Chapter Thirteen
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They started to steal moments out of the day.
When Starfire suggested they sit and watch a movie as a team, Raven made an excuse about needing to meditate before shooting Beast Boy a lingering stare. Thirty minutes into the film Beast Boy had taken his chance to slip out and hurriedly make his way to Raven's room, where she had abruptly pulled him in not but a split second after he had knocked. She had shut the door immediately and threw herself on him, eagerly devouring his mouth.
"We can't go all the way," she had said breathlessly as she backed him into the wall, and he greedily ran his hands over her body. Behind them her bookcase shuddered with her excitement. "I'm not empty."
"Then let's test your limit," he teased, pressing against her fervently.
She had silently obliged.
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Another day found them skipping out on a post-battle debriefing for the privacy of one of the empty guest rooms on the top floor. There, Beast Boy had securely locked the door before Raven had torn off his belt and unzipped his uniform, forcing him to sit on the floor as she aggressively straddled his waist. She had spent nearly every last ounce of her magical power with their battle with The Hive, and although the villains had gotten away she didn't want to let such an opportunity go to waste.
The seven stories separating them from the other Titans made them bold, and both had groaned audibly as Raven worked herself against him, her hands gripping his shoulders as she ground her hips back and forth. She had come to a screaming climax that time, and Beast Boy had barely lasted long enough for her to reach her crest.
It was thirty minutes later when Raven walked into the conference room, her expression made of stone and her voice steadied when she gave an excuse to Robin about needing to meditate. Nearly an hour later Beast Boy came barging in, making jokes about getting caught in the city and taking the lecture he received from all three of his friends with surprising grace.
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Sometimes they'd only have a few moments, or even just the breath of a second between one thing and another.
A passing in the hallway.
The last two left in the training room.
The first ones out on the practice field.
Most times they were good about it, keeping things short. Keeping themselves in check.
A few times they would push the envelope, risk getting caught because they couldn't discipline their desires.
And once Raven had slipped with her control.
Beast Boy's lips had been on her throat, she had been pulling desperately at his collar, and when his hand had found her breast Depravity had wrapped her fingers tightly around Raven's throat and the electricity on the fifth floor completely shut down. A few doors down from their shadowy corner Robin stepped out into the hallway, calling out against the spontaneous lack of power. Raven and Beast Boy broke apart immediately, the former shoving the latter away as she dissolved herself in darkness, teleporting away and leaving Beast Boy behind. Robin had seen him not moments after Raven disappeared, and the changeling was forced to pretend to be just as astounded by the power outage as his leader.
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Other times weren't so frantic.
If there wasn't enough battle action for Raven to overexert herself, then she was reduced to driving herself into the ground in the gyms or her failsafe room. She preferred heroic duty, since the adrenaline of combat and the added pressures of a powerful opponent aided in draining her powers quicker and easier. But when she was forced to run herself into exhaustion of her own accord, it took a considerable amount of time, and it so often left her muscles feeling shaky and weak and useless. On those days Raven would take long, relaxing showers before trudging to Beast Boy's room, entering without a word and slipping silently under the covers. Sometimes he wouldn't be there, and she would sleep soundly in his bed until he returned. And sometimes he would be sitting at his desk, too occupied by his paperwork to look up when she entered.
Those times were Raven's personal preference. Being near Beast Boy was always calming for Depravity, so it allowed Raven to rest without dropping herself into a coma. On one occasion she asked Beast Boy what he was working on. He had never favored paperwork, so she was curious why he had so many folders piled on his desk.
"Doom Patrol," he had said calmly, leaning back in his chair and grinning at her in a self-satisfied way. "Just perusing some reports my dad sent me." He had sounded so uniquely content at that, as if there were no greater accomplishment in the world than to be sorting through files sent from his father. He had even flashed her his token, lopsided grin before stretching his arms and eagerly returning to his work. Raven remembered that he had been wearing a dark button up, left open to reveal a white shirt underneath when he moved in his chair. His jeans had looked new too, and his hair was growing long enough that it swept down over his eyes at times. His appearance and countenance had made such a vivid image in her memory, because she remembered that he didn't look like 'Beast Boy' that day. He looked like Garfield Logan.
And she also realized that she wasn't there simply because she needed a 'fix'. She was there because, truthfully, she liked being around him. She couldn't explain it, but it went beyond being comfortable, and beyond their ability to relax in each other's presence.
She could relax with Star, and she found comfort in Cyborg. But, given the choice between either of them and Beast Boy, she found that she would effortlessly choose Beast Boy.
It had been a startlingly profound realization for her, and although it warranted a deeper understanding of Raven's feelings for Garfield, the act of self-exploration was pushed aside by his calm voice.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" he asked, a curious grin masking his underlying nerves. "It's kind of distracting."
"Sorry," she said, flipping over to face the wall. "I was just thinking."
"About what?"
"Insignificant things," she lied. He hummed thoughtfully behind her.
"I don't think you're capable of insignificant things." She heard his chair squeak as he moved. "Tell me."
"I don't feel like sharing right now."
"And I wasn't asking."
A pause followed.
No, he wasn't. He had lost all tentative wariness when it came to her, and she had given up the pretense that anything was too taboo for him to pry at.
Raven started to turn to look at him, but then stopped herself. His tone held a smile. His words did not. She didn't want to see what his expression said.
"I was thinking about you," she admitted, and then retreated into silence again. But that seemed to have satisfied Beast Boy, for he didn't press the subject any further.
