Chapter 8: I love you
"Mom can you hear me?" Mario asks frantically. "We need to call an ambulance."
"Grandma please" Santana says tearfully.
The next while goes by in a blur. Everything happens so fast and the next thing Santana knows is that she's standing in the hospital with her family and Brittany waiting to hear what's going on. The doctors have been assessing Alma for a while now and everyone is beginning to get inpatient. As soon as a doctor comes out of the room, everyone rushes over.
"What's going on, is she going to be ok?" Marc asks.
"Yeah please tell me she'll be ok" Mario says worriedly.
"I'm afraid your mother has had a pulmonary embolism. We think the leg that wasn't operated on developed a blood clot and it's travelled to her lungs" the doctor tells Mario.
"Oh my" Mario says shocked.
"You can treat this though, right?" Santana asks.
"Yeah there are a few options but we'll discuss them with you all first" the doctor nods.
"Ok but is she ok for just now?" Mario asks.
"She's stable just now but we should get started right away. Why don't we go to my office and talk?" the doctor replies.
"Ok" Mario nods. Santana's parents and the doctor go back to his office to talk while the others wait in the waiting room.
"This is all because she keeps smoking" Santana shakes her head. "I keep trying to tell her to stop."
"We know but she's stubborn so she does what she wants anyway" Marc says while putting his arm around his sister.
"You heard the doctor though, this is treatable and they're going to give her the medication and therapies right away" Brittany says optimistically.
"I know but what if once she's better she continues to smoke and then we're back here again or worse, we lose her" Santana sighs.
"We'll just need to encourage her to stop and not buy her anymore cigarettes. I know it sounds mean but if that's what we have to do then we just need to do it" Marc says.
"She is going to hate us for that though" Santana sighs.
"She'll thank you in the long run though" Brittany points out.
"I don't know about that" Santana sighs again.
"Look let's just focus on the fact she is ok just now and that she is going to get the treatment she needs" Joanne says.
"I agree" Brittany nods.
XXX
After a long talk with the doctor, Santana's parents return. They fill everyone in on the treatment plan Alma will be getting and they sit with her a while.
"I think it's probably best Alma gets some rest now" the doctor says.
"Yeah we should probably go home" Maria nods. "Are you coming back to our house Santana or are you going home?"
"I'll just go back to the apartment" Santana replies.
"Yeah Joanne and I will just go home too" Marc says.
"Ok" Maria nods. "I'll talk to you tomorrow sweetheart" she says while hugging Santana.
After everyone says their goodbyes, they leave the hospital in different directions depending on where their cars are.
"Come on, I'll take you home" Brittany says while taking Santana's hand.
"Thanks" Santana smiles slightly.
They walk out to Brittany's car. The whole walk to the car and the journey to Santana's apartment is spent in silence. Brittany can see Santana would much rather just have a moment to herself than talk and she understands that so she's happy enough to just take Santana where she needs to go.
"So, we're here" Brittany says breaking the silence as she pulls up in front of Santana's apartment building.
"Claire is with her parents tonight" Santana says.
"Oh sorry, did you want to spend tonight with your parents too. I just assumed you'd want to come here but I totally forgot it was Christmas and you might be staying at your parents" Brittany says. With everything happening tonight, it completely slipped everyone's minds that it was still Christmas day and a lot of people would be with their families.
"No I'd rather be here right now. It's already a strange Christmas so it'd feel even weirder to be somewhere I haven't stayed in over a year" Santana says.
"I suppose" Brittany nods. She gets that Santana would prefer somewhere familiar to at least give her a little comfort tonight. She doesn't make the habit of staying with her parents so it would be weirder to suddenly be there tonight.
"I should head inside now" Santana says quietly. "I'm really glad you and I are somewhat sorted now but my main priority at the moment is my grandma. I still want to be with you but I can't promise anything will change any time soon after everything that happened."
"That's totally cool. I didn't expect anything different so don't worry about where we're going right now. Just know I am here for you in whatever way you need me to be and when things get better we can discuss dates and all that stuff" Brittany smiles.
"Thank you" Santana smiles.
"So…uh…goodnight I guess" Brittany says, unsure of how to leave things just now.
