A/N: My apologies everyone. April was a very, very, very busy month for me and I had virtually no time to just sit and open up this story, let alone update it. And on top of all that my poor, seven-year-old MacBook is starting to break down, so keeping it running long enough to write has been a battle unto itself. Anyway, here's the next chapter. Thank you guys for waiting and I'll try to get the next one up much sooner.
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Chapter 7
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When Beast Boy came down for breakfast that morning Raven greeted him with what he took as a chilly resolve. She just shrugged when he asked how she had slept and settled herself at the table next to Kid Flash with a cup of coffee and a meager plate of eggs. Beast Boy tried not to glare when the speedster leaned over and began engaging her in conversation.
"Training today," Cyborg said to him as he carried a huge plate of bacon over to the table. "Out on the field. KF wants to see how we train." He grinned. "He had a long talk with Robin last night too. Could be that he's thinking of joining us here in Jump City."
"Awesome," Beast Boy grumbled, glaring at Raven and Kid Flash conversing as he grabbed a plate. He turned away before Cyborg could ask about his grumpy countenance.
He knew it wasn't in his place to be annoyed with either of them. It was ridiculous to resent KF at all, and Raven wasn't purposefully ignoring him, she was just being Raven.
It was his dreams that had put her in his reach. Not reality.
He had to remember that.
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Raven usually enjoyed Kid Flash's company and relished in his intellectual understanding of science, but today she was just going through the motions, giving only half her attention as he spoke to her at breakfast. The rest of her mind wandered elsewhere.
She was starting to worry about herself.
It had been the third time in less than a week that she had woken up in a strange position without any recollection of what had happened prior. She wasn't a fan of mysteries, and she was less enthused about ones that involved her.
As KF took a sip of coffee Raven touched her fingers to her temple, trying to use her healing touch to soothe the dull throbbing against her skull. She felt as if she'd been up all night and her head resented the day.
Sleep. She needed more sleep.
But if she slept who knew how she would wake up? Or where? Or in what condition?
The possibilities frightened her.
Not to mention the dreams.
Raven discreetly looked towards the kitchen at Beast Boy before quickly dropping her gaze once more. He had been staring right at her. She sighed.
She wanted to meditate to calm her body into a definitive sleep, but that was out of the question.
She would have to find another way to force her body into a heavy, unwavering slumber.
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Starfire finished her training course with a flourish, using a combination of her starbolts and her alien strength to massacre the shooting consoles that sprang from the ground. Everyone watched from the control deck, all of them applauding her display.
Except for Raven.
She had spent the time watching her red-haired friend very carefully, studying her tactics and, more importantly, studying her obstacle course. Cyborg had programmed the courses to be specific for each member of the team, making sure they were the most challenging for each individual and their powers. Everyone had their own program.
"Just under ten minutes," Cyborg said, reading off Starfire's stats as she flew over and settled down with the group. "You shaved off a good thirty seconds from the last time you took this course. Nice work!" Star thanked him sweetly and grinned when Robin gave her an approving head nod. "All right Rae, your turn. Your record stands at nine minutes and eighteen seconds on level twelve of your program. Do you want to up the level or go for a shorter-,"
"I want Starfire's course," Raven said. Everyone turned to look at her, surprised. From Cyborg's other side she noticed Beast Boy's piercing stare and tried her best not to look at him. "I want Starfire's last course. Please." He friends exchanged looks. Cyborg frowned prominently at her.
"Raven," Robin started, leaning against the control panel and crossing his arms. "You know that mixing courses has never been a good idea, and even then, I don't think Star's course is for you. It's more-,"
"This is not a discussion and I didn't ask for your opinion," she said firmly, and an odd silence fell over the group. Raven rarely spoke so condescendingly to Robin. "Do it."
From the other side of the control deck Beast Boy glared at her in silence, but Cyborg just shrugged, although the set of his mouth was disapproving.
"You got it, Rae," he said, and began typing in the codes to reset the obstacles.
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It was a hard course for Raven.
An extremely hard course for Raven.
It wasn't in her style to blow things up and tear them apart, mainly because it required her to put a little bit of her soul-self into an object and then rip it apart. But Star's course required a lot of things to be blown up or torn down, and the process made Raven's body ache.
But it was what she had wanted.
