Breaker Chapter 8, a teen titans fanfic

A/N: I deeply apologize for the unforeseen hiatus. Part of the reason why this chapter took so long was because I was, once again, terribly busy. But majority of the reason was because I kept losing large chunks of writing when my computer would shut down unexpectedly. Hopefully I'll have time soon to get this thing fixed so I can give this story the attention it deserves.

Once again, thank you to my readers and to all the reviewers. Your words are truly appreciated, both praise and critique. I'm glad to know that an M rated piece of work has enough substance to stand on its own, despite the obvious expectations.

Okay, enough of my rambling. I'm sitting at my makeup station at a theatre during a show, so I better post this before I need to get on that stage. XD

Enjoy.

Chapter 8

Raven wanted to physically rip something into pieces. She wanted to tear her hair out. She wanted to blast the walls and leave the room flickering with frayed wires and broken lights. But instead she lay helplessly on her back as a sadistic caricature of her inner desires groped and ground against Beast Boy. It was humiliating and unseemly, but more than anything it was enraging. She wanted to believe it was the platonic part of her relationship with Beast Boy that was feeling so much anger and rage, but that was almost certainly a lie.

She cringed at the sound of their interaction, wishing she could turn her head away as her manifestation dove her hand between their bodies, earning a throaty gasp from Beast Boy. She began rocking with the motion, provoking breathy moans from the subject of her attention. Beast Boy's fingers dug into the doppelganger's waist as his head lolled back, the pleasure he was experiencing apparent in the tension of his shoulders. Raven stared on as her emotion lifted her gaze and looked directly at her, smiling as she took joy in her voyeur's horror. Her eyes still trained on Raven, she yanked Beast Boy's head back by his hair and bent down to whisper something in his ear. He groaned viciously in response before rapidly rising to his feet, hoisting her in his arms as he stood, his hands gripping the straddled swell of her rear. He carried her to the empty cot, slammed her onto the white linen and breathed the smell of her hair, her neck, her breasts.

Raven could barely make them out through the corner of her eye, but they were still there. Still absolutely present in the creaking of the bed and their labored breathing. She heard her own voice giggle and whisper invitingly to Beast Boy, and Raven could feel her fury gather in her chest, solidify, and grow. Despite the numbing effect of Cyborg's serum Raven could feel the burning in her bones, feel her helplessness turn to ash in light of one, potent desire: to make them stop.

Beside her she heard Beast Boy breathe, heard the manifestation coo invitingly, and heard that repetitive sound of ecstasy that stabbed through Raven's skull. It was so horrifying to her ears that she felt it feed her hate, burrowing into her skin and igniting what little power she had regained from her rest. Jealousy and fear of abandonment made Raven panic, and habitual defense mechanisms kicked into gear to spare her the horror of being replaced by a sex-crazed mirror image.

"We'll break you," the doppelganger called out to her. "We'll break you together." The taunt was simple yet affective, and it was all Raven needed to fall off the edge.

She had had no intention in creating such a massive power surge, but whatever it's unnecessary potency or execution, Raven was glad for the blankness it produced. Her emotions tore her chest open with rage and a tangible darkness that filled the room, searing into the walls and ceiling and wiping out her vision, staining the fluorescent light and obliterating the interaction between Beast Boy and Raven's lusty shadow. Before she blacked out from the surge Raven felt a cutting cold reach through her numb body and settle in her gut before fatigue and exertion pulled her mind into unconsciousness once more.

When Cyborg returned to the infirmary he found the place in less than desirable conditions. To be lenient, the place looked a little messy. To be terribly accurate, his infirm looked as if Cinderblock had come rampaging through in search of cough drops, had gotten frustrated, and took it out on his immediate surroundings.

The windows had been blasted clean of their glass, light fixtures were dangling on their hinges and his computer system looked as if it had been quite literally fried. All the furniture in the room had been thrown onto their sides and pressed against the walls with their contents tossed this way and that. And, judging by the untouched bed that held a sleeping and content Raven, it didn't take much for Cyborg to guess what happened.

It was a surprise, however, to find Beast Boy lying on the floor to the left of her cot, splayed on his back and knocked completely unconscious. Cyborg didn't bother rushing when he went to check on his friend's pulse. He knew that, however out of hand Raven's powers got, if Beast Boy was whole then Beast Boy was okay. It wasn't in Raven's style, conscious or otherwise, to harm her friends.

Cyborg smirked to himself.

At least, that was the case when it came to Gar.

Raven didn't reawaken until the next day. It was dusk, and the sound of crackling electricity was enough to tell her that her deep slumber had grown shallow enough for her to open her eyes. Her body felt heavy, but at least she could feel it, and she used what little strength she had to turn her stiff neck and delight in the painful relief of a crack or two.

"Welcome back," she heard Cyborg say, and she forced herself up to see her friend kneeling next to the computer console, Tesla coils and tools littering the floor around him. He was staring intently into the back of the console, working diligently on the mechanisms. "Feel better?" he asked. His voice was devoid of any and all brotherly concern, but she couldn't find any telltale signs of anger either. He simply sounded uninterested.

