VII.
Madness Most Discreet
It was the darkest part of the night, and the broad leaves of the trees in Inuyasha's forest wore the glimmers of gathering dew like a shattered crown. The moon's shadowed green light gave the world a supernatural aspect, turned every plant into an eerie spirit, every village into a ghost town inhabited by sleeping specters. In the high branches of the Goshinboku, Inuyasha had been waiting, watching, staring into the deep velvet of the sky and listening to a pounding inside himself grow louder. Now, he ran through the dark trees and then leapt up to a once- familiar spot.
To the new eyes of Inuyasha's unfiltered blood, the nights were long and silent, and the days were dark. Small branches shifted in the lightness of a damp breeze. The chittering of birds had been a swift, darting music, but now there was a warning clatter amidst the leaf-canopy and stillness descended, the silencing of all noises. Only the wind continued to move as life hid, fearing the approach of this hunter, a known scent tainted with insanity.
Tonight, it would happen. Tonight, all the dreaming and waiting would be over; tonight he could finally have everything that should belong to one with the blood of youkai lords in his veins. Tonight, he would succumb, and he would become, and the world would learn to fear him.
No light reflected from his eyes; any who knew his condition would have kept far away from that one sign, the utter blankness that showed the demon's dominance over his soul.
Where he sat, there was a clear view both up and down, and his eyes shifted randomly, without purpose, somehow tense. When he looked down, there was a pit as deep and black as a sky without stars; the hollow darkness of the empty well nagged at him like an old scar in cold weather. Images flashed across his thoughts like slippery knives; a woman, a man. A kit - and another woman, the woman full of light. He could not remember her name; barely, he could remember that at the beginning of all this, whatever this was, he had known that her name was the prayer to protect him.
Now that it was gone, there was nothing to keep him safe. Tonight, Kikyou would come, and his damnation was in her hands. Did it matter, that she was second choice for him, to her? She had to know it, know that only in this submitted place within him did the evil thoughts surface, full of violence.
He sensed that she wanted the violence, and a panting laugh came to him, a harsh, inhuman sound. It floated on the wind and into the village, to disturb the dreams that belonged the faces of his troubled thoughts; even if they had been awake, they would never have guessed that he was the origin of that noise.
The deep compulsions that had been buried in his mind would not allow him to analyze his separation from his thoughts too deeply. It had been months; seasons. The light had gone away from him, had gone out in a flash of blue intensity behind which was…nothing.
Inuyasha lived in a shadow world, in which he was utterly alone. For moments of penetrating, painful brilliance, he had occasionally been restored to himself - but it did not last. He had considered, in the beginning, going back to those people - those...friends. But if he went among them, talked to them, let them look into his face, then they would know. Long ago, they had all been prepared for that moment of knowing, and he was aware that the hardness they had learned would not permit them to let him live as he was, to live in the madness. The woman had come to him more than once, searching him out, her words full of questions about the light that had left him, but -
Not even the sword could help him now.
Half-breed, dangerous, monster, hanyou!
From the moment he had first gained the ability to suppress it, redirect it, the madness had hovered beneath the surface in him. He knew the cause, his mother's human blood too weak to restrain the wild strength of youkai ferocity, youkai pleasures, youkai pain. He had always known this about himself - had known since the first time he had laid a hand on his sword with the intention of stopping this transformation, had known even before that, when his mother had wept for him, inescapable tears.
What does it mean, hanyou? He had asked her; he had not really wanted to know.
His veins felt consistently hot now, as though his blood ran alongside acid, making his flesh tremble. As he moved, he bared his teeth at the night. His eyes were dry and stretched, dark-tinged hollows in a gaunt and wrathful expression. His cheekbones stood out, sharpening curves into angles, until skull-shadows controlled the contours of his face. Inuyasha snarled, fangs and claws reaching through the darkness, rending the night, seeking.
He leapt down suddenly, landed on the edge of the well and dug his claws into the wood, clenching, cracking, splintering. In his head, there was suddenly a whirl of light and color, the sound of laughter, a soft scent and the echo of a name that he had lost forever.
What was left of his memories tormented him; he could not grasp them now, but they were real; that much, he knew.
Again, the panting laughter. The one who was the light in his thoughts had made him think he could escape, that there was a way out, that if he opened his heart he could keep from fulfilling the destructive potential that came eventually to all of his kind.