It was exhausting work, weaving in and out of things, throwing out her powers with focused determination and forcing the objects in her path to fall into pieces. In almost hurt her when she would reduce rocks and projectiles into debris. She could feel every crack she made, every abrasion, every minute fissure; and each one drained her of energy, turned her into a systematic and drone-like fighter.
Exactly like she had wanted.
She wanted to be completely sapped of every last ounce of force and will in her. She wanted to, quite literally, be empty. To have nothing left. To feel nothing else other than pain.
And, judging by the amount of hits she was taking, that would most likely be a solid guarantee.
By the time she got to the shooters she was at her limit. Her cloak was irreparably torn, her collarbone was bruised, she was sure there were a few fractures in her ribcage and she was doing her best to hide the six inch gash on her inner thigh from her teammates. As the consoles rose for the attack she pulled in a deep breath and lifted in the air to meet them. Raven had just enough left in her to encase three of them in her darkness and, with a screaming effort roaring from her lips, tear through the steel as if it were paper and send the shattered remains flying out into the bay. The move was brilliant, sure, but highly unnecessary. The exposed wires and frayed circuitry sparked together and a not so small fire began to spread throughout the course.
Raven just collapsed onto her hands and knees, her chest shuddering with the pain of breath. The air around her started to smell like smoke and she breathed it deeply into her lungs.
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Raven was aware that her teammates were less than thrilled with her seemingly self-destructive actions. She heard them rushing out onto the field and knew that her heaving and crumpled figure did nothing to ease their concern. Kid Flash got to her first, reaching out and trying to help her to her feet, but just as she took hold of his arm he was shoved out of the way and Beast Boy was standing there, his face twisted in anger. From his expression she expected him to scream at her, to yell, to call her a million different versions of stupid and tell her that she had a lot of hypocrisy if she ever dared call him reckless and irresponsible ever again.
He did none of those things.
Instead he scooped her easily into his arms, cradling her to his chest with a surprising amount of gentleness. She heard Robin telling him to take her to the infirmary and that Cyborg would follow as soon as he could. She heard Kid Flash say he should be the one to take her to the infirmary because he was the fastest, but no, he was needed down here to help keep the fire in check before it devoured the island. Beast Boy had grunted that he was perfectly capable of getting her to the infirmary in a hasty manner and his hold on her became instantly possessive.
Raven remained silent as Beast Boy carried her back into the Tower. He held her high enough so that her head rested against the side of his own, her forehead leaning into his cheek. Her tired mind fleetingly noted that, oddly, she didn't mind this closeness.
It was not sexual. It was comforting.
When they were in the elevator and heading up to the twelfth floor Beast Boy let her sit on the floor, leaning her gently against the shuddering wall. He knelt beside her and looked at her face, his fingers barely grazing over her swelling black eye. She felt heavy and fatigued.
Good.
"That was stupid," he said to her, his voice hard and his expression grave.
She said nothing in response.
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Beast Boy walked as fast as he could to the infirmary without jostling Raven too much. A dark and foreboding bruise was forming along her collarbone, visible through the torn fabric of her leotard. He hoped it didn't reach all the way down into the bone itself.
When he got into the infirmary he kicked the doors open and laid her on the nearest bed before grabbing a first aid kit and a few icepacks from the fridge. He could feel her eyes follow his movements as he prepared, unabashedly staring at him when he sat along the edge of the bed and opened the kit.
"Did you have a death wish or something?" he asked, shaking his head. "You could have thrown up more shields rather than break more things."
"It's not that bad," she said, even though she knew it was a lie. He scowled.
"You're bleeding everywhere," he said. He appraised the cuts on her legs, her arms, her neck, her face. Most were shallow. One was deep. Thankfully, none were anywhere near being lethal, although the wound in her thigh was thoroughly disgusting. "Why aren't you healing yourself?"
"Nothing left to heal with," she said in a raspy voice, forcing herself to sit up against the pillows. He huffed out an agitated breath and grabbed a swab and the rubbing alcohol.
"This will hurt," he warned her.
"No, it won't," she said.
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It did, but not enough for her to react to it.
There were far more alarming things for her to focus on.