"I can feel," she replied hoarsely, stretching her limbs and dragging herself up into a sitting position. "And I don't feel as sore."

"Good. And your power level?"

She breathed deeply and closed her eyes for a minute, searching her body and her mind. She frowned and opened her eyes. "Still weak. Almost nonexistent." To her surprise Cyborg nodded, as if that was the answer he was looking for.

"I thought so. Your vitals are stable but you body is healing itself at an extremely slow rate. I figured the regeneration of your abilities is going to take some time. In my opinion, your unconscious power blast yesterday didn't help the process." He looked up and stared pointedly at Raven, waiting for her to look surprised at the news. She just kept her features schooled but still interested. She didn't want him to know that she had been awake for the blast. That would lead to questions as to why it happened in the first place, and she was definitely not ready to analyze that whole debacle.

"Power blast?" she asked quietly, feigning subtle disbelief. Cyborg huffed.

"If I wanted to put it lightly. You destroyed my infirmary."

"Oh."

"My computer is totaled. I almost have to rebuild this thing from scratch."

"Sorry."

"I had to pick up, like, a thousand tongue depressors off the floor. Do you know how hard that is with hands as big as mine?"

Raven sighed, her shoulders slumping. "I'm very sorry Cyborg." Her friend continued to stew in his frustrations for a moment longer before he finally shook his head and went back to his work.

"All right. Apology accepted." He bent close to the circuit boards, squinting. "At least you didn't go completely berserk yesterday. Beast Boy didn't have a mark on him when I found you guys."

"Beast Boy?" Raven's stomach clenched as she remembered hands—her hands—caressing Gar's body and face. "He's unharmed?"

"Of course he's unharmed," Cyborg said matter-of-factly. The corner of his mouth twitched into an almost grin before he quickly suppressed it. Raven didn't like what the action implicated. "Even when you do lose control you'd never hurt any of us. At most he's a little weak in the knees, but otherwise the guy's fine."

"Hm," was all she could say.

"You want to lie down for a little bit longer? At least until your levels are normal again?"

"No," she replied. "I'll be fine. They'll come back slowly. Eventually." She steadied herself with a deep breath before lifting the covers away and inspecting her thigh. The skin had only barely closed on her gash, the scar still deep, still fresh, still tender. But it wasn't an open wound anymore, so that was good news. "I'll be fully healed soon," she said out loud, throwing the sheets away completely and slipping her feet off the bed. She touched her face and neck. Her fingertips spoke of no more scrapes and cuts. "That's a good sign."

"Always," Cyborg said absently, frowning at two identical pieces of copper wire.

"I'm going to shower," she announced, touching her bare feet onto the cold linoleum and attempting to stand up. Cyborg's head shot up at the sound of her wince and he perked to attention, all the cynicism from earlier disappearing in a heartbeat.

"Do you need help?" he asked, sounding sincere. Raven quickly shook her head and held out a hand to stay him.

"I'm fine. I'm just weak. Don't get up." She blew out a breath before shakily finding her balance and pacing around her bed. "Let me get the blood circulating in my body and I'll be okay."

"You sure?"

"Yes." She walked slowly but steadily around the infirmary for a little bit before her legs got used to being in motion once more. Cyborg finally relaxed when she was able to fully articulate her feet and ankles. "Like I said, I'll be healed soon."

"Yeah well, don't push it. Take your time recovering," he warned her, but then broke out into a grin. "Don't be a hero."

Raven rolled her eyes but allowed herself to smirk at him as she trudged out into the hallway. "Wouldn't dream of it," she managed to conjure before she waved feebly and closed the door behind her.

Beast Boy sat on the floor of his room, staring at the carpet as he tried to force himself to think of anything else other than Raven. He had tried numerous distractions all day—television, movies, video games, books, food, exercise, and even a short-lived lesson in deductive reasoning from Robin—but everything seemed to remind him of her. Now he was reduced to simply sitting and trying to think of something different, but his head, (and quite honestly the rest of his body), kept going back to Raven.

The dream he had had in the infirmary the night before had left him aching for release, and his less than poised thoughts of Raven had taken a turn for the truly unseemly. He couldn't stop picturing what she'd look like laying beneath him, or what her face would do if he touched her, or what sounds she'd make if he'd-…

Beast Boy quickly shot to his feet and started pacing the room, willing his agitated hormones to calm themselves. It embarrassed him how easy it was for him to think of Raven in such ways, but at the same time it sparked a dark and festering desire. It was obvious that he was increasingly attracted to her, and it was common knowledge that he cared for her and wanted more out of their relationship than just a tumble under the covers. Raven was worth more than that. But she was also an unexplored, fiery vixen who brought out in him a masochistic yearning with every moment she yelled or glared in his direction. In his own perverted way he relished in her dominative personality, and he often wondered how a trait could be converted to a more physical nature.