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"What happens when I'm less appalled by the situation and more grateful for it?" he asked her hypothetically.
They were all in the gym that day, every member of the team working on building endurance and strength. Even Raven, who was usually allowed a different regiment of mental stimulation, was working on her physical prowess.
She set down the weights she had been using and stood up straight, staring at Beast Boy. He had taken a seat on the bench-press, a towel slung over one shoulder and a water bottle in his hands. Raven glanced across the room and saw Robin working on his high bar, Cyborg on an advanced model of a treadmill, and Starfire slowly articulating through her martial arts exercises. She wasn't particularly comfortable talking with Beast Boy in front of the others, but they all seemed too preoccupied to notice.
"I would have to wonder if we were talking about the same situation," she said, unzipping her hoody and reaching for her shoulder. She winced as her fingers pressed into the knot that had formed there. Beast Boy automatically rose from his seat, moving to stand behind her to massage her neck, but the minute his hand touched skin she darted out of reach, turning around and glaring at him. "What are you doing?"
"Helping you," he said, peeved by her reaction. "Is that so weird?"
"Of course it is," she hissed, glancing at their friends. "The others are here."
Not a single one of them was looking in their direction.
"This is why," Beast Boy said, shaking his head. "This is why I'm starting to look forward to those things. Unless it's one of our 'meetings', you freak out every time I try to touch you."
"I'm trying to be discreet about us."
"I get that Rae, but it's not like we treated each other like lepers before this." He took a step towards her and she took half a step back. "We used to be normal together. I gave you a massage once or twice before." She looked away, unable to argue that point. "And there was that one day you played with my hair until I fell asleep in front of the TV."
She looked back at him and frowned. "That wasn't me, that was Starfire."
"Oh. Well, whatever. My point is that having any sort of normal contact with me has become forbidden for you. Don't you think that causes even more suspicion?"
"Not enough for it to be an issue," she countered, tightening her low ponytail and pulling her hood over her head. It was a comfort, taking shelter beneath a fabric roof. "Unless the others take an active notice in it then there's nothing to worry about."
"I don't like it," he told her firmly. "I want more than just a few stolen moments in a day."
She looked into his face then, her brow furrowed ever so slightly. "Like what?"
"Like conversation. Like a shared meal, or a cup of coffee. Like sitting on the couch and watching nonsense."
She stared at him, knew that he was perfectly aware of what he was asking her; what he sounded like. It was an awkward request considering the circumstances, but it didn't fall on deaf ears. In truth, she had never thought about any of those types of things, but now that he was presenting them to her she couldn't lie and say they didn't sound appealing. But saying was much easier than actually doing.
"Are you trying to ask me out on a date?" she said quietly. Beast Boy fidgeted a bit, his hand rubbing the back of his neck, and he shrugged.
"I don't know," he admitted. "Honestly, I don't. I just…those 'moments' together are the only times I get to be with you. And…. I'd like there to be more."
Spending time with Beast Boy.
Normally.
Raven and Garfield, sitting in a café, playing chess and drinking lattes.
Garfield and Raven, watching a movie, their feet propped on the coffee table and his arm around her shoulders.
Raven and Garfield, out in public while she was fighting for control, forcing herself to keep a raging doppelganger from tearing down the city and claiming lives.
Garfield and Raven, constraining themselves to be civil in the privacy of the Tower when all she would really want to do was rip his clothes off and curl her fingers around his neck.
Raven dropped her gaze, conflicted by the feelings burning in her chest. A part of her feared the worst of such things. The other part mourned the inability to even try them.
"There can't be more," she said simply, voicing a mantra she had instilled into herself. "More is dangerous. More is always dangerous."
In front of her Beast Boy sighed, his hand dropped to his side, his gaze fixed on a spot across the room. "Yeah," he said, and she didn't like the heaviness of his tone. "Yeah, I know."
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Despite her claims of discretion, Raven caught herself watching him more often than was probably prudent. Her sly eyes were often hidden beneath her hood, but there was a moment or two when Cyborg would catch her watching and grin knowingly.
Damn Cyborg. He had always placed heavy implication between her and Beast Boy.
But for all the complaints the changeling seemed to have about their relationship, (or lack thereof), Raven had never once caught him staring at her. If he had, then he was terribly adept at going unnoticed.
Because she couldn't be in the same room with him without her eyes staying glued to his form. She would watch silently as he'd have animated discussions with Robin about Monsieur Mallah and the Brain, taking notice with how passionate he was about the biggest threats to the Doom Patrol. He had spent hours debating over the advantages and disadvantages of the pairing, and there had been times when he had surprised even Robin with his knowledge.
She would watch him teach Starfire how to cook vegan dishes, trying for the umpteenth time to sing the praises of tofu. She would agree with him for the most part, but when he wasn't looking the redhead would sneak into the freezer and dig into the ice cream, triggering a hand-gestured lecture from Beast Boy about the amount of milk that was used to make one carton.
She would watch him in the garage with Cyborg, actually listening when his friend would explain the engine parts to the T-sub. He would ask questions and watch with attentiveness as Cyborg would intricately explain things in seemingly indecipherable jargon. Beast Boy would stick with him, but eventually he'd break out in a laugh and push his friend, playfully yelling at him for being overly complicated.
So many different interactions.
So many different reactions.
Beast Boy was like a mosaic of emotions and responses.
And Raven was jealous of him.
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He caught her in the failsafe room one day. When she was 'purging'.
