Author: My life is still busy, but at least I still have enough spare work on updating this story.
The story will end in Chapter 20 while Chapter 21 will serve as some sort of epilogue of what's to come in the future.
What does it mean to be a shipgirl?
It's been so long. Six years ago, I came back to the surface. Back then I didn't know I wasn't the only one who came back. When I returned, I remembered everything. What my Abyssal self felt overwhelmed me, but I came to accept those feelings. She was angry at the world and I guess so was I.
"You've been lost in thought lately" Warspite came by
I was just standing near the shore, staring at nowhere when Warspite passed by. It's been days since I returned to the surface as a shipgirl, but it still felt like yesterday.
"Are you alright?" She sounded worried
"Not really..."
I would be lying if I said I'm alright. It's not easy to cope with the fact I sunk and returned as if nothing happened. Not to mention how everyone I know thinks I'm still dead.
"No one knows I'm alive except for you"
"Tirpitz..."
"Perhaps being dead is for the best. Even if they know I'm alive, I can't go back anyway"
What hurts me most is my inability to be a shipgirl again. My body suffered too much damage, it just pushed its limit when I returned. The damages I suffered before I sunk took a toll on my body.
"I'm just...a defect now. A ship who can't sail is better off scrapped, right?"
"Don't say that" She grabbed my hand
"What's the point of being alive if I can't be a shipgirl anymore?"
I pulled my hand away. As a shipgirl like me has only one purpose and that's to fight in this war. Having my ability to sail taken away...is no different from being dead.
"I still wanted to fight in this war. Fighting is all I've known...ever since I became Tirpitz"
"We shipgirls are not just single minded weapons. We're still humans, you know" Warspite reminded me
"..."
I turned away from her. Before I can walk away, she grabbed my hand again.
"You may not be able to sail again, but you are still one of us. You're still a shipgirl"
Even if Warspite says that, I felt she can't call myself a shipgirl. A shipgirl who can't sail can't be called a shipgirl. At this point, I wished I should have stayed sunken...at the bottom of the ocean. There's nothing for me to do here. Nothing.
"I...no longer have a purpose"
"You may have lost your purpose, but I know...you'll gain one again"
Warspite held out my hand and her gentle fingers rubbed my palm. Sometimes she reminds me of my mother even though she's my mentor.
"It may not be today, but surely I know...you'll find another reason to live again"
"I wish I'm as hopeful as you" I bitterly smiled
It's probably because of my life of loneliness I forgot what it means to hope. I kept on waiting, I don't know if I should keep on waiting or give up. I'm just a ship who was cast aside...and abandoned until I was forgotten. I lived alone and sunk alone. Such is the fate...of "The lonely Queen of the North".
Tirpitz went through a lot in her life, she would sometimes forget about the normal life she once had. Before being a shipgirl, she was just a child who knew nothing of the world. Tirpitz saw good in everything, but her view was changed when Abyssals ravaged her town and killed her parents. She and her sister Bismarck strived to live ever since.
"...?!"
She woke up in cold sweat running down her forehead. The memory of Abyssals firing and devouring everyone in sight continued to haunt her. Every time she would see piles of bodies, her traumatic memory triggers. She would always feel like breaking down, but she forced that scream into silence.
"Bis - sis?" She blinked her eyes
Tirpitz straightened herself and fixed her cap's position, realizing she had fallen asleep while in the middle of work again.
"Did you have a nightmare? You looked like you were...scared"
"It was just one of my old bad dreams..."
"..."
"Was it about what happened in Wilhelmshaven?" Bismarck guessed
Her reaction is what Bismarck needed as an answer. She knows her sister very well. She knows her bad dreams are about the hell they went through in the past, specially in their childhood.
"How long has it's been since that day? Our shipgirl bodies doesn't go with the flow of time" Bismarck looked at her palm
"It still scares me to this day. It was the first time I experienced fear in my life. I thought the world was clear...but it was filthy. That's why I hated it"
Even if they are sisters, Tirpitz has a much different personality than Bismarck. Tirpitz has a different and less optimistic view of the world compared to Bismarck. It's like she's bitter to it and the fate given to her.
"I don't truly know if I hated the world, but...the Beast...she truly hated everything. Specially you"
'The Beast of the North'. A nickname given to Tirpitz's Abyssal self, an Abyssal who lurked in the northern fjords by herself. Bismarck participated in some operations against the Beast. Back then she didn't know the Abyssal she sunk is her own sister.
"I have mixed feelings about it, you know..." Bismarck took off her cap
"...?"
"Ever since I lost you eleven years ago, I became hellbent on sinking every single damn Abyssals. I lashed out this anger and grief on every Abyssal I face..."