Or suppressed in a more physical nature.

He growled audibly then and marched up to his dresser, yanking open the drawers and haphazardly pulling clothes out. He needed a shower. A relaxing hot shower. Hot enough that it would scald his skin and burn his lust away into vapor and mist.

His hand reached towards the back of the drawer and he unintentionally pulled out Raven's undergarments; stowaways in his dresser that he had completely forgot about.

He groaned to himself.

Maybe he'd just take an extra long, painfully frigid and overly brutal shower instead.

Raven stood in front of the sink in the bathroom, one hand holding the towel wrapped around her dripping body while the other pressed a fist to her forehead. She couldn't get a dull ache out of her skull, and it didn't take too much thought as to the reason for its lingering annoyance. Her emotions were demanding freedom, and one in particular was practically screaming to be heard. Raven growled under her breath and lowered her hand, staring at her reflection and scowling at the face she saw.

"What do you want from me?" she demanded. From the far reaches of her mindscape and from the most neglected part of her soul, Raven could feel the distant but smoldering reply.

"Release."

"No," she hissed, slamming her fist into the counter. A hairline fracture marred the marble surface. If she had been at her full power capacity the stone would have shattered. She cursed her own weakness and glared at her reflection. "For you," she said quietly, "release is not an option."

"Then I hope you are comfortable with suffering."

Raven tore her gaze away from the mirror, frustrated with a truth she couldn't deny. She had already come to understand the dangers of suppressing her feelings, and her feelings for Beast Boy were too potent to be safely contained.

Because she had finally admitted that there were feelings for Beast Boy, different from what she felt for Starfire, Cyborg and Robin.

Too different.

Emotionally and physically.

And although she found them completely off-putting, she couldn't help but admit that there was a significant amount of curiosity that came with them as well…

…and a crude sort of attraction to the danger they posed.

A soft knock sounded on the closed door, followed by the sweet soprano of an alien voice.

"Raven? Is that you in there?"

"Yes, Starfire. I'll be out in a minute."

"Oh no, I did not intend to rush you. I went to the infirmary earlier to visit you and Cyborg said you had left over an hour ago." There was a quiet thud on the wood and Raven knew she was leaning her forehead against it. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Raven lied. "My body is still weak, but otherwise-,"

"I am sorry," Starfire interrupted. "But although I am very much concerned about your health, that was not what I was asking about. I wish to know if you are okay." The emphasis she put into the word tugged at Raven's naturally secretive persona and before she could think about it she was exposing more of her weakness than she would have liked.

"I'm not really," she said. And then added, "Or maybe I should say not even."

"That does not sound very good at all."

Raven laughed morosely. "It's not." A pregnant pause filled the space between the two girls before Raven turned back to look at her reflection and exhaled slowly. "Sometimes I just find it easier to be a hero than it is to be a human," she admitted quietly. Starfire still heard.

"Yes. I find humans to be very confusing creatures."

"And I guess it only makes it worse when you have to be a girl as well."

"Ah," was Star's response, but it held within it all the implication that she was aware of more than what Raven had revealed to her. "Would you like to talk about it?"

"Not really."

Starfire hummed in the hallway, as if that were the reaction she had expected. "I understand. Would you like me to leave you alone then?"

Raven thought of sitting in her room in solitary confinement, staring at her wall as she listened to the embedded laughter of a sadistic shadow buried deep in her soul. "Not really," she replied. She reached for the door and opened it, letting the steam and heat that had consumed the bathroom filter out in a rising cloud of mist. Starfire stood before her, smiling sweetly.

"We could sit in your room and listen to your favorite music," she offered. Raven grinned slightly and nodded.

"I would actually like that."

"And we could eat pizza and ice cream."

"Sure."

"And I could brush you hair!"

Raven made a face at the last suggestion but gave in when Star raised her eyebrows expectantly. "Only for a little bit," she warned, striding into the hallway and letting Star drape a loving arm around her bare shoulders.

Beast Boy felt like a caged animal. His shower had done little to ease his wayward mind, so he was left roaming the halls of Titans Tower once more, hoping for a distraction.

Save for the only one he really, truly wanted.

Night was crawling over the bay when he found himself standing at the end of her hallway, staring at her closed door thirty feet in front of him. A part of him had wanted to go into her empty room to see if just being in her environment would satisfy his wanting…

…but at the same time he realized how truly abnormal that was.

So he just ended up at staring at her door for the better part of an hour.

And vaguely wishing he could go back to a couple days before, when he had been in the conference room working and she had come in just to come in.

He had liked that.

His reverie was suddenly broken, however, when Raven's door surprisingly opened and Starfire came striding out. He perked up from his place against the wall and watched as his alien friend floated out into the hallway, turning in midair to speak to none other than the violet-eyed girl herself.

