3. The Dark Side Of Love
Suggested listening: "The Devil's Crayon" by Wild Beasts, "When the weather is fine" by Thirsty Merc and "Red Right Hand" by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
"This is great, Leah," Seth murmured into her ear.
Cake disaster averted, he found her hovering at the edge of the backyard and wasted no time dragging her into the centre of festivities so that everyone could fawn over her.
Leah couldn't fault her little brother, and everyone was being much nicer to her than she had anticipated - but she couldn't stop her racing mind and heart, even as she made sure to laugh along with the crowd (first at Paul's crass humour and later at the younger wolves playing "toss the lollies" where they literally jumped to catch the treats they were lobbing at each other).
He was engaged. Engaged!
And he had a child.
Leah wasn't sure what troubled her more.
She kept sneaking glances at him, but since their shared look earlier he hadn't cast his eye her way at all. He was simultaneously standing aside from the party while also being the force it orbited around. Leah didn't miss the way the pack took their cues from him. He was just as quiet as she remembered, but with a new authority that affected even her.
She might have reduced herself to outright gawking if not for Jared dragging her into a conversation about Alaska with Kim and a wolf who introduced himself as "David".
The pack asked her every conceivable question about her time away, without ever once referring to the other wolf she had departed with. Leah was grateful for the unexpected sensitivity. She wasn't ready to talk about it, especially not with so many people who had probably been thrilled to see the back of her all those years ago.
"Leah," a voice called from behind her.
She stilled. She'd known ever since she'd arrived that she'd have to have this conversation, but somehow Emily's timid approach still caught her off guard.
"Hey," she replied with a warmness that surprised her. It didn't hurt to see Emily or the baby in her arms the way she had feared it would. Maybe time really did heal all wounds.
"This cutie must be Anna," Leah added, peering down at the tiny creature. She felt a small twinge in her chest, not because it was Sam's child, but because this was family. A part of her bloodline whose birth she had missed. "How old is she?"
"Nine months," Emily answered, pleased by Leah's interest.
"She's big!"
"Levi was even larger at that age," a familiar baritone interjected.
There he was – the reason for all of her previous woes: Samuel Uley, smiling tentatively at her as if she might sock him in the jaw at any moment.
Once upon a time she probably would have.
Still, when she looked at her first love's face she didn't feel the nostalgia or endless longing that characterised her early days as a wolf. He was her cousin's husband and someone she used to be close to, but he wasn't anything to her anymore.
Not even an enemy.
It was liberating to feel so unburdened by the situation. She made small talk, asking about their home and catching up on everything to do with Levi, who she learned was just three and a half. She made soothing noises in all the right places, but her mind swirled back to Embry. She knew she had no right to him – she'd rejected him that day in the woods and they'd never as much as kissed, but her heart was reeling from the news that he'd moved on.
The instinct to run to him when she'd learned he couldn't imprint had been unearthly. Not once as her paws had thundered cross country had she considered that his inability to imprint simply left him free to choose a partner in the ordinary way – just like Eira had.
She couldn't blame him, not knowing how she had treated him.
She tried to focus on Sam as he told her something that he clearly thought was very interesting about the consistency of Anna's poos. Leah's first instinct was to tell Sam that she didn't give a shit – pun intended - but her new peace with him and Emily was fragile and he was acting like it really was important discussion material so she nodded politely. The fact that she was only partially listening to Sam allowed her to concentrate more on his face... there was something wrong with his face. She couldn't put her finger on it, but it was almost like his nose was off-centre and crooked. He paused to laugh at something Emily was saying and as he gave her a light squeeze, Leah noticed the puckered flesh on his forearm.
"What the fuck happened there?" she asked, gesturing at his disfigured limb.
Sam's face became wary and Leah's question was met with a loaded silence.
"Sam?" she pressed.
"It's nothing," Emily interposed. "Do you want to hold Anna? Here," she passed the child into Leah's arms without waiting for her answer. "Go to Auntie Leah," she told her daughter.
Leah paused while she adjusted to the swaddled bundle she was now cradling. Anna was adorable, but not so much so that it could distract her from the blemishes on a creature that she knew had super healing powers.
"So, are you going to tell me about that?" Leah turned her attention back to Sam, noticing that there was another pockmark on his neck.
"She likes you," Emily observed as Anna gurgled sweetly.
"It looks like you were mauled, Sam!" Leah ignored Emily's interruption. The more she focussed on Sam, the more damage she noticed. She thrust the child back towards her cousin as she peered at her ex boyfriend.
