We finally reach Takao's house, soaking wet and a little out of breath. It started to rain on the way home and since we took the way from his house, we decided to wait here until the clouds clear out. He knows I don't like to walk in the rain. I could just run home, I couldn't possibly get any more dripping. But I don't want to. Though, why won't I just ask for an umbrella? I don't know. Why isn't he offering one - I don't know. But I'm glad, I think.
Having made tea, we're up in his room, sitting on the bed. He has cleaned his room. I'm glad we had practice today, so I don't have to tolerate the wet uniform and can wear my sports clothing instead. I watch as Shi scrapes the window to go outside. I happily comply. "Don't close the window, who knows when she might decide to jump back inside!" Takao warns me as I take hold of the handle again. I slide it close, leaving a big enough gap for the cat, and return to the bed. To him, I think.
He gives me a towel to dry my hair and when I look at him, a smirk forms on my face. "What?" he furrows his brows. "Nothing, really." His hair. It's all shaggy and drooping in every direction from drying it. After I shuffle the towel a few times, I can hear him laugh. "So you do have a forehead under all that hair!" he chuckles as he slaps my forehead. I slick the bangs back, I dislike the feeling of wet hair. "And it's so big too. No wonder you're so smart, Shin-chan!" "Then how come you're not?" I ask and trace his wide forehead. He slaps my hand away. I can read nothing from his face. "I am, it's your fault you don't notice it," he jokingly pouts and folds his arms. His behavior is as of a child's sometimes. But I don't mind anymore. It's kind of... alright. He notices the lack of my reply and looks at me, expectantly. I don't know what to say. Not anymore.
It's been going on for days now. Weeks. There are no flaws, no weaknesses. That's what Oha-Asa says. The throbbing of my heart ever louder. Do I believe it?
The bedroom door creaks open and in comes Suzume. "Kazu-chan, I can't understand this," she yawns and waddles to the bed to sit next to Takao. Kazunari. "Suzu, you know I don't like maths," he whines with almost the same tone as his sister, making her roll her eyes. "Let me see," I offer and lean over Takao. He's warm.
7th grade, alphabetical uses in equations. I swiftly show her the way to go with these, but not the answer. Much like with her older brother. Yet... I wish sometimes he showed me the way. Though... I'm not the one to follow.
"Thanks, Shin-chan!" she grins, making me frown. I wouldn't be amazed if their parents called me as such as well. "Don't make such an ugly face at my sister!" Takao laughs and pushes me away. Was it because I was done helping Suzume? Or... He felt uncomfortable, I guess.
As we watch her leave, he sighs. "You're awfully warm for someone who displays such a cold heart at times," he grins at me. Was he always this close? Our shoulders touch as we sit against the wall. ... Does he have a fever?
I lean against him more, sighing. I would come off as tired. He rests his head against mine. He doesn't say anything. I can only hear his slow breathing. He sighs. He's sad. "Dreams are deceiving me again and before long, I'm going to wake up with a broken heart again, Shin-chan." Dreams. ... He had the weirdest dream. He breaks his heart every morning.
I look up to him when he presses his hands against his face. "You're always right: I'm so stupid, Shin-chan," he gasps. You're not, Takao. I am.
He yelps as I pinch his sides. "I'm still here." I won't fade away. Realizing what I speak of, he grows tense. His cheeks and the tip of his ears form a fluid and even shade of carnation. He's just staring at me, his eyes slightly watery. I don't even remember leaning closer. I want to ask him something. A question I have worn on my lips for days.
"Do you love me?" I ask. He shot his eyes down. He's chewing his lip. And... in his hesitation, I found my answer. But... hearts are often broken by words left unspoken. I ask again. "Do you love me?" He pulls his knees to his chest. "Do you love me?" He nods. I ask again. And again. And again. I want to hear him say it. I want him to admit what I'm too cowardly to do. The rain doesn't lash that heavily against the window anymore.
"Yes!" he finally yells at me, eyes still wet, furious. "For how long, I don't know, but you... It's all your fault I'm not the Takao Kazunari I knew." His fingers brush my face. He's checking if I'm still here. "I'm here," I whisper and take his hand, brushing his fingertips against my lips. "I'm here." He keeps repeating he loves me as I hide my face in his neck, slowly pulling him to my lap. But... he's still devastated. He must still think of it as a dream. I still remember the touch of his lips from the bus stop.
I lift my head and look at him stare at me, gritting his teeth. "I wanted you to acknowledge me, do you remember?" he asks, voice shaky. I remember. "Have you forgotten that I do acknowledge you?" He hasn't. "And then... it's too embarrassing." I put my forehead against his. "It's not." He still doesn't believe me. I can't be so cowardly while he is so courageous.
"This isn't a dream, is it?" he asks and I can feel his legs tighten around me. Is he scared? "No. This is reality. You are my reality." He suddenly laughs, surprising me. As he wipes the tears from his eyes, he chuckles: "Leave it to Shin-chan to say something so lame." I smile and his grin widens. I know now. As I slowly close the gap between his lips and mine, I tell him how I love him. Over and over again.
Again I am left with only a brush when he turns away suddenly upon hearing the door of his bedroom open. The feeling of mortification I'm going through is indescribable as I stare back at Suzume, holding another notebook. She drops it. "I'm telling mom!" she shrieks and even before she's gone from the door, both Takao and I are hot on her trail. She can run fast for a 7th-grader. I'm surprised, though, when I see Takao mercilessly tackle her on the ground. "What was that?" I can hear their mother yell from downstairs. Before Suzume can answer, however, Takao muffles her with his hand. "Nothing, mom, I just tripped over Suzu's stupid toys!" he yells, still lying on his sister. Seriously now, those siblings, I think to myself as I sigh. We then go back to Takao's room, holding her hostage, to come to terms of surrender and silence.
It's sunny outside.