In the ten days that they had been meeting in secret, Beast Boy had never actually seen Raven rid herself of her power reserve; not unless it was on the field. For the times that she did it on her own, through whatever rigorous activity she chose, he was oblivious to the process of it. They had agreed to keep a considerable amount of distance between each other on a regular basis to aid the secrecy of their meetings, and when she would meet him she never bore any visible injuries like her ruptured eye, so he never really concerned himself with the specifics of what she did. If things had continued on that destructive path then he surely would have said something. But as far as he knew she was always well when she came to him, besides being completely exhausted.
It wasn't until the eleventh day did he realize that she had been hiding things, even from him.
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He heard her from the hallway.
The Tower was completely and utterly empty. Robin was in Gotham, Starfire was in Central City, and Cyborg was at Titans East. Beast Boy was supposed to be with the Doom Patrol, but Raven had taken responsibility for holding down the Tower on her own and the possibility of spending a good, full day alone with her was just too tempting of an offer.
So he had left the Tower with Cyborg, crossed the city with his best friend, and when they were supposed to part ways Cy took off in the T-car towards Titans East and Beast Boy had backtracked to the Tower. He had messaged Raven that he'd spend some time in the city and be back within a couple of hours, but he was far too anxious to enjoy the shops and the streets, so he high-tailed it out to the island.
It wasn't until he was right outside the failsafe doors did he hear the resonating blasts and the strangled cry that came from within. He stopped in his tracks, listening, and when he heard a cursed growl he reached for the doors, trying to yank them open. The ones leading to the room itself were sealed shut, but the door to the viewing room one floor up was open. Beast Boy darted in and ran to the window, ready to bang on the glass and call out to her, to ask if she was okay. But when she came into view he stopped, his hand going slack and his face contorting in disillusioned confusion.
She looked frightening, for lack of a better term. She was drenched in sweat, her face was grotesquely bruised on one side, and the way she was coddling her arm didn't seem promising. She didn't look like herself at all, how she was slumped in the corner of the room. In all the years that he had known her, Beast Boy had never really seen Raven slump. He'd seen her collapse, seen her sit down in utter exhaustion, but never actually slump.
There was no dignity in slumping.
And there was no dignity in the way Raven looked now.
He started to reach for the intercom, to call out again, but she spoke before he could act.
And it wasn't to him.
"Sadists are unbecoming," she hissed, breathing heavily through her nose. "And masochists are cowardly. You are turning us into both." A pause followed, one where Raven seemed to be listening to an unheard voice. She shook her head and feebly pounded her fist into the floor, her broken arm still held closely to her chest. "You are the one making this longer than it needs to be." Another pause. "The day I release you will never come, and he wouldn't touch you even if you did find a way to gain full control." She cringed after that, her teeth snarling as her whole body seized up. "Plaguing me with lust won't work. I won't go to him unless I am in control. If I have to suffer this ridiculous desire then you do as well. Have fun teetering on the cusp."
Beast Boy stepped away from the window, forcing himself to turn away, to stop looking. He was conflicted with abandoning her while she was in such obvious turmoil, but he was observant enough to know that inference was the last thing Raven needed at the moment.
What he wanted to do was break the glass, burst into the room with trumpets blaring, and heroically rescue his damsel in distress.
What he needed to do was turn his back, go to his room, and wait for her to come to him.
Because what she needed was to not have him around as a form of temptation, an incentive for Depravity to take hold of to overpower Raven.
He walked out of the viewing room and closed the door behind him, convincing himself to walk away, walk away, walk away.
He punched the wall on his way down the corridor, leaving behind a massive dent in the steel and whatever sense of heroism he had about himself on the floor to smolder.
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Raven took pleasure in a lengthy shower before she dressed herself down in civilian clothes and went to wait in the main room for Gar to return. She figured he wanted some time alone in the city, (sometimes the 'lone wolf' in him resulted in a strong sense of wanderlust, and he would roam the streets and shops for hours on end), so she resigned herself to curl up on the couch with a steaming cup of herbal tea, one of her Latin spellbooks, and the overcast cityscape through the vast, glass windows.
A rare moment of exquisite leisure, and she was definitely looking forward to it.
So she was calmly surprised to find Beast Boy already lounging in the main room, his lithe frame thrown onto the sofa and the television boasting an old movie from the eighties. He didn't look over when she entered, although he had to have heard her since the volume was so low. All the same, she strode up to him and stood at the back of the sofa, tugging the sleeves of her cardigan over her hands and hugging her arms to her body. Warm air pumped through the vents, but it was downright frigid in the room.
"Hey," she said quietly, staring up at the huge screen. "What are you watching?"
"Nothing," he mumbled in response, holding up the remote and abruptly changing the channel. He slid low in his seat, his black shirt riding up as he slouched in an obviously sullen matter. Raven frowned down at him.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"Did something happen while you were out?"
"No." He continued to flip through the channels, not once looking up to meet her gaze. Raven shivered and realized that the room itself wasn't cold at all, it was his countenance; his icy, dour mood was emanating from him with profound certainty, and it sent goose bumps along Raven's skin. She frowned down at Beast Boy, put off by his rancor.
"I'm sorry," she said, trying her best to leave the sarcasm out of her tone. "But are you angry with me?"
"Hm," Beast Boy grunted. "That's a hell of a thought. Why would I be angry at you?" It was so much more an accusation than an actual question, and it drove Raven to climb over the back of the sofa and sit directly in his way, settling herself on the coffee table. He was forced to look at her, and in his eyes she could feel a chill wind of repugnance.
