That night his bed felt so empty and cold. He cuddled with her pillow, drinking in her faint cinnamon scent and pretended that Chie's warmth against his back was really Ritsuko's. He slept fitfully, tossing and turning. Her memory taunted and teased him, keeping sleep just out of his reach. At last he climbed out of bed to make a warm cup of milk. That always helped soothe his troubled thoughts. He sat at the table and rested his head in his hands as he waited for the milk to cool.

Soon he heard Chie whimper as she entered the kitchen. She hopped onto his lap and nudged his hand with her nose. He looked down to see her sad eyes. She mewed pitifully which made him crack a sympathetic smile. "I know girl," he commiserated as he patted her head. "I miss her too."

He took a swig of the milk and set it down with a sigh. It helped ease his mind but not his aching heart. This is ridiculous, he cursed himself. How can I be mourning what was never mine to begin with? But perhaps that was what made it worse.

What he didn't know was that Ritsuko was awake too and feeling just as awful. Even though she'd been happy to see Shizako again, it was harder to leave Kisame behind then she'd imagined it would be. It was even harder to try to forget him, especially as she slept alone on the cot. She felt cold and wrapped her arms around herself as she tried to remember his warmth. Her heart ached. She never should have asked him to do that in the first place…then again she didn't think it was going to happen again after the first night.

It's hard to suppress your heart and put a smile on your face but it was something she was good at. Only Shizako didn't fall for the act but thinking it was because of the recent trauma she didn't press the issue.

At work Ritsuko was happy to see Kisame, smiling so brightly like he'd never seen before. To see her again, to be so close made his heart race impossibly fast. He wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss her sweet mouth so hard that it made her groan…NO! He couldn't and he wouldn't. He had to withdraw, hold back. It was necessary to save their friendship. That caught her off guard and it hurt. She didn't understand why he was acting so cold all of a sudden but took the hint and started to avoid him too. This went on for about two weeks.

That hurt the friendship…and nearly destroyed it. He felt trapped. To make peace with her he'd have to admit why he had distanced himself to begin with. He couldn't do that, and was at a loss of what to do.

It was during this time that he had a surprise visitor. One late afternoon, there was a knock at the door and he was shocked to see Deidara standing there. He blinked in surprise at his smirking face. "So what's up?" He said cheerfully.

Kisame frowned at him. "What do you want?"

Deidara pouted. "What kind of greeting is that?"

"I'm not in the mood for your crap," Kisame growled. He made to close the door but Deidara entered anyway.

He slung his coat over the back of a chair. "Given your terrible mood I'm assuming that you already know."

"Know what?" Kisame demanded. "Out with it Dei I have no time for games."

Deidara solemnly pulled an envelope out of his pocket and handed it to him. Kisame felt a sense of dread when he recognized the names on the address: Sasori and Kaneko. He didn't want to see what was inside…but he was dying to know. He pulled out a stiff, formal piece of paper. His eyes went impossibly wide and he collapsed into a nearby chair.

It was a birth announcement.

He just stared at the picture. Their smiling faces, bright eyes, how they leaned in closely, intimately as they gazed down at their baby. THEIR baby…not his…not the one that should have been his. The picture fell through his numb fingers and flitted down to the floor.

Deidara sighed dismally as he bent down to retrieve and pocket it. "I'm sorry, I thought that you knew."

Kisame turned his hollow, heart-broken, eyes. "Why…why torment me?"

He frowned down at him. "Torment? No, that's not my intent at all." He smiled widely. "In fact, I came to cheer you up."

Kisame glared at him. "How dare you-"

"Oh come on man, you can't let this get you down. They're happy and you should be happy too. In fact you deserve it even more. And I'll prove it to you."

He frowned in exasperation. "What are you getting at?"

"There's a Rave party tonight, at the Flicker Flit Nightclub."

"And your point?" Kisame asked dryly.

"Let's go, you and me, just like old times."

Kisame's frown deepened. "NO."

"Itachi said you haven't gone to a Rave since Kaneko."

Of course not. That's where he'd met her for the first time. Why on Earth would he go back? He'd only be tormented by the memories.

"You used to love Raves; c'mon it'll be lots of fun. Consider it a new beginning."

