Dropped Call

by Castlefan6

Authors Note: Castle missed his going away party because something unexpected came up and the Castle/Gina/Hamptons thing didn't happen etc. Castle assumes Beckett is with Demming and goes off the grid for several months. Would our favorite couple ever reconnect? From a prompt from Kato769. NOTE: AU not canon

I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only

Chapter 14

Previously

Like I said things escalated, and Demming's captain filed a complaint, I never even presented it to Kate, just suspended her for three days while I tried to figure this shit out. Then out of the blue, right after I get back from a Royal ass chewing from Boyle and Weldon, I find requests for transfers from both Espo and Ryan. I couldn't approve or tell anyone up the chain or Beckett's career is over. "

"So, you ordered her to counseling and kept the boys happy for a while anyway? What happens after she completes the training Roy, or the first time Kate acts like well Kate, what then?"

Becketts Apartment

Friday 7:00 AM

Kate had gotten word from her Union Rep that the information Roy had relayed over the phone was indeed true, the 3 sessions with Dr. Carter Burke, and any additional sessions the Doctor may order must be completed within the 8 week timeline, or she could lose her paygrade permanently and be forced to even possibly resign.

With this considered, Dr. Burke had agreed to see her for he initial visit at 7:30 AM, early for him, but he was going out of his way to reduce the stress Kate was already feeling. Kate existed the cab at exactly 7:22 AM and walked up the stairs to Dr. Burke's office, where she rang the buzzer, since it was before normal office hours.

A kind looking Afro-American man came to greet her, "Good Morning, I'm Dr. Carter Burke and you must be Detective Kate Beckett."

"Yes, I am, and it's great to meet you, I want to thank you for seeing me so soon, as you know I must have your clean bill of health within 8 weeks or face grave disciplinary actions."

"Yes, I've read the official reports, what I'm interested in is what you did, and why you did what you did, were there triggers, were you under stress, etc. so why don't you get comfortable and we'll start with your story and please don't leave any detail out, as I said I have the official report."

For the next 25 minutes Kate walks Dr. Burke through the events of the two weeks leading up to the fateful day, her change of heart, and her break up with Demming that no knew about. She had just thought that Castle would be so glad she changed her mind that he would be excited about the news, then the party, the words exchanged, and her lack of concern, or perceived lack of concern about Castle by her team members and Management, and how she accepts responsibility for the poor attitudes on her team now.

"Thanks Kate take a sip of water while I make some notes here, and ponder the answer to this question since Mr. Castle seems to be the root of the conflict why haven't you reached out and told him the story, apologized and asked him to return to the station."

After a few minutes he nods to Kate, "Dr. Burke I have made every attempt to reach Castle, I called his cell phone it goes immediately to voice mail, I called his land line, I am blocked and now threatened with prosecution if I call again, I called his cell phone, and well, I*"

Dr. Burke see's her struggling, "Go on Kate, everything is confidential here, and what is said between us is protected by Doctor /Patient confidentiality laws.

"Well Dr. Burke, it would be easier if you listened to my worst moment, rather than describing it, as she hits play on her wav player, she has saved the download to her phone, and as she plays it, bows her head.

Finally, after what seems an eternity, the tape stops, and Kate looks up, to see kindness in Doctor Burke's eyes.

"Kate when I said I had the file, I meant the entire file, including that tape but thank you for stepping forward and playing it on your own volition, ownership of wrong doing is key."

"Thanks Dr. Burke, I had a few beers at the party where Rick didn't show, I found out later of course he was in that massive traffic jam, and then when I went home I didn't eat, but chose the Vodka bottle to get enough strength to call and confront him, what the end result was is what I just played for you."

"Have you been successful in reaching Mr. Castle at all, or what is the current status of that?"

"Dr. Burke, that's the crazy part of this whole mess, Rick had been angry at me before, even over more important matters, but he NEVER has shut me out, blocked me from his building, his phone, the only way anyone can contact him is through his agent Paula Haas, even his publisher must go through her.

I got through to her, and I know she relayed a message of apology to him, his response was "tell her I received her voice mail I am working on a proper response to it, I'm sorry I was such a burden to everyone there," and no matter how many more texts I send to Paula to send to him, there is no answer."

"Do you think Ms. Haas is being truthful when she tells you she passed along the messages?"

"Doctor in my line of work I deal with some of the best liars in this world, but yes, I know Paula has done what she could, she loves him and wants him to be happy even if it's not with her, she told me that was why he trusted her, and not me."

"Kate you say you have tired all forms of communication to apologize and to ask forgiveness, I heard, text, voice mail, cell phone, land line, building visit, did I miss anything?"

"No Doctor, like I said, I have tried everything, in all forms."

"Kate I'm surprised that you are missing the most obvious,"

"I don't understand Doctor, what have I missed, how can I make this right?"

"Write a letter Kate, one from your heart, and write it as if you were speaking to him across from you, don't worry about the format, spelling, or punctuations, what you really need to be sure is that it contains the same message you would convey if he were in his office at the Loft and you were talking to him, one on one."

"Doctor, I am terrible at writing letters, I mean I don't know what to say,"

"Did you just listen to what I described? "He reached over and played a small recorder back to give her instructions once again.

"This is not going to be easy Kate, and it's not something that will be quick, I expect to review your progress in our next session, unfortunately we are out of time for today.

Please make an appointment for next week on your way out, and Kate, if you get stuck on the letter, I am always available at this 7:30 time slot once you arrange it."

Kate stops by and makes an appointment for the first appointment of the morning next Wednesday, no sense pissing Montgomery off any more than he is already, and then thinks to herself, write a Fucking letter, her, who could hardly think of something to write for a Birthday or Anniversary Card, this is going to be tons of fun.