"You're not angry with me," she said, staring into his irises. "You're disappointed with me." He held his silence for only a second before he dropped his gaze, sighing heavily as he sat up.
"Don't read my mind," he said under his breath. Raven gripped the edges of the table.
"I don't need to. You're bludgeoning me with your judgment."
"Well, I didn't mean to 'bludgeon'."
Raven breathed deeply, willing herself to tolerate his jabs. "Why?" she asked calmly. "Why are you disappointed with me?" He just shrugged, looking around the room.
"I don't know, Rae, there are a lot of reasons. You leave your teakettle out and it takes space on the stove, or sometimes you take too long in the bathroom even though you think you don't. And the other day you closed the door in Cyborg's face, which really didn't bother him although I think it was a little uncalled for."
"You are impossible," she groaned, rising to her feet and preparing to walk awat. But Beast Boy reached forward and caught her by the wrist.
"But I think the thing that I'm most disappointed about is how freely you're willing to brutalize yourself, and how avid you are in keeping said brutalization a secret." He stood, glaring down at her. "Especially from me."
She pulled out of his hold and looked away, avoiding his stare. The cold was more absolute now. Icy. Glacial.
"You should have said something," she told him quietly. "You know I don't like being spied on."
"You're not even going to try and deny it?"
"What's the point? It's useless to convince you otherwise; you saw it for yourself. Although, for the record, I highly dislike the term 'brutalization'."
"It fits."
"No, it doesn't."
"You're right. Breaking your own bones and bruising your own face are considered motivators. I forgot. Nice patch-up work, by the way," Beast Boy grumbled audibly, his eyes staring cynically at her face as he sat back down. "Honestly Rae, what are you thinking?"
She folded her cardigan closed and crossed her arms once more. "Why do you sound so appalled? None of this is new. I've been doing this same thing for the last week. You knew all about it."
He threw up his hands, exasperated. "Yeah, but you left out the cosmetically altering side effects of the process. I didn't know you liked to jack up your own face so often."
"Could you not be crass right now?" she snapped, striding away from him and towards the kitchen. "I get it, okay? You don't have to drive the point home." She marched towards the fridge and opened the door forcibly, snatching at a yogurt and slamming it shut. Her body was completely empty of any magical prowess, but her empathic pathways were still wide open and readily receiving. With no magic to mitigate what she took in it was easy for Beast Boy's resilient emotions to seep in and alter her mood. She was getting upset because he was upset and, in all seriousness, it was just making her more upset.
"You're right, that was a little harsh," he called out, twisting on the sofa so he was facing her. "I'm sorry. Too far."
"Whatever."
"But you understand where I'm coming from, right?" She leaned against the counter and dove into her yogurt cup, ignoring him. "In earnest Raven, why are you hurting yourself like that?"
"I already told you," she said through gritted teeth. "It's part of the process."
"No, it's not! When did 'draining your powers' turn into physically hurting yourself?"
"What do you think 'draining my powers' was for someone like me?" she exploded, throwing her yogurt onto the floor. Her metal spooned clanged loudly against the tile. "My powers come from my mind and my soul, Garfield! Draining them is the metaphysical counterpart of cutting myself! It's always been this painful, it's just that now this disgusting parasite inside of me isn't satisfied with theoretical maiming. She doesn't want the mental equivalent of bruises and blood. She wants the real thing!"
Raven sucked in her breath and held it, instantly unhappy that she had yelled at him. She looked down at the mess she had created and quickly snatched a paper towel from the counter top, kneeling down to clean it up. Beast Boy started to get up to help but she stopped him with one raised hand. "She's getting stronger," she said, much more calmly. "So she's integrating herself into me more severely, and we both know she's in no mindset to share control. She wants to overpower me, to take over." She wiped up the last of the yogurt and tossed her paper towel into the trash. "Weakening her into submission requires more and more each day. Hurting myself was the twisted advantage I found when it became clear she was sharing my subconscious." She went to the sink and washed her hands, letting the water run hot to counteract the coldness that still filled the room. "I'm used to physical pain. She isn't. All it takes is a bruise or a break or a little bit of both to get her to pull back."
"That's macabre."
"No white curtains or rose petals, remember?"
"No," Beast Boy replied, shaking his head vigorously and hopping over the couch. "I refuse to be okay with this and I am forbidding you to be okay with it."
"You can forbid it all you want. It won't change anything."
"There has to be a better solution!"
Raven shut off the sink and seized one of the dishtowels. "A better solution to what? To spending time with you?"
"To dealing with Depravity."
"This is it, Gar. This is the solution. You are the solution."
He walked right up to her and, to her genuine surprise, pulled her into a tight embrace. She didn't return it, didn't even lean into his hold or rest her cheek against his collarbone. She simply bore it.
"No, I'm not," he said into her hair. "I'm just a temporary fix."
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They did not lie together that night. The others wouldn't be back until well into the next day, but they didn't take advantage of the absences like they had planned to.
What they did end up doing was not talk much, sat on the couch, ordered pizza, and watched a marathon of Cary Grant films on television. It was in the middle of 'Charade' that Beast Boy closed the miniscule distance between him and Raven. His arm snaked around her waist, pulled her to him, and nestled her against his shoulder. She looked up at him, her expression indecipherable, and then scooted back across the couch, just out of his reach. When they got to 'Notorious' she was lying down against the cushions and Beast Boy was sitting on the floor, and it was halfway through 'Walk Don't Run' when she started to lay her hand on his shoulder, hesitated, and then tucked it beneath her head once again.