Bismarck recalls how she disobeyed orders once and engaged Northern Fjord Princess. She didn't think of anything, but to sink the Beast at all cost. She hunted her down for four years...until the success in Operation Catechism.
"Don't feel bad about it. If you didn't sink me, then I would have hurt more people. Besides, I was thankful I went down by your hands" Tirpitz smiled
"But...I still sunk you, my own sister"
"Like I said, don't feel bad about it. You did what you have to do. It's your job...after all..."
When Tirpitz said that, Bismarck felt something unusual. It's like Tirpitz's tone changed. She sounded like she's restraining a bit of bitterness.
"It made me think how the future would be different if I didn't sink eleven years ago. I wouldn't have become an admiral. I wouldn't have met Nagato and the rest of the fleet" Tirpitz thankfully smiled
"Yeah. I would still probably be the older sister who never knew what her younger sister felt"
They that thought how different everything would be if one little thing changed in the past. Like how Tirpitz wouldn't be Maizuru naval district's admiral if she didn't sink eleven years ago. She would still be the same Tirpitz who's distant to most people and still prefers solitude.
(I can see why she's content with this life, but...time is going to run short soon...)
Even if Tirpitz knows time is limited, she wanted to make most of her life filled with no regrets. She wanted to spend it with the people important to her. She knows fate will have other plans in the future. No one can tell, but one must be prepared.
Later...
After a refreshing bath, Gangut takes a stroll with a big smile on her face. She stopped when she spotted Tirpitz with her hand seemingly reaching for something.
"Hey, Tirpitz. What are you doing?" Gangut decides to check on her
"It's you. I was just thinking about some things. I was spaced out"
"You've been spacing out lately. Is everything okay?"
"I'm fine. I just have a lot in mind" Tirpitz assures Gangut
"Then how about you share your thoughts with me. It will make you feel lighter"
Tirpitz appreciates Gangut's concern, but she has no intention of revealing her thought to Gangut...or anyone else. While she wants to be open with everyone in the base, there are just thoughts she can't share with everyone. Those are personal thoughts.
"It's not a big deal. There's nothing to talk about it"
"You're a terrible liar, aren't you?" Gangut folded her arms
Being Tirpitz's former partner, Gangut had seen sides of Tirpitz that she doesn't show to anyone else. She knows how Tirpitz tends to act and behave sometimes, but there are still times Gangut can't tell what's on her mind.
"These are just feelings I don't feel like sharing. You have to understand that"
"I see. I won't force you if you don't want to" Gangut can respect that
"I'm glad you understand"
Tirpitz felt relieved Gangut chose to respect her desire for the privacy of her thoughts. Of course, Gangut won't force Tirpitz to reveal it if she doesn't want to. That would be just being a horrible person.
"By the way, I noticed Tashkent is acting weird around you lately. I tried asking her, but she avoided answering. Did something happen?"
"...?" Tirpitz tilted her head, acting confused
"It's just that it looked like something serious happened. I never saw Tashkent act like that, even back in Russia"
Gangut felt like something serious happened that made Tashkent act so out of the ordinary. When it comes to her comrades, Gangut would always raised concern about anything unusual.
"I don't know anything about unusual. For me, I don't see anything I should be worried about" Tirpitz faked a smile
Gangut knew Tirpitz lied, judging from her tone and the way her smile felt so empty. Gangut felt like she should ask Tashkent herself, but she doubted her Russian comrade would reveal anything.
Somewhere...
There's nothing but quiet everywhere. Arkhangelsk found it a bit of a hassle to save one mere human from other humans after that certain human. As much as dislikes tedious tasks, she is forced to take her "job" seriously no matter how she hates it. Even with a Glock 17 aimed right between her eyes, Arkhangelsk remains...unhinged. She didn't mind the possibility of Nelson pulling the trigger and putting a hole in her skull. She knows the British battleship is just intimidating her. Besides, a bullet to the head is no threat to an Abyssal like Arkhangelsk since she she can just regenerate.
"I did my job so I see no reason for you to be upset" Arkhangelsk crosses her arms
"You killed three people!"
"So? My task was to ensure Rikawa Isomi doesn't die...and that's what I did"
Nelson would have pulled the trigger if Arkhangelsk is never a shipgirl and part of the Royal navy. She doesn't understand why Warspite refuses to give up on her and still believes she could still be redeemed.
"I saw no reason why I should let them live. Besides, I did what I have to accomplish my task. Queen Elizabeth did gave me permission to do what I want, didn't she?"