Kisame opened his mouth to protest further but suddenly shut it again. He stared at Deidara as his words sunk in: a new beginning. Perhaps that's the answer! A new beginning, a start over! How refreshing the very sound of it was. THAT was what he needed. And the kid was right, why not? Why hide any longer from things he once enjoyed? He jumped to his feet. "Alright, let's go."

"Now you're talking, hm!" Deidara crowed. "See you there at 10pm."

Kisame nodded and Deidara let himself out. Kisame went to his room and looked through his clothes to find his old Rave clothes. It'd been so long…hopefully they still fit. He pulled on a pair of black leather pants that were originally baggy but now form-fitting. It looked even better. Then he pulled on a neon green fishnet shirt that was ripped in places. He admired his reflection in the mirror and grinned. He looked great.

What he didn't know was that Shizako was talking Ritsuko into going to the very same party. Ritsuko was just as reluctant. She didn't want to and didn't feel like it. Normally it was her thing, her scene, but her heart just wasn't into it.

"C'mon," Shizako murmured as she pulled her into a gentle hug. Normally Ritsuko would resist but she stood absolutely still, hands down at her side. It was like she was numb and that scared Shizako. "Please don't shut me out," she pleaded. "I'm here…I'm here…"

"I know," Ritsuko whispered.

"Where's that resilient girl I know? Where's the wild partier?"

Ritsuko giggled softly. "I miss her too," she confessed.

"Then let's go!" Shizako pulled back with a smile. "Let's have fun! Just like we always do."

Ritsuko wore a small half-smile and nodded. "Alright, let's do it."

They dressed up with brightly-colored wigs, and wore skimpy, tight clothes. It was totally fun and brought a genuine smile to Ritsuko's face. She felt sexy and loved it. So both her and Kisame arrived at the dance club at different times, each feeling a sense of initial optimism. The large crowd danced in bright, neon glory as the music pounded throughout the room.

Docta docta, need you back home, baby
Docta Docta, where you at?
Give me something
I need your love
I need your love
I need your loving
You got that kind of medicine that keeps me comin'

My body needs a hero
Come and save me
Something tells me you know how to save me
I've been feeling weird, oh!
Oh, I need you to come and rescue me

Make me come alive
Come on turn me on
Touch me, save my life
Come on and turn me on
I'm too young to die
Come on and turn me on
Turn me on
Turn me on
Turn me on
Turn me on

At first it was a lot of fun. The stress and anxiety slipped away and Ritsuko let loose. She laughed as she danced. Then she froze when she heard a familiar, girly giggle. She turned to see Kankuro and his girlfriend grinding on the dance floor. It made her stomach twist nauseously. What a killjoy. She turned away, making an excuse to get a drink and left Shizako dancing on her own. As yet she hadn't seen Kankuro so she didn't think to follow after her. Ritsuko left the dancing floor and went down the hallway. She wanted to be alone.

Kisame meanwhile had a hard time enjoying himself. Initially he had high hopes in enjoying himself. And at first he did, but then Deidara ditched him to pursue a drunk ditzy girl, and he was left to himself. That's when the memories suffocated him. It was in a place like this that he had first met Kaneko. They connected immediately, just like love at first sight. It had been perfect. He felt so foolish and turned to leave. He just wanted to be alone. The hallway was dark and he had a hard time trying to find his way out. He opened one door and found the room dark and empty. Suddenly it seemed more inviting than sitting outside in the car and he entered. Locking it behind him he went over to the window and sat on the windowsill. The view of the city below made him feel so small and insignificant. Like his petty little problems didn't really matter. And he knew that in the grand scheme of things, they didn't. Other people got over their heartaches and moved on to have happy successful lives. They got second chances…and he nearly had. But Ritsuko too was beyond his reach.

He sighed as he rested his head against the cool glass.

"You too huh?" A female chuckled wryly.

He turned to see Ritsuko emerge from the shadows. He did not recognize her in her rave clothes, make-up, and wig. But she knew it was him. She smirked gently as she looked him over. He looked like a sexy rock star. He frowned warily. "I didn't mean to intrude…" he began.

She waved him off. "Relax, it's not like it's my place. I just had to get away from there."

"You too huh?" He chuckled grimly as he settled back down. He didn't know this girl but she seemed nice enough. "What a sad bunch of suckers we are."