"Yeah, goodnight Britt" Santana smiles while unbuckling her seatbelt.
"Whatever you need, just let me know" Brittany says while taking Santana's hand.
"I will" Santana nods before leaning over to gently place a kiss to Brittany's lips.
"I was going to kiss you a minute ago but I didn't know if I should" Brittany smiles.
"It's ok, anyway I should go inside. It's getting cold" Santana says and Brittany nods. After a few minutes of silence and no movement from Santana, Brittany speaks up.
"Um…do you want me to come inside with you?" Brittany says hesitantly.
"Yes please" Santana says as her eyes begin to water. "I really don't want to be alone right now. I can't face going inside to sit by myself with just my thoughts and this torturous night running around in my head."
"Ok" Brittany nods and then they both get out of the car. "Honestly, anything you need I'm here so please just ask me."
"I didn't want to come across as this scared little girl who doesn't want to be alone right now" Santana admits. "I don't want you to think that's who I am and then that puts you off me."
"Trust me, nothing will put me off and I totally understand how you feel so please just tell me if you need something" Brittany says while putting her arm around Santana as they walk inside. "It'll make you feel worse trying to be brave when you actually need someone so I'm more than happy to help you in any way."
"Thank you" Santana sighs. As soon as they get inside Santana gets comfortable on the couch and Brittany puts a blanket over her.
"I'm going to get you something to drink, ok" Brittany smiles.
"Ok" Santana nods. A few minutes later Brittany comes back through.
"I've made you some tea" Brittany says while bringing it through to Santana. "I know you probably would've preferred coffee but I didn't want you awake all night. It's probably better you get some sleep."
"Thanks" Santana smiles sadly while taking the cup.
"Do you want to talk about things?" Brittany asks.
"Not really" Santana shakes her head.
"That's cool" Brittany smiles. "Shall we watch a movie then maybe?"
"I don't think I could concentrate on a movie because I'll end up drifting into my own world and think about things" Santana replies.
"How about we tell each other some stories then?" Brittany suggests. "I appreciate you don't want to talk but I assumed that meant talk about tonight but how about we just tell each other things the other doesn't know?"
"I guess I could do that" Santana smiles.
"Cool, I'll start then" Brittany says while sitting down next to Santana.
"Hey come under here" Santana says while lifting the blanket up.
"Ok" Brittany smiles while shifting closer to Santana and getting under the blanket. "So, did I ever tell you about the time I got bitten by a shark?"
"You didn't tell me, oh my god" Santana says shocked. "What happened?"
"Well it was quite a few years ago so I was a lot younger and it was during a vacation. Me, my sister, my parents, my aunt and uncle, and my two cousins all went together for a week" Brittany starts. "One day the grownups thought it might be nice to take a boat ride and explore the area that way so we rented a boat, packed a lunch and basically spent the day out at sea."
"Sounds nice" Santana smiles.
"It was to begin with" Brittany nods. "Anyway a while after lunch, us kids all begged our parents to let us swim in the sea and eventually they gave in and let us do it. So basically we're just messing around seeing who can hold their breath underwater the longest or see who could dive the best off the boat when suddenly I get this pain in my side."
"Oh god" Santana says shuddering at the thought.
"Yeah, exactly" Brittany nods, "so I look down and there it was, this shark digging it's teeth into my side."
"That sounds horrific" Santana shakes her head in disbelief. "Were you really close to the boat when it happened? I mean I figured someone on the boat might have seen it if you were so they could have warned you."
"Yeah I was super close to the boat" Brittany nods.
"So what happened next?" Santana asks. "Did your parents call the emergency boat people or whoever they are or did they just get you all back onto the boat and back to the shore immediately?"
"No they just told me to stop being silly and went back to sunbathing" Brittany shrugs.
"Wait, what?" Santana asks shocked.
"Yeah it wasn't like the shark drew blood or anything" Brittany shrugs again.
"It didn't?" Santana asks really confused. If you're attacked by a shark surely it'd draw blood since it's sunk it's teeth into you.
"No because it's teeth were plastic since it was toy shark" Brittany states.