And that was it.
She fell asleep halfway through 'An Affair to Remember', and even though it was one of Beast Boy's favorite Cary Grant films, he barely paid it any attention. Instead he watched Raven, watched as she breathed quietly in her sleep, watched as her tense features relaxed in her slumber. He touched her cheekbone, the place where he remembered seeing the bruise, and his fingers played across her satin skin, unmarred, unblemished. A picture perfect lie.
He hated everything between them. Hated everything they had become. Hated how numb they had become to their feelings, and how willing they were to embrace the deadened persona. He hated the days that were too long, and the nights that were too scarce. Hated the hiding and the sneaking. And hated that he was thrilled by it still. He hated how willing he was to obey her, even when her commands promised herself sorrow. And he hated that the happiness he should have felt being with her was tainted with the promise of pain and, inevitably, sadness.
But, most of all, he hated himself for all the oblivious years he had spent teasing and tormenting her about her steadfast focus and her unwavering dedication for control. He had never truly realized the frustrations that came with dealing with everything Raven had to deal with, and now that he was a part of it all he felt nearly a decade's worth of guilt and remorse weigh down on his shoulders.
Raven moved in her sleep rigidly and her hair fell over her face. He brushed it aside, taking notice to how long it had gotten as time passed on. He listened as her breathing faltered for a just a moment before it fell back into a steady, pseudo-calming rhythm. Around them the voices from the television hummed as background noise, and outside the windows the lights from Jump City shone from across the water.
"I love you," he said quietly, his hand dropping to his lap as he stared at the slumbering sorceress.
She did not respond, did not hear his words.
And he knew that even if she had been awake, her reaction would have been no different.
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It was on the eleventh day that things took their first sharp turn for the worse.
And Beast Boy had no idea how much 'worse' it could get.
The alert came in the middle of the night, when the Tower was quiet and its inhabitants were sound asleep. The siren and red lights flared into existence, and the Teen Titans responded immediately, jumping from their beds and getting dressed. Raven was in Beast Boy's room, having fallen asleep next to him 'after'. At the first sounds of the alert she had risen from the bed and dressed herself in her discarded uniform within seconds.
"It's only been a few hours," Beast Boy said, tugging on his boots. "Will you be able to do this with us?"
"Regeneration is slow, but it is happening." She flexed her fingers, listening to the bones crack beneath her skin. "I can do my job."
"Be careful," he warned, standing up and grabbing his gloves. "Don't do anything risky."
"And don't do anything stupid," she replied evenly. "Like try to protect me."
He frowned at her, mainly because he had been thinking that exact thing. And it irked him.
"Robin protects Star," he grumbled. "And Star protects Robin."
"We're not Robin and Starfire," she replied, and then quickly teleported out.
As Beast Boy hurried through the halls towards the main room he tried his best to keep his irritations in check. This was not the time to dwell on his relationship with Raven. This was the time to be a Titan, and to keep his mind focused on the task at hand.
He met Cyborg on the stairwell and they both jogged towards the sliding doors. "Do you know what it is?" he asked his friend, noticing the clenched line of Cyborg's mouth.
"No. The call went straight to the main computer. Nothing showed up on my comm." He glanced sidelong at him. "Man, I am not ready for anything intense right now."
Beast Boy shook his head as they reached the doors, heaving a weighted sigh. "Yeah," he agreed. "Neither am I."
The double doors slid open revealing Robin, Starfire, and Raven already standing in front of the large screen. They all turned when the two entered, and the taut look on Robin's features was far less than comforting.
"It's the League," he said abruptly, his hands gripping his belt. "At the university."
Cyborg and Beast Boy exchanged grim looks.
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The Titans had only dealt with the League of Shadows a handful of times. They were elite, they were covert, and they were good at what they did. Unlike the thundering villains such as Cinderblock, Plasmus, and Adonis, the League was comprised of trained assassins, intelligent hackers, manipulative spies, and militaristic squads. Which meant the Titans had to work twice as hard to take them down. And Robin had to stay twice as vigilant to keep himself from evening any past scores.*
He had formed a good plan: he deployed Raven and Starfire as reconnaissance while Beast Boy and Cyborg took the T-car around to the eastern side of the university. The League had broken into one of the underground labs, most likely with the intent to steal high security research, so the Titans' best bet was to surround the enemy and keep the battle within the campus borders.
It worked for the most part. Starfire and Raven were able to identify the eight members on the job, giving locations and a quick summary of their artillery. Robin was able to cover the main access elevator while Beast Boy and Cyborg took the back entrance. The girls were to cover the roof and the underground in case any one League member found a window of escape. Beast Boy and Cyborg accomplished taking out one of the lookouts, and Robin succeeded in slipping into the lab unnoticed. It wasn't until the League's escape chopper appeared and Starfire was caught in its sights was the team's cover blown, and all hell broke loose.
It was organized mayhem. The boys were locked in fiery hand-to-hand combat, the lab proving to be a difficult maze of a battlefield. Because of their close-knit quarters Cyborg and Robin were unable to use their explosives or projectiles, and Beast Boy had to keep his transformations to a reasonable size; disadvantages the League members were quick to pick up on.
Within minutes the Titans were being thoroughly overwhelmed. Raven was battling two members in the access tunnel below ground, Beast Boy and Cyborg were teaming up against three more in the back corridors, Robin was engaging two in the lab, and Starfire was busy preventing the escape chopper form targeting civilians. It wasn't until gunfire penetrated through the windows and everyone was forced to duck that Robin escaped his assailants, sliding across the tile to meet the other boys crouching in the doorway.
