Chapter 8

Hearing a knock at his apartment door, Castle called out, "Coming!" and jogged the short distance from the kitchen to the front door. When he pulled it open, he laughed aloud at what he saw: Kate wearing a knit cap, black puffy coat, and holding a carnation in her outstretched hand. "What…ah…" He stammered a bit, caught off-guard by the gesture. "Are you serious? You brought me a flower?"

She grinned a little bit wider and said, "Gotta keep the joke going, Castle."

He gave his head a little shake, plucked the flower from her grasp, and ushered her into their apartment. He then walked into the kitchen, grabbed a cup from the cabinet, filled it halfway with water, and dropped the flower inside. He then placed it aside, intending to let Alexis have it when she returned from the babysitters.

"Ready to paint the town?"

He chuckled deeply and reached for the coat he left hang on the back of one of the kitchen chairs. "Something like that. C'mon; let's go."

She nodded and then led the way out of the apartment and down to the street for the beginning of their non-date date.

The prior week, Castle felt as though he was finally over the hump of the most stressful period of his life. Alexis was back in school full time and seemed nearly one hundred percent back to normal after her accident, which was excellent news. Insofar as her recover, he could not have asked for better. The situation with his ex-wife, on the other hand, was not going as well. For the first few days after Alexis was home from the hospital, Meredith called him frequently to yell at him even though he always sent her calls directly to voicemail. She tried to get at Alexis through his mother and by showing up at his apartment, but he refused to let her in, as her visits were too distressing to their child. These events culminated in Meredith telling him that he would soon be hearing from her lawyer. Castle then spent the next few days eating antacids by the dozen and stressing out over every phone call. Finally, when eight days passed and he heard from no lawyers, he felt it safe to assume Meredith had been deterred either by the cost or simply the inconvenience it caused her.

Throughout the process, Kate had been equally kind and patient with him, particularly when he called her to complain or talk things through—even though he had done so the prior night, and the night before. He knew he was being annoying, but he also needed to feel as though he wasn't alone, and she was the person most likely do to that.

When he expressed to her he felt the whole ordeal was behind him, she expressed how happy she was to hear that, then immediately suggested they spent a night out on the town to celebrate. "What? Like…a date?" had been his confused response, to which she sighed and said, "Does a man and a woman spending time together always have to be a date?"

They'd gone back and forth a few times before a clearly frustrated Kate blurted out, "Fine, it's a non-date date. The point is that you look stressed and exhausted and you need a break. A night out on me—what do you say?"

And who was he to say no to that?

As they walked to the subway stop nearest Castle's apartment, Kate informed him of their plans to get drinks and some appetizers before going to a movie. He had no complaints about this but continued to check his phone as they traveled to the bar she chose. Rationally he knew that Alexis would be fine, and she had been at that babysitter's apartment plenty of times before, but it was the first time he was leaving her for more than just an hour since her accident—not to mention the Meredith fiasco. He knew it was irrational, but his writer's brain feared that somehow Meredith would find a way to show up and kidnap Alexis in his accident, thus he continually checked his phone in case of emergency.

Once at the bar, Kate ordered beers for both of them along with some nachos and wings. They made their way to a high-top table to wait for their foot and Castle placed his phone down, unconsciously checking the display every few minutes, and only passively participating in the conversation Kate was trying to engage him in. Something about the Knicks…

"Hey—Earth to Castle!"

"Wha? Sorry, sorry." He apologized quickly when Kate tapped her fingers against his hand to rouse his attention. "I'm listening—what about the last game?"

She eyed him suspiciously. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Great! Then you don't need this," she said as she landed her fingertip on the top edge of his phone and slid it across the table in her direction.

His heartrate jumped immediately. "Wait—what?"

She picked up the device and gestured in his direction with it. "If you're checking it every three seconds, you're not relaxing and taking your mind off things."

"But-"

"It's okay," she told him calmly. "It'll be in my purse. We will hear it if it rings and I will check it for texts from the babysitter every twenty minutes."

As the word kidnapping flashed in his brain he argued, "Fifteen minutes!"

"Fine."

Though he didn't like the idea of being separated from his phone, he knew Kate was right. He wasn't paying any attention to her or taking his mind off the things stressing him out, which was the entire point of that evening. Thankfully, their food arrived a minute later, which proved a decent distraction as they shared the wings and nachos.

"Oh, before I forget—Alexis wants you to come over Saturday so we can make Christmas cookies together."

Kate's expression turned hesitant, as though he'd invited her to wrestle alligators instead of bake sugar cookies. "Oh, um…I don't have to do that with you guys. Sounds like a family thing."

"But she specifically asked that you be there. She…we were talking two nights ago about what happened when she was asleep," he said of the way they had chosen to describe her temporarily comatose state. "She was worried about me…worried that I was alone, but I told her I had my mother…and you."

"That's why she wants me to come?"

Noticing the continued hesitation in Kate's voice, he offered a smile. "Yes. Is that not okay?"

"I'm not sure."

Never having anticipated her turning down the invitation, his brow wrinkled and he leaned in a bit closer to her. "What's the matter? If you're not up to mixing ingredients you can man the cookie cutters with Alexis."

Kate gave a gentle shake of her head and grabbed a napkin to wipe her fingers on. "It's not that. I…you know my mother died in early January, right? We…we still had the decorations up. The tree, stockings, lights…everything. So, after the funeral, after we packed up her office and all the things we had to, we finally got around to putting away the Christmas decorations and it was like we were putting Christmas away forever. All the holidays, actually."