Because the whole reason she had pulled her idiotic stunt with Starfire's course, the whole purpose for doing something so dangerous, was because she had wanted to drain her body to the point where she didn't have energy to feel anything…
…most of all feel anything for him.
But.
She was.
Although….
He carefully unclasped her ruined cloak and tossed it aside before quietly getting to work on her face. His eyes were concentrated, focused, and his fingers worked fervently, dabbing at her wounds with shaky determination.
He shifted closer on the bed to focus on her neck, wiping away the dirt with a damp cloth before giving a small warning as he applied the alcohol. His breath tickled her skin. His hands sparked every nerve in her body.
The closeness. The proximity. The basest part of her mind couldn't help but think of it as sexual. But the rest of her couldn't help but still find it comforting. She was flooded with gratitude because he didn't have to tend to her; that was Cyborg's job. Yet here he was, his face fixed in resolute concern as he stemmed the small flow of blood from a gash below her jawline.
It wasn't as if she hadn't felt appreciation for him before; she had. But this time was different.
Appreciation mixed with her desire. Before, the two feelings had been fervently isolated from one another. Now it was hard for her to distinguish between the two.
It confused her.
And Raven didn't like feeling confused.
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He did his best not to get too intimate with her, but it was hard. The animalistic, protective nature inside of him had been howling from the moment she stepped onto the training field. It was one thing to see her beaten by villains and opponents: those were occupational hazards. It was a completely different story when she was unnecessarily putting herself through a pounding. Every hit she took had made him angry for unknown reasons, and when Robin had commanded him to take her in he had been more than happy to oblige.
Now, seeing her up close in all her battered glory, he was grateful that she was at least conscious and more than capable of surviving the ordeal. It made him want to hold her in his arms, to cradle her face to his chest and have her fall asleep in his lap where he could be sure to keep her safe. The flood of intimacy was jarring, and try as he might to keep his hands on their work it was difficult to not succumb to his own personal gratitude.
So it had actually been a godsend when Cyborg came striding into the infirmary just as Raven's hair fell forward and Beast Boy once again automatically brushed it back, his fingertips raking through her hair unnecessarily. She stiffened beneath his touch and his stomach jumped into his throat just as the doors slid open and Cyborg began barking out commands, forcing Beast Boy to rapidly withdraw his hand and get the IV drip that his friend was demanding of him.
"I don't need the fanfare," Raven said darkly, although there was a lingering quiver to her voice from the awkward moment. "In a few hours I'll be rested enough to heal myself."
"Sure," Cy said, clipping the heart monitor to her index finger and activating his bio-scanner. "And after everything that's happened I'm going to listen to you? Thanks BB," he added, grabbing the IV from Beast Boy. "Are you heading back out there?" He grinned. "Or do you want to stay here and play nurse to Raven-,"
"You've got this," Beast Boy interrupted, turning away so that neither of them could see the blush creeping onto his face. "I'll…um. I'll go help Robin." He had just passed through the open doors when he heard Raven feebly call out to him.
"Thank you," she said. She sounded unsure, hesitant and weak, although he was fairly certain it wasn't because she was injured so much as confused as to why she was saying what she was saying.
"Of course," he called back, and then left in a hurry.
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When Cyborg was done with her Raven's torso was bound tightly, her cuts and gashes were all bandaged up and she had stitches cooling beneath an icepack on her thigh. It wasn't as good as when she healed herself, but it was definitely an improvement to how she had been feeling on the training course.
The patching up hadn't been without its consequences, though. Cyborg took the entire time to thoroughly lecture her on the recklessness of her actions, telling her precisely how surprised he was that she could make such poor judgment. He continually repeated his bafflement at her purpose for the whole debacle until she finally shut him up with her one curt explanation.
"I haven't been sleeping well," she said, irritation having infested her tone from his continuous berating. "I thought if I was spent then I could sleep without interruption."
Cyborg's hand faltered on his clipboard. He looked over and met Raven's eyes.
"There are better ways to rest than to kill yourself," he said lowly, but his demeanor softened considerably. He hung the clipboard on the rail of her bed and strode over to his computer.
"Your age-old suggestion of Valerian root won't help me rest, Cyborg," she said in a deadpan voice. "My biology won't succumb to something so weak. I need-,"
"I wasn't talking about Valerian root," he interrupted, rolling his eyes. "I just meant you didn't have to go throw yourself in front of a bunch of lasers just so you can sleep."
