Chapter 5,

I walked into the Restaurant 15 minutes late and hurried to sit down.

"I am so sorry" I said arranging my napkin on my lap. I looked up to see Joe staring at me, "My car wouldn't start."

"Don't you ever get tired of driving that death trap, or any of the Death traps you blow up?"

I took a deep breath and tried to remain calm, starting the night fighting would not help either of us. "Yes Joe I do, but that is what I can afford and you know I like to do things on my own." I saw him struggle with what he was going to say then slowly calm down and nod. Baby steps I thought, "Did you order yet?"

"No I was waiting for you; do you want me to call her over?" I nod yes to him and open my menu for a quick glance.

After we order we look at each other, each waiting to see who would break the silence. Finally, he takes a deep breath and starts, "Look I am sorry ok, coming and screaming at you wasn't ok. I need to control my temper better. But I really do think that if we are going to have a chance... a real chance we need to cut Ranger out of our lives. He is not good Stephanie, and he is not good for our relationship." I could see his struggle on his face, he was frustrated and angry.

I was at a loss at how to respond, my mouth opening and closing like a fish. Finally, I went with a simple question, "What would you say if I told you cutting Ranger out is not an option?"

Joe's eyes got large and his face flushed, "You mean to tell me you would really rather end what we have then to not have him as a friend?" He practically growled. His chest was heaving and I knew that the only thing keeping him in control was the fact that we were in a restaurant. I patted myself on the back for having the ideal to have this conversation in a restaurant and not at home.

I slowly thought out my response, wanting to say everything correctly. "Joe I want to ask you a question, if I practically demanded you start cutting people out of your life for me how would you feel, honestly?"

He looked at me and after a moment said, "It would depend on who it was, but if it made you happy I might get rid of someone."

We both paused as dinner is brought to the table, when everything is settled and we are alone again I look at Joe. "What if I told you that getting rid of Ranger is never going to happen. Would you still want to be with me?"

Joe looked down at his food, I could see him clenching his fist around his fork. Finally, he looks me straight in the eye and says, "I want you and if that means he's there I will learn to live with it."

My eyes widen and I ask the next question on my mental list. "What if I tell you I actually like my job... Most of the time anyway. And I don't plan on giving it up ever. I am good at it, I have almost a 100% capture rate and enjoy accomplishing the searches. I am not perfect at it but I always get my man."

Again I can see him struggling with his answer, "I don't think your job is safe." He finally says looking straight in my eyes, "I want you to be safe."

"Your job is not safe." I reply gently.

"Yes but I was trained." he says grimly.

"True, and I think I need more training but I have a natural talent. I have been told my intuition is amazing and I always get my man." I said again.

He nods so I ask my next question, "What if I tell I don't think I will ever want children."

Now his eyes widen, "Is this a real question or a hypothetical one."

"It's a real question" I said picking at my food.

"You have been thinking about this?" He asks and I nod.

"I think I might be ok with that for now, but I would eventually try to change your mind. I think you would be an amazing mother and I think we could be happy together."

I look down and ask the last question on my list, the big one. "What if I tell you I don't think I want to get married... Ever. Could you live as my boyfriend forever?"

He slowly puts down his fork and stares at me. After a minuet it's like the sight of me is too much and his eyes look around the restaurant. Finally, he turns back and says, "I want to be married to you Stephanie, I want us to be together. I want to be with you forever. If I told you that marriage is make or break for me what would you say?"

I look down at my plate trying to blink back the tears in my eyes and whisper, "I think I love you Joe and I always will but I think we might be better as friends." And just like that I could feel our relationship shifting forever into a different place.

He nods, "This isn't even about Ranger is it, you are not happy with me anymore."

I look up, "It was never about Ranger, it's about you and I not being combatable Joe. We want different things. With every question I asked tonight you changed what you wanted to make it work. Relationships are about compromise not giving up everything you want. Eventually you would hate me because you gave up everything you wanted. You need a woman who wants marriage and babies... Like right now." I smile through my tears. "You need someone who is going to be happy married in the berg and that will never ever be me. I will never stay home and cook or be a PTA mom. I am crazy and I want to fly, not settle down."

I see him nod at me his eyes bright, "So this is it?"

I nod silently.

"Well this is the calmest argument we have ever had," he jokes, "I guess it's the right thing."

I nod again then smile, "I will always love you Joe. I want to be friends with you forever, go to your wedding and meet your babies one day. Your friendship means so much to me."

"If you end up with Ranger or anyone else and they ask you to get rid of me," he questions.

"I will tell them the same thing I told you, Joe is my friend and I won't give him up. If they can't live with it, then they will have to leave." I say as I squeeze his hand on the table.

We both smile as the conversation ends and we start to eat. As we eat dinner we talk about the happy memories one last time and what we want for the future. I am honest when I tell him I am not sure of anything and it scares me a little. He tells me he will need time to move on before he lets another girl break his heart like I did. He says it as a joke but I can see some of the truth it has in his eyes. It's a grown up dinner, one that was desperately needed and it feels good, really good to be in this place.

As we leave the Restaurant later that night he pulls me into a tight hug and whispers, "I will always love you Cupcake, find what will make you happy."

I whisper back, "You to Joe"

I watch as he walks away, smiling through my tears and waving as he drives past me. I turn to get into my car thinking about how well the night actually went, if only I could figure out the rest of my crazy life. I am distracted as I am putting the key in the car and I don't see the figure coming up behind me. All I feel is a sharp pain exploding in my temple and the feeling of falling. Blackness is closing over me as I see the dark outline of someone crouching down to whisper, "Miss. Plum, so nice to meet you."

Then nothing.