"A toy shark?" Santana questions, "are you fucking kidding me?"
"What?" Brittany asks laughing.
"You made me think you actually got bitten by a shark" Santana says while playfully hitting Brittany's arm.
"Well I did, except it was a toy one and not a real one" Brittany smiles.
"That is so not something to joke about" Santana shakes her head in fake annoyance.
"Admit it, you think it's a slight bit funny" Brittany smiles.
"I actually don't" Santana states.
"Ok well it's your turn anyway. Tell me something I don't know about you" Brittany says.
"Well I probably shouldn't be saying this since we're kinda together now but I've never actually had a proper relationship" Santana admits.
"Have you not?" Brittany asks.
"Not really. I mean sure I dated different people but it never developed into something that would last. It's partly because of how picky I would be about who I wanted to date so then when we finally began dating I probably came on too strong or tried to be someone I wasn't" Santana replies.
"You don't seem like that to me" Brittany says.
"Yeah but you and I are different, you just get me" Santana smiles. "I don't have to be anyone but myself around you."
"Yeah me too" Brittany agrees.
After talking for a while more, Brittany notices Santana is beginning to get tired so she suggests Santana goes to bed. They talk some more when Santana gets into bed and Brittany sits next to her on top of the covers.
"I think I should be going now" Brittany admits reluctantly.
"Do you have to?" Santana asks sadly.
"If I keep talking then you're never going to get to sleep" Brittany replies. "I really think you do need to sleep though because you've had a hard day so you'll be exhausted."
"I don't want to be alone though" Santana sighs.
"I know but you do really need rest Santana" Brittany says.
"Wait, why don't you stay tonight" Santana says looking straight into Brittany's eyes.
"Ok" Brittany replies quietly while nodding. "You just lie down now, ok?"
"Ok" Santana nods while getting under the covers.
"I'll be right through there on the couch if you need me" Brittany smiles before gently kissing Santana's cheek.
"No, stay with me tonight" Santana states while grabbing a hold of Brittany's arm.
"Santana I…"
"I really need you tonight Brittany" Santana sighs. "I don't want to be alone."
"Ok, I'll stay" Brittany nods. They both get comfortable in bed and Brittany puts her arms around Santana. They lie silently for a moment trying to get to sleep before Santana speaks up.
"I just realised my car is still at your house since you drove us to the hospital. We're going to have to go and get it" Santana says about to get out of bed.
"Don't worry about that, we'll get it tomorrow" Brittany replies while pulling the cover back over Santana. "You're not blocking anyone so it's fine where it's parked."
"Ok" Santana nods.
"Come on, you need to try and get some sleep now. You'll be tired" Brittany says.
"I don't think I could fall asleep without replaying tonight over and over in my head. Every time my eyes close, all I can think about is my grandma lying there unconscious" Santana replies.
"Why don't you try and sleep and anytime you think about your grandma just think about how she'll be ok because she's getting help. She's in the best possible place right now" Brittany says trying to reassure Santana that it's going to be ok.
"That's easier said than done" Santana sighs.
"Hey, come here" Brittany says pulling Santana closer to her. "If you fall asleep and start replaying tonight's events then just hug me tighter. I'm not going anywhere."
"Ok" Santana smiles slightly before getting comfortable and closing her eyes. Brittany leans down to kiss Santana's head but she moves at the same time and Brittany ends up catching her lips.
"Sorry" Brittany smiles.
"It's ok" Santana smiles back.
"I was going for a quick kiss to your head but you moved before I could redirect my lips" Brittany smiles again.
"Like I say, its ok" Santana replies. "I liked it anyway" she smiles.
"Good" Brittany smiles.
"Do you know it's funny, we're supposed to have gotten together tonight but we've barely did anything that suggests we're more than friends" Santana says.
"I know but I told you earlier, we don't need to worry about that right now. Let's just focus on your grandma getting better" Brittany says.
"I know but maybe I've thought of a way to distract my thoughts" Santana smirks.
"You have?" Brittany asks confused.
"Yep" Santana nods before moving so she's straddling Brittany.
"No Santana, we can't do this tonight" Brittany says softly while shaking her head.