"You're being extremely hypocritical for someone who let me run Starfire's course."
Cyborg huffed. "If it had been my choice you wouldn't have."
"You act as if you had put up a fight. As I recall, my way was pretty clear to the beginning of the course. And you were the one who reset the program."
"Are you kidding me? How pissed off do you get when any of use try to change your mind about anything?"
"You could have hit the emergency reset button anytime," she softly, eyeing him as he tapped away at his computer. "You could have shut down the program in less than a second if you wanted to, but you didn't. You let me run it."
His lips pursed together in a strained line and he frowned at his screen, his fingers working endlessly over the keys. "I have this tendency to trust you," he answered evenly. "I figured that, even though you were getting tossed around like a rag doll, there was a good reason behind it."
A pause followed his words. He continued to tap away at his keyboard. Raven shifted in her bed, trying to make her sore back more comfortable.
"I know it doesn't hold much credit right now, but thank you," she said. He turned his head to look at her and she saw his eyes take the image of her in.
"Yeah," he grumbled before turning back to his screen. "That holds no credit at all."
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When Beast Boy arrived back at the training field Starfire and Kid Flash were putting out the last of the sparse flames while Robin stood on the control deck, typing in codes and shutting down the system for rebooting. Beast Boy joined him there.
"Is Cyborg with Raven?" he asked, his masked eyes glued to the screens flickering with warning signs. Beast Boy nodded even though he didn't see.
"Yeah. What's going on here? I thought we only had to worry about the fire."
"Raven's last attack did more than take the shooters out and burn down half the island," Robin said, a definite edge to his words. "She exuded so much power in her last move that she fried the hard drive completely. I'm trying to shut the last of it down before every piece of offensive training equipment we have starts attacking us."
"Well, that doesn't sound very good," Beast Boy said sarcastically.
"No, it's not. And it's not easy either."
"So why isn't Cyborg taking care of it?"
"We need him to take care of Raven. I told him that I want her stable and sleeping so we can get this place back in order without her powers fluctuating and causing more trouble." He shook his head absently at that point. "I don't understand what's gotten into her today. Beating herself into the ground is one thing; in a weird, twisted way I can relate to that. But precariously unleashing her powers? It's not like her to disregard focus for brute force."
"Yeah, I know."
"And she argued with me," he went on, grumbling his complaints as he worked. Beast Boy furrowed his brow at him. "She never argues with me."
"Yes she does."
"Rarely."
"You two don't always have to agree on everything."
"We're usually on the same wavelength. Today she just seemed really off-,"
"Well, it's Raven," Beast Boy interrupted rudely. "She can have an opinion different from yours." He was getting fed up with Robin's insistence that he had a special understanding with Raven, even though everyone knew it was true. It was just that, at that moment, the thought of Raven and Robin having any sort of connection beyond being a part of the same superhero team made Beast Boy ring with jealousy.
"I'm just glad she's alive and with Cyborg," Robin responded, offering a momentary sidelong glance at his agitated companion. Beast Boy ran a hand through his hair and turned to where Starfire and Kid Flash were.
"I think I'm going to help with the hard labor," he said. Robin just nodded.
"Sure. Thanks."
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"Can you give me something?" Raven asked, rolling her head along the pillows as she tried to get comfortable. "To help me sleep?" Cyborg frowned.
"Like what?"
"Like something that's far from Valerian root."
"How far?"
"Very far."
Cyborg continued to tap away at his computer, logging in his assessments into Raven's file. His expression darkened as he stared at the screen. "You want me to drug you?"
"Yes," she said, sighing deeply.
"That's an unusual request. You're usually against that kind of stuff."
"I just never saw the purpose for any of it. Now I do."
He gave her a skeptical glance. "You'd have to be disciplined about it. You're powers are used to healing you automatically, and having a foreign chemical in there would be the equivalent of having a foreign disease. You have to make sure you don't nuke out the effect."
She closed her eyes and sighed. "I won't. I can't. I spent all my energy out there for a reason. Now I just need a little help getting to the finish line."
After a long hesitation Cyborg got up from his seat and went to one of the steel cupboards, grabbing the supplies he needed. Raven watched as he silently filled a syringe with a clear liquid and tapped it with practiced, mechanical hands. He strode over to her IV drip and looked down at her.
