Sorry for the wait. I had a lot of trouble with this chapter.
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Chapter Four
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Raven had been like a completely different person during the latter half of the battle with Plasmus and Cinderblock. Just when Beast Boy had begun to worry about her absence she had reappeared next to Starfire and resumed combat with the monsters as if born anew. She had always been a great fighter, but it was more than just a second wind that she was displaying. She fought alongside Starfire flawlessly, weaving in and out of her attacks with deft precision and bringing the battle to an immediate and powerful close.
Now the team was heading back to the Tower: Cyborg and Robin were in the T-car while Starfire, Raven and Beast Boy flew ahead. The girls traveled side by side, holding a conversation that Beast Boy was definitely not a part of. After the battle Raven had said little, opting to simply nod at the compliments her teammates were giving her with a stern yet self-satisfied resolve. And before they had taken off for home she had cast Beast Boy a lingering and very apparent glare before rising into the air; a glare that didn't sit well with him. Maybe it had been the lighting or the shadows or the darkness of her hood, but it had made his spine crawl. Now she was conversing with Star and boxing him out.
A part of him was grateful for it; crashing into her during the fight had been awkward and strange and a little too intimate despite the circumstances. But another part of him was still a little hurt. The girls were completely ignoring him save for one moment when Raven leaned in close and whispered something to Starfire that made her glance back at Beast Boy with a thoroughly confused look on her face. At that moment he was glad he was a hawk; hawks couldn't blush.
So he was grateful when the Tower loomed up before them and the three were touching down on the rooftop. Him and Starfire landed gently on the cement, but Raven seeped right through the stone into a pool of her darkness, entering the Tower on her own. Beast Boy transformed back into himself and followed Star to the door that led inside. He wanted to say something cynical on behalf of Raven's inconsiderate abandonment, but nothing came to mind, so he remained silent.
"Are you hungry?" Star asked him as the two entered the main room. "Shall I begin cooking our lunch for the afternoon?"
"I'm not hungry," Beast Boy grumbled, throwing himself onto the sofa. "Maybe you should ask the bipolar warrior queen if she wants anything to eat." A long silence followed his words and he sighed. "I was talking about Raven," he said to the air. From the kitchen Star let out a long 'oh' of realization.
"You are calling her this because of how she was during the battle, yes?"
"Duh. Rae disappears long enough for me to get my ass handed to me trying to cover Robin, and then she shows up and takes down the monsters in thirty seconds. She couldn't have done that at the beginning of the fight?" He was admittedly bitter, but if it was because of the battle or because Raven had refused to talk to him afterwards he wasn't sure.
"I had wondered about that as well," Star said, pulling pots and pans out from the cupboards and setting them on the counter. "When we spoke she seemed…different. She was not herself at all."
"What, she wasn't moody and monotone?" he grumbled, grabbing at the remote and turning the television on. He knew he was complaining about Raven much more than he should have, but the way she had looked at him after he had landed on her was nagging at his brain. She had looked caught between shock and disgust, and the combination made Beast Boy feel unfairly guilty.
"She was speaking with strange sentences," Starfire said, tying her hair away from her face as she prepared to cook. "She said things that I have never heard Raven say before."
"Like what? 'Fantastic'?" he said, speaking in a high squeaky voice as he remembered Happy Raven and her vastly different choice of vocabulary.
"No," Star said, speaking with sincerity. "She was talking in what Robin taught me were riddles. Things with double meanings."
Beast Boy let out a sardonic 'hah'. "Are you sure she wasn't just being a jerk?"
"Raven was not being a jerk, but she was being not very nice. She seemed very upset about something." She turned on the fire on the stove, frowning. "She was upset with you."
"What?" He sat up straight and twisted around in his seat, outraged. "Upset with me? What the hell did I do?"
"She said that she was hungry and that it was your fault," she scolded, shaking her head at him but smiling all the same. "I do not know how that could be your fault, but that is not very nice, friend."
Beast Boy frowned profusely. "Okay, that doesn't make any sense at all. Raven said that it was my fault she was hungry?"
"Well, she did not say the word hungry," Starfire conceded, tapping her chin and thinking. "She worded her sentence differently, like I had told you. How was it again? She said 'I have been given a taste and, because of Beast Boy, I am ravenous'."
He could have sworn that, at that moment, all the green had drained from his face and his stomach felt like it had been dropped onto the floor. Beast Boy stared at Starfire, mouth agape and eyes wide, his mind reeling at hearing Raven's words—that Raven's words—coming out of Starfire's mouth. The alien just frowned at him, unnerved by the strangeness of his reaction.