"They're determined to get out," he growled, holding up his cape against flying debris. "Enough that they're willing to shoot down innocents to slip away."
"We need to open the playing field. Widen the arena and hit them with a fast ball," Cyborg said, already converting his arm into his canon. Robin pulled out three discs, moving into a crouch position. "On BB's signal?"
"Damn it," Beast Boy grumbled, already moving to the other side of Robin. "Just because I don't have anything that explodes I have to be the distraction? We need to form new battles strategies."
"Being the fastest one out of all of us helps," Robin offered, turning his head away from splintering wood and flying glass. Beast Boy wasn't convinced.
"Make sure you clear the hit zone," Cyborg said, his canon revving up. "And lead these goons out to the girls. We'll send them a wave to cover you once you're out there."
"Do not engage until you meet up with them," Robin emphasized, grabbing Beast Boy's wrist firmly. "We're not taking risks with these guys."
"I'm all for not taking the risk," he confirmed, although there was an unrelated falter when he said it. Robin frowned, taking notice, but Beast Boy shook his head. "Sorry. Just nervous. Pre-bait jitters."
"Get ready," Cyborg warned, already rising on his feet. "Go….now!"
The bullets stopped flying and a millisecond later Beast Boy went careening out of their hiding place, morphing into a fox and leaping through the maze work of lab stations and shelving. Had the terrain been flat he would have utilized the speed of the cheetah, and had there been enough airspace he would have taken flight, but stairwells and obstacles required versatility as well as speed, and he knew going small was the best chance he had of staying alive during the chase.
He made sure to dart as close to the enemy as possible, making sure he got the attention of all five opponents before he made a beeline for the exit. He sped out the door and up the stairs, his nimble feet barely touching the ground. A bullet hit inches away to his right. He forced himself to run faster.
He hurried up the stairs, his assailants closing in on him with almost every step. Damn the Shadows. They were good.
The door to the rooftop loomed above him and on the last step he leapt into the air, changed back into himself, and kicked the door open. He burst out onto the roof, landing on the hard cement and rolling to the side just as Starfire came swooping in, firing bolt after bolt over him towards the doorway. Beast Boy quickly got to his feet and whipped his head around, trying to locate the chopper. He saw it turning in the air to his left, trying to aim its guns for the Tamaranean. He gritted his teeth and ran for the edge, jumping into the air once more and changing into a swallow. He zipped through the sky, around the chopper, and in through the open side, morphing within seconds and taking out the pilots before they understood what was happening. The chopper veered aggressively to the side as the pilot slumped over the control lever, unconscious. Beast Boy reached out with tentacles to brace himself while simultaneously moving the Shadow members out of the cockpit and restraining them in the back. He morphed back into human form and slipped into the pilot's seat, grabbing the control lever and positioned his feet over the pedals.
"Okay, knowing how to fly a helicopter would be useful right about now," he mumbled to himself, fighting desperately to right the wayward bird. With his free hand he flipped open his comm, pulling up Cyborg on a voice wave. "So, I'm in the chopper. What the hell do I do now?"
"How did you get in the chopper?" Cyborg's voice demanded, shouting over the tell-tale sounds of combat. Beast Boy shrugged at the blank screen, still struggling to remain airborne.
"Because I'm amazing? Who cares! How do I fly this thing?"
"Level the cyclic and check the collective on your left side. Try to lower the bird's altitude and cover Robin and me on the second floor. Two of these guys gave up on you and came back around."
"Wait, wait," Beast Boy said, still fighting with the gears and frowning at his comm. "What the hell is a cyclic and what the hell is the collective?"
"The joystick and the thingy that controls the altitude!"
"Okay. How do I work them?"
"Do you ever pay attention when I'm giving basic operational instructions on heavy machinery, BB?"
"Hey, it's not like we have a T-copter in the garage!"
"We have an adaptable ship that can simulate the functions of a sub, a rocket, and any other fundamental aircraft! You should have some rudimentary knowledge on this!"
"Is this really the time to be lecturing me, Cyborg?"
"Beast Boy!"
The last cry came from Starfire, snapping his attention away from his communicator and to the alien flying directly toward the windshield of the chopper. She leveled herself with the craft and held a hand up, a starbolt forming like a laser point from her fingertip. It took him a few seconds to comprehend the situation before the miniscule rush of air reached his ear and he leaned aggressively to the side, narrowly dodging an attack from a black boot aimed for his head. One of the Shadow members had come to, and while he was still tied firmly to the back of the helicopter, he was tall enough that his legs could reach the cockpit. Starfire let her bolt go, and it shot through the windshield like a bullet. It hit the man in his armored chest, sending him careening to the back of the chopper. The extreme change in weight dropped the tail down too far, and Beast Boy overcompensated by pushing down on the control lever. The nose of the helicopter dove forward, right into the line of fire from one of their opponents on the roof. Sparks flew around him, and one shot hit in just the right place, igniting a fuel fire and spreading rapidly along the rotating blades. Starfire prepared to intervene, but the onslaught of bullets blocked her way.
Beast Boy frantically climbed out of the cockpit and went to leap from the craft, but as he soared through the air, and right before he had a chance to transform into a hawk, two bullets embedded themselves forcibly into his bicep. White-hot fire spread from the wounds, and he cried out in pain, his body involuntarily going limp in the air. He would have plummeted directly onto the edge of the roof if a strong force hadn't halted him mid-fall, ceasing his rapid descent. The same force seemed to engulf the unmanned chopper as well, for it hovered in the air next to him, encased in distorting darkness.