"This is the only thing that will affect you, but it's very strong. You'll feel numb. Are you okay with that?"
She really wasn't. One of her biggest qualms about westernized medicine were the side effects the drugs induced, and Raven was not keen in feeling so detached from her body. For someone who dedicated most of their focus to knowing themselves inside and out, the numbing experience of drugs never held any desirable attributes. Cyborg knew this, which was why se was grateful for his hesitation even if it was unnecessary.
"It's okay," she said, remembering the dull fright she had felt when she woke up on the floor of her room. "I'll deal."
"All right." He fitted the needle into the base of the bag and slowly injected the serum into her drip. It took a while for her to feel it, but when she did it was overwhelming to her receptive body. She could practically feel every molecule entering through her arm. She shuddered.
"You'll knock out in a few minutes," Cyborg said, throwing the empty syringe away. "Just so long as you don't fight it."
"Stay with me," she said. She knew it was a strange request coming from her, but she didn't care. "Please. If you have to leave have someone come in your place." Her eyelids started to feel heavy and Cyborg remained silent. "I can't feel my body," she said, her words slurring. "I don't want to…be alone when…when I'm like this."
I'm scared.
She was thinking it but she didn't want to say it. She hoped he would just understand. He did.
"Of course," he said. His voice started to grow faint in her ears. "We're all here for you, Rae."
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It took majority of the day to settle things on the training field. By the time Robin had the system under his control it was past five in the afternoon and Starfire, Kid Flash and Beast Boy were thoroughly exhausted from all the heavy lifting. They trudged into the Tower covered in grime and sweat, and Star parted from the group in a hasty need of a shower.
The boys decided food was far more important than cleanliness, (they had ended up skipping lunch after all), and they made a beeline for the kitchen. They were all settled at the counter chatting and eating by the time Cyborg finally joined them. KF asked if Raven was okay and the Titan offered a solemn head nod.
"She's fine, but I had to drug her to get her to sleep."
"Raven doesn't like drugs," Beast Boy said, swirling his spoon around in his soup. His best friend shrugged but offered up the conversation he had had with Raven in the infirmary, explaining the situation.
"And apparently the serum is working," he concluded, raiding the fridge. "I've been up there for hours running diagnostics on her and she's been asleep the whole time."
"Hours?" Kid Flash asked, making a face at the tediousness of the action. Cyborg nodded.
"She's got a complex biology, just like Star and BB. It takes time to analyze it all, and it was worth the effort. Her brain is utilizing an alarming amount of epinephrine, more so than usual."
"That can't be good," Robin commented, frowning. He noticed Beast Boy's curious look. "The adrenaline hormone," he explained
"Stress," Cyborg interjected. "Rae is experiencing a lot of stress. Not to mention her unusually timid behavior. Never knew her to be afraid of being left alone."
"She's starting to worry me. So who's with her now?" Robin asked.
"Star. She came up to check on us a while ago and offered to take my post while I grabbed some food. I hadn't even realized how late it had gotten."
"She has to be hungry too," Robin mused out loud. "When we're done here one of us should go trade places with her." Beast Boy tried to fix his eyes on his bowl, waiting to see if anyone would take the slot before he jumped at the chance. He didn't want to seem too anxious to see Raven.
"I'd gladly do it, but tonight is the last night I can sift through your database for information on the Hive," Kid Flash explained.
"And I have to make a call to Gotham tonight," Robin mumbled. He turned to Beast Boy. "Do you mind?" he asked. Beast Boy saw Cyborg try to hide a knowing smirk but he ignored him. He just nodded.
"Sure. I don't mind."
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He took the time to shower and redress before he went to relieve Starfire of her post. He didn't think smelling like sweat and fire was very attractive in any sense.
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"She has been very still," Star said, standing next to Raven's bed. "I do not think it is natural to be so still when one is sleeping."
"It's the drug Cy gave her. Her body is numb," Beast Boy tried to explain, although he had to agree that Raven's stillness was closer to death than slumber. Star shook her head, her expression worried.
"I do not like this," she said out loud. "Raven must be having very bad nights if she has resorted to the drugging."
Beast Boy just nodded.