Raven barely stepped out into view, staying close to her door and leaning heavily against the metal. She was dressed for sleep in shorts and a loose v-neck, and her hair looked newly washed and braided over her right shoulder. She looked up at Star as they spoke to each other, their words too quiet for him to make out. He watched as Raven smiled wearily and shook her head, causing Starfire to roll her eyes playfully and look away in mock frustration. The same jealousy from before stabbed through Beast Boy as he coveted the easy relationship the girls had with each other. He was so preoccupied by his envy that it took him a moment to realize that Starfire had noticed him and had pointed him out to Raven.

Of all the things that he could have been caught doing, stalking outside of Raven's door was not at the top of his list. He immediately pushed off the wall and headed down the hallway, trying to feign the appearance that he had actually been strolling the Tower instead of camping out.

"Hey," he called out, trying his hardest to sound at ease. When he came level with the girls he avoided eye contact with Raven and looked up at Starfire instead. "Do you have to hover up there?" he asked sarcastically. "Or do you just like feeling superior to us grounded folks?"

"I have no idea to what you are talking about," Starfire said, although she did smirk at him. She leaned back a little and nudged his shoulder with her toe. "You have been gone for most of today. What have you been doing?"

"Nothing really," he said, thinking of his painfully unproductive morning, afternoon and now evening. "Just sort of, you know, wandering around the Tower."

"Hm," Star hummed, rotating in a circle thoughtfully. "Have you seen Robin at all? I was about to go and find him. We are supposed to go to somewhere tonight."

"For pleasure?" Raven quipped, and Beast Boy was surprised to hear a significant amount of amusement in her voice. Starfire's shoulders just slumped.

"For business," she replied mournfully. "He says that he enjoys conducting business affairs with me, but sometimes I can find them awfully boring." Despite her complaints she started to drift away, waving feebly at the pair. "I must find him though. It is a long way out to the S.T.A.R laboratory."

"Don't be out too late," Beast Boy called coyly as Raven waved silently at his side. Starfire disappeared around the corner and took with her all sense of contentment.

Because now he was alone with Raven, and despite having wanted nothing but this exact moment all day, he knew that it would go anything other than smooth.

Chaste. Chaste.

He had to just keep his thoughts chaste.

She had been caught off guard from the moment Starfire had said his name. Now, standing next to him, she noticed his emerald hair was tousled but clean and his blue shirt and sweats looked newly laundered. His face was flushed and she could smell his soap and shampoo from her doorway.

Raven dropped her gaze, embarrassed.

Her head had suddenly filled itself with the image of Beast Boy in the shower, and her cheeks reddened at the ease in which she did it.

"Hey Rae," he said softly, turning to her. "I thought you were still in the infirmary."

"I left hours ago," she said, suddenly feeling exposed in her sleepwear. She felt suddenly too pale, too disheveled. She frowned visibly, thinking that she should have concealed the bags under eyes, should have worn something more flattering to her figure; thoughts and actions she had so rarely ever bothered to think about. She looked at Beast Boy and clearly noticed how his shirt rested against the muscles in his chest, betrayed his narrow waist and accentuated the luminosity of his skin. She quickly dropped her gaze again, amazed with how acutely she seemed to notice every physical nuance about him. "I figured I'd caused enough damage up there."

"Right. The power blast," he said, nodding and looking anywhere but at her. He folded his arms across his chest and moved to lean back against the doorframe, placing himself half in her room and half in the hallway. "That was kind of special, yeah?" He shot her a lopsided grin and Raven felt her nerves calm but her heart begin to race. An unsettling combination.

"Well you know. I do that sometimes. In my sleep," she joked stoically, her expression deadpan. She leaned against the door opposite him, her hands folded demurely behind her back. "Are you all right? I know Cyborg said-,"

He waved a hand to cut her off. "I'm fine. Cy woke me up and I walked out of there like nothing had happened." He shrugged. "I wanted to stay to see if you would wake up but he insisted I leave," he added, saying it almost apologetically.

"Understandable. You weren't obligated to be there."

"Yeah," he said. "But you know." His words trailed off into an awkward pause as he looked away again. It made her fleetingly angry that he didn't want to meet her eyes. "So if you don't mind me asking," he started, rubbing the back of his neck. It was a nervous habit of his, and Raven wondered what he had to be nervous about. "What exactly happened yesterday?"

She sighed. "Something not very thought out," she admitted. "My actions yesterday were ill-conceived, although apparently successful. I had wanted to drain myself, and I succeeded in sterilizing my powers. For now, at least."

"Hm," he said thoughtfully, his eyes appraising her collarbone. "I was wondering why that bruise was still there. You must be running on empty if you're healing this slowly."

"Empty would be nice," she muttered. "There's still something left, but I don't have the emotions to fuel them right now." She passed a hand over her tired eyes, laughing a little to herself. "I guess I'm not 'feeling' strongly enough."

"I could fix that, if you'd like," Beast Boy offered in a sly voice, but immediately shook his head. "I'm sorry, that was stupid." He frowned at himself and ran an aggressive hand through his hair. "Dumb habits die hard, I guess."