She has two more days to serve on her suspension, so what else has she got to do, her normal chores had already been completed, some twice out of boredom. As she walks out of Doctor Burke's office, she recognizes the coffee shop where Rick gets, well used to get, their morning coffees. As she enters, she takes in the aroma's that only freshly ground coffee beans could emit. When she places her order, the young lady stares at her for a second,

"Is there anything wrong Miss, I mean you are staring?"

"I'm very sorry, one of our regular customers orders the very same drink every morning and we haven't seen him in a week, it just made us think of Mr. Rook and hope he is OK, he never missed a day, always smiling and so generous, it's strange for him just to vanish like that. He would tell us if he had to travel, think he was a Consultant of some sort, anyway I'm rambling, your order will be right up, I'm very sorry"

"Thanks, and I hope your friend Mr. Rook is safe and returns soon, I'm sure it was just last-minute change in plans, he'll be back soon I'm sure of it." Kate thinks to herself, where the hell is, he, and how can one man have impacted so many people and I was so blind. He didn't treat anyone different, they were all important to him, equally, whether they were homeless on the street or some dignitary he had met.

She allowed her mind to go back to the day she met Ca, Rick, and all of the kind acts he had done for her and others, as she walks to her apartment. By the time she reached her front door she has quite the list so she decided that would be the basis to write her letter from, all the good things he had done for so many, and her failure to see, or acknowledge and beg for forgiveness.

She was just beginning to see the depths of this man's heart, how deeply he loved was also the depth he could hurt and she's pretty sure she did a great job in pushing him as low as he could be. Why? Even asking herself she couldn't answer the question.

Something about him made her feel different than other men had made her feel, what was it? Safe, Secure and totally loved in the few moments she had allowed him inside the fortress walls? That was it and it scared her to death, what if she gave in and then he took that feeling away, she wouldn't be able to cope, so better not to even start. Well on with the letter ***

Orion Hotel

Toronto Canada

7:00 AM Saturday

Trey had awakened and quietly showered and dressed, she wanted to show Rick that she did care about him by having room service send up breakfast, which she would serve to him in bed. As she made her way quietly out to the Den area, she saw a piece of paper laying on the table with a Rose in a single vase on top to hold it in place.

"Trey,

I couldn't sleep, so I went down to the gym to work off some stress, the gift shop had this rose in the window, so I had to get it for you, hope you like it. Don't make anything out of it, I needed a paperweight for this note anyway. I've had all my mail forwarded to a PO Box here so I am multi-tasking by running to the Post Office and back, should be enough to get this stress monkey off my back and allow me to be a decent companion for you during what ever we do today, that is if you still want to. I understand if you don't. Anyway, I hope the noise from me leaving this morning didn't wake you,

Be Back Soon,

Rc"

Trey is struck, with first the note, then looking closer, he had never been anything to her but Rick, yet the signature was Rc probably from initialing so many documents as Richard Castle, it had become his default signature for matters not close to his heart.

Was that how he felt now? Didn't she matter or was it that he was now, in safe mode to protect his own damaged heart? Did she really misjudge his feelings that badly? It seemed the better shape they were becoming, understanding her motives and actions, in her eyes, the further apart they had drifted in Ricks.

She returned to her room, and softly sobbed as she lay on her bed, remembering all of the hurt, and pain her past relationships had brought to her, and now had she done this to Rick? Why did it hurt so much about how he felt? Duh, I think I love him, as the realization finally dawned on her,

He was willing to let go of everything to be with her 10 days ago, but she had instilled doubt, and worry, now throw in flirting, and yes if she would be truthful she did flirt with Gregg, his best friend. It felt good to feel like a woman men desired, willing to battle over as if a spoil to the victor of a war. Now she felt stupid, and even more confused, and pretty sure Rick would not be her Rick again for a long time, if ever, and she had no one to blame but herself.

She heard the door close then the door to Rick's suite close, hurriedly applying makeup to conceal her watery, red eyes she walked out to the Den, still no Rick. Enough of this, it's Saturday he promised to spend time with me and damn it he's going to starting now.

She knocks on his bedroom door, expecting him to be sweaty and breathing from his run, as the door opens, he is neither

"Hey Trey, sorry did I wake you?"

"Actually no, I was up early trying to surprise you with breakfast in bed, and found your note, Thank you for the rose, it's beautiful. I thought you went for a run to the post office, why aren't you al sweaty and icky?"

"I showered in the gym, after I got back, and thanks for the thought, sorry I spoiled it"

"Well Rick, it seems like I've spoiled more than a breakfast in bed surprise, I feel like I have broken us, the us that faced this nightmare together. I'm sorry, I was weak, I know it must feel like you're staying with two identical twins who have exact opposite values, and for that I'm sorry as well."

"No Proble*"

"Rick, please don't tell me no problem, there is a big problem, well for me, I miss my Rick, the one who had my back, and knew me better than I knew myself. I thought I was doing the right thing when I told you we couldn't move forward till you took care of your feelings, turns out that I do love you, more than I knew. I'll take any part of you that you'll give me."

Rick hangs his hand, and sadly looks into her eyes,

"Trey, I've had my heart broken by every woman I've ever loved, you included, and now I just can't put myself out there like that. I do Love you but am I in love with you? How can I be when we both know that there are unresolved feelings for someone else, and I won't be the one to make you feel like I have recently.

I'll still be your Rick, I still have your back, and I still will do anything in this world to make you happy, BUT you were right, let's hold off with anything more, at least for now."

Trey begins to sob, "I've ruined the only chance I ever had, me and*

Rick pulls her into him kissing her gently and sweetly, then just holds her as she sobs, but all the tears in the world couldn't wash away the feelings of hurt, disappointment and depression he was feeling about one New York Detective at the moment.

We'll see Trey, we'll see.

TBC