"So what happened with Jacob?" Emily jumped in again. "It seems like he's pretty upset these days."
The distraction was complete. Even thought Leah had consciously noted the way people had avoided the issue, she was completely unprepared for the directness of Emily's question. She drew a shaky breath. Even if she had finally moved beyond Emily and Sam's betrayal, they were the last people she wanted to discuss her latest failed relationship with. Particularly given imprinting was the reason for its failure. She felt her eyes watering a little at the edges.
"Bitch!" a girl hissed from behind her. Leah turned to see Georgia scowling at Emily. "Leah, can you please help me with some... potatoes... in the kitchen." The tiny girl turned on her heel and Leah scurried after her, grateful for the reprieve.
Georgia was rustling around the shelves at the back of the pantry. Leah wasn't sure what was kept there now, but it used to house her mother's stash of port.
"Here it is!" Georgia exclaimed as she swung around with a bottle of tequila in her hand.
"Umm, it's kind of early," Leah noted, not sure how she felt about being rescued by the only person at the party she was inclined to resent just as much as Emily.
"It's after noon and I'm not going to tell anyone," Georgia answered as she filled three shot glasses. "Bottom's up," she added as she passed one to Leah.
"Cheers," Leah mumbled as she poured the burning liquid down her throat, trying not to look at the elegant ring that sparkled on the fourth finger of Georgia's left hand.
"You should have punched her in the face," Georgia fumed. "Just because Sam's pride is wounded she hits below the belt. What a cunt."
"Right," Leah said in a daze. She knew she was missing something but she couldn't work out what. She stretched her arm out as Georgia poured her a top-up, spilling a little when the screen door crashed as another person entered the house.
"Fuck G, lucky you're not breastfeeding anymore," Rachel observed, grabbing the third glass sitting on the counter."
"Whatever." Georgia waved a hand dismissively. "I was so tempted when Vicky was teething to have a few voddies before I expressed... I felt so helpless."
Rachel stared at her in horror. "You didn't, right? It would have been like giving her a White Russian."
"Of course not!" Georgia laughed. "Embry would have crucified me." She frowned as she bit her lower lip. "I'm a good mother... despite what Emily says."
"Of course you are," Rachel soothed. "Was she hassling you again?"
Georgia shook her head before inclining it towards Leah. "No. Today she has another target."
Rachel sighed. "More Sam imprint nonsense?"
"No... the other one..." Georgia answered softly.
Rachel pulled a face.
Leah felt almost dizzy from trying to follow the exchange around her. It was clear that Georgia and Rachel were close friends, but she couldn't understand why they both seemed so hostile towards Emily or why Rachel looked down on imprinting. She could see why Georgia might resent it – maybe she didn't know that Embry as Alpha couldn't imprint - but Rachel was part of the imprint club.
"You're Paul's imprint," she said to Rachel, voicing her train of thought. She'd always thought of Rachel, Kim and Emily as a little triumvirate.
"I'm Paul's girlfriend," Rachel corrected her. "The imprint thing doesn't bother me one way or the other."
Leah didn't know what to make of that.
"Anyhoo," Georgia spoke as she poured Rachel another shot. "To Leah. Welcome home. Seth's always raved about you and now I get to meet you. Today is a good day."
The three girls clinked glasses.
"We should go shopping," Georgia announced. "I bet there's some stuff you need."
Leah felt her eyes watering again. She really didn't want to like Georgia, but it was hard to feel ill will towards someone who seemed genuinely concerned with her welfare.
"Can you get some of your stuff sent over?" Rachel asked. "You're pretty chummy with the blond Cullen, right? It would be a shame to buy a bunch of new things if you already have what you want someplace else."
Leah turned the question over in her mind. She definitely needed her belongings if she was staying put, but she wasn't sure of her plans - and more than that - it would be impossible for Rosalie to send her anything without Jacob knowing. Even if she managed to get in and out of the house Leah had shared with Jacob without him noticing, Edward would read what she had done in her head and it was unlikely he would keep that information from Jacob.
"It's complicated," Leah replied slowly. "And I'm not really sure if I'll be here very long."
"What?" Georgia shrieked. "You have to stay, Leah. I haven't seen Seth so relaxed... ever. He won't be able to handle it if you go again."
"Settle G," Rachel warned before turning back to eye Leah carefully. "You're my friend, Leah. I've known you your whole life and I care about you, but you need to call Jacob and sort out your shit. It's been more than six months and he's going out of his mind with worry. Tell him you're fine but that you don't wanna be with him anymore."