"Whatever," Raven mumbled, surprised that she was saying anything at all. "It wasn't stupid. It was just a joke, right?" She shrugged, trying to convey to him that she really didn't mind. "That's how we joke, you and I."

He stared at her for a while, his expression caught between puzzlement and genuine surprise. "Yeah," he finally said, lowering his hand and smiling unsurely. "That's how we joke." A giddy sort of relief washed over him and Raven felt somewhat proud that she had caused it. "I've tried to explain that to people so many times and no one understands. An inside joke between friends."

"Harmless in its meaningless execution?"

"That's the fancy way of putting it, yeah."

"The relationship of the endless idiocy of one and the tight-lipped tolerance of another."

He made a face. "Come on now, I don't like it when you call yourself an idiot."

"What a coincidence, because I don't either."

They looked at each other for a moment before he broke into a chorus of hearty chuckles and she smiled quietly to herself. The childlike Beast Boy started to shine through his eyes, and his toothy smile reminded Raven of years gone by, when his harmless little pranks were his only way of showing people he cared. "Everyone thinks you're so serious and focused, but in reality it's all a front for a smarmy brat." He shook his head when all she did was shrug. "My Rae is different from everyone else's Raven, I guess."

Maybe it was the way his head tilted to the side, or the softness in his voice, or the startling fact that he had called her 'his Rae', but a stiffness settled over Raven that left her feeling rigid and awkward. She suddenly regretted everything that had led to this moment, and she wondered what had provoked such an uncharacteristic openness in her.

And yet…

Beast Boy must have noticed her immediate discomfort because all the gentleness left his face and he straightened himself from the door, stepping out into the hallway as if prepping to leave. "Er yeah," he said. "But, anyway…." He trailed off. Raven watched him fidget, watched him as he silently retreated into his own mind to probably berate himself once more. Why did he always have to ruin their ease? Why was he constantly doing things with such a childish naiveté? Sometimes she could deplore his obliviousness.

And yet…

"I know you're still probably tired," he mumbled. "And wasting your time with me is probably the last thing you want to do, so I guess I'll just leave you to yourself." He took two steps back. "I just…I'm glad you're doing better. We were all worried and…yeah. It's just good to see you up and about again."

He was rambling. Raven always had a problem when people rambled on and on in nonsensical sentences, saying things that didn't need to be said. She had always found it grating; a waste of breath and time. Useless in its unnecessary abundance.

And yet…

Why was every little annoyance, every little irritating thing he did so damn endearing?

When had she gotten this disgustingly affectionate?

And with him of all people?

"Hey," she muttered in a low tone. "Gar." He looked up from staring at the floor and she found she wanted to say something kind. "I'm glad you came to check up on me."

"Oh. Sure."

"Thank you."

"Yeah."

Another painful silence.

"Hey Raven," he began, speaking with hesitation. He furrowed his brow at her for a moment before he reached out and plucked at her braid. Sweetly, randomly. Brotherly. His hand shook when he pulled it away. "I…I don't really have anything to say. I just…kind of wanted to do that."

A pluck of her braid.

A gesture of camaraderie.

That was not taken as such.

Like a plague of the worst kind Raven felt her Depravity flare into life at Beast Boy's touch, charging to the forefront of her mind, blistering in its dissatisfaction. When she spoke her voice was low, but her anger shrieked of depravation.

"Endearment is pathetic and affection is useless. I crave and I hunger, and I am no longer content with starvation."

Something snapped inside Raven's psyche and a burst of heat flooded her senses. She wasn't just looking at Beast Boy anymore, she was suddenly yearning for him. Pining for far more than a pluck of her braid. All the physical traits she had noticed earlier came flooding back tenfold, and her blood boiled under her skin.

Raven blew out a quick and pained sigh.

Sometimes…just sometimes…it was a fucking pain in the ass to be a bipolar, emotionally constipated mess.

Being in the hallway with Raven was an assault of delirium; Beast Boy had felt dizzy the entire time. The physical need to touch her alone was borderline insanity, and being close enough to smell her fresh scent was painful in its minute distance, but he couldn't bring himself to leave. He found that he would much rather suffer in her presence than be content in her absence.

But then her expression turned somber. Almost angry.

"Why that?" she asked him, reaching up and tearing the band from her hair. It unwound effortlessly, the glossy strands unraveling into their usual curtain of amethyst. "Of all the inappropriate gestures you like to pull…why the braid?"

"I thought I wasn't supposed to inappropriate anymore," he said huskily, thinking that if he had done what he actually wanted to do then she wouldn't be standing, let alone able to speak.

Chaste. Chaste.

He had to remember to think the word in order to act upon it.

"I just never understood," she went on, her raspy voice deep. "I always wondered why you would do things like that."

"Things like what?" he exhaled, his thoughts wandering into a fantasy of himself tearing the band from her hair and his fingers tangling in the hues of violet and lavender. She noticed his dreamy gaze and straightened herself from the wall.