"Why not?" Santana asks, a mix between confusion and offence.
"Because you're too vulnerable and I'd be taking advantage of you" Brittany sighs.
"No you wouldn't because I want this" Santana states.
"You don't really though, you just said it was a distraction" Brittany points out.
"I didn't mean it quite like that because I do really want this Britt" Santana replies.
"We agreed to take things slowly because we just got together tonight" Brittany replies. "No offence but if your gran wasn't sick then we wouldn't be doing this tonight."
"But I really need you Britt" Santana says.
"Honey you have me right here, we don't need to have sex to be there for one another. Look come here" Brittany says opening her arms. Santana moves and shuffles closer to Brittany who then wraps her arms around Santana. "I'm not going to go anywhere."
"Ok" Santana sighs.
"If we're serious about being together then we're not rushing anything especially not now. I need to know you're doing it because you want to and not because you want to block out the pain. You'll regret it in the morning if you're not ready" Brittany says.
"We've had sex before" Santana states.
"I know but this is different this time" Brittany replies. "It's going to mean something now."
"Ok, fine" Santana nods.
When Brittany woke up, Santana was still sleeping soundly so she quietly got out of bed so as not to wake Santana and went to the bathroom to freshen up. Once she was done, Santana was still sleeping so she went to the kitchen and made some coffee.
"Hey" Santana says quietly while walking into the room.
"Hey, good morning" Brittany smiles while handing Santana a cup of coffee.
"Thanks" Santana smiles.
"Did you sleep ok with me snoring beside you" Brittany jokes.
"I slept fine, you?" Santana asks.
"Yeah I slept ok. I was worried about you though" Brittany admits.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you worried" Santana replies honestly. "Because my gran only has me and my brother as grandchildren then we've always been really spoiled and we've always spent lots of time with her so we're really close."
"I can understand that" Brittany nods.
"We got even closer when my grandpa died. Don't get me wrong, we were close to him as well but when he died my gran really leaned on us all" Santana says. "I spent so much time with her and our relationship just grew so much more. I mean she still gets on at me at times but that's only because she wants the best for me."
"You don't have to explain Santana. I don't expect anyone to take this kind of thing well. I would probably be the same as you if someone I cared about so much got sick" Brittany admits.
"Ok" Santana nods.
"I'm here for you though, whatever you need" Brittany smiles.
"Thanks" Santana smiles back, "hey I need to also apologise about what else happened last night" she says seriously.
"You don't have to" Brittany shakes her head.
"No, I need to say I'm sorry about last night" Santana says embarrassed. "I never meant to try and throw myself onto you. I wasn't thinking right and I just needed to feel close to someone."
"Santana its ok" Brittany smiles.
"It's not though, I am so embarrassed" Santana sighs.
"Look don't be" Brittany reassures her. "Trust me I had to do everything to stop myself last night. When someone as hot as you is right there wanting me, it's not easy I can assure you."
"It wasn't appropriate though" Santana states. "The last thing I want to do is scare you off before we've even begun."
"Honestly, let's just forget about this" Brittany smiles.
"Fine, if that's what you want" Santana shrugs.
"It is, so how about I make us some breakfast" Brittany asks.
"That would be great, I could really use some food right now to give myself some energy" Santana smiles.
"Cool, I'll make us some pancakes" Brittany says before beginning to get all the ingredients she needs together.
"Do you need me to help you with anything?" Santana asks.
"No I've got it all under control" Brittany smiles.
"Would you mind if I went for a shower and got changed then?" Santana asks.
"Not at all, take as long as you need" Brittany smiles.
XXX
"These pancakes are really good" Santana smiles as they begin eating.
"I'm glad you like them" Brittany smiles back.
"I'm not usually a breakfast person but like I say, these are good" Santana states.
"Breakfast is the most important meal of the day honey" Brittany says. "Are you telling me you never eat anything before you go to work?"
"No I do eat but it's probably not a substantial breakfast. I usually just grab a bagel and a coffee in the morning and eat it on the ride to work" Santana shrugs.
"You should have something decent though because breakfast sets you up for the whole day just like these pancakes will give you plenty of energy to set you up for your plans today" Brittany smiles.