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The room was quiet after Starfire left.
He watched Raven as she slept.
He sat next to her, leaning back in his chair, watching her intently as she slumbered in the bed.
And he knew that, even though Starfire had been doing it moments before, the way he did it was different.
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He fell asleep after an hour of watching her, his feet propped up on the empty bed and his arms crossed over his chest. His head lolled to the side a few times before he finally lost consciousness.
As he slept he dreamt.
About Raven. Again.
But this time it was different.
It started off a little mundane: he was dreaming about himself sleeping. He could even feel the rigid infirmary chair beneath him, the cushion high quality but not nearly abundant enough to make it a comfortable place to pass out. His neck was stiff and his joints were sore, what with the day catching up to him and all, but he continued to sleep.
Then he dreamt of cold fingers brushing the hair on his forehead and he opened his eyes and leaned his head back. He blinked groggily into a face bent over his, framed in fluorescent light. A familiar silhouette. He reached up.
"Raven," he said, touching her cheek. She nodded.
She tilted her head to the side and spared her face from the shadows, revealing to him an unmarred visage and a lopsided grin. There were no gashes on her skin, no bruises, no scrapes. It made him feel better about a lot of things.
Her lips started to move but he couldn't hear her words. She tucked her hair behind her ear and looked over her shoulder, still talking. He vaguely wondered to whom she was speaking too.
Vaguely.
But then she walked around the back of the chair to his front and he sat up to watch her. Without a word she uncrossed his arms and straddled his lap, pulling herself close. His hands found her waist and he looked up at her, automatically kissing her gently beneath her chin. She was looking over his shoulder again and was speaking, but he didn't care to know what she was saying. One of her arms was hooked around his neck while her free hand ran down the front of his body, feeling him. He squeezed her waist and enjoyed the feel of flesh beneath his fingers. He envied the normal lives of normal humans, thinking of all the couples in the world and how they were able to express physical emotion so freely with whomever they wanted.
"Raven," he groaned, burying his face into her chest with no inhibitions. The action seemed to delight her and he clawed greedily at her back.
He had become so dependent on these dreams.
"Garfield." She tilted his head back and looked down at him, her hair framing her face. "What do you want, Garfield?" she asked quietly, calmly.
"You," he answered. She smirked and he noticed her eyes were very, very dark.
"Gladly."
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When Raven awoke from the initial coma of Cyborg's drug she felt as if her veins had been filled with lead. She felt heavy, and when she forced open her weighty eyelids she knew that her body was still trapped in a strong haze of numbness. Her neck had a little give, but that was it. Nothing else moved. She sighed. It took a gargantuan amount of effort for her to turn her head slightly to the side, but she was able to, and when she did she was met with a thoroughly distressing sight.
Herself.
Standing there.
Staring at her as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
She wore an unblemished version of her uniform, and her eyes were disturbingly black. It took a few seconds for her sodden brain to understand what was going on, but when she did it all clicked at once.
That dark of herself that she had denied for so long had found its way out, and had gathered enough strength to manifest a tangible avatar of herself. Raven felt a growl of frustration slam against her unmoving lips. All it took was breaking past her own self-denial to know where that strength had come from. Ignoring her confusion over her reactions to Beast Boy didn't mean they went away; it just meant that they found somewhere else to reside, and she had turned a blind eye as to where. Now she was reaping the benefits.
"Hello, Raven," the doppelganger said, her arms crossed over her chest. Raven said nothing. Couldn't say anything. She was frozen, forced to lie helpless before the least desirable part of her personality.
Talk about identity issues.
"It's been a long, long time, dear warden. Do you know how hurtful it is that you've neglected me all these years? I'm hurt." She pretended to pout. It wasn't convincing. "You ignored me, and that was mean. But look at you now, forced to lay there and finally here me out. How ironic is fate?" She sighed through a breath and Raven could practically feel the sadism radiating off of her. "I'm glad you're awake," she went on. "Because I would like to ask you a question."
The doppelganger stepped closer to the bed and Raven could now clearly see Beast Boy sitting in a chair behind her, his back facing the bed and his head lolling to the side in slumber. She felt panic rise in her throat and her eyes, the only other part of her body that allowed movement, darted up at the manifestation in panic. Her emotion glanced over her shoulder lazily and a grin lifted her lips. When she turned back she stepped even closer and leaned forward, and even Raven was struck by the darkness of her eyes. She felt suddenly guilty for harboring such a manipulative blackness in her heart.