"Come here," a steady voice said next to his ear, and he turned to see Raven levitating next to him, her arms wrapping around his torso. The force of her powers left him and he sagged all his weight against her. She groaned a bit but remained airborne, her eyes glowing white and her hood thrown back. She encased them in a barrier, shielding them as she glanced at his arm. "Too much blood," she said, concern heavily etched into her tone. But it was more than that. There was a definite breathlessness in her voice, and he figured it was due to overexertion and the difficulty of holding him up.
"The chopper," Beast Boy grimaced, every little movement aggravating his right arm. "Fuel fire…if it explodes…." Through blurred vision Beast Boy watched as she opened a window in the barrier, freed one of her arms, and held it out towards the helicopter. With acute concentration she set the craft down on another section of the university before concentrating her darkness on the heart of the explosion, allowing the fire and fuel to implode while keeping the blast contained. He couldn't help but be impressed; she had succeeded in neutralizing the threat without hurting anyone else, the enemies inside the chopper included. "That was kind of cool."
"We need to get to the infirmary. You're going into shock."
"We can't. The others-,"
"Can you feel it in there?"
Beast Boy squeezed his eyes shut, wincing. "Yeah. I think they shattered."
"Hold on to me." She started to teleport and he started to panic.
"We can't leave them! We can't just-." His words were slurring together.
"Stop talking and hold on to me," she demanded, and within seconds they were gone.
.
.
.
They rematerialized inside the university's infirmary, the only light coming from a dull fluorescent lamp on the ceiling. Beast Boy nearly collapsed on the floor, and with a forced effort Raven dragged him to the nearest bed, doing her best to lay him down. His lips let out an anguished cry.
"Try not to move," she said anxiously, ripping his uniform to fully expose the wound. Blood poured over her hands.
"We left them. We just left them…."
"They're fine," she reassured him, turning on all the lights and scrambling to gather gauze and linens. "We subdued six before I came to you. They're securing the last two. Robin will take care of their backup in the copter."
"Good." He sighed and his eyes looked wild and unfocused. Raven pressed the gauze into his arm and he cried out again. "I forgot what bullets felt like," he garbled, his head moving against the pillow. "Who the fuck invented guns?"
"Please Gar, hold still. I need to pull the shards out."
"Be my guest…."
The process was miserable and lengthy. She had to go between applying pressure to the wound and mending the tissue layer by layer. The onslaught of blood made it hard to see what she was doing, and her diminishing power reserve allowed little excess to numb him. He tried his best to grit his teeth and bear it, but the pain was harsh and he was tired.
"Last one," she muttered, hovering her fingers centimeters over the exposed muscle. Once the last, minute shard floated to the surface she plucked it out of the air, dropped it on a tray with the eleven others, and flooded the entirety of her powers into his flesh, mending and fixing and repairing and healing.
Color came back to his face. The sweat evaporated from his skin. His breathing steadied. His pained mumblings died away. Within minutes two sizably raw scars stood in place of the once gaping wounds, and Raven dropped to the ground in a heap, panting. She was exhausted, and he would be light-headed from the blood loss.
Minutes passed by, measured in the shared rhythm of their heaving breaths.
Nothing waited for them.
The world outside moved on.
So they did too.
He groaned a little, whimpering like a child and trying to smooth out his breathing. He moved on the bed, even though he probably shouldn't have.
"Rae." He sat up slowly, laboriously, his features still contorted in pain as he moved. He touched tender fingers to his injured arm and flinched when he felt the scars. He didn't notice how the lights flickered dangerously, menacingly. Or how the temperature in the room dropped with the promise of cruel intention.
Raven got shakily to her feet, using the edge of the bed as leverage. Her heart was pounding, her mind was reeling, and she could feel adrenaline roaring in her veins. The acrid stench of something burning filled her senses, and she realized it was coming from within her own soul. She trembled. No, she thought desperately. This is sick. This is wrong. This isn't me.
"Raven," Beast Boy said again, and he raised his head to look at her. He was weak and helpless and unappealing when it came to the subject of physical allure. He was stained in his own blood and it mixed on his skin with dried sweat and grime.
Unattractive, if she were being superficial.
Ill, if she were being concerned.
And yet somehow Raven felt a nauseating need to fuck.
Beast Boy's glazed eyes found her own, and it took a good minute before she saw realization dawn in his stare.
Don't look at me like that, she wanted to scream. I don't want this. I'm not doing this. This isn't me.
He recoiled from her slightly, panic rising in his gaze, and when her fingers reached for his he shook his head. "Rae, no," he commanded feebly, frantically. "No, no, no. Raven, no way-,"
"Yes, Garfield," she heard herself say, and no matter how much she wanted to pull back she couldn't seem to move her body. "Yes."
Smeared with his blood, weak from the surgery, and frazzled from the battle, Raven felt ashamed at the craving that racked her body, and the power that Depravity now had over her actions.
She wanted to stand next to Beast Boy, to check his face and wait until he was strong enough so they could rejoin the others. But her demon's intentions had other plans, and she hated herself for it.
Hated herself.
"Rae, stop. Stop." He was looking at her with horror and disgust, ineptly trying to fight her off. But he was weak and Depravity was strong, and Raven already knew that by the end of it all she wouldn't be the only one who hated herself.
.
.
.
When she kissed him it felt different.