Castle leaned back in his seat and considered her statement. So her feelings had nothing to do with him or Alexis or an aversion to baking desserts; it had to do with her mother, which made much more sense, but was still disppointing for him.

What he knew about Kate's mother's death had been pieced together from several different conversations and a little of his own research. The elder woman had been stabbed to death on a cold January night when Kate was only nineteen. The police had written off the event as a random, gang-related incident, and thus the killer was never found. As far as he understood it, this event defined Kate's adult life, not only because she lost a parent so young, but because the unsolved crime caused her to change her career path from one that involved law school to one that involved the police academy.

While Castle admired the noble way Kate handled such a tragic event, he knew just how hard it was for her to be a detective solving crimes only to have her mother's murder be unsolved. He also felt the hurt she suffered at such a young age made her shield her heart far more than she needed to. Thankfully, with him and his daughter, he felt those walls had begun to slide down, but at the same time, if the holidays were a trigger for her, he didn't want to push too hard.

Tentatively, he asked, "You really don't celebrate Christmas at all?"

"Not really. Just like on Thanksgiving my dad will be at his cabin. He usually comes back the second of January. We have dinner and exchange small gifts then. It just…I never feel like celebrating because not having here there is just… well it hurts a lot more on a holiday like that."

He offered a kind smile. "I understand that, but—and forgive me if I'm overstepping but—then it's almost like you're preventing yourself from having any joy?"

He watched her spine stiffen and she clutched her beer bottle a little bit tighter. "I find joy in other things, just not family things."

Knowing he was edging on pushing too hard, he decided to relent so as not to ruin the rest of their evening. "Well, if that's your decision I'll just tell Alexis that-"

"No." She jumped in quickly. "I—I'll come make cookies."

He arched his brow in surprise. "Really?"

She nodded. "Sure. I mean…Alexis wants me there and she was in a coma this month."

A breathy laugh escaped his lips. "And if you let her, she will remind you about that constantly and guilt you in to giving her whatever she wants because of it." Ice cream for dinner included, he thought to himself.

Kate's smile returned, and she lifted the bottle to her lips. "I'm sure. She learned it from you."

"Hey!"

"It's true!"

He shrugged. "It really is. I created a monster…"

"But she's a cute monster."

"A darn cute one," he agreed. After nearly losing his daughter, Castle had no problem caving to her desires for ice cream for dinner and some extra chocolate chips in her pancakes—at least until the new year. Then he'd need to cut back so her treats didn't get too far out of hand, but he couldn't blame her too much. Were he in her situation, he definitely would have milked such an injury for all it was worth.

"So," Kate asked before popping part of a chip into her mouth, "what kind of cookies will we be making?"

"Sorry the movie was a bit of a bust." Kate sighed as they walked into the lobby of Castle's apartment building. When they got to the theater, they only had two choices of movies starting within the next fifteen minutes or they would have had to wait. Castle let her choose, and she took a gamble on the lighter and funnier seeming of the two options, but during the ninety-minute film she hadn't laughed as much as she had groaned or cringed.

"No, no it was fine," he said. She gave him a pointed look and he adjusted his answer. "I mean, it was terrible, but good as a distraction. You were completely right, I really needed this."

She nudged his arm with her elbow. "What partners are for, right?"

"Something like that. You gonna walk me to my door, too?"

"I think I have to." She replied, half-joking, but as long as she was in the building, riding up the elevator didn't seem too much of an inconvenience.

Once they were in the ascending car, Castle began, "Hey can I ask—what will you do for Christmas?"

"I'm on shift. I work so those with families don't have to."

He nodded. "Well, if you're hungry when you get done, we'll have plenty of ham, mashed potatoes, and anything else you might want."

Kate stepped out of the elevator on the correct floor and stuffed her hands down into her coat pockets. "I'm not going to intrude on your first Christmas with just you and Alexis, Castle." As kind as her partner's offer was, she was not yet ready to participate in any Christmas festivities—a meal included. She also did not want to intrude on his family time, particularly when it was a change for them—and after a stressful month, no less—but felt that argument was a softer blow than one that laid out her own issues with holiday events.

"Kate," Castle began, his voice almost alarmingly tender as he skimmed his hand down her bicep. "You are never an intrusion." His body tilted ever so slightly towards hers and Kate felt her breath hitch in her throat.

God, was he going to kiss her? Then? After their non-date date? Yes, she had considered kissing him at some point in the future, but not then. Not when she felt the wound of her mother's murder had just been picked open again at the mere discussion of the holiday before her death.

Before Castle could move any closer, she did a small hop back and said, "Well, it's getting late," and then immediately fought a cringe, since it was barely after ten p.m.

Surprise skittered across his face for a moment, but to his credit he recovered well. "Oh. Yeah. Sorry."

She began backing her way towards the elevator, groping behind her for the call button. "No, no don't worry about it. Glad you had a good time."

"Me too."

"Right, well-"

"Kate?"

"Yeah?"

"My phone?" he asked while stretching out his arm.

She cursed under her breath having momentarily forgotten I was still in her purse. "Shit sorry—sorry." She apologized as she pulled it from her bag's side pocket and passed it over.

He took it with a gracious nod. "Don't worry about it. So, um, Saturday—one o'clock? For the cookies."

She nodded. "Yeah that's fine. I'll, um, see you then." Then, with a small wave, she frantically pressed the elevator call button until it opened. She slipped inside the car and turned to see Castle watching her cautiously. She gave an awkward smile and a little wave until the doors closed at which point she covered her face with both hands. God, she was such an idiot. Hopefully her partner wouldn't hold it against her.

A/N: thanks so much for reading!