When in Doubt, Add Ketchup
This came out more stream of consciousness than I had intended, so I hope there was more laughter than confusion. XD
Thank you, everyone who has read or left comments. All my love.
They'd put in two long days of getting nowhere in their investigation when Commander Shepard announced that she was calling Eight Bells and going shopping.
Since the Normandy was pretty much grounded until they found evidence against Saren, Kaidan shrugged and tagged along too. What harm would it do? It wasn't like they had found anything so far. He could use a few upgrades for his Kessler anyway.
As they walked around the markets, he thought back to their first day on the Citadel: a day that started off with a crap hearing and then dedicated to asking questions on the Presidium. He categorized the first day as uneventful—well, okay, maybe not. There was that hanar zealot and Shepard's futile attempts to get the jelly to leave the Presidium or buy a license to preach (Because it's a big, stupid jellyfish!). Oh, and the asari Consort draping herself all over Shepard, which might have been amusing if Kaidan hadn't been so damned uncomfortable.
Now that he had time to think about it, Kaidan wasn't sure what to make of the Consort. She had seemed genuinely distressed about her situation. Then the asari got into the Commander's personal space and... rubbed all over her.
And a random acolyte who happened by. And Williams, whose back instantly became ramrod straight. And Kaidan, who realized he was still flustered over it.
And Williams had been no help.
What. So. Ever.
"I'd heard asari were into this sort of thing," the Chief had whispered after the Consort had sashayed back to Shepard to… fondle the Commander again to make whatever case it was she was trying to make—Kaidan had lost track of what she was asking of Shepard when the blue alien woman had entered his personal space without his permission and had reached behind him and grabbed his ass.
Bug-eyed and embarrassed at her brazenness, it had taken all of his biotic training not to throw the asari across the room. He had stood there and had taken it like the trained soldier he was, compartmentalizing, ignoring her completely—well, almost. Shepard had remained passive, so he had tried his best not to give Consort a friendly biotic push in the opposite direction, had thought about the way the Commander had stiffened when the blue alien woman had entered Kaidan's space, and decided right then that it would not be a good idea to imagine the Commander in the Consort's place. After the Consort had stepped away, he had wondered where that particular thought had come from, but thankfully-or not-Williams had spared his brain the effort of completing the thought process.
"What was that thing you said about an attitude and a big gun?" Williams had smirked impishly repeating an earlier phrase he had told her to encourage her to not be afraid of the situation. Not funny, Williams. Her impish smirk had turned into a full-blown grin at his discomfort and ever increasing flush by the time Shepard had had enough of the groping (of herself and her marines) and had agreed to help find some turian—or something.
After they had left the Consort's presence and her office, Shepard had visibly shuddered. "I've seen some shit in the Ns," she had told them looking as though she wanted to take a dip in the lake to wash off the Consort's cooties, "but I think that was probably the weirdest experience." Pausing, she had mulled it over, and nodding she had added, "ever." Then she had turned on her heel as though nothing had happened and headed for the bank to speak with the volus who ran it.
"I hear that," Williams had agreed. "Too bad the Lieutenant liked it."
To his mortified annoyance, Kaidan could only gape at her. How the hell was he supposed to defend himself against that remark? Was she his subordinate or an annoying little sister? What the hell?
Unfortunately, the bank had been closed for lunch (Open twenty-four-seven my ass. Easy, Williams, everybody's gotta eat. Dontcha think the volus need diets, Lieutenant? No, Chief. Yeah, but- Down, Chief. Aye, aye, sir.), but the open air café they had found was nice. Though, he was more in debt after eating there than he had been before lunch…
Now, on the second day, they had already nearly been blown up by a sentient computer (All we have to do is disconnect it. Probability of detection 100%. Initiating self destruct sequence. ...or not.) and had been to Chora's Den (Put your tongue back in your mouth before you trip over it, L.T.) to find Harkin, but two of Saren's assassins had been there to ambush them.
After taking out the two turians (Those were Saren's men, Commander. Thank you, Lieutenant Obvious. You're welcome? Uh, ma'am.), explaining the disturbance-for hours-to C-Sec (The investigation into Saren has been closed, Commander Shepard. We're remedying that situation.), looking around for either Harkin or a turian general named Septimus and finding neither (Is there no one around on this damned station? Guess not, Commander. It was a rhetorical question, Lieutenant. Yes, ma'am.), and nearly getting steamrolled by an angry krogan named Wrex, the Commander made her announcement to go shopping and invited her ground team to join her.
Williams just shrugged and tagged along. "I don't have enough creds to buy anything that would do any damage in fight," she said, a grin turning the corners of her generous lips up, "but I'll watch you spend yours, Commander. Always wondered what you commando types pay rates were like."
"Shock trooper," the Commander corrected, sounded annoyed.