Arkhangelsk made a point and this annoyed Nelson who is forced to lower her gun, seeing how Arkhangelsk doesn't fear a bullet to the head since Abyssals can regenerate while shipgirls can't/
"Nelson, you know very well how this world works. In this world, it's kill or be killed. You hesitate for one second...and you die"
Arkhangelsk has no qualms in killing humans who stands in her way and this is something Nelson is strongly against at. She disapproves of Arkhangelsk's merciless and cold blooded way of handling situations.
"If you're just here to scold me about killing again, then you're wasting your time" Arhangelsk stands up
"It's not just about that"
Nelson places the handgun on a nearby table before grabbing a chair and sitting near Arkhangelsk.
"Then what is it you want to talk about?"
A curious Arkhangelsk tilts her head left and right, acting in a carefree and somewhat childish manner. She teases the big seven battleship this way.
"The incident more than a week ago. You were there, weren't you?"
She thought someone like Nelson wouldn't know she was there when Fast battleship Princess rampaged. It seems she underestimated Nelson keeping an eye on her for the past few weeks.
"What about it?"
"You were there when it all happened. You witnessed the incident yourself"
When Nelson mentions the admiral who is Tirpitz, Arkhangelsk reacted in a suspicious manner. This slightest reaction alerted Nelson. She knows Arkhangelsk is hiding something important and that's why she wanted to directly get the answer from Arkhangelsk herself even if she knows Arkhangelsk is not that easy to talk to.
"During the investigation, both the investigator and the evidence were lost in a mysterious fire. Was it your doing?"
"Just because someone mysteriously died doesn't mean I did it. I don't kill people unless there's a good reason"
"..."
"I have nothing to do with it. Though I'm curious if she could be involved with it. One of hers has been busy lately"
Arkhangelsk looked up at the ceiling and suspected one person she know who could have done such a thing.
"Who are you talking about?"
"Isn't it obvious? Tirpitz, of course"
"The admiral? What's that supposed to mean?" Nelson angrily stands up
"Tirpitz might know something about it. She resorted to desperate measures during that incident. The last thing she wanted is everyone finding out she's not whom she seems"
"What?"
"I really can't tell because I have no full idea of what's actually happening, but it seems...your admiral isn't your admiral"
The real reason Arkhangelsk isn't being too direct with Nelson is because she doesn't want to interfere whatever Tirpitz is planning. She is curious herself, but the person she almost killed twice doesn't take unnecessary interventions too lightly.
"Just be direct already"
"You really didn't notice, huh. How oblivious are the shipgirls of Maizuru anyway? Even you didn't notice"
"Notice what?"
"..." Arkhangelsk stands up
"Where do you think you're going?"
"I don't have all day. I have a trip to Norway in a few days"
"You're going to Norway?"
Upon learning Arkhangelsk is going to Norway, Nelson grabbed Arkhangelsk's shoulder much to the latter's annoyance. She doesn't like most people touching her, but she can tolerate them if they are shipgirls she has a past with. If they're humans, then she should have broken their arms already.
"Yeah. What about it?"
"The admiral and a selected fleet, including me, are going to Norway in a few days" Nelson reveals
"Tirpitz's going to Norway too, huh. I never thought she wouldn't mind returning to where she met her end"
"For the record, the admiral is only going there because our fleet had to deal with Fast battleship Princess who has been sighted there"
"I see..."
Before Arkhangelsk can leave again, Nelson grabbed her wrist in order to stop her. The first was tolerable, but the second wasn't. She angrily pulled her hand away from Nelson's grab.
"Is there something I need to know, Arkhangelsk?"
"What do you mean?"
"You're been acting oddly lately for the past two weeks. Besides, you've been avoiding answering anything related to the incident at the facility"
"..."
"Did you discover something? If so, tell me...please"
"Go ask your admiral"
Arkhangelsk walks away, still refusing to reveal what she knows even if Nelson pleaded to her. Normally, she would reluctantly reveals what she has been hiding, but the situation is different. Arkhangelsk doesn't involve herself is situation that doesn't concern her. In this case, this is the Maizuru naval district's shipgirls problem and not hers. Besides, she knows "it" will have to end soon after her last conversation with Tirpitz a week ago. She wanted to know what she would go to this length.
They say I'm a horrible person, but you...you're even worse...
EXTRA
It's been more than a week since Operation Thunderstorm, but Central Princess seems displeased at the result. The Princess class Abyssals currently present, couldn't let out a word, afraid of the disappointment seething from the commanding ship of the fleet.
"One task. I gave you one task and you failed"
"I swear I don't know how it's possible!" Battleship Water Demon is surprised
"The fleet you encountered in that operation, none of them sunk..."