"Why is it," the emotion started to say, tilting her head to the side, "that you have so much arrogance in you to be condescending, yet you cannot admit to the simplest of things? It's astounding, really." She reached forward and brushed a few strands of hair away from Raven's face. "That you, with all your powers and knowledge, can be reduced to nothing by the touch of a boy with green skin and a short attention span."
Raven wanted to leap from the bed and strangle the manifestation. She wanted to succumb to all the frustrations she was feeling, grasp this black-eyed reflection and lock her away in the abyss of her scattered mind. She wanted to tell Beast Boy to get out, to leave. She wanted to tell him to stay away from her, because she was dangerous. She wanted to close her eyes and wish it all away. She wanted to move. She wanted to sleep.
Yet she just lay there, unable to do anything at all. The emotion watched her, read the inner turmoil in her face, and laughed out loud. Arrogant. Cruel. Depraved.
"You are such a naïve little child. You're confused, and you don't understand because you're so simple-minded. Haven't you figured it out yet?" She leaned forward, her hand caressing Raven's hair mockingly. "All those 'feelings' you have for Beast Boy aren't yours. They're mine. It's me. It's always been me. What you are feeling, you stupid girl, is lust."
In the chair Beast Boy stirred. Raven didn't know if she wanted him to stay obliviously asleep or to wake up and save her from her self-inflicted humiliation.
"It's pathetic, really," the doppelganger went on, shrugging easily as if they were talking about nothing but the weather. "Your weaknesses, I mean. A superhero who can't control her own emotions? Sad." She slid her body onto the bed and Raven felt her skin prickle with distaste. "But it's not that simple, is it? It's not just that you can't control your emotions, it's that you don't want to accept them either." She sidled up to her, their bodies fitting perfectly side by side. "If you had accepted me Raven, explored me, fed me, then you could have grown. Become a woman. A powerful woman."
Lies. Raven knew that if she wholly accepted any one of her emotions her demonic side would take advantage of the instability that the feeling would do to her powers. Any opportunity of opening herself meant disaster. This was what she knew.
But hearing this manifestation's honeyed words made her doubt herself, and Raven hated doubting herself. A groan sounded against her unmoving throat and her emotion laughed at the helpless action. She cuddled against Raven and squeezed her shoulder in a false hug before hopping off the bed. She whirled around, and her cloak followed in a billowing circle, encasing her lovingly as she winked at Raven.
She wanted to rip her cloak off and throw it in a fire; grab her hair and force her to her knees. She wanted to voice a curse for her insolence, for defying her place, for making her feel so small. She wanted make it all disappear and cry.
Her reflection sighed through her smile. "Oh, wise Raven. How you crumble before your very own desire to fuck."
She wanted to scream.
Her emotion stepped away from her, turning towards Beast Boy and sauntering over to his chair. Raven watched as she touched his hair and his face with familiarity, and the thought made her sick to her stomach. She watched as he stirred beneath her fingers and rolled his head back, his eyes opening to see the doppelganger's face. She looked down at him, her body hunching over in a frighteningly possessive nature.
"He thinks he's dreaming," she said out loud, still looking down into Beast Boy's face. "It takes almost no effort on my part to drive him into a hypnotic state. He can't even hear me right now. He sees and hears only what he wants to." She looked back at Raven and the maniacal joy in her eyes was hard to miss. "Like a well-trained dog."
She ignored the hatred radiating from Raven's eyes as she walked around Beast Boy's chair and straddled his lap. Raven was horrified, but she couldn't stop watching as Beast Boy kissed her and she touched him, seducing him with gusto. It turned Raven's stomach upside down.
The emotion looked back at her again. "You are so fragile," she said, her hand trailing along Beast Boy's front. "So delicate and weak. But his desire is so profound, made more so by this animalistic nature he possesses. He is filled with it, and he will break you."
Raven saw Beast Boy's hands squeeze the manifestation's sides in need, and a painful stab of jealousy and disgust claimed her heart. The emotion gasped a little and her smile was cruel. "We will both break you. Together. And all you can do is watch."
.
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