Here it was, that potential, but now he was waiting to welcome it. Kikyou had come back and she brought with her a way to power that had seduced the beast in his soul as that other woman had seduced his heart. His heart, as soft and fragile as all other hearts, rich with blood, full of the taste of life. He should never have thought of it any other way.
The demon in possession of Inuyasha's soul did not know that already he was lost; that the darkness inside would consume even his flesh.
Without warning or sound, a sudden light, blistering blue, unnatural, leapt up from between distant trees. He grinned widely, fangs glinting in the diamond light of stars, and the red of his eyes, the darkness of his face, filled out and took on frightening proportions. The jagged stripes on his cheeks stood out against a moon-tinged pallor; he let out a sudden, blistering howl.
That light - it was her signal, though he didn't know how he knew. He had always had actions first and thoughts later where Kikyou was concerned. That alone had not changed; she had made him that way. Silently, he leapt away from the edge of the well, ran out into the trees towards that light - not the right light, not the light that could save him...but Kikyou was all that he had now; the last thing he had left. Why was that? Why - what had happened, that had made it this way?
As much as he tried, he could not remember; he could not bring his thoughts back to that day, that moment - he could not remember, could not - could not -
But too quickly, he came to Kikyou, standing alone in a small clearing, herself the center of that terrible radiance.
"Inuyasha. You come so quickly; did you miss me?"
As he stepped into the light, reaching towards her, something dark, something horrible on his face, he fell to his knees. What left his lips then was not a howl, not a cry - it was a scream, the expression of pain the likes of which he had never felt before. Slowly, as he fell to his knees, the light restored him to something like the hanyou he had been before, but his eyes were dull, not golden but blue, the clear azure color of the light.
"Ki - Ki -"
"Yes; I am Kikyou, Inuyasha. Kikyou. Come with me, now. There is one more thing I need you to do for me, and then you will be free."
She smiled at him. The expression was...almost tender. For a moment, there was a flash of Inuyasha in his face; it faded almost before she had time to recognize it.
"Free forever."
Woodenly, brokenly, he came to her, embraced her. She allowed it, stood still and let him touch her. His claws would have hurt her, if her flesh had been flesh.
But it was not.
It will be over soon.
The first night, after she had had woken, Kagome did not think she would be able to sleep - but once she was under those furs again three nights and two days passed by, and she was dead to the world. While the sun was still bright in the sky each day, Rin cracked open the door in the quietest way possible and peered in. She had been given an important task by her Sesshomaru-sama; it was her job to take care of this woman. Rin did not wish to wake her, so she was very quiet, but she was intent on her responsibility. It was not often that she had a task; to be trusted with something of such importance was a great honor.
Sesshomaru-sama had said so.
Sesshomaru himself stayed away; he did not trust himself to enter that room, where she was sleeping, and not do something...irrevocable. He spoke with Kinawai outside, and did so with narrowed eyes. There was something he knew Kinawai was not telling him; he could tell. They had discussed a thousand rumors, the last three battles he had had with his brother - the number, in and of itself, was infuriating - and...Kagome. Kinawai had a hundred questions about Kagome, and then another hundred - and then he sat quietly, drinking sake or damson wine with a thoughtful expression on his face that made Sesshomaru angry. More than angry. Furious - because Kinawai's voice on her name made his possessive instincts twitch, because he wanted to keep all the things he knew about her, all the things he had learned, to himself – as well as all the things he did not know.
Especially with that female around. Kasuka.
Now was no different than the last two days had been, and he was tired of it.
"So tell me, Sesshomaru, why - "
For a moment Sesshomaru looked up, and Kinawai thought his eyes oddly bright.
"You tell me where have you sent Kasuka, Kinawai."
Slightly startled, Kinawai shrugged, watching fragrant steam come out of his cup and turn over itself in loops and spirals. His mate had disappeared almost immediately after they had arrived; he had no idea where she was, and felt more than a little uncomfortable admitting it.
"Nowhere, and you knew that before you asked. She, too, does what she will – and when. As much as you do."
And he shook his head, an unvoiced comment on the depth of his understanding of his mate. Sesshomaru was glaring at him, and he did not know why; Sesshomaru was...expressing himself, and that in itself was unusual enough to make this conversation worthwhile.
As much as yesterday's.