Leah scowled. She loved Rachel Black right back and was oddly touched by the declaration, but any fond feeling was overridden for her immense dislike for being told what to do.
"I doubt very much that Jacob actually cares where I am," Leah snapped, trying to squish the guilt that had been niggling at her since Seth had told her of his frequent calls. "I'll call him when and if I feel like it."
"Don't you remember how you felt when Sam just disappeared and you had no idea what was going on?" Rachel pressed. "Don't purposefully hurt my brother Leah. I don't know what you've been doing since you left him, but I assume you didn't know how desperate he is to know that you're safe. Call him soon, or I'll do it for you."
Leah growled at the threat.
"Mama, mama! Unca Seth says cake time!" a little voice yelled from outside.
Georgia smiled. "Coming sweetie," she called. "Here." She thrust a stack of paper plates and napkins towards Rachel and ushered her outside. She waited until the girl was out of earshot before placing a hand on Leah's shoulder. "She won't say anything Leah."
Leah furrowed her brow. "She sounded pretty serious to me, Georgia."
Georgia shrugged. "No one likes to see their family hurting, but I promise you, Rachel won't get involved in anything between you and Jacob."
"How do you know?" Leah questioned.
Georgia smiled, showing the gap between her teeth. "Because... Embry already ordered everyone not to."
~~~TAC~~~
"Thank you all for coming to celebrate my birthday," Collin announced once everyone had had their fill of cake and cries of "speech, speech" had filled the yard. "I'm looking forward to seeing you all next Friday for the buck's night and on Saturday at the wedding."
"Are you sure the wedding's going ahead now that Leah's back?" a voice shouted from the other end of the garden.
Collin blushed. "Yes... well... while I may have had a crush on the great Leah Clearwater back in the day, when I was thirteen years old, I could not be happier to be marrying my soul mate Jenny."
Leah shifted her weight awkwardly. Nobody seemed to have any filters at pack functions. She wasn't at all sad to have missed more than four years of them.
"Of course," Collin continued, "If they want to jelly wrestle or something that's okay too."
Leah lobbed a slice of cake at Collin, wrinkling her nose in distaste as his wolf reflexes allowed him to catch it and then shove it entirely in his mouth.
Paul laughed, slapping Leah on the back. "You have no idea how much I've missed you getting all fired up she-wolf."
"Really?" Leah asked wryly. She remembered Paul's distain for her all too well.
He had the good sense to look embarrassed. "Aw... C'mon Leah. We were all shitheads back then. We didn't know any better. We never wanted you to leave."
Leah rolled her eyes. "Uh, huh." She was facing Paul but she found herself distracted by Quil's arrival and the serious conversation he seemed to be having with Embry.
"And we've already got a bet going as to who you'll punch in the face first."
Leah sneered and let her eyes wander downwards. "What makes you think I'd pick anyone's face as a punching target?" The backyard erupted into laughter and Paul instinctively took a step back.
"You have my permission, Leah," Rachel grinned as she hollered from the jumping castle and Leah returned the smile. It seemed that the earlier tension was behind them. It was disconcerting to be around people that she had such a lengthy history with, but simultaneously felt like strangers.
She looked around for Seth but realised that he was wrapped around Amanda. He appeared to be devouring her and his hands were everywhere.
"Gross," she mumbled.
"I know," Georgia agreed, materialising behind her.
"What's happening?" Quil asked as he joined them.
"Leah and Georgia are bitching about Tits McGhee," Paul responded.
Quil raised an eyebrow at Georgia. "Aren't you the one that encouraged him to date?"
Georgia threw up her hands. "Yes. He couldn't keep banging a different girl every weekend. It's not healthy - but I wanted him to find a nice girl. Not some floosie whose defining attribute is her awesome rack."
Paul snickered. "He's nineteen, Georgia. You're lucky he's not having a three-way with Tits and her sister."
"She's got a sister?" David piped up and Georgia groaned.
Leah took a step back and saw Embry striding into the house. Not really sure why, she found herself following him. She had so many unanswered questions
He was facing her when she let herself inside and Leah squared her shoulders. Even though the girl that had hurt him wanted to apologise, the wolf inside her told her it was important to stand her ground.
He waited in silence. Unfortunately Leah's wolf – while definitive on body language – did not have much to offer in the way of conversation. Embry folded his arms and leaned back against the kitchen counter. The muscles in his arms rippled as he shifted position and Leah found herself fascinated by his form. He was so much better built than the last time she saw him, but there was still a litheness to him.