"Are you sick?" she suddenly asked. "Your face has made me worried."
It took him a moment to regain his composure. When he felt he had control of his body again he shut his mouth before abruptly turning towards the television, hiding himself behind the sofa and out of sight. "I'm okay," he called out, his heart pounding in his chest. "Sorry, I just…. That was weird. I don't know."
"You do not know if you are sick?"
"No, I know I'm not sick."
"Then why did you look at me like that?"
"It's not you, it was just want you said-,"
"About Raven?"
"Yeah."
"You are concerned for Raven?"
"Yea—no, um, not for Raven—,"
"But you just said-,"
"Yeah, I know, but no."
"Know?"
"Yeah, no."
"Know what?"
"What?"
"You said 'know'."
"Yeah, I know."
"But what is it that you know?"
"Huh?"
"What is it that you know?"
"Wait, are you saying 'no' or 'know'?"
"Those are the same words, Beast Boy."
"No! I meant 'no' as in the opposite of 'yes' and 'know' as in 'I know things'."
There was a pause.
"I am confused," she admitted quietly. Beast Boy groaned audibly and covered his face with his hands.
"Yeah, me too."
Thankfully the main doors opened at that very moment and Robin and Cyborg strode in, both of them talking animatedly about confinement options for Plasmus. Starfire's attention immediately turned to them as she asked what Tamaranean meal they would most prefer to have for lunch. The interruption allowed Beast Boy to have his own mini freak-out without anyone noticing.
He immediately cursed Raven in his mind, screaming at her and hoping she could hear him in some weird, telepathic or empathic way. He would have never thought of her as irresponsible or reckless, but if what Starfire had said was true then there was no other way to describe Raven's decision-making skills.
Starved. Ravenous.
A transfer midway through combat…a transfer that had obviously gone wrong.
Beast Boy ran his hands through his hair, trying to understand the situation. Happy Raven had said that Bravery had taken over during training once before, and not a single one of the Titans had noticed. That was probably what the real Raven had intended to do for the battle, but then that logic begged two questions: why did she need a transfer and how the hell had it gone so wrong?
The way she had looked at him before they had left for the Tower…that chill he had felt when he looked into her eyes.
Welcome back crazy, cruel, sex-driven Depraved Raven.
Beast Boy looked up at the television, distressed. She had isolated herself as soon as they had returned to the Tower. All the Titans were here in the main room and she wasn't, meaning she wasn't searching for someone to mess with.
So then, what in the world was she doing right now?
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She seeped through the levels of the Tower and materialized soundlessly, landing lightly on carpeted floor. She flicked on the lights, illuminating the room she was in.
Not hers.
His.
She looked around, her eyes taking in the somewhat organized mess. A distant memory told her that he used to be more liberal with his chaos and that time had seen him slowly start to change. His desk was no longer piled with comic books, but with files and papers and books and portfolios. It would have been indistinguishable from Robin's workroom or Cyborg's lab save for the wooden marionette in his own likeness that served as a paperweight. The others had gotten rid of theirs. Her other self had destroyed her own thoroughly. He had been the only one to keep something that had once been used as a weapon against him.
He was sentimental, and she found it disgustingly pathetic.
She wandered over to his dresser and eyed the scatter of objects on its surface: an old gaming console, a cheap replica of a Batarang, a reflective, heart-shaped jewelry box and a tattered, leather-bound book. She picked up the book and stared at it, recognizing the title. This was one of Raven's. She thought a moment and remembered that, in a moment of camaraderie, he had asked to read it and she had handed it over.
Understanding. It ran deeply between them.
She tossed the book onto the floor unceremoniously and scanned her eyes around the room again, trying to see if there was something she overlooked. She had come here for one reason and for one reason only, but her search was not gleaning the answers she had hoped for.
She turned towards the bunk beds and eyed a pile of newly laundered and neatly folded clothes sitting atop the contradictory clutter of tumbled bed sheets on the bottom bunk. She lifted the edge of one of the blankets with the toe of her boot, making a face at the pattern of cartoon animals. Her other self would have found his lifestyle off-putting but somewhat endearing. She found it sad. But interesting.
Yet she still did not understand.
She picked up one of the folded shirts and let the fabric unfurl. It was simple, with a logo on the front that she didn't even bother to read. She held the fabric to her face and breathed deeply, letting the aroma of the detergent fill her nostrils. It didn't smell like him. She was disappointed.