"That's not right. I sunk one of them because Dreadnought Princess is too soft to do so"
"Then how come there were no reported casualty?"
Battleship Water Demon is confused as to what Central Princess is talking about. She knows she sunk one of them during the battle. She couldn't have mistaken it since she dealt the finishing blow herself and saw the shipgirl sunk.
"Other than failing to sink a single pesky shipgirl, Dreadnought Princess ended up betraying and abandoning the fleet"
Another betrayal of an Abyssal upsets Central Princess as this happened a few times already. If she gets the chance to encounter those traitors, she would not hesitate to sink them the second she spots them. Central Princess doesn't take betrayal to the fleet lightly. Anyone who betrays the Abyssals fleet suffers horrible consequences.
"That battleship. I made sure she sunk back then. That's why it doesn't make sense all of them went home alive" Battleship Water Demon defended
She remembered aiming her main guns at the heavily damaged Bismarck while Donitz is unconscious and Tirpitz could barely move. She knows she didn't miss a single shot at such range...so it's impossible...for someone to escape death.
"Central Princess, I'm fully certain I sunk that damn battleship. I saw her sink right before my own eyes!"
"Then how come that battleship is still alive?!"
"..."
Battleship Water Demon has nothing else to say to defend herself. She doesn't know how such thing is possible. It frustrated her to think she failed at the task she thought she accomplished.
"You failed at eliminating one pesky shipgirl, so surely you won't fail eliminating one pesky Abyssal"
"...?" Battleship Water Demon raised her head
"The current rogue Abyssal is heading to the north, somewhere called Norway. I'll give you one simple task of sinking that traitor of an Abyssal. Surely you won't fail this time..."
"I won't! I won't let anyone stand in my way this time!" Battleship Water Demon stomped her feet
"Good. Because if you fail this simple task...there will be consequences"
The other Abyssals reacted in fear, knowing how Central Princess punishes intolerable failures. With how humanity is gaining the upper hand in the current state of the war, Central Princess is in worse mood than ever.
"Something isn't right indeed..."
After the others left, Harbor Princess finally speaks to Central Princess. The reason she stayed quiet the whole time is because it's a matter she wanted to speak with Central Princess in private.
"What do you mean?"
"It's impossible for Battleship Water Demon to miss sinking an easy prey. So no casualty...just doesn't make sense"
"..."
"Battleship Water Demon looked so certain she made sure she sunk that battleship that even I couldn't mistake it. Knowing her, she made sure her target sunk"
"But none of them sunk. That one battleship she said she sunk is still alive"
"Which battleship is it exactly?"
"I don't know who they exactly are. There are two of them wearing the almost same uniform. I think it was the older sister one who sunk"
"It's not easy to tell shipgirls apart sometimes. Specially the sister ships type"
To the Abyssals, they don't sometimes care about the shipgirl they are fighting. There are those who don't bother knowing the shipgirl they are fighting. All they care is sinking their primary enemy.
"I don't care about knowing puny shipgirls. Though there is only one shipgirl I care about knowing. That one shipgirl who fought and humiliated me a long time ago"
"The first shipgirl, huh. I heard she disappeared one day much like the first Abyssal"
"..."
"It must be annoying when your mortal enemy disappeared one day"
"If the first shipgirl is still alive, then I'll hunt her down wherever she is. I will make her pay for that humiliation a long time ago"
Central Princess definitely carried a deep grudge against "the first shipgirl" who is the only one in history who had ever defeated Central Princess...and shatter her pride by forcing her to run away from the fight.
"If it's about the first shipgirl, then the second shipgirl might know where she went after disappearing. Unfortunately, the second shipgirl is a very elusive one and the last time she appeared was ten years ago"
"Then I guess I'll have to hunt down the second one to make the first one come out"
"The humans in the North allied to us will prove to be useful. I think they call themselves the KGB"
"Then they can prove their use for once by tracking down the second shipgirl...after their failure of unable to control one artificial Abyssal"
Central Princess rested her back on her living and monstrous rigging that is silent growling. With the current situation, Central Princess has no reason to be in an active role when she can have the traitorous humans in Russia do the work for her since the second shipgirl is from Russia.
"I'm not surprised you still haven't forgotten about the first shipgirl. You're the type to carry deep grudges to the grave"
"That woman is the only shipgirl who humiliated me. That's why I will never forget that high and mighty face of hers!"
Her desire to sink the mysterious and still missing "first shipgirl" is too deep and severe that even Harbor Princess is genuinely terrified of her. What happened a long time ago is something Central Princess still refuses to accepted to this very day. She could never accept one shipgirl defeated her...and even forced her to retreat, damaging her pride as a result.