Everything's back to normal, I guess. I'm not sure how I feel about it, though. At least I still have him. In a way.
I watch how Takao is loitering on my bed. I just made it, he could be a little more compassionate. He's filing his nails slowly, with no purpose whatsoever, and lazily slips his eyes from one corner of my room to another. "Man, Shin-chan, your room is always so neat, come clean mine too." I rarely visit him. "Thank you, I guess, and no," I answer and turn another page in the usual magazine; I've given up on the nickname. It focuses on point guards in the rising high schools around the area. "That's a great photo of me, isn't it?" he grins, peeking over my shoulder. "Not really." It really is. "Ah, Shin-chan, you're so mean!" he whines and falls again to his back, while I sit, leaning against the bed. It's a powerful mid-game photo of him dribbling in some match I have no particular memory of. He's a great basketball player, very fast. He was probably overpowering his opponent during this run, judging by that small smirk on his face.
"You haven't been really talkative lately, Shin-chan, are you angry or something?" I'm not that talkative in the first place. In my opinion, at least. I turn to face him and say: "Just because I'm silent doesn't mean I'm suffering from some negative emotion. Maybe I just don't have anything worth saying." "Oh." What was that sigh just now. "You're so difficult, Shin-chan." Maybe.
He isn't done yet. "It's that bad mood of yours why I'm permanently stuck between "I really want to talk to you" and "I don't want to annoy you"." "Is that so?" He's struggling because of me. Why does that make me feel slightly better? "So cold, Shin-chan, as always."
"Is something bothering you? You can tell me, no matter how ridiculous - knowing you -, I promise I won't laugh! Best friends are people who make your problems their problems, just so you don't have to go through them alone." "I don't have any problems," I sigh, a little annoyed. I guess we really seem to be back to normal. It started to rain outside again. "Everyone has problems. Some are just better at hiding them than others." Is that about me? Or... I rarely ask about him, I think and I feel my stomach as if sink.
"A bird has been giving me a lot of headache lately," I say and turn completely around, resting my head on my folded arms on the bed. I know my pants won't get dirty, I just vacuumed under the bed. "Well, you can't escape sound. I guess you just have to grow accustomed to its song," he laughs. Is he joking? I close my eyes as I release another sigh, but I open them again, jolting. He's shuffling through my hair. It doesn't feel awkward, though. He's smiling. To me the smile seems a little sad. "You don't usually share personal things and feelings. If you share them with me, it's because you trust me, isn't that right, Shin-chan?" "I do." I do trust him. His hand lingers in my hair for a minute more before he takes it and folds his arm under his head.
As the floor gets colder, I stand up and decide to close the window. "Don't, I like the smell," Takao objects and smiles, humming some tune again. "The floor is cold and I don't want to sit on the computer chair." I really don't feel like sitting up straight. I want to loiter, like him; I'm a little tired. "The bed's alright, though, here," he mumbles, sleepy, and scoots over. Should I go? It is my bed, after all. I lie down next to him. "What?" I ask when he's looked at me for a little while with a small grin. "For a smart guy you're sometimes so stupid, Shin-chan," he laughs and takes the magazine from my hands. What?