"So," she said, swallowing quickly as she cleared her throat.
He tipped his head to one side and Leah resisted the urge to lower her gaze.
"So," she tried again. "You named your kid after the redhead vampire that tried to kill us all?"
Leah wanted to palm her face at the stupidity of her comment, but the side of Embry's lip curved upwards. "It's a family name for Georgia... and it fit with the theme."
"Theme?" Leah questioned.
"The soap opera theme," Embry elaborated. "Pretty much every soap has a Victor or a Victoria... or both."
Leah shook her head in confusion until she remembered hearing somewhere that Embry had been named after a soap star. "Right," she said, wondering why she had chosen to ask him about his daughter.
"Besides," Embry went on. "It's a nice name and I figured there was no point getting bogged down in the past. That's all done now."
On its face he was simply answering her question, but something in the firmness of Embry's voice made Leah wonder if he was suggesting that there were other things in the past that he was no longer troubled by. While the idea that he wasn't angry at her was a relief, her stomach knotted a little at the thought that there was nothing left between them.
"Embry, I just want to say how sor-"
A ringing sound interrupted them and Leah forced herself to wipe the frustration from her face as Embry reached behind himself to answer the phone.
"Hi Jake," Embry said smoothly.
"Hey man, how did you know it was me?" Jacob's voice travelled down the phone and Leah's supernatural hearing made her flinch at the familiar sound of her once-lover.
"Lucky guess," Embry answered.
"I know I'm annoying you all," Jacob rushed on, "But I just had to check. Has anyone heard anything today?"
Embry paused. Leah's heart stuttered. Was he going to rat her out? She had always known that Jake would leave her for Renesmee. That was a huge part of why she had chosen him in the first place, but she didn't feel ready to have that conversation yet.
"Nope," the lie glided smoothly from Embry's lips. "I haven't seen her in years Jake. I'm sure she'll make contact when she's ready."
"I just can't understand why she wouldn't talk to me before up and leaving like that." Leah winced as she heard the shudder in Jacob's speech. "I need her, man. I don't know what to do."
Leah pressed her hand to her heart. She'd never imagined that her leaving would have anything more than a short term effect on Jacob. Seth and Rachel had told her about his grief, but she hadn't really believed it – not until she heard the agony laced through his words.
Embry exhaled heavily. "Sorry Jake."
"You'll tell her to call if you see her?"
"Absolutely." Embry's eyes never left Leah's as he hung the phone back up against the wall.
"Thanks," she whispered.
"I don't like lying to him."
Leah couldn't help the cackle that escaped. "Are you for real? All you've done since Jake and I left is lie!"
Embry growled but Leah ignored him, bring her hands to her hips. "Were you planning on ever telling Jake that he's your brother? Were you planning on telling us that you're Alpha now?"
"Honestly?" Embry asked with a calmness that infuriated her. "No. I wasn't planning on telling either of you."
Leah stamped her foot. "But you just hate lying don't you?" she barked sarcastically.
"I do," he agreed. "But I had my reasons."
"Well that explains everything then," she snarked. "What the fuck were they?" Her voice rose to the point of yelling, but she couldn't contain the hurt and anger bubbling inside of her.
He moved forward and Leah found herself unnervingly close to the boy whose presence had always had an effect on her – even when she had been entirely unable to admit it.
"There were three," he intoned. "First it was for me," he raised his head and jutted out his chin. "Then it was for you," he added. An uncertainty flickered across his face before he pulled it back into a neutral mask. He moved closer still and Leah bit her lip nervously. "And in the end it was for everybody."
She gritted her teeth. "Thanks ever so much, Embry. That was as clear as mud."
Seth popped his head around the door. "Have you got to the important bit yet?"
Embry took a step back. "I was just about to ask." The urgency in his demeanour had been replaced with a steady drawl. It occurred to Leah that this new mercurial Embry was not the same boy she remembered.
"Great." Seth plopped himself down at the kitchen table and gestured for them both to join him.
Embry smirked as he slithered into his seat.
"What's up with you?" Seth punched Embry's shoulder.
"You've got lipstick on your cheek," Embry leered.
Seth blushed as he swiped his palm across his face.
Leah watched them from across the table. Somehow in her absence, Embry had become family to Seth. She could feel their closeness just as much as she could see it. Her mind was awash with thoughts of their conversation, Embry's words repeating incessantly.
First it was for me.
Then it was for you.
In the end it was for everybody.
What did that mean?
Embry reached out to swat Seth from the side and Leah observed a large scar along the underside of his upper arm.