She held up the shirt with one hand as her other unclasped her cloak and let it fall to the floor. She reached behind her easily and undid her uniform, slipping the Kevlar off her shoulders and letting it join her cloak on the floor. Without thinking too long about it, she slipped the shirt over her head and let the fabric slide over her body, immediately delighting in its difference from the skintight costume her other self insisted on wearing. It was terribly loose on her, much more so than she had initially thought, and it suddenly excited her. The neckline draped low on her clavicle and the hem hung almost to her thighs, betraying his height and his girth. Whatever indifference she had felt towards him a moment ago was instantly washed away the moment she had slipped into his clothes. Was it always this intoxicating to feel his fabric on her skin? These clothes were newly washed, retained none of the nighttime scent that clung to his body, and yet she delighted in the idea of wearing things that belonged to him. The feeling trickled through her veins, sparking curiosity in more places than just her mind.
Interesting.
She had come into Beast Boy's room for one reason and one reason alone: she wanted to know why her other self had chosen him, of all people, to feel for.
During the battle with the creatures he had touched her—landed on her—and it had sent such a tremor of emotion through Raven that it had awoken her once more. The potency of his contact alone had fueled her influence and broken the reins of control Raven had on her powers, thus forcing the Titan to open the gateways of her mind midway through combat. And without the mirror, Raven's accuracy of pinpointing her fragmented psyche was extremely poor, which allowed her to slip past Bravery and assume control.
She caressed the shirt over her body, reveling in the sensation.
All thanks to Beast Boy.
So much had been going through Raven's mind when she had looked at Beast Boy. A mere déjà vu of what had occurred with him when she was locked away in her own mindscape had sent her into a panic. Such trivial things, and they were exactly what she needed to know.
For she was Depravity. She wasSexuality. She was Impulse. She was a culmination of the most basic human hungers and she was starving…but momentary satisfaction was petty at this point. She wanted more. Much more.
She could find satisfaction in any one of the Titans, but Beast Boy would be more than just satisfaction. The hunger she felt for him was deep-seeded and long standing; an inevitability for both her and her other self. Beast Boy was special. She wanted him, yes, but he was more than just a means to an end. He was a key to a new beginning, and an end to an eternity of confinement. The answer to her wanting….
But to just take him, or to simply present her self to be seized upon, was far too degrading in its simplicity. Whatever her desires, she was not common, and she would not be satisfied in any common way. Years of being deprived had made her greedy, and she wanted her greed to be fed with vigor.
She needed Beast Boy to want her, to obsess over her, to yearn for her so much that it hurt. She wanted him driven mad by his desires to the point of submission…and she wanted her other self to be pushed so far to the edge by the onslaught of emotion and attention that she would crack altogether; shatter from Beast Boy's wanting and be left weak and powerless. It would be the end of that Raven, and a new one would be born from the rubble. It would be the chance for the old Raven to be locked away and for a new Raven to surface and take full command of this body and all its powers.
She sat down on the edge of the bed, running her palms along the array of sheets.
Break.
She needed Raven to break.
She needed Beast Boy to break.
And, in all sense and purposes, she needed them to break each other.
She glanced down at her uniform lying on the floor, reaching a hand beneath the shirt she now wore.
She smiled.
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As the argument in the kitchen continued over who was going to make lunch and who should leave the alien dishes for alien beings, Beast Boy sat hunched over on the sofa, his mind scattered and his resolve split. He couldn't get Raven out of his thoughts, and his intentions were heading in way too many directions.
A part of him wanted to hide somewhere in the Tower, hoping to steer clear of the lunatic running around in his friend's body altogether. He was really in no mood to have her tear him down with insults again, nor was he eager to be on the bad side of her explosive temper and unpredictable use of her powers.
But another part of him wanted to jump into action and find Depraved Raven before she would do something regrettable; be the good friend that he had always tried to be with her and protect her. What if she wasn't even in the Tower anymore? What if she was out and about in the city, doing who knew what?
He pulled out his communicator and hit the locater button on the GPS system. It showed all five of the team, each one of their blinking dots showing that they were all in the Tower. At least she wasn't running amuck in the city, so if he wanted to find her to restrain her then he wouldn't have to go far.
Beast Boy felt a lump form in his throat.
Then there was another part of him—a dark part that he was trying to pretend didn't exist—that wanted to find her simply to just…find her.
To see what she would do.
To him.
Again.
His face heated at the thought and Beast Boy quickly dismissed the idea, embarrassed that he had the audacity to think of such a thing in a room with his friends present. Granted, it wasn't as though they could hear is thoughts, but it was embarrassing all the same.