"I know right?" She giggled softly. But her smile faded at the sight of his miserable face. She had never seen him look so depressed. "What's wrong?"

He smirked and looked at her dryly. "You really want to hear my sad pathetic story?" He asked sarcastically.

"Well of course I do," she said as she sat down.

He raised a questioning eyebrow. Why did this stranger even care? But there was something in her eyes that made him feel at ease. What harm could there be in confiding to a stranger? It's not like she knew him.

"When I was an undergrad in college I used to really party it up. I went to frat parties, raves, you name it. If the place had a good beat, beer, and company I was there." He smirked at the fond memories of him, Itachi, and their friends. They really raised hell in their time. Sadly most of them transferred away to other Universities or even worse became more responsible, but there was no denying the great times they used to share. "At a Rave, I met Kaneko Nakamura. She was incredibly sexy."

Ritsuko felt a flare of jealously start to choke her. Suddenly she wondered if she really wanted to hear this story after all. He didn't notice her glare and continued on. "She knew how to have fun, all right. She pulled me onto the dance floor and stole my heart then and there." He smiled fondly as he recalled her long, flowing black hair that swayed in time to the music, her pale blue eyes, full red lips, ivory skin, and that tight little outfit that showed her body off to perfection. "She was so full of life and free-spirited. I wanted to spend all my time with her; all day, every day."

His voice trailed off slowly and his smile slipped away. "So what went wrong?" She asked softly.

"Perhaps she was a little too free-spirited," he smirked in exasperation. "I introduced her to a close friend of mine and she fell for him immediately…or rather I should say that she fell for his money," he said bitterly. "It was like I no longer existed," his voice cracked. "All I did to make her happy, to please her, was easily forgotten. She left me with absolutely no regrets, hardly a backward glance even."

"What a jerk!" Ritsuko hissed angrily.

He looked at her curiously and chuckled grimly. "And here I thought all girls stick together. Oh well, not that it matters anyway. It happened a few years ago."

"But it still hurts," she whispered softly.

He flinched at her keen insight. "Yes…love hurts deeply when it goes wrong."

"But it wasn't really true love," she gently countered as she scooted a little closer.

"That doesn't lessen the heartache though," he grumbled as his gaze lowered for a moment. Then he looked up to see her sympathetic gaze. The thought of her feeling sorry for him randomly made him laugh. "Do you pity me? Feel sorry for me? Just wait until you hear the best part."

She blinked in surprise and remained silent.

"I met this other girl, even more incredible, a few months ago at a friend's party. She was a piece of work; sarcastic, witty, a real spit-fire beauty. The problem? I ruined any chance I had with her when we had a drunken one-night stand."

Ritsuko suddenly found it hard to swallow. He was talking about her. He had to be…so did that mean that he didn't recognize her and thought she was just a stranger? She didn't dare correct him as she eagerly waited to hear what else he'd say.

"Pretty despicable huh?" He asked wryly. "Definitely wasn't one of my greatest moments. Amazingly she forgave me and we became really close friends. But…" he paused for a moment as his gaze lowered once again. "I selfishly wanted more. I loved her…though I had no hope of receiving it in return."

"Why not?" Her voice cracked as she felt her heart pound. "Why didn't you tell her?"

"I don't deserve her," he whispered. "Not after what I did. She foolishly forgave me…but I will never forgive myself."

He fell silent and at first she didn't know what to say. She was in shock and couldn't believe it. He loved her? Really? That made her heart soar but at the same time she was tempted to smack him. Stubborn fool, why didn't he just tell her how he felt? She blushed with shame. She was just as guilty because she too had been unable to say how she felt about him. What a pair of fools they both were. But perhaps there was a chance…to change all that. She couldn't bear to let him walk away still in doubt of her feelings.

"What if some things are meant to be?" she whispered as she leaned in close to him.

He frowned slightly as that stirred his memory. She took advantage of his hesitation and kissed him. He stiffened and was about to push her away until he recognized the taste…and detected the familiar scent of cinnamon. It could only be one girl. He pulled her wig off and recognized that spiky amethyst hair. "Suko," he groaned with pleasure as he pulled her into his arms and kissed her back.