Intercourse of Ill-Repute [past tense]

Notes and Notices: Big facepalm here. I feel like a dumbass for not doing the research I should have on the Knossos system before writing anything that had to do with Therum. D: There's a human colony (according to the Wiki) on Therum that I never really paid much attention to (neither did the game, but I digress…). I made some changes to the last chapter reflecting that on 1/1/2011 – and ended up making the chapter more boring than it had been. So here's some action and humor. /runs and hides

Boom!

"Shit."

Garrus nodded, heartily agreeing with Alenko's assessment of the situation as he ducked out of cover to line up his sights on a red-armored geth trooper that was trying to flank them. It took two inferno rounds to bring the thing down, white fluids splattering and sizzling on the ground as the thermal paste ate away at the geth's strangely-shaped head.

"Keep them distracted until the Commander can get the Mako into position," Alenko ordered.

Garrus could tell always tell if Alenko was angry. The human used more colorful terminology and his voice deepened slightly. Alenko had already used the human intercourse of ill-repute word twice – according to Garrus' translator, once in the past tense regarding the squad and the geth Colossus edging its way toward them… though Garrus was quite sure that he hadn't participated in anything of the sort, and definitely not with humans.

Most of the human element of the Citadel spoke Galactic Trade, so he hadn't thought of purchasing the upgrades for his translator to interpret the human languages. On board the Normandy, he tried to stay away from the humans that were...problematic. There were several – including Williams – who didn't seem to want him onboard. He mentally snorted at that idea. Saren and the geth were the threats. They were trying to take over the galaxy. Not the turian species. As Garrus opened fire on another trooper, he knew why the humans held a grudge against him and his species. It made his plates itch. Like he had anything to do with the Relay 314 incident.

And Saren was only making his people look worse.

Garrus found himself wishing he could say the intercourse of ill-repute word in the humans' language, but humans' mouths were better shaped to pronounce the interesting-sounding syllable. The closest he'd come to being able to say it was "Tok", but no one but Tali had been around for him to say it and she had only cocked her head to the side as she helped him upgrade Precious' sensor array.

Boom!

Williams' imaginative use of intercourse of ill-repute also had to do with maternal, matriarchs, or possibly mothers, and she'd shouted for the geth to "Bring it!" Her words had confused his translator's VI so Garrus didn't know what the hell she was talking about. He'd have to ask her later and get his translator adjusted to reflect Palaven High Standard so he would at least understand it when she swore at…well, the Chief swore at just about everything now that he thought about it. She exuded a don't-mess-with-me attitude. Garrus personally thought she was trying too hard, but knew that telling her would probably get him either a fist in the mouth or a round in the ass and both of those options didn't sound very appealing to him.

Another red-armored geth came around the corner of their makeshift barricade – a larger boulder. Garrus set his sniper rifle down and pulled out his assault rifle. He felt sluggish. He didn't know if it was because the gravity of Therum was twice as much as most parts of the Normandy or if it was the heat. Not only did they have to deal with the heat of Knossos, they had to deal with being less than 100 meters from a river of lava. The geth went down but not before getting a few shots in itself. Luckily, the rounds didn't make it through Garrus' shielding mods.

The sweltering heat of the planet reminded Garrus of, well, Hot Things. Home was hot, but, damn. Not this bad. At least Palaven had oceans with water, not lava. Thinking of Home reminded him that he needed to call Mother. The thought brought him up short and he paused for a split second in returning fire on another geth.

His thoughts were interrupted by Williams tackling him to the rocky ground. He wished he hadn't decided to leave his helmet in the Mako when his fringe painfully hit the ground.

Boom!

Debris from the impact rained down on them; Garrus shielded his eyes.

"Keep your damn head down, Vakarian!" the Chief shouted before jumping up and returning fire.

Garrus, embarrassed by his lack of focus, angrily grabbed his rifle and got back into position, rubbing his throbbing fringe. He was sure she only did that for an excuse to push his ass down like he was some –

Crack!

"Got you, you bastard," he grumbled, his mindset somewhere between smug and not-quite-as-angry with Williams as he waited for his weapon to cool down enough to fire again.

The Colossus took a few more paces closer to them. He hoped Shepard found a path around over the hills at their back. They could only distract the machine for so long. They were already backed against a corner. If they made a break for it, then they wouldn't have any cover. The Colossus would get them for sure, if the rockets from the geth troops didn't first.

Alenko must have had the same idea. "Commander, now would be a great time to –"

He trailed off as the Mako soared over the edge of the cliff wall to their right and landed on top the Colossus. The geth construct let out a whining wail that echoed against the valley walls, and made Garrus' ears ring. The remaining geth troops immediately began to close in on the Mako.

Ashley popped up out cover and fired her assault rifle at the geth's backs. "Draw their attention," she yelled, her eyes tearing up again from the heat of Therum. "That thing isn't dead yet."

Shepard was using the Precious' thrusters to lurch the vehicle enough to smash it a few times, but the damn geth was still wailing and twitching under the chassis. The scene looked like a child's tantrum with a toy that pissed them off. Ash would have found the whole thing amusing had there not been two platoons of geth troops trying to kill them. Ashley and Alenko took down three more that had been distracted from the Mako. It still wasn't enough.

Wrex's voice cut across the comms. "Fuck, Shepard. You want me to blow chunks all over the controls?"

"You wanted the big gun, Wrex," Shepard reminded him. Damn her, she sounded like she was having the time of her life.

"How the hell was I supposed to know you were going to use it to bounce on them instead of letting me kill something?"

Ashley's lips curved into a smug smile. Damn krogan was sick. "Motion sickness, Wrex?"

"Fuck you, Williams."

"Commander," Joker's voice interrupted Ashley's retort, "Panoptes scans are picking up some strange readings two clicks from the DZ."

"How strange?" Shepard wanted to know, her voice had dropped its cheerfulness – she was all business now.

Joker wasn't all that helpful. "Really strange," he said. "Like off the damn charts."

"Be careful, Commander," Pressly's voice said as Precious continued to bounce on the Colossus, taking a few of the geth troops with it. At least they were easier to smash than the Colossus. "The readings look like they're coming from the abandoned Prothean ruin just past the EAE mining camp."

Inside the Mako, Shepard nodded and adjusted the thrusters to take them just a little higher. "Acknowledged." Precious hit the Colossus in a final teeth-jarring slam and the AI leviathan finally stopped moving. "Wrex, start shooting."

The krogan's laugh was temporarily drowned out by Precious' canon.