Kinawai allowed himself a bit of a smile, and leaned back in his chair; unseen hands refilled his cup. The wind was cool, and the shade was nice here, the hot wine relaxing, smooth. His eyes closed to slits of glittering green.
Sesshomaru's thoughts were seething. If Kagome had not been wounded, then he would not have brought her back here, and he would not have been here to receive Kinawai and...that female. Of the visitors he received, Kinawai was the only one he welcomed. Kinawai had been his father's friend; he would count him his own friend, as well - but now... with Kagome in his home, it was not – wise. Rumor had already spread that he suffered from weakness, that his Blood was thinning - that his half-born brother had defeated him. Already, he had been forced to the Challenge twice in six seasons, because of his girl.
Rin. But I killed them both, and it was not even a - challenge.
He smiled. Did it matter, really? If there was anyone foolish enough to attack him, he would deal with it the same way he always had; it was a good enough method. Kinawai's voice cut in on thoughts of blood, low and thoughtful.
"You know, Sesshomaru, if it were not for the fact that she seems to bind the Dragon clans to my command, I would have killed Kasuka long ago and found myself a true mate. She certainly does not care much for me or my opinions – she follows her own path."
Sesshomaru looked up sharply. What was this?
"You know what I –"
Kinawai spoke sharply, neatly slicing away the end of Sesshomaru's sentence before he could speak it.
"Yes, I know your feelings, and your thoughts, and still you have never provided me with reason for your...dislike. Whether or not you believe me, I do take your sentiments into account…but no more."
He relaxed, and smiled easily.
"You should be grateful she decided to cut her visit short, since she so displeases you, and be less concerned with why. I only mention it because you have such an interesting -"
Abruptly, Sesshomaru turned away and looked up towards the door and inside.
"Sesshomaru?"
"Kagome. Kagome is awake."
Kinawai raised an eyebrow in his direction, smiled a secretive smile. Sesshomaru stared at him suddenly, at that smile - the hidden thing was in it, the thing he had not yet been told.
"But she - she will wait, for now."
He took a deep breath, steadied himself enough to make the words true.
"You are going to tell me why you are here, Kinawai. It is not just because you like my wine."
Kinawai let out a long breath.
Kagome awoke alone, and yawned her way back to consciousness slowly. The furs were warm, and she lay quietly for a while, until an annoying ache began to manifest itself in her leg, and she sighed and forced herself to sit up.
The first thing she noticed was that the ache in her chest and side were gone; she lifted the robe she had slept in, peered down at her skin. There were no bandages, no wounds. Confused, she reached down and ran her fingers over the thin, almost invisible lines of silvery-pink scars. The wounds - gone?
How is that possible?
She lifted her feet over the edge of her pallet, and shivered a little; the floor was cold. Rubbing her arms, she crossed the room to the window, peered outside at a late afternoon sky of clean, deep blue. The door opened behind her and she turned quickly, her thoughts leaping - but, like the first time, there was no one there, and she had again a sense of faint, feminine laughter.
"You - you are the one who was here before?"
Something like a whisper without any words told Kagome that yes, this was true.
"Have you...are you here to help me, again?"
The door of the wardrobe opened, and then she felt hands on her back, pushing her gently in the direction of the open bureau.
"I - I don't know what I should wear, I've never really worn clothes like these before."
It was strange, talking to the air, but she was slowly growing used to it.
"Will you help me pick something, please?"
A pair of different robes lifted themselves in her direction, one a well-glossed russet and the other dyed in deepening shades of autumn gold.
"Oh! Yes, thank you."
When she was dressed, the door opened, and she thought she was alone again, but the door never closed.
"Am I supposed to go somewhere? Or - follow you?"
The door opened wider, and Kagome supposed that was all the affirmation she would get.
"I'll try, but it's not going to be easy to follow you when I can't see you."
She heard the laughter again, and followed it, if only because there was nothing else for her to do. Down hallways and stairs, hands reaching out in front of her as if that might help, Kagome followed her invisible servant in what was quickly becoming something like a maddening game of hide and seek. No-hands would open a door, and no-hands left it open for her to follow. Quite suddenly, she realized that she had been led outside, and then the door shut behind her and would not open even when she pulled on it.
What on earth...
Kagome gave the door one more halfhearted tug, and then shrugged and turned away. She could hear voices in the garden, very close to where she was standing, and she crept up to the edge of a tall hedge of maple trees and autumn flowers.