"You know," she snapped, and without warning Raven strode forward and invaded his space. He was so startled that he backed away from her until he hit the opposite wall and she pinned him there with her proximity. They weren't even touching, but her body was centimeters from his and he was too surprised to move. He felt his stomach drop to the floor and his veins cackle with pent up energy.

"Things like this," she said, staring up at him. She held her stance for an intoxicating minute before she seemed to regain her composure and take half a step back. She looked startled with herself, but at the same time pointedly determined. "You were always doing that to me. Backing me into corners. I thought you were doing it to irritate me. Or to be mean." She reached out and grazed her fingertips through his hair, her usually expressionless visage furrowing as she did so. Beast Boy had to concentrate very hard just to keep himself standing. "I guess I never quite got it until now. The reason, I mean." She trailed her fingers down the side of his neck and down the length of his arm, both their eyes watching the path she created along his body. Raven seemed entirely too intrigued in what she was doing, and Beast Boy relished it.

"What's the reason?" he asked, staring down at her. He noticed that she was breathing a little faster, and the change in her pulse quickly sparked the hunter in him. She pushed his arm away as if he had been the one caressing her.

"There isn't one," she said plainly. She shrugged and placed both hands on either side of his face. "I just feel like it."

When Raven dragged his face down towards hers there was a moment right before their lips met when she felt like screaming. But then she was kissing him, her small hands clinging to his face desperately, and she felt as if nothing in the world mattered. She was kissing Beast Boy. She, as herself, was actually kissing Beast Boy.

And if she ignored the dark, triumphant laugh resounding through her skull then she found that she enjoyed it.

A lot, actually.

Raven thought of all the times she had seen him surrounded by his admirers, just another Titan answering to a crowd of fans the world over. But Gar wasn't just another Titan. Raven never cared if girls swarmed Robin, or if screeching, adoring females trapped Cyborg or Kid Flash or Aqualad in corners. She only ever noticed if they did it to Beast Boy.

She'd say nothing, but she'd notice.

She only ever noticed if he took his shirt off in the training room when it was too drenched in sweat for comfort. She'd watch him fight, watch him transform, watch him build his strength and endurance without realizing she was staring. She would always throw her guard up when he came too close to her, but she'd never try to leave, never try to back away before anything happened. She had tried to control her emotions just so she could endure the moments when he would grasp her hand, touch her hair or breathe along the nape of her neck…because she hadn't wanted those moments to disappear.

Her intentions mixed with the more insistent ones of her depraved side, but their goals were fast becoming the same thing. Raven couldn't blame the pleasurable shiver in her spine on anyone but herself.

Thoughts threatened to turn into fire when she pulled away from him, holding him at arm's length. She felt weak-kneed and woozy, and somewhere in the base of her stomach a storm was raging and spreading rapidly through her body. Her lips ached to touch his again, but she kept herself from launching at him. Raven blinked up at Beast Boy and found him just as wide-eyed and breathless as she was, staring at her as if she had slapped him.

"That was a mistake," were the first words out of her mouth, and for good reason. From the interior of her room Raven heard the wood in her bookshelf splinter angrily as something large was thrown across her room, hitting the wall with a cracking thud. Had her powers been fully applicable then half of Jump City belonged at the bottom of the bay based off of the pounding in her chest.

"Rae-," Beast Boy started to say, but she cut him off by scurrying back and attempting to slam her door closed between them. Her pulse was racing, her head was pounding, and they were chanting a dangerous mantra.

More, they told her. More more more.

But more had always and would always be the one thing Raven could never allow herself.

Chaste. Chaste.

It was a concept Beast Boy was fast forgetting.

He was running on pure instinct when he rushed forward and grasped the door and the frame, stopping Raven from barricading herself behind the metal. She looked up at him with a flushed face and glassy eyes, and he knew he was little less than a mirror image.

"Rae," he said again, with even more earnest than before. She tried to slide the door past his grip but he was too strong for her weak form.

"You need to go," she practically begged, and the sound of something breaking in her room met his ears. "Now."

"No. Why?" he demanded, his anxiety causing him to speak louder than he intended. "Why did you-,"

"Beast Boy, leave."

"Not until you tell me why you just kissed me." He needed her to say that she had wanted it, that the desire to do so had finally taken over. He needed her to need him, even if it was only a fraction of how much he needed her.

"Let go of the door, Garfield. Go away-,"

"No!" He was almost yelling down at her, his nerves heightened to such a degree that they were overwhelming. "You're not doing this to me again, Raven!"

"Doing what?"

"Leaving me hanging! Every time we come close to figuring out what this is between us, or going beyond this endless back and forth, you put everything to a halt and close off! You act like nothing happened, and it's driving me crazy! I can't…I can't keep dangling on the end of your thread anymore. I'm not a play thing, Rae!"