Chalky and sinister. Unforgiving. Twisted and morbid. Unwanted.
By him.
He shoved her off and it flared his injury. He cringed and stopped himself from clutching his arm.
"What the hell are you doing? This isn't the time!"
"Any time, day or night. Isn't that what we agreed upon?" she said, reaching for him again. He swatted her hand away.
"This isn't you, this is her. Don't let her control you, Rae. She's disgusting and psychotic!"
"Why are you speaking like we're two different people? I am her. She is me. We are Raven."
"Back off."
"You promised her," she hissed, grabbing the rags of his uniform and pulling. He screamed as she forced him to sit on the edge of the bed, and he nearly passed out from pain of the action. "You promised you'd help her 'control' me. You promised to give it to her, whenever she asked. So I'm asking. Now give."
"You're fucking sick."
"Isn't that the point?"
"Stop it!" He pushed her away, but she clamped a hand around his injured arm and squeezed. His cry came out as a guttural choke, stars dancing in front of his eyes. He should have passed out, but Raven's magic was strong, and she had healed him to the best of her ability.
"I can make you, if you continue to refuse," she murmured, venom dripping from the threat. "I can do exactly what I did the day when we first met. If you force me."
"No, no way."
"Did you think I was asking?"
"Get away from me!"
She grabbed his uniform and yanked him to his feet, a snarl marring the face of the girl that he had come to love. She clamped her palms on either side of his head and an aggressive sexual appetite flooded his senses. It made his world spin, ignited his testosterone, and his manhood rose despite himself. He shoved her away and staggered out of her reach, trying to shake his head of the feeling.
"Don't fight," she breathed. "Just give."
Two strides and she was upon him again, gripping his neck and kissing him as if she were killing him. Heat enveloped him, a tainted lust filled him, but he was angry and miserable and reluctant and in pain, and the mess of feelings did not mix well. She clawed at him, pulled harshly at his hair. Made everything seem ugly.
The more he fought the more she filled him with desire. The more he restrained himself the less he wanted to. And with every fevered second he could feel a menacing, predatory hostility swell in his gut.
"Give, Garfield. Give in. Just give in," she moaned, biting at his lip. He growled and turned away, gripping her hip like a vice.
"Don't do this. Don't."
"Threaten me. Make it count. Follow through, for once in your pathetic life."
"Shut up."
"Make me, Beast Boy," she begged, smiling cynically. She pushed him into a metal cabinet. Hard. Hard enough to dent it. "Shut me up."
"What is wrong with you?"
"Everything." She slapped him across the face. Stinging and quick. Enough to turn his head, his jaw feeling like it had been punched instead. He looked back at her, fangs bared. "Are you going to bite me?" He reached for her and she grabbed his arm and twisted the wrist. He yelped and yanked free, his fist finding a handful of her hair. He yanked her head back, she laughed and dug her nails into his stomach. He let her go and she clamped her hands around his head one last time. His ears rang. "Break, you worthless, insignificant, fucking pawn. Just break."
Somewhere in the depths of Beast Boy mind something small and seemingly inconsequential snapped, like a rubber band losing its resilience after being stretched too far.
He had been teetering on the edge, Depravity had given him one unforgiving push, and he had plummeted into the abyss.
It was like a berserker rage, where all thought alluded him and he was nothing but action and animosity. He grabbed her and swung her around, ramming her into the edge of a table against the wall. Her leg gave out and she fought to stay standing, the laugh coming from her cynical and amused. He let out a hateful growl and reached between her legs, ripping her uniform and yanking it up around her waist. She could have been screaming. She could have been howling. She could have been cackling. He wouldn't have known the difference.
He worked with his good arm, unbuckling his own belt and freeing himself. She started to reach for his shoulders, but he gnashed his teeth and turned her around, bending her over the metal surface. He tore at her undergarments, wrapped his fingers around her throat, and thrust into her with reckless abandon. She screamed, but her hands splayed themselves over his own, and she arched her back in pained pleasure.
He forced himself into her like a mad man, driven with a mindless sense of mating that was not his own. Every push made her cry out, and he knew she would bear bruises.
So grisly, so unrelenting.
Like mindless creatures thirsting for torture.
The table banged into the wall with their coupling, and her knees threatened to give out beneath her.
And even as she howled and shrieked, she placed his hands onto her hips, cementing him there, ensuring he wouldn't leave.
His pace quickened. Grew unreasonably fast. Gasps were forced from her lips, and her muscles tensed into stone. He was not acting on behalf of her pleasure, only towards his end. He reached his climax and pounded through it, angry tears pouring from his eyes. When he was spent he pulled out and weakly staggered away, backing himself up against the bed. Raven collapsed onto the floor, dropping to her knees, her cloak hiding her body. He could see her hands grip the edge of the table near her face, her fingers trembling. He couldn't stop the shaking in his own body, and he clutched the hem of his trousers, pulling them up through quiet convulses.
No words filled the air.
Moments grew into eternities.
Minutes passed by, measured in the shared rhythm of their heaving breaths.
Nothing waited for them.
The world outside moved on.
Beast Boy stared at Raven, disbelieving. Disoriented. Disgusted.
She turned to look at him, her face damp with sweat and her chest heaving. He saw her eyes.
Dead. Cold.
No longer black. But violet.
Familiar.
Raven's.
The world outside moved on.
But they couldn't.
.
.
.
A/N: *The League of Shadows is commanded by Batman's arch nemesis, Ra's Al Ghul, meaning Robin has had countless altercation with the organization.