"All right, all right," Starfire was saying from the kitchen. "I will not cook a traditional Tamaranean dish. Are you happy now?" She sounded very much put off as she tossed her oven mitt onto the counter.
"It's not that we don't want you to cook, Star. We were just thinking we'd make Raven's favorite foods, since she did kind of saved the day," Cyborg explained. Starfire sighed but seemed to agree with that sentiment.
"Oh. Well, yes, I do agree that she deserves praise for her actions." Her sullenness alleviated almost instantly and she smiled. "And yes, Cyborg is the best at cooking Raven's favorite foods. I will be your helper then, Cyborg. Together we shall make her a most wonderful meal!"
"Awesome," Cy replied, sounding none too pleased about the arrangement, and for good reason. Starfire had a bad habit of 'adding' things to perfectly normal dishes. "Hey BB, want to lend a hand in here?"
Beast Boy groaned out loud. Food was the least of his worries at the moment, and the discussion behind him was starting to get on his nerves. "Uh, can you ask Robin to help? I kind of…I haven't been feeling too great…."
"Rob went to check on Rae," Cyborg said, opening the fridge. "Come on dude, quit being lazy-,"
"Robin went where?" Beast Boy had jumped to his feet and turned to face his friends. In the kitchen the two Titans both stopped what they were doing to stare at him, their expressions confused.
"Yeah man. He left, like, five minutes ago. Didn't you notice—…where are you going?" Cyborg demanded. Beast Boy ignored him as he leapt over the back of the sofa, raced across the room and went flying through the sliding open doors in pursuit of Robin, not even gracing his friends with an explanation. A single burst of determination had thrown him into action where all other reasoning had failed: Do not let Robin find Depraved Raven.
Although if it was because of worry, loyalty or plain, green-eyed envy he couldn't quite tell.
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"Nunc Lento Sonitu Dicunt…Novo."
Raven woke calmly, breathing in and opening her eyes to fluorescent light flooding her vision. She blinked lazily and sighed, letting her mind fully reawaken before she tried to figure out her surroundings.
She was in her room, safe on her bed and her body felt strong and in tact. Relief washed over her. Cinderblock and Plamus must have been defeated. Her body and mind had made it safely back to Titans Tower. Everything had turned out okay.
When she had relinquished her hold during the battle she had done so with a taint of fear underlying her meditation. A strange undertone had caught her attention during the transfer, and it had kept her worried during her time in the mindscape. What if Bravery had taken advantage? What if, when Raven came to, she was lying in an alleyway with no recollection of how she had gotten there and under what circumstances? What if the transfer had failed midway through the battle and Raven was thrust back into consciousness while taking a hit from Cinderblock? What if she had never regained control at all?
Such thoughts had been her companions until now, when perspective had thrown everything into order. She was awake. She was alive. She raised her hand up to her face and wiggled her fingers. They moved at her command. She was okay.
Smiling to herself she stretched her arms over her head, arching her back as she settled back into herself. Her body moved freely, although a strange, airy sensation played over her skin. She frowned, looking down and plucking at her clothes. The relief drained from her face. She wasn't wearing her uniform. She was wearing an oversized t-shirt with the symbol of the Doom Patrol on the front, worn away from years of washing and wearing. She stared at the symbol, almost not believing what she was looking at. Doom Patrol.
She was wearing Beast Boy's shirt.
Raven sat bolt upright in the bed and fully came to understand why she felt so suddenly free and uninhibited. A blush heated her skin and her heart started pounding. She was wearing Beast Boy's shirt and only Beast Boy's shirt. Nothing else.
Absolutely nothing else.
She snatched at the edges of her blankets and hugged them around her body, her grip tight as panic coursed through her veins. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to force herself to recall memories that she hadn't experienced.
Where had her clothes gone? Had she lost them before she made it to her room or after? What exactly had happened?
She tried to concentrate, tried to force herself to think of things that might trigger a connection: returning to the Tower, coming to her room, climbing out of her uniform…even speaking to Beast Boy. Nothing helped. Those memories were locked away, and it would take hours for her to sift through her mind to find them. The last thing she could remember was being on the rooftop as she prepared to meditate. Beyond that, nothing.
Her heart threatened to explode from her chest and the candles around her room began to melt rapidly one by one, the wax dripping from their sconces and solidifying into pasty icicles. Raven forced herself to take a deep breath and regain control of her composure.
"Azarath. Metrion. Zinthos. Azarath. Metrion. Zinthos."