"You seem distracted; are you sure now is the time for such questions? Why is it that she is here with you, anyway?"
"I was weak in the face of her suffering – it was my fault. When I found her, Kinawai, she drew me to her…she is like strong wine. I feel her scent – it becomes more than a scent. I cannot be close to her for too long!"
Kagome almost stopped breathing.
Sesshomaru!
Carefully, aware that if she made the slightest noise, she would be noticed, Kagome peered through the overlapping leaves. She saw the youkai she had met in the hall - Kinawai. He was staring at Sesshomaru with unreadable eyes, a blanked expression that showed only mild concern.
"And she does not move you with power? You are certain of this?"
Sesshomaru laughed in response to that, and Kagome almost took a step back, stopped when she felt a leaf rustle against her elbow. It was a disturbing sound; she had never thought to hear Sesshomaru laughing, and this was more than just humor. There was a hunger for blood in the sound; she let out a shaky sigh. Kinawai's eyes darted in her direction - he could see her, she was sure of it! - but then he looked away, and she took a very slow, deep breath.
"Certain? I am certain of nothing! She was wounded, poisoned…and I was so concerned for her, so inexplicably concerned…still, that was not enough. The poison of such youkai is virulent poison. I brought her here, where my own could tend her…and put her in my room; my own room! Do not ask me why, I cannot tell you - but it is worse than that, Kinawai."
"Worse?"
"She slept for so long that the ones tending to her were - fearful. I -"
He stopped speaking, and Kagome watched the strangest collection of expressions she had ever seen flail across his face and then disappear out of sight, the old mask in place again.
What - what was -
"I gave her my blood, Kinawai, do you understand? Twice, I have healed her; my blood runs in her veins; she is mine - mine - but - "
"But you see a human and cannot get past the sight. You want to know why I am here, Sesshomaru, you want to know why I have come? I was sent with a message - from Eldest, for you."
Kagome saw Sesshomaru go suddenly still, and Kinawai nodded sharply, as if he expected that stillness and found it utterly appropriate.
"Yes. Eldest. She sent me to tell you - to tell you - "
He paused, until Sesshomaru's growl promise immediate violence if he did not speak.
"She sent me to tell you exactly these words, Sesshomaru: What you want - that is real. You have it in my own words. What are you waiting for?"
A long shudder crept down Sesshomaru's body; Kagome saw it, but it didn't matter. She, too, was focused on Kinawai's words. She did not know who Eldest was, had no knowledge of such a person, but the words themselves were clear enough to her.
It is true. It is true, I know it, I knew it when he said it. I am - youkai.
She could see the same knowledge, the same awareness coming over Sesshomaru, even as he tried to fight it.
"Eldest! She has nothing to do with me; why send me such a message?"
"I didn't know - until I came here. What are you going to do, Sesshomaru? Will you mate the miko?"
"I cannot. Cannot!"
"She is not human."
Sesshomaru bared his teeth, and his next words struck Kagome down to her knees.
"No! That doesn't matter! She - she was Inuyasha's woman! She is mine, but - she was Inuyasha's woman!"
He turned away, and strode out of the garden. The fingers of his hand were twitching with repressed feeling, but Kagome saw only that he was going away from her, not towards her, and let out a tiny sigh of relief.
A/N: And...since I can't get the next scene for Ukime straight yet, another chapter of this! And also, the next chapter (cause its almost done). And then...the lemon! I think...pretty sure...
Much thanks to all reviewers; you're starting to be too many to do all of you, but lets see if I can try: Thanks to...Kouga's Older Woman (it does, it really does!), flynalien (much thanks!), wrecklessangel(and the chapter loves you too!), Wudelfin (mwaha! complexity, the bane of all authors who want to stay...well, sane...and...Look! Inuyasha! Poor Inu...), caitibug323(updates, updates on FIRE!), Anime Lady PIMP (at least it's not just me!), lunarcat12(If I were Kagome, I would be WAY more freaked out in general, since I fell through a well into the past! HA! and making Sesshomaru feel things is fun. especially when they're naughty things. HA again!), tifftails88(much thanks! being a best rocks monkeys!), and, last but not least, KatiechanXoxoXSesshoukun (updated! soon!)
WoW! Being in general overexcited, and about reviews in particular...next chapter!
Final Revisions, Complete! :D R&R!