Kaidan's eyebrows shot up surprised at the venom that dripped from Shepard's plush lips. He wondered if the Chief had inadvertently stumbled into No Man's Land with that question. The Chief blinked, suddenly caught in said shock trooper's deadly stare. She looked at Kaidan for help, and damn it if he wasn't tempted to aid his fellow marine. He was at war with self-preservation and wanting to help a damsel in distress—though he knew said distressed damsel could plug a target at 600 meters. He'd witnessed it.
Throwing caution to the wind and thinking that there wasn't enough ketchup in the galaxy for the amount of word-eating he had done over the last two days, Kaidan went ahead and intervened. "What's the difference?" he asked, happy that his voice sounded cool and collected and innocent even.
The look Shepard leveled him with her coppery eyes frightened and aroused him all in the same instant. He licked his lips nervously, and her eyes darted down to watch before returning to meet his dark eyes. Something wild and uninhibited flashed in those odd-colored eyes. Unsure of what he saw there, he could only wait nervously until she answered. For a minute, he was unsure if she might throw him against the wall with her biotics and walk away or throw him against the wall with her body and kiss him. And he knew he was a sick bastard for thinking that either option would be fun.
Finally she gave an unladylike snort and stated, "I get a bigger gun." Then she grinned, her eyes glinting in the low lights of the market. "You two are brave, I'll give you that." Williams visibly relaxed and gave a laugh. He only chuckled and wondered if he had imagined the look of interest she had directed his way.
So they went about shopping. It surprised Kaidan that it wasn't just a shopping excursion, but the trip to the Wards doubled as an excuse to question some of the patrons.
"Feros seems to be a hot topic here," Shepard remarked after haggling with a volus over two wet wear upgrade kits and trading gossip. Thanking the volus, she nabbed her goodies and walked off, heading toward the transit. Kaidan followed, his longer strides enabling him to quickly surpass her and having to slow down to match her pace.
"Think there's anything wrong?" Williams inquired, her shorter legs requiring her to scurry to catch up with the tall Commander and taller Lieutenant. Her brow furrowed, but Kaidan didn't know if it was because Shepard had them run around the Citadel for the past two days or if she was concerned with the human colony on Feros.
"They haven't had any contact in a while."
"It's been almost fifty-six hours since the attack on Eden Prime," Kaidan mused. "Maybe—"
"Hot damn, look at that," Williams burst out suddenly as she rushed off through a door to the observation deck before it closed.
Caught off guard, Kaidan tensed, his hand automatically going for his sidearm, ready for more assassins. Shepard's hand on his shoulder and her gentle voice kept him from bringing his Kessler to bear.
"Easy, marine," she said softly. She squeezed his shoulder and moved around him, following Williams to the observation deck. The warmth in her hand was enough to stop him in his tracks, and he swallowed at the unexpected reaction to her. Fueled by the adrenaline from Williams' sudden outburst, his heart kicked, pumping blood south instead of north, making his brain fuzzy.
That… wasn't supposed to happen. He swallowed again and took a deep breath.
And mere moments later the unspeakable happened: His mouth and vocal chords worked before his brain realized what was happening. "Well, when you put it that way, there's no reason not to like you."
Both women turned from their posts at the observation deck and stared at him, Shepard's face flushed in the unnatural light, Williams' mouth agape with an eyebrow raised. There were a lot of times in his life when Kaidan Alenko had felt uncomfortable. In fact, he could count on both his hands and would have to pull off both his boots just to count the times he was uncomfortable in Shepard's presence since she boarded the Normandy.
"Uh." Kaidan fumbled for the words, inadvertently digging a deeper hole. "I mean us!" Ah, hell. "Humans! Ma'am." Definitely not enough ketchup in the galaxy.
As they stood in the Wards of the Citadel, taking in the view of the nebula, the trio of human marines looked out of place leaning against the railing. Cars, with their mass effect fields keeping them on the path they needed to be, zoomed by. Aliens ambled past on their way to who knew where. And all Kaidan could think to say was something downright idiotic when the Commander had dryly remarked about old romance vids. Oceans, beautiful women, and this emotion called love.
It hadn't helped that Williams had compared the Citadel station to Jump Zero. Digging up the past was not something he was fond of doing. Not after what had happened. The old fear of being a weapon and able to kill resurfaced. Vyrnnus' ghost and the haunted, frightened look in Rhana's eyes floated in his peripheral vision. He was on the verge of paralysis just from the words "Jump Zero" as he looked out over the sprawling metropolis of the Ward.
It also hadn't helped that the adrenaline from earlier hadn't yet faded from his system. His reaction to Shepard hadn't enabled his brain comprehend anything he was trying to say or do.
And then stupid fell out of his mouth.
Williams was the first to overcome the shock. "You don't take much shore leave; do you, L.T.?" He couldn't tell if she was joking or not.
Commander Shepard took a bit longer to regain her composure, but in the instant before she did, Kaidan realized: Oh, God. I affect her too.