She flinched at the connotation and the accusation. "I never thought of you as a play thing-,"

"Then stop drawing me in just to push me away again!" His knuckles were turning white with how hard he was gripping the door. "For once in your life can you stop with the cold exterior and just tell me what it is that you want?"

"When has that ever been an option for me, Beast Boy?" she shot back, her defenses shooting out in anger. "When has 'wanting' been the only deciding factor for me?"

"Since you met us!" he cried, exasperated. "Haven't all of us proven—haven't I proven—that no matter what the consequences we'd always be there for you? You can only destroy the world once, and that already happened. We're still here. You're still standing. You can cut yourself a freaking break once in a while and participate in life."

"You think it's as easy as cutting myself a break? Do you have any idea what I've had to do to just smile a little more?"

He slammed his fist into the doorframe and the walls shook dangerously. "No, I don't! I have no idea what you've been through because you never tell anyone anything! You keep things to yourself until you crumble from the burden, and even then you insist that you're okay."

"All right then," she spat, her words caught in that odd place between held back tears and choking venom. "Here I am telling you that I am definitely not okay."

"Then let me help you. Just throw down your guard and let me help you."

"It's not that simple-,"

"Why?"

"Because…."

"Because what? Because you don't want it to be?"

"I already told you, it isn't based on what I want!"

"Why?" he growled, looming over her. "Why? Why? Why can't you just have what you want?"

Her reply was to throw herself at him, her eyes staring fixedly at his mouth. But she stopped herself inches from his face, her breath coming out ragged against his skin. She clenched her teeth together as she internally fought with herself, caught between wanting to close the distance and wanting to expand it. A light bulb in the hallway burst and she pulled back once more, turning her head away, embarrassed.

"Because I can't," she hissed. "Gar, it's-,"

But Beast Boy didn't want to hear anymore vague explanations. She had caved under the pressure and she had shown him enough to know that his desires were not one-sided.

She felt it too.

What she wanted was him.

He wasn't the only one thirsting for release. She would reciprocate his actions…all she needed was a push.

Chaste. Chaste.

He just had to remember to stay chaste-…

"Screw it," he breathed, and threw the door open, bearing down on Raven with more hunger than he knew was necessary to show. He caught her waist easily and the kiss they shared was far different from their prior interaction. This was a mixture of anger and defeat, passion and desire, and complete and unwanted abandon. The feel of Raven's lips against his wasn't the end to his hunger; it was dumping fuel onto an already blazing fire. His body roared to life from the contact, from the gasp she gave when he had caught her in his arms, from her hands placed on his shoulders in an indecisive motion of pulling him closer or pushing him away. It was like pure electricity tearing through his body.

Chaste. Chaste.

He had suddenly forgotten the meaning of the word.

He held her tighter, coaxed her to arch back as he pressed against her. He forced her mouth open and explored her taste, deepening the exchange and receiving a profound shudder from her body. She whimpered against his lips, a sound so devastatingly sweet yet darkly titillating that it excited his predatory nature and fed his lust. Her fingers twisted into the fabric of his shirt and she leaned her weight into him as her knees gave out, and all Beast Boy could seem to think about was shutting the door and getting her to the bed.

Chaste.

He had completely discarded the purpose of the word.

It wasn't as black and white as liking it or not liking it. This was the complexity that was Raven's very existence and, at this moment in time, with Beast Boy's breath mixing with hers and his hands splayed possessively along the small of her back, it was more apparent than ever before.

Because it was absolute nonsense to pretend that she wanted it to stop. She didn't, obviously. She had been the one to kiss him first, although his response was more than she felt she could handle. With his sinewy muscle flexing against her body Raven was more physically aroused than she had ever been in her life. He spurred a tempest in her stomach—and in other places as well—and the storm weakened her despite its delight.

Yet she could also feel her fragmented mind thunder in turmoil at the physical and emotional onslaught. Around the room candles melted in their sconces, wood continued to splinter in the headboard of her bed, and a few crystals along her bookshelves simply shattered into small piles of glittering dust. Behind him the door slammed itself shut and the control panel sizzled against the wall. Raven could feel every loose end of her powers reaching out from the freedom the kiss was giving her.

If half of Jump City had been in danger before, then the entire continent was privy to mass destruction now.

But consequences were hard to consider when Beast Boy was advancing on her, manipulating her into taking shaky steps backward until the back of her knees hit the edge of her mattress and the two went tumbling down onto the covers. He caught himself before he crushed her, pulling away for merely a second before he was upon her again…helped there by her own hands yanking on his collar and pulling him down.

More more more. Lust. Desire. She knew she was playing into the hands of the darkest part of her being, but it was hard to stop. Hard to second guess her actions. She simply wanted more and was out of reasons why she shouldn't.