She had to repeat her incantation four more times before she could feel herself reestablish control. The number did nothing to comfort her already rattled nerves. She shifted in the bed and jumped at the feel of her bedclothes against her exposed lower half. Even though she was alone in her own room she couldn't help but feel exposed and humiliated. She wasn't like Starfire or Beast Boy or even Robin who felt comfortable in their own bodies. It was why she confided in Cyborg the most, for he too shared her uneasiness about being in his own skin.
So to wake up and find herself naked save for a shirt that wasn't even hers…she didn't know if there was a crueler fate.
Two hard knocks at her door echoed through her room and made her cry out in surprise. If she hadn't just harnessed her powers into her control she was sure something would have exploded violently.
"Raven?" Robin called out from the hallway. Her already flushed face burned at the sound of his voice and she hugged her sheets even tighter around her body. Why did it have to be him? Why did it have to be one of the boys? Couldn't Starfire have been the one to check up on her?
She internally berated the girl for her lack of telepathic understanding.
"I'm meditating," she called out, hoping that putting irritation in her voice would make him go away. "Did you need something?"
"Just wondering what you're up to. Starfire and Cyborg are making a meal in your honor."
"Great," she said, glad to hear her own token sarcasm make its way into her voice. "I'll…be down in a little bit."
There was a pause before Robin spoke up again. "Are you okay in there?" he asked. She gripped her blankets even tighter.
"Yes. Why?"
"I don't know. You sound a little flustered. Uneasy."
Raven made a face at the door. Damn his annoying detective skills.
Raven forced herself to take a deep breath to hide her anxiety, to cover the fact that she was panicking over her missing clothes and unknown actions. If only he would go away, then she wouldn't have to deal with this added embarrassment on top of her already shaky resolve, and then maybe she could figure out what had happened to her and settle herself before the other Titans came looking for her too, wondering why she wasn't joining in on a meal they were making in her honor—
A few of her books jetted out from their shelves, zooming across the room at top speeds and bombarding the opposite wall. Raven silently cursed herself for letting her mind rant and her powers run free. What was wrong with her?
"Whoa, what was that?" Robin called from the other side of the door. "Raven? Raven?" He knocked against the door again. "Can I come in?"
"No!" She quickly raised her hand towards the door and her dark magic encompassed the edges. She wasn't worried about him beating the thing down, but Robin was fully capable of overriding the lock systems on the rooms. It wasn't his style to ever invade any of their privacy unwarranted, especially hers, but if his leader instincts were strong enough he would have no hesitation barging in.
"I'm fine, I promise," she said, trying to make herself sound agitated with his presence. "I was tired from the fight, I'm trying to recollect myself and you're interrupting. I would like to be left alone, if that's okay with you." She hated being snippy with him, especially him, but having a conversation with Robin through her closed door while she was less than clothed on the other side was not something she wanted to do for another minute.
A few seconds of silence stretched out between them before Robin patted the metal as a sign of surrender.
"All right. I was just worried," he said. She cringed at the sullen way he said it.
"I know. Thanks."
There was some movement outside as he prepared to leave, but then it stopped momentarily. "You know," he called out, "I wouldn't have come in without your consent. You didn't have to hold the door closed with your powers."
Raven dropped her hand and scowled at the door, blushing again.
Damn annoying detective skills.
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Beast Boy jogged frantically down the hallways, hoping he'd catch Robin before he actually found Raven. She could have been in her room, she could have not been. He hoped that wherever she was, she wouldn't be easily found.
He descended the stairs to the floor that held their rooms and sprinted past Cyborg's, Starfire's and his own. He would have kept on down the hallway if his opened door hadn't caught his eye. He stopped partway down the corridor and turned around, staring at his door.
He had closed it that morning.
The thought of leaving it open nagged at his brain, so he rushed back to quickly shut it before going after Robin once more. But just as he hit the button that would force the sliding door closed he caught a glimpse of something on the floor of his room that made him stop and double take. Beast Boy frowned and stepped into his room, staring at the floor with a furrowed brow.
Raven's cloak.
He looked up and around at his room. Had she been here? And where was she now?
He reached down and picked it up, wondering why she had left it behind. As he lifted the lightweight fabric in his hands a few other garments tumbled out from its folds, landing on his feet in a small pile. Beast Boy glanced down at them and felt his eyes widen and nearly all thought escape his brain. If the Tower had been attacked at that very moment by every villain they had ever faced, he was almost certain he still wouldn't have reacted in any way, shape or form.
Because if Raven's cloak, leotard and undergarments were sitting at his feet, then what on earth was she wearing now?
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