"Since I like your cooking so much and you want me so badly to have a decent breakfast then you'll just need to make me breakfast more often then" Santana smirks.
"Ha-ha, good one" Brittany smiles.
"Have we got a deal then?" Santana asks.
"We'll see" Brittany smiles again.
"At least you're thinking about it then, that's a plus" Santana shrugs.
"You're so cute sometimes, do you know that" Brittany smiles while taking Santana's hand across the table.
"I didn't but I guess I can take cute, as long as I'm still hot though" Santana winks.
"Definitely" Brittany replies squeezing Santana's hand.
"So uh, what's your plans for today? Do you usually spend it with family?" Santana asks.
"Usually but I think my family will be ok today, you need me more" Brittany replies.
"You don't have to do that. You spent all last night with me so you'll probably want a break from me" Santana states.
"Nonsense, I am not going anywhere" Brittany smiles.
"Thank you" Santana smiles slightly.
"Are you going to the hospital as soon as we're done here?" Brittany asks.
"Yeah, I don't want to have to wait until the afternoon. I want to make sure she's doing ok because all this waiting is getting me down. She could have deteriorated or anything and I don't even know" Santana says worriedly.
"Look, she's going to be ok. She's a strong woman and no matter what happens she has all her family around her to help her" Brittany says moving to hug Santana.
"I don't know what I'd do without you Brittany" Santana sighs as she puts her arms around Brittany to hug her back. "Will you come with me to the hospital?"
"Of course I will" Brittany replies. "I know I haven't known her long but I care about your grandma too. We bonded over a lot of things, one in particular being how much we care about you."
"That's sweet" Santana replies. "Britt…" she says, taking a moment to gather up the courage for what she's about to say.
"Yeah" Brittany asks.
"I love you" Santana mumbles into Brittany's shoulder.
"What honey? I couldn't make out what you said" Brittany says pulling away slightly so she can look Santana in the eyes.
"I said I love you Brittany" Santana states.
"You do?" Brittany asks in complete shock.
"Yeah I do, I really do" Santana smiles.
"I don't understand" Brittany frowns.
"What's not to understand?" Santana asks confused.
"We only got together last night; that just seems really fast to say that" Brittany admits.
"Yes I know but everything is pointing to it. Think about it, we must be in love" Santana smiles.
"Santana I don't know what to say right now" Brittany shakes her head.
"Look think about how close we've gotten; how we want to be together and how I've never felt this way about anyone else before" Santana states. "This surely means I love you."
"Are you sure you really love me?" Brittany asks. She doesn't want to seem like an ass right now but this is very fast, even fast for her and she's liked Santana for a lot longer.
"Of course I'm sure. I mean yes I took a long time to realise it but now that I think about it then everything that happened was because I love you. I'm closer to you than I've ever been to anyone and the way we connected right from the start clearly shows us that we're in love" Santana says.
"Honey, come on" Brittany says gently.
"Is this a problem that I love you?" Santana asks offended.
"Of course not" Brittany shakes her head.
"Ok so what the fuck is wrong?" Santana asks slightly angrily.
"Santana come on, calm down. There's no need for that language" Brittany sighs.
"I told you I love you and you want to fight right now?" Santana says.
"No I don't want to fight, I just want to understand" Brittany replies. "You mean so much to me Santana so I need to know you're not forcing this and that you actually mean it."
"Why wouldn't I mean it?" Santana asks.
"Honey 2 days ago you didn't even know you wanted to be with me and now you love me?" Brittany states. She doesn't mean to sound mean but she doesn't want Santana's emotions conflicting how she really feels.
"Yes its fast but its true" Santana sighs.
"Santana…"
"Don't you believe me?" Santana asks.
"I'm sorry but I don't" Brittany sighs. "Do you know what I think this is though?"
"No I do not" Santana sighs.
"I think you're trying to push this relationship because you're worried your gran won't make it much longer so you want her to have her wish" Brittany says.
"It's not that" Santana shakes her head.
"Well it's either that or it's that you think you love me because you're upset but it's just your emotions playing tricks on you" Brittany replies.
"It's simple Britt, I love you because I love you" Santana states.