And then…

Beast Boy's hand found the familiar path to her rear, his legs forced her own to open wider, and with a hungry growl he rutted against her, the bulge of his wanting pressing hard between her legs. The act alone produced a mixture of surprise and craving within Raven, but that was just the tip of the iceberg. It was almost as if her longing were reaching a point that it was actually becoming painful. She could feel her heart constricting in her chest, and somewhere deep within her soul self she felt something crack, tear, split…leaving behind a sharp pain laced with pleasure. Raven's breath caught in her throat and she seized up for a moment, another gasp escaping her lips.

Beast Boy grinned against her mouth and pushed her higher onto the bed, pressing into her again as they dragged across the sheets. This dominative belligerence was new coming from him, but it seemed accustomed to his body, as if he had done such things before. Raven found that she had a fear and a taste for it. Another stab of pain and delight shot through her body, and her hands turned to fists against Beast Boy's chest. She shoved at him, breathily tried to ask him to wait, but he grabbed her arms and pinned them to the bed.

She tried to repeat her request but he just bent low to her neck, his lips seeping into her skin and his tongue branding her with heat. He whispered her name against her neck, told her how he couldn't stop, couldn't stop, couldn't stop. Told her how much he wanted this. Told her how predatory his desires had become. It started to worry her, started to scare her, started to excite her, and the clock on her nightstand turned black and began to twist and warp into itself.

The Beast had always been a part of him since the day it manifested; it was like his shadow, never fully tangible but always there. It had come out a few times over the years, but they were enough to let him know that the Beast was and always had been for Raven.

As her protector.

When Beast Boy had to defend Starfire, Cyborg, or Robin he did so as himself and himself alone. But when it came to defending Raven, to standing between her and whatever it was that was on the hunt, he always had the Beast to aid him. He would be stronger, faster. Resilient. Ferocious. A wall of fur and fang meant to stand before Raven and never fall. For her and for her alone.

As her protector.

But now, with his hands pinning her to the bed and his hips pressing into hers, Beast Boy wondered if maybe he had mistaken 'protector' for 'possessor'. Because the same adrenaline rush and archaic instinct that came with the Beast was coursing through his veins, his pulse drumming out a steady mantra in his head…

More. More. More. More.

He let go of one of her hands, her fingers flew to his shoulder in an attempt to shove him away, but he ignored her action as he tore open the front of her shirt, his hand yanking too hard on the already loose fabric. She jerked at the sudden exposure, her face twisting it what looked to be pain. He should have been concerned, and he normally would have. But the Beast had once been a monster, and he found that he took some sort of sick pleasure in her grimace.

"Garfield," she cried, tugging on the collar of his shirt so hard that it dug into the back of his neck. "Gar, wait!"

He ran his hand over her torso, unabashedly admiring the paleness of her skin. He couldn't quite believe they had come to this moment. Beast Boy shook his head and found that he was no longer smiling.

"You keep telling me to wait," he said hoarsely, running his palms along the curve of her waist. She shook beneath his touch. "But that's wrong-,"

"Please," she breathed, ignoring his words and closing her eyes. His hands continued to touch her bare skin and when he gripped her sides she grasped his fingers forcibly with her own. "I said wait," she said firmly, breathing hard. She opened her eyes to look back up at him and his face was a mixture of anger and anguish. "What?" she asked.

"You told me to wait," he said lowly. "Why aren't you telling me stop?" She didn't answer at first, just blinked up at him. She looked momentarily lost, her eyelids flickering rapidly. Her irises looked like they were changing, but he couldn't tell in the dim light of her melted candles. "Raven?"

The glass in her window fractured as she suddenly reached blindly for his hand and guided it past the waistband of her shorts, down to the warm center between her legs. Beast Boy moaned audibly and nearly collapsed against her shoulder. She cried out in pure ecstasy as his fingers explored her of their own accord, her back arching with the motion.

"Gar," she whimpered. He buried his face in her neck, delighting in her rapid pulse and shaky breath. He spoke into her skin, his fingers sliding into her, uninhibited and unrestrained. Whether he was man or Beast, he wasn't there to practice patience or discretion.

"Tell me to stop," he said, speaking over her quiet gasps and moans. "Tell me to stop, Rae. Make me. Force me." He touched deep into her core, she screamed out loud and his manhood pressed painfully against her thigh. "Tell me what you want," he nearly begged into her ear. If she didn't stop him now, if she didn't throw him from her room and lock the door, then he knew there was no going back. His inner monster and human weakness would take over, and Raven would have no choice but to succumb to both.

Her response was to blow the lights out with her powers and shove against his chest, flipping him on the bed so that his arms were thrown back against the mattress and her legs straddled his narrow waist. She lifted his shirt over his head and tossed it aside, relieving herself of her own ragged one. Beast Boy could barely make out her silhouette in the darkness, but he felt her hand slide down his body and grasp his member, squeezing it and earning a sharp intake of breath.

"There will be no stopping tonight," she whispered, a smile adding a seductive cadence to her voice. "Not until one of us completely shatters." She tugged roughly at his manhood, his hands found the silken strands of her hair and all logical thought was thrown out the window.

She was a half-demon.

He was a Beast.

And together they acted as such.