"Did you have that before?" she demanded
"Nope," Embry replied flatly.
Leah glared at him. The mysterious thing was getting a little old. "What were you going to ask me?"
Embry's features hardened. "Tell us about the other pack."
Leah bristled. The way the pack kept expecting her to answer their questions but never gave away anything in return was exasperating. "There's nothing much to tell. I met them for all of ten minutes and we had a cup of tea. Then I left. End of story."
"Quil said there were twelve including a female?" Seth pressed.
Leah stretched her hands out on either side of her. "See? You already know everything through pack mind."
"Where did you meet them?"
She shrugged. "I dunno. Somewhere in northern Canada."
"Did they follow you?" Embry's huge frame bowed over the table so that he was inches from her face. "Do they know where you're from?"
She pushed him back, trying not to think of how hard his muscles felt underneath his shirt. "I never said where I was coming from or going to - seeing as I didn't really know the answer to either - and I know how to cover my tracks. What is your problem?"
Embry pursed his lips. "My problem is that we've met other packs too, Leah, and it hasn't always been an enjoyable experience."
"Gee Embry, I guess that might be a reflection on the calibre of hospitality you've been extending."
He brought his fist down on the table so hard Leah was surprised the wood didn't splinter. "Alphas are territorial Leah. We might be built to kill vampires, but it turns out we don't play well with each other in the sandbox either."
Leah watched as the bruise on Embry's knuckles faded from view. Underneath the fresh wound were deep lines of disfigurement – as if his whole hand had once been clawed apart and put back together.
"What happened?" she whispered, reaching her own hand out. For a moment she was tempted to rest her palm on his, but she thought better of it, her fingers hovering in mid air before she pulled them back to her side.
"We've fought a war Leah. Not some ridiculous non-war against leeches. A bloody battle with other shifters, just like us."
Leah gulped . "A war?"
Seth nodded. "So you need to be certain Lee, is there any way – any way at all – that the pack you met could follow you back here?"
She shook her head. "I can't see how that would be possible. Honestly." She jumped up and threw her arms around Seth. He had been in danger and she hadn't even known about it.
"It's okay, Lee," Seth assured her, patting her back. "It was a long time ago."
Leah tensed. The fact that this was history to the pack made her feel even worse.
"Leah," Embry murmured to her as she draped herself over Seth's shoulder. "You need to be careful about where you go from now on. The state of Washington is secure. We've marked it out as our territory and sensible wolves know not to come here without an invitation. You were safe when you were with Jake and the Cullens – but we never expected you'd run off on your own. You were lucky the shifters you met were peaceful and not every group of wolves you run into will be. We actually thought you would stop shifting when you left Jake – especially because he never heard you when he phased to try and find you." He paused and Leah clung to Seth silently, watching as Embry carefully considered his next words. "I know you don't want to be in my pack and you probably don't want to be in La Push, but you need to understand that being on your own when you are so easily scented as a wolf is dangerous."
Leah was too overcome to fully process what he was saying.
"Everything okay?" Quil's voice called to them as he made his way into the kitchen.
"It's fine," Seth responded, giving Leah a final squeeze before he released her. "We'll get you the phone."
"What are you talking about?" Leah quickly wiped a few tears that had leaked out before straightening up.
Embry reached up into the void between the top cupboard and the ceiling and produced a small black box. "We've got a burner phone," he explained. "It's untraceable. When you call Jacob you need to use this one. Tell him whatever you want, but you can't tell him you're here."
"Why?" Leah didn't even bother trying to hide her bewilderment.
"Because he'll come here, Leah," Embry replied firmly. "The second he knows you're here he'll make his way back to La Push and then all bets are off."
"You hate him that much?" Leah asked hotly. "It's not Jake's fault no one knew about Billy being your Dad."
"I know that, but Alphas are aggressive, Leah. I don't think Jake will take the news well and he certainly won't submit to my rule. I got lucky with Sam... I stopped before it was too late – just. I don't know if it will work that way with Jake. I couldn't stop during The War."
Leah blinked, taking in what he was saying.
Embry was the reason Sam's face had been rearranged.
Embry had fought other wolves and 'hadn't been able to stop'.
Sweet Embry, whose eyes were just as reminiscent of Bambi as she remembered, had killed people and he was warning her that maybe, just maybe, he would kill Jake.
First it was for me.
Then it was for you.
In the end it was for everybody.
/
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A/N: What do you think? Is Leah interpreting Embry's words correctly or is there something else she is missing?