sighed. "I have made work my life now. That's only because I lost the love of my life. I lost your mother, and because I handled that badly I lost you in a way."

Beckett shook her head at him.

"Don't try and deny it, Katie. Things haven't been the same between us since Johanna died, and that's my fault. So I have thrown myself into my work. I am also honouring what your mother wanted by working still."

Beckett frowned. It wasn't as if her father was fighting for her mother's cause. In fact, as far as she knew, he had never even looked at it.

"I don't understand."

"We were looking forward to being grandparents. Your mother was scared you would go off and get pregnant at the age of 16 just to spite us, but she would have supported you regardless. We would sometimes sit and plan what we would be like when we were old. Your mother wanted to go grey gracefully. Then colour her hair a very light shade of purple grey."

Jim laughed at the memory. "We decided we were going to retire early and look after our grandchildren, so that you could continue working if you wanted to. We wanted to give our grandchildren the "fun" grandparents you never had. We were smart with our money, made investments. The plan was to retire and maybe work part time or pro bono the minute you announced you were pregnant. It hasn't happened yet so I still work. "

Beckett was shocked about this announcement.

"Why didn't I know about this?"

Jim shrugged. "I didn't want to pressure you. Didn't you think it was unusual that a grown man brought a candy jar a few years ago."

Beckett watched as her father got up and went to retrieve the jar that was sitting on the counter.

"I keep it filled for the neighbour's grandkids. I was hoping that my own would come running in one day. Even though it would spoil their dinner Poppa would still let them sneak some."

Beckett looked at the jar he placed on the table. Poppa. He wanted to be called Poppa. Her mother had wanted to see her grandkids. It was the normal thing that most parents wanted. Beckett had never really thought about her parents wanting that.

"You know Jim. My Alexis doesn't have a grandfather in her life, and even though she is 18 I know she loves candy."

Beckett turned to look at her father and saw him smile and sit up a little straighter.

"Well, you tell her my door is always open to her."

Martha laughed. "I'd be careful with that offer Jim. She might come and start raiding your fridge."

Beckett sat there in silence as a conversation went on around her. After a few seconds she had enough.

"I have to do what's best for me, not what everyone else wants."

Jim placed a hand on his daughters shoulder. "You asked for my help Katie. I am just telling you the facts."

"Yes dear," Martha added. "I am not telling you to marry my son. I just want you to make sure you are making the right decision. I too have been faced with making life changing decisions when it came to my career and Richard. I'll be honest I made a lot of bad decisions but I also made some good ones. I didn't have my family's support like you have."

Beckett turned to look at Martha. She knew the woman didn't just mean the support of her father. Martha was offering her support, too. She was insinuating that they were family despite the fact there wasn't a ring on her finger.

"I am just confused dear," Martha told her. "I thought when it came to your career and Richard you had already made your decision to chose him, a year ago."

Beckett shook her head. "I only got this job offer recently Martha"

"Oh I know that, I meant your current job. I know you and Richard got together when you quit but you still went back to the job. You knew you could get fired for dating a coworker and yet you did it anyway. I assumed you felt that it was worth the risk. That Richard meant more to you than your career. You love being a detective, otherwise you wouldn't have gone back to the job. You could have gotten a job elsewhere and still been with Richard, but you didn't."

The words seeped into Beckett's thick skull. She was right. As much as she loved being a cop, she had put it all on the line to be with Castle.

"Is it because your relationship doesn't need to be a secret anymore that you want out? Are you ashamed to be with him?"

Beckett was shocked by this statement. "No. I am not ashamed of Castle."

Martha shook her head. "Then I don't understand. If you didn't think that Richard was committed to this relationship, then why did you even start one with him? You knew it could potentially destroy your career and your friendship, but you went for it anyway. After four years, you finally made the leap. Why? What made you change your mind?"

What had changed her mind? What had finally made her take that leap?

Almost falling.

"I nearly died," Beckett whispered.

"You and Richard have nearly died plenty of times. What made this time different?"

Memories of dangling over the edge of the building flooded Beckett's mind. The sound of the busy street below her couldn't be heard. Everything was silent and still. Until her own voice broke through. Castle!

"I was alone," she stammered. "Rick left me. He told me to back off and I didn't, so he didn't want any part of it. He has always been there for me in the past, but not this time." Beckett took a deep breath as the memories hit her. "He has always been there for me, supporting me, both physically and emotionally. When Dunn was after me, he came to my apartment to protect me. I laughed at the idea because what was he going to do and yet I let him stay anyway. It felt nice knowing someone was there for me."

Martha stroked her arm and nodded encouraging her to go on.

"And then he came back for me when my apartment blew up. Gave me his jacket and helped me hobble out. Then there was the time when we were quarantined. Josh had left and Rick offered me emotional support. He held me in the freezer. Held my hand when the bomb was about to explode. When I was shot, he tried to knock me out of the way, but then he held me making me feel safe. Then there was the time when we went into the river. I was stuck in my seat and Castle nearly drowned trying to find my gun. He got me free before shooting out the window. Then there was the time he stood in front of a hungry tiger, and then,"

"Umm how come I didn't know about all these near death experiences?" Jim asked, interrupting his daughter. He shook his head. "I am just glad Rick was there with you."

Martha sighed. "I'll be the first to admit that my son has the attention span of a goldfish except when it comes to things he really cares about. Things like me, Alexis, his writing and most recently you. He turned his back on you because he felt like you had done the same to him. You were alone on that rooftop, but you were alone before Rick came along."

Beckett nodded. "I was. Dad was right: we are different without mom. Then Castle came along and things changed, but in a good way. I nearly died and all I could think about was Castle. I kept screaming his name, hoping he would show up. I even thought I heard him calling my name but it ended up being Ryan. When I was finally safe and had both my feet on solid ground, I looked for Castle but he wasn't there. It felt as if my whole world had exploded and there was nothing left," Beckett gulped as she tried to force the tears back. "Just like I felt today. Seeing Rick lying on the ground, blood pouring out of him." Beckett gasped for air as she felt another attack coming on. "It was just like when Mom died. I thought he was gone forever."

Beckett couldn't hold it in any longer. Her body slumped forward on the table and she burst into tears.

"What am I going to do?"

Martha and Jim exchanged a look over the top of the fallen woman.

"You stop hiding in your work," Jim told her.

"You stop hiding from what's in your heart," Martha added.

Authors Note: So I have some very exciting news people. There is going to be a Castle promo featuring Castle fans reactions to Watershed. AHHHHHH. Guess who is hopefully going to be in it. Me! AHHHHHHHH. If you are not aware I do You Tube reviews for every ep. If you like, go to You Tube and type in Watershed review Castle. It's pretty much the first thing that comes up. So anyway some part of this review along with other fan reactions is going to be used for a Castle promo. Pretty cool huh. So as far as I know the promo is meant to be played during Monday nights Bachelorette finale and possibly all though August. Just PM me and I can contact you if I know more. Or follow me on Twitter for updates. Natalie NattieLizzie

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